Gian's Journey to Life

Place your Blogs Here
User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 582 - That Block when you havent Blogged in a while - Response to MatterFreemans Blog post

Postby Gian » 01 Jul 2016, 00:32

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... avent.html

Please read Matti Freeman's blog of which this blog is a response here - http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/06/da ... avent.html

Thank you Matti for this Blog, as I have had this Block for a while as well, and I know many others have this block as well, just no one ever pushes to unblock themselves, and I can see this for myself as myself.

Those that want to blog can not, those that has the time to blog simply does not - this is the world working in reverse, as those that has already taken their space and time within this reality to be active and live, to walk the talk, does not have the time to blog consistently, those that requires blogging to unblock themselves are not doing so because of the very point they need to walk to become active, to take responsibility, to become self-honest within themselves.

I haven't blogged in a while, even though I stand by very specific principles that I live and implement daily, the very reason I have this blog, and no other reason is for myself, to rebirth myself, to change myself, this blog is for ME as all life, yet there is no activity, there is no movement. perhaps every now and then. this raises question to reasons towards and of myself, no other. Perhaps because I saw it as ONLY being for me, I could simply toss it aside like it meant nothing, thus I never included all LIFE s me and making that me stance within writing, me as my journey as LIFE.

After reading Matti's Blog, I saw a few things, I wasn't blogging because I was being Lazy, or because I wasn't busy, I was in fact very busy - so busy with so many things that blogging didn't come up during my days very much. I would see others blog and I would read their blogs and I would share their blogs, but not all, and still share them within principle of spreading the message, the support and assistance.

So - what is the BLOCK as Matti described within his blog regarding blogging?

The block that I have found within myself isn't just one block point, there are many, my mind has made so many fears as reasons to why I am not blogging, or reasons as justification, my mind had made so much out of it that blogging is simply not an options, so how did this come to this?

See, the point of this Blogging within the 7 year Journey to Life is very specific, it is a BLOG that is public, or some set it to private depending on their work but yet allow others to see it, like being invited, see EVERYONE can blog, even if these blogs are just posted on the Desteni forums etc, there is always a way, there is No excuse. where these blogs can be under a different name even if public - as the point is UNIVERSAL process, as each person with Desteni walk their journey, their journey is very very specific, and this is within the understanding that there are 7 Billion people in this world that walk similar journeys, and thus through sharing and walking these journeys in public, others can find support and assistance within this current system we are all fucked within and move the world within support and assistance much faster through the beautiful thing called the internet, besides our daily living and activities in ONLY our current environments, which is extremely limited in comparison - I mean, how did I get to where I am? through the internet. and everyone else I now know with Desteni? through the internet.

Thus living the principle of oneness and equality for all - through sharing, giving, supporting, assistance, reaching out to the world through our personal Journeys - this is a pretty awesome way, as our process/journeys being shared over the internet in support and assistance can prevent a lof of harm, to self and even others. Because we write our Blogs within principle, with the tools we have been using and implementing of self forgiveness, problem and solution, giving corrective statements to apply.

imagine a person is going through a mind possession and wants to stab someone, but instead finds a blog on the internet of someone else that walked the same point, and through this the person does not do this but instead take self responsibility, or at least reach out for support and assistance. the blog isn't limited to its possible reach, it isn't limited to ONLY the people a person knows within their current environment, it is actually considering everyone writing a blog.

So How did I lose first of all Myself and this simple point of living and walking blogging within principle of whats Best for all life? how did I come up with SOO many reasons and excuses and justification to NOT blog? how did I make and create such a "valid" limitation to blogging within my reality that it has become impossible and even accepted as a valid reason for all others that walk with me this journey? why has my brothers not been my keepers? have I deceived and manipulated myself so much that even they fell for it? the reason and excuse?

I have taken the time tonight to check myself to find the most Valid reasons for me to not do blogging in any way what so ever online, with considering my life and time/space, and there is none but only fears and excuses and seeking self-interest - I am the BLOCK in me blogging for the sake of self interest. does not matter if I was a rich man that had to protect my image and keep my blogging a secret from everyone I know, If I was seriously self honest and am, I would have and WILL find a way to stand as the point of walking my journey, sharing my journey and reaching others with my journey to move along this process we as Humanity is all walking to either create heaven on earth or to destroy t, and I know and see, that me not writing unconditionally and to FIND a way to keep writing no matter what my physical reality as survival is demanding of me to NOT do, because I am passionate about what I do and will even start an underground blogging society to make sure earth and life on earth is getting the support and assistance on how to live corrections, take self-responsibility, develop self-honesty and to live whats best for all life as that is exactly what ISN'T here on earth, so why would I stop blogging and Block myself? did my personal survival become independent from the survival of earth? and moving the earth process as each and every individual that is ME, then self-interest has surely conned me to make up my actions as beautiful pictures and ideas to justify my actions of why I am "focusing" now more on just my life and self-development, Blogging within principle is independent from that, a person WILL find a way to do so regardless. there are ways, and I found that I simply didn't care to find that way - this is because self-interest has got self interested in something else than LIFE.

I am grateful for Matti's Blog, it really gave me the moment to really check the points within myself. and I am finding scary shit of how the mind works and has worked me - such a simple point of blogging, taken for granted, of almost 100 7 YEARS Journey to Life Blogs that started out, but only about 20 remain active. I commit myself to check myself everyday on this point with Brutal self-honesty.

To be continued with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 583 - We tend to forget when things are “Happy”

Postby Gian » 11 Jul 2016, 23:10

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... hings.html

Happiness is a disease, it brings ease to us in a world of pain, where we can experience a sense of gain, as if life is moving forward, BUT only for ourselves, yet in this world where the basis of every beings existence is that of suffering, there cannot be any gain, it is only creating Loss, a loss of life, a loss to never be gained back, when an animal goes extinct, that is it, when an innocent child dies of starvation or extreme abuse, that LIFE is lost – no one is gaining, happiness is a disease that people are attempting to affect others with as a feeling, feeling blessed, feeling lucky, feeling like things are getting better. The matter of fact is that what matters as the physical that is designed in oneness where nothing is in fact separate, and thus implies that as long as YOU are happy you are in fact the most negative message on earth as you can be happy while suffering is taking place continuously, your happiness is deceiving others from seeing what is truly here, your happiness is pulling a cloth over the eyes of those that DO have the power (which is MONEY) to do anything about this reality, where your Happiness is LYING to others that they can do what you do, be happy and forget, be happy and join MY happiness, this is better, when the most positive message we can really give each other is reality, the truth of what is HERE within the understanding of oneness as a whole, so that we can POSITIVELY take action to bring about a world of true happiness where all life is Equal and taken care of equally, but this frightens people, to have to face the reality of what is here.

Take a look at yourself – see how others “happiness” that they deceive with in pictures effect you, you suddenly want it for yourself, yet you know, to have that happiness you must FORGET about the truth of Yourself and this world, you must indulge in ignorance and Blissfulness, you must put on a mask and play a character that seemingly has a GOOD life – happiness isn’t achievable within how the world exist currently, it is impossible, stop seeking happiness, there really is NO happiness till there is equality for all, till all life can truly express themselves fully without any FEAR, without any NEED threatened. When you see a happy couple, a happy person within their wok, within their family, within their Friend circles, within their lives – then you must know, that is but a moment, a moment in a picture, not the reality, not the truth, that s hidden, that is never revealed, that is how happiness can always ONLY be a picture within this current reality, when you take a picture of a moment of “happiness” what do you find? You had to possessed by a character, you had to be full of energy to really force that happiness out, to really suppress ALL and everything you know to be the truth, and see how easily it is to forget in a sudden moment just to experience yourself as happy, it is so easy because the world is so Damn negative, but we do not dare taking on that negativity as ourselves and not to mention this world.

So – when you heck yourself, remind yourself why you are HERE, do not forget and fall for the quick very very small moment of happiness that will present itself as a solution for NOW just not to experience yourself as useless and not able to do anything, facing and dealing with yourself is the first point of empowerment, and only through being real about that Truth of what is here as You can we start facing the truth of what is here as the world, and it isn’t pretty, it is scary, it is evil beyond what we can conceive, we have blinded ourselves for so long we can virtually even say to ourselves that things are looking better. It isn’t, stop denying the reality of what is HERE, only once we all stand up and as Individuals stand as a group within the SAME principles that is FOR and AS LIFE, can we actually start seeing change through taking on this world.

