Andrew's Journey To Life

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 27 Sep 2012, 06:30

"Giving Up" Character in relation to Work/Career - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 142
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-142/

Ok So I am going to “Re-Walk” This “Giving Up/Giving In” Character and I am going to specifically walk each dimension of the Character. I will look at the following dimensions of the Character. I am also going to look at this particular point of “Giving Up/Giving In” in relation to “My Life” in terms of Job/Career. Where I experience this point of giving up allot. I am going to walk this approach because I found the initial self forgiveness I did to be too general and so am pushing here to get more specific within the Self Forgiveness so that I am actually effectively working with the point. Ok so I am seeing here as I start that My process of “Giving Up” seems also to be specific to each particular possible Job Path I could walk so I am going to focus on Art as the Career Path, as this is one of the points that I have walked in my life and so is one of the points that I have looked at as a possible job/career point to explore.

Walking the Dimensions of The Giving Up Character in relation to Job/Career.

Art

Art Teacher

Thought/Picture Dimension

See myself in a classroom at the college where I went to art school standing in front of a class introducing myself.

Imagination Dimension

-Me explaining to the students about my teaching methods and philosophy and how the class will be different from normal classes.

-See myself lecturing to a large audience.

-Seeing allot of paperwork and me shuffling papers in an office and papers piling up in piles around me and its messy.

BackChat Dimension

-It will be difficult because I am not a good spelling

-I would not make a good teacher

-I am not suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems – I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that

- What if I get distracted by the girl students – I will need a wife/girlfriend first – I will never be able to do it.

-I can’t do it

-I will never amount to anything

-My life is a write off

-Fuck

- Who are you kidding, you won’t/can’t be a teacher.

- I am pathetic

Reaction/Emotion/Experience Dimension

-Shame

-Embarrassment

-Self Doubt

- Sadness

- Sinking/lowering down into myself

-Depression / Heaviness

-Self Defeat

-Anger

Physical Behaviour Dimension

- Heaviness in my body

- breathing a sigh (exhalation)

- eyes squint and teeth clench and lips purse (anger point)

Consequence

- In Living out this character I am accepting that I am “not good enough” to actually be a teacher and I will never give this point any serious consideration.

- I will never get passed the point of just “thinking about it” and in fact actually explore this as a viable option for me because I always just end with – “This point won’t work” And thus I will continue to wait and wait and wait until I am forced to do it because nothing else in my life will work – Thus the consequence is that I will end up waiting for me to be FORCED into doing something instead of Directing Myself within Practical Self Direction.

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Andrew
Posts: 804
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 28 Sep 2012, 07:08

"Giving Up Character" SF on Mind Dimensions (Part 1) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 143
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-143/

This Blog is a continuation of the Investigation into my “Giving Up Character” Giving Up Character in relation to Work/Career – An Artists Journey to Life: day 142

- Here in this Blog I am starting with the SF on the various dimensions of my “Giving Up Character” in relation to work/Career, specifically looking at what came up in relation to looking at the point of being an Art Teacher.



Thought/Picture Dimension
See myself in a classroom at the college where I went to art school standing in front of a class introducing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by a picture in my mind in which I form in relation to possible career paths.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide my future based on a picture that comes up within me of me seeing myself in a classroom at the college where I went to school standing in front of a class introducing myself as the teacher.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself in the image within my mind as a teacher, to the teachers that I had and thus looking at me in relation to them in terms of how my life will be.

Imagination Dimension
-Me explaining to the students about my teaching methods and philosophy and how the class will be different from normal classes.
-See myself lecturing to a large audience.
-Seeing allot of paperwork and me shuffling papers in an office and papers piling up in piles around me and its messy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination where I start to wonder who I will be as an Art Teacher where I start to create a personality of “who I will be” to my students where I start to form a definition/personality of who I will be that is one that would be considered in a way that is seen as a positive or good thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pictures/imaginings within my mind of “paperwork piling up” where I have in relation to this picture saw myself as incapable of being a teacher as I have defined myself as ineffective with “that kind of stuff” and so in accepting this as myself stop any idea I have come up about being a teacher because I have accepted that “I am not intelligent enough” to be one. And thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Keep in place the idea I have about myself as “not being intelligent” through accepting and allowing myself to “react in fear” to the idea of having to do paper work if I were to be a teacher where this fear is linked to this idea of me “not being that type of person” and not good with that kind of thing.

