Kristina's Journey to Life

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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 30 Nov 2016, 09:39

510: I'll Just Do it Tomorrow...

Have you ever told yourself you'll do it tomorrow? That tomorrow is the opportunity to make that change? Thinking somehow tomorrow things will be different, be better for the moment to change. I saw this point within me today, as I was not completely satisfied with myself today, the thought of, "tomorrow I will do it better/right" as all the things I did not allow myself to do today. Thinking tomorrow is the clean slate, the opportunity to start over. And then I realized. I am still here. Today is still here. Tomorrow will never come, and why not do today what I think I will do tomorrow. If I'm not willing to do it today, what makes me think tomorrow will be any different?

And so as a point of proving to myself that I will not waste my day in waiting for tomorrow, I decided to act today. To change today. To move myself today to do that which I wanted to put off for tomorrow.

Tomorrow will never arrive, and you will be waiting your whole life. What are you putting off? What are you thinking you can do better tomorrow? What can you change/apply/live today to support yourself in this moment? All we have is what is here, in this moment. We are only ever here. Real-time change is what we have to prove to ourselves we can, and will change/apply/live. Why put off something for tomorrow that you can do it today? Stop fooling yourself in thinking 'tomorrow' will be the magic day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off for tomorrow what I can do today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as the statement of, "tomorrow I will do it"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to discard today, to be able to start over tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that tomorrow is a solution rather than implementing change today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe tomorrow things will be better, yet not willing to make today better through self change in a real time moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe any problems I face today that I'm not willing to direct/walk through that somehow tomorrow I will

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I'm not willing to change today, tomorrow is not any more likely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of the time I have today for the promises of some tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I only have today, today I am here and the tomorrow I keep promising myself with will never come... it does not in fact exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself within the belief that tomorrow is better than today

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to maximize the potential of today and instead wait for a tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if today I am not feeling to my utmost potential, or have not directed myself within my absolute best ability, that tomorrow will be another opportunity instead of realizing that the moment I am thinking 'tomorrow is better to direct my utmost potential...' is the EXACT moment I have to change TODAY

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to implement the real time change of HERE and now, changing in THIS moment what I think I could just do tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant state of procrastination when I say I will do it tomorrow, or do it later

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take responsibility for who I am HERE, in this moment, in this day, and instead put off the potential of self-direction within self-responsibility for tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put of the inevitable for perhaps tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in the maybe tomorrow, rather than the certainity of today

When and as I see myself existing within/as the statement of, "I will do it tomorrow, or later..." I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that tomorrow does not exist, and while I'm waiting for tomorrow, I am squandering the opportunity I have today, that I have HERE and so I commit myself to rather putting off, and pushing aside my potential that is HERE today for some illusionary tomorrow, to embrace the moments I have here, as my today, as the opportunity to change in real time

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that 'tomorrow will be better' to do something, or say something, or change something, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this statement is an excuse to not apply that change, or make that statement, or take that action today as a real-time moment of change, and while I'm busy thinking about doing something tomorrow, I am taking advantage of the time I have today, in that very moment. And so I commit myself to not allow myself to exist within any excuse that puts of the responsibility and opportunity I have IN THIS MOMENT to live, act, speak, express within my utmost potential

When and as I see myself constantly putting stuff off for later, or for tomorrow, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this constantly putting stuff off for later, or for tomorrow is a state of resistance, and that which I resist will persist and so instead of continuously putting myself through this, I commit myself to face, and walk through that which I resist... doing today what I can today, rather than abdicating it to another day, or to some future time. I realize that future time will never exist, if I'm not willing to do it today

I commit myself to embrace myself today

I commit myself to direct myself today

I commit myself to not take advantage of today

I commit myself to stop waiting for tomorrow

I commit myself to push myself today

I commit myself to apply myself today

I commit myself to move myself today

I commit myself to live for/as/with Today

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 09 Dec 2016, 23:58

511: Feeling Improper

Today I noticed another aspect/dimension of an experience I have in relation to a family member. (see previous blog for more context). It was an experience in relation to the words proper, and improper. Obviously one having a positive energy definition to it, the other having the negative definition to it. And within the experience of feeling 'improper' or defining myself as 'improper', I experience inferiority, nervousness and fear.

