Adam’s Journey into Life

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Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 12 Dec 2016, 15:57

Day 361: Potentialities of Challenge


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Experiencing for myself a quality of Receptivity in Challenge, as in being open to the possibilities of Challenge as being shared, as well as being open to ideas of How-To, there is like a new space, a new potential for me in the word Challenge: seeing in how lifting from the word the definitions and experiences of me as disempowered, and isolated, there is also the possibility of the word Challenge to become as an empowering word.

Such as in the very redefinition of words: it is self-empowering, in having the tools for example, with which to approach a problem and through that to approach a solution. And with words themselves: realizing how a word has been as a problem in some way, not being supportive but instead limiting or compromising, and yet having the tools with which to make adjustments is empowering: embracing the problems of a word, and understanding them, and so having the power to lift the veils within them, and so to see solutions, and to redirect and change.

But not only that, but to find a new way in which here for me to bring this word Challenge deliberately into and as a part of my life, in respect of Challenge, the word, and in respect of me as living it. I mean, I do not want just for Challenge to only not be a problem for me anymore, because I see how in that I would be in a way limiting the potentiality of Challenge itself, and so me within that: what I want is to pay respect to what I see in Challenge as being Magnificent, and in respect of me in that perception of it, to not give up on me in my perceptions, but find the means to practically live this.

And saying this, I have to breathe, and not allow myself to let the word Magnificent be overpowering, with all of it’s heavenly paraphernalia, and within that to not let Extraordinary become Supernatural, but as in having Magnificence remain within the simple Earthly facts of growth and change and breaking out of programs, as for example the magnificence I see within an individual standing up and speaking from the heart of what is real.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 13 Dec 2016, 16:17

Day 362: All in Change - Dimension of Challenge


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Some self forgiveness seems so massive that I know that I must remind myself continually and commit myself to somehow find a way to live it, deepen it: like in the realization that one cannot just simply forgive oneself for everything, and that is that, because of simply the reality of the specific nature of all the layers and instances and living moments of me in ‘I am’ misalignments that all together go into and accumulate and contribute into that experience of everything.

And yet in having a relationship with my body and making changes to that there is a realization of that who I am as being inclusive of the physical extension of me as being into the physical realm of my body that there is a forgiveness that I must learn to live that is a kind of an ‘everything’ forgiveness, in which I learn the all of me is one together as the all of me, and that is what I learn to move as one in the realization of the separation that exists in my relationship ‘to’ my body, rather than my relationship with and as my body as including me, as all of me.

There is a specific relationship here that is one of spite towards my body which is gathered up physically into for example a point of pain in the muscle group as a knot on my right shoulder blade, and releasing this I have found is possible as a work of all of me as all of me, while in my mind, this same point that I forgive is that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a relationship of spite as recognizing the unconditional nature of support that is this part of me as my body, and then abusing that; seeing some advantage of a positioning of me as mind as of a master to a faithful servant that I have seen myself as being free to secretly abuse, this unconditional part of me, that in my relationship of me as fear connected to responsibility, that I have throughout my life made ways and means and channels for the spite and blame to be directed into the physical parts of me, that absorbent and receptive nature of this physical realm of unconditional support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout the years allow this relationship of spite towards myself to become within my own terms naturalized, within which I have accepted and allowed my ‘terms’ to be suppressed within me. I forgive myself that I have in my life accepted and allowed myself to participate intensively as blame of my body for not being there for me, for not being able to carry out the demands of who I am as tyranny within who I am within and as my mind, within which I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my body for not being there for me as an extension of my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me as who I am within this spite to have exist within me this underwritten statement of therefore, I shall walk alone, secretly in spite of the unconditional support of this part of me as the physical that I must therefore hold as separate from me, to validate this spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Challenge according to my self interests, and through the nature of these self interests, and that I have accepted and allowed for Challenge to define me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my life according to avoiding Challenge, and for not allowing myself to see that in avoiding challenge that I have accepted and allowed myself to have avoided testing out myself, to have avoided testing out my steps of learning, to have avoided establishing in me through testing me a trust in who I am as capable of change.

