Joe's Journey to Life

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 24 Nov 2013, 08:13

Day 170 – Aligning what is “Best for All”

What is best for all? How does one practically assess what is best for all? Why is it that what is best for all can be so easily missed in our everyday living that many may actually live an entire lifetime and not actually slow down and question “Is this in fact best for all?”.

So here to break it down to a more personal level – we can see many instances in our lives when we make decisions that we convince ourselves are “best for all” – where we see this decision will bring a result that will better the world and thus must be the “correct choice” – but here is where it is very easy to feel like you are making a choice that is best for the entire world if your ‘entire world’ actually only consists of your own preferences and your own world-view instead of really taking all things into consideration and looking at the bigger picture – which is something that the mind is terribly adverse to doing when it comes to decisions.

When we turn to our minds to make “decisions” in our world or when we allow ourselves to “look at things” from within our minds only – we are not realizing that our minds are like a miniature government – and like any government in the current world it responds to pressures from “special interest groups” – in other words our minds are greatly influenced by our “self-interest groups” – which would be for instance where there are many instances of self-interest and preferences and “likes” and “dislikes” that in a way band together to form a single entity – a “personality” if you will – that is then able to speak and lobby in the halls of the government that is one’s own mind, and will be able to exert influence on important decisions.

In practical terms – when we make decisions and we are trying to do what is “best for all” – we have to be sure that our vision of “all” encompasses all life in fact – and not just “all” that exists in our own minds and conceptions about what “feels” best or what “seems” best – and in order to ensure that we are really considering all life equally we have to first remove our own ego, our own preferences, our own personalities, our various “special interests” – indeed for a moment we have to let go of the entire individual life that we have lived and REALLY look at “life” and what actually matters which can only be done in self-honesty.

This means when we make decisions we cannot allow ourselves to factor in things like our personal interests, fears, desires, wants, judgments, or opinions – we must dare to stand in the position where it “hurts” our ego – where we are compelled to really face who we are as an “individual” and must be able to account for whether the “cost” of our “individuality” in away way results in a world where there is an imbalance or abuse or disregard – and any decision that favors the “easy path” that favors the short term benefit of our self-interests is thus unacceptable because it compromises what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow ego and investment into my ego which results in the accumulation and creation of self-interest which can override my ability to clearly see what is best for all because within me there would be conflict and friction and debate where there should instead be a simple and direct seeing of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider what is “best for all” within the confines and narrow definitions of my own mind and thus will allow myself to still make lesser decisions and go for what “feels” right and what “seems” right and in a way salvage and bolster my own ego and apparent “cleverness” and “intelligence” when in fact I have not taken all points into consideration or allowed myself to step beyond what “feels” right and what “seems” right based on my own individual definitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that what is best for all cannot be about ego or personality or desire or trying to achieve something special for myself - or giving myself a better “experience” within my world – and it cannot be about trying to make up for my own self-doubts or fears, but must be a decision that in every way makes the statement of what is best for all no matter what part of life I happen to find myself in – no matter who I am in this world – no matter what my particular circumstances are – what is “best for all” is the decision that will in every way possible honor life and does what is best for life and causes no harm or abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what is best for all should “feel good” and should make me happy based on my idea and belief of what “happiness” is when in fact such “happiness” can only be a self delusion if it does not align with what is best for all – which is the only state in which actual and real “happiness” is able to exist - because as long as something is not best for all how can any claim of “happiness” be legitimate and how can anything that claims “goodness” when it is clearly not equal for everyone?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up within myself and letting go of my self-interest in fearing that if I let go of my self-interest and that which I have used to define me and my individuality, I will be ‘alone’ and will no longer have the familiarity and sense of security that my self interest provides me instead of allowing myself to see and realize that when I stand within what is best for all, I actually STOP standing alone and I actually STOP worshipping my “individuality” and can actually begin to come forth as life, standing for what is best for all because in that instance, what is best for all is also what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to make decisions within considering all things and to ensure that there will be no doubt, no regret, no abuse, no self interest in any dimension of this world within the decisions that I make.

I commit myself to prove to myself and thus show and live the realization that though there may be fear or resistance or resentment or even anger toward a point that I see is best for all, my experience toward that point can only have power over me so long as I give in to my self-interest, and so long as I want to do only what benefits me and feels good to me and makes me appear to be a “better person” in my mind or have a better “individual life experience”.

I commit myself to prove and show that the pursuit of "individual life happiness" that only occasionally will reach out and assist life is NOT what is best for all and can thus be let go of without residual doubt or regret because what is best for all is NOT about having a better “individual life experience” in this world, and it is NOT about doing what will make me happier or what will make me special or what will wipe away my self-judgments and personal issues – it is about what is best for ALL and thus I align myself to the relationships, positions, responsibilities that will ensure that the result of my decision will benefit all equally to the best of my ability – and that here I must be willing to stand through resistances, fears, judgments, opinions, and self-beliefs, past experiences and forgive myself and others of my individual self-interest – and that this is a lifetime process and a lifetime commitment which will bring me face to face with my nastiness as my “individual” self-righteousness which will tempt me in every possible way to give in and not do what is actually best for all – but here I commit myself to stand firm and if I fall (and I WILL fall), I commit myself to get back up and never again look back or judge myself but to keep standing until I stop falling, and keep walking until all stand with me, and to stick to it until it is done because that is what I would like to receive - thus that is what I commit myself to give.

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 02 Dec 2013, 09:10

Day 171 - My Past Failures as Trophies

Recently I was having a conversation with somebody and I brought up my experience of having “fallen” many times in my process – and here the person shared with me a very interesting insight which I have reflected on and will now share here.

What I gathered and saw within the person’s response to me speaking/sharing about my experience of having “fallen” many times in my process was that falling is an indication to us as to where we have not established our standing and where we can strengthen ourselves and prevent ourselves from falling again – and that in this it is not necessary to “drag them on as trophies” – meaning that it is not necessary to hold on to experiences or any self definitions of having “fallen” or to continue dragging those experiences on within ourselves while we are already in a process of learning and correcting ourselves.

The common sense here ‘struck’ me for a moment in how simple it really is – and the simplicity here was ‘striking’ because I realized how much I have allowed myself to be unnecessarily hard on myself and the habitual pattern of carrying and holding on to my past and my regrets and my fears – “dragging” my previous experiences of falling and in a way always holding back and not allowing myself to fully commit to new things in my life or fully embracing new opportunities because I was still holding on to my past and my previous experiences and seeing my previous “falls” as points that I need to “hold on to” and not let go of.

