Gian's Journey to Life

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The Fear you have before you have the Ability to Respond Day 605, Day 8 of 21

Postby Gian » 30 Aug 2016, 13:05 ... -have.html

This is a follow up on my previous blog, I simply pinpointed the exact phrase that placed everything in perspective for me on what I need to focus on within today's self – forgiveness.

Do you know of what emotion I am speaking of, an ever so slight reaction that become so sharp as if it is taking your breath away, piercing from your solar plexus through into your chest, especially if there is a point of conflict coming, or perceived, as if an expectation will come to life that you feared. Not fearing the other people or person, but rather your ability to respond, where when this experience comes up within you, it is as if you lose all confidence, all common sense, all basics and the mind goes into reactive behavior, a flight or fight mode, as if everything of and about you is on the line. Even basic principles one stand and live by as a guideline is missing. Well this is the experience that I have had for a very long time in my life, since I was a young child. And now I have finally seen that all it is, is me not breathing and giving the mind Authority, and this giving takes a split second to happen and then its downhill from there, as showing that before I wasn’t breathing already, I was existing as a character, a personality already before that has everything to lose as a mind consciousness system. So here I go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the sudden sharp reactive emotion that comes up within me in moments that is of fear of my ability to respond and stand, where I see I hate this sudden sharp reaction because it is showing to me that I am in the mind and not breathing within the physical here walking real time, even when I believe I am not in the mind, this experience is showing to me what I am still accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that this sudden sharp reaction that starts subtle but then become sharp is but only supporting me and not actually meaning anything in terms of what I am connecting the experience to, but that it is simply showing me that I am in the mind and thus of the mind as personality and thus have something to fear, and so I see and realize that when and as this reaction comes up that I do not have to participate within it, I can simply breathe and let go of the mind and the experience and to the Give to me in and as the physical the ability to respond through anchoring myself within principle, within basics, within breath and all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to the mind when and as the mind is telling me that I am not able to respond, that I am weak, that I am lesser, that I must now fear my words as they will be in defense of my personality, and so respond within a reactive manner that bears only word of self-interest and ego, no matter how good they may sound, no matter how much reasoning they have, they are done so in the name of the mind and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on actually breathing as soon as I start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not focus on my breathing and to not actually stop any and all thoughts feelings and emotions, where I have taken on a certain emotion of being and defined that as me being in breathe, until I have a moment where this is revealed to me that is of a sudden sharp reaction going through my solar plexus into my chest (breath) and where I am completely dis-empowered and actually harming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually breathe and focus on breathing as my process walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have again created a certain character that can be called the pretending to breathe character” where this character stakes on a stance of I am breathing, yet it is just a character and not breathing in fact, as this character is till protecting and participating in ‘JUST” thoughts and feelings and emotions that is seen as okay to have and give attention to and that nothing will come of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into characters that I have seen as “me breathing” and to not question these characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must walk and talk and act a certain way to be in this breathing character to be able to say YES I am breathing because look I am in this character. As if I am following a image of myself as being the physical representation of a mind within my mind, that must be still looking, quiet and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify any character that I take on for why I am not breathing in fact for real dealing with my internal reality within self-forgiveness consistently as my rebirth process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider the actual implications of actually breathing and that the characters I play and take on now as if they are Breathing characters are not real and still enslavement and that to actually breathe has no pre-programming, it has no style, no habit, no pattern, not thoughts, feelings and emotions guiding anything, it does not even have time. Yet functions perfectly normal within the physical reality because breathe is actually in alignment with physical reality and NOT the mind.

Posts: 1050
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

When Lethargy sinks in Day 606 - 9 of 21

Postby Gian » 01 Sep 2016, 23:05 ... of-21.html

Many years ago I went through a state of lethargy, for months I was tired and exhausted and felt like sitting and zoning out, not doing or participating in anything, where the thought and thinking in my mind would be telling me over and over “ relax, you need to just sit down and relax, do nothing for a while, you have been working hard, you deserve to just sit still and do nothing, just zone out for a while, then you will feel alive and awake again, just give it time” – But then it continues, for days and then weeks and then months and then it becomes Me, this new habit and pattern.

BUT lucky me, I Listened to the Eqafe interviews on Lethargy a while back, and this enabled me to see when I was entering Lethargy, but that’s now all, because of the interviews I was not only able to see what I am in but also HOW I have created it for myself, it all took place in a short period of 30min, where I felt lethargic and suddenly I saw the construct that was described in the interviews, and I was like, wow, this is how I created it and why I am experiencing this. In that moment I could view who I was in the past few weeks and then how that specific doing/living ended up in a state I could not explain and just experienced and then have lethargy.

It is for me difficult to write it all specifically down, as this requires the knowledge of the interviews to fully understand, but I will do the Self-forgiveness none the less on my personal points of creation up until this point.

Here are the interviews for your interest:

Lethargy: Introduction – ... s-part-212
Lethargy Looking Ahead - ... s-part-216
Lethargy Domino Effect - ... s-part-213
Lethargy Self-Forgiveness - ... s-part-215
Lethargy A Physical Experience - ... s-part-214
Lethargy The Gifts Within - ... s-part-217

My Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the past few weeks take on a character within me of “advancement” where the point of advancement and growing wasn’t the problem, but that I took on a character within energy, where the mind made me believe that I require a certain character to face the changes of advancing and expanding based on expectations of what is to come, where I in the current moment already generate and create all the energy that I believe I will need as this character for when and as the moment arrives that these changes and advancements take place, and so within time as I advance, the expectations isn’t met, yet I have already generated and gathered all this energy within me for a certain moment, and as this moment never arrives my body still need to use this energy or do something with it, and thus I go into a lethargic state where all this energy is now weighing on me, making me feel tired as It never got to be expressed, and so it now needs to filter through my body and all the systems designed within the mind, and so I sit and wait for myself to feel awake again, to beef alive again to move and direct myself, yet as I wait for this to happen I am forming and creating new habits and patterns set within lethargy, and thus I become lethargy as a self-propelling cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require a high energy character for any change or advancement that MIGHT take place and to within this prepare the character within acclimating energy beforehand as to set myself up for success, without actually knowing the outcome of the actual time it will take before any advancement or change will actually take place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be someone else other than me to be ready, to handle any advancement or change that is to come or might come.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the non-common sense approach this is to take on a character and to generate all the required energy I believe I will required for something that might or might not happen and to within this act upon it within energy within me, not even checking physical reality and walking real time change, just following everything and anything my mind is throwing at me to follow according to an expectation I made up within my mind about what I want and not haw reality works.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