I commit myself to walk this All in Change as Challenge with remaining present with me as All of me, where Challenges arrive for me in support of me such as Challenges to drop my old-self patterns and relationships within me, and within that to recognize that Challenges such as this are Challenges that all must walk as what is present here, the challenge to Humanity to change, as both All and individual as All in self alone.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 14 Dec 2016, 12:59

Day 363: Challenge, Exploration, Further, and Nearer


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As with the word glimpse, containing in a way that first sighting of a thing, the raw material of it, like the presence of the sea, suddenly revealed, direct, before interpretation processes begin to close it down, and moderate the intensity, and measure out significance, where what was for a moment simply open gradually shuts down and is replaced with simulations; that is how reality is dulled and systemized with processed and preprocessed words.

So many of the words that I have functioned with are words I have not lived, or really even noticed that I have not lived, or realised what I’ve done, that I have willingly dispensed with their Vitality, accepting them according to a world that is only in the corridors of mind, and is a world in which I have not asked myself who I am within it, because within such words conditioned as they are with my experience, there is no place for such a question to exist.

And so like as with the revelation of the glimpse, so also with the word Magnificence; existing in some way for me in pulling off the veils of my reluctance and looking for the first time into a word, and into this word, Challenge. I feel so grateful that during this life here on Earth, that I have lived such moments, that I have not always slept within the words, being channeled through the systems that I myself have accepted and allowed to be installed within them.

So for me here as I gradually redefine myself in Challenge, what I see reflected in the word is an opportunity of Life, an opportunity of movement, an opportunity to test the ground, an opportunity to test the grounding in myself. And specifically in the process of redefining words so as to live them, bringing Challenge back into and as a part of me from all those far-flung worlds of Exploration and Discovery that my childhood me projected in Adventure games.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 16 Dec 2016, 15:13

Day 364: Ok: I’m Awake, get Used to it…


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Living a word – not in the long term context of: as for the rest of my life, or forever, or in a way that I would then require a process or total renovation job – but simply in this context of who I am in this moment of me in this my life – seeing that in this activity that I am in, that I am beginning to slip into thought participations and back-chats, inner dialogues, that are contributing into and as a general mood, that will inevitably seem to justify a decision to postpone what I am doing…

So in this moment – a simple word to live right here and now – in which I can experience myself, and pay attention to how my body is responding to it; which word, this morning, Stretch! This vibrant, sort of entering-the-world, irresistible physical word; saying it out aloud and letting the sound resonate throughout my body came as a momentary solution bridge for me as I began to loll back into sleepiness and temptations to return back to and into sleep.

There is a recognition here of a commitment to myself, that if it were a campaign, I would call it, Ok: I am awake, get Used to it! And through this, seeing face on the denial of this plain fact to be like written into the opening lines and fables of the lullabies and inductions of the mind… Stretch! Like open me, lengthen me, occupy myself, invigorate, breathe, reach, and so then, pull the blankets off, dispel that cozy comfort zone, Ok I’m awake, I admit it all! Ha, Ha! And then, what?

This is where the programming comes back to settle down again with thoughts around this ‘Then What’ question, suggesting that if I do not have an immediate answer for this, then what’s the point, surely some more sleep will do no harm, there still is time to roll back into bed and find a different way to start again, maybe in an hour or two…

And so it’s Stretch, and in Stretch, that I am here, Awake, and in being Awake that I see how I have been listening to this voice that is telling me who and how I am, and that I am attempting to convince myself that this is me, and then shifting into thoughts in which I gradually arrive into a wanting to be persuaded in this invitation, there being this negative region of emptiness ahead… and yet I cannot get around it, I cannot avoid the fact that really I am Awake here, and I utilize this Stretch to support me in myself within admitting this to me, within admitting to myself that in fact I have been awake for quite some time…

So, kind of using Stretch to support myself in deliberately stabilizing me within this responsibility of being Awake. That ‘I direct myself’ within this being Awake, is in a way a normality that I need to redefine, that of course, it’s always been that way, but for through the dreamy night that I have returned myself to a platform of normality being as that mostly who I am is as directed by the mind, and from the perspective of that platform, that directing me is an exception.