Now I am seeing and realizing how limiting and self-sabotaging this is because as long as I am still holding on to the past and my mistakes and my regrets, I will always have this extra “burden” to carry – and as long as I am carrying these old “trophies” that I have made more important to me than my actual physical reality, I will remain split between two worlds – the world that is here where I am alive in each breath and can direct myself in each moment, and the world of my “past” which also includes ideas and projections about my “future” which are based on my past which I am still “dragging” and in a way trying to “fix” – and as long as I am split between these two worlds I will not be able to fully stand within a point of commitment or change or responsibility because I have divided myself – divided my focus – which impairs my integrity and makes it very easy for me to become compromised – which in itself is self-sabotage because I am the only one who can allow for such divisions to exist within me.

Thus I am seeing and realizing that for me to really be able to commit and change and see a point through to its perfection and completion, I must change my relationship to my past and my “failures” – to stop fearing to face my failures or “falls” and to stop being afraid or too “proud” to admit that I have indeed made mistakes and fallen, and within this self-honesty allow myself to really explore who I was and how it was that I created such falls – and without judgment or punishing myself or holding myself to my past rather look at where I require to strengthen myself and where I require be more directive or more gentle or more patient or more diligent – and in this way I do not need to carry my past with me or judge myself or hold any grudges against myself or define myself by how many times I have “fucked up” – but rather dare to really forgive myself and in this forgiveness really STAND and ensure that I do not again allow myself or anyone in my world to fall within the same point – and in this way I become the very solution, the very forgiveness, the very living of the “lessons” that I have learned in my “falling” and thus can let such things go and no longer have to carry them within me.

In the post to follow I will be opening this up more within self-forgiveness and correcting my relationship/definition to “falling” and the character/personality of carrying my past falling and regrets as “trophies” instead of letting them go and supporting myself with practical change so I no longer have to fear the same mistakes happening again and thus can let such fears and past experiences go.

I will open up the specific points of :

Defining myself by my failures
My past experiences/failures as "trophies" or "battle scars"
Fearing to face situations where I may have to face my previous failures again
Holding back instead of directing myself within change/expansion
Not seeing how in expanding myself I am able to become more stable and responsible for myself
Defining myself by who I have been
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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 16 Dec 2013, 09:14

Day 172 - Responsibility within Words

Here I am continuing from the previous post on the subject of holding on to my past and my experiences of “failure” as “trophies” and in this, the tendency to “drag” my past with me and in a way constantly remind myself of my past instead of allowing myself to be HERE.

For example in looking at a point of correction or a point of responsibility I may in a moment speak the words “I have fallen on that point many times before” or “That is a difficult point for me”, or “I have a long history of struggling with this point.”

In looking at this behavior I see and realize that this is not acceptable anymore – because here I am creating the context and justification/excuse for me to not live my correction in the moment absolutely – where I am still holding back and not in fact wanting to change for real or let go for real – where I am not wanting to take actual responsibility.

This point of words and my relationship to the words that I use has been missed thus far because I see how many times I still allow myself to use this point of bringing up my past or my self-beliefs or self-limitations as a kind of ‘disclaimer’ which is my way of making it ‘okay’ that I have not in fact moved or changed within a particular point in my process.

Thus as a point of correction here I re-align my relationship with words as well as the point of dragging in my past experiences as justifications and excuses instead of directing myself in the moment to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand until now that the words that I speak either physically or within myself as my own thoughts have a consequence in terms of what I am accepting and allowing myself to live and accept – because the words came from me and I am the one that spoke life into those words – thus I am responsible for the consequences of those words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I speak limitation and fear and justifications either out loud or within myself, I am already within this very point creating consequences because this is indicating that I am not HERE when speaking and that I am allowing my words to flow out of me from the mind as my ego and personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow down and consider my words in each moment and to assess the consequences of my words – in terms of how these specific words reflect who and what I stand as, and as such will have a point of consequence in terms of the self that I am creating with the very words that I use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my words into consideration and see how the words that I use have a consequential effect on what I accept within myself – and when I am not taking responsibility for these words, I allow those words to become the script/program that I will create myself with – therefore when these words are spoken in a starting point of defending my ego or my limitations – that is what I will be standing equal to and thus that is what I will live and create within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or take into consideration that when I allow myself to speak about my past failures and experiences as statements of “fact” about myself without directing myself within such statements – I am in fact bringing those statements to “life” by my very acceptance – which means that when I speak within a point of self-limitation or fear or defending my ego – I am once again creating those very patterns within myself through allowing such words to exist within me and not directly stop them.

I see and realize that if I am able to stop a thought and remove the thought – then this shows me that I am at all times responsible for my thoughts and my words – so here it is to see for myself where I am still allowing words that are not best for all – words that diminish me or set up excuses and justifications for failure instead of taking self-responsibility.

I flag now this point for myself and take responsibility for the words that I speak. I commit myself to stop speaking limitation into life – to stop speaking fear into life - and take responsibility for how I am programming and creating myself with the words that I allow.

When and as I see/notice myself wanting to speak or share a point of my past failures or a point of self-limitation, I stop and I breathe. I ensure that what I share will be shared in a way that is given direction and clarity, or I simply do not share that point at all but rather have a look for myself where I am not clear and take responsibility for that point.

When and as I see/notice myself wanting to speak a point of limitation or bring up my past mistakes as though they are trophies to be shared – I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into this kind of storytelling. Instead I share what is practical and relevant and will be of actual support instead of bringing up “old stories” which is simply a point of entertainment/distraction and setting myself up to remain stuck in the story that I tell “others” which is actually the story that I am telling myself.
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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 22 Dec 2013, 09:46

Day 173 - Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind

Resisting a problem does not make it go away – but throughout our history we can see that humanity is often more prone to continue going along with things that are unacceptable so long as things don’t get “too bad” and as long as things remain somewhat “tolerable”. Over time we see that people develop a kind of “Stockholm Syndrome” in relation to the things that most enslave, disempower, and diminish us – to a point of sympathy and identification with our captors and will even go as far as to defend the very systems and agents that keep us enthralled.

Tonight I am going to be opening up a point that has been ‘on my mind’ for many years – in fact all of my life – which I have begun to discover during my time with desteni and applying the tools and working with the material for myself – but always I would come to a similar point of “Stockholm Syndrome” when I am faced with the realization that for all of my life thus far, I have been a captive, and that I have never actually known freedom or liberty in the truest sense of those words – and most importantly, I have developed such an attachment and dependency to the very agents of my capture and enslavement that I have created a kind of split personality in which I fully identify with my condition and will even go to great lengths to PROTECT and DEFEND my diminishment, having made such a personal investment in the relationship that has developed over the years.

Now I will be frank – because the tendency is for us to take words and go on little journeys of interpretation in our minds and spin ourselves wonderful stories and pictures when the words that are used incommunication are not direct and specific – so here I am going to break this point down and share what exactly I mean with “enslavement” and the dependency that has been created.
I am speaking here about the Mind – which I have capitalized here specifically so that I differentiate this world from the common understanding of what a “mind” is. Here when I say “Mind” I am referring to a kind of ‘technology’ if you will – a mechanism within each and every one of us that has been running on autopilot for the entirety of our lives without our actual awareness or direction – which we have absolutely given ourselves over to.

