Andrew's Journey To Life

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 18 Oct 2012, 06:26

Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-162/

Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections

When and as I see myself participating with my “Imagination Dimension” of my postponement character where I am imagining myself as a changed being and what that will be like and in this imagining also experiencing the feelings and energies and experiences associated with this mental imagining of myself as a change being, I Stop and I bring myself Here. I see/realize/understand that this “Imagining” within myself is a future projection and not in fact who I am really am HERE in the moment, and thus I Commit myself to develop a relationship with who I really am and what is here in every moment so to never exaggerate or distort “who I am” through by going off into mental projections within and as my mind, specifically here in relation to this point/my postponement character of me being “a changed being” And so to in this Align myself with HERE as who I really am and stop existing in my imagination dimension of a Character so that in Aligning myself to HERE in and as the physical I can actually in having my attention HERE, focus on becoming more effective/specific within my moment to moment expression/application of myself within assisting and supporting myself to change, a point that is neglected/overlooked and ultimately sabotaged due to me getting “caught up” in my mental imagining projection of Me instead of the Real Me HERE and thus Remaining HERE with me and in this Facing Me and not allowing myself to just “create some fictitious idea of me” as a form of escape from the Actual ME, but instead Face me and Assisting and Support me to Live Effectively so that I do not want/need/require to escape from me.



I commit myself to reference My HERE and My Actual Self HERE as the Feedback I utilize to assist and support myself to refine and form my Daily Self Application where in I measure the physical results of my actual application of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application in brutal self honesty not making it/me more or less than who/what I really am / I am living as but to Align myself with a Direct Assessment of cause and effect of my Actual physical living application in relation to my degree of change where in I in this develop an effective disciplined application of consistency that in applying myself within daily will have the result of Actual Self Support, thus, self change.



I see/realize/understand that when I see myself in and as my imagination dimension as a changed being where I am standing in front of a crowd where I am “innocent” due to me living in a self honest way, that this does not mean that I am self honest or have changed. I see/realize/understand that to in fact get that point that I exist within in my imagination may take years, and also is ultimately not a “real point” as the mind always distort the actual practical physical reality, and so thus I when and as I see myself imagining this image/scene of me as “a self changed being standing in front of a crowd feeling really good about myself and feeling stable” I stop and I bring myself back here – out of the imagination and placing my attention back HERE, I see/realize/understand that it is not necessary to imagine me as a self changed being but that I CAN actually Live this for myself and thus I commit myself to make LIVING my application of Self Change my Focus, In this Living HERE as I see that if I am Living HERE and applying myself in an effective way that will bring about Self Change within a common sensical step by step process, then there is not need or requirement to go into the mind and imagine myself as a self changed being, to imagine me as something that I am not willing to live, and so thus I commit myself to Align myself to in fact LIVING Self Change Daily where I never have to imagine the results but simply remain here assisting and supporting myself in Aligning my Self Expression/Application in a way that bring forth results as the ACTUAL FEEDBACK of and as myself in applying myself in a specific way.



I see/realize/understand that results can never be faked and that no matter how hard and long I imagine results, if I do not walk the necessary physical steps that produce the result, it will never be here as Me, and so thus I commit myself to Step out of my imagination dimension of and as a Character and Align myself to practical physical living.

When and as I see myself participating within my imagination dimension, where I am imagining me “posting my writings online that are the wake of a changed being where in this I feel happy, relieved, satisfied and strong” I stop and bring myself back here and look within myself within and as the question, “Is my writing application effective that it will in fact assist and support me to see/realize/understand myself and develop effective self awareness so to actually support me to live to my utmost potential and facilitate this process of me of Birthing Myself as Life in and as the Physical in Equality and Oneness with what is Here? And so in this Question remind myself of the vastness of myself and all the various dimensions as universes that exist within and as me and so in this realizing the extent of the self writings that I actually must practically physically walk in space time daily to in fact “Get to the bottom of me” and so in this I commit myself to Align myself with the Actual Necessary “Writing Process” that facilitate the “Getting to the Bottom of Me” / and Me knowing myself as Man Know thyself as all the dimensions and networks and the entire existence that is me.

TBC…

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 19 Oct 2012, 06:02

The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-163/


This Blog is a continuation of the following blog posts

Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162

Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161

Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

I commit myself to face myself and not accept and allow myself to step into my postponement character where I in and as this character accept and allow myself to distract myself and procrastinate and essentially NOT do that which I require to do to actually support me in my process of self change.



When and as I see myself participating within and as my imagination dimension where I am imagining myself as a changed being, playing out scenarios within my mind where I am this “amazing changed being” I stop and I bring myself here back to breath and back to self here in and as my physical body. I commit myself to push through that point of postponement. That point as that ‘wall’ I face/experience in and as me when “I have had enough of supporting myself” and “just don’t feel like anymore” so that in just pushing myself through this initial wall of resistance to applying myself within my writing process I in fact walk the necessary practical application to in fact assist and support me to birth myself as life from/as the physical, and within this to realize that I can only trust who I am in the moment and that no “amazing being” actually exsit as it does in my mind in my imagination dimension and so thus I commit myself to Align MYSELF with who I am practically HERE in and as the moment, and get out of the “imagination dimension” of self where “who I am” is never real. And in this I get to know MYSELF for real, who I really am, as the simplicity of me in the moment.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am facing/standing before a moment where I am about to write as a point of assisting and supporting myself to develop self insight and understanding and awareness of me, that I accepted and allowed myself to avert my attention off into my mind into thoughts/pictures and also my imagination where I will go “anywhere but here” to avoid having to direct myself in my self writing.



I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to direct myself into my mind and my imagination when I am facing/standing before a moment/task of Self Writing to assist and support myself within my process of getting to know myself, where I would start scanning my mind as the pictures in my mind of “something else to do” where I could just entertain and occupy myself or start imagining in my mind me in some complete other scenario, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself HERE and I Direct Myself to Begin my Task, as I see/realize/understand that the more I accept and allow myself to participate in my mind as thought/picture as well as my imagination dimension imagining me doing something else, that in doing this I am only making the resistance more and the “thing itself” more difficult by simply not just stopping with the postponing of the doing of the task and to thus simply Direct myself to start immediately doing the first initial step that is required of me to get myself into the point and get the point moving as sometimes its that first step that is the “most difficult” and at times I simply must PUSH myself through that initial ‘front’ of resistance.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/exist within my imagination dimension of my postponement character where in I will actually imagine myself in my process of self writing where for instance I will be at work and imagining myself at home when “I finally can get to my writing” and I imagine all the points I will write about and how nice it will be and going into this point in my mind thinking and imagining about me supporting myself within writing, where then when I finally face that moment of actually doing it, my experience of me is not the same as it was when I was only imagining me doing and in fact it is quite different and then I often end up going into resistance because what I imagine in my mind and what I actually do in REAL LIFE are never the same, and so thus