Deliberately changing of that platform is an ongoing work, where gradually I gather strength within myself and within strengthening my self honesty that I come to admitting into me that yes I cannot any longer be denying this fact that I am awake, and today, that I focus on my sandals that I have placed beside the bed, that recently I have given to my sandals a place to be, which has also been a new support for me, that I have instigated within and as living Diligence in my life.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 19 Dec 2016, 02:20

Day 365: Fear of Change and Challenge



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Seeing how I am still defining something that I see as really difficult, or even impossible, right now, as a Challenge, I see how I have defined Challenge within this difficulty or obstruction that I am seeing: where, ok interpreting this difficulty as a Challenge opens it up in the way that I am facing it as something that I’m going to work with/on/at, and yet I realise that this aspect of Challenge itself is not something that I have looked at: that it does involve some difficulty, and practically this may be so, but it also does involve some limitation that I have put on me, that I have included in some way into a self definition, that in reacting to a boundary that I have set within me, I do not see the simple testing process, the opportunity to test the grounding in myself, that exists in Challenge, but what I have been looking at instead has been like some rigid aspect of my definition of me: such as Who I am is that I can’t do this, or that, and within that, changing who I am towards this difficulty involves a fear of losing part of me, where what I do not want to be aware of is that this difficulty that I see is exactly this that is confronting me, this fear of changing who I am in how I have defined myself to be, towards this thing, and not seeing this, I am looking round this fear and seeing the difficulty as something that exists outside of me, a form of blame in a way.

The example of this, out of which I am writing, is in seeing some insurmountable difficulty in writing what is happening: facing apparently a wall, in which I am participating in a fear of not having any access to myself, and fear of being in that experience of being stuck, and victim to that wall, and so being in an experience of disempowerment.

And within that, being tempted to avoid this wall, this belief of not having access to myself, to walk away and maybe come back later, from a different angle maybe, or in some story to myself, when magically a door had reappeared. Like, in a way, that later on, I might get lucky with my mind, and then going into that as form of comfort, walking into a world in which I had completely forgotten about my own responsibility throughout myself, and so also in definitions of myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself within ‘I can’t do that’ and ‘I can’t get access’ and within that fear of who I am within and as these limitations. Where in relation to Challenge, I am seeing the challenge as something that exists in this focus on this apparent difficulty in the light of blame, rather than seeing the Challenge as a part of me, that the Challenge itself is existing really in a challenge in myself to let go of these definitions of myself as limited by the mind, as not responsible for this experience of myself as disempowered, as subject to a condition of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of disempowerment, and within that fear, to not allow myself to see that what I am in fact protecting is a definition of myself within ‘I can’t do that’ and so experiencing myself as this limitation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the limitations that I have accepted and allowed as who I am onto tasks and ventures and investigations that are here for me, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to see difficulties that apparently block my way, rather than seeing and realizing and understanding that I am the way that with my definitions of myself that I am blocking. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am in fact the door that I believe I cannot open, that in seeing a wall that is outside of my awareness that I can simply ask myself who am I within myself in seeing it thus, what is it in myself that makes it seem like this, and how can I change myself towards this difficulty that I see, how much of this difficulty has a starting point in who I am towards it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of ‘I can’t do this’ to exist within me, and that through fear of rediscovering for myself the apparent reality of this, that I have accepted and allowed this backchat to have a deciding influence on me and over me, in which I do not question it, in which in a way that I am saying that I know everything about my being and about my limitations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the thought that ‘I can’t get access’ where I have accepted and allowed memories to come up inside me of instances of being locked out, of being without a key, and that I have accepted and allowed such memories to come up in me and then somehow validate this relationship of me towards myself.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 20 Dec 2016, 19:19

Day 366: BREADTH


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In support of who I am waking up, and being Awake, some words for me to live. BREADTH: Here a word that comes with Stretch, where in Stretch, my extended arms reach into and through that Breadth of me, through that physical sensations of the muscles, and opening a deeper breath. Within this the word Breadth is both intimate within me and also through the out stretch of my arms an expression of the breadth of all I can embrace: also at the same time a gesture of the broad horizons.

