Adam’s Journey into Life

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Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 09 Nov 2016, 15:01

Day 341: Diligence and ‘Great and Small’


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In a moment of realising that what I am seeing with my physical eyes I cannot encompass with my conscious mind – except to make a note that this significance exists for me clearly in itself – like a message for me within it – and so I take the shells of what seems to me to encapsulate this event, and store them as an outline, as a memory – like saying to myself: Ok, later in my life I may be able to see what it is that exists within this, that a deeper part of me has seen, has shown to me, has flagged for me – but seeing and realizing that right now I do not have the tools to be at one with this, therefore I save it, like for sometime later in this life – and right now I keep what I can from this - while what is dear to me, what I cherish – is the fact of this support for me from this deeper part of me – this voice in a way that says to me: Look! Or Listen! See this! Such as the example that I wrote of in 339, a previous post – of a moment of intimacy, sharing with a fly at rest on an undulating leaf of a solitary tree in a wild and stormy landscape – in which the structure in my mind of ‘great and small’ for that moment had ceased to exist, and within the wildness of the wind there existed for me and the fly and the leaf a quiet moment of the Breath and the gentle impact of being Here – where in looking at this memory again arising in me as I look at what Diligence could contain for me, what essences that I could live within the word as part of who I am, I see this aspect of attention to detail in Diligence both as something that I would want for me, and a strengthening of something that already exists within me that I had not seen before – not because I did not have the tools in a way, but because the tools I did have as my words were all on settings that I had just accepted and allowed and had not asked myself who I was that was existing in them.

Gradually I begin to form a new definition for me to exist in living the word Diligence: and I see that gradually I form a structure of a list of redefined components as words as solutions for me to live: Care and Purpose and Work and Patience, with Diligence as both the ‘How’ and the ‘Way’ of the nature of my engagement with the moments that arrive.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 12 Nov 2016, 22:10

Day 342: Cursory Designs: Fears


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How or Where on Earth are we going to start with changing ourselves? Such a great supportive question for me in a moment of looking at how I stand confused within a moment of seeing ‘process’ as outside of me, as this multiple dimensioned complexity, and then here comes along this question/statement which includes the words simply, How and Start, and within those words the practicality of Change.

So today starting here: learning to Embrace myself and staying with me in looking at Who I Am in a moment of Conflict, therefore I look into this conflict moment where I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and entertain a line of backchat programming as the thin end of a wedge in which the Cursory personality design is triggered and then begins to unfold: here as I have seen is the inversion of Care and through that the sabotage of Diligence, as something I can practically live.

Who am I within this moment of abandoning what I am doing, to leave a task unfinished, to allow myself to go into an en-trance of the pattern of Who Cares? And, I don’t Care, and, It doesn’t matter, and to then go into an area of experience in which giving up is somehow glorified as me-time, while the task in hand that is in support of me seems drained of purpose or reward into images of me enslaved, in slavery. It is like there is a moment that comes along while doing a task in which my heart drops out of it, and then after that come up the excuses of Who Cares? And its variations. Excuse: I mean by that a justification for not being here responsible in word and deed in this moment in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that I am responsible for giving permission to my mind to be the bully, to take the role of being the fear inducing one within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that I have made myself comfortable within myself within being bullied by my mind so that I can continue with a sense of righteousness in who I am as blame, and not have to see my responsibility within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the victimhood that I have chosen in relation to the programmes of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the truth about myself that I am responsible for living as an experience of my own judgement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when seeing in my mind an image of myself as enslaved and being obedient to authority, and even to my own authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge obedience to authority as a sign of weakness and inferiority, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself as embodying inferiority and weakness that I have judged within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide these insights into parts of me from me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to insights into me by giving permission to my mind to shift into distraction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as disempowered within distraction.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a fatal energy in which suddenly I accept that there is nothing I can do, that my efforts count for nothing, that what I am doing is futile, that inevitably what I will experience is failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in believing in this fatal energy to have kind of then relaxed into it, and accepted and allowed myself to give to giving up on me a positive experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within this and so to fear to see myself within this positivity in giving up on me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through hiding these parts of me from me, that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see this design of persuasion to not make the effort for me in support me, and then feel ok about returning to the programs of the mind.


