Joe's Journey to Life

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 01 Feb 2014, 02:50

Day 180 - What do we really give when we "give up"?

Start by putting my hands on the keyboard. That is the practical correction for times like this where I have written and prepared a point that I would like to write out and share as a blog, and I am faced with that “blank wall” of my screen and I find myself retreating back into my mind – trying to figure out what to say and trying to in a way internally process the words and the realizations instead of writing them out into a physical format where I can see it practically instead of just mentally.

And voila’! Here I am writing, moving myself, the words coming onto the page as I type, as I see the words form, as I feel the keys beneath my fingertips, as I breathe and again come back to reality and in a way pull myself out of my mind. So, continuing.

Here, I am taking a look at a point that opened up after listening to the interview “Atlanteans - Giving Up : Self-Forgiveness”. Even in this moment of typing I still find myself shifting around and wanting to get up out of my chair and conveniently distract myself with anything other than really being here – so this is quite cool in fact because here I am able to give myself the opportunity and authority to change and decide who I am in relation to this point of resistance.

In the interview, what arose within me was a realization that “giving up” is a point that has had quite a prominent role in my life experience thus far. If there was to be a central plot device or a recurring ‘character’ in the movie of my life, “giving up” would definitely be one of the primary ones. But this time what I had not considered before was to look at the very point of what “giving up” actually is – as in considering who is the one that is ‘giving up’, and what exactly is it that is being “given” when I “give up” on something?

One part of the interview really struck me – where it is mentioned that “giving up” is not just “giving up” on a particular task or relationship or job or whatever, and that “giving up” is actually “giving up on self”. This is something that I had definitely overlooked and had not fully taken into consideration.

Often in my life I have faced points where things just did not seem like they were going to work out – where it seemed EVERYTHING was going ‘wrong’ and that the ‘best choice’ would be just to stop, to call it quits, to just suck it up and accept my losses, and then “excuse” myself from the point – which is where I will literally go into my oh-so-clever Mind and selectively pick out all of the logical seeming excuses (hence “excusing” myself) for why it would be apparently “best” to stop, to not push through, to not trust that I can get beyond what I am facing, to not trust that my resistances and fears are only energetically charged up and are not permanent, and to accept myself as how I am in that moment of frustration and fear instead of seeing through this veil of self-manipulation.

Often the rationale here would be that I am just giving up on this situation, or this particular relationship, or this particular point – and that right now my resistances and fears and my life and my finances and all manner of reasons are more “valid” than me not giving up – that it would be “best” to let my backchat and my fears and my desires have their say for now – but in fact what is happening here is I am giving up on MYSELF – and by extension I am giving up on all in my world – that this “giving up”, when I really look at it, is not actually based on practical consideration – but on the logic of the mind, of the ego, of fear, of limitation, and in this the MOST IMPORTANT point is not seen.

When one gives up on oneself – one’s entire world falls because we are not standing and we are not inhabiting the one place in this world where we can create ourselves and take responsibility. That place is the physical reality right here in our physical bodies, with the time that we each have while we are on earth. When we give up on something, we are always in a way giving up on ourselves and by extension we are giving up on the people in our lives.

We are essentially saying that the life potential that we are will NOT be given support, will not be given the opportunity to break through the resistances and fears that keep our expression as living beings suppressed, and that what we are in this moment is all that we are and can be in this life despite the awareness that this is not in fact who we are or who we really want to be.

So here I see it is time for me to dig deeper and get clear on what it is that I actually “give up” on when I give up on something or when I allow myself to walk away when things get difficult or seem impossible in the mind – when fears and emotions and reactions run high and I am feeling most submerged and trapped – that such moments are when I am closest to the break through point and that at such moments is when I need to stand within myself the most – to be the most stable and most unconditionally supportive – and that the same goes for the people in my world – to instead of walking away from myself and giving up on myself or walking away from or leaving people behind or pushing them away – rather push and see that here I am only giving up on myself and others as myself and eventually I will have to face this exact point again but with MORE consequence –

Therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT take into consideration until now that when I allow myself to “give up” on a point and walk away from something and thus listen to the reasons and logic and excuses in my mind for why it is “best” to give up on myself or others in my world, or push others into categories of separation and labels of who is superior or inferior or who is “going to make it” and “who is not going to make it”, I am here DIVIDING myself, separating myself, and here I am giving up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and consider until now that the energy that I have spent in my lifetime thus far trying to manage and deal with all of the consequences of me having given up on myself and others and by extension having already given up on “humanity” as a whole, has only served to drain me, divide me, and further create conflict and broken promises and shallow commitments and relationships/projects that do not last and do not stand – because I have not given myself the courage and commitment to stand through it all and not give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration until now that while the world is currently falling apart and seemingly going crazier and more chaotic and desperate by the moment, it is so because of the extent to which we have individually given up on ourselves and each other – the extent to which we have abandoned ourselves and each other – and in this my first point of correction is the correction of myself – to not again give up or allow giving up because it is more than just me in my private world that is affected.

Thus I commit myself to in these moments of greatest doubt and resistance and wanting to give up or give in to the “easy path” of the mind and ego, to NOT allow myself to give up on the life potential that I am – the life force that can become submerged and oppressed by the fears and doubts and the twisted “logic” and “reason” of my Mind and ego.

I commit myself to stop giving up on myself as the awareness of life, of our oneness and equality that has been submerged and suppressed by our collective fears, resistances, and excuses/justifications – that who I am as life, as awareness, as that quality of me that sees and does care about the state of this existence and realizes that there is so much more that we can be and become together, is worth standing up for, worth fighting for, worth standing with, worth walking through the pain and fear and resistances and mistakes for – because that awareness of me is the life that I actually am, that we each are – and no fear or resistance or excuse in our minds can ever really compare to the potential of life that is here just beyond the illusionary walls of resistance.

