Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

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Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 12 Jan 2016, 06:07

Day 309: Are you living in Real-Time or Memory Time?
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/09/da ... me-or.html


How many moments during your day are defined by you projecting yourself into the next moment / an upcoming moment / a possible moment later in your day?

Do you find yourself in such moments, imagining yourself "experiencing" a future moment in your head, before it's even here in fact?

Now, here I'm not talking about practical / necessary planning or calculations - I'm talking about projections where you imagine yourself experiencing a moment a certain way. Like for instance you're driving home from work, and you're imagining yourself doing something you like when you get home, like relaxing, watching TV, etc. And, in that moment of imagination, you're having a positive experience; and this experience might include a movement of excitement in your torso area, or you may also smile, or you may also relax your body or change your grip in the steering wheel. So, you're physically experiencing this future moment.

Now it's interesting because, you're in the car, you're driving. You're not at home. You're not doing whatever it is you're imagining / thinking about. You are physically not in that future moment, yet, you're apparently "experiencing it". So, where did this experience come from?

Well it didn't come from the actual moment you're in - which is driving your car. And, it obviously didn't get beamed into your head from the future. So - that leaves the past. Memory. What you're actually doing is accessing a memory contained within your mind, and the way you did that was to first think about the activity - the scenario, and then with that, you start imagining yourself in that scenario, and experiences activate - such as the positive feelings and changes you experience in your physical body.

So how much of you day would you say you spend actually "plotting out" upcoming moments, by imagining yourself doing things and experiencing things, projecting memories of past experiences into your immediate future? Why do we do this in so many little moments throughout the day? Because, what is apparent is that within such moments in the mind, I am not Here, fully in THIS moment, experiencing what is Here - but rather running a simulation of an imagined future moment.

Now what I've found in starting to apply myself more specifically in catching myself doing this in moments, and stopping the thought and letting go of the experience / memory / imagination point, and bringing myself back to breathing, is that I immediately become more aware of --- THIS moment. I immediately become more aware of my physical body, the feeling of my hands, my feet, of sitting, of walking, of the sounds in my environment, of what I can see in my environment, taking place in THIS moment. And also what opens up is the awareness of for instance -- what was I just experiencing that served as the "springboard" for thinking and imagining a future "positive experience"? Was I actually first thinking about something that brought up a Negative experience? Like, I noticed that in certain such moments I actually first thought about something I need to get done when I get home, where I imagined myself doing it and the experience of resistance or reluctance came up. And then from there - I immediately search out a "positive" experience -- which is where the thought / imagination / memory of a positive experience activates - and then -- suddenly I shift from resistance -- to: excitement, or enjoyment, or happiness.

So, it's interesting because it's the same process that activates:
-->Thought
-->-->imagination
-->-->-->experience.
And, whether positive or negative -- it's the same process of accessing a memory of "doing something", that is stored within my mind.

And, this is an important point to become aware of, because it shows where there are Negative experiences that actually get suppressed when, instead of stopping and investigating the negative experience, applying Self Forgiveness, and letting go of the memory - we instead immediately shift to looking for a Positive experience.

So, as we move through our day, how many times are we going from negative to positive to negative to positive, within this process of accessing memories / the past, and projecting them into the future? How many moments in the day are we not actually Here, but in our minds? Where and how do we allow ourselves to be directed by reactions to memories, rather than directing ourselves? How many times per day, per week, per month do we end up procrastinating or putting things off, or deciding "I'm not going to do that", because we accepted and allowed a memory of a past negative experience to have power over us in a moment, where we then suppressed the negative, shifted to the positive, and used the positive as a way to Stimulate ourselves into feeling better / apparently "enjoying" ourselves?

Wouldn't it be more practical to sort out the negative experiences, change our relationship toward things in our life that we resist doing, and release ourselves from the cycle of negative to positive experiences? Imagine, there are billions of people on this planet, and each one of us is every day being directed by negative and positive memories - existing in an alternate reality in our minds, not actually here in real-time in the physical, actual moment.