There is support for TRUE happiness – Detseni I Process is that support, Eqafe is that Support, the Detseni Forums is that support. Desteni is the most positive message in this world, it is Equality – and actually understanding it.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Pokémon Go – Gotta Catch Em ALL - Day 584

Postby Gian » 12 Jul 2016, 14:47

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... y-584.html

Let’s give Pokémon Go a GO – let’s get Pokemon Go to the people who live in poverty, perhaps then they do not have to focus on starving, while all the rich are not focusing on ending the starvation but rather focusing on catching something that does not exist.

Let’s Give Pokemon Go a Go – lets focus on the imaginary catching of imaginary animals while the earths real animals are going extinct, the actual animals that needs our attention, let’s go with the EGO of Pokemon GO, let us all GO to a different reality rather, because grouping together and feeling connected is much better when it is focused on something that isn’t real, it has always been this way, just now we can have fake images giving us a reason to really escape this world.

Take a look – only the ELITE can have Pokémon GO – you need a nice phone, you need internet, you need streets and cities, you need other people that are on you “level” – Pokémon go is how the elite has always only focussed on themselves and caring for themselves and their own entertainment, only now it is much more “real” – now the elite can make a positive “experience” out of grouping together, look Pokémon go brings people together, look Pokémon Go is connecting people that has never been connected before, it is such a positive thing, so we MUST do it.

Imagine, wait don’t use your imagination, Pokémon GO is the example of how Imagination takes over reality, how imagination can literally diminish that which is real and to rather focus on what’s NOT real and give that ALL your effort and time, because it is so much more fucking convenient, it is with people that you know is Elite just like you, because you know everyone you are meeting up with needs to have money, a okay life, shit taken care of to be able to indulge in a imaginary world and to even give soo much time to it that the comfort is there that your life will still be okay even if you give so much time to fake reality.

Meanwhile – have you ever seen a game that promotes REALITY – where people rather group together to build houses for the homeless, where people rather gather around to clean up rivers, where people rather gather in massive amounts to rather plant food for the poor, where people rather gather around to help the environment, Imagine a Game for a moment that actually MATTERS and that isn’t all about distraction and to only delude the human race more and more into a fucked up imaginary world where NOTHING of reality is considered anymore – Imagine 12 Thousand people gathering and connecting to bring about world change instead of catching a “big Nothing” that only exists on your phone as a picture BUT rather to CARE for the earth, to care for LIFE, instead of spending HOURS a day on a Imaginary game in real world, we COULD be doing the same to come together in real life to actually spend HOURS fixing this planet.

But you see, that’s not entertaining, that’s not convenient, that’s not stimulating enough to give your TIME too, people say they are so fucking busy and stressed out and life sucks, yet this proves that there is time, there is more than enough time for people to change this world, but the fact is Priorities, and peoples priorities are NOT with taking care of their one and ONLY beautiful Planet with the Amazing animals that is already here and the people that is here – no an Imaginary world with Imaginary animals and LIFE is more important. People will rather gather and come together for that.
So, let’s give Pokemon GO a Go and forget about our actual Mother earth, and continue saying Fuck you to Her and abuse her till she dies, perhaps then we will come together in the same way, but then it will be too late, by far, we are have probably already reached that point for earth.

Humans simply do NOT care. Thank you Pokémon GO for exposing this and helping the human further to see their dishonesty and that there is NO integrity within the Human – we are exactly equal and one with what’s here on earth and we will NEVER be able to now say, we were Innocent and didn’t know, and we didn’t have the time, we can now never claim innocence as the human race is being exposed now. Enjoy your imaginary world and the end of your real world. Or maybe not, perhaps we still have a chance, maybe, let’s see who can be self-honest and have some common sense.

Investigate Detseni – the Game of LIFE awaits you, if you Dare, group with the right people within the right starting point of LIFE and Equality, and see if you can stand the same way as you are willing to do for a fucking Game. But instead of LIFE, to end Abuse and suffering, to actually make this world a place where we can have a GREAT experience for all and do NOT have to escape to a different imaginary world.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Temptation, I can't resist - Day 585

Postby Gian » 18 Jul 2016, 23:27

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... y-585.html

Thou shall not lead me into temptation is something that I have been looking at within my life. This temptation point is something that we all must consider in our lives in a MUCH deeper dimension.
Most of us think of temptation as something sinful, like I am led into temptation by another women and then I have sex with her and cheated on my partner – or I am at a party and my friend are using drugs and so I am led into temptation and I also took some drugs.

YET – we are missing the biggest picture of where temptation actually fucks us all over on a daily basis, and this temptation isn’t coming from someone else influencing us, anything that can temp us is a inherent temptation and thus we must deal with it, but how we are LIVING temptation on a daily basis is something hidden in plain sight. Let me explain.

Who you are is a Temptation within all its dimensions – are your LIFE or are you SYSTEM, system is what is HERE currently, that which we see all the time, the advertisements on billboards or TV or on the Radio is the Small temptations compared to the LIVING temptation as what we do that stems from who we are. the real temptation is US and our personal living that is shined onto the world.

a small example:

So Coca Cola advertises a Soda, it is tempting you, it is there on a board, you see it, you might even just see it indirectly, but it looks so good, the colors on the board, the words that create a good feeling, a positive feeling, It might say something like, Thirst quenching in the Summer with Friends and a person is holding up a coke bottle in his hands and drinking it while somehow smiling – you now MAKE the decision to sometime during your day, or even in a week to go and buy a coke, you Buy this coke and you now have it in your hands, you as a Person, a human being that is the reflection of all other humans beings as example regardless of what you think or believe of yourself, you are a Model in every breathe, you walk with this coke, you have identified yourself as a coke drinker, you walk with Pride with this coke in the streets, or at your home you have this coke in your fridge where your friends see this coke, or family, and to you it is all “normal” – but one thing isn’t considered, this is YOU leading everyone else into temptation that YOU have a personal responsibility to that lives with you, that sees you, that identifies with you, so you are now a person leading other into temptation – Because people are weak minded (it is evident all around us), their minds are not their own, they are influenced JUST like how you were/are and ME, and so the cycle of temptation keep on going in circles. And this is what keeps the system alive, moving, going, people buying and becoming tempted all the time by everything, especially if you see your fellow "responsible" humans doing it, is by “referral” and what I simply call temptation.

Take another example – when someone shares a video on a social network that is of Kittens, you are tempted, you must click on it, then you feel you must share it, so now you are deliberately tempting everyone else to also spend their time on this video, you are a cause in the chain of what people start seeing and believing as being important, worth it, spending time on, doing. It seems innocent. But isn’t that were the greatest evil can take its cover? Unnoticed, blanketed in something that seem to not have any effect on life? The small things, the detail – there is literally a saying that says, the devil is in the detail.

Once we see and realize that we are Temples of temptation that advertise our religions of ourselves and thus tempting others to live and do the same, we can really start considering everything we do and checking ourselves. This is not to judge a point, this is not to be positive or negative about what is here in this world, it is to become aware of when we do something, what are the consequential outflows of our actions that we are not considering at all, how are we Tempting and LEADING others into temptation, yes we all must be self-responsible, but then we must start living that and rather lead others into the temptation of becoming self-responsible, not keep doing what we have always done and justify our actions with, but they are responsible for themselves, we are NOT yet self-responsible, not to mention even responsible human beings, we are pre-programmed humans, copies that simply do what we see, and specifically what we have been programmed to do as children, of which we have NO memory or idea what is there inside of us.