I will continue more and open up the “history” of what has been previously accepted in my own past – and how the point of “giving up” has over the years evolved from an original point from my youth – and will walk for myself and share how in my memories and earliest acceptances I already set the foundation for “giving up” – and how this can be changed as I walk myself back, as well as walk/share more specific self-forgiveness. - See more at: ... T70a2.dpuf

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 12 Feb 2014, 11:37

Day 181 - Roots of Masters, Roots of Slaves

One of the most important things for a person to investigate and become aware of is the extent to which our childhood years have set the foundations and cornerstones for the person that we will grow into adulthood as – because during this formative years so much is retained within us that we do not at the time understand – and in the world that we live in today there is absolutely NO practical understanding by parents in terms of what is actually going on during a child’s development years and how critically important it is that a child’s environment be stable, that their health is well looked after, that there is emotional stability and real trust/intimacy between the parent and child.

It has taken me some time, but one of the things I have been discovering and becoming more clear on is the fact that the specific TYPE of energy that a person experiences most will influence the types of thoughts and feelings/emotions a person will create and generate, and these types of thoughts and emotions/feelings will further create a tendency within a person depending on the nature of thoughts/feelings/emotions they participate in most – and all of this begins in the beginning years of a child’s life.

I have come to see that childhood traumas – particularly those stemming from a child’s parent(s) and particularly where there is an element of emotional and/or physical abuse – are not just “wrong” in terms of a social standard – but are “wrong” from the perspective that such things create an inaccurate and thus wrong – meaning “not correct” – foundation point upon which a child must further develop.

One of the most damaging things that can happen is the loss of integrity a child has within their self-awareness and self-identification – where a child experiences emotionally abusive and damaging events that become suppressed within the child.

There is a very dangerous and ultimately damaging thing that can develop within a child that experiences trauma and loses connection or the ability to trust and develop the confidence to expand and face fears and challenges practically – because such children will internalize the traumas and throughout their lives will recreate the same patterns over and over, and often they will themselves become abusive toward others and should they have children of their own, the same cycles tend to repeat and thus the abuse continues and crosses generational lines and can become even more embedded within particular family lines across generations.

The specific point I will bring up here has to do with the subject of “learned helplessness” and the “victim” mentality – and how we can often become so blind to such things that we become abusers to others without actually being aware of the effect that we actually have on others.

There are two distinct points that tend to develop within people depending on the nature of the being and the kinds of energies/traumas that they experience during childhood, and as well as other factors such as generational predispositions and social influences, etc – and for the purpose of this blog and blog posts to follow in this series – I will call these two points DOMINATOR and SUBMISSIVE.
The Dominator is what can develop within a person who responds more to positive type energies, is more closely identified with “male” aspects/expressions than “female” ones, and tends to take on challenges and constantly seeks opportunities to “best” others through competition or displays of status/power. This type of person can be very driven, but this drive can be based in fear and needing to always be the “best” because this in a way brings security through status and social approval when on the inside there can be massive insecurities and anxieties that are not allowed to express due to fear of showing vulnerability or weakness – which may express through being reactive towards and dominant towards those they believe as “weaker” or “inferior”.

The Submissive is what can develop when a person responds more to negative type energies, is more closely identified with the “female” aspects/expressions than the “male” ones, and tends to shy away from challenges and would rather seek ways to not have to be in positions of responsibility or leadership due to internalized fears that they are inadequate or “unworthy”. This type of person can be very creative and sees things more deeply and with more complexity, but this can be stemming from over-internalization and fear of being direct and applying “force” of any kind and thus tends to be overly passive when actions are necessary, and are often easily taken advantage of by others. Such people can develop a dependency on outside structures and authority figures and will consider those who have authority or power to be superior, because the submissive believes him/herself to have no power of their own.

What we should realize here is that BOTH aspects are active in one way or another within each person – and that each and every human being on earth HAS gone through some level of trauma as a child – and when ONE form becomes the dominant aspect within a person to an extreme degree, what develops are disorders in individuals that eventually, as a group, can become disorders within complete societies – and this I will open up more in the blogs to follow.

For now, can you identify with being more of a Dominator or Submissive? Do you think one is better than the other? It is time for us to understand what these archetypes are, how they develop within us, and how SPECIFICALLY these become foundation points for MANY problems in our lives – but we can through understanding and being able to identify the memories and types of energy that we have suppressed and integrated ourselves with, free ourselves from both polarities and be able to take what seems to be polar opposite extremes and merge them in a way that produces what is best for all.

For those interested in more detail about what REAL parenting should have always been, check out this series "Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race" on Eqafe

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 22 Feb 2014, 03:34

Day 182 - Balancing Dominance and Submission - Part One

In my previous blog I introduced the point of “Dominator and Submissive” – which are two distinct and polar opposite manifestations that can occur within a person’s development and how over the years there can be a tendency for one point to become more focused/developed than the other – and how this can cause imbalance and conflict in a person’s world.

For much of my life, I had defined myself as being “more philosophical than literal”, and have for a long time accepted that I am “not able to do advanced mathematics” and that I tend to relate to my world and process information more holistically and metaphorically than logically. And for a long time I thought that this is simply “my personality” and that this is simply “who I am” – because indeed I have often experienced subjects such as math to be difficult and uninteresting whereas writing essays or participating in discussions and philosophy or ancient/hidden mysteries have been much more interesting for me.

But with this acceptance, I also came to accept myself more and more within the definition of being the “submissive” type, and over the years have more and more “tailored” myself to this alignment without stopping to question whether or not this is actually who I am, or whether the “person” that I have come to be is the result of acceptances and beliefs that I have simply allowed to develop “on its own” to such a point that I no longer separate who I am from who I am accepting myself as.