BackChat

-It will be difficult because I am not a good speller
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might think I am dumb or stupid or inadequate or not take me seriously if they are a better spelling than me and are a student with me being the teacher.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from the idea/possibility of becoming a teacher due to accepting myself as “not good with words” and in this thus making the statement that “this is who I am” and to immediately give up on the point/idea of being a teacher due to seeing myself as not a good spelling and not good with that kind of thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat in relation to being a teaching “It will be difficult because I am not a good speller.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of correcting my “bad spelling habbits” and so in relation to this aspect of defining myself as one who “struggles with languages” have “given up in areas related to education as possible avenues for myself to walk”,
-I would not make a good teacher
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat statement – “I would not make a good teacher”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement within myself – “I would not make a good teacher”
-I am not suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems – I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the back-chat statement of that “I am not a suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems” and thus within this statement am accepting and allowing myself to in fact Justify “my problems” and who I am by implying that I am not willing to change me to walk into a specific avenue of life, but am more inclined to continue to live out “my problems” and never change them due to me holding the idea within myself that I am “incapable” of change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “Anti-Social” and defining this as a limitation and so thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify Self Limitation by Defining myself as “Anti-Social” when in fact I see, realize and understand that “Anti-Social” is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as a particular Character that I live-out that is not who I really am as the Flesh as the Self but is me that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as the mind which I have made a commitment to stop accepting and allowing myself to exist as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the statement “I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that” within myself as back-chat that comes up within me when thinking about/considering walking the point of being a teacher.
-I can’t do it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the statement “I can’t do it” in relation to being a teacher where in I start to accept each individual back-chat statement point that comes up within me to where when these accumulate enough simply Go Into the Statement “I can’t do it” and that I have accepted this statement as Having Some Merrit not seeing how I have constructed this such statement of/as “I can’t do it” in relation the decision I arrive at within and as my own mind after enough things compile within myself within my mind where it start to pile and so I just make the statement “I can’t do it” believing that this experience I have created as the points “stacking up” is real, when in fact the entire context of the situation I have just created within my mind and when this context get big enough, I then go into the point/statement of “I can’t do it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the capacity to “do it” when things start becoming overwhelming, where within this statement “I can’t do it” I “Give Up” on myself, simply reaching the conclusion that I simply “Cannot” do it as a result of who I am, my intelligence and my ability to actually handle multiple points at once which when this starts to build I go into a point of giving up and just wanting to put an end to it all and so just say “I can’t do it” not bothering to actually investigate the points at play that I am participating in within my own mind, but instead of doing this go into “Giving Up” within and as the statement of “I can’t do it” and thus sweeping the entire point off to the side and never looking at what is actually going into or is behind that moment I decide “I can’t do it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement “I can’t do it” whenever there is multiple points at play where when this happens I start to get flustered within my mind due to me not yet being effective at handling multiple points at a time, though I see that making the statement “I can’t do it” and giving up is not a solution but just ignoring the point all together.
-I will never amount to anything
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat statement “I will never amount to anything” which is a statement I arrive at once I have decided “I can’t do it” and thus have accepted this ‘play-out’ of me not being able to do it in relation to the possibility of walking a specific point, in this case being a teacher and then from here move myself deeper into this “Giving Up/Giving In Character” where I then participate within the back-chat within me “I will never amount to anything” where I go into a point of starting to in fact manipulate myself within and as this Giving Up Character and thus accepting and allowing myself to disempower myself instead of Standing Up and Taking Self Responsibility for myself and not accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as My “Giving Up Character” which is showing clearly that as this character I am not in fact Supporting Myself in way that has value but only manipulating myself to accept Self Limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself to absolute diminishment within and as my back-chat dimension where the back-chat become progressively ‘negative’ and ‘diminishing’ and yet at the same time ‘unreal’ from the perspective of the exaggeration of the claims that end up moving into more extreme manipulation as having a more direct negative point of view, where the back-chat becomes more of an Attacking of Myself as this/My “Giving Up Character”

To be Continued With the rest of the SF on he ‘Reaction’ , ‘Physical Behaviour’, and ‘Consequence’ Dimensions.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 29 Sep 2012, 07:57

Giving Up Character SF on Mind Dimensions (Part 2) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 144
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-144/


Here I am continuing with the point of the “Giving up Character” in relation to work/job/career. For further reference please see the previous blogs I have walked on this point.

Giving Up Character in relation to Work/Career – An Artists Journey to Life: day 142

Giving Up Character – Self Forgiveness on Mind Dimensions (Part 1) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 143

Here I am continuing with SF on the Reactions/Emotion Dimension

Reaction/Emotion Dimension

-Shame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional reaction of shame in relation to my acceptance that “I am unable to change myself” enough to in fact walk specific points in my life that by my definition require Stable Self Honesty which I am not seeing myself as capable of walking, and so go into Shame as if it has already happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any experience within me must be created in relation to who I am, and that I have not yet walked the future yet and so any experience I have within me even if it apparently pertain to the future, does not because I have not walked a point that I have not walked and so am in fact creating an experience within me based on the past and projecting that into the future and accepting it as true and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to explore my reactions/emotions in relation to “looking at my future” so to understand how I have created such experiences / reactions already in my past and am not just recycling them, bringing them into my future by constantly participating in them and fuelling them, instead of forgiving them and allowing myself to re-create myself from the perspective of allowing myself to walk HERE in and as the physical in the moment equal and one to the moment, instead of just regurgitating emotions/reactions from the past that I bring forward and project onto here.



-Embarrassment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment in relation to the thought that I have of seeing this particular being from my past whom I perceived as intelligent where in then I have in my mind created an imaginary moment of me having to face that being in my future if I were a teacher where “what if this being or someone like this was in my class” and thus “smarter than me” where in relation to this equation I would experience me as embarrassed for “not being as smart as someone else” and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the emotional/reaction of and as embarrassment that was triggered by a ‘imagining’ that I constructed within my mind which was pieced together from experiences/moments I had in my past and also perceptions/ideas/experiences I also constructed within my past which now I am bringing all of this forward and experiencing an emotional reaction which I allow to influence me instead of realizing how I have constructed these emotions/reactions and in this realization instead of accepting and allowing myself to react emotionally, investigate how I have in fact constructed the specific emotions and reactions I am experiencing through by layering memories, moments, perceptions, experiences, fears, feelings, etc from the past to now to create “my emotional reactions” which in fact have a history that I have not fully understood but have just started to understand how I have created them.