For example, those that do follow my blogs and what I write, see how you have created already an Image, idea, placed me as a temptation within your mind towards a certain point in life, a representation in your own life ( I know this because I know I do the same), now let’s say I stop everything I am doing right now as standing up for life, walking openly my process with Desteni as a Destonian, exposing myself and what I do and walk, Standing for Equality for all life, common sense, practicality, self-forgiveness, what temptation would that create within everyone that has known me for years, that has read my blogs, seen my vlogs, my hangouts, what I share and stand for?
That everyone else can do the same, perhaps not now immediately with me, but in a year or two, those that stand with will be like, well Gian did it, so why not me. This example goes for those that “know” me. But you can take this to your own life and see it for yourself. I use this extreme example to show, that it happens all the time, we are led into temptation and we are LEADING others into temptation through every single action, word, thing we do in this world all the time, is it best for all life or NOT, OR is it mind based habits, patterns that direct us as our thoughts and feelings and emotions that is done within absolute dishonor towards LIFE and of inequality and only self-indulgence, which is in short ignorance and thus tempting EVERYONE else to do the same.
Take a look at the word temptation and the implications it has in a literal sense on your direct and indirect reality, and we will see the cause of our problems much more. In everything you DO. Lets rather TEMPT the world to be that which is best for all life, for equality, for real change, and this must start with ourselves, we can tempt those around us to want to JOIN equality, self forgiveness, to want to remove brainwashing and mind-control, to become CO-Creators of life and to rebirth ourselves as LIFE. till we are all FREE and temptation can not effect anyone as we all will stand as Creators, equals, full self-responsibility in awareness of LIFE.

and just to clarify, this is about taking it BACK to SELF, not to BLAME anything or anyone, that's actually tempting others to then do the same and so no one ever stands up and we all just blame and become lame.

Drinking
Smoking
Drugs
Candy
Partying
buying plastic bags
supporting big corporations instead of local Markets/people
indulging in entertainment
Playing games a Lot
watching TV a lot
sitting and doing nothing a lot
gambling
only focusing on personal relationships
mind on sex all the time
stress about survival
nagging
complaining
throwing rubbish out the car window
neglecting pets
indulging in pets
painting
building
activism
being stupid
joking all the time
writing blogs on world problems and solutions
making vlogs on world problems and solutions
what you share on social networks
where you like things all over the internet,
where you spend most of your time
the cloths you wear
how you wear your cloths
the face you pull mostly
the words you speak
the behaviors you have
the patterns you live daily

I can write down everything in existence here, literally, the question must always be, is it best for all LIFE, is it practical, is it self-honest (to develop self-honesty one must apply a LOT of self-forgiveness on all points) can your LIFE style be lived by every single human being on earth and what will the outcome of earth be then?

Thou Shall not lead me into temptation = the MIND shall not lead me into temptation to LIVE out the mind and self-interest as the mind is MY tool and not ME, I will stand and BE the directive principle and the Authority of ME, thus I WILL myself to be AWARE of me and what is HERE within all dimensions to stand as the solution one and equal to the problem that is here, and live it in each breathe.

Investigate desteni.org - free yourself from all temptations through taking self-responsibility as a co-creator of life.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

21 Days Self Forgiveness Challenge Day 1 (day 586) - Money

Postby Gian » 23 Jul 2016, 23:14

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... e-day.html

I am going to do a 21 Day self-forgiveness challenge, where I write a Blog every single day specifically with self-forgiveness. I encourage you to Join me on this 21 Days, I will be taking on all the Main topics and who I am currently within these Topics, this is Money, sex, relationships, work and so on.

Take Note, I do this Self Forgiveness not just on points of what is HERE but also what I have walked or from way back in the past. Yet everything remains relevant.

Day 1 – Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE money power over who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money as good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money is the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people and their relationship towards money, with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I like money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I want money.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is the reasons for why I want or desire money that matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying I want money and lots of it to change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being direct with working with money within my purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as BAD for wanting money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as bad for wanting money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build morality around money as if it defines who I am, yet I must define money around who I am, and as long as I stand for life, as that which is best for all life, then money can never define me, but only aid in my purpose to being about equality on earth for ALL life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR the system and how the system will view me as the people if I am openly saying I need Billions to change this world and I need to people to do so, and I thus need to money to make shit move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the system has programmed me to Fear making money openly, and having lots of it openly for the right reasons, as the system wants to keep it secret, where only those that makes Billions can do so in secret and get away with greed and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that if I have a lot of money that the system will judge me, seeing and realizing that it is only me judging me based on my believes that I have created towards money and those that have it, seeing and realizing that I am not judging money, I am judging what others with LOTS of money has done with that money and it has never been what is best for all life, and so I have confused money with Evil and missed the point of who is making the money do what it is doing, the human, and thus I see and realize this is how the system scares people away from money, so that only the evil remains in control of the money pot, and not those that actually care about LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have denied myself the facts of who I am with money and when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted MONEY as something that is PERSONAL between a person and themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money a touchy subject in LIFE with myself and with other people’s money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEE the money people have and what I have as MINE or THEIRS and thus it is very personal to talk about, in fact something to avoid, something to help others keep secret, and this only comes from my secret relationship that I have created with money and know that I cannot speak openly about MY money matters and thus must “respect” other people’s money matters as well, in other words, other people’s secrets., thus only respecting money control, money enslavement, secret mind shit, dishonesty, evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will make enemies when and as I speak and talk about other people’s money or question them about their money, as I see and realize that this is only my fear and how I will react to others if they had to question my money spending, and what I do with my money, while I claim a GOOD soul, that I am a good person, yet my bank account will only show that I care about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE my money reasoning within me as a secret, how much money I truly have, how I actually spend my money, where my money actually goes, as I know my relationship towards money is deceptive and dishonest and will never be able to stand in front of LIFE and say, this is how I spend my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take QUICKLY advantage of the money that I do have while I have it, knowing Billions does not have the money, and to indulge in MY own life, and to only quickly, just for now enjoy my money, to fuck around with the money I have, as the system knows, every man is only in it for himself, and that’s why money can never be used or directed to change a better world, because no one will be able to give up his secret ways of how he is spending money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice as long as I have money YET I can never make the choice of spending my money to bring about a world that is best for all life, that I will only care about my own self-interest, my own personal life and improvement, yet my money must only remain with me, it is mine, yet claim I am not greedy, that those other people are greedy, yet I am living like a little roach, in secret collecting my own shit to stock up my own life, equally the same, and Place blame and judgement to those that do the same but only with MORE and bigger amounts of money, thus still blaming the money instead of seeing that the nature within me that I accept and allow is within all, and thus I cannot cast a stone, as I am equally as guilty as any other man/women that I say is evil, that I say is greedy, because our natures are the same and as long as I accept and allow this nature within me, then I in their shoes would do exactly the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE away from my responsibility towards LIFE behind money, in fear of having to GIVEUP my money to support life, to support what is best for all life, and to within this only give as little as possible to make myself feel good, through charities, through NPO’s and through all the ways the system is giving false outlets to make one feel good to where change is happening, yet nothing is changing as the giving isn’t real, it is feeling based, and nothing will change, because as self is the direct reflection of not wanting to actually change and give up all your money to bring about a world that is best for all life, so why would charities of NPO’s change the world? They are only as good and strong and genuine as I/you are, and that’s currently really weak, because weakness is supporting weakness and thus supporting each others abuse, as long as YOU/I can feel good and the charities and NPO’s religions, name them all are making you feel good, then well, mission accomplished. Because it is always minimal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money power over LIFE, over my beingness, over my Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by money, the picture of money, the numbers that resemble money and to be consumed by the energy within me created through that stimulation in that moment of seeing money, where this energy takes over any awareness point within me and my life starts revolving around money, what I can do with the money, how I will spend the money, how my life suddenly have a relieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to money, where if I receive my pay check – that moment is the same as me receiving a needle in my arm, where I feel good for a moment, even though I had to sell my body and soul all month to receive this money, and to in that moment of being high forget everything, where I will now gladly move again within the same routine for the next month just to receive that cash injection, that security, and as I go along with the month and I spend my money out of fear of not having money, besides on basic needs, just so that I can feel I had money, I could spend money, even if it means having that one take away meal, and as the money run dry during the month, I go into a total polarity, where anxiety and fears are once again revealed, as if I am withdrawing from the high and going into the low, working harder, and wishing the month will end now just so that I can get that high again, that cash injection and so repeat, seeing and realizing that I am an addict to money, I am a slave to money as long as I continue this mind relationship within energy towards money. Instead of doing the same, but not for the pay-check living, but instead directing each month as practical as I can and to not go into the junky mode and spend my money of what I know can bring change, or create it as what’s best for all LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind to this relationship that I have created towards money within myself, where I am actually a junky, a capitalist junky that enjoys an unequal system, even though it is abusive to me and towards everyone else.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this relationship of a junky that I have created towards and with money is exactly how the system has designed the money system, as the system was designed by US/HUMANS and that we as humans know that we actually have no clue who we are and thus we can give into energy and enjoy the ride of a junky, as long as it gives us a “purpose” and meaning in this life, running from pay check to pay check, getting high for a while, does not matter how long it lasts, a homeless man receiving even a few coins a month and barely feeding himself is still, equally trapped by this money junky system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME money for the relationship I have created and accepted and allowed towards and with it, and to within this Blame become lame, and so I play innocent as if I am trapped in this fear, this survival, this point of struggling, yet it is my addiction to money that is the real problem, the money going in and out, and how my relationship changes as my survival is challenged every single time, yet doing nothing to change this system, as the junky is addicted and only cares for the injections and to survive as long as possible to have this high till death.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that it is my relationship that I have towards money that is my problem and not money in itself, and as soon as I change the relationship I have towards money, can I actually start working with money properly, as money must have NO control over me, no matter how the mind wants to rationalize it, no matter how the minds want to induce fear for me to fall a slave to an energy system of enslavement, I must stand and I must breathe and I must move and direct myself with money always as what is best for all life and NOT just for myself, or I am simply supporting my addiction, and we know how clever an addict is to keep on having his high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the fact that my life is in controlled by and through money and how much money I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money for how I am experiencing myself as, and within survival within this world, and that my life is constantly threatened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate money and the money system when I do not have money, when there is a lack of money and to only want to change the world and want a different world when I do not have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love money when I have money, when I can do what I want to do, and to forget about the world and everyone else when I have money and to completely forget about all my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a love/hate relationship within and towards this world system of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by money through having a love/hate relationship towards money and the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have developed a polarity based relationship towards money within myself, where I fear for money and indulge within money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a secret mind relationship with and towards money within myself, where I feel in control and powerful when and as I do have money, but as soon as the money runs out, I feel powerless and weak and like everything is out of control, unpredictable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have directly created who I am as my relationship with myself with money, where who I am changes as money in my reality changes, depending on how much or little I have.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 2 of 21, CHOICE – Day 587 - Choice