In this series of blogs I will be opening up and correcting for myself the dual characteristics of the “Dominator” and the “Submissive” which are qualities that we can see in everything in our reality but specifically I am dealing with the personal – in having a look at how these two points have, through my own acceptance and allowance, greatly influenced and shaped my development since childhood, and what this implies in terms of the ability to change who we are when we understand these concepts and take personal responsibility for them.

I will begin with the “Submissive” category of personality developments because this is the category that I have more dominantly lived in my lifetime – though here it is to realize that all things are a reflection point – meaning the “Dominator” and “Submissive” categories are polarities of each other, and where one exists, the other exists as well. The question here would be where is one more dominantly expressed/energized and where is the other more suppressed/unexpressed and how to establish a balance and harmony even in the face of extreme polarity. So here it is for us to see and determine what our own relationship/placement is in terms of “Dominance” and “Submission” to understand that one is not ‘better’ than the other and that as long as one point is more prominent and without a balancing point, one can more easily fall for the energies or personalities that resonate most with either dominance or submission.

In the next blog, I will begin with working with the category of “Submission” and the several ways this term can play out in one’s life and what consequences may manifest in our personal as well as inter personal lives when one is in an imbalance to “Submissiveness”
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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 06 Mar 2014, 11:32

Day 183 - Balancing Dominance and Submission Part Two

Within all things, there is a point where something is able to exist within harmony and balance in a way that is best for all – meaning that there is always a way to bring points to a common, supportive, and mutually beneficial agreement in which characteristics or traits that are usually contradictory or polar opposites of each other can actually bring out each others strengths andoffset each others weaknesses.

To this end, I am opening up this point of “submissiveness” in relation to “dominance” and how there are qualities within “submissiveness” which can be quite supportive when it is utilized in the proper context and understanding – and also how “submissiveness” can become a limiting and self-diminishing point that not only has negative consequences for self, but also by extension negative consequences for others in one’s world.

The key is always to realize that there is strength within all things one may perceive as weak – and there is weakness in all things that one may perceive as strength. Within this concept, it is about having self-awareness and being able to decide what part of the equation one is standing within – is one utilizing a particular trait/characteristic in a way that is best for all and brings out the best in all that one interacts with, or is one utilizing one’s traits/characteristics in a way that only benefits self-interest, ego, and causes diminishment and separation/conflict within one’s world?

Submissiveness firstly requires some definition and clarity. When I speak here of “submissiveness” I am not talking about being completely powerless or having no self-will. I am not speaking here submissiveness from the perspective of being inferior or a slave.

The word “submissiveness” tends to have certain connotations in people’s minds so it may help to see “submissiveness” as describing the “feminine”/creative/passive/reflective/holistic nature, as opposed to “dominance” which can be seen as describing the “masculine”/structural/expressive/directive/logical nature.

Some characteristics and traits that can be supportive within this kind of “submissiveness” would be patience, the ability to see things unconditionally from another’s perspective without judgment, the ability to see things in a unified and whole picture instead of as the sum of individual parts, and the ability to work with principles and intangible concepts and turn them into practical applications.

However – when one becomes out of balance and shifts into a polarity of being overly submissive – there are negative consequences that can manifest such as becoming overly dependent on external figures of authority, having difficulty working with things that are based on linear logic and reason, being easily swayed by emotions and polarity swings, being overly focused on the past, not having practical self-will or self-trust and thus allowing things that are abusive to continue despite being aware of the consequences, and becoming too much of a “dreamer” instead of taking practical action in one’s life.

What I have come to see is that this “submissiveness” is not so much a specific personality or characteristic – but is a kind of “nature” so to speak that can exist in varying degrees within an individual and depending on whether or not this particular nature is aligned effectively, it can manifest and come through within the various characters and personalities that exist within the mind – and the same applies for “dominance” which I will explore later on.

For now, self-forgiveness on patterns that I have identified within having an imbalanced nature of “submissiveness”.

The word “submissiveness”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word “submissiveness” the idea or belief that being submissive means one has no power and no authority and is therefore something “bad” and negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider redefining my relationship to the word and nature of “submissiveness” to understand it’s practical strengths so that I can better utilize them within my self-creation, and to as well understand it’s potential weaknesses, so that I am able to supplement and assist/support myself to not be a victim within submissiveness due to ignorance and lack of self-intimate understanding within the nature of “submissiveness”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who are submissive are weak and open to abuse and are gullible and thus “deserve” any abuse they experience within this world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself until now, to see, realize, and understand that the negative and diminishing expressions of submissiveness are symptoms of imbalance and should not be seen as submissiveness itself.

I commit myself to redefine my relationship with this word and the concepts that it expresses – to remove my own thoughts and ideas and opinions about what it means to bring “submissiveness” into equilibrium within myself that I may utilize it’s supportive qualities and strengths as well as understand it’s weaknesses so that I can support myself and others effectively when there is an imbalance of this “nature”.

I will continue with more aspects/dimensions in blogs to follow.
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 09 Apr 2014, 10:04

Day 184 - Driving Dangerously with the Mind and Momentum

Tonight I am having a look at the difference between having “momentum” and having “motivation” and why it is important to have a clear definition and understanding of these terms.

Often times I would find myself to be in a particular “mode” where there is a new opportunity or there is some particular challenge within my life and facing this point, I summon up a kind of “motivation” where I become quite focused and determined within myself, and will set out in earnest on my new path with every expectation of seeing it through to the end – only to find that this “motivation” would eventually turn into something else and where there was once a passion or a drive or a “hope” towards some outcome there would instead be a sense of “dread” and reluctance and feeling as though I just got myself into a situation or circumstance that was not actually “the right choice”.