This blog is on sex and private parts, adult's only , the BIG surprise – Day 607 day 10 of 21

Postby Gian » 02 Sep 2016, 23:48 ... parts.html

This blog is for adults, well, should it be? I mean let’s be honest, we all got introduced to sex and everything about sex the day we were made, I mean a penis and a vagina was involved, but to be more serious, fuck media made sure I knew about vaginas and penises before my system assigned appropriate age which is 18, by the time I was 13, I have seen hard core porn, by accident of course. Visiting a friend by surprise, standing at the entrance of the door at his home, I heard weird noises coming from the house and looked in and saw on two computer screens hard core porn playing. I was fucking shocked. Before that I of course have seen naked women and men, I mean I am a man, but I saw naked women on TV, all the time, with my family, especially when sex scenes were coming up, but the private parts are always hidden then. And I got hold of a lot of “sexy” magazines, those perfect brainwashing tools being distributed all around, and they all were basically just teasing, not showing anything “private” once again, 90% was left to the imagination. And this is the part I am coming to within this blog.

The imagination and Vaginas

Please, consider this blog is written from me as a male point of view and it is going to be quite honest and open, so don’t make it personal towards me or anyone or anything else. I want to share my experiences and what I learned as a young man in his teens and before that and up until now.

consider - everything except porn is designed to make us focus on everything as an image other than the actual private parts, so we are left to connect the real point with the imagination stimulus designed around the people and images presented, such as the ass, legs, eyes, arms, figure, to totally disregard the actual point in discussion - sex, which is the vagina and the penis really.

I was sold an Idea about sex that was contradicting reality regarding sex, yes it is and was my responsibility to not accept and allow all the shit I was told and sold about sex, but I did, it was a curious thing, as I was in the stages of still understanding sex and my own male parts and the curious secretive female parts.

From TV and Media, I got this perfect picture, beautiful clean women idea, and then also that women are good for sex, really, that’s all I saw women good for in my youth, to get sex, perhaps I am one of the guys that wanted that idea to be sold to me because I was so insecure, perhaps all guys had this idea and hid it better, but my point is, this used to be my ideas, not the Ideal at all.

Yet I also had this Idea mixed up with women are perfect, somehow I was mind fucked by two polarities like a beautiful nice respected girl is somehow a prostitute underneath it all to be fucked hard. This is simply how it was programmed within me through what I saw on TV and Media and magazines, all those pictures and moving pictures really influences a guy at that age (age 7 and onward).

Now I knew one thing, a Dick is an ugly thing, I mean, geeze, just look at it, and never mind the smell sometimes, they look like one eyed monsters, in the showers or dressing rooms with a bunch of other guys, there are all kinds of weird one eyed monsters, all competing with each other, who’s got a meaner and stronger monster, checking and looking, even teasing and laughing at those who’s monsters weren’t in a certain range, not to mention the size and the different ways of direction all these one eyed monsters have. The point I want to make will come soon for mentioning this.

I remember feeling insecure after a few times having this competition in the dressing rooms for buys and not wanting to get dressed or naked in front of other boys, because the possibility of teasing might come up, so I avoided that, even though it never happened to me, but other kids got it hard, not that kind of hard.

Then you have the public toilets, and here, sometimes there are up to 10 standing urinals next to each other, and while pissing you try and avoid others from looking or seeing but if there are two other guys next to you, you just have to give u and piss quick and get it over, unless you are not shy and have some kind of an idea about your size one eye monster, then some guys will like swing that thing out and proudly piss for all to see. So now, here I am with a reality check always around me, and here comes my point that had me confused and that I took to myself as a male.

When I watch movies, or hear songs, where the girls just cannot wait to give a guy a blow job or touch his dick, I go in my mind WHAT?? Does this girl even know what she is wanting? I mean, the weird shit that goes on in men’s pans and the smells, Girls want that? Shit, there must be something wrong with women then to want that shit. Now at this point in time I still had NO clue what a vagina really looks like, feels like or if it also smells – and god dammit I was going with my imagination, because if I had to be real with myself that Vaginas will also smell, or feel weird, or have weird looks, then what I have in my imagination about girls will quickly change to becoming real and not this clean perfect image that is pure and smooth and just fucking perfect, and I went as far as even imagining that the picture of these models on TV and in magazines must fit what their vaginas will be like, I mean it must be??

Now the only “real” feedback I got on what Vaginas are about and how they are was from my trust worthy friends – and all the stories they have heard and later on all the stories that they have created “apparently” before me – and NEVER was anything mentioned about smells or tastes, even though they claimed they have been down there, all I heard was about wetness, extreme wetness, this surprised me because I never imagined that, of course imagination attempts to be far away from reality. Never mind all the hair, or mentioning about hair flossing your teeth potentially.

I discovered all of this myself over the years in my teenage years, and it was a surprise – not that there was smells, and hair and lots of juices, but that even after that and everyone knowing about the reality of vaginas and penises, among ourselves we will always only talk superficial as to keep the imagination intact, that which isn’t real, we do not talk about the real stuff, all of it, like while you have sex, farting is a possibility, mmm.

So this is my blog on sharing a bit more about how if we are real with ourselves in terms of reality and the sexual organs and stop making everything in our minds as pretty, as clean, as nice as perfect and get down to the actuality of it all, we can actually start seeing more clearly when something is literally deceiving us with pictures and selling using sex mixed with perfection, I mean, you will encounter ass hair, or some weird shit downstairs, it just is part of the human design and we can trip and cut and do plastic surgery all we want but it isn’t solving eh problem of the imagination and how it run people’s lives, I mean, after discovering the reality of sex for myself the first time and what’s involved, besides just intercourse, but like playing, you know, four play – I still have the Imagination to imagine it different and more perfect with some other girl, that this other girls will be more perfect, or have it right as I have imagined it, I mean just take a look at your own dick/penis, there is no perfect.

In the end it is really simple, regardless of the body image, one has a penis and the other has a vagina, or in more simpler terms, one has a rod and the other has a hole, that’s what it is all about, and to make these parts fit, is simple, in and out, with of course the required lubrication's and that will cause certain smells, like a car gives off a smell from the oil and petrol because of all the ins and outs happening, and then there will be gasses release, and we have exhausts pipes, our assholes, and shit will take place, we have to be real about this or the imagination and what is in movies, TV’s series and general media will keep playing on this “perfect imaginary world of sex in our minds”.

And the saddest part is, we are all actually believing and thinking that we can achieve this perfection image and are willing to go to great lengths to change our bodies, but if you are going to sweat and stink during sex, or if your penis or vagina is going to produce a certain smell while in action, you better hope you can breathe and be here in the physical, or you will be turned off, and then a sexual problem is coming.