The cool thing about sorting out the negative experiences, is that you release yourself from the cycle of suppression and desire / need to constantly seek out a positive experience. And in that, open up the discovery of what it is to really be Here with yourself, experiencing YOU.



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 12 Jan 2016, 06:09

Day 312: The courage to make a career change
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/11/da ... hange.html

Selfie from atop the 6th floor of my new workplace. A couple of months ago I decided to push myself to apply for a job in car sales, because I was faced with the reality that my income at the time was not going to be enough for me to build my business effectively, in the way that I want to.
I had actually applied for this car sales job a few months before, but on the day of my interview I let the experience of nervousness and fear of something completely new, direct me, and I didn't go to the interview.
But since then, I had worked more specifically with myself in establishing a practical way of dealing with nervousness, where - I had realized that previously I had been attempting to firstly ensure that no nervousness would come up within me, before I would apparently be ready / able to commit to a more time and skills intensive job. But, what I came to see about the nature of nervousness in me, is that I had been judging and fearing the experience of nervousness itself, and sabotaging myself from doing things I actually in fact saw I have the potential to do, just because I really didn't want to experience nervousness.

So I was prepared this time, because I had established a more practical starting point in relation to nervousness. Instead of trying to stamp out nervousness, I realized it made more sense to embrace it, and accept it without judging it, and to within this simply stand within what I see I have the potential to do, let go of expectations, and trust myself to dive in and see what happens. Basically, to stop fighting nervousness.

As it turned out, the interview went well, though I was nervous during it, and I ended up getting hired. I am enjoying my new job, as through it I am each day developing my natural strengths and skills and putting them to use to make a better income. I work up to 13 hours a day but I do not experience it as stressful, because in my new line of work, the more I put into it - the more I get out of it.

Already only two months in, I am also picking up business knowledge and practices, and meeting people that I see will support my own business eventually.
Bottom line is, without the skills of breathing, writing, self honesty, self forgiveness, and self corrective application I've learned through Desteni I Process -- I would still be stuck in a limited job, frustrated with my situation, completely directed by my thoughts, reactions, emotions, and memories.

Are you stuck in a limited job, but afraid to apply or interview for something better? Do you feel like you are no where near your full potential, but don't really know what to do about it? Do you experience a resistance or fear of giving up the stability of the predictable and easy routine, and more 'free time' you have with your current job? Are you ready to make a change?

My suggestion would be to get involved with Desteni I Process, and start learning the tools you need to understand how you've gotten to where you are right now in your life, and how to assist and support yourself to start structuring your mind and your life to support you to reach your full potential.

‪#‎income‬ ‪#‎selfimprovement‬ ‪#‎job‬ ‪#‎work‬ ‪#‎selfhonesty‬ ‪#‎desteniiprocess‬ ‪#‎sales‬



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 12 Jan 2016, 06:09

Day 313: Forgiving the past and allowing myself to move on
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/01/da ... owing.html




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the statement: 'I can, and will only enjoy myself and express myself if everything is going right in my life'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my expression and my full capacity to participate in working towards practical solutions to humanity, to the idea that I can only be inspired and motivated, and expected to express and share myself if the following conditions exist in my life: Making more money than is needed to 'make ends meet', and having a relationship, and that these conditions mean 'everything is going right', and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my current situation / reality / circumstance as 'wrong / bad / not enough'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that working a lot, not yet making the income I want, and not being in a relationship / agreement, is to blame / is the reason I 'don't feel motivated' to express myself and participate to my fullest capacity / potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'not making enough money, and having to work a lot, and not having a relationship', is the reason I have recently been experiencing 'not having inspiration / not being motivated / not wanting to express myself', within the belief that, when faced with challenges and things not working out as they could have in my life, that this must become a burden of failure, a burden of the past that I now must carry with me, and that the only way to 'get past' this burden, is to restore / re-create my life to the condition that was 'lost' / changed --- instead of seeing and realizing that, I created the burden because I decided to hold onto the past and judge myself for things having not worked out as I had wanted, and had decided to blame my life for being 'hard' -- thus within this using my creative ability to create myself into and as the experience of being burdened by failure, and having a lack of inspiration and motivation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a starting point of self destruction / self loathing / self blame in relation to failure / making mistakes, instead of a starting point of learning from my mistakes / learning from the past, and unconditional self support in USING the past and what I've learned from the past, to specify and perfect my application in the PRESENT in creating myself / creating my life to my full potential