Thus in Stretch, and then in Breadth, a letting go of the constrictions that have accumulated in me, and in sounding it, a relaxation of the chest, an adjustment into deeper levels in my breath as me. Who am I within Constriction?

For the arms to Stretch, the shoulders brace like anchors, and those anchors radiate in all directions from the shoulder blade so as for the arm limbs to reach out. Who am I within the anchorage of this extension of my arms? This is where I see how a pattern or this Cursory personality configuration could eventually affect the muscle tones of specific anchors, where they may have been constantly restricted and in charge. So here in Breadth and reaching out, I realise how I have been also in a way working on a tension in my shoulder.

Breadth: that opens out the linear dimension, accommodating substance: I spread my toes; there is delight in my toes, those intricate muscles of my balance, a delight within those rooting gestures in my toes’ expression. The sandals that in walking Diligence, I gave a place to, out of gratitude and appreciation, and which with diligence as who I am, by placing these in a place for them beside my bed, I had both closed the moment of the active day, and at the same time laid out the beginnings of another. So in Stretch and Breadth, I reach my toes into the sandals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give cursory placings to the things around me, through which I have expressed myself as negligence, within a spiteful lack of care for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me a spitefulness towards my life where I have in moments exalted in that split of being as superior to life as in being not good enough for me, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to rise above myself and live this spite as Cursory placings for the things around me, cursory, in cursory valuations of the moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as an objection to myself, or as in being offended in some way by me expressed within the ways that I neglect myself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is me that I am sabotaging within this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as real this definition of being as not good enough. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within this point, and to live that judgement out, as sourced from that belief. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a belief to become an anchor of my physical behaviour. I forgive myself within and as this starting point.
In my commitment to live Diligence I continue to meet different facets of the Cursory, and so I continue to release these facets. Such as: within the muscle tones of my shoulder anchorage, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a constant restriction and charging to exist. And so I release these muscles within the total extension of reaching out, and bringing Breadth into my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a resentment of myself expressed in cursory placings for the things around me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed enactments of the Cursory as a resentment of the mind toward the physical.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how what I was expressing in this was a life of blame, and a blame of life: it was my abdication from responsibility for what was happening in the starting point of who I am in relation to my life.

Within and as this starting point I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a cursory personality in acts of dismissal of the value in a moment of my life. So therefore in respect of my support for me in which I have given to my sandals a place to be, in a way I have placed Diligence into the new beginning of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up into a new day, but to wake up instead into a cursory programming.



continuing



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 21 Dec 2016, 17:40

Day 367: The Are You For Real Challenge


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The Are You For Real Challenge.


Looking further into the content of the word Cursory, seeing how through the word Care, there still remain within me movements that can undermine the grounding of my living Diligence for me in support of me in how I live this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me still a remnant of a mutated form of Care that I have defined in my own self interest, as something that I did not get for me, from a perspective that it was my right to get it, and seeing it in this way, as if it were a right of nurture, and in not receiving care for me in the way I had defined it, that therefore it was also my right to be personally offended, that creating a stance of blame for this perceived neglect was therefore valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a starting point for myself within this point of blame, in which I have deliberately thrown away my access to my self direction, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my self responsibility.

I forgive myself that as a child I accepted and allowed sentences to form within my mind in which I spoke to projections of my parents saying, Ok, You don’t care for me, therefore I will not care for myself, so there! This is who I am as the consequence of your actions; I will stand as a reminder of your neglect! When you look at me you will see your crime, and you will always feel guilty for it! That is my curse!

Oops, I am pushing the boat here with these dramatics, and yet though amplified, these were some of the currents that existed for real within my mind. These were relationships to myself and to others that existed in my definition of Care, and therefore formed a part of how I lived and experienced myself within this word.