I felt as if I did not live up to a certain expectation from me as per our social acceptances and allowances, and thus defined myself as being improper. And in this experience of being improper, went into fear, and attempted to 'make right' or 'make light' of my experiences as how I communicated with another. It's like physically I experienced myself as tense, and nervous, and anxious even, yet within that - still attempted to present a 'proper' image of myself as how I thought another expected me to be/behave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as improper and to within this definition, attach a negative energy toward that word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ear being improper around person A as feeling I will be judged or condemned by them for being improper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/associate not being proper, or being improper, as being inferior/weak/lacking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I will be condemned and judged by others for being improper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on how others see/define/judge me

I forgive myself that I have separated myself from the words improper and proper by defining both words within/as an energy charge of polarity and as being positive and the other as negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being improper and so desire to be proper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must be ashamed of myself if I do not live up or live out social norms as social expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trigger an experience of inferiority, anxiety, fear and weakness when I define myself as being improper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define proper or being improper as something someone outside of me defines, as it must be according to them that I am living up to the standard of what is proper instead of redefining the word for myself and to live the word for myself that is real, substantial, and self-supportive, and not dependent on an external source as people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly feel as thought I'm never being proper and thus feel I am lacking or not living up to a standard I should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always attempt to please and appease others in an attempt to not be seen as improper, and so prevent any judgment or condemnations from others

When and as I see myself as judging myself as improper, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that how I currently defined being proper/improper is based on expectations from external sources, and so in my attempt to live up to what I believe is socially acceptable, I create experiences of inadequacy, inferiority, and weakness. I commit myself to thus stop living for outside/external expectations and rather work on creating a standard for myself within the context that is best for all - wherein I define proper to be that which considers all aspects of a situation within integrity, self-honesty, and based on principles that are treating others as i would like to be treated

When and as I see myself physically becoming tense, nervous, and experiencing myself as not being proper, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in such a physical state I have already accepted myself to go into and activate this belief that I must be or act a certain way as per societal expectations, and so I commit myself to slowing down in such moments, and not allowing myself to act out of this fear of begin inferior or being judged for being improper, and to rather ground myself, and the energy experience to rather move and express myself in a point of self-awareness, and not in attempting to 'save fave' and present a 'proper me'

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 11 Dec 2016, 01:15

512: Me At Work

One thing I've noticed about myself lately is this lack of awareness while at work. A couple nights ago this was exemplified by the fact that while standing with some people, I took slight movement backwards, and I tripped and fell right on my butt. It was quite the scene too - like overly dramatic was the fall. lol - it was funny, and I did my best not to take it personally, or feel embarrassed, because it was just an accident, it happened.. nothing to do about it now, except notice and question why did I fall? Why was I not aware of what was behind me, why was I not aware of my environment in that moment, and so how to move myself in a way where I wouldn't fall?

This experience shed a light on something I've been slowly realizing more and more, which is that I often lack the self-awareness, and the slowing down within myself, to really take notice, and pay attention to who I am at work - as my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. I've noticed that I require to be an example at work, as the solution to some of my conflicts with other people, though I also need to take notice, and understand why I say certain things, or participate in certain conversations at work, that do not support me or others, but only validates and justifies our current level of existence... where most of us are absolutely unaware of ourselves in a single moment, as our thought, words, and deeds.

So something I am going to begin working on more diligently - who am I at work? Who am I in relation to my co-workers? Who am I in my work environment? How do I move? How do I speak to others? How do I engage with others? and most importantly... why? What are my starting points for who I am at work?