-Self Doubt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the emotional reaction of “Self Doubt” in relation to “being an Art Teacher” where I have based this Doubting Not on Practical Common Sense Considerations but on the different emotions and reactions I am experiencing within me that come up when I start to consider and look at this point, and have thus submitted myself to basing my “Decision” where in this case go into a Doubting of myself within this point in relation to The Mind instead of Practical Common Sense.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my entire decision making process on the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, never in fact getting to an ability to make an assessment based on practical common sense due to having designed and conditioned myself to only ever have made decisions based on the mind as the thoughts, feelings, emotions I experience in relation to the decision I am looking at.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand yet, the true nature of the mind and how and who I am as the mind and so continue to participate in the mind and trust the mind despite the evidence that is not only my life, but Life on Earth that is rampant with Suffering and Abuse, but still continue to hold my mind in/as the Highest Regard and Main Man that I always give the final say to. Never daring to actually Move myself from the starting point of Silence and Practical Common Sense Considerations but instead direct and move me according to the fireworks of the mind flashing with all the fancy colors to motivate and stimulate me to make my life decisions – never bother to look what is behind the beautiful lights and seeing the relationships behind this, and how these bright lights have come to be – something that should obviously be questioned deeply considering the consequence as the result that following these fireworks and pretty colors has produced as My Life that I lead daily that has never offered any real sustainable fulfilment or Self Integrity but has only left me in constant self created misery, wondering when I will actually end my own self created misery and Start to Live in a Consistently Self Supportive way and End ALL Self Abuse, something that has not happened in following the pretty lights – yet I continue to utilize my emotional reactions and experiences to determine my daily and future life decisions, instead of simply doing what I know would be best for me that would require me to let go of that need to experience a certain energy or emotion that I have become addicted to and that is why I always repeat the same actions and never change, because if I change my actions then I will no more get the emotions/energetic experience that I want – even if that means changing my actions to support me, where I do not do this because in that I will not get my emotional energy fix which I have given more value to actual Self Supportive Living based on practical common sense.



- Sadness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotional experience of ‘sadness’ in relation to “looking at the point of being an Art Teacher” specifically in relation to the back-chat point of “not being able to change” and so would thus then not be able to walk the point of being an Art Teacher, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this reaction of sadness as absolute instead of investigating the point specifically of “not being able to change” and how I have established the idea that “i will not be able to change” and look at what I am currently accepting and allowing myself to LIVE as my Daily Living Actions to see where I have not yet/am not yet working with myself in an effective way to change myself because to me the point of experiencing sadness in relation to “not being able to change” is indicating that “I am not changing” and so here see the point of simply “working with what is here” and in this assisting and supporting myself from this perspective by supporting myself within identifying the points that I am able to see within my life right now that require immediate change/transformation that will lead to/accumulate into actual Self Supportive Living.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 30 Sep 2012, 05:46

Giving Up Character – Self Commitments – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 145
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-145/

This Blog is a continuation of the previous blog posts

Giving Up Character in relation to Work/Career – An Artists Journey to Life: day 142

Giving Up Character – Self Forgiveness on Mind Dimensions (Part 1) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 143

Giving Up Character – SF on Mind Dimensions Part 2 – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 144



Here I am finishing the SF on the last 2 sections and then continuing on with the Self Commitments for each sections.

Physical Behaviour

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to act out and physical live the behaviours of and as my “Giving Up Character” where I will physically live out specific actions that are thus physical acts of “giving up” like for instance ‘turning on the tv’ as a point of postponement and “giving up/giving in” where I then as my “Giving Up Character” act out physical behaviours of giving up.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the other various mind dimensions of and as Self Creating Characters by bringing this through into the physical as my physical experience and living so that I make my Characters Real as a way to ensure I continue in such a way where Me as the Mind as Self Interest am still able to maintain my existence which I do by Living Out/existing as Self Created Characters such as the “Giving Up Character”



Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the consequence of never actually living for real, within accepting and allowing myself to continuously live/exist as my “Giving Up Character” where in employing this Character in literally all situations and circumstances I accept and allow myself to never change but instead support the Mind as Self Interest and thus simply continue living for The Mind as Self Interest only making “my experience of me as the mind as energy” god and thus only ever creating myself as a Living Representation of Self Interest and thus likewise my reality/world/environment around me, no matter what voices scream inside me to stop, as Long as I accept and allow myself to Justify the process of Giving UP and existing as my Giving Up Character where I will walk the entire process from fear, to thought, to imagination, to emotion, to physical behaviour, to consequence as the process of “giving up/giving in” I am showing myself where I stand in terms of my self honesty showing me that I have not yet Decided to End my relationship with my mind, with energy experiences, and thus must investigate my Starting Point of Who I am and why I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the continuation of my mind as Self Interest through the playing out/Living of Characters that support me as the Mind to always remain as God, instead of giving this up of Actual Self Integrity based on what is practically best for self and all.

SELF CORRECTIONS

Thought/Picture

I commit myself to assist and support myself to explore all possible roads for the future where this is based on a common sense practical consideration that is not influenced by the mind where I will accept and allow myself to enter into the regions of the mind through a thought that trigger a total experience/possession by which based on the experience of myself in relation to the picture come to a conclusion about if it is a good decision or a bad decision, and not only that but also in doing this manipulate myself within this process by having an ulterior motive as Survival of Me as the Mind as Self Interest and so thus will never in fact be looking at possible options Clearly due to my starting point being that of ensuring I protect my self interest at all costs.



I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that as long as I have Self Interest as the Core of who I am, no matter what I tell myself, I will end up participating within the various dimensions of the mind within, in this case exploring possible options for the future, because in participating in the various dimensions of the mind, My Self Interest is protected and thus the Decisions I come to is not surprising how they will end in a way that suits the mind and thus is the reason why I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Mind Characters to walk me through decisions or influence decisions I make, due to me still protecting my self interest.

Imagination

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to utilize my “imagination” to calculate and estimate what it would be like to stand within a certain point in this world, I stop and I breath. I realize that in this case I immediately when into an imagination within the starting point of “positive and negative energy” attempting already to construct a personality as “who I would be as a teacher” from the perspective of “how this would support me as the mind as self interest” Thus I commit myself to within exploring possible options for the future ensure that I am not basing this decision on energy in a way where I am seeing the point in relation to the mind only which I can see that takes place in my imagination due to see that each imagining is always about “Energy” and how it relates to the mind/ego/



BackChat

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop my back-chat in relation to considering the point of walking the path of a teacher because as long as I accept and allow back-chat to influence the point I am looking at, I will not be able to see the practicality of the point and if it would be an effective solution/point to walk or not, not being able to see this clearly and thus effectively assist and support myself to come to a practical decision to in fact walk, due to me only ever seeing through the mind within accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my back-chat as the voices within me that tell me what is what, instead of looking/seeing clearly in terms of making a decision that will be best for all and not making a decision that will only support Me as Mind and the Future Survival of me as Personalities, Energy Experience and Self Interest.