Being real about this, you will find NO women or man in the streets will be attractive to you as an image anymore and you will empower yourself to already there not get distracted or fall in the trap of being attracted by an image.

Imagine that hot Vampire lady you saw in a movie or guy and then realizing, shit they have stinky dicks and vaginas just like me, they fart just like me, they have imperfect vaginas and dicks just like me, there is nothing special, just the outer image, they also probably far and have ass hair while in that intimate moment, and when things get really hot those smelly armpits will just make things bloom even more and there is nothing special.

The physical has the same way of expressing itself within the same things within all of us. These are some pointers I integrated for myself to stop the addiction of looking, of desire ring, of being distracted and following the lady in the red dress so to say, now I can truly embrace me as my body and there is NO imagination interfering and I am in breath. Then every moment is perfect and not seeking it somewhere out there as sold to us. Let’s all grow leg hair and armpit hair, destroy the illusions that keeps the systems alive and in attraction.

Posts: 1050
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 608 - Stubbornness

Postby Gian » 07 Sep 2016, 23:27 ... nness.html


I have been a very stubborn person throughout my life, right up in people’s faces I would be stubborn, someone would offer me their help ad I would say NO, I can do this by myself, or I would be struggling with something for weeks, even months and I will NOT ask for help because I must face this along, I must get this all by myself.

Since I started walking my Desteni process, the tools and the material in all the blogs and vlogs and interviews has been challenging a whole different level of stubbornness within me.

I NEVER enjoyed anyone giving me the answer that is RIGHT, I would rather old onto my own answer with my own added values that I see is the “right” way even when I know it is just an opinion or a believe or idea – even when the answer given to me as the “right” answer has already been lived by someone and has already been proven by someone and can be explained to me in detail, whereas I with my answer cannot, I will hold onto my answer, being stubborn, unwilling to give up MY way as my Ego, going where my energy is, and not letting GO of it and taking on humility and seeing the new information as it is and to actually apply myself. NO, I would rather struggle for weeks and months and then learn it by myself, maybe. Or I would rather be stuck in MY WAY forever than rather giving it up and letting the ego GO.

His has changed a lot during my time walking with Desteni and I have seen almost immediate improvements in my life, first of all, I learned that I am alone yet together along with other people. Secondly if someone else gives me an answer that is “right” compared to mine, It doesn’t mean they see me as less, in fact it means they see me as more and that’s why the answer or new information is provided, because the other person wishes for me to be my utmost potential and for me to stop struggling within myself, yet with stubbornness that struggle can be very real and LONG.

Thirdly, I realized how much I reacted towards other people challenging my IDEA I have of myself, and how this challenge that other are giving me puts up this WALL of stubbornness and where I now MUST be more clever, or have a correct answer, or one that is even MORE better and saying those things as to show the other people I do not need your advice or help, which is again stubbornness, unwillingness to change, unwilling to admit that my way isn’t the way, and that if someone gives me a different way that takes out all the struggling, then I can simply take it – BUT NO, stubborn people, as myself want to be special, you see. Stubborn people want to be able to say SEE I did it all by myself, therefore I have all the credit, I was right, I am the winner of ME, but really?

This stubborn point has been challenged within me to its utmost through starting my Desteni Process, to be humble, to not be the all-knowing person, to be the inflexible self-righteous person that is always in conflict with everyone because LOOk I have a better answer, look I am saying this, YOU didn’t have to, I didn’t need any help from you.

And this character can be sneaky, I have noticed how I can even listen to someone and SEE what they are saying and how it makes sense, and the practicality within what they are saying is HERE, yet I will walk away from such a conversation and then I will go in myself – ok, let me IMPROVE this what I was given and make it even better, and this I do because if I change what was told to me or what I heard into my OWN version then I can use it and tell the other person I still did it all by myself, LOOKI have even better way of saying it, of doing it, I found this way, not you, I didn’t need your help. The stubborn character LOVES credit for itself no matter what as long as someone else wasn’t right or helping or giving better information than the stubborn character.

I will be going into the stubborn character in more detail within my next block through self-forgiveness.

Posts: 1050
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Children Inherit The Future

Postby Gian » 18 Sep 2016, 00:43

Today's blog is going to be a bit more real, so please bare with me as I make my point in relation to -> children inherit the future.

As a young father to a three year old child/son, I have to bring this to the attention of all other parents out there that is currently parents and that once were children.

We are all on the same ship and we all have the same things in relation to one another within this world. we all share ONE planet, we all share the same air, we all share the same oceans and forests and we all share the exact same human needs and basics to live a life worth living.

When I was young, I wanted to change the world, I wanted to see a better world, I wanted to see all the abuse in this world end and to stop. After a while I forgot, I gave up, I simply became one of the people among people. Partying, drinking, smoking, and doing all the fun stuff. I spend most, if not all of my time focusing on only one SHIP, and that was getting a Relationship with another human being, a girl. To create a life, to have fun with, to have sex with and to focus all my attention on this one ship, taking OUR course through life, setting sails high and following the same path as everyone else, which was, family and money and everything in-between. This is what everyone does.

The world is getting worse, and one thing that I have heard one to many times are that our children will be the change, our children will be the change we want to see in the future. All we need to do is teach our children right, they need good education, they need to have the right methods that we never had.

This is a BIG problem when parents mentality is this way. Why? because our parents before us and their parents before them probably said the same, and look, here we are.

So there are a few points I want to mention to show how this approach is actually creating a HELL for our children to inherit and that they will inherit if we continue on this course.

Our Children will become US, nothing less or more. That is how simple it is. So no matter how much we are educating them different or to be the change, as long as we are not living examples in fact in every day life/living as the change this world needs, as WHO we are, not pretending or coping, all that education will be for nothing.

For example: we can send our children to schools that provides and gives the best education, we can pay a lot for it, we can send our children to camps and to all sorts of courses to teach them about life and nature and animals and to get our children to know more than us, to be more than what we were. But guess what, our Children have already given 100% trust to US and not to schools or higher educational institutes, or courses out there. This happens since Birth, and this trust is blind, and that's how it works. So, even after all the money and effort spend to make our children be more and better than us, if they come home and see Dad depressed, sitting and drinking a beer, watching TV, being angry, lazy and so on, or mom doing the same, that's what they will become. Even if dad is always happy and smiling, or mom, and it seems like mom and dad is happy and living life, children can see and know what is inside and beyond the coping and pretending form whats inside, and that's what they learn, and we all know this.