I realize it will be a process, but it's clear I'm in need of becoming more aware at work... to start working on myself while at work, to slow down, to breathe, to be aware of when I speak, how I speak, and why I speak. To be aware of my environment, and those within it I work so closely with. To settle the conflicts within myself in relation to some people I work with, and to implement solutions that not only support me, and others, but that are also examples of how each one can change and create a working environment that is not only best for ourselves, but for all of us. So starting with myself here... getting to know 'me at work', and how I can change that 'me at work'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of myself while at work... not paying attention to who I am, as my thoughts, my words, and my deeds.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to slow down at work, enough so that I can start to notice, and understand why I say or do certain things while at work that I later sometimes regret or wish I hadn't done or said

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in conversations while at work that do not support myself or others to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move so fast at work, I don't take notice or pay attention to who I am, as my thoughts, my words, and my deeds while at work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run on auto-pilot while at work wherein I am not directing myself but instead being directed my my thoughts, feelings, and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally fall at work while not being aware or paying attentino to myself, and my surroundings, and knowing exactly how to support myself in the environment and thus not allow myself to trip over things

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to focus more on breathing at work as a point of self-support to establish my self-awareness while at work

When and as I see myself saying or acting in ways at work that I know I will later regret, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such behavior is sustained from my lack of self-awareness and existing within auto-pilot and so I commit myself to take notice in those moments why I chose the words I did, or the actions/behaviors that I did as a point of better getting to know and understanding myself as who I am at work

I commit myself to become more aware of myself while at work

I commit myself to become more aware of my work environment

I commit myself to slowing myself down while at work

I commit myself to wlak the process of changing myself as the 'me at work'

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 02 Jan 2017, 21:20

513: We Must Start Here

Resolution is the usual word for this time of year. New Years Resolution. Resolution is simply to resolve something, to make a firm decision, to create solutions. That is essentially the way in which I've committed myself to live my life... to no longer participate in conflict and disagreement, but to rather base myself, and my life's direction on solutions; solutions that are best for all.

Now this absolutely starts with myself, and the more I've walked this commitment, the more that single point stands so absolute. You cannot change anything of this world, until you have changed yourself, as that is the starting point, the source, and the seed from which you're interactions influence this world, and so shape this world.

We often look outside of ourselves as something being a problem, as something that has to change. But alas, what we are seeing is built upon a foundation we've created within ourselves. We see through our own veils, our own constructs, our own beliefs, opinions, and ideas. And what I see more and more of is the lack of self's, as the individual's responsibility within how this world is shaped, and the types of characters walking around. No one wants to claim responsibility for anything of themselves, they only want to make themselves the righteous one.

We are all wrong, and every year around this time we tell ourselves we'll be different. A fresh start may be nice, but it comes down to every single moment we have throughout every single year of our life that determines who we are, and so what we create. This time of year is no different, or special. We should actually have daily resolutions - to daily reflect, forgive, and change who we are as I can tell you for myself first hand, the depths of the problems that is this world exists within the depths of our own minds.

And that is again, as I'm realizing more and more, the purpose of this Journey to Life, and the daily sharing thereof. Each day is a gift to reflect, realize, forgive, commit, and change. If we can't change ourselves, we can't change this world. And if we can't change this world, well... we already can see where it's heading. So the solution is self, always in all ways. We must start here.

And so I am using this time of year, that we all like to use for new beginnings, to re-commit myself to this process of sharing myself, and my life, and the daily points in which I face, and reflect upon, and change. The process. My process to Life.

Looking back at the year I can see I had some highs and some lows, and then I had stability within consistency and in that, satisfaction. My purpose is stop the highs and lows of energy, as the mind, and to remain consistent in my daily living - to remain stable in who I am and how I direct myself, and so my environment. To push for consistency in always, to remain the same... yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This takes more than self-will.. it takes a physical doing, a decision made over and over again, and remaining steadfast within the commitments I've made. My commitment is to me - to me as all as one as equal, to change myself within the context of what is best for all. To always live, and act, and express in ways that are best for all - doing unto others as I would have done unto me, removing the chains of the mind as memories and beliefs, and ideas and perceptions, and to stick to real living, breath by breath, within/as my physical body. To Be the Change I want to see in this World.