For me, this Mind is most clearly understood and seen as the internal “voice” that we have – where there is the illusion that we form thoughts and pictures and experience feelings and emotions. It is the voice that comes up within us that tells us who we are, how we feel, and what our opinion is about something or someone. It is the place where we store and upgrade our various personalities which we use depending on who we are with and where we are. It is the place where we formulate our ideas and secret desires and in that illusion of “secrecy” attempt to manipulate and shape the opinions of others in order to gain the most benefit to ourselves.

The Mind is the ultimate captor – because it has so skillfully earned our absolute faith and trust. We do not ever question our Mind – we do not ever question our feelings and emotions – because they come up within us and so they MUST have been our own ‘creation’ – because our ego does not permit us to admit or accept the fact that we have in fact been manipulated and that we are in fact enslaved and our will has been co-opted by a force that has a far more superior understanding of our nature than we have of ourselves.

This is the brilliance and the “secret” of the Mind’s success – it does not do anything to us that we do not accept – and because of our own ego and unwillingness to slow down and question OURSELVES in each moment, we allow the Mind to make “suggestions” and “reminders” constantly re-enforcing the ideas we have about ourselves and our world and the people around us without us ever really LOOKING directly for ourselves and making an actual decision for ourselves.

The Mind is not some nefarious enemy – it is simply atechnology that we have thus far not understood and are now beginning to havethe ability to articulate and become aware of. The mind is not doing anything TO us – it is simply cycling over and over – presenting to us over and over the things we have ALWAYS accepted about ourselves – and as long as we go along with it – as long as we accept it’s version of who we are – that is exactly who we will become – and we will not be any wiser to the fact that all we have been doing is playing the same “tape” over and over in our Mind and calling that our “life”.

To understand the Mind in this context requires self-honesty – it requires discipline and developing a stance of being able to slow down and SEE directly the extent to which we have not in fact been “alive” in this world and the extent to which we have, in the ignorance of the technology of the Mind, allowed our entire lives to be in a way “programmed” by the things we accept without question.

And this has been the “wall” that I have often hit in my process – the point of really having to admit that I did all of this to myself – that there is nobody else to “blame” – and that I am the only one who can assist myself and support myself and that I am ultimately responsible for every word that I have spoken, and for the consequences of those words and the various lives that have been touched and how my own ignorance of the technology of the Mind has in a way been spread to others like a virus through the words that I use, the personalities that I adopt, the various things that seemed to “come out of me” that I did not slow down and question, but simply gave permission to because I was not willing to admit that I may not actually be in control or awareness of myself – and so I would “go with it” and over the years of my life I would develop all manner of relationships and ideas about myself based on my Mind, and through this have also allowed other people in my life to become trapped in the same ignorance.

In the blogs to follow I will be opening up in greater detail what I have been seeing and discovering in terms of the “technology ofthe Mind” and what I am now doing to assist and support myself and realizing that the responsibility for becoming aware of this Mind is not just about me personally – because as I mentioned this Mind is highly infectious and in blogs to follow I will show how this has lead to major consequences in our world – and what we must now do to stop.

For now – I share some self-forgiveness and correction:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too clever and too ‘smart’ to fall for the idea that I am not in control of my own thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have NOT allowed myself to consider the extent to which I have allowed my own ego and arrogance to blind me in terms of considering that perhaps the thoughts and pictures and feelings and emotions that come up within me are not actually who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear admitting to myself fully and within this, to fear taking responsibility because this means that I must now question all aspects of me and all dimensions of me that I have allowed myself to define myself by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I might go “crazy” or “lose my mind” if I were to fully investigate the technology of my Mind, and yet NOT consider that it is in fact “crazy” to allow voices and thoughts and feelings and emotions in my head that I am not directing or actively creating in awareness, which I have not questioned but would fully accept and allow to influence me, and would actually DEFEND as being who I am if I am questioned about such things – even though I myself don’t actually understand my own mind and why I have the particular thoughts that I have.

I commit myself to investigate myself and admit firstly to myself that I have not taken into consideration what my responsibility is within the thoughts of my mind, and thus I support myself with writing and self-correction and using the tools that have been proven to be the ONLY effective means of releasing the control of the Mind and restoring self-integrity – which is the process outlined by Desteni and the Desteni IProcess.

I commit myself to re-align myself and dedicate myself to understanding the technology of the Mind so that I am able to fully restore myself and thus be able to SEE reality for the first time without the limitations, fears, and filters that I have accumulated over years of not questioning my own Mind – and to show and prove that we as humans are NOT as limited or untrustworthy as we have been lead to BELIEVE.

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 28 Dec 2013, 08:46

Day 174 – Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 2

In the previous post, I opened up the point of describing out the Mind can be seen as a kind of technology – and that this technology is neither good or bad but what is relevant for us to understand is that we have not been aware of this technology and have allowed it to be running on an automatic mode for our entire lives – and we have not been keen to see the extent to which this technology has not only shaped and greatly influenced who we have become – but by extension has greatly shaped and influenced the world that we create.

Here is a recap from the previous post –

“The Mind is not some nefarious enemy – it is simply a technology that we have thus far not understood and are now beginning to have the ability to articulate and become aware of. The mind is not doing anything TO us – it is simply cycling over and over – presenting to us over and over the things we have ALWAYS accepted about ourselves – and as long as we go along with it – as long as we accept it’s version of who we are – that is exactly who we will become – and we will not be any wiser to the fact that all we have been doing is playing the same “tape” over and over in our Mind and calling that our “life”.

Tonight I will share my perspective on how I see this technology of the Mind has shaped and influenced not only ourselves but also our world, and how we are responsible for the consequences and what we can do to change not only who we are, but how we create the very world.

The Consequences of Mind Technology

Many of us are familiar with patterns and how in our own lives we can see certain things happening over and over – how there seems to be a “central theme” that keeps reoccurring in our lives. This can be for example a tendency for us to enter relationships that end the same way over and over, or finding ourselves in the same situations with people where we place ourselves into compromising positions despite “knowing better”, or it could be that we see that we have been holding on to specific memories and experiences in our lives that we do not want to let go of and will keep trying to “work out” and will thus keep bringing the same kinds of people into our lives as though the universe is saying: “Let’s do this again – with more oomph this time!” as though the previous occurrences of the same relationships and same events were a mere dress rehearsal because apparently THIS TIME it’s for real and the stakes are higher – and we find that the actors, which are the specific people in our lives – and the stage, which is the current living situation/environment we find ourselves in – may be different – but it’s the same story with the same characters with only minor touches to make it seem fresh enough for a theatrical re-release of the same show.

