Andrew's Journey To Life

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 07 Oct 2012, 07:46

Addicted To My Snooze Button – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 152
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-152/

This blog is a continuation of the blog post – “Addicted to My Snooze Button – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 151

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually participate/exist within back-chat of “I do not have to get up” / “I will not get up” / “Should I stay in bed” / I really don’t want to get up” / “man I want to sleep right now” / “Why am I so tired” and also other back-chat in this similar nature all working together to create this entire idea within me in relation to getting up in the morning and who I am within this and how I act according to this, and thus not realizing that within accepting and allowing myself to participate with / engage in/ give attention to these back-chat statements inside me only perpetuate and strengthen my accepted and allowed behaviour and pattern that I have created and lived as my living behaviour within getting up in the morning where I “find it so difficult to get up in the morning” and so thus

When and as I see myself participating in the back-chat that supports this current accepted and allowed pattern that I am living as “me finding it difficult to get up in the mornings” I stop and breath and bring myself back to here. I see/realize/understand that by participating in the back-chat related to this pattern as stated above is exactly how I keep myself locked into this idea/pattern/behaviour, and so I assist and support myself to bring myself back here when ever I see myself participating in any back-chat/inner conversations or thinking/picturing related to the idea/pattern/behaviour that I have manifested as myself of “finding it difficult to get up in the mornings” and so within stopping my participations in the back-chat mind dimension of this particular behaviour I can assist and support myself to change/correct myself from within this particular pattern that is only there to serve my own self interested experience and nothing and not one else, to then Align myself with what is best for all where my sleeping patterns become a living expression based on the principle of what is best for all and thus support what is best for all. And so thus as I walk my process of getting out of the mind and into the physical I also thus align my sleeping patterns within this as well from “out of the mind” as the point of basing my sleep on the inner thoughts and energy experiences based on in my own self interest, and “into the physical” where I am in fact moving myself according the physical and simply sleeping the required amount of time I require and not allowing the mind to step in and tell me I must sleep more as I see, realize and understand that so many times I even see I am not tired but lay in bed anyways, or other times simply giving in straight away to what my mind tells me first thing in the morning such as “I don’t want to get up” and thus to Re-Assert myself as SELF Direction where I utilize principles based on common sense and what is best for all to Direct me according to.



I commit myself to assist and support myself to assert myself within the principle of “what is best for all” and stop protecting my self interested experience which has saturated all parts of my life including my sleeping habits which I see/realize/understand is still being dictated by my self interest instead.

I commit myself to flag point the experience within me of me “not wanting to give up my experience of sleeping in” as I find this to be quite strange that I would in fact give value to this experience within my life which to me indicate a resistance to actually being awake and fully self aware and directive and would rather instead exist in a half aware state as that state I am in when sleeping in in the mornings, and so thus I Commit myself to remind myself of this aspect of the point of sleeping in and to thus I commit myself to direct myself to be Fully Self Aware and Fully Self Directive in every moment as I see, realize and understand that anything less than this is in fact me accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as a Lesser Capacity and thus am actually limiting myself in my Expression as Life. This does not mean that I will not sleep at this stage but that I am here referring to those moments where I am sleeping in as “dictated by the mind” where I allow myself to go into inner conversations and linger in bed instead of Directing me to Get up and out of bed and into and as Full Awareness, and thus assisting and supporting myself to become Self Responsible in my life and take responsibility for Me in every moment.

I see, realize and understand that I fear to set my alarm to the exact time that I get up because then this imply that I will no more have the experience of me “getting to sleep in in the mornings” and so thus, I commit myself to set my alarm for the time that I am going to get up and in the moment when my alarm goes off, do not listen to my mind or inner conversations, but simply sit up immediately so as to not give myself the opportunity to go into the mind where the snooze button only support my mind pattern of “wanting to sleep” and so in no way support me to be self directive in the morning and a much more effective self corrective application here is to set my alarm to the exact time that I must get up and in that moment when the alarm goes off – Get Up! Within the first breath and direct myself to sit up and step out of bed so that I am up.

When and as I see/experience resistance in the morning to getting up when my alarm goes off, I simply do not participate in this resistance or go into it and allow myself to hesitate for a moment due to this resistance but direct me to continue through with my self corrective application of simply getting up straight away where I commit myself to in the mornings assist and support myself to get up in the first breath where when I open my eyes, I simply take a breath and then sit up out of bed and stand up and get myself some clothes on. Within this I also direct me to stop all participation with thoughts about “wanting to go back to bed” or “wanting to experience the warmth of my covers” as to participate in such thoughts after I get up or even the night before as I prepare for bed only created inner conflict and strain as it is in contradiction to my self corrective application of assisting and supporting myself to Align my sleeping patterns to Self Responsibility and Self Direction.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 08 Oct 2012, 08:19

Getting Out of Bed. – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 153
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-153/


This blog is a continuation of the blog posts

“Addicted to My Snooze Button – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 151

“Addicted to my Snooze Button Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 152



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up in the morning think about what I have to do during my day and then when thinking about things I resist doing, do not want to get up out of bed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself wandering in my house and not knowing what to do and not having anything to do, and then in relation to this picture make the statement “What will I do?” (If I get up) and then continuing with this vein of thought bringing myself to the point from “What will I do” to “I won’t know what to do” to “I don’t have anything to do” and thus based on this sequence of back-chat experience a disappointment within me in “not knowing what to, or having anything to do – Disappointment due to not enjoying the point of facing myself when I am uncertain in a moment of how to direct me, and so within this experience I am creating within me, decide to just stay in bed so as not to have to go out and face this “projection” that I have created within myself as I lay in bed of what it will be like when I get out of bed which is thus ultimately the point of Facing Myself. And then so simply lay there and pull my covers tight/snug around my shoulders/body which is the physical behaviour of “me staying in bed” instead of walking the physical self correction of moving my covers off of my body and directing me to sit up and then stand up out of bed where I am now physically standing up and then proceed to get dressed, and so to not Manifest the point of sleeping in where I just end up eventually getting up and experiencing now myself being behind and wishing I would have gotten up earlier when I had the chance, and so thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass up golden opportunities to get up and out of bed and actually wake up straight away in the mornings, instead of accepting and allowing myself to linger in bed which always end up causing me to experience inner frustration and irritation and anger with myself for not taking the opportunities I had already in the morning to get up like for instance when I first opened my eyes.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to push myself in that moment when I first open my eyes to actually get up where I physically in that moment move the covers off of my body and sit up and then stand up out of bed so that I am Up.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as soon as I make the decision to sleep longer or “not get up immediately” I then accept and allow myself to “go back into the mind” which has the consequence of supporting the mind to have the directive principle over me instead of me assisting and supporting myself to be Self Directive and so see here the consequence of allowing myself to when I open my eyes in the morning to make that decision to stay in bed instead of directing myself up immediately.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am in my bed in the morning think about what I will do when I get up, and then up comes the back-chat “I don’t know what to do” and in that moment decide to stay in bed based on the idea I formed in relation to the back-chat “I don’t know what to do” where I believed that I will not know what to do and that I will have nothing to do, and I will just be wandering around doing nothing, and so then decide to stay in bed.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to based my getting out of bed on first having to know exactly what I will do, and that if “I have nothing to do” or “don’t know what to do” resist getting out of bed and thus just stay in bed under the warm covers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that “I have nothing to do, and won’t know what to do” to influence me by influencing me to make the decision to stay in bed.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to resist getting out of bed where I experience resistance to getting up in the morning in relation to the back-chat “I don’t have anything to do”