Postby Gian » 24 Jul 2016, 21:55

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... hoice.html

Choice = pre-programmed, even Neo proved he could not stop his pre-programming.

A side note – as I was doing this self-forgiveness, my body went into a irritation within sitting down, within looking at these points, as if I just wanted to stand up and stop writing, this is interesting as to show the amount of control this system design has already within me as who I am as the physical, where even my body is having a resistance to doing this, my lower back, way at the bottom, was getting tense and irritated, my arms felt like they just wanted to speed up the typing to get it done with – I supported myself to slow down and to focus on my breathing and to write no matter what, facing the point of choice once again, the choice apparently is HERE, I could just stop and not write and ignore the point, but what does that imply then? What are the consequences? Being a slave, a puppet, driven by choice and not actual direct movement, as my choices are programmed based on my personality which is programmed based on my childhood of which I have No clue about, which comes from my parents, family, society, culture, name it all, so is my choice really my choice, does choice actually exist? Why do I give this choice so much power over me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to all my choices, and thus fear that if I change my choice to live what is best for all life and thus have NO choice but living and standing as LIFE, that I will not exist, yes I see and realize that I as the matrix slave as a personality will cease to exist and that I as LIFE will be born to life what is best for all life, to stand one and equal as all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to religiously participate within all MY choices, seeing and realizing that all my choices are in fact a religious movement, where I am making the choices I am making to praise myself, to keep the religion of Myself alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the choices I make come from a programmed personality that has been crafted by society, culture, TV and so much more, and that I have religiously praised this personality by living the “choices” that enforces this enslavement to a system that only support consumerism and money, where my choices are that of the system always, et NEVER choosing LIFE, and so all my choices are in fact abuse, not only to LIFE, but first and foremost to myself as I have completely sold my soul for the sake of having choice and to express that choice as ME and that I will even kill and defend such choices that protect the religion of myself as MY ego/personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that everything I am currently living as MY choice that makes up ME, is in fact a chain that I am creating and maintaining within WHO I AM to the system, to keep me enslaved and dependent on the system, as the systems wants that, as I will then always hold onto some part of the system and defend it, as the system then implies the survival of ME, my religion, my personality, and thus cannot ever really give up the system and stand for life, as here will always be something that serves my self-interest, may it be what I wear, eat, drink, party, entertain myself with, it is the web of enslavement inter twined within me directly to the system, feeding each other as the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ONLY make choices that make me feel good, even if they end up bad, already proving that choice isn’t really choice but based on a pre=programmed feeling/emotion that I have NO clue where or how it came to be, yet I follow it, and call It MY choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am always only making choices that has something to do with me, then it proves Choice does not exist, if choice did exist then why would it always only be about me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within choice and to trap myself within choice and to feel that it is impossible to change my choice, once again proving that choice does not exist as it is something I feel I cannot stop, not do and thus it is programmed and thus not real choice but me following brainwashing and mind control.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I am avoiding choices that are best for all life, just because it will change how I personally experience myself within my design of only caring for myself, then choice does not exist and isn’t real, as my choice is then limited only to me and my interest, and thus abusive and pre-programmed in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that as long as MY choices are ONLY effecting me in my environment then It is still okay and I do not need to investigate them or take responsibility for them, or stopping them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that PORN is a MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Alcohol is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masturbating to porn is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that drinking coffee is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being lazy is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Postponing to do things is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to believe that this world that exist for all of us is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my biological physical design as my body is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that eating sweets is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within how I spend my Money as being MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how long I will live can be my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that where I live and how poor or rich I am was/is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking drugs is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I walk is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I sit is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how intelligent or how strong or weak my body is, was my choice, my physical design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the type of sweets I eat is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the food I like is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call friends were/are my choice, yet I had no choice due to where I was born, what school I went to and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call family was/is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have and HAD any choice at all in this life regarding what is HERE, and yet I life within full self-deception and manipulating that who I am is my choice, yet I cannot say where and why everything is the way it is, I just accept and allow and so believe this way everything will be okay, instead of challenging the systems and to stand up for LIFE, to create myself in fact as MY own Authority, where I can explain and write down in specificity who I am and Why as I created myself and know who I am in fact. To remove all bondage from the Matrix, and to set myself free from all enslavement points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sold the idea that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the BELIEVE that Choice exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an OPINION about “choice” and why I have this choice and why I am living and participating in living this choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard reality and what exist within my reality and this world through living in the illusion of choice, where me and this reality is neglected as my choice is always within self-interest and not what is real, practical and best for all.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit my choices as being harmful in fact, not just to me but to those around me and so within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant to ALL my choices within believing MY choices are not harming anyone else, seeing and realizing that if every person on earth right now has the same reasoning skills as me, then we are in big shit, because if my choices were actually harmless and innocent and not effecting others and everyone else in the world says the same, then why do we not have heaven on earth, but in fact an abused and destructed earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all my choices as being harmless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living within the justification of all my choices are harmless.

I forgive myself that I haven’t considered how dis-empowering my “choices are actually as long as they are not what is best for all live, as all my choices accumulate within the physical as who I am, and thus as long as all my choices aren’t within the principle of best for all life, I can never stand up or as LIFE as Authority, as I never accumulated that, but only self-interest, deception and abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is with harmless justifications of choices that the most harmful justifications of choices are used as well, from a personal level to a global level, and as long as I accept and allow choice within me and justifying my choices, I will always easily accept and allow others choices even if it is abuse to a degree where LIFE itself is in danger, as I know, that the excuses and justification I use in the small innocent moment is the exact same as what governments and those in Authority positions use and so I am guilty just as they and therefore cannot stand up and bring change, because what if I am questioned, what is I am in questioning, I am not clean, I cannot cast a stone, and thus I see and realize I must stop in fact my choices and life what is best for all life, to build my authority so that I may stand as authority to end abuse in my life and within the world/global scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the illusion that “choice” brings me within this reality just so that I can avoid reality and what really needs to be done and get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this CHOICE that I have been living and participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without choice and to actually have the freedom within me to do what needs to be done, to be satisfied with myself, to have respect for myself, to honor myself, instead of giving into choice and to always postpone or put if off or change direction or to simply NOT do what’s required to be done in Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my behaviors where I practice “choice” and to see if it is actually choice I am participating in and why I am making the choices I make, are they choices within self-interest and to avoid making the choices that is best for all life, that is actually a real choice where I have NO choice, as the choice that is best for all life always leaves me o move, to act, to direct, and to not postpone and give up and give in to experiences, but to breathe and stabilize myself and move, be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear giving up choice, in the fear that I will give up myself, seeing and realizing that I will be giving up myself as my limited version that only cares for ME and MY life and MY choices, which is always fear based, which is also always ONLY based within he matrix, within the system of enslavement.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Choice is a created Product within consumerism where I actually only have choice within how I am spending my money, how I am going to experience myself for a moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that CHOICE as it exist now isn’t actually choice, where choice comes with the implication of freedom, and as long as I am living in a system that abuses live, where people are slaves to money, there is actually NO choice, as I can only be free if everyone is free, and choice can only exist if LIFE is free and money isn’t a deciding factor in my life within any dimension of anything I want to do, and even so, when I am free and everyone else is free and choice can be free, there is still no such things as Choice, as my choices will and must always be in considerate of ALL life, and thus the only real and actual choice I can ever make is to be what is best for all life and freedom will be me living this choice in fact in each breathe.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Love, Sex and Relationships, Day 3 of 21 – Day 588