I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align myself with ACTUAL REAL DOING, and so thus when and as I see myself thinking or/and imagining myself supporting myself within writing when I am for instance at work, and or in the car, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back HERE. I see/realize/understand that me imagining myself writing and me ACTUALLY Writing is NEVER the same and that what I require to do is Align myself with MY Actual REAL process of writing and working with this and getting effective at the actual process of directing myself/moving myself to write in/on a consistent basis, and that to participate within my imagination within and around this point in terms of me imagining me writing, only creates an Illusory perception of “what it will be like” but that it is Never like that as the rules of the imagination and the rules of the Actual Physical Process of Doing is completely different, and so thus I commit myself to Align myself as my Self Relationship with Practical Physical Doing, and thus so within and as my writings to work with the Actual Process of Writing as thee point of reference for me to see how I can effectively move/direct myself to write on a daily basis in a way that assist and support me practically, realizing that to imaging myself writing only creates a delusional perception of what it will be like that if anything only makes it more difficult when I actually face that Direct Physical Moment when it is time to write.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 20 Oct 2012, 04:31

BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-164/

Back-Chat Dimension – Postponement Character



I can’t do this



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement “I can’t do this” where in I make this statement within and as my back-chat dimension and in doing this convince myself to stop what ever it is I am doing and push it aside.



I’m to tired



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words within myself “I’m to tired” as the “back-chat” I use to attempt to manipulate myself to hide from facing myself or attempting to avoid something that I know I should be doing like assisting and supporting myself within my writing process, where I will make the statement “I’m to tired” yet in the next moment go and doing something else which is showing me that I am “too tired” as in the very next moment I am doing something else and not experiencing / existing in the point of tiredness that was apparently preventing me from Directing Myself in a way where I am Consistent in Giving Direction to and Facing my Responsibilities.



I don’t have it in me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words inside myself as back-chat “I don’t have it in me” or “I just don’t have it in me” when I am faced with a moment of resistance towards doing/starting or continuing with a practical task that is required to be done that is integral to Supporting me to become effective within my Living in and as my process of self support and learning to live effectively in a way that is Aligned with Self Responsibility, oneness and equality and what is best for all.



I’m exhausted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I’m exhausted” within myself after I get home from work and am faced with the point of doing my necessary self supportive writings and tasks to support me to become effective within my Living, where in this I accept and allow myself to manipulate myself through by speaking such back-chat within me repeatedly where an “inner battle” ensues within me in regards to “what I now must do” as my practical tasks/responsibilities, and that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within MY Back-chat actually Sabotage Myself/My Life where in I end up “giving in” to the mind and/as the back-chat and instead of stabilizing myself within an effective consistent application of Actual Self Support that assist me in becoming more effective in my Living, I within “giving in” to the mind “step into my postponement character where I then am living the statement and agree with the statement “I’m exhausted” and that I have not realized that bit by bit this acceptance and allowance accumulates over time into a repeated pattern where I then find myself at a point where the past days/weeks/months/years have been squandered due to me accepting and allowing myself to exist as “Characters” and particularly here my “Postponement Character” where in doing this I am essentially still at exactly the same point I was before with no movement in my process and my process of self change in changing my living to effective living in support of what is best for all.



There is no way I can do that tonight



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “there is no way I can do that tonight” as the ultimate finality statement I speak within my back-chat to attempt to find a justification and excuse that I will buy into and not Direct me Daily and Consistently in a practical structured way that within doing will end up accumulating as a pattern/consequence of self support and effectiveness. A point I have denied myself in my life and one way I have done this is by existing within and as my postponement character as one of the primary characters that I exist as within my life where this character became a character that I participated with/existed within allot which became like an Escape Route I could take to not face myself and Sabotage myself within my process of actually stopping my mind and standing up and taking responsibility for myself within my life and changing/Aligning me to stand within a Disciplined Consistent Application that was/is best for all and is an example of how life should be lived. A point which I Sabotaged within myself through by existing/participating with and accepting and allowing myself to control myself through the various Character Dimensions which at this point I have referenced the fear, thought, imagination and now back-chat dimensions of my Postponement Character.



I will put that off for tonight because I did it last night



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I will put that off for tonight because I did it last night” as a way to manipulate myself to “give into the mind” and just do something I want to do as opposed to ensuring DAILY Consistently that I walk/live my daily requirements that I have laid out for myself in a common sense consideration of what I have assessed I require to walk Daily to in fact effectively assist and support myself to Live to my Utmost potential where I am in fact taking advantage of each moment I have as an opportunity to direct myself/live in a way that is best for all and stop letting my life/word pass by as I sit in and as my postponement character speaking back-chat statements as excuses so to not have to get up off my ass and direct myself in a way that is actually Best for me and Can Stand as a Living Example of Effective Living. I point that I still must prove to myself through Consistent and Disciplined Self Responsibility Living Done in Self Honesty.



I don’t need to do that tonight



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat “I don’t need to do that tonight” where in I speak such a statement night after night after night in a way where I will marginalize a task or simply POSTPONE a task until the last minute through speaking such a seemingly common place innocent statement within my mind as “I don’t need to do that tonight” instead of actually challenging myself to get things done Directly instead of just skimming by on doing the minimum where this ends up being the foundation of my Self Application which ultimately lead to no where and I end up days/weeks/months/years down the road at exactly the same point by accepting and allowing myself to rather push things back and postpone things that I in fact Could Do Now, but “don’t have to” or “I don’t need to do that tonight” instead of taking a more “pro-active” approach where I Direct myself to Do things when they come up in the moment and not postpone them to the last minute because technically they are not due then, and so to instead direct me to do things when they come up in the moment.



I have done enough



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I speak the back-chat statement within myself of “I have done enough” when ever I reach a point where I have done my daily responsibilities and then resistance starts to come up, that I haven’t realized that I in those moments have walked myself to a point/opportunity where I can actually expand myself through by willing myself to walk into that which/where I would normally stop and so “always stay at the same point” where in I have limited myself within speaking the back-chat statement within myself “I have done enough” and also have never asked myself why I “fight” to stay the same instead of moving myself to actually expand and become more effective where for instance I would not go into such a statement “I have done enough” but would be aware of the consequence of either submitting/giving into/ accepting such a statement as “I have done enough” which is the consequence of never expanding me or the consequence of pushing/directing myself through such moments which is me in fact practicing and learning to be able to handle more and expanding my ‘capaicty’ so to speak, and thus within seeing the consequence of walking through such moments of resistance where that particular back-chat statement “I have done enough” comes up – I simply move myself through such a back-chat statement, not participate with it and stick with the task at hand.