Reaction/Emotion/Experience

I see, realize and understand that reactions/emotions/feelings whether they are positive and/or negative is the mind and thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to based my decisions on practical common sense. I see here that my decision making process in relation to “being a teacher” was being based on the mind as emotions and feelings where I was utilizing the weighing of positive and negative energetic experiences that I was experiencing within myself to come to a decision of whether this would be a good point for me to walk where ultimately moving towards the point of deciding if this would work or not based on how this would support me as the mind and if it would thus support the continued survival of my mind effectively, and so thus I commit myself to within looking at/considering possible decisions for the future “take out self interest” and thus ENERGY, and rather based my decision that I will walk into and as the future in Common Sense learning how to walk Self Commitments based on Principle where in doing this I assist and support myself to Change the Starting point of me in my decision making process and living from self interest to self support as living in the interest of ALL, no more having the feeding of energy as my purpose and starting point for being here.



Physical Behaviour

I commit myself to when and as I see myself to starting to go into physical behaviours associated with giving up stop and breath. Here I re-assert myself within my understanding of what it is I am doing where I am transforming my moment to moment participation from “Feeling” to “Principle” and so I within this re-align my Physical Living/Behaviours to that based on practical clear assessment of actions that support me to stop feeding the mind and thus stop the mind, and thus prepare/support me to Align myself with Principled Physical Expression.

Consequence

I commit myself to reinvestigating my starting point as what I am accepting and allowing myself to live. I see, realize, and understand that My Starting Point should be based in principle and not energy. This means that I am moving/directing myself based on what is best for all, and not moving/directing myself based on the various dimensions of the mind where I move/direct myself according to

Fear

Though/Pictures in my mind

Imagination/Projections

Back-Chat / Inner Conversations

Emotion and Feeling Reactions

Physical Behaviours based on participating in the mind.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 01 Oct 2012, 07:34

Having A Look Where I Stand - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 146
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-146/

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at what is best for all as the foundation of my consideration of my life and self direction of myself on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not care” about All life but only care for myself through within only considering what is best for my self interest in the alignment of myself and my life on earth.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I based my consideration of how to move and direct me and live within my life, on positive or negative energy, that I am basing my consideration on my self interest only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about what is best for all, losing sight of the consideration of what is best for all where my line of sight of consideration became narrower and narrower and in this aligning myself with the norm of the system, particularly within the belief that “I am not smart enough or strong enough” to do what is best for all, and that this consideration is just to big to consider.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I NEED an energetic charge define decisions that I make, and that if there is not energetic charge as feeling and emotions attached to a particular movement or decision than there is something wrong and that this means that the decision or movement will not work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself in energy, accepting and allowing myself to live/exist within energy, living out self interest when the world outside my energy experience bubble is falling apart to pieces and the Primary System of the World is based on Slavery and Abuse where most suffer during their life-times, and that I still within seeing this, accepted and allowed myself to ‘occupy’ myself with my ‘own’ experience that is apparently more important to focus on than the millions of suffering beings who are powerless to make a difference in their own lives due to the dire conditions they have been born in and also those that are in a position to do something but that have not had the support that I have had to in fact see what is really going on, and yet I accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself in my own experience of me which I have shown to myself doesn’t even in fact have a benefit on Who I Am, obviously due to my starting point being Self Interest and thus this become the overall flavour of the Soup I become that only Poison Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step back and step away from taking responsibility for what is here, wanting someone else to do it, someone else who is more capable and thus implying that I have defined myself as incapable as the fundamental decision I have made about who I am, that I have accepted and allowed myself to stick to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of actually standing at any position of responsibility within this world, particularly within a point that Support the bringing forth of a New World on Earth, one based on Equality and Oneness and what is best for all.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remove myself from any possibility of taking on a point of Responsibility within the Emergence of as World of What is Best for ALL, where I had basically accepted myself as incapable of this, and so just submitted to lowering myself to where I belong within the experience of me as “really not being able to do or be much, especially not standing in a point of Actual Responsibility”

I commit myself to taking ALL Life into consideration within the principle of ‘doing what is best for all’ as the foundation of myself and my life on earth, particularly within the decisions I make in my daily and overall life.

I commit myself to reassert myself/my starting point of who I am as the Interest of ALL instead of Self Interest.

I commit myself to let go of Self Interest in ALL Ways as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as Self Interest and all I hold dear, to thus be able to Commit myself to Standing/Living as what is best for all.

I commit myself to become a Living Example of What is Best for ALL, where within this I let go of ALL self interest in all ways no more accepting and allowing my self interest to influence me but to Assert myself to transform myself from a beacon of self interest into a beacon that holds the Interest of ALL Life as the Core of who I am.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Re-Align my interests to stand one and equal with what is in the best interest of all so that my life decisions thus will Support what is best for all as Life on earth.

I commit myself to within making decisions, make sure that I My Starting Point is Clear, and that My BREATH is Supporting a being that is in fact Doing what is best for all

I commit myself to Align myself with what is best for all and take energy “out of it” from the perspective of how I direct myself in my daily life.