Now I am certain we can all look into our lives and see such patterns – how we would time and again create the same sets of drama – the same general “story” of who we are – the same struggles and challenges that we can’t seem to ‘break’ which keep re-occurring but will have different people and different settings and perhaps a slightly “updated” look for the modern times, and perhaps some of us have questioned what is going on – asking ourselves “What is it about me or the world I live in that keeps repeating the same story over and over when I already KNOW how the story will end and would rather things be different?” and the follow up question “Is it even POSSIBLE for things to be different?”

Now let me take this point and expand it a bit further so that we can see a bigger picture and understand the stakes of consequence –

In the same way that we can look at our own lives and see the same general “theme” and general pattern playing out over and over and seemingly we appear to “fall” for the same situations and people and eventsdespite “knowing better” – we can ALSO have a look at our world’s history and in the same manner see how throughout our human “civilization” we have had the same general “theme” and general pattern playing out not just in the course of a single person’s life, but across centuries and affecting billions of people in each “cycle”.

As a whole, we seem to NOT learn from our past and continue to perpetuate wars and violence and aggression and the unchecked exploitation of humans, animals, and our planet’s resources, and the only thing that seems to have changed is that our methods of repeating history have gotten “updated” and more sophisticated in the modern age.

We no longer have to, if we live in an elite country, be faced with the real consequences of what we are collectively doing to each other and to our planet, and can thus continue the same “story” of humanity even though we “know better”. And just as we can see in the patterns of our own personal lives, we can see how this story of “humanity” will end unless things change and we figure out what has been in the way of us ACTUALLY changing. This is the consequence of the technology of the Mind which we have not understood and which science has not been able to explain.

Our world, powered by Mind Technology

We somewhat understand what the “brain” is and we have a loose understanding of what we THINK our mental processes consist of – but not a single scientific body in the world has been able to mathematically and systematically explain what a THOUGHT is, where it comes from, why it exists, and what substantiates it and gives it a quality that allows us to actually “see” and “hear” inside of ourselves despite not having physical auditory or visual organs inside of ourselves.

We also have not understood how the same kinds of thoughts – with the same “energy signatures” of emotions and feelings and experiences tendto “loop” within our minds – and how we have NOT come to question what a thought actually is, what is driving that thought, and why do we constantly and continuously GO ALONG WITH the thoughts in absolute trust that it is in fact who we are – when we are not in fact the ones making an active decision to think or bring a particular thought into being?

How long have we been participating in the same cycles personally in our lives – and how long have we as humanity been participating in the same cycles throughout our human history only to find ourselves repeating the same things over and over – always THINKING we are “in control” of who we are yet we cannot deny the specificity and consistency to which we keep doing the same things, saying the same things, and going along with the same things that we KNOW are not going to end well?

The Hidden Manual to the Technology of the Mind

As with any technology – it’s application and the results and consequences of its application are not personal. The thoughts that we have are not any more “personal” than the letters or pictures on the screen of a computer. Seen as the technology that it is, a computer screen simply performs the function it is designed to perform and when paired with a computer/operating system that has been pre-programmed to do certain things automatically, words and pictures can seem to “come alive” on the computer screen and so long as we do not understand the technology that his allowing all of this to happen, we may as well assume that such words and pictures are “alive” – but this idea that something must be “alive” comes not from the computer or the programming that it is running – it comes from us – it comes from ourselves ascribing to something outside of who we are the same virtues of “life” and “substance” that we are.

And so, just as a person who has not understood the technology of the computer may see the words and pictures on a computer screen as being “real” and “alive” and motivated by the same force and essence of life that a living being has, we have not considered what technology allows the thoughts and pictures that come up in our own “internal” screens – which is the technology of the Mind.

The Desteni material has in great detail documented this technology and has shown that we can in fact uncover for ourselves how this technology works – and developing the awareness and skill to UTILIZE this technology of the Mind instead of allowing ourselves to be controlled by it – which means at the individual level we can in fact CHANGE the “story” and the “patterns” of our lives when we understand that these patterns originate from ourselves through the technology of the Mind – which by extension means that as a humanity we can CHANGE the collective “story” of our species and our potential future when we understand that the same patterns that affect us individually create the patterns that shape our world and our histories.

The Bugs to My De-Bugging

This is the process that I have been walking – to understand and become aware of the technology of the Mind and what my responsibility is in terms of how I have been creating my life and who I have been in my relationships and what I have done in my life – and understanding how all of those things has had a consequential effect in this world – and in this I have faced many “bugs” in terms of correcting myself and the technology of the Mind that I have existed as, which I will share in the blog to follow.

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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 04 Jan 2014, 02:09

In the previous posts I introduce the subject of the “Mind” and how the Mind can be seen as a kind of technology which is not inherently good or bad, but has consequences for the ‘end user’ when it’s functions are not properly understood.

For a recap on how the “Mind” can be seen as such a technology as well as examples of consequences that result from us not having an awareness or understanding of this Mind technology – check out the following posts –

Day 173 - Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 1
Day 174 – Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 2

Many of us are familiar with what a “pop up window” is. It is when we are browsing a website on the internet and a smaller window “pops up” seemingly unannounced and out of nowhere, and if this window contains content that captures our interest or attention, we will go ahead and click on this smaller pop-up window – and usually what happens is we are lead to another website and will for the moment abandon/leave behind what we were doing, distracted by this new window.

Understanding what a pop-up window is in terms of a computer and websites, we can take the same understanding to help us understand and become aware of the “pop up windows” that come up in our own Minds.

In the course of one’s day, there are many instances of these pop-up windows that come up in the form of seemingly ‘random’ thoughts, pictures, imaginations, and reactions that can come up ‘out of nowhere’ while we are doing a particular task or simply attending to our work, our studies, our practical living.

In one moment, we may be simply walking to a local market to pick up groceries – and our attention is on the movement of our body as we walk – the temperature and the conditions of the weather – the various people and places that we will pass by on our walk – all of these are physical, real, substantial things that are here in our world and cannot be ‘deleted’ if we were to shift our focus and attention.
And yet in another moment we may find that a “pop-up” arises within our awareness – and instead of our presence being here with the street we are walking on, the environment we are moving through, or the practical tasks we are engaging in within our world shifts into the background and what takes precedence is the “pop-up”.

This “pop-up window” of the Mind can come in the form of a conversation we have inside of ourselves about a particular issue that we have not resolved or experience conflict with, or it can be a memory of a past relationship or event where we still find ourselves reacting or having ‘unfinished business’ with, or it can be a momentary fantasy/imagination that captures our attention and alleviates the “boredom” of our practical daily reality – but whatever form this pop up window takes – the result is always the same. If we allow ourselves to divide our attention and “click” on this pop-up window – not only do we lose focus and attention on what is here in our practical world and what it is we are doing, we open ourselves up to various backdoors in our Mind technology which can lead to various abnormalities and ‘viruses’ to enter and integrate – much in the same way as when we are on the computer and we are not aware of where we are pointing our browsers or where we download programs or information from and thus can make ourselves vulnerable to hackers and computer viruses.