I forgive myself for not realizing that it is not necessary for me to know what to do – That is Not the Point. The point is to firstly assist and support myself to physically get out of bed and get dressed, and then once that first initial point is done, to then direct myself in the moment to procede with my daily living.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to direct myself to physically get up out of bed in the mornings on my first breath, where in that moment I take one breath and then physically direct myself up and out of bed, so as to not create the consequence of sinking into the indulgences of the mind where I may end up which I have before sleeping for an hour or 2 longer which is in essence often me just thinking about things and participating within and as the mind which only give my mind power over me instead of me assisting and supporting myself to become the directive principle of myself, taking Responsibility for what I create as me as what I accept and allow myself to participate in.

I commit myself to when and as the alarm goes off in the morning or I open my eyes in the morning to take a breath and get up out of bed in the first breath, and in doing this simply eliminating now the entire point of accessing my mind during that moment which I had done previously which I see, realize and understand is in fact not necessary for making a decision to get out of bed, it is a decision that is immediate and lived as the getting up and standing up out of my bed, and that I see, realize and understand that in by simply getting up immediately I will assist and support myself to stop this entire back-chat mind barrage which is actually and can be quite extensive in terms of points within my life where I allow the most mind engagement, and so by getting up in the first breath I am assisting and supporting myself to be more here and more self directive.

I see, realize and understand that I do not have to know what I am going to do before I get out of bed and that this back-chat related to “not knowing what to do” when I get of bed is my mind, and thus I commit myself to simply focus on getting out of bed initially in the morning and then from there once I am up, proceed with directing myself within my reality, now that I have directed me out of me bed, instead of accepting and allowing myself to go into the long drawn-out inner conversations and debates and dreaming that only keep me in bed and in my mind.

I see, realize, and understand that I do not require a thinking process to get out of bed but that all I require is s simply physical act or physically moving the covers off of me and sitting up then standing up.

I commit myself to simply focus on the point of “getting up in the mornings” first and foremost, and not “what I should be doing” and so take these points one at a time, where firstly I get myself out of bed and into my physical living application then can decide what to do from there.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 09 Oct 2012, 04:28

6:00am – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 154
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-154/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 6:00am as early.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inferior to my own definition of/as ‘6:00am being early’ from the perspective of how I will react in fear to it being before 7am when I get up in relation to me “being Not able to get up” based on how I have performed in terms of getting up before 7am in my past where I have layered experiences within myself as memories/moments of me “not being able to get up” if it is “still in the sixes” due to my accepted and allowed belief that “this is to early”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within myself when I wake up and look over and see the clock is “still in the 6’s” ‘fear’ from the perspective of knowing that I will not get up, and so thus fear actually facing this moment of me attempting and trying to will myself out of bed before 7am due to experiences and memories of me doing this in my past and being unsuccessful or really struggling with this and so now at this stage “do not even want to try” and so within this have here given my power as my directive principle away to Time, particularly my personal definition of how 6am is early.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 6am as early and not even questioning my own definition that I have given power to but have just accepted this definition as is, and allow it to control me and determine when I get out of bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is a bad thing to get up early, like for instance 6am, especially when I have a day off work, because then “I am wasting an opportunity to sleep in” and so thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “sleeping in” as an activity that has value in my life where it is something that I actually fear losing as something that I will not have as an aspect part of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define/describe not having a day where I could/can sleep in throughout my week as something that “I can’t imagine” where it is something I see I have developed an addiction to as something that “I simply do not want to go without” and just “can’t imagine” not being able to do in the very least once per week where I believe that if I am not able to do this, at least once a week, that I will get irritated and agitated and anxious within me, believing that “I won’t be able to handle my life without the aspect/part of “Sleeping In”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to the number/time 6:00 where I immediately react to it when I wake up in the morning and it is around this time where even if I went to bed early will still not get up before this time, even if I wake up around this time and am awake.

Here I am simply bringing awareness to myself in relation to this point of 6:00am as I have noticed that I do not want to get out of bed around this time as I have defined it as not only ‘Early’ but ‘Too Early’ where its like if I see this time on the clock I will just roll over and close my eyes, not wanting to face myself in relation to getting out of bed at or around 6:00am especially not before than as that is like “Just to early!” and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the inner back-chat conversations within myself about getting up before 6:am as being “Too Early To Get Up” and something “I just will not do because its too early” not ever questioning myself on this but just obeying my “inner logic” as the back-chat statements that come up within me in relation to time/6:00am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting enough sleep and so am watching the clock later at night and in the morning where I fear not getting enough sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “fear not getting enough sleep” due to my accepted and allowed belief that this will back-fire on me where I simply will not be very effective during my day if “I do not get enough sleep” and so do not even bother to challenge or question my accepted and allowed pre-programmed concepts of time and sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define it as “not possible” to get up every day for a week at 6am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the back-chat within me “why bother taking on this point, you will fail and just go back to how things were anyways” in relation to sleep, and in such a statement allow my fear of not being able to change my behaviours and patterns in relation to sleep direct me, instead of me directing myself within common sense consideration of what will actually support me in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat statement “now is not the time because of work/my job” in relation to working with this point of sleep and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my accepted and allowed experience of myself within getting up ‘early’ in the morning influence me from the perspective of making me not want to face this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate sleeping in with happiness and joy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate sleeping in with a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself associate sleeping in with a positive energetic charge because when I am in bed, I am able to ‘do nothing’ and I do not have to get up and face myself within the point of facing me within taking responsibility for myself and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sleep to avoid and hide from taking responsibility for myself and my life.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 10 Oct 2012, 06:40