I will do it tomorrow



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat phrase within myself “I will do it tomorrow” and to actually live by this statement, making it the guiding principle of my life of postponement and self sabotage. Where in by living by such a statement and trodding the path of “ I will do it tomorrow” so much that I have ended up disempowering myself and literally walking myself into and supporting me in depression and experiences of emotional turmoil, where this statement of “I will do it tomorrow” has been a statement I have followed instead of bothering to Stand UP and remove any such Mind back-chat statements and Correct Myself within Rescripting myself within my Process of Self Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application, and in this process Re-Structuring The Living Words that are me so that it no more support the Mind and in essence what I have experienced/found to be Self Destruction.



I don’t have enough time



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I don’t have enough time” not see/realizing/understanding that if I just skipped this step of thinking I don’t have enough time, and speaking such a statement within myself and worrying about it, and simply Directed myself immediately into the tasks/points I required to direct that I would be more effective within my Life, and where what I have found is that when ever I end up getting myself into the task that I apparently “don’t have enough time for” that I realize I do have enough time and often more than I require to actually finish the task and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust such a back-chat statement of/as “I don’t have enough time” and that I haven’t simply disengaged this internal back-chat statement from within me and just stick to Directing myself immediately in the tasks which are required to be directed.



I don’t want to do this right now



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the back-chat statement “I don’t want to do this right now” I see/realize/understand that this statement is based on “the life that I created for myself as the mind” where as I Start standing up and Assisting and Supporting me within my daily writings and practical self responsibilities for daily living, that I actually resist doing this and thus when I make such a statement “I don’t want to do this right now” that I am impLYING that I don’t want to Support Me in Continuing to Practice Effective Living.



I really don’t feel like it



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with/exist as/speak within myself the back-chat statement “I really don’t feel like it” as a way to manipulate myself to stop practically supporting myself within a Self Supportive Application which I see/realize/understand is related to the point that I have Defined/Programmed myself to Live in Self Interest and more Aligning myself with the mind and doing what supports the mind where now I am deliberately Directing me to Do what is best for ALL which includes me and thus Best for ME and actually Re-Align my Living to Effective Self Responsible living and so am essentially re-programming myself and so within statement “I really don’t feel like it” I am simply facing that point of “Mind Resistance” where I must will myself to continue due to me having to push through my pre-programming which would normally just “do something to support the mind” instead of Living Doing that which is in fact Best for All and Best for me and would in fact Support Effective Living





This is too Hard



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words within me “this is too hard” and to within such words manipulate myself to just “get through and done with” the point I am walking, like wanting to get it over with where in I in doing this have accepted and allowed myself to become manipulated by my back-chat where even though I did not stop the task I still ended up rushing to get through it which is indicating that I am still accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the back-chat statements that are coming up within me as I am walking a task, and so see here the point is to remain stable and ensure I am walking here with myself at the pace of the physical in and as breath, not “talking myself into” rushing through and getting done with the task through continuously speaking back-chat statements within myself such as “this is too hard”



Finally – Now I can stop.



I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “finally I can stop now” which is an indication that I was/am “rushing to the finish line” and thus am just wanting to get done and over with what it is I am doing, instead of actually being HERE within the task I am walking and also if/when I am pushing through resistance to the task. I see, realize and understand that the point is not rush and push through a point, but to remain Stable and Calm and Consistent within my writing /facing/walking of a point.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 21 Oct 2012, 07:50

Postponement – Back-Chat Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 165
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-165/

This is a continuation of the following blogs

BackChatAttack - Self Forgiveness - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164

The Resistance Before I Write - Postponement Character - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163

Postponement Character - Imagination Dimension - Self Corrections - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162

Imagination Dimension - Postponement Character - Imagining Myself as Changed - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161

Postponement Character - Thought Dimension - Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character - Fear Dimension - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

Self Corrections on Back-Chat Dimension

I can’t do this

I commit myself to ensure that I actually practically investigate the points/tasks I am working with and no more accepting and allowing myself to just go with the back-chat within me of and as “I can’t do this” where I simply go with that route and just drop the task/point I am faced with. I see that it would be more effective to look at the point/task practically to see if I am in fact able to do it/walk it and also to ensure that my “decision” is based on Actual Physical Feedback, where for instance in my back-chat I will agree with my back-chat without actually testing the point for myself in my reality through by applying myself consistently within the point for the necessary amount of time to determine if the point is feasible or not, particularly when I am “not certain” if I am able to walk the point or not and thus within this Aligning my Decision Making on Practical Doing instead of back-chat that that I “automatically accept” without in fact investigating a point/task practically physically with my own 2 hands.

I’m to tired

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to not “go into” or “participate” with the back-chat statement of/as “I am too tired” as I see/realize/understand that this is a point of Self Manipulation that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and thus Limit myself from actually walking effectively in every moment, in being able to move myself into a practical physical application of effective self support where I am in fact walking in my utmost potential in every moment, particularly within my writing/reading process in relation to working with myself within the Desteni Material where I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility in various moments during my day, particularly in the morning and evenings where I am more willing to “accept” this statement of “I am too tired” as ‘viable’ back-chat. And so thus I commit myself to see/realize/understand the amount of opportunities I “give up on me” in, due to using/accepting this back-chat statement “I am too tired”

I don’t have it in me

I commit myself to investigate what it is that I would rather be doing when and as I speak the back-chat statement “I don’t have it in me” and within this to investigate the wants/needs/desires that I have within me when I speak such a back-chat statement as the “trigger point” for me to stop what I am doing and “do what it is that ‘I’d like to be doing’” or to simply not even start the task before me, and so thus here to also investigate and understand the relationship my ‘postponement character’ has in terms of the wants/needs/desires that I as my postponement character have accepted as having more value than actually supporting me to do/stand as what is best for all which is what is best for me.

I’m exhausted

I see/realize/understand that I have over the years abused this statement of “I am exhausted” where I have spoken these words inside myself when I have not in fact been “exhausted. Also I see how the nature of using such a statement of “I am exhausted” is more to stop myself from taking responsibility for myself in a practical way and is thus used as a point of manipulation where in speaking this back-chat I do so in attempt to “make it real” and so I commit myself to when and as I see myself speaking or wanting to speak the back-chat “I am exhausted” within myself that I immediately stop and simply focus on the practical task at hand here in and as the physical. In this I assist and support myself to stay “out of the mind” and Align myself to Practical Physical Living which I see is not supported by me speaking the back-chat “I am exhausted” within myself which I see is in fact me as the mind speaking such a statement and is thus oriented to the mind which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as for so long where now I am Assisting and Supporting myself to orient me/ my living to and as the Physical where I see that this statement I have spoken to myself through the years of “Im Exhausted” can no more be trusted as it was spoken in relation to and understood within the context of the Mind which I am now assisting and supporting myself to stop.