From a starting point such as this it was but a step away from substantiating the words of the withering poet - Farewell, Cruel World! - With, in saying such a thing, an apparent wealth of unlimited access to indulgences of self-pity and regret. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such a stance to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a positive value into self pity, through which what I experienced was a constant validation of this blame, and my own design of validation of self neglect. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this personality as a fable such as becoming as a noble vagrant on the roads of life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to substantiate the word Care in such a way that I had written into it a blueprint for my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition into me a program for a life without responsibility for who I am within and as the life of me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as a decree that I will never in this life really in fact know who I am for real, but instead will function as the outplay of a reaction to the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody this Cursory personality design and that within and as this stance that I have accepted and allowed fear of responsibility as a fear of loss of this validation of myself in blame and in self neglect. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the validation that I have defined for me in this stance of blame. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself in participating in this fear, to see that if this is something I might really lose, then it is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see in in a perception of being not cared for, that therefore in myself I had no value. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to out of this perception create a validation for myself that existed in who I am as blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe as a reality about myself that I am essentially not good enough, because otherwise I would have had this care. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define care within my life as conditional on my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality that stands on a judgement of myself in relation to this perception of myself in having no value, that I have designed for me a value of a kind in being superior to this part of me that has no value in itself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this part of me away that I have judged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might be exposed of me within the Challenge of: Are you for real? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear such questions, and to project such questions onto those around me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself for real within seeing such designs of acceptance and allowance as who I am.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? In seeing within the fabrications and the programming in which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, an experience of guilt as being exposed within my crimes. I forgive myself within this that what I fear in this experience is the guilt that I have wished on others in my projections of them where I have validated me as standing for the righteousness of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? :In seeing exposed within myself the realities of me within and as not being real, but within a stance of protecting something that is false within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? :And in being challenged thus to really look at me and within that see a Challenge to Embrace myself in seeing myself in constructs of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this personality design to judge myself when a memory comes up of me in programmed interaction with the world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through acting as this judgement have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these moments. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody such a personality within and as a part of me, that functions with a timeline fractured by redactions and restricted access, and yet is not aware of that, but somehow breathes the air of a cursory world that is only in the mind, a world in which reality has been edited by the cursory programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Cursory within my acts of self suppression, the memories and moments in which I see myself for real within and as the programming, in the sense of how I really am and who I really am within those moments. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in Fear in seeing myself for real, and I see that I must let go of this judgement that is placed in here, a judgement anchored into the core of a belief that who I am is not good enough to be exposed, that this essential part of me should be in some way, laid to rest, not dwelt on, not considered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in life moments within and as a Cursory Design to have projected on the world a post-apocalyptic scenario, in which in some way - way back there – there was a moment in which I believed that I had lost everything, and had somehow become possessed within this thought, and become a victim within and as it. I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own validation of myself that is here into the hands of my projected world where I have seen there comes a moment in which I see and realise that it’s not real, but rather than turning to myself to check this out, I have instead gone into an imagination of myself as existing in a world in which my validation has fallen and is lost. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that what I had lost was an illusion.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look into and see myself within existing as that world, to fear the experience within that of who I am and how I am within it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the impact of my judgement if I were to look at me and simply see me. Within all of this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me by defining me according to the limitations of ‘not good enough’ in which I have made of existence as who I am as a comparison of the mind, existing in dimensions of competition and winning and loss, and failure.


I commit myself to continue to deconstruct this personality and release myself from these Cursory systems, so as to redefine myself in Care for real being in consideration for what is best for me and best for all as me in the moments of my life, and within that care that I can look upon myself in and as living self forgiveness, that I can see a memory and instead of judging me, I embrace myself in seeing what I am doing, and in seeing this, not be any longer as disempowered but instead to change me in it.




continuing...



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 03 Jan 2017, 21:39

Day 368: WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE


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In the zone between the fake news and the news of a fake reality there is an alarm, the definition of who we are in our formation of the word World is stressed, we do not want to see the evidence, or let the questions fall naturally where they may, there is a need to hold away a wider reality, there is dissonance…


… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE


What lays at the core of this Endeavor at the same time is also at the very edge that we have come to comprehend and see an outline of, in seeing how we can realign the very words that we have lived to the principles of life, and so ourselves within and as those words as Redefined, where what we choose to live within those words correspond to Life, while what we have chosen to dismantle are the definitions of self within the words that we have accepted and allowed in accordance with energy systems and beliefs. And so we turn to life within the very components of ourselves as the words we live.

With the dawning of a new relationship to word, there comes a point when the very language itself will have to change its paths and contours: the Word is here in itself. Language: makes way for Communication.


… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE

What is there to be unfolded as we move in a direction never taken before? In me there comes up an example of a moment when some words are spoken, or written, and I take those words and then later, there is a moment of discovery as I unfold these words within me: it is like I experience myself within and as them. Sometimes it seems as if a fog had cleared, the obfuscations of conflicts contained in certain words, that needed to be first looked at or be faced, or released: there had been a process through those points, and now the words had come up again, cleared of haze, cleared of feeling, cleared of memory, and then, discovery, as a standing up within the unfolding of myself within the unfolding of the word.

That was a point where you could say that the communication process had completed a moment. Sometimes it takes a lot of slowing down for me to be able really to read a simple sentence, or to hear finally what someone said to me, and may be even repeated over and over many times before. It is like I’ve found an angle of me within this word through which I can step into it: and towards it too, embrace it, there was something that I had not seen before about this word, these words together, that enabled me to move, to look around, in a way, release myself from the restraints of the matrix, I mean the matrix of myself as channeled into mind, release myself within those bonds and equations that I had accepted and allowed and adhered to for so long.


… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE


We saw that the words we lived had lost connection to physical reality; that designs within them had taken emotional precedence, and so kept the focus on the mind projections – rather than on and in the physical reality. Seeing that functioning through an ongoing experience of words is not life, it is a form of sleep, there is no self direction, there is no time to spend a life with the words any more, as incidental, while unseen they remain in themselves our physical technology with which to deliberately redefine the settings of ourselves in consideration of the principles of life, so of our vocabulary of ourselves that we have never lived, and so without limit, the articulation of life itself.





How will it unfold? What is this unfolding as a self unfolding, or as, let it unfold, and be unfolded, there is a sense of a letting go for the unfolding to happen: it was a line of stress that held it folded. When something unfolds, a whole new dimension is revealed, or that moment of discovery within opening a communication, unwrapping it, the unfolding in it.



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 11 Jan 2017, 17:33

Day 369: The Unmade Bed


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Looking at one of those out of the corner of your eye things: leaving the room, the eyes drag slightly over a view of the unmade bed, seeing that turmoil of sheets, I stop for a moment to take it in: have I really ever looked at this before?

Considering at the same time that this is where on Earth I slept so many times, disengaged beneath these crumpled sheets, where my body has left a profile, and in looking at the bed and seeing myself within it, how I’d made that profile, and looking at who I was within that, it was at first perception an affair of horror, fear and dread, and yet what was rising up beneath these emotional perspectives was something slower: an acknowledgement, or letting in, of something real which was my responsibility within a decision I had made, and it was the realization of the profundity of a mistake that had seemed to justify a flouting of life, to remain as asleep within the suspensions of my mind.

It was the emotional experience attached to Mistake that first had jolted me, and yet stepping back from this I could also see that these reactions were peripheral to the realization of the mistake, were the play outs of past relationships to the word Mistake, and so what I was seeing here plainly was an image of me hiding from the broad day of physical reality, and hidden within that from that realization itself, from that perspective, from that conception.

Seeing this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from me my responsibility for ignorance, my responsibility for blame of and separation of me from the ongoing physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Mistake to define me, to define my relationship with myself, to define the experience of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing myself in an act of willful ignorance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become victimized within this act of denial. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the victim. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to a perception of the ongoing reality of the physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a belief that I can devalue all of life for the sake of continuation of an experience of myself within my mind as various harmonies of sleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within these layers of suspension to be prepared within myself as a programming of who I’ll be today in relation to the day.