Investigating My Apparent “NEED” to Sleep-In. – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 155
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-155/


I commit myself to re-assess my current accepted and allowed concept/definition of time and to Align this with Equality and Oneness and what is best for all instead of how it is now where it is Aligned in such a way where I am still using time to hide within, like for instance in sleeping in “because its to early”, where it becomes an excuse to hide from facing myself here in Full Self Awareness where I must Act and Direct me in my Waking Life, and so thus in assisting and supporting myself within re-aligning my definition of sleep and time to equality and oneness and what is best for all, assist and support myself to become more self directive in my life where I am assisting and supporting myself to Stand Here in Full Self Awareness in every moment and Facing Myself and Directing Me in a way that is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into my automatic pre-programmed reaction in relation to it being around 6am where I, when I wake up and look at my clock and see a time that is around 6am, I get tense/go into fear of this and instead of facing myself within this point of getting out of bed, I just go back to sleep as a way to just make the experience of me go away, when and as I see myself reacting to the time in this way, I stop myself from going into my immediate pre-programmed definition of 6am or anything close to this, as being “Too Early” particularly I stop my accepted and allowed Automated Fear Reaction that comes up and completely possess me in that moment where I want no part of this time at all and just close my eyes and go back to sleep if I am not required to get up for work, And so I Stop this Automated behaviour and I Breath. I realize that what I am doing is simply responding in an automated way to this particular point of getting up at 6am due to how I have defined/experienced/lived this point in the past, instead of in fact questioning this automated point and actually Re-Aligning Myself as this point so that it in fact support what is best for all and what is best for me and so thus I commit myself to within realizing how I have been normally reacted in relation to this point, to in such a moment stop and breath and to Assess in Self Honesty if I am actually tired or/and looking/seeing where it is in fact this automated experience and behaviour that is coming up/triggering, and thus if within seeing that it is in fact my self accepted pre-programmed behaviour that is “coming up” here I thus Take a breath and stabilize myself within realizing that it makes no sense to just “go off of” my automated behaviour/reaction/experience in this case but to instead assist and support myself to re-align this particular point/aspect of my life into and as what is best for all and thus into and as a self supportive application and so thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to actually get out of bed when “it is still in the 6’s” and thus also here to if I see back-chat coming up about it being to early, and trying to convince me to stay and sleep, I remain here in and as breath and Assert myself to when I wake up and it is “still in the 6’s” to take a breath and focus on this moment of taking a breath and then physically sitting up in bed and getting up, Here also I direct myself to not linger in bed as this only makes it more difficult in where if I simply take a breath and then proceed to getting up, then I am up and that is that.



I commit myself to when and as I wake up and notice that the time is “still in the 6’s” I Direct myself to take a breath and physically sit up in bed and step out and stand up and proceed to get dressed, in where I no more accept and allow myself to react in my automated behaviour and experience in relation to it being 6am where I just close my eyes and go back to sleep and just accept that “its to early”. I see, realize, and understand that my concept of time is based on my mind and not in fact based on or is in relationship to my human physical body in terms of what is to early or not, but that I have instead just programmed myself to not get up when its “really early” due to my fear that this will cause me to be not able to function properly during my day or that if I get up this early that I will “not get anything done” and that “it will be a waste of time” due to me not usually being up that early and so believing that I will just be to tired to be able to do anything, and so to simply avoid this entire point, just sleep until after 7am at least as then I “Know” that I am able to get up and function in Full Awareness, I see, realize and understand that all these worries and concerns and statements within me is my mind and back-chat and just me as the mind attempting to get me to continue in such behaviour as this behaviour of sleeping in and here also accepting my pre-programmed definition of time supports the mind, and so thus I commit myself to breath and when I see all these back-chats and worries coming up, to focus on my physical self corrective application of me taking a breath and then moving myself to physically move myself out of bed and proceeding to get dressed.

I, see/realize/understand that my experience that comes up inside of me in the mornings when it is time to get up from the perspective of all the pictures, back-chat, energetic reactions and physical behaviours is related to how I have manifested and layered this particular point within and as me in terms of my living in the past and so this way have created this very specific experience of and as myself in the mornings where I experience this point of “getting up in the mornings” the same way each morning.

Thus I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application and self investigation/introspection to look at all the points related to “my sleep experience” so that I can within this understand every part of my experience/myself in relation to this point, and within this assisting and supporting myself to Align this particular point to what is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to Align my sleeping patterns to what is best for all, and within this walk with me during this process exploring the various different aspects of which all come up in relation to this point of “sleeping in” or for instance having accepted and allowed myself to define and live out the definition that “6am is early” and so in fact assisting and supporting myself to walk out of my current accepted and allowed sleeping patterns that is more aligned with the mind/self interest/giving up and into alignment with effective self support as Self Responsibility.

I see, realize, and understand the importance of actually understanding the multiple various dimensions of how I have created my current experience in relation to and as Sleep, and thus I commit myself and Direct myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to in fact go into the depths of the different dimensions, networks, layers within me that is all working together to culminate into my current sleeping patterns that I am living.

I commit myself to assist and support myself here to “take back my power” by though stopping “giving my power away” to my mind as back-chat and energy experiences that that come up as my “Sleeping In Character” that activate straight away in the mornings often as soon as I open my eyes, where the very first thought I have is always about going back to sleep or not getting up right now.

I commit myself to within opening my eyes in the morning focus on my breathing and my human physical body and in this assist and support myself to transfer my attention to from the mind as the back-chat/internal conversations/thoughts that come up first thing in the morning when I open my eyes when I first wake up to me being here in Self Attention and in this Direct me to instead of moving myself through various inner conversations in my mind, Move myself as the physical and direct me to physically get up.