There is no way I can do that tonight

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align Myself to Doing as a Physical Direct Doing within and during my Day, and when it comes to walking my practical Self Responsibilities related to process such as writings, readings ect… that I Direct/Move myself immediately in and as the physical in and as Breath as a practical application where I am simply “cutting out” the entire back-chat that ensures within me in relation to walking my practical daily tasks. So the point here is to instead of even going into my back-chat or when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to give space to my back-chat to exist within me and I stop immediately and Direct myself at the task/point that I require to direct by simply moving myself in the next step/steps that are required to be physically taken to complete the task at hand.

I will put that off for tonight because I did it last night

I commit myself to assist and support myself to within and as Self Honesty, Identify the practicality of the assessments that I make with regards to my practical scheduling for each night, and to also investigate that “moment” I reach where I decide to “do it tomorrow” and to investigate/see/realize/understand how I have created such a moment/crossroads within myself where I see this kind of “split between 2 worlds” the worlds of “having to do something and wanting to do something” where these 2 worlds are in conflict with each other, and that I have within myself created a kind of management equation to determine what do and how much I do within my day in terms of “practical responsibilities” vs “entertainment” etc.

I don’t need to do that tonight

I commit myself to investigate why and how it is that I have designed myself to not do what is in fact best for me and that when ever I am moving/directing myself in a practical self responsible way that my back-chat kick up and attempt to divert me from Practical Self Responsible Self Direction. Also I commit myself to Will Myself to Remain Stable within Practical Self Responsible Self Direction where when and as I see myself starting to go into such back-chat as for instance “I don’t have to do that tonight” to see/realize/understand that this is pre-programmed back-chat that does NOT support me within Aligning Myself With and Walking Practically Self Responsibly and so I stop participating with such back-chat and assert myself to continue walking/living in a Practical Self Responsible way that is best for all and not accept and allow myself to sabotage my Transformation of myself from “doing exactly what my back-chat suggests” to in fact Directing Myself in a Practical Self Responsible way where I am considering everyone Equally within my Actions, and Doing what is required to be done to Align Myself with what is Best For ALL.

I have done enough

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that to actually challenge myself is Self Supportive and to do this by Living by Principles and Commitments I make to myself within a practical consideration of how I am able to Daily Support myself in a consistent way that I will have an accumulative consequence of Self Support within and as What is best for all.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that if I in those moments where I speak or want to speak such back-chat as “I have done enough”, Remain Here in and as breath and move myself to apply myself in a way where I am stepping beyond that point of “I have done enough” that I will support myself tremendously to develop my ability/capacity to Remain Here in every breath until I am in fact HERE in every breath, no more accepting and allowing myself to be Directed by Back-Chat to tell/indicate to me what to do and when to do it and who I am within a particular moment scenario.

I will do it tomorrow

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the back-chat statement of “I will do it tomorrow” is a back-chat statement I speak to myself when and as I am facing resistance within practically applying myself in a self responsible way. And so in such moments, I commit myself to breathe and walk through such resistance points where when I am facing such moments of resistance to instead of “going into my back-chat” to simply practice directing me to Remain HERE in and as the physical in and as breath, in and as Physical Dimension and practice and become Effective and Specific and Skilled at Moving/Living/expressing myself within the physical within and as my/this practical physical reality in a way that is always best for all and Aligned with Supporting Life/Living in Equality and Oneness where I do unto another what I would like done unto me and I give as I would like to receive.

I don’t have enough time

I commit myself to Aligning myself and Directing Myself to Move and Express me immediately and Consistently within the practical tasks I take on. I see, realize and understand that if I keep stopping what I am doing and “thinking about it” by going into my back-chat dimension, that I am essentially wasting time from the perspective that I could in fact actually finish / complete a task in less time if I Discipline myself to walk through tasks from beginning to end without accepting and allowing back-chat to interrupt me and or interfere with my consistent constant application of myself in walking/directing myself through my practical tasks.

And thus I commit myself to practice taking on a task/tasks and walking them from beginning to end straight through in and as breath without unnecessarily stopping in where I will go into back-chat, this is not to say that I will not stop the task or have breaks but is more a point of seeing how I unnecessarily participate within back-chat as I am walking tasks that I could actually walk straight through from beginning to end as a application of self discipline and practical effectiveness.

I don’t want to do this right now

I see/realize/understand that within assisting and supporting myself to transform myself in my application from self sabotage and self abuse to self support that I will have to walk that which “I don’t want to do right now” as I see that I have abused and sabotaged myself within accepting and allowing myself to follow the back-chat statement “I don’t want to this right now” where in I in a way escaped into this statement through by not Directing me to not participate in this statement and actually Directing Myself in a way/in that which I see/realize/understand would be Practical and Self Supportive. And thus I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to follow a statement that has proven to only support me within self abuse and self sabotage, and to thus instead realign myself with pushing through/directing myself through such a statement and walking that which I see/realize/understand would Practically Support me to become more effective within my Daily Living, but that I had previously accepted and allowed myself to not do for myself due to having accepted and allowed myself to participate and obey the back-chat statement “I don’t want to do that/this right now”

I really don’t feel like it

I see/realize/understand that the back-chat statement “I really don’t feel like it” is based on living according to feeling/energy instead of practical responsibility and thus when and as I see this statement coming up within me I stop and I breath and I remain here in and as Principled Living to assist and support myself to Walk/Live the Principle of and as What is Best for ALL to restore Dignity and Respect to Life, that has been ignored/denied/annihilated by/through the current world of war/suffering/poverty/anger/hatred/racism/ elitism/ egoism/ that we have manifested through by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate with and align our living to the statement of “I don’t really feel like it”

This is too Hard

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that when and as I speak the statement within me “this is too hard” I am actually manipulating myself, and thus I commit myself to when and as I speak the statement or see the statement starting to come up “its to hard” to actually look at the task before me and see if in fact “it is too hard” or if this is simply a point of self manipulation .

Finally – Now I can stop.

I commit myself to when and as I am taking on a task and/or starting a task to ensure that I walk that task consistently from beginning to end, and within to focus on breathing and remaining stable and CONSTANT within my application of myself within the task from beginning to end, and thus direct me to move at a slow consistent constant stable pace step by step, treating each moment and/as each step equal and one the same with the utmost care and attention not deviating from this point of treating each step/moment equal and in this moving myself in a stable constant manner in each and every moment, including the completing/walking of practical tasks/projects/etc.