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 03 Jan 2017, 22:02

514: Accept the Things You Cannot Change

I'm sure most of us know the serenity prayer. It was something I used to say a lot during certain times in my life. Some parts I see now are more practical then how I once used them. For those that are not familiar with it, here is the short, most well-known version:

"God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (there is a longer version I am now seeing is much more practical, and thus perhaps more blogs to come on that.)

For now though - this part in particular, "...accept the things I cannot change," which is like accepting that there are things in this world I cannot change, and one of those things for me that I must accept is that I cannot change other people. And while I might want to, or wish they would change themselves, this indicate I am not fully engaging within my own self-change. And so rather than attempting to, and using up my time, and energy, and focus to wish others would change, and to attempt to force others to change... I must accept that each are responsible for themselves, just as I am responsible for me. And the only power in which I have at the moment as change, is within myself. And to spend any time expecting, wanting, wishing, and even demanding that others change is quite futile.

If we can grasp this one point within humanity, there would be a massive change. Everyone would stop pointing the finger, focusing on other people, blaming and judging. We would be more busy with our own self - who we are in relation to everything, and to all people... and taking responsibility for that person as the one we actually have the power to change. Would there be wars? Conflict? Hate? I'm sure not.

So grant yourself the ability to change that which you can, YOURSELF, and the ability to accept that you cannot change other people. Imagine if you were to let go of that one point... I'm sure for some quite a weight would be lifted off their shoulders. And in that, the gift... when you change yourself, you become a living example for others, and thus support others to change. The gift of SELF-ForGiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish others would change as I have changed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when I see people not changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that changing is easy and others should be able to change in which I have changed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish others could see how simple change could be and so live change themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to change because then I wouldn't experience frustration - basically wanting others to change so I don't experience frustration when the precise point here is for ME to change the frustration within/as me so then it no longer matters if another changes or not, because I remain stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think others should change when I change or in ways I have changed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who don't change themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on others not changing, then my own self-change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I am becoming frustrated at others for not changing, that implies I MUST CHANGE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept the fact that I cannot change others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the power is only within me to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to change before I change myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that others wont change until I change myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that change for me did not come easily and took many years to walk through many layers of my own mind, as my own consciousness constructs, to get to a point of real change and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give others the space and time to do the same - to walk their process, to face their mind, and to substantiate themselves enough to where change becomes more natural

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others not changing as an excuse to go into reactions within myself - revealing so nicely there are areas within myself/my life I am not changing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make change about me - about who I am in relation to ALL of existence as the source from which change emerge

When and as I see myself expecting others to change as defining change as easy, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it took me many years to create myself as change, and the process was not always easy, and so I commit myself to bring through this understanding when I see others living their life - to give them the space and time to change, as I gave to myself

When and as I see myself wishing others would change, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I do not have the power to change other people, without changing myself and so I commit myself to keep my focus and attention on myself as that which I have the power to change

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated by others not changing, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this frustration implies I am not utilizing my own resources for self-change, and instead focusing on something outside of myself that I have no control over. And so I commit myself to utilize my resources as my time, energy, and attention to change myself and thus become a living example for others as how one can change oneself

I commit myself the live the serenity prayer as an application of physical living... wherein I stop thoughts of expectations of others, and back chats as to why people don't change and instead live breath by breath to change myself - making that my focus daily, and my purpose in support of what is best for all

I commit myself to stop any and all thoughts of wanting and wishing others would change, and rather bring it back to myself in seeing where can I specify my change - where can I take that which I see in others that I want them to change, and apply it to myself/my own life

I commit myself to realizing the power I have is within/as myself and who I am, and how I live influence those around me and so I commit myself to shape myself within the context of what is best for all and thus influence others within the same point... that change is possible, yet it starts within ourselves

I commit myself to supporting others to change through living change myself

I commit myself to living in such a way where humanity can see change is possible, and there is way to real, physical, practical change that is best for all and that to do that we must start with ourselves

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 04 Jan 2017, 21:17

515: The Power of Self: Consequence, Responsibility, and Freedom

The other night I created a consequence that not only affected me, but many other people as well. And I could see this consequence was created in a moment of my acceptance and allowance of a distraction.