Ok so let me slow down here – I’m not saying that we now have to become perpetually ‘on guard’ or paranoid about our own Minds. The point here is that when we are not aware of where these pop-ups are coming from and where these pop-ups will lead us, we often inadvertently compromise ourselves and put ourselves into situations that can be distracting at best, or have negative consequences at worst.

Now – suppose that this Mind technology has been active for all of our lives and we have generally been unaware and have not questioned the various pop-ups and “offerings” that have come up in our Mind. We have gotten so used to the “pop ups” and they seem so “personalized” that they appear to be things that we genuinely WANT to ‘click on’ – meaning the various thoughts, pictures, emotions, reactions seem to be so “personal” that we see no reason to second guess it or doubt that it comes from some place “other” than who we are – because surely nobody “else” could know us so well as to place such personalized and appealing “pop-ups” into our Mind – right?

And besides, what is the “harm” in paying attention to these little pop-ups windows when they seem so informative, insightful, funny, clever, and seem to know EXACTLY how we want to feel, think, or react? And if we do end up going somewhere we weren’t supposed to or get ourselves too lost/distracted for a moment, it surely can’t be our fault because these darn pop-ups are so persistent how could anyone IGNORE them all?

In the next blog I will “pop” the myth of the idea that these pop-ups in our Mind are at all innocent – and HOW over time, such “pop-ups” can become more advanced and sophisticated – to the extent that we stop questioning them and will eventually ALWAYS accept these pop-ups – and the extent to which we have plastered one pop-up after another all over our actual view of the world – and what we can do to STOP – to CONTROL, ALTERNATE, and DELETE these pop ups through the process of self-honesty and self-correction.

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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 10 Jan 2014, 11:29

Day 176 - Popping the Pop Up Windows of the Mind

For a catch up on this technology of the Mind segment, check out these previous posts –

Day 173 - Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 1
Day 174 – Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 2
Day 175 – Humanity Enslaved by Pop Up Windows

Tonight I am continuing on the subject of the “Technology of the Mind” in terms of using the analogy of a computer and the various thoughts, emotions, reactions, and various imaginations in our minds being “pop-up windows” that come up and at first are simply a distraction easily dismissed.

But when we allow ourselves to “click” that pop-up window – meaning to allow our attention and participation to be given to the thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, and internal conversations that we have with ourselves – we eventually leave behind certain “cookies” in our history and eventually this information can be used “against us” or at the very least without our awareness to deliver ever more specific content that is more likely to catch our attention or match our particular interest based on our previous histories, and this in turn can increase the likelihood that the next time we see a pop-up window, we will click it again.

I find that the Mind can operate in the same manner when it comes to the particular thoughts, feelings, emotions, and particular personalities and characters that we access throughout our days – where in some moments we are here and we are focused on what we are doing practically in our world but for a moment at pop-up comes into our attention in the form of a thought or a memory – and here we have an opportunity that is often missed – here we have the opportunity to CLOSE the pop-up window immediately before it leaves a “cookie” – meaning when we are here and simply attending to our various tasks in our physical living and a thought/emotion/reaction comes into our awareness and we can already “see” the thought forming and the energy building and already can sense our body accessing a particular expression in anticipation for this coming thought – we can STOP that process before it becomes a thought.

For a moment let us imagine the following -

You are looking at something on the internet, busy with a certain bit of research that you need to do or looking for a specific bit of information online. Suddenly, there is a pop up window that shows up – just a little to the side of the screen – and you can see that there are pictures and words and content that is loading or about to be loading in that little window – but for now there is nothing there – there is just a blank window that is going to be filled with content if we ALLOW it to. At this point you still have the opportunity to simply CLOSE the window and not even participate or allow our attention to wander into curiosity about what this little pop-up window might show you.

You already know to some degree that whatever is going to be loaded in that little pop-up window is going to be some kind of advertisement or a page that is designed to distract your attention and get you to visit a different web page and once there, you will be shown even more content and there will be even more things that you might give our awareness and attention to – so here you can simply make the decision: “NO. I am busy with something now and I decide to instead give my attention to what I’m doing. I know this pop-up window has nothing relevant to contribute to what I need to be doing right now and is just a distraction if I allow it, so I decide to now simply close the window and not even give it any attention or bother letting it load up and get back to what I am doing.”

Here, there was no participation – there was no chance for this pop-up window to load up any content or pictures that would become a distraction that may entice you. You here were, aware of what you are doing, and thus were present to notice the pop up window come up on the side of the screen and “loading” it’s content to present to you, but instead of giving it your attention and allowing it to load, you simply closed the window entirely and went straight back to what it is you are doing. Here – no “cookie” can be left – there is no record or history for the system to know whether or not this particular pop-up was effective to get your attention – and the content was not allowed or given enough time to load – so there are no “temporary files” left behind on your system which this pop-up can draw from to load faster next time.

Now let us take this to the dimension of our thoughts and internal conversations and imaginations/projections –

When we actively bring our awareness HERE to our physical and practical reality – our presence is not divided or scattered and we are able to see the pop ups of our thoughts and reactions and imaginations “rise up” within us – where there is not yet a picture in our minds or words that we speak to ourselves within ourselves – there is just a “rising up” of energy that one can feel/experience/be aware of – and here we know that we can simply stop that energy and decide to NOT participate in whatever thought or imagination or picture or internal conversation this energy may present itself as. So just like a pop up window that has not yet loaded it content, we can simply dismiss this energetic “pop up” before it becomes an actual thought in our head, or a picture/imagination we see, or an internal conversation that we have with ourselves.

So, when we are actively HERE in our participation and thus actively STOPPING and deleting those pop-ups of the Mind, we can easily restore our focus and attention and our resources – we bring ourselves easily back to the task at hand instead of diverting our time, energy, focus, and awareness to trivial distractions or “special offers” meant to capture our interest and curiosity.
This was one of the first points I learned within walking the desteni process – which is the technique of “Stop. Delete” – and now that I am having a look at the Mind as a technology and here using the analogy of the computer and pop up windows – this seems an appropriate point to introduce the “Stop. Delete” method.

So here, when one realizes that there is a pop-up window that has come up within one’s attention such as a stray thought or emotion or reaction that is distracting us from being HERE in our full awareness and direction – one can simply see the pop-up for what it is without any judgment and unconditionally CLOSE the pop up by speaking the words “Stop. Delete” and unconditionally let go of whatever it is that came up or was about to come up. The “Stop. Delete” can be spoken out loud or within oneself – or whispered very quietly under one’s breath – but either way it is a very effective tool for remaining HERE and immediately stopping the Mind before the pop-ups begin to get out of hand and one finds oneself going from one thought to another, one emotional reaction to another, or one imagination/projection/internal conversation to another.