When and as I see myself in the mornings when I become aware of myself awake, going into the thought of me “wanting to sleep in because I may not get another opportunity to do so” I stop and breath and bring myself Here to and as The Physical. I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to participate with this point of “not wanting to miss out on an ‘opportunity’ to sleep in”, as the justification I give into to justify just going back to sleep. I see realize and understand that I have created the idea that if “I do not sleep in” that I will get tense and stressed out and not be able to function effectively, which is another reason why I have given value to “sleeping in” as I have defined it as “keeping me sane” and “necessary for my self stability” as “something I need” and “can’t go without” and that in defining it in such a way have given it quite a bit of power and thus when and as this point comes up inside of me in on particular mornings, I immediately give into it without hesitation, or very little hesitation just going with the justification, because of how I have in fact programmed this point within me in terms of all the various back-chats all linked to this point in terms of how I have accepted and allowed myself to define this point of “sleeping in in the mornings” with regards to my accepted belief of how it in fact is relating to my life. I see, realize, and understand that I am implying that I need and require to sleep in to be functional instead of assisting and supporting myself to be functional without sleeping in. And so I commit myself to assist and support myself to Direct me to Stop Sleeping in and within this Facing the points of me that come up within “not sleeping in” where in this I Commit myself to Walk through them in my process of Developing Self Stability as I Align myself and my application of me in a way that is best for all, which requires I letting go of “how I used to do things” and then Re-Aligning my Living in a practical way that is based in Self Responsibility.

I see, realize, and understand that “wanting at least one day to ‘sleep in’” is another way of saying that I want at least one day where I can hide from me and hide from my responsibilities. I see, that I do not in fact “’NEED’ to sleep in at least one day, but that I am able to not sleep in at all and simply be stable within myself and within my reality, and thus I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to participate in and as the justification that I “need” to sleep in, and so when and as I see this ‘reasoning’ as ‘back-chat’ come up coming up within myself in the mornings, where I start to experience a strain inside myself, not wanting to get out of bed, I Stop myself from going into this “experience of myself” in relation to this point of apparently ‘needing’ to sleep in, as I see that I is in fact NOT necessary that sleep in at all, and thus see the deception taking place here, and so Bring myself back here to or Ensuring that I am simply HERE and simply Stand Up through this excuse, meaning to in the moment I wake up and seeing this excuse starting to come up within me, to not go into it, as I see that is self manipulation and that I actually do NOT in fact “Need” to sleep in at all and so I correct myself within and as this particular Justification point, by Taking a breath remaining here as the physical and Directing myself Up and out of be, not a moments attention to this excuse/justification that “I ‘need’ to sleep in” and thus moving myself within and as my self corrective application by physically getting/standing up out of bed so that I am fully out of bed and standing up and getting myself dressed.

I see my “inner logic” as the excuses and justifications as back-chat within my mind that comes up in the mornings when I first become aware that I am awake leads to the physical living out of such logic/excuses/backchats where in I will for instance Roll Over, that statement of rolling over being quite a strong statement I am making which is the statement that “I am not getting up” “I am giving into my back-chat/mind, experience of myself / inner mind logic” and so here I commit myself to direct myself in the mornings when I become aware of myself awake in such a way where I stop my physical actions of living out my back-chat statements as the statement of me deciding to sleep in which takes place as a physical actions as the act of rolling over in my bed, instead, I do not accept and allow myself to roll over in the mornings when I become aware of myself being awake, instead of take one breath and immediately get myself up out of bed, and thus here assisting and supporting myself to “not take it to the rolling over phase” of my “Sleeping In Character” which is the phase where I am now physically living out the behaviour of sleeping in where I have already went through the initial dimensions of the mind such as the thought, back-chat, emotion/reaction/experience phase and am now onto the physical behaviour dimension, and so thus in the mornings when I first become aware of myself awake, I ensure that I do not accept and allow myself to take myself to that physical behaviour dimension of rolling over as the statement that “I am sleeping in” instead I stop this point before it gets there and simply immediately bring my attention to HERE, to my breathing and then in that moment move myself physically to get up, to physically live my self corrective behaviour of Supporting myself in a self supportive way.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 11 Oct 2012, 07:44

Fear of Anger and Aggression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 156
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-156/

An event occurred where I was driving with some individuals and I made a comment about something I observed about the road. One of the people I was with responded very quickly in a “very abrupt way” that was demanding and also very rude and mean and inconsiderate and simply unacceptable because it was overall abusive. Though I could not tell if the being was joking or not? So in that moment I was kind of paralyzed and was in my mind trying to figure out if the being was joking or serious. I simply made a comment and so realize that the “reactive comment” from the other being was exactly that – more of a reaction based on the stuff that was going on inside that being.

I see within myself that I tend to play a submissive role in relation to conflict in this way. But my experience of myself is so uncomfortable. I am going to have a look at this particular experience I had in this event that I described above and begin looking at this point within myself. This point where I fear conflict and get to the point where my total expressing becomes “how can I make sure this being does not react or get angry” I have noticed this about my expression and it annoys me because instead of sorting out my fear in relation to this, I just continue existing in this “fear of conflict or anger” and then bending and twisting my expression in such a way where it is all about “making sure things are ok”

I have recently noticed how I have started to just accept this experience/point within me and then living it out, meanwhile seeing exactly what I am doing, but over the last week or so, this point has opened up due to starting a new job and during walking this point of starting my job I have noticed how I have been “walking this question” of “will the people be nice” or “will the people be mean” and basically I have been busy with assessing “will I be able to work with these people” from the perspective of finding a point where it is a ‘fit’ so to speak. And also within this profiling the individuals I am working with to see if “I will end up being in an abusive situation” like for instance with my last job where I found my boss to be quite abusive in terms of him always yelling at his employees and taking his own inner problems out on the people around him through blame and projection, and so I don’t want to end up in another situation like that, and so Here what I want to explore is this point within myself of “Who I Am” in relation to this kind of conflict/aggression/anger as I see that I still react quite a bit to this type of stuff, like for instance in the truck today where its like I go into a kind of submissive paralysis, like locked in fear, and so I am going to start here within exploring this point so that I can assist and support myself to stand stable in the face of conflict where I simply no more react, and so am going to look at how I created myself to be within and as this “fear of conflict/fear of anger” point where now I notice/see myself manipulating my expression quite a bit to try and avoid this, instead of being able to stand in self stability in these types of situations and not react or take the points personally. I mean I cannot just avoid people all together – obviously not, though I see I also have to De-construct this aspect/part of myself so to stop fearing conflict and thus stop the point of so much of the time existing in constant fear and anxiety within myself which is not cool at all.