But having gone into it with such enthusiasm and determination in the beginning, a new “layer” seems to be created which is that even though I can now see my starting point was not clear and was based on excitement and positive energy and hope, I had within that initiated a sequence of events and actions that now cannot be “undone” and as I move and turn to correct the direction I am heading in, there is an experience of waves of resistance born from the initial excitement of hope and positivity and the emotional/energetic charge of “determination” – and what this indicates is that over time as I engaged in sequences of events based on an initial point of excitement and positivity and projecting an outcome in the “future”, what was building up and accelerating was a kind of “momentum” – where day after day of doing the same thing and going after that projected future and building my expectations on hope and developing a kind of focus and tunnel vision where all that mattered was that particular end result, and within this kind of focus one can indeed accomplish many things but when things become so accelerated and one’s days begin to grow more and more similar, repeating the same motions and actions and looking ever forward to that projected outcome it becomes very easy to lose sight of one’s actual starting point and as well to lose one’s relationship to the words “motivation” and “momentum”.

So here I am sharing what I have seen when looking at the dynamics of this –

When motivation is self-directed in each moment, one is always “in control” from the perspective of one being able to see immediately where one’s course or direction or where one’s words or relationships are heading in a direction that is actually contrary to where one actually wants to be.

When motivation is self-directed in each moment – meaning one is fully here in each breath and really here with each decision, each action, each word spoken/written/thought – there is no accumulation of energy and there is no “momentum” building up from the perspective of one slipping into an ‘autopilot’ mode.

A practical way of looking at this is to imagine when one is driving and for a moment one loses one’s awareness and focus and essentially dozing off behind the wheel only to snap back to reality moments later to realize that one has missed the turn that one was supposed to have made, and is now travelling far too quickly to be able to turn safely. To now suddenly apply the brakes would cause more consequences because one had built up speed and “momentum” and had merged into the general “flow” of traffic where there are others in one’s vicinity also driving, having matched your speed and momentum, and thus if you apply your brakes suddenly and try to veer off into that turn you had missed, you would not only place yourself in danger, but will also create consequences for other drivers sharing your lane.

Now – to put this into a more personal framework, the same principle applies to when one sees that the direction that one has taken is not leading to where one in self-honesty actually wants to go, but because of the amount of time and the relationships that have formed and the various sequences of events that have taken place in one’s physical world, it is at times not possible and often not supportive to suddenly “change everything” without considering what kind of momentum one has built up, or how one’s living and decisions have affected the lives of others who have had to make their own decisions and choices based on your own – and even though each person is ultimately responsible for themselves and their own choices, it does NOT remove one from being responsible for taking into consideration the positioning and the relative ability of others to respond to your decisions and choices in a responsible and stable way – just as it is NOT acceptable to swerve one’s car suddenly and without warning just because one apparently has the “right” to do so because they do not want to go the “wrong way” – one has to take into consideration one’s part in the “bigger picture” and just like driving on a highway or busy street, there are times when one has to for a moment consider whether or not making a sudden correction may cause negative consequences to others that cannot be undone, and realize that if you want others to take you into consideration, you must be do the same and be the living example of that EVEN IF it seems nobody else is actually doing it.

So in my personal life I have seen this particular dimension a few times – where decisions were made, words were spoken, or actions were taken within a point of reaction or energy – which can be both positive OR negative, hopeful OR despondent, dominant OR passive – where one was not actually fully HERE, taking into consideration the bigger picture and the consequences that flow from one’s words and actions, and instead trusted one’s “gut instinct” or trusted one’s emotions/feelings – whether they were positive or negative – instead of looking at the situation clearly and without energy and making the choice that is in all ways best for all – which can really only be seen when one lets go for a moment of the tunnel vision that we create where all that matters is our own personal destination and our own personal need to “get somewhere”, which separates us from the road we are traveling on, the fellow travelers on the path, and our relationship to the very vehicle (in this case our living, physical body) that we are traveling with, and blinds us from seeing that the actual “destination” is not some place just for us that we have to race toward and be willing to drive others off the road for, or cut people off in order to get to, or to speed so far ahead that we leave behind the very fellow travelers that once traveled one and equal with us.

The actual destination that we are all equally embarked on is the Journey to Life – is the passage out of our individual tunnels of self-interest and narrow vision so that we can see that we are, and have ALWAYS BEEN, responsible not only for how we walk our own life, but how our living contributes to and affects the lives of all others – that there is in fact no separation but it’s illusion made real through our minds and personal separations and ego – and as such whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, we can no more accurately deny the consequences of our words and actions any more than we can rewind time or retract an arrow that has been loosed from a bow. And here, there is a kind of “finality” to what we do and what we say in the time that we have left – because once something is done, it is really done and cannot be ‘edited’ to fit our ideals or intentions in looking back. We cannot re-write our history to justify where we are now – but we CAN begin immediately a process of slowing down our momentum, of signaling to others that we are now engaged in a change in direction – that where we have been traveling is no longer taking is where we need to be, and that we are taking into consideration that others will have to adjust to our change. This we do with care and understanding to not cause unnecessary trauma or reaction – but also we do this with a sense of urgency – knowing that the longer we stay on a path that is not best for all, the further the detour will be for us to get back on track – and at some point if we do not correct our course, there is no turning back.

In the blogs to follow I will continue on this point of “momentum” and “motivation” as well as expand on what I have seen as “course correction” and how it can be consequential if done dangerously OR if done too late.
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 18 Apr 2014, 08:19

Day 185 - Wherever we go, HERE we are

Many times I have faced instances where I had made a mistake – a mistake that I “knew better” than to make but made anyway because I either went into a point of ego/self-interest and decided that I would just take a risk and do things the easy way and see if I can just get away with it, or because I trusted my emotions and feelings and past memories instead of trusting my ability to look at the situation as it is here and now and do what I see is clearly best even if there is no immediate reward, or if there is even a “reward” to be had at all.