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Rozelle de Lange
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Rozelle de Lange » 21 Oct 2012, 08:12

Cool self-support Andrew.

Thanks for sharing.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 24 Oct 2012, 06:11

Experience of Heaviness in Postponement (Self Corrections) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 167
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-167/

Postponement Character – Reaction Dimension SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 166

Postponement – Back-Chat Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 165

BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164

The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163

Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162

Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161

Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

Reaction – Emotion/Feeling/Experience Dimension

So here I am looking at the Reaction – Emotion/Feeling/Experience I have as my Postponement Character. Mostly I just “really don’t feel like doing it” and I will experience myself as tired. Also I kind of heaviness comes over me and it becomes difficult to move my physical to do the task. I would describe it as a kind of ‘pain’ as well where I become tired and my back hurts, like my body clenches and tightens up. But in looking at this point I’d say one of the most prominent points is the Heaviness Point that I experience within my body, like a heaviness all over me like lead, like there is lead in my blood and bones and through my whole body, and I just become heavier within and as myself.

I commit myself to realize that I am the creator of my own experiences and to challenge myself to see/realize/understand in exact detail how I have created my experience and in this case my experience of heaviness.

I see, realize, understand that I do not completely understand the experience of heaviness I have within my body in relation to when I face certain points/moments in my world as I have not yet developed enough awareness to distinguish clearly between when my body is tired from physical labour or/and when I am creating my experience of heaviness in my body through my mind. I commit myself to investigate this point/experience further in being aware in those moments when this “heaviness experience” comes up where I just want to sink deep into my bones and not move a muscle, like a kind of “giving up” and “letting go” of me standing so I can just sink down and relax for a moment.

I commit myself to develop self awareness around this point investigating the relationships that make up this “experience of heaviness” within my body.

I see that in the case of postponement my “experience of heaviness in my body” is also accompanied by a “feeling of resistance and/or downness” where I understand that an actual physical tiredness would not have an energetic value attached to it but would simply be a point of physical tiredness, and that it is me as the mind that makes this physical experience either more or less through giving it a “value” definition.



I see that in moving into postponement there is a point of avoidance that takes place, where for instance where in I move into the/my experience of heaviness within my body that I am “moving away” from requiring to do something that I do not want. I see that the “experience” becomes something else when I am required to actually direct myself where for instance if I am watching tv it does not matter about my experience of physical heaviness – that this more becomes “an issue” in relation to writing, doing my assignments etc, where the point of physical heaviness within my body becomes more of an excuse and made something “more than” it actually is as an attempt to validate my excuse to not direct me within particular tasks that I deem to be more “work” than “play”

I see that when it comes to postponing something that “I am looking for excuses” and its not that an experience of physical tiredness is something that prevents me from directing myself but that my tendency is to be “looking for an excuse” where then I channel this “outlook” onto/into my world and thus the experience of tireness of self is thus transformed into an excuse to hide/escape/ avoid doing that which is required to be done that is actually self supportive like writing my daily blog and doing my other daily written and reading assignments.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to change myself as my “normal outlook” as “looking for excuses” to simply be here and rather looking for ways to simply be here and be consistent in my application in a way that actually support me effectively.

I see/realize/understand that My Postponement Character is that which looks for points within myself and my world that can be used as an excuse to escape from/ hide from/ avoid giving practical direction to that which is require to be directed.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my “experience of heaviness” within myself. I commit myself to assist and support myself to not “go/step into” but to within having my attention here on my breathing and my physical body and reality assist and support myself to remain self present instead of “going/stepping into” this experience of heaviness, like a sinking into it where I sink away from here and into the mind.

I see/realize/understand that any emotional/feeling experience that I experience is a point that must be investigated where for instance in this case I see/realize/understand that my reaction of disappointment is still influencing me within my decision to apply myself daily and consistently within my writing.

I see/realize/understand that I am still allowing my emotional/feeling experience to direct and influence me within my life instead of me being able to be constant and stable within my Decisions to walk specific points in specific time-frames. I commit myself to assist and support myself to direct my attention to my breathing/breath and my physical body/reality as thee reality/point/dimension I want to be in, and within this to “not engage” with my reaction/emotional/feeling dimension of my mind so to assist and support myself to “step out of energy” and bring myself Here to My Physical Reality so to stop accepting and allowing myself to be taken for a ride by my mind where in I “go into” emotional/reaction experiences within myself and thus lose my stability and self directive principle as now I am not here but in FLUX within the dimensions of my mind, instead of remaining here in and as the physical directing myself in and as the physical without energy/reaction directing me and influencing me within my expression/direction.

Physical Behaviour Dimension

tbc…

Consequence Dimension

The Consequence of allowing postponement is simply that I will never change and/or get anywhere within developing a self intimate relationship with myself and in fact assisting and supporting myself to actually get to know and understand who I really am. I see/understand writing to be “my foundation” It is the initial Physical Process of me taking responsibility for myself. I see that my process of writing is like the foundation for how I will “do everything else” thus I see that it is imperative and something that want to do for myself which is to establish an absolute effective self supportive process of writing where this pattern that I develop within my writing can than stand as an actual Support for other patterns that I develop later on in terms of me supporting myself within my life and within my process of self realization. So The consequence of existing as my postponement character is that I will simply take longer within my process because I sabotage my “Pattern” through by allowing myself to “not effectively apply myself in writing” on a daily basis, and thus postponing the point of actually effectively developing a pattern within my writing that can actually stand as an effective foundation and “jumping point” to duplicate as a stable pattern within taking my application of self support into other areas of my life. Thus if I never get this point of writing in place, I will never be ready/able to move into/onto another area of my life, and so thus the consequence dimension of postponement is essentially prolonging my process within this particular point instead of getting it done. Another consequence of this is that I will never get to know myself in intimate detail, and just remain on the surface. That is not a relationship that I want to live as I see that as very limited and shallow. I’d like to really get to know me in a self intimate way and get to know the real truth of me, so within this I can actually forgive myself and correct myself into a being that stand as an example of life that is able to be followed/looked at as an example that can be utilized to see how to live effectively.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 25 Oct 2012, 06:15

The Physical Behaviours of Postponement – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 168
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-168/

In my last blog post I ended off the blog by posting the writing segment of the “Consequence Dimension” Before I move onto the Self Forgiveness, and Self Corrections of that Dimension I am going to step back a moment and have a look at the “Physical Behavior Dimension”



Physical Behavior Dimension



My physical behaviors of my postponement character are:



-Laying back in my bed where I am usually reclining and or slouching.