I am going to start with this point by looking at my experience I had today in relation to when a being responded to something I said in a way that defined as ‘attacking’/’conflictual’ etc… and thus experienced a fear that shocked me into a kind of paralysis.

SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately experience fear within me when I herd ‘x’ speak to me in what I perceived as an aggressive/attacking way, where based on the tonality/frequency /rhythm the being spoke, along with the specific words in the statement which included my name ‘Andrew’ as well as the word ‘Fuck’ where this reaction of fear happened so fast where it like rose up like a shock into my solar plexus where I experienced a kind of high tension anxiety within me where I felt also my upper back getting really tight and compressed where my entire self started to stiffen up, all in relation to that singular moment where I made the assessment/conclusion that I was being spoken to in a very particular way which I see/define as aggressive and/or attacking, to when in that refraction of a moment where It is like a switch goes off inside me and I realize within myself “I am having anger/aggression directed/projected towards/at me” this reactive experience of fear then instigate within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards the point of someone projecting/directing anger or aggression towards me/onto me where I actually trigger this fear experience in literally one instant that happens so fast within me like as fast as a switch being flicked where I move from an absolute state of ‘stability’ calmness into a total fear and anxiety experience where there is like a shift inside of me that occur in the moment where I make the connection/realization that “this anger/aggression is being projected onto me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear aggression and anger and particularly fearing others being aggressive/attacking/angry towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access a mind character in and as that moment/instant I assess that someone is projecting/directing anger or aggression towards me, in where I see this “Character Possession” in the way how I can be experiencing myself calm and stable in one moment, where in literally the next moment my entire state and beingness switch into anxiety and fear, and so in this moment, identify this as me “accessing a character” related to “how I handle aggression/anger in particular in relation to when I feel/believe/experience this to be projected onto me in an attacking/ accusing way.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive someone who projects/directs anger and or aggression towards me in an attacking accusing way has the right to do so and that it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid people that I find aggressive or that I find to be angry and or harsh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stay away from people who I find brash or harsh in their nature and demeanour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as weak in relation to people who I find harsh or brash from the perspective of “who I am” in relation to for instance facing a moment where this harshness/brashness is being projected/directed onto me for instance in the form of anger/aggression/accusations/blame where I see/experience me to be ‘softer’ and non-confrontational and so more accommodating/agreeable in such situations where I would more often not say anything or/and just accommodate/Absorb such brashness/harshness.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 13 Oct 2012, 06:04

Fear of Anger Character – Self Corrections (Part 2) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 157
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-157/

This is a continuation of

Fear of Anger and Aggression (Part 1) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 156

Self Corrections

I see/realize/understand that this reaction that I had in the moment when/where I perceived that I was being ‘attacked’ or having anger/aggression projected onto me where in I went into anxiety/fear/panic is a reaction that I have created over time within which now will automatically trigger within me as an Entire reaction that is encompassing my entire past history as well and so through time I have developed/cultivated this reaction to be quite specific as well as prominent within myself which is why the experience of myself within and as this reaction is so encompassing the entirety of me and stirs me up quite a bit.

I commit myself to investigate this point as my relationship to anger/conflict/aggression looking at the various points associated with this point like for instance “taking something personally” and also looking at specific memories where I had programmed this/a particular reaction into me, as well as looking at how my parents respond to anger/friction/conflict and so in this looking at all the various dimensions of this points so to assist and support myself to no more accept and allow this such reaction come up and “take over” me without me being able to do anything about it and thus allowing this reaction to have power over me instead of me being stable and here within and as myself self in all moments.

Another dimension I can explore is Sound as I see here that I often react in fear in relation to loud noises from the perspective of “fearing being in trouble” which is related to this point of “fear of aggression”

I see that allot of this reaction would have been designed and programmed during my childhood in relation to “getting in trouble from my parents” where I developed a fear and petrifaction within myself where when for instance if I would here a loud noise I would associate this with “anger” where then I would suddenly become afraid of “getting in the path of that anger” or having that anger being taken out on me.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application assist and support myself to slow myself within and as this point so that I can actually develop an understanding and awareness of this point that seemingly happens so fast, where in slowing this point down within and as me and assisting and supporting myself to look at this point and points similar to this one of where I go into the reaction of “fear of anger”, in slowing myself down I can assist and support myself to in fact see, realize and understand the actual process that I am moving through step by step by step in essence taking this “happens so fast” moment, and slowing it down so in to assist and support myself to start seeing and developing an awareness of what is in fact moving and triggering in and as this reaction.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to direct myself to slow myself down so in to see more clearly the steps that are actually taking place that are creating my experience of myself that to me often just seems like one experience that I am having where I have not yet slowed myself down enough to see all the process and steps that have one by one in fact created my total experience that I now just kind of experience like a kind of blur experience and not seeing that it is in fact created as an accumulation of steps that if I slow myself down I can get to know and see how each step is unfolding and thus assist and support myself to in fact understand my experience and myself instead of just existing as a slave to my experience of me which I have not understanding of how I have in fact created my experience in exact detail and iota.

I commit myself to investigate why and how I have come to fear specifically “’others’ being angry at me”

I see/realize/understand this reaction to be “Character Based” meaning that in this reaction as “fear of anger” I am stepping into a Character which already has its pre-programmed behaviour and way of being already mapped out to which I automatically step into like a suit, and thus in a singular moment upload this character into and as me with all the pre-programmed mechanisms already in place for me to now act out accordingly, where this character has been programmed over a life-time through various experiences, memories, acceptances and allowances etc that when into this character which now active in its totality in moments where and perceive someone to be projecting anger onto me or where I “fear anger” where for instance I hear someone angry at a distance where I automatically fear that point because I fear that anger being directed/taken out on me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through observing myself in self awareness to ensure that I am aware of what is going on within me, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application – deconstruct this/my “fear of anger character” so as to when I am faced with moments where someone in my environment is angry or aggressive that so not simply react and active/upload into me my pre-set character that I then go through the programmed motions, behaviours, experiences, belief, and all the various dimensions of this character, but am able to simply remain here in and as breath no more going into the “fear and anxiety” that exist as a part of this “fear of anger” character.