I commit myself to investigate the nature of how I have made decisions in my life and to specifically look at the role energy as positive and negative charge, has played in how I go about making decisions in my life and how I determine what decisions I will walk and how and why I walk them

I commit myself to investigate this point of “Responsibility” and how I have come to define myself as incapable of in fact standing as an acceptable example of what is best for all, and then once deciding that “I am not able to do this” slowly stepped back into the shadows and aligned myself with a menial life because that is what I believed I was only capable of, and in this accepting and allowing myself to participate with energy and allow myself to be directed by energy/self interest because apparently I am not able to Stop my mind because I am inferior to others.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 02 Oct 2012, 07:28

The Accumulation of Moments Squandered - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 147
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-147/

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to treat the moments of my life as ‘important’ where in I am utilizing each moment in such a way that it would be a Living example/testament of caring for myself where for instance I would utilize each moment I am alive effectively to its utmost potential, and not allow myself to squander my life by squandering the moments of my day.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the significant and importance of giving each moment that I am alive purpose, and so prepare myself to move from the smaller moments of my day to the greater picture of my life where I give my greater life purpose by giving each moment I live in purpose and this way accumulate each of these moments into the greater

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point of that how I live in the smaller is how I will live in the greater. And within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself in the smaller moments of my life, yet want and desire a better life, yet not willing myself to honour, respect, support and care about/for myself in EACH and EVERY moment so within this I accumulate this as My life, and so here also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate the moment, as the seemingly insignificant moments as each breath that accumulate and make up my total day, and within this have been manifesting years of self abuse that seem to come out of the blue but that in fact were an accumulation of the months that were an accumulation of the weeks that were an accumulation of the days that were an accumulation of the single moments/breaths that I accepted and allowed myself to dishonour myself and in essence disregard, squander, resent, suppress abuse, myself and the moment which at the time seems like just one single moment, ‘what harm could it do’ and never getting to the point of actually valuing EACH and EVERY moment of day and Living in Self Respect so to accumulate this as who I am within the understanding that who I am in Every Moment is who I accumulate myself to be Equal and One.

I commit myself to start with the smaller moments of my life, meaning to start HERE, realizing I must be able to in fact Live Self Value in the moments during my day in order to create/manifest this as my life from the perspective of where the focus is no more “out there” thinking about and wondering about ‘future’ but to as a point of assistance and support, bring myself back here and realizing that the life I now find myself in is as good a place as any to “be Life” to give the utmost value to the moments I now find myself, the Moment that is here, as I see, realize and understand that if I am not able to Value HERE, then no value will ever accumulate in my life and so simply what I am seeing here is that Starting HERE is how I am able to assist and support myself to “get my life sorted out”

I commit myself to assist and support myself by/within asking myself the question in every moment – “how am I able to support myself” and in this assist and support myself to practice giving my HERE moments Effective Direction and in this Substance and Worth, instead of just coasting along as if “there is nothing going on in my life”

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Start HERE and work with the moments I now find myself in to practice giving each of these moments effective direction and purpose, and in this assist and support myself to give my life purpose and direction in the smaller and the accumulation of the smaller moments into the larger.

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Andrew
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 03 Oct 2012, 07:05

I Don't Wanna Work Character - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 148
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-148/

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate resistance today when I got a phone call about a new job where in that moment I realized the conversation I was in was about a job, I immediately reacted within and as myself and went into resistance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react the point of working or having a job where I literally go into a negative reaction straight away without having time to in fact listen to what the job would be about or what it would entail, but simply automatically react in a negative way to any possibility of job or work, where in I have accepted and allowed myself to have formed a negative perception about work/jobs and so thus when ever this possibility comes up my first reaction is primarily and virtually always negative, due to how I have programmed this point within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto/participate with/maintain my pre-programmed definition of work/job through within accepting and allowing myself to automatically react without actually looking at the point practically
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to after getting a new job for the next month or so, prepare myself to go into reaction because “this is my normal reaction to getting a job” and so started to go into “my normal reaction” which is always negative and bad, and so thus within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to re-define the point of Job/Work into equality and oneness and in this stopping my emotional/reaction/pre-programmed response to this point that is literally automated and pre-packaged within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare this job to all my previous jobs like this one that I have worked and in doing this go into an experience of anxiety due to my past experiences of working in this field (landscaping).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will hate my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my experience of myself at work and so go into Fear at the prospect of having a new job, where my immediate reaction to this is negative and resistance – due to fear that experience that I experienced myself as within working my last jobs and working jobs in general which I have charged with allot of negative energy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to picture my previous jobs in this field that my new job is in and in, and go into anxiety and fear in relation to this picture, not wanting to “go there” due to how I experienced myself within my last jobs, one aspect of this being related to “how hard they were” as they were physical labour and “how many hours I had to work” and “how I experienced myself after work in relation to How many hours I had left in the day to utilize” where I felt “I will not have enough time to do anything but just will work like a slave” and so in this experience sadness and a sinking/dropping within my solar plexus into my stomach like a heaviness sinking/dropping within me and this sadness/depression come over me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my experience of myself during/at this job will be exactly like it was in all my other jobs and that there is nothing I can do about it, and within this “idea” experience a sadness/depression/despair within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my “experience of myself within working” which is in essence “fearing jobs/work” due to me believing that this makes me miserable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with negative energy associations towards work/job instead of stopping my pre-programmed responses to working/jobs and simply breath and not accepting and allowing myself to into my “I don’t wanna Work Character” which within experience myself within a negative experience in relation to working/jobs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I made a mistake and that this is why I am getting a call for job – Where in I fear that I made a mistake and now my reality is forcing me to move due to me not moving me effectively and so when getting a call today about a job, when also here into a point of Self Judgement towards myself, believing that the reason I am getting this call for a job is because I did not do something good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have enough time now “to do anything”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “experience” myself differently during the day and in the evenings when I have a job vs when I do not have a job, where for instance when I do not have to work the next day I am more lighter and relaxed but if I must work the next day, experience a form of heaviness on me as well as experience a point of depression within me and so here within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by/through an energetic charge that I have created and placed on ‘work and jobs’