While the consequences were not physically harmful, or disastrous to anyone, I could clearly see how who I was in one singular moment, rippled through and effected many people around me - there was no denying my responsibility of this consequence.

And who I was in that moment was distracted. I was busy with people, interacting with them, and because I was off thinking about something else, caught up at the time of day, and in a way, getting swept up by the external factors around me, I did not pay attention to myself, and what I was doing, and the task before me and thus created a consequence that had an affect on not only myself.

Now while this again did not have devastating effect on other people, or myself, it was still a consequence - a sequence of events that unfolded due to me, who I was in that moment, and my actions, and in this instance, lack of presence, and focus.

We often think being distracted, or thinking about other things while we are busy doing something in the physical doesn't have harmful effects, but it very much can. It can create something you did not intend, and that is due to where you were in that moment, which was not 'here' - it was 'there' in the mind, in some future event, or past memory, some self-created experience, or about someone not in your immediate environment.

And for me - taking responsibility for this moment was completely natural - there was no denying that I was the one that caused the outcome, and so I had no problem owning that, as I could see, and be honest about who I was in that moment, and what was created. When I talked to some others about it, they were adamant that people other than myself were involved in the consequence, and it wasn't my fault. I really couldn't accept that. And while perhaps they were, or some cases where more than one person is responsible for some consequence, to take absolute and full responsibility seem to be the common sense stance for me.

There is an actual freedom in taking complete responsibility for who one is, and what manifests from that. Because in that responsibility, you are being self-honest, and in that self-honesty - there is nothing to hide, there is no shame, no self-judgment, no fear... simply an acceptance of the reality of what happened, and the ability to learn from that moment to ensure one does not create it again.

I accepted and allowed myself to be in a distraction, and I now see even more the absolute necessity for me to be present; fully and physically engaged in even the most insignificant of moments, because without my awareness present, and as directive principle... you can create things that do not benefit you, or others.

A lovely lesson in the power of self and how who one is shapes and influence the world around us. The question we must always ask ourselves... what are we creating?

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 06 Jan 2017, 01:02

516: Into-Me-Seeing: What Dreams Reveal About You

One of the points I decided to take more seriously, and to start working with more directly, is who I am within dreams. I don't often have vivid dreams, but when I do, they are very much revealing parts and natures of myself I have for long suppressed.

In the past year I've had re-occurring dreams in relation to family members, where I have this absolute rage I exert out unto them. To me this indicate massive suppression of reactions I've accumulated throughout my lifetime towards my family, and they are very much a part of me, and influencing me, even though I don't see the extent to the reactions on a conscious level. They are here - as revealed in my dreams.

Another example most recently was a dream I had in relation to my weight. I have for the past year and a half been facing my relationship with my physical body, and my weight. And while I often first go to my diet and physical activity as points to change, I realize it's deeper than that in terms of why I have the relationship towards my body I do, such as reactions as fears, and desires towards my weight. So it is a point I've been consciously aware of, as a point within me needing to be aligned into a more practical, sustainable relationship - yet within this recent dream I could see dimensions of it within myself I had not yet identified.

It was an experience of being helpless towards my weight, feeling like I had no control over the size of my physical body - like it would either gain weight, or lose weight, and it didn't really matter what I did. More so I could see how this helplessness was actually due to my eating habits - how I have the tendency to emotionally eat, and sometimes feel as though I have no control over it. I've for a long time dubbed it up to be simply an addictive personality wherein I want more and more of a good taste, that then created a positive energy that I wanted to consume more of. But now I see it's actually because I eat based on energy - I want certain foods when I am in particular emotional state and within that, no directive power in what I am doing, what I'm experiencing, or what I'm eating because it's all influenced by energy as emotions and feelings.