Postby Gian » 25 Jul 2016, 22:37

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... of-21.html

Note: The following self-forgiveness are from points I have walked, and still walking. Yet all are relevant, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question where the design of relationships come from and why I have accepted and allowed these ideas as normal and never questioned the actual physical feedback within this reality and what the current way of relationships has produces within this world as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question myself and the way I approached relationships with other people, especially to create a shared relationship as a partnership with another and who I am within it and from where within myself I am approaching it and where that approach comes from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question the design of the Desire for relationships I have within me towards women and why it is so specific, where does these specific desires come from, how did I just accept and allow them and follow them like a zombie.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question why my specific Likes and Dislikes are just seemingly here within me what I like or dislike within girls, as if I was born with it, yet how can that be possible, does that mean that before birth where I had NO form no sexuality I have already had these dislikes or likes? This makes no sense and thus is nonsense, thus I see and realize that what I like and dislike is in fact NOT me but the proof of pre-programming and that I am simply an organic robot, unless I stop and breathe and actually live without judgment and direct and be responsible as a creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question my sexual urges and wants, and why they can be so specific, yet I was born without any of them, thus where do they come from, why do I make them real, why do they influence me, why does my sexual urges and desires have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed sexual Desire and urges as Normal, even when common sense proves that it cannot be normal it cannot be WHO I AM, as who I am existed before and maybe after death, and thus these sexual desires and urges cannot be mine as they are limited and bound to the form of the physical, and thus also programmed into the physical through the mind as the system as the media, family, culture, religion, society besides the physicals basic expression for erections and sexuality.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make sexuality anything more than the physical design of the biology of my male body and to abuse the body through participating in the mind as images, pictures, imagination, fantasizing about others/anything and fitting my sexuality into that and giving that power as desires and urges and thus compromising myself and LIFE, as I am now contaminated by impurities as judgements and giving that energetic experiences and power of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question anything within common sense through utilizing the physical as my reference but instead attempting to use the mind as knowledge and information to keep the illusions real and to keep myself BOUND to enslavement through the mind as energy, as attempting to be MORE than the physical which is without judgement and simply simple, direct and pure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Desire a relationship as something to fulfill me, to make me feel valuable, to give me a purpose in this life, where I want and desire a relationship to distract me from who I am, where the other person is filling and making up everything I feel I lack or am “bad” in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a relationship from the starting point of separation where the point of seeking a relationship is to find someone that will make me FEEL better about who I am and not challenge me to actually in fact change, to accept me as me without question, and where I can then share my life with this other person without being challenged and continue to be who I know I am that isn’t best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the IDEA of relationships were something that my parents, society and culture had to teach me, program me with, for me to accept it as normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the person I am in a relationship within is my possession, belongs to me, and thus, I have this experience when I seek a relationship that I must be careful who I choose, who I will possess, who I will owe, who I will control, in the fear of that if I make an agreement with someone that does not fit my IDEA of a “perfect” partner, where this perfect partner is actually just perfect within fitting my IDEA/believes and opinions, and thus Fear that if I choose the wrong girl that I will be challenged and thus NOT loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on HOW relationships should work from my parents without question, and to just accept It as normal, as the way it should be, never questioning that if MY parents relationship was the IDEAL relationship as an example to me and human kind, then why is the world all fucked up? Abandoning all common sense for the sake of what my parents relationship showed me as the control, possession, deception, freedom to abuse and use in fact for the sake of how each person feels, and not how it contributes in fact to the world as a whole as creating and maintaining a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a Young kid, as a male, look at girls and feel shy, feeling like I am the Opposite of a girl, and that girls are aliens to males, and thus I must develop a method of deception and manipulation to simply interact with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a young kid, feel weird around girls, based on what I have heard and seen within society and culture, where males must be strong and confident and have the guts to simply TAKE a women, yet I always felt I missed those qualities, and so I found having general relationships with girls as impossible by just being me, so I had to create this game just to interact with girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of having NO support in my childhood years on what it is I am experiencing within me towards girls, the opposite sex, and why I am experiencing the things I was, and that I was left all alone to figure it out by myself, and so I would take other kids. Other males as example, what they show me, what I see ad what I hear and to within that program and train myself slowly but surely to become these other males, their examples, to find a way to define and direct what I was experiencing within me towards girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Confuse general conversation with girls as being different to what I had with Boys, simply because of what TV, media, family and society has given to me as an idea, that you need to steal a girls heart, you need to play a girls heart, you need to be a real man, where this real man Idea was so farfetched that I never felt like I was reaching it, and thus always feeling like I was losing out, and so within these ideas created by society as male and female and how it “should” be confuse my experiences with what others are saying, never really understanding anything I was experiencing within me, yes giving it definitions of the SYSTEM, such as what I am experiencing towards girls is called “love” – not realizing that this was simply other people transferring their confusions to me about that experiences they had as kids to me and “explaining” it. Calling it love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I talked to a girl as a kid and experiencing myself anxious due to what I have learned and heard from others what I as a male am supposed to be and what Girls are supposed to be and to then interpret it as LOVE, yet it was simply anxiety that was heightened due to me DEFINING myself in those moments within interacting with girls based on the feedback, if I am a real MAN or not. Which came from all the opinions/ideas and believes my family, culture and society has sold me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I was a baby I had NO internal experiences within me interacting with anyone, and that only later on after a lot of programming has already taken hold on me based on my sexuality and what it is supposed to be and how it is supposed to look and act, that I started creating Ideas/believes and opinions within me which compromised ME to simply express myself around anyone equally the same, where I would now place myself in a category of what type of male I am and so start searching and finding a “girl” that fits my MALE Ideas/believes/opinions I have created of myself, as what I DO have as a male and what I lack as a male and so find a girl that just accepts me and my fears/insecurities and make me feel just at home within my own believes/ideas and opinions that I accepted and allowed to exist within me without question since childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse ALL the Biased information that I have received from society, family, culture as ALL the information as the feelings/emotions and thoughts that it created within me as “attraction” as “sexuality” towards the opposite sex, and explaining it as LOVE, and to within this connect the energy that was created within me due to all the information to sex and love. Seeing and realizing that all it really was is BAD education and NO understanding and thus I was left to my own vices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at girls and to think, wow, they are so different from me, and to within this create a separation between me and girls and thus a point of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret this fear as the energy experience that I have/had towards girls as being a form of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the feeling of fear/anxiety that I have/had towards girls as being something that “meant” something more than what was HERE, me and another person talking, and to take this more and to place it into two categories of love or sexual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure around a girl within communication and can’t find my words or stumble or feel as if I need to say interesting things, smart things, or make jokes that it means I must like her, there must be some sort of meaning to this that is more than me, and to label it as love, instead of seeing and realizing the facts that it is what I have been taught/educated about “male/female” relationships by society and where I have placed me within those definitions according to my Looks, my social stand, my economic status, and even my “race” as a human, and to either place myself high or low or in-between, and to within this I will also have different levels of communicating to different girls based on where I have placed them within these categories that society/family/culture has placed within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around a girl/women, to actually slow down and to realize and see that what I am experiencing within me has nothing to do with the other person, and that the other person has actually in fact NO power or possible way of making me experiencing anything within me, as if that was true then I would have practically been able to make any women fall in love with me at any time, and thus I see and realize that it is all a mind job, where I am playing myself based on programming/brainwashing/mind control that has been placed within me since birth by family/society and culture and thus what I am experiencing is inherently MINE and has nothing to do with the other person, and thus I am fully responsible for what exist in me and can never claim or say to someone else, that THEY are making me experience myself a certain way, such as LOVE OR sexual attraction. And thus it is actually blame.