I see, realize and understand that my ‘immediate reaction’ was automatic and based on a pre-defined judgement / pre-programmed definition I have created and stored within myself about work. I see this, because this is how I always react respond every time and today I noticed how quickly I went into an energetic reaction towards this point.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to release my energetic reactions in relation to work/job through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, so that I can assist and support myself to be stable within the point of work/job so within this I am able to be Self Directive within this point instead of “being told how to react” by my mind as the pre-programmed definitions and programmed responses I have created within myself.
I see, realize and understand that these pre-programmed responses only support me within being a slave to my mind where I react always in exactly the same way and so I assist and support myself to transform these pre-programmed responses to work into Clear Self Directive Decisions in relation to work made in common sense and within the principle of what is best for all. I see, realize, and understand that as long as I accept and allow myself to continue reacting to and being influenced by my programmed energy responses to work/job that this will make it difficult for me to ever become Self Directive within this point.
When and as I see myself going into a pre-programmed energetic response in relation to work/job, I stop and breath and I bring myself back here, realizing that “my experience” in relation to work is a “mind reaction” that I have programmed within me based on my past definitions/values/ideas. And so thus I stop and I breath and do not accept and allow myself to go into the programmed normal reaction that I usually do in relation to work/job. Here I direct myself to remain stable and thus assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to deconstruct and discharge any energetic experience and reaction that I have towards doing jobs/work, looking at and investigating how I have created my current definition of work/job that has now become an automated energetic experience that comes up within me and influences me in my decisions related to work/job career.
I commit myself to transform my relationship with work/job so that It stand within the principle of what is best for all.

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Andrew
Posts: 804
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 04 Oct 2012, 07:36

WORK/JOB and Automated Negative Experience – Self Corrections (Cont) – An Artists Journey To Life: day 149
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-149/

I see, realize, and understand that my “automated reaction” in relation to jobs is pre-programmed and I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self correction to stop/deconstruct my pre-programmed automated reaction towards work/jobs,

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I am experiencing a “negative” energy reaction towards my job/work that this is pre-programmed behaviour and so within this I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to stop my pre-programmed reactions and behaviours in relation to work/job and Re-Align myself within and as the context of work and jobs to Stand within and as the principle of What is Best for ALL.

I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to stop myself from participating with the point of “preparing to react”. What I see within this point of that moment where I noticed that I was preparing to react in my normal preprogrammed way was that this was very “routine” and based on my past experiences with work where I during the entire time of working at a job, I would often be existing within this negative state where the I was backchatting to myself

“you can do it”

And saying “ Ok Andrew , you can do this”

“Ok, I can do it”

Where this kind of back-chat was always in relation to a negative experience I was accepting and allowing myself to have/participate with/come over me.

I am also seeing the prominent back-chat point of – “I am exhausted”

Though overall here I am specifically looking at my pre-programmed negative state that I have accepted and allowed myself to Participate With, in relation to the point of work, where I would have all sorts of excuses to why this “negative state” is valid – such as “I work to much”, “ I work to long hours”, “I don’t have any time for anything else”, “I can’t handle this”.

One Key point here that I see is the point of “Free Time” and how I have accepted and allowed myself to use this point of “free time” as a manipulation point within supporting my accepted and allowed “negative state” towards work/jobs, and so

I commit myself to change my starting point of who I am, and thus change “who I am” and so thus assist and support myself to “Do What is Best For ALL” within this I see, realize, and understand that any “emotional response” is a point of self manipulation and that also it “supporting me” as this is showing me that there is points within me that is not yet Aligned to “What is Best for ALL” and so can use my “emotional reactions/states” as reference points for me to explore and apply writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to no more accept and allow myself to manipulate myself with emotional reactions.

I commit myself to start new, and start afresh from a starting point of Self Support, and Utilizing each moment in an effective way that Stand in and as Self Honesty. Within this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop participating in pre-programmed behaviour in relation to work such as accepting and allowing myself to go into a Negative Energy Experience in relation to work, and also to assist and support myself to stop all the pre-programmed back-chat excuses and justifications that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize to justify my emotional experiences in relation to work.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a “Fear that I will hate my job” Stop myself immediately and breath. I see, realize and understand that FEAR is NEVER valid and so can know that this is the mind and so not participate. I can also here assist and support myself by “Sticking the Physical Facts” to get some real-time feedback on if the job is practically effective. Simply going into “fear that I will hate my job” without even setting foot at the jobs is an obvious indication of the mind coming into play and so here I can investigate what pictures come up inside me which is causing/triggering this fear experience of “fear of hating my job”



I see that part of this fear is also related to “fear of not changing”. I see the point that if I change myself than my experience of myself at work will change because my experience of myself at work that I accepted and allowed in my past is in direct relationship to what I accept and allow as me and exist as as me. Thus the only way I would re-create this experience that I am Fearing is by staying exactly the same and doing everything exactly in the same way so that the same experience manifest. Here I Direct myself to take Self Responsibility for my experience at work where I realize that it is me that must change, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself through Writing as the process of slowing myself down and investigating my inner self/inner experience in detail and specificity, directing myself to become more able to see what is going on inside me and how I am actually existing as and moving around and functioning in and as me. Self Forgiveness, as the process of releasing the past from within and as me and taking apart in minute detail the inner structure of Myself as The Mind that I have created and constructed myself as, and Self Corrective Application as the process of Willing myself to Change my Physical Living Behaviours and Patterns and the point of Change that will determine what I accept and allow in where When/as I In Fact Change within myself, my outer reality will reflect this.