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am within the experience burden / lack of motivation, isn't who I want to be -- and yet this is who I am accepting and allowing myself to be - and that the reason I've been accepting and allowing myself to be this way is because I am still holding onto the idea / imagined experience of 'things being right' as defined by making more money / being in a relationships - and that I placed a positive value / charge in this idea, making this idea into the 'more than', while judging how and what my life is now as 'less than / not enough'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the momentum / energy of my experience of being in the low / not enough / negative polarity point as opposite of the positive point of my desires / ideas of what I want my life to be -- and to stay within this point within allowing myself to keep projecting the positive point in my mind -- trapping myself in a polarity instead of STOPPING and applying self forgiveness on both the positive and negative points of the polarity and releasing myself from the energy cycle -- within seeing and realizing that creating my life / expressing myself / shaping my life into what I want it to be - does not require the movement of energy / polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that not making as much money as I need, and not being in a relationship / agreement makes it more difficult for self expression to flow, instead of seeing and realizing that I'm the one blocking my own self expression, through deciding that who I am is not enough / not able to express myself, and that it's always a matter of simply moving and standing up from the energy I'm creating myself as - stopping, and changing who I am, making a new decision

I commit myself to unconditionally let go of the past, and apply what I've learned from my mistakes, to creating and expanding myself here and now in each moment of breath - creating myself new each day instead of holding myself hostage to the past through self judgment

When and as I see myself thinking about past mistakes and feeling bad / judging myself about it -- I commit myself to stop, breathe myself HERE, unconditionally let go of / forgive myself, and focus on what is to practically be learned from that past moment, and apply it to creating and expressing myself HERE

I commit myself to show that your life doesn't need to be picture perfect in order to express and share yourself and contribute to solutions that are best for all -- as for example I am doing in pushing myself to write this blog and share my process with others

I commit myself to show that the past is only a burden when I decide it is, and that taking self responsibility with self honesty and self forgiveness, is the way to free ourselves from the past and move on



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 19 Mar 2016, 05:49

Day 314: Imagine All The People Giving Each Other What We Need
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/03/da ... -each.html

When will Imagine become a reality? If we want to live as One - with each one of us valuing each other as ourselves -- we have to deconstruct our individual mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, wants, needs, desires, fears, values, definitions, beliefs -- to identify and change all the ways we've separated ourselves from OneAnother. War is Over if we want it - but we have to start with deconstructing and stopping the Wars that exist in our minds as ourselves in the form of conflict, judgment, reactions, blame, fear, opinions, and the crusade of self interest, and learn to live within practical, self honest solutions that benefit all. It's a tough road, and hope and nice words are not enough.

Desteni is people walking the road to a world of Equality and Oneness through stopping separation within and as the Mind, and learning to stand as Equals and as One in living application, while living and participating in the world as it exists, facing what is here and using what is here to develop solutions that can be applied IN THIS LIFE.

For example, I work about 60 hours a week, participating in the system, doing the same survival things as everyone else -- and yet I also make time to work with myself, my mind, walking the Desteni I Process, to be able to investigate my day to day experiences, learn from my mistakes, deconstruct patterns and habits that don't support me or anyone else, and establish new ways of living, applying myself, and looking at the dimensions of my life through the eyes of self honesty within how I can create myself in this life in a way that I make an impact that will support what is Best for All.