There is a fear in this moment of losing myself within being forced into doing something that I do not want to do; that if I was to simply continue with the task at hand that I would somehow lose myself, that any time for me would then be all used up. And this even though what I am doing is for me, is in support of me. It is like who I am within this ‘me’ is the one that is dedicated to play truant from the school of life.

What kind of a world is it that I project with standing in the words: Who Cares? Here I see the underlying statement that exists within the question, that is: No one Cares. A statement of blame. Thin end of the wedge: because ‘Who Cares?’ comes up as with a shrugging off, no matter, it is nothing, as if the choice were trivial, not worth stopping for a moment of serious consideration; when all the time, the decision itself beneath this overlay is actually crucial, like a fork in the road.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 15 Nov 2016, 12:48

Day 343: Discoveries in Diligence 1


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Most immediately, around me discoveries in Diligence have begun with house-keeping – where I have been recently been responding to my immediate environment with immediate direction of details: so that a new experience for me has been in experiencing myself in a directed environment. So that there is a new kind of clarity in me – a clarity in the sense of there being no accumulation process of unfinished or uncompleted moments or jobs – not an absolute – there are various tasks that are not complete – but the balance between that which is done and not done has shifted over.

And I see through this a different perspective in the word Tidy, and Tidiness – where something in tidiness that I did not see before – because seeing tidiness without me, outside of me, I could see no reason for it – as an end in itself, and in that way Tidiness as a required state of things seemed to me rather bizarre and unreal – because in a way I could not connect to it, and did not connect much value to it, and as well I rather liked the accidental happenstance of, for example, my discarded clothes, where for a moment the nature of the material itself crashing to the ground, would dictate its form.

Looking up the word Tidy I see that it apparently derives from Timely – where I see now that in Timeliness I am keeping abreast with things that happen in time – within this I see how in judging Tidiness how I have veiled the meaning of it from myself – so that to me it had become as a separate state of things without direct connection of me within it, not being Timely in directing the consequences of my practical living, seeing jobs that in practicality need to be attended to, and so, completing them, rather than abandoning them in time to be completed later - that who I am in Diligence is abreast with time. Whereas in a way through a Cursory perspective I had been seeing tidiness in separation from me, I had defined it in terms of where things go, how things look, and the imposition of a picture on to things.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 16 Nov 2016, 20:05

Day 344: Discoveries in Diligence 2


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It is both interesting and crucial, how I have made many discoveries in opening up the word Diligence in myself and in my everyday life in the process of walking this word, and yet a list of these experiences of openings and of personal discoveries does not exist as such, while at the same time as I walk this word it is like I have recurring experiences of the word as if opening up or unfolding yet another new dimension of itself that had not previously existed as a part of me.

That I have made the word through the process of redefining it for me available to me for application in so many ways, in everyday moments of conversation, or in self reflections, or reviews of past relationships, or in actually writing this now, that I am aware that there exists in me in many intrinsic ways in who I am with Diligence this new found word, as supportive and present, as included in my experience of myself. And this experience includes both an ongoing release of obstructive energies, and at the same time an expansion of stability within me.

With awareness that wrapped into Diligence exists redefinitions of who I am in Care, and Purpose, in Work, and Patience, which altogether, as I see it so far into this, make for dimensions of Diligence itself, I also have the means to look at when Diligence within the moments of my life, falls or falters, or fades or fails in some way, that I can look at this and ask myself the How of this: Is this a moment in which for example the Cursory personality has popped up with it’s dark-mind versions of Care? Is this a moment in which I have lost touch with my Purpose in this task? Is this a moment in which I have slipped into my old-self definition of Work? Or is this a moment in which I am not remembering that I can live the word Patience, and gift myself with this?



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 18 Nov 2016, 00:32

Day 345: Dark Mind, Dark World


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That aspect of Diligence where through new experience of myself with new perspectives seeing Diligence in looking at my past and reviewing old relationships, I saw how often I had done the same old thing of dusting off my feet of someone or their house and walked away from them, forever. Such a final judgement I had made, where looking at it now I see how walking away had become a part of me from a young age as my stock solution to a problem, where I see now that I had defined myself as always ready to go.

