546: My Process to Living Passion and Purpose
I recently listened to an Eqafe audio recording regarding the point of Purpose, and Meaning in one's life - and for me it was an awesomely supportive recording because I have walked quite a process, a lifetime with this exact point, and it was only in this past year where I started to find some stability, understanding, and the ability to let go within it.
Let me explain a bit more.
I grew up with spiritual and religious teachings and as those that have as well, know there is something about one's meaning and purpose in life... in that, there is meaning and purpose. There is a reason... there is a plan... there is a direction... there is ONE way one must go to fulfill one's life purpose.
Or at least that is what I thought, and that idea existed within my mind for so long until eventually it started created consequences in my life.
Let me again explain a bit more.
Growing up I believed there was something specific I was here to do. Here meaning in this life. And while I didn't know what that thing was, I knew I would eventually find it. And there was a time in my life where I believed I did find it, and I pursued it, and I gave it go, but ultimately it didn't work out, and I went into a new direction. So that apparently was not my purpose.
In my mid twenties I had come across some amazing material online that is the basis of why I write blogs to this day. Material that revealed secrets of the human mind, secrets of the universe, of life after death, understandings of the problems we face within humanity, tools that I could apply daily as practical ways in which to get to know myself, to change, to actually grow and develop a potential within me that I always could see but never understood how to live it.
That was Desteni - and when I came across Desteni I for awhile thought this was my purpose. This process... self-responsibility, self-honesty, self-forgiveness... stopping my mind and grounding myself into this life, this body, this physical reality - that is where I was needed to help not only myself, but this whole world. And so I busied myself with that for years.... sharing my process as I went, which you can see in the past blogs and vlogs the journey that has been walked.
Then... that only lasted for so long in terms of me using again something outside of me to determine my purpose. Desteni was my purpose. My process was my purpose. Something external from me, as who I am, was my purpose... but of course that couldn't last. I soon began to experience the same old questions I had experienced consistently throughout my life... what is my purpose? What is my point? What am I supposed to be doing in this life? What did I come here to do?
And even well equipped with the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-responsibility, common sense, practicality, living my utmost potential... I still felt a loss, lost in my QUEST for my purpose.
I saw so many people around me who seemed to have a passion for something... an interest, something that kept their attention, and kept them engaged in a particular area of this world. And when I looked at them, I saw that it didn't exist within me and so I wondered... why did others seem to have their purpose and I didn't?
I then began to compare, and blame, and become resentful, and angry and desperate even... why couldn't someone just TELL ME what my Purpose is!? Someone or something guide me, show me the way, where am I suppose to go, what am I suppose to do? What is my purpose? What is my point?
And then I thought about it. And thought about it, and thought, 'why don't I have a purpose?' And felt sad, and depressed, and slowly fell into this abyss of self-pity and sorrow that everyone else around me seemed to have something specific to give meaning to their life... but I didn't.
I didn't want to get up in the mornings. I wanted to sleep all day. It was a struggle to so the most basic of tasks, feeling like there was no life within me... I had no motivation for anything. And so I just floated through my days for a few months like this. Lost, wandering, and essentially giving up.
And then I slowly but surely started listening to this voice that had been silently screaming at me this whole time. I'm not going to find my purpose in a job or career. I'm not going to find my purpose in a partner or relationship. I am not going to find my purpose in a field of study, or in where I live, or in WHAT I DO. What I do has NOTHING to do with what is my real purpose - the real meaning to my life.
I could hear myself saying and I could see myself seeing that I would NEVER understand purpose and how to live it and create it, until I PERFECTED WHO I AM here... now... within what I currently have as my responsibilities, as my life.
Let me explain a bit here...
I have a lot of responsibilities I have taken on, projects I participate with, communities I engage with, work I do because I see I can, and it supports a whole lot of people beyond myself. Yet within those responsibilities, and projects, and activities I could see WHO I WAS was NOT perfect. I was resistant, and distant, and neglectful. I didn't want to fully participate, really give it my all... I just did the bare minimum... what I could to get it done without any red flags going up to others, or myself even. I could easily justify the idea that I didn't have a purpose and it was in a way wrong because look here, I do so much... when is it my turn to have a passion and an interest? When can I stop busying myself with this other stuff, and get to the good stuff, like my purpose?
And so I started to slow myself down. I started to listening and HEARING myself when I was saying and seeing that my purpose is to live passion, and I would never find passion outside of myself because it doesn't exist. I have to create passion and purpose within me. I have to create passion and purpose within me.
That statement alone was astounding to me, yet simple and clear. I have to create passion and purpose within me. If I want to live passionately and with purpose... I have to create passion and purpose within me.
And so I started to change. I started to live passion and purpose in my days. I started to work through the resistances I was facing towards my current reality, my current responsibilities, and tasks, and projects. I started to apply self-supportive tools daily such as writing, self-forgiveness, blogging... I started pushing myself to be more engaging, to participate more in the communities I'm involved with, to stop being so distance. I started letting go of the comparisons, the fears, and the desires and the need to be directed. I started opening myself up to new things... trying out new activities. I started a 30 day blogging challenge. I started studying spanish. I started going to the gym and taking zumba classes. I started spending a couple hours once a week with people in my area who want to learn to speak english. I started to explore the potential of the environment I have around me... making me focus about ME as WHO I AM in my day to day living.
That became my purpose. And in that I created passion. I was able to let go of the depression, waking up with a purpose each day - wanting to get up in the mornings... wanting to get into my day. I started creating the resolve within me to move through difficult things I face - certain experiences I would otherwise give into. I started to push myself through things I became stagnant in... I stopped giving myself excuses, and started walking the process of perfecting myself within who I am in ALL that I do... and that meant in the most insignificant moments of my day... that is where WHO I AM matters the most.
So long story long, this interview I listened to on Eqafe, "Purpose has Left the Building", was a cross reference for me. It described to a T the experience and process I had to walk through, especially in the past year, and the point one must get oneself to to release oneself from the burden of the belief that a purpose is something you must find, and seek outside of yourself.
I was saying "Yes!" the whole interview because it in fact validated what I could see and had already seen for myself... and in that, supported me in my starting point of creating purpose - to stay the course. That ultimately, absolutely, in all ways the purpose of this life exists in each one of us. Self-care, self-love, self-worth, self-trust... these are things only we can create in ourselves and that is the true purpose of our life. To see and realize and understand that who we are matters. How we live reflects who we are. That who we are in the matters at hand matters. That who we are determines what we do and what we do matters.
I matter. You matter. We matter. Our lives matter. And in matter... in walking out of the mind and into matter that is our physical body... that is of this earth that is made up of matter... there is a potential. There is a life potential we have yet to create in this world, but that is ready to emerge. But we must usher it in. Each one, in their own lives, in the smallest of moments... it matters. What you think, say and do matters. Who you are is in each atom of matte, each moment of matter and that is what creates our world.
Time to create a Life and a World that Matters.
I Encourage anyone to listen to the interview mentioned in this blog, which you can find HERE. Or simply check out Eqafe.com and get ready for your life to change.