In the next post I will share about what happens when we do not actively stop these pop-ups – and how they can become more and more difficult to detect and/or stop if we develop a habit of allowing or participating in certain pop-ups and how one’s application must also change in order to restore one’s awareness and change from a pop-up window reality to actual, practical reality.
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 15 Jan 2014, 09:45

Day 177 – Rebooting the System

In the previous blogs I have been using the analogy of pop-up windows when describing the various thoughts/reactions that can seemingly “pop” into our awareness and how we can simply close the window and do not participate.

But what happens if we do allow a particular pop-up to continuously come back, over and over again and we do not close the window immediately? What happens when we let a pop-up linger and load it’s content because it is showing us something that we “want” to see and have a particular interest or a hidden desire for?

For context, please check out the other blogs on this subject of the “Technology of the Mind”

Day 173 - Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 1
Day 174 – Enslaved by the Technology of the Mind Part 2
Day 175 – Humanity Enslaved by Pop Up Windows
Day 176 - Popping the Pop Up Windows of the Mind


Ok – so what happens when we allow the pop up windows to load and we give it our attention? Here, this would be for example when a thought comes up and instead of closing that window which would be to STOP the thought when it is still in the form of an “energy” experience BEFORE it fully becomes a thought/picture in our Mind, we instead allow it to fully come up and load it’s content – which would be for instance a memory or a particular imagination that one plays over and over like a video stuck on repeat.

When we allow ourselves to continuously participate in certain thoughts/memories/imaginations instead of STOPPING them and redirecting our focus and attention to what is actually HERE in our practical, actual reality, what can happen is that these thoughts/memories/imaginations as well as internal conversations and emotions/feelings can accumulate in our awareness – where we will shift more and more into the realm of the Mind and we find that we start doing things ‘automatically’ such as our walks to and from the local market – our day to day tasks and activities – the various things we do at work or when we study – we physically “go through the motions” but within us, running in the background, is the various windows that have popped up in our minds which is where our actual attention/focus is.

I found this to be especially when there is specific events in one’s life where there is “unfinished business” or where there is still some measure of uncertainty where one is trying to “figure out” the outcome or try to create/anticipate an outcome but instead of facing the point directly in our reality, we create simulations or we go within ourselves and review our memories – or we create experiences and future projections/simulations on potential outcomes that we want to make happen or want to prevent from happening – and here because we have an “interest” in what will come of this issue/event or point of conflict that is currently in our lives, we will allow ourselves to give attention to things that SEEM to provide insight or SEEM to provide some answers.

But what we are NOT aware of here is that the more we give in to the Mind and make that a priority in our awareness – the more we slip from our actual, practical reality and the real relationships that we have in our world. And here we create the “back door” for more and more Mind distraction as we become for a moment obsessed with a particular issue we are trying to “get to the bottom of” – but here the secret is that THERE IS NO BOTTOM.

Now one will be able to see that the same pop ups keep coming up even if we do close them because our system has in a way “learned” that this particular kind of pop-up is able to get our attention and we have built up a “browsing history” where we have time and time again given our permission for such pop ups to load, and each time we did this a “cookie” was left in our system that will enable MORE pop-ups of the same kind/nature to come up and load faster and faster until it can seem like we have no control – like these things are just coming up so fast and out of nowhere – when really we are seeing the result of a “history” of accumulation.

Meaning – the more we participate in a certain kind of thought or emotion/feeling or memory/experience, the more we accumulate a pattern of participation that will eventually lead to forming certain personalities that we start living as – and will not then question the participation anymore because it has been done so many times and has left the same “history” in our bodies to such a degree that it is no longer foreign and is just part of “who we are” – but it is not actually who we are – it is rather who we allowed ourselves to become through repeated participation and accumulation.

I have faced such points where I have had to now and again “clear up” accumulations of particular ways of thinking and memories/opinions/judgments I have had about myself or about others in my world because it is quite easy for a person to fall into a pattern and not realize that this pattern is becoming more aware than we are – that more and more we are absorbed in our participation in the mind instead of in our reality.

Often, I try to be too many different people, trying to live too many different “lives” in the name of survival, or try to do too much at once or focus too much on one thing while ignoring everything else – but eventually it all catches up. Eventually, I can no longer deny that my actual participation is not at my fullest potential because I have divided myself and drained myself in trying to multitask too many things – opening up too many windows and too many tabs and trying to keep it all running while on limited resources.

I found that I was no longer attentive or supportive in my relationships because I was too busy with other stresses in the mind. I found that my focus and attention would be divided and I would find it difficult to make decisions or stick to commitments. I found that I would be tired and drained even though I had a “normal” day because of the extent to which I would keep things going “in the background” of my Mind, and I found that as a result my overall effectiveness was diminished, my physical strength was weakened, and my world seemed too difficult to deal with.

But what I found was that sometimes one needs to breathe and for a moment LET GO unconditionally – not because we are giving up, but because we need a refresh to free up our time/energy so that we can direct things more effectively than trying to do too much and having too much of our focus/awareness divided into too many places – or having too many instances of memories/thoughts/emotions/internal conversations about an event or a person in our world where we have not come to an equal standing with.

Thus, now and then I have had to give myself an unconditional “restart” – where too much was opened up and too many things were going on and the entire system was starting to lag and projects were not being finished and things were not communicating/working properly as one window opened after another and I lost sight of what I was doing or wanting to accomplish in the first place.

What I realized when restarting, is that sometimes I “lose” the progress I had made with certain projects/commitments/relationships that was not “saved”. Here, nothing can be done to bring that back and there is no shortcut to getting back to where I was, so here it is to breathe and realize that though the previous progress was not saved, it was not going to be my best work because of how I was approaching it – having my attention and my focus divided in so many things and having my system overwork to a point of programs crashing. So here it is to breathe and realize that nothing real has been lost but for some time and effort – and if it was worth doing the work the first time, then it is worth doing the work again now, one breath at a time.

And here the important thing is that it is okay to have such a “restart” – but one has to also be disciplined when starting again – one has to take things step by step and when the pop-ups begin to come, STOP them and close those windows immediately, and get things done in a pace that is practical and make sure one has the basics in place – which is stopping one’s thoughts and feelings/emotions/reactions effectively, making sure one’s world is stable and practical in terms of money and living situation, and restoring oneself to a starting point of what is best for all – to get this done even if one has to occasionally “restart” and re-align when too much gets opened up or things get too intense and one has to take one step back before taking two steps forward. - See more at: ... NewA0.dpuf

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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 22 Jan 2014, 09:34

I am WRITE where I needed to be

To begin with – just moments before my hands settled on the keyboard to type these very words, a very fascinating thing came up within me which I will share and walk through now.