And through Diligence I saw there were these instances scattered through my life of relationships left behind and torn with ragged edges, unfinished, unresolved, seeing people who had come into my life that I had later on abandoned, that I could have stuck with, stood beside, and yet had chosen not to. A perspective of my past that is something new to me, like opening my eyes and seeing these beings far away from me in darkened lands, foundering into consequence that need not perhaps to have been like that, had I been different in myself.

And when I consider who I was within and as the embodiment of the cursory personality, I can understand how Diligence itself was at that time something alien to me: diligence in the form of bearing with myself in the midst of making mistakes, and bad experiences, rather than just simply going away from them, with learning from a situation as a completion in a way, in which it may have been possible for differences to be resolved, and for decisions to be made not in conflict or anger. And yet walking out on someone or from something in myself I had accepted and allowed a pattern in which I did not learn but instead returned into the pattern of following my old way of walking out and embodying that arrogance of the cursory personality in relation to other beings that I had met along the way.

And here in allowing myself to see things differently through redefining diligence and seeing it unfolding new perspectives of myself as well in slowing down within myself and noticing these references to relationships of the past that remain within me unresolved, I see also the points of both regret and guilt within me that I had accepted and allowed as part of me, as consequences in a way that I had accepted that came along with living out this cursory
design, within which what I had learned was how to tolerate and cope with a shadow in my life that accompanied my walking out and leaving things as unresolved.

And so within that what I’d done was to define myself as burdened by these things, as willing in myself to be burdened, I saw myself as burdened, carrying a burden, and I was careless whether or not my body could take the strain. Being as within my mind, I passed the burden on and did not care, while in my mind I found some sign of inner righteousness to support the punishment of myself, or in my willingness to pay the fine for some transgression that enabled me to go on as before, because I could afford it more and more as guilt became more tolerable within me.

But something that I saw within the guilt surrounding the regret of, in this example of walking out on someone in some way and losing contact with them through the years, and then finally altogether, was in my relationship to guilt itself of: Here is a little guilt, that is nothing compared to the greater guilt that I have learned to tolerate as part of my experience of myself, so I can deal with that, I can cope with that, I know that I can overlook it, in my greater current of benevolence in my mind, where my good intentions I have accepted and allowed myself to believe outweigh my actual deeds that remain as physical incidents within my secret past.

And so of course I hardly need to ask myself, as if I do not know, what exactly is the greater guilt that overshadows and makes trivial all the lesser guilts, the greater guilt that in a way justifies them all, that makes me certain in my cursory designs that I can tolerate each and every burden. And just as obviously this is something that I would find so hard to talk about, to open up, and to admit to, and to share with even me, that relationship that I walked out on, having walked out of all relationships to everyone in my teenage life, I rounded up with only me, and then decided in my mind to walk out on this one too.

Imagine: when you curse the entire universe with all your heart, send out a shockwave of blame at all in life and at living itself and then decide to kill your own physical body, and put an end to everything – and then to fail, fail to die, fail to draw attention even – then something that comes back from that can be a guilt as universal, equally as universal as the blame itself, a guilt that darkens one’s life, a guilt that creates a dark world, and a life from which one hides and cowers away from, as if the truth of who one really is is too intense and piercing and too deeply criminal to be exposed, and yet all the time is quietly if unconsciously fully viewed by all.

Something like that would be the main dramatic background of this emotional life – something that I had managed to not notice, to become accustomed to, a life in which I was certain that other guilt experience could easily be managed, and so be tolerated within the greater scheme of things.

Towards taking the charge out of the word Suicide, I realise as I am writing this, that seeing it in the context that I have described – as another instance of me walking out on a relationship – I see that looking at it in this way, that I can look at all the instances when I actually and in fact did do this, walk out on other beings in my life, as well as walk out on my own, and though I do not feel good about these events – I sense an opening for me – where I can remain upon the ground and can forgive myself. And in making self forgiveness possible for me, that I can see it would be a necessary gift for me to go into that experience that I have so far only partially opened up for me which would be to redefine myself into and as self forgiveness as who I am.