In either case I have often found myself in situations where there has been a mistake – where there has now been a consequence – and many times I would sink into a pattern of sitting back and watching the consequence brew and become more and more… consequential, and as I would observe this point of consequence and seeing that I had indeed made a mistake, I would also experience a point within myself where it seems less and less likely or possible to correct the mistake – and in this way the situation feeds upon itself where because I am not moving and directing myself to do what is necessary and trust that I am able to take responsibility and “get through it”, the situation becomes worse and worse through my inaction – and the consequences begin to build up a kind of momentum all on its own as time passes and things become more and more “solidified” and “intense” as things have a tendency to do in this physical reality.

I will return to the analogy of driving once again because it very nicely captures the essence of this point. So imagine for a moment that you are driving towards a destination and for a moment you lose concentration and miss a turn you needed to make… or you turn too early and end up in a direction taking you further from where you actually wanted to go.

Here, the practical thing to do is to simply realize that a mistake was made and in the most practical and safest way, correct yourself and get back to the direction you need to be headed in.

But a point that I have seen myself participate in is a point of self-imposed paralysis through fear – where I would go into a reaction towards the mistake, and then I because I entered an energetic and emotional state instead of remaining here in the physical reality, seeing the physical reality and the practical solutions available, I would begin to project more and more from a state of reaction and fear and more and more I would actually make it harder to “snap out of it” and make the necessary corrections… and the longer I remain in such a state, the longer I would have travelled in the wrong direction, and the further away I would be travelling from where I actually want to go.

Now this is fascinating because if I simply continue to remain in such a state… eventually I can even CONvince myself that going in the “wrong direction” is not so bad… maybe this was “meant to be”… I mean, lots of other people seem to go this direction and they don’t seem lost or worried. So maybe I will just go along with this for a while… since I made a mistake already anyway I may as well see where this takes me… and maybe I can just let go entirely of that direction that I decided to go in and just start a new life in whatever strange place I will end up in….
It is silly to imagine somebody doing that – being in a car and driving and making a mistake that gets them into the wrong direction and then being too afraid to face that mistake and to then decide that they will rather just keep going and start some new life completely in the wrong direction – but as silly as it seems this can and does happen quite often in one’s life – perhaps not in the context of driving specifically, but certainly in the context of making decisions, walking commitments, and being in a process of self-change and developing self-authority and self-honesty.

I have definitely tried this route – of saying “maybe it was meant for me to get lost” – and going into a point of “Well, it’s too late now. I messed up. I can’t go back now. Yes time to move on and just keep going as though nothing happened – and I will just make do with whatever comes now even though this is not the direction actually wanted to go in.”

And let me tell you… this idea can sound “logical” in a person’s mind… and it can even sound exciting to “start over” and begin something new – with new challenges and experiences and people – but in my personal experience this has NEVER gone well and generally produces more regret and guilt and consequence.

What I have come to see in reflecting on this, is that when one actually sees in self honesty what is best – and one makes a decision to walk and be what has been seen is best – there really is no “substitute” for that clarity of direction – and invariably one will find oneself circling back to the same point again and again where the only things that seem different are the faces, the places, and perhaps certain relationship dynamics and opportunities – but always one comes back to self and self-honesty – always once we have seen what is actually best and are clear on what direction we are to take, we can only really get lost if we do not stand up and do not correct and face our mistakes.

I call this “taking the long way” – which is neither good or bad and should not be judged as something that is right or wrong – it is simply the process that one faces in walking the decisions and realizations that one has in this lifetime – sometimes one makes mistakes and does not realize it and has to then take the long way and “double back” to get back on track again – and sometimes one makes a mistake and sees it but does not have enough self-trust to take responsibility and direct the situation and will then “wait” for the next opportunity when it seems more stable or safer… and sometimes one will deliberately not admit to a mistake… and will take the long way out of spite as though that was they “right way” all along… but invariably one always comes back to the starting point of the Journey, and in this all of us are on the same Journey – which is the Journey back to Life – the journey out of our minds and out of our reactions and out of our limitations and fears and collective delusions of separation.

So this is not a point to fear or go into further reaction about – it is a point of self-correction and real self-forgiveness to admit to such “mistakes” and correct oneself preferably as soon as possible – because though there are many opportunities for us to change our direction and get back to a starting point that will ensure we get to where we really want to be, we are operating on a limited resource – the “fuel” that is our physical substance, our bodies, our lives, and the time that we have while we are here on earth with this physical world and with each other – this is a non-renewable resource that ought not be squandered on adventures into the unknown out of spite when we have a clear destination that will not come to us, but we must travel to out of our own self-movement.

The practical lesson here, I would say is to get back up and get back on the road and make certain that we are facing the direction we really want to go instead of going away from it due to mistakes or challenges that came up in our journey, and to let go of trying to “catch up” to others we once travelled with because they have continued on – trust that those who really see that destination as clearly as we have, are still heading there just as we are.

We WILL make mistakes and wrong turns because there is no map for the journey to life and the process of birthing ourselves here in the physical but as long as we return to our starting point no matter what, we can never actually be “lost” unless we remain spiteful to ourselves.

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 21 May 2014, 03:23

Day 186 Welcoming the Point of No Return

Recently I have been walking a particular point that has been “heavy” – meaning it has felt like a burden that I have been carrying and layering upon myself, and in the month that has passed I had not posted any writings on this particular issue.