-Searching on the internet or tv for “something…anything” so not specific direction within this – more

just ‘browsing around’

pacing around the house

taking fast about nothing in particular – so not stable and directed and focused within my expression of communication.

Snacking on food – like looking in the fridge for nothing in particular.





-Laying back in my bed where I am usually reclining and or slouching.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slouch when I am sitting on my bed working on my computer where I will allow myself to sink lower and lower into the bed until my position is starting to recline more and in this it becoming less practical for me to work effectively on my computer.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to move out of my lying down position when I am watching tv and now it is time to sit myself up straight and start to work.



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to get a desk set up where I can work so that I am able to sit up straight and sit in a physical position that requires me to actually be aware of my physical body instead of just sinking down into my bed where I “lose track” of my physical body and am not aware of my body that much because “I don’t have to be” like for instance if I was sitting at a desk on a chair and writing where I would actually have to “sit myself up straight”



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue sitting at my bed because its comfortable even though I see/realize/understand that it is not the most practical physically supportive furniture that is more conducive to being focused with my full attention here, simply because naturally my posture becomes more slouched on a bed, yet I have not yet Given Direction to this point and set a desk up for myself as an actual work space.



-Searching on the internet or tv for “something…anything” so not specific direction within this – more

just ‘browsing around’



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to browse around on the internet or on tv not watching anything in particular but just skipping around trying to find something to entertain me where my physical movements of myself clicking through the internet or skipping through the channels becomes ‘jutty’ and ‘quick’ where I quickly move from one point to the next to the next and back and forwards, then to the next and next and next, next next just moving quickly around and through channels and pages not really searching for or finding anything in particular, instead of actually being Self Directive in my Movements/Directions for instance when I am deliberately getting something done, instead of postponing what I know must be done where I end up just doing anything and everything and nothing in particular just to avoid having to do that ONE thing that I know must be done but I am putting off/postponing.



Pacing Around The House



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the application of where I start pacing around the house where it is like I am caught in no mans land where I am just kind of wandering around.



Snacking on food – like looking in the fridge for nothing in particular.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the fridge to “look for some food” as a “replacement action” instead of remaining here and focused on the task that requires direction where I see/realize/understand that I will “go to the fridge for food” as a justification point to “get away from” the task that I am doing.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically get up from “the task that I am working on” and “go for food” right in the middle of what I am doing, simply as a point to “get away” instead of breathing and remaining here within the task that I am walking and pushing/directing myself to actually develop my ability to focus on a task for longer and longer periods at a time where I assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing my mind to direct me where eventually I will take the “mind influence” in this case where I will eventually “Act Out” my Postponement Character, in this instance by stopping what I am doing or trying to avoid starting something that I know is required to be done by going to the fridge and just looking inside of it for something to eat or drink, even if I am not hungry but more as a final attempt to avoid starting that one thing that I have been avoiding or to escape from/avoid doing a particular task point that I am busy with.

Self Corrective Statements To Follow…

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 26 Oct 2012, 07:19

Physical Behaviours of Postponement Self Correction – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 169
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-169/


This blog is a continuation of the following blogs

The Physical Behaviours of Postponement – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 16

Experience of Heaviness in Postponement (Self Corrections) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 167

Postponement Character – Reaction Dimension SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 166

Postponement – Back-Chat Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 165

BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164

The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163

Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162

Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161

Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

Physical Behavior : Laying back in my bed where I am usually reclining and or slouching.

I see/realize/understand that this physical behavior of laying back/slouching in my bed is a physical behavior of and as my Postponement Character and not a Physical Behaviour/Positioning of one who is Directing Self Effectively within the task at hand, especially/particularly here in relation to writing/reading which is often what I am doing while at the computer while sitting on my bed. I commit myself to when and as I get home and am taking my position on the bed to start my writing/reading projects etc on the computer to physically sit myself up straight to support myself effectively within the task (s) I am busy with so that I can support me to work effectively within these tasks where I am Specific and Directive and to the point. Something that I see is allot less probable within accepting and allowing myself to sink down into a slouching/laying back position in my bed, which also make it more probable for me to “start getting tired” due to me not being Self Aware and HERE in those moments and thus leaving the door open for me to just drift around in my mind, instead of Directing myself in HEREness within the tasks I have before me. I also see that ultimately it does not matter if I sit in my bed or at a desk, either way I am able to be Here and Aware of Myself and in this Self Directive, where in this case while I do not have a desk I am able to Direct myself to Sit up Straight in my bed and ensure that I am not allowing myself to sink/slouch down. I see/realize/understand that I resist sitting up straight and being here within my task of “working on the computer” as I am resisting that point of actually Directing Myself in Self Awareness, because then I must support myself instead of accepting and allowing my mind to direct me or have a say in what I am doing/how I am directing me which is possible when I am not Self Aware and Here while sitting on my bed after work and working on my writing and reading projects.

When and as I see myself existing in the experience of “not wanting to move myself out of my lying/slouching down position when it is time to get to work” I stop participating in this/giving my attention to this, and bring myself as my attention back to here and I take a breath, I realize that it is most effective to actually ensure that I have an effective posture to assist and support myself to actually move/direct myself to my utmost potential in the tasks that I am working on, and that if I am “half assed” in supporting me within my physical body posture in relation to working that it is likely that I will/may also be “half-assed” in my actual writing/reading application and thus I physically sit myself up straight so that I am HERE and ready to Direct Myself Specifically and Effectively and to the point, and in this giving myself the opportunity to actually work with myself effectively, and getting the most out of my assignments and readings because I am actually HERE and Self Present while working on them, and not accepting and allowing myself to wonder off somewhere into my mind.

I see/realize/understand that I am Responsible for my Physical Behavior and Posture where ever I am, and it does not matter if I am on a bed or at a desk. I also see that I do have resistance to the entire desk point because it is much less likely that I would allow myself to sink/slouch down due the nature of sitting in a chair simply being more aligned with sitting up straight and thus a dimension of the resistance here that I see is related to the resistance to actually “Getting Down To Business” where instead “I’d rather” allow myself to procrastinate and thus I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to develop the physical behavior of “sitting up straight” in where I actually do this as a point/part of Taking Responsibility for myself and Directing myself to get my assignments done within and as effective self direction, and not allowing myself to “do this half assed” which I see/realize/understand does not in fact support me at all as I never get anywhere within accepting and allowing myself to do my assignments/working with myself in a ‘half-asses’ way.

I commit myself to explore “desk potentials” in my environment with the Directive of setting up some Desk placement up in my room, even if this is just a temporary point, as I see that this would make my work space much more effective and organized and support in me in having an environment that effectively support me within my process of Self Realization/ Getting to know and take responsibility for myself.