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 02 May 2016, 02:53

Day 315: Maturity as a Living Word of Self Support
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/04/da ... -self.html

What kind of definition of the word Maturity are we living in our day to day lives?

Is it Mature to allow ourselves to be and remain reactive toward each other?

Is this world a manifestation and example of Humanity as a Mature group of beings?

What associations, meanings, ideas, and experiences are behind your definition of Maturity?

What would Maturity be as a supportive Living Word?



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 28 May 2016, 21:09

Day 316: What if you lost your mind's eye?
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/05/da ... s-eye.html

Interesting... Here is an article about people with a condition that makes them unable to produce mental images.
Aphantasia: A life without mental images http://www.bbc.com/news/health-34039054

What I've found in my process is that in my past, almost 100% of the reason I would spend so much time in pictures / imaginations in my head, is to escape reality / distract myself from the things in this world / in my life that I don't understand / don't like / struggle with -- you know the day to day reality of money, suffering, struggle, frustrations, conflicts, a screwed up world -- where I'd take information that I liked the sound of -- in my case it was things like spiritual beliefs / stories and turn it into pictures in my head, dreaming up alternate realities to keep myself stimulated / enabling myself to 'explain' things in a way that makes me feel good, and to see myself as some character with a purpose / reason for existing that is based on / dependent on pictures / an alternate reality in my head that makes me feel better about things -- when in fact I'm not actually practically investigating reality / relationships / the mind / the world system to understand the problems and explore practical solutions to create a world / humanity that is worth existing in and with.

I mean, I can use pictures in my head practically - to assist with conceptualizing certain things -- but now the difference is that I'm not using it as entertainment / an alternate reality. What I've found is that, the more I'm learning to Live in practical reality, living without belief systems, standing within and as the simplicity of - 'I am Life as all as one as equal' - is that I don't have the desire to sit and daydream and picture all kinds of stuff in my head - because I'm busy living and developing my self expression, skills, and purpose as a physical life lived with the purpose and self commitment of assisting and supporting to bring about solutions to create a world that's best for everyone.

This kind of condition of not being able to produce mental images raises some interesting questions in relation to belief systems / personalities that depend on pictures in the head in order to maintain one's purpose / stability / experience of one's self -- who would you be, what would you do - if all of a sudden, you could not produce any images / pictures in your head?



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 28 May 2016, 21:09

Day 317: Socio Economic Genetic Modification
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/05/da ... netic.html

Science now shows that poverty actually has a consequential effect on your very DNA, and that these effects can be passed on to children. Read the following excerpt from an article by Ian Johnston of the Independent:

"Living in poverty can cause changes to people’s DNA that make them more likely to become depressed, anxious and possibly take drugs, according to a ground-breaking new study.
Researchers in the United States found that teenagers from deprived backgrounds tended to undergo changes to a gene that increases the activity of a part of the brain involved in the ‘fight or flight’ response and panic attacks. This increased activity in the amygdala has been linked to a greater risk of depression.
They also found that a low socio-economic status was associated with low levels of serotonin, sometimes referred to as the happiness hormone.
In recent years, studies have shown that not only can genes be changed by the environment and even social interactions, but these ‘epigenetic’ changes can then be passed on to the next generation."
Source:
Being poor can change your genes and increase your chances of depression
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/scien ... 47201.html

What these findings demonstrate is how our socio-economic status / environment actually plays quite a significant role in Genetically Engineering us as a Human Being.

Sure we've all heard success stories about people who were able to transcend their poor upbringing to become millionaires - but the reality is that those individuals represent a tiny fraction of those living in poverty.

We all know people in our own lives and worlds who, even in spite of living in an environment of financial security and plenty of support, still tend towards depression, self defeat, social anxiety, fear of failure, etc. And look how much effort it takes to stand up from within such experiences and learn to assist and support yourself to change those patterns and develop yourself and take responsibility for your life.