No matter how much our children want to change the world even, even if mom and dad at home are the worst living examples and they still have the drive, it is the examples we as the parents are living and standing as in fact that they will become, it might take 10 to 30 years, but it will kick in, we will not be able to help our children, our children will not be able to help themselves, because they learned ALL our behaviors and patterns and habits, and even all our experiences as our emotions and feelings within the first seven years of their lives. and the worst part is, They, as we did, will not remember a thing, so we will not even know what it is that is happening to them, they will just become it, as if it is them.

You are your own cross reference within this, just take a look, as a child you were so full of life, and somewhere in between you just became someone else, where did you go? what happened to you? it is as if you are lost and could not help it.

This is why every generations parents HOPE that their children will be the change, but it is impossible and it isn't happening, it seems to always be postponed, even when it seemed like there is a possibility for change, there is always this dip, this fading away within the movement or any form of change. it is because No one actually understands how the mind works, what memories are, and how we are Living words in fact. which is why I focus all my blogs here on words.

What I described here is basically in a nutshell the sins of the fathers/mothers or previous generations. It is a never ending spiraling hell for all of us.

We all Love our children and we can not say we love our children more than the next person, all parents love is equal and thus we must love all children and parents equally within the understanding of this love, this care, this connection, we must feel each-other, we must look at a child of a stranger and we must immediately connect that, that is our child as-well, because we understand that we all share the same love - now we must become a living love, a love that transcends feelings or experiences, it must become a living love, we must stand up and we must in fact change and stop placing the sins of the fathers onto our children, because that isn't love, that is punishment, to say our children is the future and will change the future is like condemning our children to a hell, and saying you can sort it out. that is not love lived, that is love backwards as EVOL, real evil.

To do this we must Forgive ourselves for becoming the sins of our fathers and that we have become it just because it felt natural, and we must become Children again, children that has no fear, that stands for expressing, let go of the old, the judgements, the insecurities, you weren't born with it, you weren't born with religions, or skin colors, you weren't born with anything of this world, so let it all go and be a child again and stop the sins of the father, self-forgiveness is the key and lets walk real love for our children, love that is to give them, for them to inherit a future that is heaven on earth, a place that when we as parents die, we know our children are safe, and their children and all generations to come.

As a child, we weren't controlled by money, we weren't controlled by anything, till we were programmed and brainwashed to become a false living word of a worl()d created by the the sins of the fathers.

consider this.

Thank you and please share this. Contact me if you want to know more, a journey I have walked for more than 8 years and how I have come to see what I see and realized, and can share today.

Posts: 1050
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Giveing to Give Within

Postby Gian » 08 Oct 2016, 11:13

Giving – Give In

This is the first blog of two. I am going to investigate the usual saying of “giving and receiving” that ever so casually come together. What I have found is that within me there is a general miss-conception on this giving and receiving saying, as I do not understand the words in themselves. I usually say, give as you would like to receive, or give and you shall receive, yet – what exactly does GIVING mean to me, and so what does RECEIVING mean to me, and how am I living those words.

The reason I am investigating these words and starting with giving is quite interesting, as I had a moment the other day talking to my partner about a certain behaviour of mine, which involved me seeing myself as a giving person, and how I have lived this definition of “giving” – which turned out to actually being a pattern of self-harm, which surprised me, as I never saw how I was actually living this word and what my actions was in relation to this.

Where to start?

Giving is to have something and to then give that something to someone, giving can be a physical thing or an emotional thing. This is the general understanding of giving, if I have two apples and someone else is with me, I can give that other person one of the apples, and so I have now given.

Giving is also associated with being “positive” – something that is good, something that is a form of humbleness, it is to share, to give up what we possess and to give that to someone or something else and to kind of let go of the ego and to take more than self into consideration.

Most people in this world enjoy giving, we enjoy giving because we have set it as a point of self-reference, where we can now define ourselves according to our actions, and we can say, LOOK I am a good person, I have given and I do give, and thus making a statement of – I am not selfish, I care for more than myself, I have a good heart.

Sometimes, giving can challenge us, like seeing a homeless person standing on the side of the road begging for money or food, as we pass this homeless person holding out their hand, we will have this natural drive to want to GIVE, yet in those moments we might be eating a sandwich or some chips, or even sipping on a cool drink, and as we stare onto the homeless person in need and begging and we know that we have something that they do not have, and that we do have the option that we can give it to them, but if we do give it to them then we will not have it, we will be giving up the taste or the fulfilment, and so even when we are eating that sandwich or chips or sipping on the cool drink, we will simple feel guilty and not give it to the homeless person, we will come up with ALL kinds of reasons and justification to why we didn’t give what we had as a “luxury” to the person in plain sight in need. We will claim we are hungry now and thus we will not share this food, or we need this cool drink because we are now thirsty, so giving becomes a “strange” thing, like it is so natural and we have to fight it, we have to preserve something of ourselves by not giving in those moments and become numb to what’s in our faces to not give.

These are all simple and general points of how we all see and experience the word GIVING, yet, there are some deeper and scarier levels that we are living this word that I myself have not considered till the other day. Now this might not apply as my experience and living as the word giving, but I am sharing and writing this for you the reader to really check for yourself how you are living the word giving in a scary and absurd way that makes no sense, YET, it comes from an Idea of being a good person.

When giving becomes a point of self-sacrificing – there is a point of self-harm and abuse taking place, with even bigger implications behind it.

Let me explain, when giving becomes a point of self-sacrificing, we are not giving to ourselves, we are not caring for ourselves, we are neglecting ourselves, and this is exactly what I have been living, I have been living a form of giving that has NO practical sense within it, yet it comes from a good heart, with good intentions, it has a starting point of what is good, but as we all know, good has a polarity that motivates it, this is the bad side, the negative.

When we are NOT living the word giving to ourselves and understanding giving as an actual living word, and only going on what makes us feel good, then we are in fact only creating more harm, it is as if a broken car with good intentions wants to take a family from one place to another, it will not closely reach its destination and even worse, it will endanger the lives of the family it is transporting, but, with this cars good intentions and good heart and positive drive, it will be able to manipulate the family into trusting it, to climb into the car and to take the car as a point of trust and reliability to move them safely from point A to B, and even the car will believe that it is more than capable of doing this and not see its own faults, even though the car has been deliberately ignoring taking care as giving to itself to make sure it is in tip top conditions – as the car has been over working and sacrificing itself to always GIVE and GIVE and to never let anyone down, as it has defined itself according to its actions, and thus the car believes it can never compromise its actions to take care of itself, because what if there is a family right now that needs a lift, a ride, I can’t take care of myself as I must be ready, I must be there to make sure that I can give to this family what they need, if I am not, I will be a bad person.