So here realizing dreams are revealing and that it's not such a hard thing to access their significance. For me I simply look at who I am in the dream - what was my experience, what were my thoughts, what were my feelings, what were my emotions, what was I doing, why was I doing what I was doing... and all this can be found within self-honesty.

Dreams show us a glimpse into the deeper layers we are not yet conscious of, yet that still play an active role within who we are, and how we go about living our lives; the choices we make, the decision we take, the relationships we create. So take dreams seriously as a practical tool to get to know yourself better, and how you can change certain relationships within yourself towards yourself, and others. For me, a dream is specific, and I can use it as the gift it is... in-to-me-seeing.

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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 07 Jan 2017, 02:24

517: Don't Just Ignore What Actually Happened

I have for long believed when there are conflicts or disagreements with others, you just simply don't talk about - at least not the real stuff... I have in moments of conflict or argument gone silent - sometimes for day, and then after some time simply engage with the person again yet without speaking of what had happened. To me this is suppression, and does not nurture real relationships. We must be able to address what happened, what is going on, deal with it, forgive it, and let it go... we must become solution-oriented people, and that starts with being willing to face and acknowledge the issues, and not run away from them, pretend they don't exists, and hope they will just go away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid communication with others when there has been a disagreement or conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and suppress the play-outs of conflict with others, and after not talking for awhile, start again yet without dealing with what has been done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within avoiding communication - not facing or dealing with the relationships and moments I have with others - especially in the face of conflict or disagreements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a way of avoidance as not sorting out points and moments of conflicts I have with other people, and instead pretend in never happened

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acknowledging through communication with others, that there has been conflict or disagreements and instead just stop talking to them for awhile, and then simply pretend all is well and nothing ever happened if/when the communication begins again

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to nurture myself as directive principle through communicating through problems and disagreements and conflict with others as actually taking care of what is here - facing it, dealing with it, and thus finding solutions so as to be able to continue daily living without buried resentments and discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when in conflict with others, and to then want to avoid this discomfort as simply not talking to them

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to develop being more directive within communication - especially when there has been conflict or disagreements - to ensure I am able to speak clearly and effectively where I am, and how I experienced myself as sharing openly as to give understanding to a situation, and thus support others to do that as well to face the reality of what happened, and why, how it can be resolved, and how it can be prevented in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the family programming wherein we do not speak about conflict, we just bury resentments, and anger towards each other, but do not address why or what happened - but then continue attempting to sustain a relationship with a foundation that is filled with experiences that do not provide a clear standing in relation to each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think not communicating when there is conflict is a valid solution or way to handle disagreements or conflicts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that not communicating about conflicts is the only thing one can do, based on how I was taught through communication in my family - you avoid, and ignore, and pretend and do not speak directly about things going on within yourself or in relation to others

When and as I see myself not talking to someone based on conflict or disagreement, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that stopping communication is a form of suppression and not a valid way to handle conflict and disagreements in any relationships and so I commit myself to when there is a conflict disagreement with others, give myself the space to stabilize through writing and self forgiveness so that I'm not speaking in reactions - but to then speak to them, and 'clear the air' in a way - to face, and deal with, and resolve any issues as a way of directing myself and my relationships with others.

When and as I see myself resisting or avoiding talking to people about conflicts or disagreements between us, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this too is a form of suppression, and programming within a nature of me I've accepted and allowed that thinks and believes this is how one handle conflict and disagreement in relationships - basically running away. I commit myself to thus stop, and stand up, and direct myself to communicate with others when/as conflicts and disagreements arise - to share openly about myself, what I experience, and how I see we can resolve any issues, as well as supporting others to do this as well.

I commit myself to face conflict and disagreements in my life and not be afraid of them

I commit myself to nurture myself as directive principle by addressing issues or problems with others face to face

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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 08 Jan 2017, 00:43

518: The Human Factor
Today the point came up that has often come up for me in the past year or so. Every time I hear a radio program, or read a news story, or watch a documentary I see there are obvious problems in this world that require a change. But the point that exist within all the stories I see/read/watch is the human factor. That is the one fundamental point that creates and shapes a particular story - a problem of homelessness, or drug overdoses, or civil wars, or corrupt governments, or whatever it is... it's made up of the humans involved.