Imagine being in a situation where everyone around you comes from generations of poverty - your parents, your neighbors, your friends. Imagine being in a situation where you grow up in an environment of every day interacting with drug users, crime, alcoholism. Imagine being in a situation where you are growing up in a state of physical stress because you're not getting enough to eat. Imagine growing up without an effective education, with a personality and thought process and self definition shaped by gang culture, drug culture, poverty culture. Imagine you are a person who naturally tends toward self judgment, depression, addiction. Imagine how much more difficult it would be to stand up from such experiences living in poverty surrounded by poverty, with your very DNA having been influenced to become more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and addiction.

I mean, I myself grew up in a financially secure environment, with a loving, supportive family and access to good schools, and plenty of opportunity to develop skills and abilities and career paths. However, I was a very emotional child and ended up taking every experience of failure and difficulty in school and social situations to heart, and ended up with a personality driven by fear of failure and extensive self judgments and insecurities and a tendency toward depression. It's taken me YEARS of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to get to a point where I'm only now at age 32 at a stage where I've developed the skills, self esteem and personal drive to be able to make use of the opportunities in my life.

Look how much effort those of us living in a more stable, financially secure situation put into learning methods of nutrition, education, parenting - in order to enhance and support the development of our children? Why do we do this? Because we understand the common sense that we are in large part actually engineering a Human Being, and that it is a very delicate, specific process not to be taken lightly. And even with all of that -- there are still many people like me, coming from very positive childhood environments, who still end up developing emotional / mental patterns that are difficult to change.

If we as Man are ever to truly become the Shepherds of the Earth, we'll need to get over the idea / fear of 'playing god', and take responsibility for the aspect of Humanity that is engineered by environmental factors, and change those factors to factor in what is best for each individual and thus create a world that is best for everyone.

"Social Engineering Must have the outcome that is best for all life where every child born is guaranteed a Life of Worth. Life is the Only Real Value on Earth!"
~Bernard Poolman



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 01 Jul 2016, 20:15

Day 318: Positivityin5Words
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/06/da ... words.html

#‎PositivityIn5Words‬

I saw this hashtag on Twitter and it looked like a fun exercise. To me, the word Positive is not something that means you just feel good, or that you think about things you like and desire, because there are people in this world who do terrible things in the name of what feels good and what they like or desire to do. To me, the word Positivity should be specific to encompass that which benefits everyone in a practical way. So, here are some examples of #PositivityIn5Words that I came up with. Try some yourself!

Exploring Solutions Instead of Blaming

Slow Down and Breathe First

Considering Everyone in All Things

Every Child Reaching Fullest Potential

Animals Reaching Their Fullest Potential

Nature Reaching Its Fullest Potential

Failure Is A Learning Opportunity

Writing Out Your Reactions Daily

Assessing Your Starting Point Always

Being Ready To Learn Always

Making Time To Share Insights

Allowing Self To Unconditionally Listen

Being Willing To Change Definitions

Placing Self In Another's Shoes

Writing To Diffuse Reactive Energy

Identifying And Releasing Impractical Expectations

I could go on, but it's almost bedtime :)



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 01 Jul 2016, 20:16

Day 319: That 'block' when you haven't blogged in a while
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/06/da ... avent.html


What I've noticed when I don't write blogs in some time, is that I experience a kind of 'sharing block', or rather, an 'expression block' where - when I sit down and decide to write, I immediately start going through points in my head looking for something to start with. Should I share something from my personal life process I've been walking since I blogged last? Should I write about a current event? And I start going over all the possible topics, which I notice I am looking at from the starting point of 'okay I want to start with a topic / point that I am satisfied with, something that will set the stage for the next blog, and the next blog. Basically, going into an emotion of feeling 'behind' with sharing the insights / realizations I have, and wanting to 'catch up'.