Ok: So posting this – and more on this to come…



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 18 Nov 2016, 17:37

Day 346: Self Forgiveness on Guilt


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Self Forgiveness on Guilt, and release of energetic charges that I have accepted and allowed in my relationship to the word Suicide, and further deconstruction of the Cursory Personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a cursory personality design that exists and feeds upon a tolerance to guilt and a platform imperviousness to responsibility in the consequence of guilt, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate a constant diminishment of my own conscience as my awareness of what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative energy charge of guilt to the word Suicide. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself and see myself in the reality that I have stood within and as in absolute self interest within my mind as in making the decision to kill myself, in absolute disregard of care in consideration of the consequence of those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not approach this point of guilt that has accumulated in my mind over decisions that I have made, and that I have not enquired within myself and exposed for me the facts of what it is that I have been living, and so within that given myself the chance of finding a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of guilt through which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress this guilt and live in fear of it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of my own experience rather than instead to take responsibility for all and everything that comes up in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that, in participating in fear of guilt, that I have come to live as one energy in relation to another, rather than accepted and allowing myself to stand up in myself as responsible for the energies that move inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear of guilt, become enslaved by guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed both guilt and fear of guilt to define who I am in any moment within my thoughts and within my decisions and actions in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt within a constant and abiding judgement of myself that I deserve to feel bad always in myself in some way, and that wherever I go and whatever I do that I deserve for the experience to be there with me.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve that my experience of joy in simply living can never now be whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in having attacked life itself within me and blamed existence as a whole, that I have lived in fear of judgement, that within myself that I have believed those expected judgements to be real. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be attacked, or be exposed, or be caught out by life itself or by someone acting for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress my body and specifically my shoulders in the expectation of an attack that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve. Therefore in my self forgiveness I include asking for forgiveness from my body that I have stood for punishment of me to be targeted instead onto my body.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hiding from life, and my own life, where I have made a comfort zone for me within my mind, living in fear or what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be a hostile reality, where in guilt I have accepted and allowed myself to expect retaliation. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am fated, doomed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through processes of suppression that I have instigated in my mind that I have accepted and allowed for for my own guilt experience to become invisible to me.