So – this must surely expose the initial starting point of the word giving being lived, that I have already defined myself as a bad person, because of past events, because of how I have lived in deceptions and self-dishonesty, and so I have also defined myself already within that by my actions and what I have done and lived, and now giving as the one good thing is another option to regain my self-worth and value, which is a problem, especially when it is done in self-interest, where what I want to receive is to feel good about myself and thus my giving actually has nothing to do with giving and the other person, but only myself, and so I create this addiction to give and give and to actually neglect the negative things that is running me and motivating me to give, which is like a rotten apple rotting more and more and so I give more and more, but the way I am giving is becoming harmful, because it is now becoming so irrational in ways that makes no sense.

For example – I have over many years never complained about the food that is in our house, I always remained quiet and simply ate what was given/made – this was me seeing me as giving, what am I giving? Well I am giving the people that has made the food the satisfaction that all the food they make is good and that I am good with it, thus less worries and work for them to change their cooking, to make their cooking night s easy, this sounds simple right?? But what is the negative effects of this behaviour (and there are many) – first of all, my body isn’t feeling supported, which then effects my work, which then effects my daily living, which then effects my behaviours and reactions, which then effects everything else I do, my entire body – now I know I must complain, but simply communicate about it, but the reason I am doing this, is because I am living the word GIVING in a very irrational way that is connected to my self-value, my self-definition, which is already based in a negative light as self believes I have of myself, and thus the reasoning for me sacrificing myself through how I am giving to those around me, these methods of giving isn’t necessarily through actually physically giving someone an object or something, it is through my behaviours, it is through my habits, it is through my patterns, it is through what I do and do not do how I judge myself in a good light as giving – it is done in secret, it is done in my own little bubble of how I have defined GIVING and how can I live it.

So now everyone is living it this way, and we are all through living giving in our behaviours and habits – even if they harm others, justifying our actions and the outcomes, we can even call this giving the typical thing we all say – I do this because I love you.

This is how people with gambling addictions can justify their actions and behaviours, they have good intentions of gambling and making money and then they can GIVE to their family, to their partner or to themselves and then they can be valued and seen as someone that is good, someone that provides, and the same can go for gangsters and all sorts of other things in the same line, it is done from the living of the word GIVING and it defining us as who we are, yes I mention some extreme cases here – but realize how it goes back to our own daily lives and how we are doing, where good intentions to GIVE even pushes us to do bad things to be able to have something to GIVE to feel better, even if it means being a bad person that is sacrificing themselves to be able to give through their bad actions to those they love.

WE all do these things in small things at home, like dad sacrificing himself at work, or mom, to make money to GIVE to their family and to be a good father or mother.

The point we all need to see is, we need to change WHO we are and not define ourselves to our actions, because we will within this lose ourselves and neglect ourselves and so break down, as the car example. And we need to learn to GIVE to ourselves first, because that will only make us as effective one and equal to others and other things.

So, how do we redefine GIVING/GIVE? And to have something else to live? When we remove our actions defining our ability to give and to then define us?

We must look at the word once again Give-Ing – to give WITHIN – we must give within ourselves, how we give within ourselves. WE must give to ourselves the truth of what is happening within ourselves, we must be honest with ourselves about what is happening within ourselves and to see and realize what is existent within ourselves, within this we must realize to do this we need time for ourselves to be able to actually communicate with our partner or with a pen and paper and to write out, write down our suppressions, our denials, our desires, all the secret things within us that drives us daily and we need to GIVE to ourselves the space and time to work on these things, to really open up the space within ourselves, so we are giving to ourselves within those very acts.

If we do not do this, we will become our suppressions, our denials and our desires, but not in the way we have intended, not in the way that we have hoped to GIVE, it will become something that we will end up with saying BUT HOW, I only wanted the best for YOU, I only wanted to care, I only wanted to love, but now this has happened – a marriage has broken up, a fight has started, a new addiction has occurred, because we have felt so powerless to GIVE as we FEEL to make up for our actual experiences of being in adequate, being useless, being bad people, being born in sin, which is all lies and deceit that has been brainwashed within us since we were young children.

So giving and care for ourselves, to actually GIVE to ourselves we must FORGIVE ourselves for what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves and how we have lived, the true start of any GIVING starts with self-forgiving, but we must first understand and realize why we forgive ourselves, no one else’s forgiveness will give to us as we can give to ourselves – the freedom from what we have defined ourselves as, the freedom from what bounds us to what defines us in secret and in the darkness when we are all alone, to let that go and to actually fix the machine, the car we drive daily, and so our giving that is within will equally reflect outwards and within and without will be one and equal in fact.

Please subscribe and see the second part on the word receiving.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Live the word live and stop the Evil

Postby Gian » 13 Nov 2016, 23:27

The word LIVE - So many times in my life have I seen this word out there, as if it is something I must achieve, to live…. Many times I have confused the word live with a random picture in my mind, this picture is very random and messy, as if living means having no structure, not being disciplined, not being responsible, where I see myself running around with a smile and being happy and just going about life as if I live in a big playground.

With all of that said. I know it is a messy word currently as how I have defined it within myself. I have completely separated the word LIVE from general actions, moments and day to day living. I have placed the word live so far out there that I have actually defined my entire life with, as I have it now as not living, as if I am in a Zombie state, just drifting through every day and doing what is required to be done from me, and then after that soak in a pit of pity, where I am not LIVING the life I want to LIVE.

Where did this Idea come from, this definition of LIVE for me? I am not entirely sure, but it definitely has to do with my childhood years going from just living to now having to fit into school, and the system. But this shows a different point, that being a child and how I lived the word LIVE wasn’t something real either, because if it was real, I would have taken that expression with me no matter where I go, as a matter of who I am and not what I do.

So, first thing I have to do is remove the positive charge as a believe that I have attached to the word LIVE, because this positive charge comes with this image of me being somewhere and something completely different and does not include ALL possible moments and how I can live within all possible moment, may they be “negative” or “positive’.

This takes me to a whole new level of looking at the word LIVE, and how will I be Alive in each and every moment expression ME?

Ok, so now I am opening up another dimension, as you can see I am opening up this post as I write. So bear with me. See here I have another problem, as I wrote down the word ME, something else came up, and who is this ME? Once again it is an idea, believe of me that I have in my mind and this me within my mind as the Ideas/Idols and believes are the same as what I have defined the word LIVE as, so here comes a few points that I have to look at for me to redefine and make the word LIVE practical for ME – haha, ME comes up again.