Interestingly though, many times when this kind of block or resistance happens after postponing sharing, I realize after I actually start writing, that the actual relevant point to write about - was my experience of postponement itself. That's the funny thing about the mind - when you're busy trying to do things from the starting point of an idea based on self judgments, wants, desires, comparison - like 'I should write about this because I'm behind in sharing about that topic', for example -- you don't see the reality of what's going on in your mind in that moment - which is that you're accessing an idea instead of really working with what is HERE self honestly.

So, I'm writing this blog to get myself out of that 'block' experience, and letting go of the ideas and thoughts about what to write.

This actually opens up a point which I realized some time ago, which is that when I'm not moving myself in self expression, living fully in every moment within taking the opportunities that open up during my day to share, participate, develop -- then I'm not giving life to myself as who I really am as self expression of me as Life. And, within this, since I'm not living fully - not giving life to myself, expressing ME - I'll go into a kind of subtle 'low' experience underlying my day, and in this subtle low / subtle 'less than' experience, my mind will activate the desire to seek out a point of stimulation - a way to stimulate a momentary 'high' / 'more than' experience - as for instance you'd get when you are participating in a fantasy, playing a game, watching a movie, etc, or , typically what I'll do is busy myself with a project that doesn't involve sharing so I don't have to face that block, where I'll actually justify this with 'well I'm using my time to work on / develop this project, which is important, so - it's fine, I'll get to the sharing point later. Which of course, is just postponement. But in this postponement, as long as I'm 'busying myself', I can, for a moment move out of that 'low' experience, and I'm now 'experiencing something!'

But also within this, I know I'm not really satisfied because I KNOW I'm postponing, so I still have that background 'low experience', which opens up little moments of temptation to stimulate myself in my mind with fantasies or spending too much time on entertainment, so I can move back into the positive.

So the lesson I've learned within this is that where there is no self expression - where there is postponement, suppression, self neglect - where there is no real self movement of the REAL me as the being within my body, here as a breath - the mind activates and starts the process of generating the fake version of self expression / living, which is just positive experiences - in polarity with that starting point negative / low experience.

So, it always comes down to the question of - am I giving life to myself? Am I creating me through self expression / as self expression? Or am I creating myself as a system, as defined by the 'movement' between negative/positive/low/high?



Matti Freeman
Posts: 1097
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Matti Freeman's Journey to Life

Postby Matti Freeman » 01 Jul 2016, 20:17

Day 320: The Terror of Being Human - what's the solution?
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/07/da ... whats.html



Everyone has experiences, thoughts, frustrations, desires, fears, reactions that are accepted to be 'just part of who I am', and we build entire relationships, friendships, families, societies, laws, rules, governments based on compromise, control, punishment, manipulation, fear - finding a way to get by, to live, to have some measure of stability within the acceptance that 'nobody is perfect', and 'it's all part of being Human'.

We create tv shows, movies, books, magazines, that showcase the way we respond with emotions, feelings, thoughts, desires, fears, judgments, reactions of all kinds - to the behavior of each other, and we relish entertainment that enables us to identify and relate to certain characters and groups and 'live through them':

The 'wronged' character
The 'vengeful' character
The 'beautiful' character
The 'sexy' character
The 'successful' character
The 'leader' character
The 'rich' character
The 'holy' character
The 'righteous' character
The 'hero' character
The 'moral' character
The 'spiritual' character
The 'scientific' character
The 'underdog' character
The 'misunderstood' character
The 'redemptive' character
The 'loved' character
The 'caring' character
The 'brave' character
The 'intelligent' character
The 'logical' character
The 'messed up' character
(insert more characters here)

We judge each other in small ways every single day - whether real people in our lives or characters in our entertainment, we feel judged, we feel offended, we feel wronged, we feel mistreated, we feel entitled, we feel righteous, we feel right, we feel defensive, we feel angry, we feel wrathful, we feel annoyed, we feel frustrated.