I see/realize/understand that part of this point of seeing/defining beings as having “the right to be angry” is related to how I have not yet understood my own reaction of fear where in essence I am still “believing my own fear”

I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to understand in detail how I have come to “accept my fear as real” where in I make this statement of “my fear is real” each time I accept and allow myself to become possessed by such an experience instead of actually ‘sourcing’ the fear back to its origins and understanding what the fear is actually related to and how I have created it specifically through an accumulation process throughout my life.

I commit myself to investigate the judgements and opinions that I have created towards/associate to/with people who I define as angry, aggressive, or harsh as I see, realize and understand that I must in fact be able to stand HERE one and equal to all beings as the process of birthing myself as Actual Life, and thus that my opinions/judgments towards people I define as angry/aggressive/harsh is related to the Characters that I have created and exist as within/as myself in such a way where I have defined myself within a point of superiority towards others which is only always EGO and thus not life in equality at all, and related to Myself as Characters which are always based on competition, survival and winning, and not what is best for all.

I see that this point of “wanting to stay away from” people who I find brash or harsh is a point of avoidance and not in fact me supporting me to face my own reactions/judgements that I have created within myself and now exist within in relation to specific points in my reality, where instead I have taken the approach of avoidance to try and stabilize myself instead of facing, investigating and getting to how I created myself within my “fear of anger” reactions, and thus applying writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to actually assist and support myself to sort out my reactions and myself so that I am able to face my reality and do not go into a point of suppression and avoidance which is actually making the statement that Fear is My Controller and thus me suppressing my living expression to hide from fear where Fear has become more than me within my world and thus has become my god, my fear, my controller which instead of facing eye to eye within walking the necessary process of self investigation, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to get to know this/my Fear.



I commit myself to instead of hiding from and trying to avoid my “fear of anger” to actually face this point within myself which I do through writing, self forgiveness and self correction. So that I can actually expand myself within my living instead of suppressing me into a corner in trying to hide from my fear instead of in fact getting to know it and facing it within and as my process of writing and living myself to freedom. And so I commit myself to face/investigate my “fear of anger” instead of just leaving it hanging and thus continuing to exist CONSTANTLY in FEAR in my environment which is not a cool way to live as this creates allot of anxiety within me as well where I am always tense and not able to breath and be stable here in my environment because of Not facing this fear within me and within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application actually moving myself to Self Understanding and Self Awareness within and as this point as a point/process of assistance and support.

I see/realize/understand that I have created a kind of polarity equation here where I have defined myself as the opposite of harsh or brash and thus

I commit myself to explore the relationship between the point of harshness and/or brashness and how I have defined myself in and as opposition to this point where I have defined me as non-confontational / gentle / soft.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 14 Oct 2012, 06:31

Future Plans Met With Self Disappointment – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 158
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-158/


Last night I was having a conversation and the point of psychology came up as something that I might actually enjoy taking in school and would be effective at. My interest peaked immediately as this was something I have thought about previously and recently also. The whole point of going to school though seems like a distant dream and something that more is a ‘distraction’ than an actual Practical Consideration. Within making this statement I experience Sadness and Disappointment within myself in relation to the idea that I have created that “I must go back to school” to get my life in order and that if I don’t I will just end up doing and being nothing.



So I see there is an inner struggle within myself in relation to this point of “going back to school or not” where its like I have not yet made a decision decided what I am going to do and Assessing An effective practical way forwards that I can walk and be stable within.



What I find is that allot of my “future plans” is met with Self Disappointment, where Disappointment seems like quite a common “end-result-experience” to my planning of my future possibilities, where I end up getting frustrated within myself in relation to “what I will do with my future” and then just end up putting the point off again and not ever getting to a point of making a decision on this.



So in terms of the school point, and so many other points there is allot of Self Doubt and Uncertainty.



With School a big part of this comes down to money and my current financial situation which I have defined as a limitation and see I allow myself to react to quite extensively in many contexts and have not yet stabilized myself within this point, but still have allot of emotional reactions towards my “financial situation” as well as my Debt where I see/experience this as a burden and hardship and weight on my life.



Like for instance with School – This becomes more like a tease than an actual practical probability – and so I see that the experience of self disappointment within myself is related to my accepted and allowed “who I am” within my “current situation” with regards to what I will be able to do and am capable of doing based on the resources that are available to me that within assessing the point, end up in that experience of self disappointment.



So this is the point I am going to look at – The Experience of Self Disappointment in relation to “looking at/planning for my future based on my the current resources I have available to me”

tbc…

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 15 Oct 2012, 05:51

Postponement Character - Fear Dimension - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-159/


This particular Character that I am writing about here is the Character I live that believes that its better in the future and in this ends up neglecting, ignoring, taking for granted, missing what is here and thus channelling all of my attention into future projections. Within this I see/perceive my Here to be limited and unenjoyable and so am thus always pre-occupied with “something in the future” as the apparent solution to my Here, and the experience of myself Here. And so thus the actuality of this Character is acceptance that “Here is Never Enough.” Ultimately though I see that this is related to me not wanting to face myself in every moment and so what ends up happening is I then go into “future projections” to try and escape taking responsibility for myself in the environment I am in where in taking responsibility for myself I am in fact directing myself effectively and utilizing my resources/environment to its utmost potential. What I find myself doing is NOT this and then so go into the excuses and justifications that “Here is Not Good Enough” when in fact I see that in my current environment, I have not yet even established myself in an effective consistent routine of Daily Self Support as an Effective Living Example of Self Change, as the Necessary Change to bring forth and Equal Money System/A world that is best for all. So what I am in fact seeing Here is My “POSTPONEMENT CHARACTER”



Fear Dimension



A fear I see here as a reason why I accept and allow myself to go into postponement is related to “boredom” though essentially I see that what I fear, is giving up my self interest and giving up my “Living For Positive Energy/Experience Life” that I normally live. I fear letting go of positive experience/energy.

In essence I fear giving up that which give me a positive experience to do that which I am responsible for to bring about effective self change, and so then go into postponement of my practical responsibilities. I fear not getting that “Positive Charge” I fear having no fun. I fear the boredom of the task, I fear not enjoying myself. I fear that experience of not enjoying myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing/doing my Practical Responsibilities that if I do, would actually be effective self support because I fear being miserable which I perceive and believe will happen to me if I in fact stop postponing my Practical Daily Self Responsibilities.



I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk my practical daily responsibilities in a way where I am living to my utmost potential, and so within this push through the Fear of “what that experience might be life”



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my perception that doing all of my practical daily responsibilities would be not fun and actually be hard and difficult which I fear.



