raul journey to life

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Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 20 Nov 2017, 17:58

https://wordpress.com/view/rauljourney2 ... dpress.com

Day 10 - Mind

Hello! Today I will express myself about the current state of my mind. I always notice that I can’t be in silence to express words in my blog, it’s obvious I suppose. I have noticed how I have a tendency to put into words my thoughts when most of the time they are just ideas, that I mostly express with a graphic, a picture, or a mental idea that only I understand, and if I had to express that into words, it would a complete different story. So it is beeing supportive for me to look at this tendency to express into words and into the “world” things that I already understand for myself, in fact I feel the need to put them in words when I have already understand the idea that I am expressing myself about in my mind.

I have noticed aswell, spaces of silence in my day, but I mean real spaces, where I am like… looking inside of my own eyes, I feel I understand what it means and what it takes to look inside. And I get to a space where I am one, complete and relaxed, and later most of the times because of life, I go to a certain thought, or I do certain thing and I lose my conection. For example, I was in that space where I had understood what was myself about, and then a worry about money and bills come, and then I need to worry, I need to think, I need to plan, I need to understand that life is much more difficult that simply being in that state. I will be in the near future looking at my relationship with money. This is an example of something that makes think “you must get out of here, you can’t be here”. The point is that I do believe that money is important for me to survive, so until I am able to fully live on my own, I can’t really drop my relationship with money, once I can pay for all the important bills I will be able to say, this has come to an end, it’s time for me to relax with money and understand that life is not about that. I’d love to do that now, but I need to think how I am going to get money because I need it.

So money it’s an special topic, but I was simply putting an example of something that makes think, you can’t be here because you have to go to the mind, there are things that need to grow and evolve. But even if there are things that make me feel that way and feel the call of abandoning the simplicity of life, it has been a big revelation for me to understand this state, where I am awake or asleep, where I am breathing and I am creating, and I am simply being in my body, and there is no anxiety or fear at all. I have had long moments in this state, I have to be “looking inside my own eyes” to get this conection, where I can really create anything I want, I feel like I have access to a part of my potential there.

So at this point the question probably is, how am I going to use that to support me? If I had to put a word I would say what I feel is a “dreamy love”, so I am going to use that dreamy love to support me in my process of expressing myself in words, expressing myself in this world, understanding how I get out of the breath, understanding how to act so I never regret, treating myself equally and honestly, cleaning all that needs to go inside my mind, remembering from where I come from in the moments I am sad because I am gone and I am in a certain state that causes me fear, and understanding my relation to others.

This my challence, I am changing my life, for the best.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 21 Nov 2017, 20:24

https://wordpress.com/view/rauljourney2 ... dpress.com

Day 11 – Mind 2

Hello! I have discovered that the mind is like a muscle, it works like that for me, it can be tense or relaxed, and if you relax it absolutely, to the point where you feel that the muscle is like with absolutely no tension, you still there! And everything is fine! But it has been a strange time relaxing it while not been able to fully relax it, I am just not used to because of my entire life. Anyway, I still exist! And most people know deep inside they still exist, it has been hard to accept the nature of everything, but I am very good with my current situation, I feel absolutely how I heal myself, how I recover, how I stop hurting myself, how it is ALWAYS a driving force in the thoughts rather than me going with the thought and being one and equal. Within this, I can say I have stopped hurting myself, or at least I won’t become better at hurting myself, I was highly surprised when from my natural state of being I could talk with calm and be direct and honest with people, with no anxiety. I am really getting to know anxiety, how I get into the state and then I project the result that is going to come out of it. It is always about what I project.