I have within my mind and IMAGE of me, that holds within it TAGS that I have Labelled myself with as who I am, and thus these tags and labels limits me and who I am, and thus how I live, because these tags as my self-definitions as who I believe I MUST be are there within my mind and my name, as my physical form, everything that I have used to define myself. I have already placed ME within a BOX, and thus I have already SOLD myself to only being able to express myself and LIVE in certain moments that supports my self-definitions as my Ideas and Believes of myself. And thus, I am trapped within LIVING and to be ALIVE.

So, Say I have defined myself as a happy person, then sad situations isn’t for me according to my definition of myself, and I believe that I cannot express myself within sad situations. If I defined myself as a “positive” person then I cannot apparently and according to my self-definitions express myself and live within negative moments.where these moments do not define me or where I keep on creating them.

This shows me that I have defined myself as the ME in a very unpractical way, and thus the word LIVE and how I look at it is very unpractical and thus always against me. And this is something I do not wish to live with, because it makes my life harder without me even noticing it. Especially in a world that is mostly negative, I believe that I cannot express myself, because my expression and who I am and the word LIVE are all placed within a positive light, which will then always seem far out, and way out there, maybe I can live and express me once the world changes. But when is that going to happen?

What if the world will change if I change me in fact first? and thus be that change I want to see in this world, not as a polarity design where I now attempt to be happy and full of positive vibes in negative situation, NO – that isn’t practical either and that’s once again limiting my expression to be positive.

I must redefine the word LIVE for myself, where I can LIVE in each and every moment. And how do I do this? I first of all forgive myself for the definitions and believes and Ideas I have placed onto myself as my tags and labels to my name and image, and I realize that they are NOT real, they are not fact, they are there only because I hold them as that within me as who I believe and see I must be, and as long as I see myself and that I must be this certain self-definition, I am the one creating it, I am responsible, and thus I see and realize that how I then experience my LIFE is a direct outflow of how I have placed myself in my own box of my own self-definition based on the believes and ideas I hold against myself. And so live a very impractical life. Very limited.

LIVE and to LIVE is in each moment – it is who I am within each and every moment, living isn’t limited to a positive or negative moment or position or location I am within, it is a state of being, this being must be HERE in the physical where I decide who I am going to be in each situation, within each scenario, where I place ME as the Author/Authority within me how I am going to experience the moment and how I am thus going to direct it. And not to let the ME as my self-definitions decide it, effect/affect me.

Yes, it is going to take time. But this is how I am going to implement the word LIVE with that definition. Let me repast the definition here: LIVE and to LIVE is in each moment – it is who I am within each and every moment, living isn’t limited to a positive or negative moment or position or location I am within, it is a state of being, this being must be HERE in the physical where I decide who I am going to be in each situation, within each scenario, where I place ME as the Author/Authority within me how I am going to experience the moment and how I am thus going to direct it. And not to let the ME as my self-definitions decide it, effect/affect me.

So – when I wake up, I hold/speak the word LIVE within me, and I remember that definition, that I decide, that I express – and so NO matter what I feel like, or what the situation looks like, I change in the moment, I decide, I want to be here, I want to be pure and clean and open and stable in this morning, and so I do this with each new moment of my day, it will be difficult, because it goes in reverse of what I have been doing, just accepting and allowing the day to unfold, instead of being the Author, I decide this day within each moment, within each scenario and situation who I am going to be.

LIVE can be EVIL in reverse if we do not take breath by breath and moment to moment and change ourselves to who we are satisfied with in each moment for ourselves within the consideration of what’s best for all LIFE, because the best version of me is the best version for ALL/everyone. Not that version of Believes and ideas and all the tags and labels as our names and images. We must set ourselves free and release all positive and negative points from the word LIVE to truly live beyond polarity and to become pure expression of life in the simple moments, the small things all the way to the big. LIVING is HERE and not out there.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Desteni – When your principles are for sale - when shit get's though the real self pops out.

Postby Gian » 15 May 2017, 18:59

LINK - ... e-for.html

A bit about why Desteni is the most difficult message and when do we sell out our principles. both points are related in a strange way.

Why is Desteni the most difficult message in the world to spread and to also give forth to others? In a nutshell, because it isn’t a positive message (according to people’s perception of positive) and it does not fit into anything you have ever heard about or thought possible.

For example the portal, who has ever heard of a portal, a human being that can leave their body and bring through ANYTHING in this existence to communicate and share, and now you can’t even start to imagine what exist here in this existence, what we can see and not see, how much do we NOT see or are even aware of? The portal can bring it through, and thus what comes through and what the messages are, like Reptilian beings, Atlanteans, Jesus or a rock, a blade of grass or animals, name it all and so much more. I mean, imagine now hearing what they all have to share and how we have been brainwashed to belief things, what our perceptions are of reality and how our perception has been shaped and conditioned from birth, we cannot even start to think this is true or real.

Now – I can go into a lot more, but I would suggest you take a moment and read this book THE HISTORY OF DESTENI and do not take my word for it and read the book, it is worth your time, to see what Bernard Poolman has to share on how everything was directed and pushed to what is now today Desteni, the message, the process, the journey, and WHY it is here, to change ourselves, to prepare ourselves for crossing over, to stand as life, and to not only do that BUT to in this life change this world, by becoming active, becoming living examples and taking a stand to stop the abuse that exists here.

What makes Desteni unique and definitely one of a kind is that it provides information that is actual education and that actually empowers a person to understand existence, to understand creation and thus to actually be able to CHANGE self, rebirth self. this isn’t a positive message as what so many groups out there promote (positive messages) or even information that still just share surface points on how we can change ourselves, because that’s what all other groups lack, it is detailed, it is specificity of creation and thus how we can change, the mechanics of LIFE, and what we need to know to really change ourselves aren’t the beautiful things, it is to realize the reality, the real shit that is here as US as who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as for eons of time.

Now, through Desteni you hear about Equality and oneness, you hear and learn about the mind, the body and how everything is programmed, how we have literally come to exist through being designed, and how we have to stop running as robots and rebirth ourselves as life, and this is where it gets really though, the MIND as consciousness which is a tool that has become our master has complete and total control on what exist here, each and every human is a slave of the mind, and we have literally created systems within this world that reflects US as the human and what we have accepted and allowed us to be outwards, and so we are in a Prison within and without, slaves forever, unless we take a path that is in reverse, that actually requires WILL power to walk and not to hope for motivation or automation to do it, which is the Desteni process and message.

Now, people do not want to hear this, people do not want to believe this, people do not even want to give Desteni a chance and immediately run away or fight, a typical fight or flight program of the mind. Then, those who do hear and see the Desteni message tend to FALL, because the mind once again has dominance and the being as the person has NO say.