I commit myself walk through my “fear of things being difficult and hard” and actually walking through that ‘wall’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to till now often stop at and instead of facing and walking through it, postponing the task/responsibility at hand which lead to more and more postponing of my practical daily responsibilities.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my life of self interest and actually living a life in the interest of all where I am Supporting myself daily within my process of self change, and not just “living for energy” which I have done within and as my existence of the mind and so thus “fearing giving up my life of self interest or how I am living now” to actually support myself in a way that is best for all.



I see/realize/understand that to live a life of self interest is in fact not the life I want to live. I see/realize/understand that living a life based on self interest is showing me that I am still controlled by energy and have thus abdicated my power as my Directive Principle to Energy where by I am doing this and that based on my experience of energy where in essence Energy Dicates what I do and how I live my life and what I give my attention to. I see/realize/understand that I have become addicted to Energy and thus to Actually walk in Practical Self Responsibility Requires one to in fact walk based in principle and give up “my life of energy” I fear doing this, and I fear my experience within this, I fear what this would be like and thus in essence I am fearing something that I have never done. I am fearing an unknown experience. I see that I am projecting my idea of what it would be like to live in and as Self Responsibility onto this Unknown experience and thus fearing that idea or projection I have placed on what is in fact actually Unknown to me because I have not yet ever lived that.



I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self created idea onto something that is actually unknown to me, where in I then believe that my own idea/projection is actually what this unknown experience will be like, and then FEAR that experience which I see/realize/understand is NOT the actual in fact living of that point but only a projection I have created within myself and so thus.



When and as I see myself going into resistance towards facing the point of Standing and taking responsibility for myself in facing myself daily in completing my practical daily responsibilities I in that moment, stop myself and breath. I see/realize/understand that I have in fact created an idea/belief and projected that idea/belief onto the point of what I believe it will be like to actually walk my practical daily responsibilities daily which I then go into fear about and thus end up postponing walking/facing such a point. I also see/realize/understand that I have not yet effectively walked facing my daily responsibilities in a consistent way and so thus it is in essence an unknown point to me until I walk it in the flesh and it is known. Thus I commit myself to Stop believing in and being influenced by the “Idea” I created about what it will be like to walk my daily responsibilities and thus instead when I faced with going into the fear of “what it will be like” to simply breath, and remain here and not go into that fear experience as I see/realize/understand that it is not in fact “what it will be like” but rather just a projection that I have superimposed as “what I think” it will be like. And so when and as I identify and see this fear coming up within me, breath and remain here and not participate with the fear, and thus continue to assist and support myself to give Practical Physical Direction to my Daily Responsibilities that are required to get done.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 16 Oct 2012, 06:41

Postponement Character -Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-160/

I am continuing here with the thought dimension of the Postponement Character that I started walking last night.

This is a continuation of

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

My Postponement Character is the Character that I live out as the postponing of ultimately Me Actually Changing me, where in I postpone this “Living of Self” constantly coming up with justifications and excuses as to why I am not living each moment to its utmost potential but instead “giving up” on myself particularly in and as applying myself Consistently within my writing, which is comprised of my DIP Assignments, my daily blog, as well as other supplementary writings, all of which I see, realize and understand is necessary in terms of me in fact living each moment to its utmost potential where I am actually changing myself within and through my process of ‘writing myself to freedom’ so to speak. I see the importance from the perspective that “it is a must” yet I do not walk the totality of the application that is required and is a must to in fact be of support. I cut things short, and in this “miss the harvest” so to speak where I will not bring the points totally through completely and because of this sabotage my process of Self Development and Self Change. So what I am working with here is writing out and applying forgiveness on/as my Postponement Character as the Character I “step into” and in this Step out of the dedicated application necessary as the “Living to my utmost potential in every moment” to effectively facilitate actual Self Change.

So here tonight I will be looking at the “Thought Dimension” of my “Postponement Character”

Thought Dimension



One of the primary thoughts that comes up as a picture in my mind that is like the doorway for me to take to step into my postponement character is a picture of me sitting on my bed watching TV. Where for instance I will finish with a point and then this picture will come up or I will be working on something and this picture will come up within my mind of seeing myself sitting/lying back on my bed watching TV and being done with work for the night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the picture that comes up within my mind of me sitting on my bed watching TV where I will actually start to engage/participate with/consider this picture within my mind and from here start going into imagining and thinking about me sitting on my bed watching TV and then in paying attention to this picture that comes up of me sitting/lying on my bed watching TV, I will start to from that point going into my imagination dimension and thinking about what specific tv programs that I would watch and then from there thinking about specific episodes that I have seen of the particular TV programs I like, and then would for instance see myself laughing and smiling and enjoying myself and then in this moving myself further into the Dimensions of the mind and thus the Dimensions of my Postponement Character which as I move further/deeping/more into these Mind Dimensions moving closer and closer to that moment of where I will make a decision based on my mind where I will then decide to watch TV and thus Postpone the Decision/Application to actually support myself in a consistent way within living each moment to its utmost potential, and in this Taking Responsibility for myself within utilizing the Time I have as the moments I Have to Take the Necessary Steps to Assist and Support the bringing forth of What is Best For ALL.