So, obviously, what I am facing now, is that I have mind constructs, about sex, about money, about… hmmm let me think, personality? And more things for sure. And these mind constructs are very amalgamated within my body, so the solution I think is to go into each point and apply selfforgiveness, I mean with most of my mind I can just see it coming and in the same rythm that they come set them free and create the fredom that is me, and I am also doing consciouss work with some of the ideas that I have identified myself with, but the important thing is, I am not identified with most of my mind, and it is helping me a lot, but there are some mind constructs that are very amalgamated with my body like money sex and more, that is why I will be joining DIP Pro when my economic situation is more stable, right now I have to invest in bills and a sweet pedalboard of effects to play with in my work. I will join dip pro very gladly in the hope that I can help desteni economically and I get help me with the mind constructs that are so infused with my body and mind, that they literally take me to an state of fear where I have to start all over again, and when that happens I literally wanna scream of the pain, but I am the one that cooperate with this that I am identified with. For example I lost 24 euros, when I lost them I went into a degradating state of my mind, with no real reason to, but I felt like sick, and I even had a lot of reasons to not feel sick, and I still wanted to feel sick. So with this for example, I am going to work into how I have defined it, and apply myself properly, but I don’t know if that will be enough, I guess not, and with help it’s gonna be a much more efficient work. A big example, I see a woman that I particularly specially find attractive and hot, my mind will get attached to it, not really really attached but, I will feel how my mind goes to “good”, and this creates attachment because I understand what “love” is, so I can see myself going to a “good” state that will destroy me, but I mean it’s hard to do, because I am in my natural state, and the moment I got to know that woman my mind was like “This-is-good, and you go to the good”. So these are two examples, losing money, getting to know an attractive woman, that will not allow me to see my honest self. As soon as I have resolved my economic situation, I will join DIP Pro, meanwhile I will keep working into not hurting myself, even with the smallest thought (I have learnt how to identify specific thoughts, and absolutely random thoughts, and understand their nature), redefining words, and digging into how I have defined myself according to a word, and of course, living everything that is currently happening in myself, and proving this that I am, this that I don’t consider myself worth of being, this that is denied for everyone, this that I must have with me in every moment of every breath, my life depends on it, literally, after seeing the effects that thoughts have on me… I feel like a sick addict person recovering. Also it’s funny days for me, I see everyone always doing thinking judging always pretending to be something, everybody wanting to prove something with their social status, or believing that they are more than the motivations that they work for inside their minds, and I am just here like doing something to set me free, to help me, to help my “world”, to help others around, but this is a process only about me, it has to. I am waiting to have a buddy because I know that I can’t do it alone until the very end, but I want to, and I am doing all of this for myself. It has been a strange way to this point, because I am not dropping this point this I know it, but in the past my mind would create, the most artistic unexpected specific stories about me, so I am not against it, and I allow it to evolve and direct my world and put everything into its proper box/jail. Wow I want to cry now, BUT, there is a lot of work to do. And I am starting to feel like I am acting here because of this feeling and all this words, so goodbye! I will go back to my applycation.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 22 Nov 2017, 15:31

https://wordpress.com/view/rauljourney2 ... dpress.com

Day 12 – Roots of anxiety

Hi, it’s cool that I can feel free of my mind and all that stuff, but the truth is that there is a lot of work for me to do, a lot. I have felt today the same paths, the same, and I could feel like a voice saying to me “You thought that I was no longer here? You know me, you know the paths, I am you, you are going to cooperate”. So until I don’t work with this, what’s the point on saying any other word, for what, it will be a lie.

I have this in me, I have to support me and find support. I am buying interviews in eqafe about anxiety. I felt absolute defeat, and this is what I am facing while I don’t work with what is already inside of me, so for what I am going to speak about my mind and how I feel. I have a lot of shit inside of me, a lot, an it makes me sick.

My anxiety is rooted in fear and shame mostly. I feel very bad right now, I don’t even want to go to my applycation, I mean for what. I will buy those interviews. And come back when I have something interesting to bring.

Today I felt a suicide. Anxiety is horrible. It makes me sick. I have to go in here and explore absolutely everything… fear shame and anxiety, you are all inside of me, but I mean I can’t have direct access to you… I can be some days happy, and then suddenly in one moment I can see you and you fuck up everything and then you are gone until you find me again while I am distracted…



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 23 Nov 2017, 15:13

rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/2017/11/23/day-13-roots-of-breath/


Day 13 – Roots of breath

Everything is systems. I can explain them, they can be explained by the portal/eqafe/etc. The point is, how to support yourself in the moments where you have fallen and you feel that right now, in this moment, there is no solution because you are into this state? I am not a master in this, and I am sure in eqafe you will find the right interviews for it, as I will find them aswell, but I can share what I can see right now.

