Day Seven : On the Seventh Day God Rested - But my BACKCHAT DIDN'T and Created Hell!
Today I woke up within and as a point of resistance and due to me allowing myself to be directed by my mind the first moment I awoke, the rest of my day progressed within me not being HERE and not effectively directing myself or my day.
I see that the reason I did not get up and direct myself from the very moment I awoke was because I was not taking responsibility for a task that I require to do – a task that I am responsible for and has a certain 'due date'. Because I allowed myself to become intimidated by the point and allowed myself to participate in resistance and fear within doing this particular task, I allowed myself to in that moment of deciding “I don't want to do this task” abdicate my self responsibility and allow my mind to create a series of justifications and excuses based on self-interest which simply kept compounding within me through the last couple of days.
Because I did not stop and investigate and take responsibility for this point that I have been resisting, I created a stronger and stronger resistance to it until finally the point just became 'too much' because I had given it so much energy within and as my mind that I had actually formed another reality/dimension into which I had trapped myself (we actually are CREATORS and we do have such a power to create entire worlds into which we trap ourselves just like Anu had done.)
Within creating the justifications and excuses and already laying out for myself the 'script' of how and why it is that I will not be taking direct responsibility and directing this point and completing the task in a timely manner, I as the creator of my world manifested the very backchat and excuses and justifications that would prevent me from doing the task.
Into the afternoon, I had gotten myself totally lost in the maelstrom of my creation as excuses and justifications for not being able to direct this point of completing this task which I had been putting off for nearly two weeks, and found myself becoming nasty and irritable about every little thing – as though all of it was 'wrong' and all of it was somehow to 'blame' – which is exactly the logic and reasoning behind the mind as ego within creating excuses and justifications as to why I am apparently 'unable' to take responsibility and create the illusion that it is not 'my fault' and that the world is just too 'hard' to deal with and so I had no 'choice' but to compromise myself.
Later into the afternoon I realize that I had indeed trapped myself within my own acceptances and allowances – from the very moment I awoke into and as that very manifestation of my backchat, the 'script' that I had created was being executed and played out perfectly.
Within this there was first the layer of self judgment where I saw that I could not blame the world for what I myself created, and so I turned he blame inwards upon myself – which was simply just another way for me to not take responsibility and actually get to the core point of what I was resisting – so firstly I realized that there is absolutely no point in me getting angry or upset with myself because that would just further feed and compound the point of my resistance.
I then gave myself a moment to sit and write out the point and write self forgiveness on the thoughts and the backchat within me, which then allowed me to bring myself back HERE to be able to see and unconditionally uncover what is going on with me – and it was fascinating to see the intricacy of the 'story' that I had created within my backchat and how the manifested consequences of my backchat were so very specific to the very points that I was not allowing myself to stand within and take responsibility for.
So here I see that we are in fact at all times creating the 'script' that is our lives – that we are in fact fully responsible for all facets of our experience and when we even for one moment allow our ego or self-interest to create a 'dimensional shift' where we launch ourselves into an alternate dimension/reality, that alternate dimension/reality which we believe to be safe and hidden away in our minds where nobody can see or hold us accountable for will in fact wreak havoc in our actual practical reality as we are 'forced' to face the consequences of our creation as thoughts, words, and deeds in every detail.
The other point that I saw within this is that when and as I notice a point where I am resisting, that is when I require to push through the resistance instead of allowing myself to hide from it or create excuses or alternate realities to hide within. The point of resistance is NOT real and is not in any way valid.(Great interview on the nature of 'resistance' and how to stop being a slave to it HERE at the Eqafe store
After stabilizing myself and bringing myself back here within and as self honesty and self-responsibility I saw that the resistance was simply a fear that I was not allowing myself to see and open up and was part of other systems and fears that I have not been wanting to take responsibility for. This point could have been directed within self-writing, self-forgiveness, and immediate corrective application and my experience of becoming possessed was not at all necessary.
The Pattern of Reacting to a “Fall” and Retreating into the Mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fall on a point or when I see I have made a mistake to not go into judgment or backchat about the point and to instead simply direct the point and then move on to the next point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I fail to do a task or when there are challenges that I must face, that I am able to go into the 'safety' of my mind and go into emotional reactions and backchat when none of those reactions will actually assist or support me to effectively direct the point that is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately manipulate myself into giving in to my backchat and my reactions when I face a point of difficulty or when I see I did not direct myself effectively wherein I go into self judgment and self deprecation and abuse myself within my backchat as the haunting voices in my head and the hallucinatory pictures and images that come up within my mind which I then react to as though they were real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to retreat into and as my mind when I see I require to discipline myself and direct myself within a point or complete a task where I see there is difficulty and within this to procrastinate and convince myself that it is just not worth it and that I should just let go and 'see what happens' which is an abdication of self-responsibility and making the statement that I am not going to direct my life so life better direct it for me, which places me in the position of having to walk as consequence rather than walk as self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back into my mind within believing that it has the 'answers' and that I will be able to 'buy myself more time' if I simply retreat into thinking and pondering and trying to 'figure things out' without direct, structural, practical self movement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust within my mind as thinking and reacting instead of doing and applying, one breath and one point at a time.
When and as I see/notice myself trying to figure something out and only getting myself more confused and lost within the mind I stop and instead investigate using the tools of self writing and self forgiveness to unravel and dismantle the pattern and get to the actual point of correction which I immediately apply to stop further backchat/reaction and indirection within being 'lost' in a point.
The Pattern of Emotional Reaction - Anger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated with myself and instead of facing me within this point, attempt to blame the idea that I am simply not 'in control' of my life and that life is constantly and continuously 'out to get me' and conspiring to place me into points where I must face consequence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my backchat abuse myself and allow myself to feed the mind as reactions and thoughts instead of stopping the reactions and directing myself physically within my activities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger reactions within me that come up when I see I did not do a task that I had planned to do or when I realize that I have 'wasted time' within not directing a point effectively.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by and as my backchat when I came home from lunch and allowed myself to 'stoke the fires' of the backchat because I was addicted to the energetic experience of anger and frustration and within this possession allow my physical expression to be possessed completely and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was 'in control' when in fact I was being controlled by an addiction to emotional energy.
Anger is not 'me' as my actual expression here in the physical – it is a system within me and thus I am responsible for stopping it and directing myself. Thus when and as I see myself participate in a point of anger for something that I did 'wrong' I stop and realize that there is first of all no 'right' or 'wrong' and that all points are specific and all points are able to be corrected within practicality and anything that is not able to be practically directed is simply the mind and ego holding on to a false reality of energy.
The Pattern of Emotional Reaction - Fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear when I am given a task or assignment that requires to be done/directed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my fear and resistance to facing myself within responsibility when I am given a task that I require to direct.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when given a task or assignment that I require to direct and take responsibility for, to seek and find excuses and ways to not have to take responsibility so that I will not have to face that point of 'failure'.
When I am given a task or assignment I am responsible for directing that task or assignment and within this responsibility I do not require to compromise myself in order to 'get the job done' and I do not require to go into points of fear of consequence if I fail.
I do not allow myself to be defined by the number of successful tasks I complete. I do not accept myself to fear not completing a task that I am assigned. My value as life is not determined by the number of failures versus the number of successes I have.
Nothing that I require to do, whether it is a 'small task', and assignment, a project, or something I require to do as part of my job in order to support myself financially, defines me unless I allow myself to be defined by it – thus what I require to do are simply tasks which I require to direct – nothing more and nothing less.
The Pattern of Creating Consequences through Resistance and Backchat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, this morning when I woke up, allow myself to again be directed by my mind and again allow myself to procrastinate and not be the directive principle of me in each breath and to allow myself to give in to the energetic addiction of and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to believe that my backchat will eventually just 'leave me alone' if I try to ignore it when in fact I become completely possessed by and as the backchat.
I am here. I breathe. I am walking the consequences of what I have created – and within this I humble myself and take responsibility and dismantle who I have become as well as the patterns that I have existed within and as so that I am able to create myself anew, and build myself back up from a foundation that is in all ways what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here and direct when facing a point of energetic possession/reaction and to suppress the point and believe that it will not control me if I just suppress it when in fact that which I suppress becomes my point of possession.
I see and realize that when I suppressed myself and did not immediately direct myself as the correction, my backchat accumulated and built up into an energetic entity that then possessed me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as my backchat and to allow myself to be directed by my backchat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop myself within taking responsibility for my words and thoughts and to instead allow myself to be possessed.
I see and realize that nothing will ever get better by putting it off or giving up or expecting that some outside force beyond myself or my self-will and self-movement will be kind enough to take responsibility and direct my points and my life for me.
I commit myself to daring to face my resistances and fears within understanding that I am the one who creates the resistances and fears and thus I am the one who is able to walk through them – the fears and resistances are systems within me and I do not require to abdicate myself as life to systems meant to generate and feed a 'self' that exists only as energy within the mind. Any resistance or fear is able to be practically walked and corrected within supporting myself effectively and living the practical solution to the fear and resistance daily until I am no longer haunted by within my backchat and it disappears from my thoughts, words, and deeds into eternity.
The Pattern of Believing I “Wasted Time”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself within believing that I had 'wasted time'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and to believe that I had 'wasted time' when what had actually occurred was me facing a point of possession and living/experiencing the consequence of not directing myself – which is not 'wasted time' but simply a play-out of consequences that I myself created.
I see and realize that due to my starting point being of the mind and me suppressing points of resistance and abdicating my self responsibility to direct myself and support myself out of the mind possession of resistance, I manifested a play-out of consequences so that I would have to face and deal with myself directly as consequence and within this it is neither bad or good – it is simply a matter of accumulation and consequence.
If I fall, then the fall was within me and I would have fallen eventually – thus when and as I do fall on a point I support myself and trace my steps back to see what I was doing and what I was accepting which led me to that point of falling.
So some cool points have opened up within this –
I am at all times creating 'me' and any point that I am suppressing and not directing will manifest as a consequence that will have to face in my practical reality.
I am able to see and walk the 'script' that I am creating by taking a look at the backchat and the points that I am suppressing, because here is where I am able to see what excuses/justifications I am using to not take responsibility and these excuses/justifications will be the very nature of my experience as consequence if I do not direct/correct myself
Resistance is never valid because it is based on thoughts and fears within an alternate reality of existence created within my mind through participating in thoughts and energy which feeds my personality/ego/mind consciousness system
Resistance is not valid because it leaves the question 'in the air' and does not in fact direct a point within what is best for all – so where there is resistance I require to direct myself as the point that I am resisting so that I am not living the point as a 'question' where I am placing myself into a position of not directing myself and thus making the statement that I would rather have life itself direct me and place me through a series of consequences in order for me to get the 'answer' which always leads back to self.
The nature of consequences is always specific down to every last detail – thus when and as I face a point of consequence I am able to see it for what it is and walk it back to the source point and correct that point – no judgment or anger or shame is necessary as this is really not personal at all and is a part of the process of existence sorting itself out, so it is not necessary to go into self-judgment or emotional reactions or isolation – rather it can be cool to work through such points and share them so that others may benefit from these points and not have to face unnecessary time loops and consequence.
There is absolutely nothing that I am not able to do – I am already creating my entire life through what I am accepting and allowing – thus it is to become self intimate and self-aware of what I am standing as as my creation of me – the more fluent I am in the 'language' of my self creation and the details of my self creation the more I am able to take responsibility for my own life and direct it instead of allowing myself to be directed by backchat and consequence. Thus any point where I see I am diminishing myself or see I am not satisfied, I am able to correct and do not require to judge myself for or blame myself for.