Continuing next time…



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 20 Nov 2016, 16:45

Day 347: Self-Forgiveness on a Conversation


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Here I share some self-forgiveness statements that I have written out for me in relation to a conversation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realise that a placing guard over my mouth is a as well as being a principle, is a matter of practice in actual real time communication with other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that in not meeting others very often in my present life, how meeting itself has become an unusual event in my life in which I have not practiced corrections of myself in my experience of how I am with others, and ways and methods of being with others in which I have learned to remain with myself and stable in the presence of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear and accept and allow fear to exist within me as who I am in my relationship to conflict, in which rather than embracing who I am in a moment of fear connected to conflict, and so gifting me the space to consider and reflect who I am that I am experiencing inside myself, that I instead project this fear of conflict onto others blaming them for this conflict that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I see the reality of who I am as reacting to fear of conflict inside myself, and that through that judgement of myself have accepted and allowed strategies of projection and blame as seeing this conflict as being the fault of others in my world that they are causing these conflicts to exist inside me, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disempowered within myself in not allowing myself to see that I am responsible for what I am projecting, and within that also that I am responsible for what I am experiencing inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within tolerating fear of conflict with others in my world, that I have justified being nice in honesty equations as a comfort zone for me to exist in and return into when and as the fear of conflict in myself projected looms up in my mind as a possibility that this conflict may or might happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out on others in relationships when there has been conflict present, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others may or might walk out on me if I do not resolve this conflict, not by embracing me in these moments and sharing who I am, but instead going into and as the comfort zone of honesty and niceness within myself, and so in turn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and supported this comfort zone to exist within the minds of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my comfort zone onto the minds of others in my world, and within that never really considered that for other people’s minds their comfort zones may exist in different ways, and that if fear exists within the minds of others that it may have been connected up in different ways to different points to the ways that I have accepted and allowed within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that with accepting and allowing projection and blame to avoid experiencing my own judgement of who I really am in a point of conflict, that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself within and through this blame, and that in this disempowerment of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as stuck within the niceties of honesty relationships, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to me the opportunity to learn to live but have instead accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a programming of who I am, and so within this have accepted and allowed myself to promote this as an example of a way to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in beingness, communication barriers or rifts exist, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that these barriers or rifts are actually projections of my beliefs in my own limitations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own responsibility for my beliefs in my own limitations by projecting these barriers and rifts as things that actually exist onto others, and between myself and others. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the existence of barriers and rifts in others, and so within that, support the beliefs of limitations in the minds of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out of relationships with others, rather than standing with and standing besides and for and in support of others, as within and for myself in my relationship with me, and that through this that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will react to me in the same way: in this point I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value onto concord in relationships as something to be maintained above all other things, in which I have accepted and allowed the niceties of program-speak exchange games as a substitute for real communication, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define communication as such exchange of information rather than in mutual growth and learning and mutual realization and mutual change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and so define a relaxation between two beings as within the context of having a foundation of both beings within and as their comfort zones as a starting point for communications, and so within these comfort zones to be comfortable within their self accepted limitations and defence and protections from their fears. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to question me within this definition of a common ground from which to start communications, and to not see realise and understand that this is not a ground at all. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not return to me in breath and being here comfortable within myself as an example of a way to be, as a way to demonstrate real ground, both for me and in support of me and as well as for another being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as quantities of knowledge and information and derived opinion within accepting and allowing myself to live the words Agree and Disagree as references of where I stand in relation to what it is that we are speaking of. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give negative and positive charges of energy to the words Agree and Disagree. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how within me utilizing these words charged with energy that I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as a comparison of opinions, where I can only be derived from these comparisons as values of my mind in winning and losing and being right or wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences of myself in winning and losing and being right or wrong are real.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 21 Nov 2016, 22:08

Day 348: The Discovery of Honour


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Part of an ongoing process walking the word Diligence


Opening up a point – such as of a personality design – that then becomes revealed and realized as having had a panoramic role in one’s inner world, and yet through living in and as it, had for so long been ignored – such an occurrence really opens up the question of so then to what extent have I ever really seen this world in which I have been living?

Forgiveness of my physical body in the sense of lifting the sentence of blame that I had put upon it, that I had become so accustomed to and so in a way oblivious to, such as with this mind system where I had been shifting the burden of guilt onto the shoulders of my physical body, and into and as an irritation or a sufferance with my body as a whole, and a cursory relationship towards my caring for it - so forgiveness in that sense, along with also forgiveness of myself in creating that relationship – that has been an ongoing act of cruelty in a way, and so in the realization of Enough, Now this has to Stop, I now feel openings within me that were not there before.

Here, in terms of words: Honour and Honouring, take on a new dimension for me, in the sense that honour becomes more tangible, as I actually feel this lifting of the burden, and so in a way through this there is a new definition within Honour, as Expansion, where what I realise, and experience within my body is how in the lifting of a global judgement, or an accepted and allowed dishonouring in a way, a whole new relationship is opening up – no longer confined within the judgement of blame.

So noting here a moment that arrives for me, like a gift in lifting guilt is in how the word Honour shows up as something tangible for me, where something that is clear is how Self Forgiveness has not only been a release of emotional energies but also a release of the energies of thought, and of the structures of some previous definitions, and self limitations.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 24 Nov 2016, 16:30

Day 349: Diligence in Decision Making


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In slowing down, more slowing down, and in Patience, another depth of patience, where there comes a moment in which the energy is not there: who I am within myself within this patience is like a stranger to myself. I am not used to following this path, I am not used to an experience of me in which I do not have the usual references, where my dishonesties toward myself would be almost naturally supplied, such as walking in my well-practiced paths of instant self avoidance.

Staying with my breath I find a quality of slow that I can kind of latch on to that is for me an aspect of Patience. I realise now that that sort of ‘latch’ is like a reference too, and that in becoming more familiar with it I can practice this and so make this accessing of patience a faster process.