The most difficult part to accept, is that you are doing it to yourself, because in that moment, you are that which is doing it to itself. So you can’t find a rational solution to the problem, it doesn’t work like that, you will go more far the more you try. The problem is also when you are involved in a situation, a process, a work or something like that, you can’t stop to take a breath because you are already doing it and you can’t stop, and in that situation it’s hard at least for me to slow myself down, and say I see all that I have done, I have to calm and get back to myself. If you try to do that while you are working on something, you will everytime do it from the same starting point that you have entered and that have taken you into a particular state, however, I am sure you can find ways to support you in that situation as I will do, because I will keep entering in those states while in my process, and I won’t always have the chance to go to a calmed place, breath, and just be there.

Anyway, the best solution that has worked for me is start all over again, you start mirroring yourself, you do something that relaxes you like drinking a tea, and you start seeing all the points that where involved in the situaton, how they affected you, how you reacted, what parts of you where involved, how you see those involved parts in your daily life. And in those moments of defeat, you won’t think clearly, you will just want to give up, or cry, or hit something, anything but to take responsability and be good to yourself that it’s what you deserve. It’s hard because, you know it’s what you deserve, and one moment ago, you made this significant pain to your body with the energies you felt, so it’s a difficult point to be in. But you will see clearly again, you will stand up, and always learn something.

It was a very insteresting point, I am being honest, and I am right here in this state of energy. Contradictory. This has to be highly investigated, so I start breaking all the factors reactions and identifications involved in me entering in that state of being, when it’s done it’s done, but the process of how it happens, what I accept, what is already accepted in my body, this must be the work of my life, because basically, my life and its quality depends on it. So work, stand up, learn, discover, enjoy. Step by step please.

We are all memories, all past, all dead, all energies, all reactions. But there is something else and one day I am going to be finally free of this whole story, that is my goal. And I will enjoy things like if I was young again (and I am only 20).



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 24 Nov 2017, 02:32

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... e-purpose/

Day 14 – The purpose

I have found my purpose in this life, I have found why I am here for. This purpose, feels like a distant call, a distant voice, that I heard once while sleeping in another life. It’s like something that resonates with the totallity of what I have lived in this live, it resonates with it and says: “You always felt that you had to remain as you, and from here, you will create everything you are going to create in your life”.

This purpose tells me: direct everything to yourself, always to yourself, no matter how guilty, bad, wrong or evil you feel, or they make you feel, direct it to yourself and eventually you will be constant, infinite, and from there you will lead this world, your world. They will be surprised, they will love you or hate you, and you will be the most honest, trust worthy being you know, and you won’t allow the evil to exist. And you will know the eternal life.

So, purpose, I got so surprised when I realized that there is no purpose, I was addicted to it, and it made me suffer but I needed to feel right, in place, I needed to feel I am doing what I have to, that the world can see that I am doing what I have to, and I can feel normal, like a person, with fear, and escaping from it, and at the same time working for it.

Purpose. What happens when you realize that there is no purpose? You will have to face everything that you made your purpose, you will have to face your memories, your feelins, your world, you will have to face how you gave your purpose to something, and it became your purpose, how untill this very day you have been creating a purpose to escape what is inevitably coming. What happens is that you see parts of yourself, you feel them, you are them, they are in your mind, and you have to put a hand in your heart, in your chest, and say out loud what you did, why you did it, why it was dishonest, how you are going to create honesty. And your feelins and your head will shake, and you will know that you can in fact feel, that you are alive, that you can explore yourself, that you have the chance to do that, to set you free, and you will be gratefull that you are not sleeping.