So what’s going on here? Where have I been?

For some time now I have been aware that there are specific points and memories that I must let go of – parts of “me” that I had defined myself as and had put a lot of energy and investment into in terms of how it would make me “feel” and how I would “experience” myself within those points and those memories – how I could always count on them to provide me with a sense of being alive even though they were memories and experiences of negativity, of guilt, of shame , or of regret – which over time become more and more negative and shift into anger, resentment, spitefulness, and blame.

The more I wanted to keep holding on – fearing to let go because this is what I have “known” of myself for so long, the more energy and effort it would take for me to create layer after layer of excuses and justifications to not face the point and walk through it – and the more tired and exhausted I would feel within myself – as though I was drained and was left with a lesser will to keep going and keep living and keep participating in the world – where eventually everything started to feel heavier and more difficult than it had to be.

So why didn’t I push through with self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, and writing it all out? Because I knew that if I was to do that – IT WOULD WORK! The resistance was not that I did not think I could get past it and take responsibility and change. The resistance was that I was FULLY AWARE that I could – because in my process I have proven this for myself time and time again – that effective self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, and taking self-responsibility for a point allows one to really change. I knew that I couldn’t “fake” the self-forgiveness and the realizations once I really opened it up. I knew, as I have seen so many times in my process, that once I saw the point and once I fully stood before it, there is no turning back and there is no more denying my responsibility.
The crux of it was that I did not want to let go of a particular memory and idea because I had placed so much trust and faith into it that for a while I did not see any other “way” to be or live – I did not see any other version of myself or my potential that I wanted to express and become – and when it did not work out the way that I had intended I faced a “collapse” within myself and by extension within my world where I found myself able to continue and survive and do my day to day functions – but what was missing was the “vim” or the motivation that I once had.

When I looked around at my life and living it was as though I was a train travelling on its track but the destination was no longer where I wanted to go – because it was no longer going to be the way I had intended it to be. I had my living situation and my job and the money I had saved… all of it with a certain goal and destination in mind… and a certain living and future planned… but it did not come to pass and now the positivity and the energy I had once used to spur myself on and use as a foundation for my “motivation” to get things done and push myself turned into negativity that remained for quite a long time… which became the “new” fuel and point of motivation for me to keep going – where instead of moving myself within an inspiration and hope and positivity – it rather became a plodding and pulling and carrying on and keeping myself busy and occupied and taking on new projects whenever possible so that I did not have to slow down long enough and face all of the negativity.

The actual fear here was of course facing who I would be if I did not have ANY point of motivation or emotional/feeling stimulation at all – because here even though I knew I was holding on to and allowing myself to be influenced by negativity and not letting go of mistakes and not letting go of the past, it was “at least” something that kept me company so to speak – so that I would not have to actually be alone, in the silence and stillness of myself.

And so in that moment, having “chosen” the company of my negativity instead of pushing through and embracing the silence and stillness and self-direction of me, the “game” was to keep myself busy – constantly moving from sleep to work, to studying for new projects, to taking on extra assignments – anything to keep my “companion” of negativity but not be alone enough to really face it and move through it.

Wow I really don’t want to share all of this right now… so of course the proper solution here would be to push through this as well and share it. Because ultimately what it came down to was the realization that I have had enough. Not from a point of “Ok, I’ve had enough of this and I’m tired of putting up with it!” where there is an energetic charge – but more a point of realizing that there is nothing “right” or “wrong” about how I approached this issue – it was a decision that I made within myself – that I was not “ready” to let go fully and did not give myself the courage then to face it directly and immediately. But now – I have had enough. I have had enough time, and space, and reflection, and have seen enough of the pattern and consequence that it is no longer acceptable to remain longer.

And so, I resume again – more gentle with myself where things tend to be sensitive, and more brutal with myself where things need a swift and righteously placed kick in the rear to shake off the slack. There is a heck of a lot that needs to get done in this world – a heck of a lot to get to understand and share and change. So I welcome myself and invite myself now to the point of no return – understanding that I cannot hide behind ignorance having stepped into and recognized my awareness and responsibility for myself.

I continue with Self-Forgiveness in the blog to follow

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 23 May 2014, 08:46

Day 187 – Point of No Return – Self Forgiveness

Tonight I am continuing from my previous blog post “Day 186 Welcoming the Point of No Return” in which I open up about the pattern of going into “business” and keeping myself overly occupied and taking on more than is practical in my daily living to a point where things were not being done effectively and commitments were not being lived with the utmost of care and focus that I would otherwise be capable of, all as a way to keep myself too “wound up” to SLOW DOWN and really face having to let go of something that I had held on to, and really move on.

But within this I also shared about the “Point of No Return” – which is where one cannot deny any longer that something is no longer acceptable – and to continue further despite the clarity and insight that something has to change would only compromise one’s integrity and self-trust and the longer one allows this, the harder it becomes to really “turn the corner” and really change in a way that can stand because one must first walk through the consequences that have manifested as a result.

Tonight I share self-forgiveness within this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify remaining within an emotional state of “heaviness” for a prolonged period of time that was more than was necessary for me to realistically move myself through a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the heaviness and the experience of things being difficult and “draining” because it gave me an excuse that I used to justify remaining in that state instead of having to really let go of what I was holding on to, which meant that I had to really forgive myself and really take self-responsibility which I resisted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within looking at how to approach this particular situation in my life, compare myself to others and to idealize how others “deal with” their problems, and in a single moment create the idea that others are simply “better” and therefore would not have the same difficulty that I have, and would simply “get through it” – and in this comparison I then justified that simply because I haven’t just “gotten through it”, then my idea about “others” must be true and therefore I am apparently allowed to “wallow in my inferiority”.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted or allowed myself to unconditionally care for myself and to believe that because things became difficult and I did not “rise to the occasion” in a way that would have resulted in a better outcome for all involved, that this must mean I am incapable of it – and within this I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted or allowed myself to consider the following : Which is that being “incapable” is not an infinite and total definition – it is a condition that simply shows that something is not at the current state or condition able to do something – that at the current position or situation or relationship of things, the capability is here and thus is “incapable”, but can be changed by expanding one’s awareness, shifting one’s perspective, and aligning oneself in a way that CREATES the possibility where previously things seemed “impossible”.-

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having taken longer than I self-honestly saw was necessary for me to stop and change using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application immediately and taking the application into living solutions immediately.