I have lived through lots of this myself, the mind directing me, my thoughts feelings and emotions being my master, I have walked this process and LIVED it here on the Desteni farm for 9 years now, and I KNOW how hard this is, I know the challenges, and I know knowing is never enough, and living corrections are though.

That’s what giving birth is all about, a labours moment, it is painful, it has struggles, it has blood, it has pain, it has challenges, it has resistance, but once all of that is over a new life is born, and this is what the Desteni process is all about, rebirthing ourselves as life, so that we know who we are always, in this life and form and in death, there must be no difference, obviously only when Death comes can we stand, or if we are willing to leave our bodies by will, then we can know, as what we have as an example as the portal, where the being in the portal can leave her body at will.

Over the past 9 years, we at Desteni with this message, with all the information and Bernard Poolman and a portal, we have over time become quite a group of people standing in principle and walking a process of rebirthing ourselves using the tools that has been provided and thus SHARING ourselves within this journey as supporting ourselves and reaching out to others – this became a big thing on the internet for a while and so we got feedback from others – the feedback was hateful, spiteful and we have been labelled many things, such as being a cult or just another business making money. Bernard Poolman got the most abuse and the Portal, as Bernard Poolman was used as the reason for why Desteni is a cult for example and that he was some guru or leader of the cult.

Then Bernard Poolman passed away in 2013 and basically the VOICE that spread the message the most and penetrating people’s lives went quiet. BUT Desteni is still here today after almost 4 years now. Which in a way proofed every single hater and person that called Desteni a Cult wrong and that they actually just feared the truth, I mean, it is common that we all know people cannot handle the truth and instead fight for lies, so this was an obvious case. BUT these haters caused a lot of harm and damage to individual’s personal lives because of their LIES and spreading of misinformation, financially they harmed some individuals and on an emotional level with their relatives, so who was actually harming? The haters were and are really abusive and they didn’t care at all the abuse they are and were creating as long as they could feel strong and powerful in being RIGHT in proving Bernard Poolman as a Cult leader, harming people, yet they caused ALL the harm and actually started it and instigated it by the very moment as the first time they attached the word CULT to Desteni they immediately inflicted HARM on everyone walking with Desteni – interesting how these people claiming to be good and having good intentions ended up being the only people harming.

So, we faced a lot of conflicts and a lot of attacks came our way just for exposing the truth, the reality of what is here.

Ok, so that is just a bit of background information but not ALL of it, to find out more I would suggest visiting the Desteni forums and get on board with checking things out for yourself.
Back to the current blog and why Desteni is the most difficult message and why it is difficult to reach people.

Besides it not being a positive message but a truth of what is here, Desteni does not promote ANY profit gain for those that join and walk with. And this is thus another negative, as most people in this world do EVERYTHING for themselves and making money in some way, check it out, people will go out of their way to make a social platform grow, or to support a new upcoming group or movement as long as there is a promise of making money somewhere in there, suddenly people are motivated, suddenly people want to see it succeed, because they will personally profit and make money, and this is the difference with Desteni and all other platforms, We are not making promises or anything for anyone to make money, so people leave, because self-change just isn’t enough, changing this world isn’t enough to motivate a person, money plays a BIG role in the brainwashing and control within this world. Especially with how things are moving within this world, people will give up their principles to rather start moving and directing themselves for money, where there is a possible investment for self-profit.

This is why Desteni has been seeing a decline in growth and movement, because it is proofing the brainwashing and control that exist within everyone, where money direct, where money has the power, where people can change their principle and stance for a few more pennies, that’s what Judas did to Jesus, so it is very interesting to see how money can change anything and everyone, even when it means selling out LIFE.

Let me take this further – when people join positive groups that give positive messages for change like Depack Chopra or Eckhart Tolle, or even Osho, they are more than willing to openly support them because even their messages are a possible way of making more money in their lives, or helping with relationships and thus money, where Desteni says, shit is going to get real, you are going to face yourself, you are going to have to be financially stable and walk your process for a moment where probably nothing in your life will improve, because you are now getting fucking real, Desteni isn’t a positive message and self-interest and self-gain isn’t part of the message, it is always about self as what is best for all life, it is about actually changing and becoming an effective human being, not an effective money making machine or relationship guru as people hope and dreams for.

Desteni do not support self-interest and thus reaching people is SOO difficult, because what brainwashed human being cares about anything more than their own survival, their own money, their own relationships, and giving all of that up to stand as LIFE (now giving up here does not mean literally, but internal to not be controlled by the designs).

So, as the world runs towards an economic crisis (constantly) and politics are frightening people and everything is becoming more and more cramped, the nature of the human as self-interest overwrites principle as if the principle never existed, and this is exposing even more how fucked we are actually and controlled by the mind and slaves to these systems and designs, and just proves how programmed we are in FEAR – just like how Jesus was betrayed for a few silver coins by Judas as Judas gave money and fear a change instead of LIFE.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

My Desteni Process – Thoughts aren’t natural

Postby Gian » 23 May 2017, 23:55

LINK - ... arent.html

Thoughts aren’t natural, this can be something difficult to grasp, but it isn’t really that farfetched when we take a closer look at what thoughts are and what their actual impact are on the physical.

Like when we burn coal to generate energy, thoughts are similar, when we think or go into thought, we are in fact taking something real of the physical and we are burning it, using the resources to generate energy to run certain systems, may it be a T.V or a radio, or a fridge, some are practical, but for most of the things it is for pure entertainment or indulgence. The earth is suffering for this, for example, the same is happening within us, with thoughts and thinking. We are burning energy to entertain a world/reality in our mind that literally does not exist, these thoughts have further outflows of energy use, we then (after the thoughts/thinking) usually experience feelings and emotions, have a certain experience within us, which then requires even more resources to burn to generate the energy and thus to keep the emotions and feeling stimulated, thus we will have a never ending cycle of thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions, all generating energy through burning resources. The resources the thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are burning are our flesh.

Now, we have a lot of indicators that show us how unnatural thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are, such as headaches, sometimes very specific headaches to show us what thinking we are participating within if we understand the points the body is indicating to us. Then we have even more indicators, such as our illnesses, diseases, and mental addictions. We have even more evidence on a global scale, which is the global state, the state in which the world is. The state in which the world is a direct result of thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions, and it is pretty fucked up. I mean, wow, we have been and only been using thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions throughout history to direct us to give us guidance, to give us purpose, and here we are, just take a look what exist for BILLIONS of beings, I mean the human LIVING, and how we live on this planet goes against ANYTHING natural on/of this planet. Do you still think thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are natural? Then ask yourself this, why aren’t you living with nature, in nature, why do you not know anything about nature? Why is the nature of the human destroying nature? What is the thing we have apparently that makes us better? A mind which thinks and has thoughts and that generates feelings and emotions – I mean if we were really intelligent then we should have noticed this a long time ago, the mind as thinking as thoughts feelings and emotions aren’t natural as it literally directs us to do everything that is unnatural and destroys the natural world.