So purpose, what is purpose? Purpose is the addiction we use to escape the truth of ourselves, that we are based on fear, that we are working on dishonesty, that we have an unresolved world we would prefer not to face. Purpose is what you use to believe dishonesty, to deny your oness and your real solitute.

What is my purpose? Is my purpose to fear not having enough money? No. Is my purpose to have studies and feel of worth? No. Is my purpose even, to play the guitar and be a musician? No, guitar is merely a tool I use to express something that is bigger than me. No, I am not even a musician, I am not my guitars, I am more than all of this, I am not borned to be a musician and play the guitar eternally, I am more than that, what I feel is more.

And what happens when I stop dividing myself with purposes? I look directly at it, I can’t escape it anymore, I have to face what is here, and I feel gratefull that I am alive, that I can express things that are inside of me, I have to look what is really in my breath, I can’t avoid anymore looking at it with my chase of fearfull purposes.

And then it comes to, how can I be my purpose eternally? How can I be prepared to face this world? Where will I find the strenght to remain as me in every moment of every breath trusting myself untill the end of my life?

I don’t know right now, all I can say is that I am taking everything back to self, slowly but surely.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 24 Nov 2017, 21:34

https://wordpress.com/view/rauljourney2 ... dpress.com

Day 15 - Process free

I have been thinking, why am I in a process? I know what is a process, but why do I remain in a process? The answer is because it would be, a big responsability to accept that I am responsable for absolutely everything, and I am, in fact.

A process is something you use to allow mistakes, to avoid responsability, to say oh this happened but happened because of my mind, and I am in a process that creates energy and maybe someday I get back to my real self and accept responsability.

But, what if I had inside me the ability to be responsable for myself? For everything that I am going to create? Then I would not allow the excuse of being in a process, I would take the events of my life and accept my responsability within them and create solutions and support me to be one and equal, I would no longer be in a process I would already be what I was looking for and I would stand for that. When I say I set myself free in my process, what I am doing is creating a way to not accept self-responsability, to say that to make mistakes is normal, that to look to other way and allow something that is not right to happen is acceptable, and no, this that I am is not something that needs to be constantly setting itself free because of its own mistakes. I am this, and I stand for this in every breath, and I will not allow any less than this, and I am watching you Raúl. I am very damn serious. I am waiting to see when you bring it to me so I can fix it and show you that it's in fact the opposite of what you are doing. I will no longer allow something which is not of life and oness and equality.

Is it time for me? OF COURSE!!

It's a big responsability but, who am I? Am I going to remain in this playground of conflict forever? Or am I going to really change for the best? Of course I am.

This reminds me of something I imaged one day, it was like a real world, where everybody was just existing, and then you find a being saying I am happy! I am complete! There is nothing missing in me! And the other being says yes dude but why do you say it like that? You are scaring me



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 25 Nov 2017, 15:30

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... -16-blame/

Day 16 – Blame

I am here to talk about blame. Blame towards oneself exists, but this word is mostly used towards an external thing/person. I blame this I blame that.

Why do blame exist? Blame exists because, in a certain momen we accepted, that in this world we are going to hurt ourselves, and we are going to hurt others, we can make them divide and go out of their real self. Blame exists as a way to say, I also take part in this game, this game where I suffer, I get lost, and there is no solution.

So, blame exists as a way to put the responsability of oneself, into other person. Thereforce blame, only exists toward onself. Blame is the ultimate game to keep you enslaved, to prevent you from discovering who you really are, who you have forgotten you are.

Why is this hard to accept? Because we have abdicated the responsability of ourselves for too long, and this has made us weak. The process, your process, to discover your true self, it’s based on blame, because why is onself in a process? Who put oneself in there? The evil that exists in this world, the evil is to blame, deep inside me I was good but the evil separated me from myself and now I am in a process, then while someone is in a process, evil will always be to blame for what is happening to onself, but, if one discovers what it really means to be you, if one finds his real self, evil has never existed, only onself existed. But why is it hard to accept that evil never existed? Because one then takes responsability for the existence.