Physical Behavior: -Searching on the internet or tv for “something…anything” so not specific direction within this – more
just ‘browsing around’

When and as I see myself browsing around on the tv or internet in a way where I am just postponing the inevitable, I stop and I take a breath and I immediately direct myself to start the point that I know must be done but am wanting to avoid. I see/realize/understand that the point will never go away. That it will just sit there as it is until I actually Direct Myself to Give Direction to the point. Within this I also see that if I go to give direction to the point and I just go and try “to get it over with” that this is not in fact giving Effective Direction to the point but again just trying to “get it out of the way” which I see is also related to this entire point of “postponement” where the point is that I am not actually Bringing Myself HERE and walking a point in Actual Self Awareness. I see/realize/understand that until I walk points/a point in self awareness, I will not have actually effectively directed that point and thus will still require to give it direction where in I stop postponing the point and actually, Stop, Breathe, Bring Myself HERE Move myself within the point within and as My Full Attention. And thus I commit myself to when and as I see myself browsing around on the tv or internet for not reason but to avoid/postpone the inevitable, I stop and I bring myself HERE into and as MY FULL Attention Here as this is Key to be here in and as my FULL ATTENTION, and thus to within my Full Attention then Move/Direct me to complete the tasks which I am required to do.

Physical Behavior: Pacing Around The House

When and as I see myself pacing around the house where it is like I am trapped in “no mans land” I stop and I Direct myself to sit down and look at what specifically I can do to Direct a point of responsibility that I am not doing/or either avoiding doing. I then Breath and Ensure that I am Completely Here in my Full Attention, and then thus Direct myself to actually take on a task/point in specific Action where I Go and do that thing specifically and to the point, and within this assist and support myself to be More Self Directive and also within and as this to be within my Full Attention as I see that this is a key point in my Establishing myself as actually being Effective within my Application of My Process of Self Change/Support.

Physical Behavior: Snacking on food – like going to and looking in the fridge for nothing in particular.

When and as I see myself wanting to go to the fridge for food as a point to ‘escape’ what it is that I am doing, I stop and I breathe. I Check within myself if this point of going to the fridge for food is a practical point, or if it is simply a point of postponing. I commit myself to assist and support myself to remain here within and as Self Stability while working on projects and not accepting and allowing myself to be constantly directed/distracted by the automated thoughts/points that come up within my mind, like for instance the thought of me going to the fridge where then I’d actually Act out that Physical Behavior by following that thought and thus physically going to the fridge, and so thus I commit myself to determine when this thought/point of “going to the fridge for food” is simply the mind and thus I commit myself to stop myself from obeying my mind as the point of going to the fridge for food, and thus assist and support myself to direct Myself within my Physical Behaviors.

I see/realize/understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to “follow my mind” in this case within the physical behavior of and as Postponement by “going to the fridge for food” when/while in the middle of doing something like working on some project/task/assignment etc… I see that this is a pre-programmed / automated thought/mind point that come up within me that I would often follow/ that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically act out to the degree where this behavior has become an accepted and allowed mind distraction and postponement where I am following my mind and living out/as My Postponement Character instead of assisting and supporting me to remain Here, Stable and directing myself within the task before me.
And so thus I commit myself to stop utilizing “food” / “going to the fridge” as an excuse to excuse myself from being HERE in and as my FULL Attention and effectively working with myself in my process of self change/support, and thus to Change My Living Physical Behavior from That of My Postponement Character within and as “going to the fridge for food” to Physically Living Self Discipline within and as Self Support within Sticking to the Task that I am walking and assisting and supporting myself to be more Directive within my process of writing/reading/self support instead of accepting and allowing myself to “go off somewhere else” like to the fridge for food as a point of postponement/escape form being Here and Facing myself in having my Full Attention Here and investigating/working with myself in my process of writing, self forgiveness, self correction etc…

In the next blog I will be having a look at the Consequence Dimension of My Postponement Character.

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Andrew
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 27 Oct 2012, 06:26

From a Moment to a Mountain – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 170
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-170/

I am continuing Here with looking at the final dimension of my postponement character – the consequence dimension.

Consequence Dimension

The Consequence of allowing postponement is simply that I will never change and/or get anywhere within developing a self intimate relationship with myself and in fact assisting and supporting myself to actually get to know and understand who I really am. I see/understand writing to be “my foundation” It is the initial Physical Process of me taking responsibility for myself. I see that my process of writing is like the foundation for how I will “do everything else” thus I see that it is imperative and something that I want to do for myself which is to establish an absolute effective self supportive process of writing where this pattern that I develop within my writing can than stand as an actual Support for other patterns that I develop later on in terms of me supporting myself within my life and within my process of self realization. So The consequence of existing as my postponement character is that I will simply take longer within my process because I sabotage my “Pattern” through by allowing myself to “not effectively apply myself in writing” on a daily basis, and thus postponing the point of actually effectively developing a pattern within my writing that can actually stand as an effective foundation and “jumping point” to duplicate as a stable pattern within taking my application of self support into other areas of my life. Thus if I never get this point of writing in place, I will never be ready/able to move into/onto another area of my life, and so thus the consequence dimension of postponement is essentially prolonging my process within this particular point instead of getting it done. Another consequence of this is that I will never get to know myself in intimate detail, and just remain on the surface. That is not a relationship that I want to live as I see that as very limited and shallow. I’d like to really get to know me in a self intimate way and get to know the real truth of me, so within this I can actually forgive myself and correct myself into a being that stand as an example of life that is able to be followed/looked at as an example that can be utilized to see how to live effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my life through by accepting and allowing myself to go into my postponement character in so many moments during my day(s) which eventually accumulate moment by moment by moment by moment into a MOUNTAIN as the consequence that is me as who I currently am and my current level of Self Awareness and my total entire inner and outer experience of myself that is a consequence of how I have accepted and allowed myself to apply/create myself, where this mountain that is me has come about seemingly by some force of Magic which was never the case as I had created myself moment by moment by moment from the beginning, me being a DIRECT RESULT of what I have accepted and allowed of and as myself in each moment, and that in so many of those moments I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as my postponement character and thus this have the consequence of who I am now where this “who I am now” is that which does not support life in an effective way that I am capable of doing.

Thus

I commit myself to assist and support myself to ensure the Mountain that I create moment by moment by moment that is me, is the Result of Moments of Self Directed Self Support instead of Postponement.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform my moments from postponement to self support to ensure a consequence of what is best for all.