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I want to create a relationship with a girl, where it is ONLY me and her, together forever based on how I experienced myself when I am in the presence of this other person, then the relationship will always and only be based on how I experience myself and hold the other person responsible for this experience and thus I will in all my power and control attempt to keep the other person I am in a relationship with exactly the same and never grand change or improvement for them, as that would mean I will lose MY experience that I have within me that I have attached and blamed the other person for as my experience as love, and then also hold the person responsible for how I will experience myself as anger, hate, frustration, jealousy, name them all, if they change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I must first be in a relationship with a girl/women before I can have sex, and to within this believe as a child, start playing a game of manipulating girls, to get girls to LOVE me so that I can have sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now use the fears and anxieties that I have labelled as LOVE to manipulate and deceive girls to fall in love with me, where my LOVE if covering ALL their fears, where MY love is now the band aid to all their insecurities and fears and where I then become the perfect match for them and so I have their Trust, and so I can have sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the early on realization in my teenage years where I realized girls fall for love more easily than boys as girls have more fears than boys based on the same programming Both boys and Girls received from child hood, where girls are fragile and weaker and more emotional and boys are the opposite, to play this programming by using LOVE as a way to get to sex and to within this abuse the girl and in the end make the fears come true as the “male” and “female” definitions that we were thought as kids and got as impressions as kids, and so continue to live out the sins of the fathers, and as I get older start looking for a girl that will give me sex and even marry for this reason and abuse and manipulate it all as being LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY using the word LOVe as an easy way to simply catch a girl and to get her to have sex, and to even justify my unconditional LOVE as being real and genuine to the world, and completely hide the sex factor so deep that not even I can admit it to myself anymore and will even now DIE for this love, as I know I want sex and will have sex before I even die and that makes this LOVE so real and pure, as it will make my very wish come true even at death, as I have through this love captured and trapped the other person/girl for eternity and she is MINE now and forever and thus sex is guaranteed even till death.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

You are just a stupid Child Day 4 of 21 (day 589)

Postby Gian » 26 Jul 2016, 23:54

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... of-21.html

An interesting memory came up today, I first had shoulder pain, so I asked my partner to just touch my shoulders, so that I can see what information was within my shoulders as it is being release, so as I stood there and my partner pressed on my shoulders for a minute, I got a pain in my neck on the left side, which showed me a point of expression and the shoulders was burdened and self-judgement, as I was breathing, I saw a memory coming up, as this memory came up and I started talking about it my shoulders started relaxing and the pain in my neck, but the points are still there. So here I go with the memory.

This memory isn’t very specific, it is many memories blurred into one experience within me, like the impression of my entire childhood, where the impression I got as a child living and expressing myself was that everything or anything I wanted to just do, that was different, that wasn’t “normal” was seen as me just being a child, and the definition of a child in general society, especially in my county, is that a child is stupid, so I got the “feeling” always that I was stupid, in adequate – that I must rather listen to the adults and do as they say, do as they do and then I will be seen as intelligent, as good enough, as smart. YET, I had a conflict within me to why can’t I do what I want to do and express that.

Now this has become part of me as an adult, where I now always feel when I am doing something different, outside of the “norms” of what other adults are doing, that I am stupid, that I do not know what I am doing, that I am just messing around, that I am not serious, that I am just going through a phase, that I will come to my senses later on, that what I am doing is a joke.

This created a massive ego problem later on as an adult, where I as an adult become very aggressive, very angry, and I want to PROVE what I am doing isn’t stupid, that I know what I am doing, that this isn’t just a phase, that I am capable, and so I become a very sensitive person actually, very emotional, where anyone that might challenge me to make me experience myself as that child again, will trigger some nasty shit, some fire being thrown at them. And this makes me a very reactive and unpleasant person to be around, even though what I am presenting as my face and behavior is calm and cool and confident, all this is a manipulation technique developed to “keep face” as a way of showing the world that world was wrong, the world here being the adults, their believes, their cultures, their “ways” and so forth, and so I become very stubborn over time, very difficult to change anything within me, as I fear losing this life long battle as me as the child against the adults.

Even now where I am an adult, I still see myself as a Child that is fighting the adults, that is here to prove the adults wrong, and this creates a lot of stress, tension and a massive Burden that I have created for myself to carry and to accomplish for myself, as I am always walking in-between winning or losing, never walking actually in stability as this is a polarity based “game” that I have created within me, and as a teenager did rebel, did attempt to break up my family and relationships in abusive emotional ways.

And so the battle of the Ego’s commenced for eternity, where both sides perceive themselves as the good side, yet each opposite sees the other side as the evil, and thus a losing battle begun of knowledge and information, who is right and who is wrong, completely missing common sense, self-honesty and the physical reality, as the it is and can only be a battle of MIND as energy and a winner and a loser.

Lol where to begin the Self forgiveness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight adults or people that I see as “adults” and to within this fighting which can come through as general speaking want to “win” the conversation as to feel that I am not stupid, that I am not lacking, that I am not in the wrong and to make the adults feel like they are in the wrong and to make them feel as if they are a child that is stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling or experiencing myself as a stupid child where I am corrected or said to be wrong or to not be taken seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously even when I am within all seriousness expressing myself, yet I believe and perceive that people see me still as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others perceive me and to within this perception they have of me hold that against me within anything I do or say and where this perception of me that I believe people have of me is always negative, as inferior, as less than, as just Gian being funny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned of what others people have as a perception of me within their minds and to act within that concern and to always wanting to proof that concern that I have wrong to others, when in fact I am actually attempting to proof myself wrong, as the concern is existent within me as my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be concerned about how people see me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that people always see me as only the best qualities that is that of right and intelligent and wise and full of knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself as not being smart to exist within me as a conflict within me that I have with myself where I am always fighting myself and attempting to proof to myself that I am smart, yet finding this impossible as I am fighting a believer of myself that I am not smart which will always be there no matter how smart I get, and thus my smartness will never be enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid and not capable and to within this self-judgement FEAR that others will judge me the same, or see that I am judging myself as that and then take advantage of that judgement I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience I had a “just being a child” to take hold and effect on me throughout my life and to infect everything I as an experience of never being enough, of never being creative or an individual that can express himself, and to within that always Blame those that I have deemed as being responsible for my experience and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and hold an impression of my childhood experiences within me of that I am not normal, as just being a child, as stupid, inadequate, not capable, not serious, that I must always listen to adults, and do as adults say, those with “experience” and that have lived longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the impressions I got from family, society, that I am not smart, that I am not intelligent, that I am not good enough, and to within this form an inner conflict within myself of self-hatred, where I started blaming and judging myself for “missing” all those things and so always fight with myself within myself and started developing self-hatred and anger issues also towards others that would make me experience myself as all those things that I am “missing” and take the fight/conflict outward to make the other person/people feel the same way as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make others feel the same way as I experience myself just to get back at them, as to blame them for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I communicate with other people over the internet or in real life, to always have a defense system up where I am ready to protect myself for in case I am challenged in the fear of feeling like a stupid child again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist as the insecurity of and as a child of and as the system definition of a child, instead of standing by my physical child as the confidence of ME as the physical, and to within this separate myself from the expression of the physical into the mind as a energy program that works/function on polarities as reactions, as winning and losing, and to within this create a religion of myself that I must fight for, that I must protect, where I am in fact always only protecting the ideas/believes/opinions of myself of being a stupid child and never actually changing myself as the problem within me through corrective living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto having to fight everyone in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that I must defend myself against everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea/believe that I must always prove myself to everyone or I will lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the fear of losing, where I believe that if I have to even lose in a conversation or in a talk or any form of communication with others or the world or where I do not know something yet, that I am less, that I am not worthy of life, of being me, or expressing me, and that I should rather then shut up and sit in the corner as I was taught to do in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back on my expression and common sense in the fear of that anyone might challenge it, and that I might have been wrong and need to re-look at what I looked at and to within this actually only fear knowing my ego and that I will be unwilling to admit I have missed a point and so rather not express myself in the fear of facing all my ego points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontation as I fear feeling like a child that is stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be able to right now as I am, know everything in existence before I can express myself, seeing and realizing that this comes from the ego point of fearing being wrong, losing and thus I want to prepare myself to ONLY win, and so I lose all common sense and rather focusing on knowledge and information as reason as weapons to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for doing something different than what adults advised me to do, where I fear that the adults will laugh at me and see me as being stupid and funny again and thus not being taken serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this “being taken seriously” such a big point where I can actually become possessed by anger and wanting control people and events for the sake of feeling that I am being taken seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add so much value of who I am within needing to be taken seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must take myself seriously first and even when I do take myself serious to take it kindheartedly, where I attach nothing personal to what I say and do, but to walk it within principle, within self-honesty and common sense, to simply always make sure that I am checking my words to be within common sense, supportive and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be tense within myself expecting the worse responses from people within what I do and what I stand for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense within myself when and as I am being serious, seeing and realizing that I am tense because I am writing from the starting point of “people MUST take this what I am saying serious or there will be shit” and to within this place heavy expectations on myself through how I have placed the word in writing or speaking and thus create a In Tenseness within me through how I have placed the sentences that now hold me to them and their expectations as the intentions I had behind them, which was and is still based on self-interest to PROOF myself to others as being serious, instead of my starting point being clear, a realization and insight of a real moment as a living being walking within Principle and expressing the insight, realization as is and to not ADD on the extra bit that comes from where I believe I am lacking and requires to WIN and seen as serious and thus always exaggerate my words to make up for what I believe I am lacking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT check myself in slow motion breathing and what is HERE as personality and to stop and all personality/character that interFEAR with what I have seen as a realization or insight and where the message remains clear and thus supportive for all one and equal as the physical, no mind added, no secret agenda, no tail, no intention, no Bias.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cast aside simplicity, direct hereness, seeing and to add biased messages and values within my words that supports the mind, as my characters, personalities that are always from and as a negative starting point, even if the message is “positive”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a person say something or comment on something which contains a lot of information and knowledge to cast aside my simplicity and t take what the person has said as a personal attack/challenge to see if I can beat this person, if I can win with my knowledge and information and so chase away people, and so create wards and fight and conflicts that are unnecessary and very personal and not what is best for all life, and not for myself, or I would not have had any personal connections to my words as they are as and for all life, and not for a personal agenda.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up as I am about to say something in the fear of saying the wrong things that makes me sound and seem like a loser and thus not win, instead of breathing and trusting my simplicity, my direct seeing, my common sense and to speak that no matter how I “think” others will receive it, as long as I check my words and know they are clear and in alignment with what’s best for all life, expression common sense, expressing NO emotion, no feelings no personal attachments that then contaminates and renders the message useless.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am about to speak, type, write or do any form of communication, to check myself, to slow down, to remove all emotion, feelings and to forgive what is here behind my starting point for wanting to do what I am about to do, to stabilize myself and not rush into battle and to check my words, my common sense, my self-honesty and to write the words that are clear and to not attach any personal value where I feel what I am saying will give or remove any value from me, as the value of my words must stand within common sense, self-honesty and that stand in the physical and needs NO fighting, no argument, no personality, NO bias.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