I straightened up the bed, I pulled the sheet taught, I shook out the imprint of the night before. What do I take with me: that I have attended to this moment, that this perception of my sleeping self as part of and in view of this physical reality that I am standing in, changed the nature of that corner of the eye moment from in a way habitually witnessing my suppression of who I’d been in hiding from myself as a part of a habitual leaving of the sleeping room process, to quickly pass through that door and pay no attention to that moment, that moment of as-is of the fabric of the sheets, of my body wrapped in such a way, of the as-is nature of the consciousness within that, and within that, being, sunk within as-is-ness of the system – I changed it to a moment of seeing: So ok what is here that is left in the corner of my eye, as I commence with something else?



Adam Closs
Posts: 444
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

Postby Adam Closs » 19 Feb 2017, 18:24

Day 370: The Emotional Detective


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Waking up in the morning with the awareness of my intention to look first at the starting point of this day, what word would best express or be underlying, or defining, my presence here, as a simple checking of the status of the current programming - and finding that over and over it was as if I had no access to such a word ¬– and in the experience of having no clue – a realization - and it took me some time to get to it - that what I was waking up into was a subtle emotional state, and that within and as the world of which, I could not see it. It’s like in being as a blue mind, I am seeing a blue world, and everywhere I look there is no such word as ‘blue’ within the detail of it – how could there be? To what could it refer?

That question, within regards to realizations of being within and as - in place of ‘blue’ - an ‘emotional mind’ - where I am looking into the depths and reaches of the world and find there what – reflections of this mind, projections of this personality, layered on the surfaces of everyone and everything. And in a way, there is no new information, because all I see confirms my everyday normality – seeing only how I see things, which is in itself not a ‘seeing’, but is instead an experiencing, in which what I see instead are the facets of my experience as states of energy.

In support of my realization of this, and strengthening to me, there was a moment when this veil was down, and for a moment what I saw were some physical human beings in a physical existence, without the bells and whistles of ‘humanity’, without the story of the history of it all, that gives it shape, without the garments of emotion, without the integrated visions and experience of my reactions and projections, without the energetic jazz, kind of naked in a neutral way, that I am for a moment in a neutral state. And something that came up in me was like a deep sadness, that everything had been simply geared to not see this, that I am responsible within all this to have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself so long, with the bells and whistles jazz, to have allowed the multiplicity of that veil to be so fascinating, to be so binding. That sadness has a value to me; it is a sadness that is directly touching intimately my real life here: in understanding for a moment how I’d fooled myself, I’d found some grounding here, like here was a moment where I could say I got an inkling of what it was to be on Earth.

So the question comes: How did I create this emotional programming that I have woken up into and as? What is going on that I see now had become pre-established in my waking moments? And what I see is that I have been investigating a specific word and my relationships to this word where I have in a way over-focussed it, and become totally involved in it; such a priority that I have given it, such importance, so vital that I must resolve it, and resolve it Now, before I go any further! And ‘Stop the World’, stop everything, I have to look into this, and thoroughly, and effectively, where I can see now both excitement and apprehension come up together as if ‘at last’ I’d found the dark treasure at the source of me.

Something that I’ve noticed here is how I have allowed the word Investigation to become charged up – where I have become the emotional detective, getting hooked into a mission, prepared to go down all the rabbit-holes, to leave no stone unturned – all of these – where instead I might have simply stayed with real investigation: becoming neither excited nor anxious, but walking placid simple steps of understanding.

What I had become in the midst of this ongoing rush of investigation of extremes of excitement and of anxiety, not having come to point of change, was like a sense of being up against a wall, or being cornered, a place of seeing clearly that Enough is Enough, and yet at the same time not having the strength to carry through from there – and the residual state of this within me, in waking to another day of this investigation, as pointed out by the Atlanteans, was a state of desperation – desperation as an energy, as an emotion.

Even without seeing this consciously, what I had observed within myself was that a state of quietness had come over me, and looking at this, I had trusted me within the decision to walk this quietness deliberately: it was as if I was aware within myself deep down that I would need this quietness platform to investigate a construct that I had become aware of – but here for this post - are some of the surrounding circumstances to the issue of ‘points coming up’ and new dimensions showing themselves.




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