When and as I see myself looking at the picture/thought in my mind of me sitting/lying back on my bed and watching TV and also from here more going into that picture and into the imagination Dimension of me thinking about what particular program exactly it is I would like to watch where I then start thinking about the specific program I would like to watch and then thinking about all the cool parts that I like/enjoyed watching in the past, I Stop and I Breathe and I bring myself Here. I Remind myself that postponing my Writing Application will most definitely Postpone my Process of Self Change, and that that simple, seemingly harmless act of deciding to watch TV instead of writing which initially takes place when I accept and allow myself to participate/give my attention to the picture / thought that comes up within my mind of me sitting/lying on my bed watching TV, this seemingly harmless act accumulates over time and thus ends up with me still at exactly at the same point months later due to not developing myself effectively in my understanding of myself due to me not Directing Myself to Establish/Walk/Live patterns of Actual Self Support which I see, realize, understand is the Living/Applying myself within and as Writing, Daily as my Daily Blog, DIP Assignments as Well as Supplementary Writing that I see, realize and understand is ALL a MUST for me to be able to change me, as anything less than this – As I have shown myself – Does not lead to self change, but rather Self being stuck at the same point never actually walking the necessary application to understand / get to know the depths of Self and thus in getting to know these Depths and Intricacies of Self actually Become Effective within Self Change – A Depth that can only be Penetrated through CONSISTENT and DAILY Application of ALL the Necessary Writing of Self that is Required, not simply just the bare minimum to keep me afloat and so thus – I commit myself to Walk/Live the Necessary Application of Self Writing that is necessary for In Fact Self Change where this Done on a Consistent basis Until this Process of Self Writing done in a Self Supportive way becomes the Pattern I Live/Walk DAILY as the commitment to myself to Live to my utmost potential and in fact change me and become the/a Living Example of What is Best for ALL. And so Thus I commit myself to when and as I see/notice the picture in my mind coming up of me “wanting to watch TV (sitting/lying back and watching TV) to breath and remain here and Direct Myself to Stick to my Practical Common Sense assessment and understanding of what I am required to do to in fact have an actual Impact on myself with regards to Self Change and that entail A more thorough and Consistent Writing Application within and as doing my Daily Blog, DIP Assignments and Necessary Supplemental Writings.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 17 Oct 2012, 07:09

Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-161/


This Blog is a continuation of the following blog posts

Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

Also for Further perspective and context on understanding the “Imagination Dimension” of Self Please Read

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 1): Day 165

Tonight I am continuing with investigating my Postponement Character where I will be looking further into the Imagination Dimension.

Within the “Imagination Dimension” of My Postponement Character I in essence end up “Imagining” that which I am actually preventing myself from doing through by existing as my Postponement Character, and that is, Me actually Changing Me. And so thus instead of practically doing this, practically physically changing myself within my daily living application I end up participating within my postponement character and specifically here I am looking at the “Imagination Dimension” of this character where instead of actually changing, I will Imagine myself changing, and I will imagine myself changed. Often I have this imagining of where I like confront a crowd of people as being like this glorious changed being that is “Living Self Responsibility” where I will imagine myself standing in front of crowd and experiencing myself as really proud of myself and happy because I have in fact changed. I also have this one particular imagining of where I would post my writings on the forums or simply publish my pages and pages and pages of dedicated writing that I have been doing “in private” for the length of time (normally a long time) as I was “effectively applying myself” where in this imagining I see myself publishing my writing and then everyone seeing the writing and this writing actually having some value as it would be the actual MAP I walked within my process of self change. And again here in this imagining I am feeling so proud of me and happy. These types of Imagining this stuff comes up when I “start off” and I write for a bit or for the first day or 2 and I am really devoted and committed and thus this “Imagination dimension” kicks in where I see myself in these different scenarios where in such scenarios is more the “end result” of the application of what I am only starting. I see actually that this “Imagination Dimension is quite extensive within me in terms of how much I spend time imagining about the “Future Version” of myself that is changed. I am wanting to change and egar to change and so imagine myself as this super being with magical powers being able to help people because I am so stable and calm and all the things that want to be but Have not yet actually PRACTICALLY PHYSICALLY APPLIED MYSELF FOR REAL in a way that will actually manifest this Me, and so I just “make the leap” there in my imagination, literally imagining myself as this changed being on literally the first day of my commitments I make to myself to change that I always end up giving in and not able to stick with the commitment, and thus giving into postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the imagination dimension of my postponement character through by imagining myself as a “changed being” that would occur through the process that I actually in fact postpone as the process of consistent self support within my application of writing as the process of me developing an effective foundation for myself within and as my process of self change simply by starting off with ensuring that my base point of writing is in place as that Action I Do Daily within all the necessary writing points such as my Daily Blog, My DIP lessons, and other Supplemental writing that is necessary for me to in fact effectively support myself to change me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself stepping out in front of a crowd as a self changed being, where I will imagine this in my mind and imagine how good it will feel to be this being, but when it comes to the moment of change where I must in fact Physically Change me I will give up and give in and not Direct me within the necessary Self Disciplined Application of myself needed to in fact Support me in Real Self Change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself posting my writings on the forum that I have “saved up” that I then would post “once I am changed” and that I would be/am so proud of myself and feeling so relieved that I have finally changed, but that when it comes down to the actual moment of Applying myself Daily and Consistently within the ACTUAL necessary writing application to facilitate self change I will not push through my resistance and give up, meanwhile accepting and allowing myself to instead imagine myself as a self changed being, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention to my Imagination Dimension of my postponement Character instead of Sticking to whats Real and walking HERE with and as myself in my process so as to not get ahead of myself but to Remain HERE with me step by step, realizing that I to in fact Reach the point that I imagine in my mind will take Discipline and absolute consistency in my application of Self Writing, and that that which I imagine and that which I am is 2 entirely different things, and so thus Stick to Who I actually am to support me to Remain Grounded and Humbled so as to always be able to understand the IN FACT ACTUAL TASK before me as the process/application I must actually Walk/Direct myself in Daily to bring forth Self Change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand how during my day I participate with my postponement character where in for instance I will go into imagining myself as a self changed being, when I am for example driving in my car or at work or doing something else, and thus be actually participating with my postponement character throughout the entirety of my day, not just that moment when I sit down to write at the end of the day.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand the link between “imagining myself as a self changed being” and my postponement character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bother with actually changing me because I have become so accustomed to separating myself from myself where I just don’t really have to live with myself anyways because of how I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from me by existing within my Imagination Dimension of in this case my Postponement Character where in I will accept and allow myself to postpone self change and then be able to mange and live with myself through by going into my imagination and imagining me as a self changed beign where in doing this I can feel better about myself again and get some relief, not realizing that if I did not have the ability to imagine anything, I may likely get my ass in gear because then I would have to LIVE with the REAL ME, as the Me that hasn’t actually changed, but has continued to accept and allow myself to postpone self change but then am able to avoid my actual experience and state of me within this through by just utilizing my imagination dimension and just existing in there so as to not have to be here with me and face the fact that I have not changed me at all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to assist and support myself walk through the actual process of effective self change daily where in I in fact have to walk with and as myself in each breath in applying myself within self supportive writing and in this Directing my to push through my resistances and “wantings to stop” and that I have never supported myself within walking this process but have given in to postponement which I could do due to me being a master of suppression and distracting myself from the fact that I have not effectively supported me to walk breath by breath by breath the the Actual Space and TIME required for effective self support within my application of writing.


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