I commit myself to establishing a pattern within and as my application of writing, that will stand as a stable foundation for the expansion of myself into other areas/applications within my life. Thus I commit myself to write Daily, and within and as writing Daily, I Ensure that in the moment I write that I steady myself, that I firstly Bring Myself Completely HERE so that I have my FULL ATTENTION on the task at hand of writing. I commit myself to stop postponing my process of Self Realization, the consequence thereof being the accepted and allowed state of frustration, anger, and self doubt, because I have not worked effectively with myself on a daily basis so to expand my Self Awareness and thus becoming more effective at directing myself, as in becoming more Self Aware, I can Direct those aspects of me that before I did not even realize/see as me and thus had running on automatic which means I was not Directing them as parts of me. I see/realize/understand that I determine my process – thus, the length of my process and so I commit myself to Apply myself Effectively within my writings, self forgiveness, self corrective applications, DIP lessons and other process related responsibilities. I commit myself to Walk/Live/Develop Self Discipline within my “process of self support” and Stop Postponing My Self Awareness, and thus assist and support myself DAILY in and as SELF CONSISTENCY and CONSTANCY to Apply myself within Writing and my DAILY Process Responsibilities so to Support me in Moving Myself Effectively within becoming Self Aware. When and as I see Myself wanting to go into my Postponement Character as my application of Postponement, I Stop and I Breathe. I Realize that Postponement leave me “Dead in my tracks”. That Postponement “catches up with me” as it always has an Equal and One Consequence that result and so thus I see/realize/understand that My Moment(s) of Postponement always has a resulting consequence equal and one and so thus I Commit myself to transform such Moments of Postponement into Moments of Self Support where instead of accepting and allowing myself to “do the usual” as stepping into my postponement character, I Direct myself to move myself into and as that which Support me within my process of self support and so Transform my “usual” from Daily Postponement to Daily Self Support, and thus Transform my Consequence from Anger, Frustration, Irritation, regret, to Self Gratefulness and Self Trust

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 28 Oct 2012, 07:09

Blaming Another For Causing ME to React – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 171
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-171/


There is this one being at work who I have quite a resistance and aversion to. From very early on in meeting this being, I simply wanted nothing to do with them due to how I experienced myself in relation to their communication/interaction with others and me. My early on impression was that this being is “full of shit” Yet I see that I have not directed this point from the perspective of simply not allowing what I have defined as “bull-shit” when this being is communicating with me, and also in terms of directing my own reactions that come up in relation to this beings communication/interaction.

I tend to more “go along” with what the being is saying which tends to have an “abusive/sarcastic nature”. From my perspective this being is making their own life very difficult, but at the same time, since we are working together allot on the same projects that then this seep over into my world, and so I have been wondering allot within myself how to effectively direct this point where I actually not allow such communication to take place with me

What I notice is that I am reacting to what this being is saying. And in a way fighting within myself with everything this person says. Like saying within myself.

How could they say that
Why would they say that
They are making things so difficult
They are so negative
They are evil

They are annoying

That is such Bull Shit

And this list goes on.
The other day I started thinking “I wonder if being around this being is actually making me sick/ill”
In a way I feel drained after being around this being due to the reactions I have within myself and inner conversations I have.
I have been holding back allot in speaking what I really think towards this being – Not in an attacking kind of way, but rather I am holding back in being more direct and to-the-point with what I will allow in my world and what I will not.

The last day I worked with this being I ended up getting frustrated with them because at the end of the day they wanted to take a “short-cut” in the job we were doing just to get the job done and we could go home. This was not the first time that this point had come up, and so I did not know how to Direct the point. I eventually mentioned the point but I did it in a way that was more “fleeting” as an after thought instead of this being more direct and straight to the point in terms of what I was seeing/observing with regards to the beings approach to working.

I see that I am allowing too much “lee-way” with the amount of “abuse” that I will in fact support within and as this being where for instance “nodding along nicely” to a conversation that is in fact very abusive in nature, or “going along with” poor work habits so as “not to cause conflict” or to still “be nice”

So basically I have started to question allot what is the best way for me to direct this point and am I giving this effective enough direction. I normally take the “long way” from the perspective of just tolerating allot of “shit-talk” to eventually have the being realize that I am not interested in those types of conversations, but I am not sure if this is an effective application and I wonder if I should just start being more DIRECT within my world and simply not accepting and allowing such unnecessary abuse in my world/environment. I am faced with this point, in relation to the extensiveness of the “negativity” coming from this being.

Perhaps I could actually be supportive for this being if I would speak up and be more direct in my communication in actually being more assertive and taking a stand of why types of communication I will accept and allow in terms of what types of conversations I will engage in.

I that I also must take responsibility for my own reactions that are coming up in relation to this being as I see that I am still reacting within myself towards what this being speak about.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain silent, and actually go along with in my silence and my physical behaviour communication such as “smiling nicely” and “nodding my head yes” going along with what “y” speaks about, instead of not accepting and allowing such interactions/communication to take place that are abusive in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being direct with “y” in simply setting my terms of what I will allow and what not with regards to the type/subject of communication and interaction and “y” and others, so as not to in my passivity actually support and nurture “bull-shit” communication that is abusive/destructive in nature and does not support me or the other being or life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an abusive/destructive environment around me through by being passive and not really ever speaking who I am and what I am interested in and what not but rather electing to remain silent and not actually speak up and indicate who I am because I believed that this will just cause weirdness and so to not cause weirdness I rather allow myself to participate in and support abusive conversations through just by nodding along and smiling or acting interested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with “y” in what “y” communicates about yet not actually Take a more Direct Stand in terms of communicating to “Y” that I am not interested in communicating about such things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and annoyed with “y” not realizing that any irritation and annoyance I experience within me has nothing to do with “Y” perse but is my own self created experience, and so thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my experience of irritation, anger, frustration, annoyance, onto “Y” instead of investigating and understanding how I am/have created these experiences within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to allot of the things that “y” speaks about where I will react within myself in my back-chat and actually go into an “attacking” stand point where I am in fact becoming nasty and aggressive and attacking towards “y” in my back-chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way I will be able to stabilize myself around “y” and not react is if “Y” actually change how he communicates, and so thus I forgive myself for not realizing that I am implying that “Y” is responsible for my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for my experience of myself to change, that I must change “Y” and thus within this implying that I am accepting and allow “Y” to influence me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for accepting and allowing myself to react so much to “Y” and not standing stable within myself and not “going for the bait” which I find “Y” “puts out there” so much during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by “Y” which I see is happening because of the way that I will have inner arguments within my own mind in my back-chat towards “Y” in a reactive/attacking way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and frustration within myself because I do not see a clear path/solution for me to be absolutely stable around “Y” not allowing myself to consider that this may take time for me to stabilize myself in relation to “Y” in terms of not reacting to what he say’s / communications about.

TBC…


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