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Andrew
Posts: 804
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 05 Oct 2012, 07:27

“I can only do so much in a day” as Self Manipulation – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 150
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-150/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into resistance when my boss started talking about the upcoming schedule for work because he was mentioning me not getting a day off because I just started working.
I see, realize, and understand that part of my reaction had to do with how before the schedule was mentioned I had already been imagining within my mind me having the weekend off and had formed the idea/impression that I would only work regular hours Monday to Friday and get weekends off and so within this had actually put energy into building this perception of how I imagined working this job would be where then I started forming ‘attachments’ to the ideas/pictures/imaginings within my mind of the perception I was creating about how I thought the job would be like, and in particular invested time and attention into the aspect/dimension of the perception which included think and imagining about what I would do with my days off where I was seeing within my mind, me at home during the weekend working on the computer and so also started to schedule things to do on my “days off” and so also not realizing that I was forming a relationship/connection with my perception which was shattered when my boss mentioned the ACTUAL schedule and so I experienced a point of resistance, and which was in part due to the expectance of “time off” and also due to the relationships I established with the ideas of what I would do with myself when I get my time off. And so
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ahead in my life and “look forwards” to ‘time-off’ instead simply being here and focusing on being effective within the moments I Live in as they are here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be one who does not like working.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist working long hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “working long hours” as a ‘bad thing’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working long hours
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working for long terms at a time where I do not get time off, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to cope or function effectively within my life if I were to work every day at my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life falling apart and me not having any time for anything else but work if I work every day without getting days off.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into resistance at the idea of working long hours because I believe/feel I will not be able to get any Desteni stuff done at all and I will completely fall behind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to work long hours and still get other practical things done in my world, but have believed that if I work long hours that everything else will fall apart in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that working long hours, gets in the way of other “more important things” and that “I don’t have time for working long hours” as I must get home and do more important things, like write my daily blog.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my job and “working long hours” for the reason why I do not get to doing my Desteni Related Things or particularly have not found time to get moving on my Desteni I Process assignment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that working long hours and long terms of work “wares me down” where within this I accept and allow myself to use the excuse that “I am to tired from work” to avoid walking my DIP assignment and other desteni related tasks.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be more effective and direct in my living actions so that I ensure I work on my DIP assignment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my application of Self Support within the context of doing my daily writings as well as working on my DIP assignments where I have in essence place a ‘cap’ on “what I am capable of in a day” where for instance when I work, I apparently “use up all my energy” and so later in the evening I am apparently “unable to be effective within my assignments and writings”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I work during the day doing physical labour, that this means I will be tired during the evening and will not be able to do anything productive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder within my mind “how do people do it” in terms of thinking within myself about the point of how I can become more effective within my daily application where in for instance I am more directive as a consistent constant application of myself and not have this points of self application simply stop after work, or when I reach a certain hour in the evening, due to how I have accepted and allowed myself to “set up” and structure myself within and as “what I do” as my physical living expression, which based on the parameters I have given myself, have ended up limiting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my physical living application in relation to time where my concept of time becomes a factor/element within the equation as the definition I have created this is and that governs my physical living application where for instance “I can only do so much in a day” from the perspective that at night “I get tired” and that in the morning “its to early to do something” instead of my physical living application being a constant and consistent point of self expression instead of this waxing and waning in relation to the concept of time that I have developed.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application explore and and investigate the resistance I have to “working” and to understand the relationships that I have created/formed throughout my life in relation to this point so to assist and support myself to step out of my Energy Experience in relation to Working and simply be here and self directive in every moment, no matter what I am doing.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to stabilize my Self Application/Expression so that it is constant and consistent where I am simply Here in every moment applying myself in consistent stable way, and not a point where for instance I go to work and exert myself and come home and relax or “have no energy left” but to assist and support myself to Align myself within and as Constant and Consistent Physical Application and simply removing “energy” from the equation, as I see, that at the moment I am still accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the mind where I see that I am “making distinctions” between being at work and then when I get home and do a different task, and then move onto writing, instead of this simply being a constant expression that is stable and consistent.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that as long as a Day Off and a Day at Work have different values, then I still require to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to bring myself to a point of Equality within my Actions/Expression, no more accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by forming various different positive and negative values on that which I do, which is constantly influencing my experience and decision making.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application explore and and investigate the resistance I have to “working” and to understand the relationships that I have created/formed throughout my life in relation to this point so to assist and support myself to step out of my Energy Experience in relation to Working and simply be here and self directive in every moment, no matter what I am doing.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to stabilize my Self Application/Expression so that it is constant and consistent where I am simply Here in every moment applying myself in consistent stable way, and not a point where for instance I go to work and exert myself and come home and relax or “have no energy left” but to assist and support myself to Align myself within and as Constant and Consistent Physical Application and simply removing “energy” from the equation, as I see, that at the moment I am still accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the mind where I see that I am “making distinctions” between being at work and then when I get home and do a different task, and then move onto writing, instead of this simply being a constant expression that is stable and consistent.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that as long as a Day Off and a Day at Work have different values, then I still require to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to bring myself to a point of Equality within my Actions/Expression, no more accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by forming various different positive and negative values on that which I do, which is constantly influencing my experience and decision making.
I see, realize, and understand that the reason I resist working long hours is related in part to the idea that “it is always better somewhere else” where in the resistance is in relation to an idea I have formed about “it always being better someone else” and also that “I am limited” within some moments during my day particularly when I am working or at my job – and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align myself to HERE and Self Stability within my job/working so that I can be Totally Here within my physical expression during my moments at work and not more accepting and allowing myself to wonder off into thinking that “its better somewhere else” or that “I am limited at work” as I see both of these points are ideas that I have formed and created and accepted and allowed as myself as the mind, and thus is the MIND, instead of me being here in and as my human physical body working/expressing.
When and as I see myself going into an experience of fear towards “working long hours” I immediately stop and I breath, I realize that in that moment I am accepting and allowing myself to access pre-programmed ideas/definitions that I have associated to/ formed about “working long hours” I commit myself to stop all energetic experiences/movements as part of my process of stopping the mind and so in such moments where I see a “fear experience” come up in relation to working/jobs and particularly “working long hours” I stop and breath and bring myself back here to breath within the understanding that this “fear experience reaction is my mind” and so stabilize myself back here in and as the physical where I am stable and clear.
I see that this idea that “I am not able to cope or function effectively within my life if I work every day at my job and do not get much time off” is a perception point that In fact utilize as “back-chat” to manipulate myself to remain within the belief that “this is true” Thus I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to find SOLUTIONS to this point of working long hours where during this time, I Commit myself to in fact Direct myself to work within Solutions as ways of being effective within my living still, where I Direct myself to get all my practical responsibilities done effectively and with precision, instead of accepting and allowing myself to give attention and energy to the idea/excuse that “I cannot cope or function effectively when I don’t get time off work” Thus I see one Key within this Solution of Being Functionally Effective within my Life while I am working a full-time job daily, is to 1. Utilize The Time I have available to me each Day Effectively and stop wasting it on that which do not support me” and 2. Focus on Aligning myself with a Consistent application that is Stable, Here, one and the same whether I am at work or not where I can stop “thinking about the days when I will have a day off” and realize instead that a more Sustainable Solution is to Consider how to become functionally effective within the context of Eternity or that if for instance I must work every day, and so within this bringing to the fore the point of simply being Effective with the time I do have available to me and stop ‘waiting for tomorrow or when I have time off to do it”.
I see, realize, and understand that I in fact have time slots during my day where I could be more effective with where I give my attention to/ How I utilize my time, and that this kind of time management will be essential in relation to working long hours at work or simply working a full-time job, where I am able to simply practice being effective within my Daily Responsibilities with writing and completing my lessons after or before work even.