What I see when I look at this world is not the problems as they are presented, but as the minds of humanity. If each person in this world considered how who they are influence the rest of the world, we would see a different humanity. The human is at the core of everything that goes on in our world - how the animals are treated, how the environment is treated, how the people are treated, and the outcomes of each of these - it's the human that runs the world. And is this a world we should accept? Of course not.

But while we think homelessness or drug addiction, or war is simply 'part of reality' - it is in fact not. It's it due to the nature in which humans have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become. It doesn't actually have to be this way.

So while we see conflict on the streets, and in our homes, and on our televisions - realize you are simply seeing what humanity has become through accepting and allowing a mind of separation. We do not see how who we are impacts those around us, and our starting point of living and behaving plays the major role.

From this perspective - realizing that all things in this world come back to the HUMAN as the problem, we realize the utmost importance of SELF-responsibility. There is nothing happening in the world that doesn't exist on some scale within your own mind... have a look. Be self-honest, and actually take the time to investigate and see the nature in which you move, speak, and think. It is not a kind mind we have - it is one that creates what we see in this world. Live in Reverse = Evil.

Thus our sole purpose in this world is to change ourselves - to take the responsibility we have as the one part of humanity that reveals a much needed re-alignment into real life living - not one of blame, gossip, hate, conflict, greed, corruption, self-interest. If we could all simply get back to ourselves, and back to reality - we could realize the common life we all want to live, and that together, equal and one, we can create that.

There is power in numbers - we hear that about many species of animals in the wild - well I see humanity as the same. At the moment - the 7 billion humans are divided, and conquered, instead of standing in unity. The way to unity is to start with yourself - to be the change you want to see in this world... to stop the nature of the mind that creates the atrocities we see on a global level. Check out DIP lite to start this investigation to see what you are really made of... I dare you.

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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 09 Jan 2017, 09:08

519: Expansion

Recently I have been looking at the word 'expansion' - and how this relates to self. Self-Expansion. A few dimensions came up, one in particular though I would like to share.

One way in which humanity currently lives 'expansion' is in the context of urban development. When we talk about cities, we talk about expansion, and growth. Usually this means it's being built up, added to, and increased in it's size, and 'hopefully' it's production. But often it is at the price of the environment, and so ultimately our own well-being.

We take over more and more land, cut down more and more trees, and use more and more unsustainable resources to expand, though what are are actually busy with is creating more and more limitation for ourselves in the context of Life. We destroy that which gives us life - this Earth, and all that exists on it, and the resources it provides.

So I see here expand as life as equality and oneness, as what is best for all is not being lived, as we are actually living it in the reverse from the utmost potential of the word. While we think we are expanding, we are only expanding consciousness - consumerism, separation, profit-motive development which, as we can see exponentially manifesting consequences.

If we rather expanded our awareness, and self-honesty, and compassion, and care for life, from the small to the greater, we would expand our relationship with the natural world - nurturing it rather than destroying it. Learning how to live with it rather than pushing it aside.

So rather expansion being a cancer as a rapid growth without consideration of what/how it influence, we expand our principle to always do what is best for all.

And so to bring this back to myself - I can see that I am am either expanding my consciousness - as my self-interest, greed, and separation of living towards others as blame... and so using the natural world as my physical body for it's resources for energy - which is the fuel for the mind, or expanding my awareness as my actual physical body - my natural environment, that which is sustained by breath, food, and water. Real, practical things that when I nurture, it gives me life, and allows me to live and express in this world. It's the same exact relationship we have with the earth - the one we have with our bodies.

So if we can all start to see and realize our bodies are our earth, and it matters what we do and who we are within/as our physical bodies, then we can start expanding to the earth as a whole. For now - we must stop expanding our minds, as the personalities of beliefs, and ideas, and perception, and rather ground ourselves in the physical - the physical awareness, the life, the breath that is equal for all.


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