We find something to believe in which we then defend, protect, and dedicate our lives to pursuing and fulfilling:

god
science
love
light
bliss
happiness
heaven
success
entertainment
family
legacy
pleasure
luxury
sex

We are billions of people that share the same physical substance, the same life essence, the same physical and educational needs.

Some of us exist within cultures, relationships, education systems, family systems, in which there are those who are willing to die and kill for their beliefs, for their feelings, for their thoughts, for their interests, for their desires, for their idea of what is right and wrong.

We see these people as evil, as terrorists, as the worst people on Earth. We struggle to understand how it will ever stop.

We also see rapists, murderers, thieves, criminals, drug lords, politicians, as bad, dishonest -- the 'problem' with our world.

But, isn't all this evil behavior the product of thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, ideas, judgments, opinions?

And, don't we all actually participate in the same things?

When we're watching the movie and we want to get revenge for what has been done to the character we identify with...

When we're reading the magazine and judging the way all the people look as either positive or negative / good / bad

When we're talking about politics or religion, or science, or philosophy, or spirituality, and we get defensive, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, angry, argumentative...

When we think about hurting someone, yelling at someone, how someone else is so wrong, and we are so right...

When we react to someone in blame, annoyance, frustration, judgments -- we we get angry and yell at someone when they do something that was not according to our expectation, preference, upbringing, education...

When we believe in a heaven and want to go there - and would willingly leave the entire world behind, with all the suffering that exists...

When we see and experience and care about only that which makes us happy, or that which we believe in, and are willing to dedicate our entire life to the sole pursuit of that one thing -- even as millions around us, in the same world we are in - suffer without the means to live in dignity...

When we yell at our children and judge them as inferior, and repeat our beliefs and values to them until they say 'yes mom', or 'yes dad' and prove to us that they have been successfully programmed to follow us as their authority figure?

When we laugh at a politician or someone else which we don't like, and would gladly see them suffer, or humiliated, or even killed?

---

This is the reality of ourselves. We are all contributing every day to the current reality of Human Nature. We are keeping our nature alive, through acceptance and allowance.

Blame is not a solution, war is not a solution, punishment is not a solution, hopelessness is not a solution, turning a blind eye is not a solution, happiness is not a solution, sex is not a solution, dying and going to heaven is not a solution, depression is not a solution, escaping is not a solution, coping is not a solution, waiting is not a solution.

And, obviously - participating in the same patterns that some of us in this world take to violent extremes -- is not a solution.

Can terrorism ever end as long as the majority of Human Beings participate in judgment, reactions, blame, emotional behavior? If we continue as such - we simply perpetuate further generations of individuals and groups who will inevitably take those patterns to the extreme.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the solution to this world is not 'saving the world', or 'killing our enemies', but in taking responsibility for my individual mind / behavior / patterns, and to demonstrate how it's possible to change myself in the day to day, moment to moment reality - including the reality of the space inside my head where I'm 'alone' - which is where the actual truth of me is shown.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how it's not about being 'positive' and spreading 'nice words and feelings' -- because those nice words and feelings are simply existing within the polarity design of 'positive / negative' 'high / low', 'happiness / fear' -- in the mind, which is the same design that every human is participating in right now according to their individual self interest - even the terrorists.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that changing myself is not impossible, but that I have simply not realized and seen the tool of Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness, which I can use to deconstruct and release myself from patterns, so that I can then investigate what is the actual practical, effective way of living in relation to friends, family, money, career, culture, entertainment, interests, etc -- instead of being directed by programming as thoughts, feelings, and emotions based on judgments, desires, fears, fantasies coping mechanisms - that I didn't even remember how I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared by the long and wordy blog above, instead of seeing and realizing that, just like anything where you develop a skill / learn something new - you don't start at the end - you start at the beginning and take it one step, one day at a time.
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And, for you readers - I commit myself to share more examples from my own process of changing myself in the 'day to day' reality of myself.




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