With Patience like being a component part of Diligence, and Diligence itself being like a package of supportive words, standing with Care, Purpose, and Work, my practice as it stands is to bring this new diligence through into my life in the small moments, and the potential that I see for me is through practice having instant access to this word, with it’s combined dimensions.

Such as within exploring patience while at the same time embracing who I am in Care, as redefined, so that rather in that habitual moment of instantly deciding for avoidance of myself, that I can with patience give me time to take who I am within myself into consideration, where it is like I am learning to apply diligence to my decision making processes.



Adam Closs
Posts: 453
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 25 Nov 2016, 17:16

Day 350: Unforgivability


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Unforgivability and resistance to Self-Forgiveness and releasing self from guilt.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that unforgivability exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in what I have said and done with defining who I am within this judgement as being unforgivable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the judgements that I have made of me within my mind as being real, and through judging who I am as unforgivable, that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience me as unforgivable, and so have within myself accepted and allowed a darkness in my life that is not necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing unforgivability to be real, that in applying this to me, that I have drawn a line across my life beyond which forgiveness of myself is impossible, and so have disempowered myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through this judgement of myself as unforgivable, to have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of guilt to be as something I deserve. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be serving guilt as a part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me feel better about myself and comfort me in defining who I am as guilt, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in some way good to be punishing myself with bad feelings about what I have said or done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through believing in unforgivability that I have disempowered myself of the ability to make the decision in myself to forgive myself, to release myself from guilt and so instead to learn from what I’ve said or done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to my experience of myself as guilty, and to believe in judgements of myself as good in being the punisher of myself, and so within my mind to be on the side of what is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in righteousness in relation to who I am within accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in judgements of myself as good, in punishing me, as something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist forgiveness of myself in guilt for fearing that I might lose the good that I have believed as me, and defined myself within and as, in being the punisher of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within resisting forgiveness of myself in guilt to be attempting in my mind to validate unforgivability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed unforgivability as a place in which to hide myself, as a place in which to validate my disempowerment of myself, so that I can continue in my comfort zone that I have accepted and allowed myself to make for me in my experience of guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of loss to exist in me in forgiving me for accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt, and so a fear of loss within releasing me from guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my perceived unforgivability and thence the outflow of my experience of guilt, because within and as my own damnation of myself I have created in my mind a fear of my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the ways in which I have validated participating in fear of seeing and realizing my responsibility, through protecting who I am remaining in a comfort zone of guilt within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within and as being judgement of myself, in damning me, condemning me, as being with and as religious programming within my mind that I have accepted and absorbed as being real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this an absolute superiority within myself in relation to that part of me that I see within my mind as having crossed the line that I have made into and as unforgivability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in believing unforgivability as something that exists, to also believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, and within that to be standing as and for conditionality in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, to validate my own resistances to forgiving me in guilt, and so within that making decisions in my life in which I decide for not forgiving me, but brushing it aside, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this will be useless and will not work.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in spite towards myself in judging me for making an attempt to do something that is not possible, to stand beside belittling myself as being foolish to be considering releasing me from guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand the nature of who I am within resistance to forgiveness of myself in guilt.

I commit myself to learn to be aware of me within the moment of making a decision in my life, to with diligence slow me down and expand the moments of decision in my day, to give me space to be considering what it is that I am making a decision for: to really take a look at - and see - who I am accepting and allowing myself to be within this moment of decision, and where I am accepting and allowing a decision that I know is within the intentions of self interest and energy reward, that I know will lead to consequence, and that I realise that I have trained myself to cope with in my comfort zone of guilt, rather than taking a different new direction of myself within my life.

I commit myself to redefine myself within who I am and how I see myself within making mistakes, that instead of automatically leaping to judgements of myself, and that in making a mistake I can see that in support of me that I can learn from this, and that yes I can see flaws in me in what I have done and said, and so in the consequence of what I have become from this, and that yes I am in fact guilty in the sense that I am responsible for what has happened, but I can learn from this mistake, and not allow myself to chastise myself in this with the energy and emotional construct of this guilt.




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