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Andrew
Posts: 804
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 06 Oct 2012, 07:30

Addicted To My Snooze Button - An Artists Journey To Life: day 151
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... ostpost=v2


So I have finding it difficult to get up in the mornings. This is not a new point, I have really fought with this point for the last 2 years since coming back from the farm. And I see that there has been a pattern that has “set-in” now that particularly came up during my last job.
The pattern was that I would set my alarm to 5am and then wake up at 6am to get up and go to work. And often I would get out of bed at the very last minute and leave directly to work.
During the weekends or days off, I would not set my alarm and there would be this relief within myself that I did not have to set my alarm.
I see this relief point is related to work/job and the point of getting up in the mornings to go to work.
I would set my alarm for 5am and then when I woke up at 5am I would be so grateful that I did not have to get out of bed. I loved that feeling of knowing I can sleep longer. It is similar to that “experience of relief” within myself when realizing that I do not have to set my alarm and get up to it. Its like a point of being free.
I do not enjoy the experience of having to get up directly to my alarm because every morning when I wake up I do not want to leave the warmth of the covers and continually hit the snooze button until I finally ‘have’ to get up and go to work so as not to be late.
Days when I do not work, the experience is similar in terms of when I do wake up, I don’t get out of bed but I like pull the covers over my head and relish in the heat and warmth and the not having to ‘force’ myself out of bed, because that is how I feel/experience this point of getting up to my alarm or just getting up normally. I Experience myself having to force myself out of bed. It’s like I just want to lay and bed and not get up, and the entire time I am knowing/telling myself that “I should just get up”
What I would like to do is get up immediately in the first breath, but when it comes down to it, I allow that “first-thought” to come up. And instead of getting up immediate in the first breath, go into for instance a question instead – “Should I Get Up?” which is already the point of me accepting the resistance to getting up.
The point of setting the alarm for 1 hour before I have to get up is like creating 1 hour of heaven for myself in my life that I experience as a form of pleasure and enjoyment where I can have that experience of hitting the snooze button and have that experience of making the statement “I will Sleep a bit longer” and that “I don’t have to get up”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to sleeping and not want to give up that experience that I have in the mornings where I can lay in bed half asleep in the warmth of my covers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop the pattern of hitting the snooze button on my alarm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my alarm goes off experience resistance and immediately think about not getting up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the thought of “not getting up” when I open my eyes where this thought of “not getting up” is one, if not the first thought that comes up within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought “I don’t want to get up” to come up within me immediately when I open my eyes in the morning.
I forgive myself for not realizing that in by accepting the thought “I don’t want to get up” as well as the thought/thinking as the question “should I stay in bed” to come up within me that I am already accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the mind in the morning and thus have already opened the door for me to just stay in bed, instead of simply eliminating the question altogether as I see that The question of “should I stay in bed” is based in self interest and is not actually best for me in any way or best for all in any way, but only best for my self interested experience, and so thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I was entertaining self interest within this pattern of sleeping in the mornings and thus allowing that self interest to come through which means that I have already accepted this self interest as who I am, within the question “should I stay in bed”
I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply eliminate the question “should I stay in bed” where the Solution here is to no more accept and allow myself to allow such a question within my self in the morning but simply Get Up immediately.
I see, realize, and understand that the question of “should I stay in bed” within the context that I ask myself this question is always self interest based.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the question “should I stay in bed” instead of “what does the day have in store for me” where within what I have accepted and allowed I am making the statement that “I do not want to get up in face my day” but am in fact resisting extensively facing my world/reality, which is why I would rather stay in bed and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing my world/reality extensively, which shows every morning by my position of just wanting to sleep and sleep and not wanting to pry myself out of bed.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support myself to get up in the mornings immediately in the first breath, because if I do, then I would no more have the experience of myself within that blissful sleep state which I do not want to give up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give up my blissful peace state because if I give this up than all that will be there is coldness and deadness that is the world waiting for me outside my nice warm cozy soft fluffy comfortable covers.

Tbc....


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