So existence never stopped being our responsability, it was and it will be our responsability, if you understand this you won’t lose your time, you will look for solutions, and you will treat everyone as who they really are, and you will be gifting something to yourself and to others.

Today I choose to be free, I choose to be me, who I can’t stop to be, and I am going to be me for as long as I choose, because nobody but myself can make me renounce to who I am. Past is gone, I am here to live.

The evil exists as me, who am I is the question. I know who I am.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 26 Nov 2017, 11:40

rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/2017/11/25/day-17-the-cave/

Day 17 – The cave

I sometimes see myself in a cave. An isolated cave, where I am alone until I die and my life ends. I am so alone that I think, where is everybody? My friends, the people I know? Where is desteni?
And nobody answers, and then I start to have fear, because I am there like why am I alone?? Where is everything? And I don’t know what to do with the fear because I am afraid to die, if I am completely alone, if my real situation is that, then not even desteni can save me, I only have my breath. And I am afraid of existing in my own breath because then… I am totally responsable for myself, nobody can help me, nothing to rely on, I am the source. And the source is one, in solitute. And I am like, I wanna be conected to something, I was used to. I don’t know what will I find if I have to go deep in here, I will see that there is no Me. But is this the door to eternal life? Is this maybe, the only door? Seems like we would look at any place but here. Have we ever really existed?

So, is desteni about true solitute? About the disconection from everything that has divided us and we have give ourselves to? Is perhaps the message of desteni: “If you were to live alone for the rest of your life, even there you will see that you still exist as breath.”
Then desteni is nothing, and everything is nothing. But in this situation of the cave, we would be the same, and we would stand for our own oness and equality. We would be completely alone, and within that discover that, if we are there we are oness and equality and everything is there, you are everything, you don’t need anything, and if I am right, the message of Desteni was: “Only you exist.” Then Desteni wasn’t about Desteni, it was about: be there, for yourself. I am one, we are ones in this world. Maybe we are all there alone, and there everything is conected. I don’t know about any of this, this is merely a vision. The vision of seeing who I am, and how I exist. Is this maybe a real gift?

There is a long road for me untill I can really stand for this, but I don’t need to set myself free anymore, beause I have no fear.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 26 Nov 2017, 20:55

rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/2017/11/26/day-18-source-of-inspiration/

Day 18 – Source of inspiration

I have like a flow of energy inside of me. I have understood a lot. I understand now why political debates are useless for example, and until the debates I see on the internet don’t reach the fundamental truth of both beings it won’t blow my mind, and looks like they won’t ever be friends. There are a lot of stories coming from the search of the humanity for truth, and I will stand for a stop, for a we have had enough, we all see from where all of this problems are coming. I like that ideologies and thoughts about the world are moving at least, I want to see them reach the point of self realization!! It depends on the fear of the people.

I feel very happy and honoured to be me. It wasn’t something hard or complex, I didn’t achieve anything, everybody can discover this, I will show this to the world. I feel very relaxed and calmed, like if finally there is nothing more to do and now I know what to do. The answer I was long time looking for? I finally got it, and it was inside!! Impressive. Now I will take every system back to myself, it’s going to be a funny process.

THANKS!!!



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 26 Nov 2017, 23:49

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... eal-world/

Day 19 – Poetry from the real world

I was sitted, just sitted. In my house, as usual. In my sofa. I was inverting everything to myself, as usual. I was all the day doing that, like every day for the last weeks and months. And then I started lifting, I didn’t know where I was, I started lifting so much that I didn’t know it was possible. It was impossible, but it happened. After that I said, this is me??! And then I went down, it was too much, for the first time. I went down and cried, I cried entirely for myself, I cried for who I had become, I cried because I remembered. This life was never for me. This life is the life of the life that I am not, and I comit myself to never forget this. I won’t let go this time, for anything, I will take care of myself, in every single moment. I am not losing this, not this time, not anymore. I have to rest now this was W-O-W. Hahahahahahaha I am so, so, grateful.




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