Now, I have had a personal experience a couple of years ago as I was walking my daily self-forgiveness where I one day did so much self-forgiveness on the re-occurring patterns I was living as depression, being gloomy and doomy and always carrying burdens with me, I did some intense self-forgiveness on the specific points, the beliefs and ideas and opinions I had within myself. On that particular day I decided enough, this has to stop and I meant it within myself that it is time for a change. The following day I woke up with a BASHING headache, it was intense, this headache was in the front of my head, it was pounding and heavy, every time I would move my head it felt like my brain was hitting my skull on the inside, I tried to think about a headache and what it could be, but as soon as I started thinking, my head hurt even more, so all I could do was sit down and breathe.

I sat down and breathed for a couple of minutes while focussing inside myself and NOT thinking, then a thought popped up in my head about what I need to still do today, this thought immediately activated another headache, which was located in my temples area on my head, as this thought was presenting a belief I had about what I still had to do today and how I am going to experience myself all day, so now my head was in serious trouble. I at and breathed a lot more, for about another ten minutes, my headaches started going away, it calmed down as I was calm and breathing within me, there were no thoughts, no feelings or emotions within me after about 15min, and the headaches were almost gone, I could easily stand up and continue with my day, but 15 seconds later I had a thought and BAM!!! A headache was back, but this time it was located at the back of my head, it felt like a pounding headache, and my temples were also heavy, this was really fascinating shit, and this continued for TWO WEEKS – I could not participate in thoughts, thinking or feelings or emotions.

As soon as I did I had immediate headaches and pain, each time in specific areas of my head depending on what thought, what thinking I was activating and going into, and the only way to stop a headache was to stop the thoughts/thinking and thus the feelings and emotions.

These two weeks were the best days of my process and walking myself into correction as I was unable to go into thoughts/thinking I had NO choice but to simply live direct, to act and to D, to not think or ponder or to go into thoughts, I had to live HERE in the physical, I broke and changed every single habit and pattern I was in as if it was nothing due to not having a choice because I could NOT think or go into thoughts and thus NOT go into any experiences, and thus no experience could decide for me what I must or must not do, I could be here and act, and in fact each time I acted the headaches got lighter and went away, it was like I had a compass of correction within me to be physical. After two weeks I got out of the patterns and habits that kept me in this dark place for a couple of months and I was amazed how thinking/thoughts could cause so much pain on the physical – I had the opportunity for two weeks to experience the pain thoughts/thinking causes the body and I now know that even when I am not aware, each and every thought/thinking feeling and emotion impacts the body and has great consequences on the physical body and my LIFE and thus everyone else’s LIFE.

I mean, imagine how and what we are doing to the earth, do we think we are NOT harming the earth or causing pain to create and generate energy? How to use that energy and for what? It all matters and as we know, as within so without. Thus we can see outside of ourselves as a mirror reflection what exist within us and it isn’t pretty at all…

Investigate Desteni, start your writing process of self-forgiveness, stop your thoughts feelings and emotions and start LIVING.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

You will not wish to hurt or destroy or kill - Desteni Process

Postby Gian » 04 Jun 2017, 20:33

Blog Link - ... oy-or.html

“You will not wish to hurt or destroy or kill, for the creatures are your creations; they are your sons, your brothers, and you will love them as I do.”

Quote from: Translation of Tablet found in Gobi Desert

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish for destruction, for killing and murder within this world, where by the fact that it exists and that I am not doing anything to stop anything of it, I am thus in the wish of it, and that reveals my self-interest as I wish this upon others and yet wish in return that I am not harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish for others human being to die which I deem as not worthy of life or forgiveness due to acts they have done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that those that are in power positions within this world would die so that life on earth can have a chance, Thus within this wish I am a killer myself, harming as they do and thus guilty as those I judge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbour wishes within me of death to others within this world that I have judged within my mind, within my secret self as being abusers, and yet I deem myself not an abuser even when I have these wishful thoughts of murder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if certain people die within this world that the world will be a better place, and so I wish for death, killing and destruction within this world, as the practical implication of my wish means riots, striking, and thus group mentality where people rise up in anger and become violent and thus harm, kill, murder and destroy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish for others to die or be killed within the self-interest of that if they are killed before I am then I am save.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE that killing, murder and destruction of other beings on this planet is normal, that it is just something that happens and takes place due to human nature, and so within this accept and allow human nature to continue without change within this believe, yet I am able to acknowledge my nature and thus I am able to change my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when and as I have thoughts, pictures and thinking occurring in my head for a moment of killing, destruction and murder or harm that it is innocent and that it has now effect on this reality, yet this reality is a direct reflection of who I am and what I accept and allow within me and thus I must be able to see that MY wish is MY command, even when I am not doing the things I have going on in my mind, LIFE is HERE and hearing and I am god, and Life as me is making my wishes come true, and thus I must stop, breath and forgive myself, to rebirth myself as LIFE as what is best for all life as myself so that I as life rather create what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Separate myself from the creatures that are here from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the creatures as all life forms that are here as separate from me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to even consider that what is here is MY creation and that me wishing to harm, kill or destroy what is here in any way what so ever is me seeking to destroy, harm and kill myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see what is here as MINE as life as all as one and equal in fact and that what is here on earth is MINE equal as it is everyone’s and everything’s as we are one and equal in fact and thus all equally responsible as GOD as LIFE as myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize that creation as what is here is all mine, I am it and it is me in fact, that I am god as all and everyone is god, and thus what is here is me and not separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation is possible, yet only in the mind is it possible, and thus easy to harm and kill and destroy what is here as I am not HERE as all that is here and thus not seeing and realizing that I am only harming myself, killing myself, destroying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see what is here as me in fact and within doing so I am able to abuse and misuse what is here within the justifications and reasoning of the mind of separation and fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize to LOVE all that is here is within my actions, my living and that to love all that is here is to love myself, that there is no separation and how I care for myself is thus how I care for all life one and equal in the living, in the flesh, and that no matter what is done or said, that I stand clear, that I do not stand in separation of those harming, destroying or killing, but that they are ME in fact and that I must help them as I would help myself in fact.

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