The nasty living of REGRET, Day 5 of 21 – Day 590

Postby Gian » 27 Jul 2016, 23:30

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... of-21.html

The word regret brings out a lot within me, too much for on blog. Starting here is the best time.
Living regret is a nasty thing, it is self-destructive, it is self-harming, it is as if I am attempting to “live” but at the same time destroy myself. Living regret is like wanting to change but ONLY if the change can make up for the past, but the problem is, the past is a massive mountain that keeps on growing through the very act of trying to make up for the regrets, so no matter how much I attempt to change, no matter how much I attempt to make up for the past, it is impossible, because the past is just that. The past.

Here is one of the dimensions of how living regret is like a snow ball effect, where regret is just growing and getting bigger and bigger. And this regret is coming down on me every day, all the time, I am carrying the past with me as who I am all the time, regret is me telling myself THESE are the mistakes that I have made, LOOK – there they are, I have failed within ALL of those things, and I will have to go back to each and every point that I have failed at, that I have made mistakes within and make up for it, so I will carry them all with me and keep adding all the current mistakes and failures and hopefully, someday I might just make up for all of it.

The problem is, when I carry Regret (re-Get) with me, this burden, this stress, this heavy heavy feeling/emotion of I am a failure, I am a mistake, because I have all this evidence of it, so it must be who I am – and because it is SOOO much, it becomes an evil cycle where I will say to myself, or tell myself, OH well, I might as well fail at this again, I might as well just keep on making mistakes, because what real difference is it going to make compared to ALLL the past regrets as mistakes as failures that I already have. It is like adding a spade of dirt to a mountain every day, believing that this spade of dirt will not have any effect on the mountain, so I might as well just add many spades more a day, I mean just look at how tiny a spade of sand is compared to the Mountain (regret) – not considering that, if I do this for years and years, I have literally created another mountain.

Regret I would say is one of my main points, there are many dimensions and factors to this point and why I say it is one of my main points, but this point exists within me daily, and it is time to face the monster of regret that I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist as regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in living IN regret and to make regret my daily living, where I feel I have to keep on making up for the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the regret of always being stubborn as a kid and to never learn anything new or give anything a chance that others have suggested to me, as I wanted to follow my own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a resistance towards doing self-forgiveness on regret, where my mind goes blank, as if nothing is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the regret that I never stood up to adults and spoke out against abuse and to voice myself within common sense and what I could see as a child and to question and keep questioning everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret everything in my life as I ever did anything for myself and always did everything for others and where these other people are benefiting my personal self-interest and survival only, even when this means selling myself, giving up myself, my strong points, my natural expression that I had as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at the end of everyday count all my regrets, as where I have failed, where I have made mistakes and to within this continue my following day within this regret, where I now attempt to suddenly be all good and be all doing, yet I am not making up for yesterday and so I miss out completely on HERE as today, the new day as well, and so the cycle of regret continues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up in the morning, to check where am I going to correct myself today for yesterday’s mistakes/failures and so live in yesterday and to always end up failing and making mistakes again at the end of the day as I missed the entire day and so I now have many days the next day to make up for and so the cycle continues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this cycle of regret already move and direct myself within my day as a failure and thus I am more prone and open to self-destructive patterns and habits that I have formed to just put myself into that experience of I am a failure/mistake – just to confirm it and make it real so that I can make up for the entire day of living in this constant stress, anxiety of not making it through the day and getting to making up for the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into bad habits/pattern that are within secret just to play out the belief that I move around with all day within myself and that is and has become the reasons for what I do, yet hiding it with a fake smile, and so when in secret and I am alone, I feel that I can finally be myself, expose myself, YET not seeing and realizing that this person in secret isn’t ME, it is simply what I have accepted and allowed ME to live and be, and because I have not come to be self-honest within this point, I keep on falling into secret mind traps where I have a little cest pool of my own to indulge within my believe I have of myself, which I see and realize now I want to be true about me, why?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a Living ball of regret as failure and mistakes where I keep on repeating these failures and mistakes that always include others in my reality as TO get others to SEE me as a failure as well and a mistake so that I can get others to believe in my believe that I have of myself, as to get attention and to keep myself in check within my personality as to support the mind consciousness systems as polarity., seeing and realizing that there is NO secret reasons for this play-out but simply the reason for the mind to continue and for me as the being t NEVER stand up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attached deeper and more meanings to my failures and mistakes that I keep on repeating, as they must be indicating something about me, this must be who I am, this must be a secret ME that must be true, that I cannot change, as I see and realize that this is ME fighting and standing for the mind and nothing else, where I actually in fact do NOT want to change but remain the mind as polarity game that can always confirm my personality through a self-created cycle of where I in fact have to literally participate and give my energy and attention to for it to exist and without me this personality/character cannot exist if I simply stop and breathe and live.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this character of living regret is me in fact not wanting to change on a much deeper level, and thus I am still holding onto personality as the mind as knowledge and information as what defined me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the regret of never giving MYSELF a chance within the system as living the system when I was young, and where I would rather participate in separation and fear and thus create my OWN way and to within this have regrets of not testing out everything and keeping the good as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the regret of being shy towards girls that I knew liked me when I was in school and to completely shy away and hide myself in fears, fears of what others might think of me, fear of what others might say to me, fear of how it will make ME look if I had to admit that I liked the certain girl as well, even though she wasn’t considered as a system model looking person. YET I liked her but could not stand within integrity of equality and oneness, but rather fall into what the system is going to say, or tease me, or make me feel less, not considering that this is what this other person had to experience all the time from others and I was unable to stand equal as that person and to be of support and assistance. Not to mention to even be Honest with myself and to within that change myself completely too rather LIKE what is seen as appropriate for my status and my popularity and my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the regret of how I treated other people that didn’t seem to fit into the system, where I saw them as less than, and where I would only secretly be friends with these people to be nice to them, yet in public, in the open I would join the forces of the “popular” kids and be the evil that the system required me to be for my own survival and self-interest, never being able to stand for equality and oneness even when I knew within me even as a young child that it was evil and wrong and NOT best for all life, and yet I did it regardless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the regret of how I saw other people in my reality were treating animals/pets and even when I knew within me that it was Abusive in nature, not right, I remained silent, and I rather made the point about me, how I was raised with animals, and to use this as my justification for why I never stood up to other human beings and how they were treating animals, even when it was in the name of love, as I could now say, I am damaged, because of how I observed others handling animals as a child and so now I do not have a great relationship with animals anymore and thus can justify my behaviour around animals as being “disconnected”, not caring, not fully with the animal one and equal.
To be continued.