Here, I commit myself to STOP beating myself up over what has already been done and what has already been accepted, realizing that regret and further judgment will only prolong this cycle. Instead, I give myself the responsibility and care to unconditionally look at the point of what it was that I was so afraid to let go of – so afraid to face and really take responsibility for – and instead of judging myself for not having the courage in those moments to step up and face the issue, I instead allow myself to see where it is that I believed I was not yet “ready”, and where it is that I believed I did not have the strength to stand within – and from such points of apparent weakness, unconditionally and deliberately now strengthen myself – thus turning my past and my “lost time” into a guiding post. Here, rather than having my regrets and my past be a point of shame and a fuel for isolation serving as a reminder “debt” to which I am bound owing to, I instead see it as a reminder of where I have been and where I require to adjust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am forever “tarnished” by my mistakes and that because I did not live my realizations and insights and did not allow myself to have the courage to break through the resistances that I allowed, that this somehow means I have “missed my chance” forever and that I will never again have the opportunity to walk myself through. This I forgive and allow myself to let go of because I see and realize that in this statement, I am making the world and the universe and the events of my life responsible for whether or not I walk through a point of change – instead of realizing that I am able to, in one moment, bring it all HERE through writing, assessing things practically, and LIVING the change and directing myself within whatever context is now here instead of waiting for some ideal alignment of opportunities, relationships, and resources while at the same time understanding and seeing that the past is done and that there is no benevolent unseen hand directing the fate of existence that will in any way conspire on my behalf to do FOR ME what I am not allowing myself to do for myself.

Thus, I commit myself to slow down, release myself from the “funk” and “heaviness” that I have accumulated in my state of waiting and longing and regretting the past – and begin to really honor and take into consideration all that has transpired and all the various relationship lines and factors that had been present within myself that had contributed to the events that have unfolded – and instead of taking them personally or holding a grudge against myself OR others, I allow myself humility, humbleness, and patience – to firstly stabilize myself again, and from my own stability walk through and take responsibility for my consequences, and allow myself to not only forgive my past, but also grant myself the courage, permission, and responsibility to create my future – and in so doing prove to myself as a gift to myself that I CAN take my life into my own hands and be an example of responsibility starting with my own living and self-creation.

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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 16 Jun 2014, 08:23

Day 188 - Living Principles : Walking Alone, Together Part 1

I begin my series of Destonian Principle blogs with the 11th principle on my initial list of declarations because I see this is the point that is most relevant for me to share, clarify, and specify.

Principle 11: No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

Over the years, no matter how bad things got, no matter how my world seemed to turn “upside down” and “inside out” and things would all seem to come apart, there was one thing that had always remained constant – which was “awareness”.

Here, the awareness that I refer to comes with applying the tools of the Desteni process and living and applying the principles that have been shared over the years through the countless blogs, vlogs, forum discussions, recorded interviews, and the network of support from people all over the world walking their own experience of the same process.

This “awareness” is not just being awake or conscious – it is an awareness that comes from developing in intimacy with oneself, and through this intimacy “Into Me I see”, one begins to realize that there is no “turning back” when one has seen and realized beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are at all times responsible for our thoughts and our experience of ourselves and the effect that our acceptances and allowances has on other lives that we will encounter – and that we are responsible for the consequences of our words, our actions, our emotions and feelings, and even the very “presence” of who we are.

This awareness is absolutely unique to every individual – but in every individual the result is the same. Once you see into the real nitty gritty of yourself and have discovered what self-honesty really means, you can no longer really get away with the old excuses – and the more you try to resist or run away, the more intense your awareness actually gets.

This is one of the greatest gifts I have given myself over the years – the awareness and understanding that I really am here with myself, fully responsible for myself – and having realized and discovered that “myself” is NOT my mind or my thoughts or opinions – it becomes exponentially harder to continue going along with the “old” programming or to get away with the little white lies we have all told ourselves throughout the years that allowed us to remain ignorant of our responsibility to ourselves and to each other.

We are indeed the only ones who can walk through our own individual minds. We are the only ones who can do the “heavy lifting” within ourselves. We are the only ones who can muster up the courage to walk through our inner shadows and dare to forgive the things that we have hidden and suppressed and are ashamed about.

But there is another part of this – a part that I myself need to work on – which is realizing that we really are all in this together, and that those of us who are walking this process are walking it individually, alone, by ourselves, facing the deepest and often ugliest parts of our natures – but this does not mean we are without support, without care, without others whom we can look to for assistance.

Looking back over the years I can say that it would have been in fact IMPOSSIBLE for me to have seen what I have seen or realized what I have realized without the help and assistance of those who are walking the very same process.

I have realized that we are all facing our consequences on this planet together – we are all facing the point of responsibility for who we are, what we have created, and how things got to where and how they are now – we are all here answering the question of who we are and who we now decide to be, and whether or not we can LIVE and make real our realization of responsibility – and in this everyone faces themselves in their own lives with as many different variations of problems, situations, limitations and fears as there are stars in the universe – and HERE is where it is necessary to keep in one’s awareness that it is NOT about comparing oneself to others, or feeling ashamed, or feeling better than others because we seem to have things more ‘under control’ than they do – because each and EVERY life is equal, and though the pains and struggles and difficulties faced by others can only be dealt with by others through their own personal process – we walk this process together, as one, unconditionally until all are equally free –that we can in any moment walk into the life of another and unconditionally trade places with them because THAT is the extent to which we care and regard ourselves and each other.

The process to that kind of freedom can only begin with self, and self is the only one who can free and release and change self – but it is not just for SELF that we walk this process – it is the first step to becoming an example that can stand in this world and say “I am here. I have proven that I walked my process unconditionally, and I am here to show you it can be done and walk with you until we are all free.” – I mean, that would be an amazing world we would be able to live in and share together and I would say it is well worth the initial struggles and dark times – especially when we know that while we walk our process alone and face our struggles alone – we do it together, for ourselves and each other, until it is done.

Ever since I began my process years ago – I have definitely faced long stretches of isolation and frustration and pain and loneliness – but the fact is I was NEVER actually alone. I was NEVER without support. I was NEVER actually “isolated” other than by my own design, when there were things that I required to face “alone” so to speak – support was always available. Even when I felt like a failure and the world was against me and that I had no hope of getting myself through – somebody was always here, walking with, standing with, unconditionally until it is done – and for that I am grateful in ways that words cannot adequately express.

And so I keep walking alone, together, and I commit myself to be and do for others what they have been and done for me so unconditionally over all these years.

There is more on this point to follow. Stay tuned.
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joe kou
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Re: Joe's Journey to Life

Postby joe kou » 29 Jul 2014, 09:27

Day 189 - Coming Out of the Woods Again

Here a brief departure from the scheduled writing on my declaration of principles to take on some immediate “housekeeping” that is most relevant to what I am facing at this moment.

For some light context, many months ago some events occurred in my life that caused me to have to let go of many things that I had projected as “certainties” to be lived in the near future. When faced with the reality of a situation where things that I had planned and things that I had experienced myself as “sacrificing” for in order to “soon” be able to be in a better position, in a better living situation, in a better set of circumstances where I would then be more able to express and expand myself and no longer be “held back” by my immediate circumstances.

One of the consequences was that when things fell through – they REALLY FELL THROUGH – and it took me quite some time to get my footing stable again – which is interesting because it wasn’t like anything was physically or practically “wrong” with me. I was simply walking more in a projected dimension of a potential future that I wanted to create and experience for myself instead of ACTUALLY walking HERE in my actual, physical, day to day, moment to moment, breath by breath physical reality and thus when things in my projected future went *poof* and dissolved into the illusion that it already was – what remained was the consequence of having disregarded my health, my financial future, my relationship with my immediate circle of people, my co-workers, my participation and the quality of my expression with the people that I work with each day – so many things that I simply ignored because I had figured that all of this was temporary – all of this was a momentary uncomfortable patch that I had to “suffer through” because of mistakes I had made before – and that eventually, after I had “suffered enough”, I would be able to get “back on my feet”.

But as we know by now – when you know the starting point, you know how it is going to end – and that what you resist persists.

So in all that time of putting away money and planning and putting up with my world – my job, my unstable relationship with my mother, my tendency toward isolation (not recommended, by the way), my decline in physical health, my constant and daily frustration with work and with really all manners of my life that seemed to be “in the way” of what I really want to be doing – what I was missing was the most OBVIOUS point –which is that all of the things that I was just putting up with and not really directing were just getting worse and worse – and more intense and consequential – and yet I kept waiting and pining for the idea that eventually things will change and things will open up and that I would be “released” from what I have come to experience as the “burden” that had become my life and begin to start living and creating the kind of life that I have been wanting.

In my ego and self-interest I made judgments about all of those things – I judged them to be “lesser concerns” and that I had “greater work to do”. I judged these things as meager and temporary and should simply be cast off as easily and nonchalantly as one would toss out garbage. And boy, was that ever a short sighted decision on my part.

So what I was having a lot of difficulty with for quite some time is the realization that I have indeed been selfish and self-centered in the way that I valued certain things as being more and better than others – and also in the way in which I judged so many things and so many people as being “inferior” – like “I can’t waste my time on them because they will never see, will never understand.” But really, I was isolating myself because the more I waited and pined for things to change and for me to finally have a “break” from the constant stress and anxiety and uncertainty I had been participating in for the past several months, the more I allowed myself to slip more and more… and more into my own backchat and separated myself more and more from my actual participation in my practical reality.

It took a while – and interestingly it took me breaking through bit by bit my tendency toward isolation and “lone wolf-ism” to reach out, open up, and allow myself to ask for support and be vulnerable and TRUST that people don’t judge my as much as I just myself to begin unwinding this bundle of tangles that I had weaved for myself.

So what I have to share in the coming blogs will be what I have actually walked and my continuing process of walking – having gone into quite the extreme polarity of negativity and uselessness and giving in and WAITING – to now beginning to embrace what is here, what I have created, and working WITH where I am with what I’ve got and realizing that – I’m actually NOT as terrible or incompetent as I made myself out to be and that I can actually start to DIRECT the position that I currently have in ways that I never considered before.

In the blogs to follow I will introduce the character/personality of the “Big Bad Wolf” and will also share more on my actual experience of feeling totally lost within the “evil” of my job and the things that I have done in the same of “survival” in the system – and how by sticking through it and walking with it I eventually found a point where I stopped judging it and began to see a much deeper picture of things – and how this has changed my view and perspective on the world system, money, and my relationship to it all - and how I learned within this that the things we most resist, most fear, most want to vilify - are often the very things that hold the key to our actual salvation and freedom.
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