As I looked at the blank page in front of me and was moving myself to write – there was a moment of feeling as though my hands suddenly “forgot” how to type – where I was sitting here with the laptop in front me and I simply held my hands in front of me, palms toward my face, and there was this moment of friction/heat within me where there wasn’t anything moving me to simply start typing and start writing this self-support blog.

Ok – so let me say it again with emphasis on the point that is relevant here :

“… there wasn’t anything moving me to simply start typing and start writing this self-support blog.”

And that is exactly the point – I had the laptop in front of me, and I already knew roughly what I wanted to write out – but then came this moment, just as I was about to place my fingers on the keys to begin my writing, came this pause which in a way almost felt like an eternity – where I “felt” as blank as the white page on my screen.

Here, I knew exactly what I was dealing with – because it is quite clear that I did not suddenly just “blank out” or that my body suddenly lost the motor function to place my hands on the keyboard and start typing and writing – so this leaves one last possible suspect which might explain this “sudden” reluctance: RESISTANCE.

So here was this moment where I was holding my hands in front of me, with the keyboard literally inches from my fingers, and yet within me came this sensation of “No, you don’t want to do this right now. This isn’t right.”

And so I sat there for a moment kind of amused at this experience yet at the same time aware of what I was facing. It was actually quite entertaining to witness this sudden “resistance” and then this pause within myself of waiting for the next thing to come up and show me what I’m supposed to do – which of course I knew would be something OTHER THAN me simply moving myself to write – because that would mean I would be directing myself and moving myself WITHOUT first having an energy or thought or “motivation” come to me.

This is in a way perfect because I had planned to write about the tendency for us to go into our old habits and old patterns – especially when we’ve had an experience of “falling” on a point of commitment or when we’ve been in a prolonged state of “depression” after something in our lives doesn’t work out and we have to then sort through the consequences and get things “back in order” – and something that tends to happen is we for a moment lose sight of who we are and what we are doing – we lose sight of WHY we moved ourselves and allowed ourselves to take a chance on something or push ourselves in a particular point – and when things get too “overwhelming” in our minds and we give in to that experience of being “overwhelmed” and things start to unravel or we hit upon a wall, the tendency is to go into a slump and experience ourselves as “deflated” – and instead of sticking with that original point no matter what and not giving up, we look for a way “out”.

And so we find a way to cleverly excuse ourselves from staying committed and we find ways to blame the other people involved, or we blame not having time, or we blame not having money, or we even blame the universe for putting us into this situation – but as long as we go looking for a reason or excuse to stop and not push ourselves through our comfort zones, we will FIND that excuse – because there is nothing that the technology of the Mind loves more than having us go running back into its arms with our tails between our legs, begging to get back to our old idea of ourselves which it is all too happy to supply and provide.

What will quickly begin to happen is that we begin to find instances where we tell ourselves:

“This isn’t right. This is not what I am supposed to be doing. I made a mistake! I have to get out of this – Oh my god what will all the OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME!!!! I need to think about MY FUTURE!! Man, I need to get things ‘back on track’ for myself before I… before I… break through my own fears and resistances!”

And so comes this point of resistance – where we are standing before a decision or a moment where we need to push ourselves and even though we don’t know what lies ahead, outside of our self-defined comfort zone – this resistance will come and say: “It’s okay – you don’t have to push yourself through that – you don’t have to actually face yourself – you can just blame me, your old pal Resistance – Don’t worry I’ve got your back!”

When I look back at the moments where I felt the most crazy and my backchat was most intense and when I had the most resistances and the most excuses and reasons and justifications for why I should not continue with a particular point or why something just isn’t “working out” and thus I must “leave it behind” so that I can get back to “myself” – it was always when I was faced with a moment where I had an opportunity to CHANGE – and within that, an opportunity to stop participating in giving myself over to my own mind and instead MOVE MYSELF in a new direction that would allow me to redefine myself and take responsibility for a part of me that I had neglected and allowed to become automated through the technology of the Mind.

Interestingly – the points where I saw the most potential – the most REAL opportunity for change and redefining myself in a way that would make me stronger and authoritative in my stance – were always the ones where I had the strongest urge to “not go there” – and the greatest excuses and justifications for me to stop and not push there were always the ones that “feel right” and “would be the smarter, more logical choice”.

And so here to bring it back to the opening of this blog – just as I was standing on that seemingly small moment of realizing I was about to place my hands on my keyboard and write to support myself – the “smarter, logical choice” would have been to not push myself and write and rather “wait” for inspiration or wait for me to know exactly what to write about before I write it… because that way I can be sure that I do not have to actually MOVE MYSELF and take responsibility for my own movement in a way that isn’t about what feels good or what seems right – but what is actually BEST FOR ALL .

I will expand in the blogs to follow – to specify what it is to push myself through my own resistances and to stop trusting what “feels right” and what seems like the “smartest, logical choice” or the choice that will have the most “support” from people in my world, or the choice that will make me “look good” – as well as open up the point of how the Revenge of the Ego can so cleverly connive us into turning AWAY from the very things that would strengthen us the most and rather settle for lesser or “safer” choices that will ensure we never actually get to that point of MOVEMENT – where we take our hands and MOVE OURSELVES to put our fingertips to the keyboard, breathe, and WRITE no matter how strange it may feel to go against our own feelings/desires, no matter what “others may think”, no matter what the smarter/more logical choice may seem to be – because what is actually best for all can, and often does, go against all three, and our ability to still do what is best for all in the face of this makes all the difference in the world.
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 26 Jan 2014, 10:24

Day 179 - Am I Really Taking All Things Into Consideration?

Tonight I am expanding on the previous post in which I open up the point of how one can often face a point where there is a tendency to follow one’s “gut” feeling, or go with what “feels right”, or seek the point of immediate satisfaction or relief instead of slowing down and really having a self-honest look at the decision that is before us and not letting our own egos get in the way of making the choice that is best for all.

One thing that I notice about commitments and what “best for all” actually implies – is that it is in NO WAY based on or compelled by our emotions or feelings, and can in no way be dependent on energy – such as a constant/continuous sense of “excitement” about something or a prolonged sense of “duty” or “obligation” that compels a person to work hard.

The reason why what is “best for all” cannot be in any way directed by such starting points is that those starting points can only be sustained for so long before the ENERGY runs out – and once that happens the “motivation” to do what one saw as “best for all” begins to fade – and then one is exposed and must face oneself in having to see and realize that they were not in fact doing what was best for all, but rather they were only doing what “felt right”, what “felt good”, and what gave them a sense of PURPOSE which was only a temporary experience that was not going to last forever.

This is a point that I here bring back to myself and reflect for/as myself – this question of what is actually best for all and what does commitment mean within the context of best for all? And here, more specifically what is my relationship to the resistances that come up – the backchats that arise from within me when I face a point in my world/reality that conflicts with the commitments that I had made for myself? Who am I when I “Change my mind” or when I do something that is less than or contrary to my own commitments?

One thing that I do see clearly and thus will use as part of the foundation for my definition of “Best for All” – is that one CANNOT rely on a feeling or an “inspiration” to keep oneself motivated to continue. For myself, this is something that I have definitely allowed myself to backslide on quite a few times – which is where I will face a point and I would for instance not get it right away, or I would be stuck in the same dimension/point for days, weeks, or sometimes months – and here I would more and more shift away from my commitments to myself and the principle of doing what is best for all because in my MIND it would seem “justified” – because I was feeling “low” or because I was not “in a good place” – and therefore I excuse myself more and more from sticking to the point of commitment and doing what is best for all DESPITE how I am feeling or what I am going through personally – because life is not a PERSONAL thing and certainly there is much work to be done in our world that takes priority over my feelings and my personal “funks”.

So what does this mean? What does this imply practically? It means that the excuse of feeling low or tired or depressed or angry or frustrated is not valid in terms of keeping with my commitments and doing my best no matter what, and ensuring that I support myself effectively and support others in the way that I would like to be supported one and equal ESPECIALLY when it is the last thing that I want to do.

Here, I will walk/share self-forgiveness in terms of bringing this insight of what is best for all within my practical decisions and living as the beginning step of my self-correction and alignment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my personal preferences and personal desire/need/want and secret agendas to take priority over what is best for all and to NOT take into consideration that this is not MY world and this reality is not here to service or provide me with resources and energy so that I can further separate myself from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand until now that constantly holding on to emotions and feelings and grudges from/about the past is not actually assisting myself or anyone else in this world effectively – because while I am generating more and more energy as an experience for myself in keeping all of the guilt and regret and anger “alive” within me, I am taxing my physical body – taxing the very substance of me that gives me life unconditionally – and here in self-interest I had not considered how ultimately self-serving and spiteful it is for me to continue holding on to such experiences, to feel “sorry” about myself, to “regret” my past – when the world is in dire trouble and daily is pushed to the brink of destruction with little indication that humanity will let go of our self-interest, and yet the world does not “give up” – it keeps turning – it keeps going with all that is here – and does not stop to wallow in its misery or hide itself out of shame, with no guarantee that tomorrow will be better, or that there even will be a tomorrow, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the will, the stability, the consistency, and the integrity of this physical world which has given me life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when facing a problem within my world or within my relationships, to first go into how this will affect ME and how this makes ME feel, and to give priority to how I am reacting or experiencing this issue personally instead of realizing that this is not just about “me” – that everything here in this world is interrelated and interdependent and that behind the veils that we put up as our egos, as our emotions and reactions toward each other, as the ideas and judgments that we form and later associate with certain people in our lives – behind all of that lies the awareness that we are all actually equal and that NOBODY is in fact truly “happy” or “content” – that even those who seemingly have it “all together” are facing inner demons and having to suppress their backchat and internal conflicts – because the only way true contentment, true happiness, and true fulfillment can exist in this world, is for those expressions to be EQUAL – for all of us to be able to drop our veils and veneers and personalities and coded words – to be able to speak to each other without fear, without holding back, without judgment, doing everything we can to support ourselves and each other because we dared to see and realize that we ARE each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with points in my reality where I am tempted to just give in… just “one more time” and not live my commitment to do all that I can in each moment in consideration of what is best for all, not take into consideration until now all that has transpired in this world for me to even be at this moment where I apparently have a “choice” to not do what is best for all and take all that has been given to me and all that our world and the countless lives that share it have gone through, are still going through, and likely will continue to go through, because we have not yet dared to live what is best for all in each moment but will blame “others” for not standing up –

And here, I bring this to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand absolutely and use the excuse of “others” in the world who I just as not standing and thus will not give my all, will not do what is best for all, will not stand absolutely for myself and be an example for the “others” or consider looking at how I can best assist and support the “others” to not accept their own limitations or fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with the prospect of new projects, new potential relationships, new careers, and new excitement that seems to feel “good” and feel “right” and will earn me validation from my peers and others in the world, to TRUST those feelings of validation and feeling “good” and convincing myself that I am doing the “right thing” based on those impulses of excitement and in this, not self-honestly slow down and consider what it is that I am ACTUALLY participating in and how easy it is to compromise myself under the banner of doing “what is best for all” when the starting point was energy, was excitement, was me falling into a character/personality of superiority and ego, convincing myself that I apparently know what is best and should trust my mind’s decisions and calculations instead of sticking with a point of commitment no matter what and ensure that I am not moved or influenced when things get tough and things get REAL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the trust I have given to my own mind as my ego, as my personalities, as my way of “reasoning” and my way of looking at the world and my relationship/responsibility within it – and to have depended on this trust in my mind and ego in place of making decisions and commitments for myself and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist/fear/suppress the responsibility of being ALIVE and to realize that being ALIVE means I stop being automated – that I stop allowing my decisions to come served to me on a golden platter where all I have to do is just go with what I “feel like” and what will make me most “happy” when happiness cannot in fact exist when there is suffering in this world – that to truly be ALIVE I must stand within each decision and breath and ensure that I am really here, participating and taking all things into consideration – that I do my best at all times to give as I would like to receive and to ensure that this is reflected in my words and in my actions and in my decisions, understanding that this will at times place me into conflict with my ego and that this may at times mean that I must stick to the principle of my commitments – ESPECIALLY if/when I must be gentle when I want to be angry – when I must be forceful when I want to be passive – when I need to stand up when I want to step back – when I must be accepting and push myself to understand another unconditionally when I want to blame and be judgmental and make THEM take responsibility for my experiences/reactions.

I commit myself to explore and integrate the principle of what is best for all in what I do in my daily life and in my considerations – to continue to push this point until it becomes me as a part of who I am.

I commit myself to, when and as I see and notice that I am about to make a decision that is less than what is best for all – to stop, breathe, and consider whether or not my decision in this moment is the decision that LIFE would make on behalf of all LIFE, if it were in my shoes right now, and align myself to do what is best for all and not allow resistance or ego or internal experiences of friction/conflict define me – to rather dare to walk “through” that wall of resistance because I see and understand that my “life” is here in many ways by the grace of the world itself – that I alive and have an opportunity to do what billions of people are not able to do with the lives that they currently must live, and had I been born in their position, I would want for others who have the opportunity to change this world – to do everything in their power to bring that change into reality and not just focus on themselves, but take life into consideration in all that they do – and so this is what I will myself and commit myself to align to, to give to others in this world what I would like to have been given, one and equal –that no matter which life I may find myself in, it will be a life worth living that has dignity and the opportunity for expression and true joy in the course of that life, and to ensure that this is the kind of world that all life will be born into. - See more at: ... QOVke.dpuf

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