User avatar
Gian
Posts: 999
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

The Trap of forgiveness from another, Day 7 of 21 – Day 592

Postby Gian » 29 Jul 2016, 23:44

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... other.html

Why is Forgiveness from others not the answer to ourselves and changing ourselves?

I have lived this point over and over, where I have done something that upsets another person, or that involved another person and to cause harm to not only myself, but the other person, and then the other person would forgive me. YET, I have not forgiven myself, so what happens next – I do it again. Because I was forgiven, I felt that I am now free, I have nothing to worry about, because the other person could forgive me, it probably means that what I have done wasn’t that bad, regardless of me KNOWING that is it bad, this point of forgiveness from another BUT no self-forgiveness becomes a reason and excuse to just do it again, because the other person can just forgive me again, I mean, why not, and so it becomes an evil cycle of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else forgive me for what I have done that wasn’t best for all life, for myself or the other person, to use that forgiveness as an excuse, a reason within my mind to simply do what I have done again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the forgiveness of another through using that forgiveness to only make myself feel better about myself as a FEELING to relieve the shame and guilt and regret from what I have done, and to after this relief of the shame, guilt and regret feel more open and clear and to within this find within me the space to again fall into the abusive pattern as before, as I have not forgiven myself or taken into account the measure of my actions in fact on my personal life and a global scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that another forgives me just so that I can feel better about myself, feel lighter, to release me from the emotions I am experiencing within me, and to within this enforce a believe within me that because the other person could forgive me it must mean I didn’t do such a bad things, and so I start justifying what I am doing as not so bad, as actually good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEEK forgiveness from another after I have been bad, as to find evidence, proof from people/others outside of myself that I can be forgiven, that I am not as bad as I think I am, and thus within not forgiving myself, I go back to recreate the same abusive pattern as a curiosity, to find out, if the forgiveness that I received from the other person was real, if it was actually real, as I find it so hard within me to believe that I am a good person, and so use the forgiveness of others after and of my abusive habits/patterns to Uplift myself and how I feel about myself, what I belief of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as Long as the believe that defines me, where in this case the believe of me as being inherently being bad, defines me within any part of my beingness, and that I do not forgive myself and eradicate this belief of myself from the roots of which it came, that I will always fall back into the habits/patterns and seek redemption from outside of myself just so that I can again recreate and LIVE the belief of myself as being bad to then CONFIRM it through how others react and respond to me and then forgive me for me as to for a moment feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have the belief of me being a bad person proven right through deliberately participating in the actions of the habits/patterns that is abusive to me and others, so that I can get specific reaction that are created specifically within the specific actions I take within the habits/patterns from other people to “relive” a certain experience within me, the experience that I have defined myself according to since I was a child, since before I could remember. Just to confirm I am bad, and to live that definition of myself as confirmed, as I have not forgiven myself and only seek LOVE as forgiveness from others, indicating that as a child, within my first seven years, where I was programmed mostly, I have had experiences, moments, where I defined myself as bad, as shit, as not worthy of life, and not being loved, cared for, and to within this start participating in self-abusive patterns that simulate what happened with me as a child, as reliving the confirmation to why I have accepted and allowed myself to be who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else FORGIVES me for what I have done, to feel like it cannot be real, it isn’t possible, I am not forgivable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am so bad, so lost, so screwed that forgiveness even from another to me is impossible and thus how can I even forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it impossible that someone else could find it within themselves to forgive me, when I cannot even find it within myself to forgive myself, and thus I see and realize that I must find it within myself to forgive myself, as I will simply re-create and abuse myself and others as to attempt to PROOF to myself and others to why I cannot be forgiven, as I cannot even forgive myself, and to use that as a reason, as a justification to continue to exist as the personality/character that I have lived as all my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR forgiving myself for the abuse I have always existed as, as the belief I have lived as myself my entire life, as this forgiveness will mean that what I have lived and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be was never real, and thus all the abuse and harm was for nothing, that my experiences was for nothing, that I have wasted my life in living out this belief of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to KEEP participating within these abusive patterns/habits as wanting to give value to what I have been living my entire life as the belief that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as just to not have to suddenly give up all that value in energy and time that I spend living and defining myself as this belief of being soooo bad.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that NO matter how much other people forgive me and how many times I am forgiven, that as long as I cannot find it within myself to forgive myself and to live the correction, that I will keep on accumulating the consequences till I face reality hard on and where I have finally manifested a BAD reality equal and one to the belief that I have defined myself to, and then I will face self-forgiveness regardless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret someone else as forgiving me that it means that what I did is okay to do again, even when there is NO common sense in the reasoning but only irrational thoughts and energies coming up within me, and to within this start the cycle of abuse all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do bad things in the search for forgiveness just so that I can feel loved, cares for, where I have separated these qualities from myself and have never even given them to myself, not even knowing how to give it to myself, and thus I see and realize I must investigate these words and to redefine them for myself, as how I am living them now is that of abuse, where I believe that I will only receive love after I was abused, or being abusive, that care will only be given to me once I Have acted out, once I have been bad, and so I always keep on falling into the habits and patterns to seek forgiveness and then receive care/attention/love whereas before when everything was seemingly OKAY, there was no love, there was no care, no affection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that what I am living now as my BAD habits and patterns that is abusive is possible to trace back to its origin, within investigating the specific patterns and habits that are abusive and to simply take it back to childhood years, to where I developed myself and how I took my physical reality as WORDS that I later on imprinted into me as LIVING.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do BAD things to receive the opposite as GOOD after wards.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to go back to basics within investigating myself within breath, within checking the mind, the design of polarity and how I can use checking polarities what each point within my bad habits are representing within its polarity, where I am participating in being bad, how am I being bad, how do I prefer being caught being bad, and what is the already expected reactions and outcomes of those in my reality – as that reveals and shows the design that I am participating within.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I deem as BAD is also only bad because of How I am doing it, who I am within doing it, and thus this who and how is exposing all that is required to see what the future play-outs will manifest as the reasons for my actions, thus I can access, am I doing BAD things in secret, is it bad or just bad because I am doing it in secret, is it bad because it is actually bad, what does it mean to do something in secret, what changes the point of view when I am doing it openly, will I still want to do it, will it still be bad, will I then simply find something else to be bad about, must what I do be in secret to be bad, and why? How did I come to this conclusion, was I punished as a child for doing things openly and so I started doing things in secret, and then wanting to be caught out.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I do not take full self-responsibility for myself within giving to myself the understanding of WHY am I and HOW am I to see who I have accepted and allowed myself to be that NO amount of forgiveness from others for my actions will ever solve anything, as I must forgive myself as TRUTH will set me FREE, within self-forgiveness, and thus I can STOP that which I do not like and do not want to keep doing within full understanding, by actually giving myself the time to write and to investigate myself through writing self-forgiveness. And unless I do so, I will be a slave to my patterns and habits, as they are here to support me to find myself, to understand myself, and unless I use that help, support to stop, I will mindlessly participate in abusive habits and patterns that is NO good to anyone.


Return to “7 Years Journey to Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests