Aldin's Journey to Life

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Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 26 May 2013, 17:09

Day 360 Stop arguing for “I don’t want to do my responsibilities”!

Within todays writing I am continuing with self-forgiveness for the backchat identified within the last writing in day 369. Here is the backchat identified within last days writing:



Backchat:

„I don’t want to do my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 359)

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“

„I don’t have this/that – I don’t want to do my responsibilities/this/that.“

„My life sucks, I am in so much conflict – I don’t feel like doing responsibilities/this/that now…“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“



Before I continue with the self-forgiveness, I will expand on the backchat in last days writing with adding to it the following backchat that I also became aware of:


„I am/feel anxious. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I’ll do it later.“

„I feel/am stressed. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“



Now continuing with self-forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness (for backchat):

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and exist within the backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“, „I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“, „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ and „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ and to accept and allow myself to follow and be directed by that / such backchat – instead of being the self-directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ to come up within me/my mind the moment I have to do my responsibilities, like when I look within myself and it’s time to do my responsibilities, or when I sit down by the desk to do my responsibilities – and then further justify that initial backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ with the backchat of „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ with the following backchat of „I am not in an emotionally well position to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ to act as an further excuse/reason to amplify/strengthen the apparent Validity of the backchat and resistance towards doing my responsibilities or a task in a moment – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how I am literally fucking with myself through accepting and allowing myself to have internal conversations within myself that argue back and forth to validate self-dishonesties and argue for, literally, Self-Limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the initial backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ / „I can’t do responsibilities/this/that now“ that comes up the moment I have to do my responsibilities, like when I see it’s time to do them or when I actually sit down by my desk to do them – with the backchat of „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ to explain in more detail the Why I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities within the backchat statement of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ and try to give even more substance/validity to it through that – and then give even further ‚explanation‘ to Why I don’t ‚feel well‘ to do my responsibilities through the backchat of „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that“ to act as even more additional apparent validity to the initial backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ / „I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now“ – and to within that literally argue for my initial Resistance and my current Inner-Experience and so keep it alive and strengthen it – instead of immediately moving myself physically to be the self-directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe myself / who I am to be the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“, „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“, „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ and „I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ – and then in that Connection I make of the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements toward the ‚I‘ in/as ‚Who I am‘ – I follow, participate and act out / live the backchat – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these ‚I’s‘ are ‚I’s‘ of/as Personalities / Personality Systems / Characters within the Mind that I created throughout time and must find the memory/moment in the past where I created it and dissect/delete/change it through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is the ‚I‘ within the backchat of „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not who I am as beingness that is incapable of doing responsibilities or a task due to not being in the right ‚emotional state/position‘ – but a Personality System that has it’s own Rules and Regulations as Limitations/Borders it can’t move beyond because it is not within it’s Program/How it is/has been programmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that the ‚I‘ within the backchat of „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ does not refer to the ‚I‘ of/as who I am as beingness – but to the ‚I‘ of the specific personality that has been programmed with a specific condition of/as that If it experiences certain emotions/energies – Then it ‚can’t‘ do responsibilities or certain tasks –– But that I have Connected that ‚I‘ of the Personality to the ‚I‘ of who I am as beingness and Defined myself as it in the Belief that I am it and that I have to follow it just because it comes up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to and that I do have the ability and capacity to make that other Decision to Move myself and Do my responsibilities or certain tasks despite my inner-experience in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that the very Nature of the backchat of „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“, „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“, „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ and „I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ – is ‚Arguing for my limitations‘ / ‚Arguing for Resistance‘ / ‚Arguing for Not doing it/responsibilities/a task‘ / ‚Trying to justify not wanting to do it/responsibilities‘.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how stupid it literally is what I am accepting and allowing myself to go through with allowing that backchat within me and that backchat to direct me and argue for my self-dishonesties and resistance – because it leads nowhere but to keeping myself in my Resistance and limitations.

And so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to argue for my limitations and argue for my resistance I experience towards doing responsibilities/a task – through backchat, instead of simply taking a breath and doing it/responsibilities in Understanding of it’s requirement.

Alright, I’ll go up to here within todays writing and will continue within the next writing.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 27 May 2013, 19:49

Day 361 ‚I‘ am Not „I don’t want to do my responsibilities“!

Within todays writing I am continuing with self-corrective and self-commitment statements for the self-forgiveness walked for the backchat within Day 360. Here is the backchat identified within Day 359 and Day 360:

Backchat:

„I don’t want to do my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 359)

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 360)

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“

„I don’t have this/that – I don’t want to do my responsibilities/this/that.“

„My life sucks, I am in so much conflict – I don’t feel like doing responsibilities/this/that now…“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I am/feel anxious. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I’ll do it later.“

„I feel/am stressed. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

Now starting with the self-corrective statements.

Self-Corrective Statements (for backchat):

I see, realize and understand that I am using my backchat within my mind to argue for my resistance and unwillingness to do my responsibilities, like writing, self-forgiveness, DIP, work, school, etc., – and that I have actual complete inner dialogues and discussions going on within myself / my mind, with the objective of these discussions to justify / reach a point of ‚valid‘ justification for why I should not do my responsibilities.


I see, realize and understand that with the initial backchat I have within my mind of „I don’t want to do my responsibilities“ / „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“ – my mind will use other backchat lines to back the initial one up and give it more substance/validity/strength, trying to make it more real – such as for example using and throwing in the the backchat of „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ and use more and more additional backchat to validate the previous and initial backchat statements that came up in the mind until I surrender/believe in it.

And within that, I see, realize and understand how I am literally fucking myself by Accepting and Allowing, Yes – ACCEPTING and ALLOWING myself to participate within that inner dialogue/discussion of/as backchat in my mind – instead of simply taking a breath and moving myself physically within my physical body to get my responsibilities done – because I see, realize and understand that all I am really doing, or all I am really accepting and allowing to be done to me, is to argue for my resistance and inner-experiences instead of assisting and supporting myself to get rid of, and set myself free from them through doing my Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Applications.

I see, realize and understand that the very nature behind/of the backchat statements of „I don’t want to do my responsibilities“, „I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities“, „I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now“, „I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now“ and „I can’t do it/responsibilities now“ – is ‚Arguing for my limitations‘, is ‚Arguing for my Resistance I experience‘, is ‚Arguing for Not doing my responsibilities/a task“, is ‚Trying to Justify why I do Not want to do my responsibilities/a task“.

Within that, I commit myself to when and as I see and find that I am having and/or participating within the inner dialogue/discussion of/as backchat that come up within my mind towards doing responsibilities and that aid in and strengthen resistance towards doing these responsibilities/tasks – to immediately stop and take a new in-breath and an out-breath and simply remind myself of what’s really going on here within my mind, which is that I am accepting and allowing myself to argue for my resistance and trying to justify/find a justification to why I should not do my responsibilities – and to then simply allow myself to let-go of the backchat/inner dialogue and not allow myself to participate within it, and immediately move myself physically to do and get my responsibilities done.

I commit myself to remove and walk through any and all resistance / backchat I have towards doing my responsibilities – through utilizing the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to assist and support myself to do so.

When and as I see and find that I am referencing/connecting/believing that the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements that come up within my mind, such as the backchat of „I can’t do my responsibilities now“ – is Me/Self/Beingness/Who I am – to Immediately stop and breathe:

I see, realize and understand that I have made a connection between the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements that exist and come up within my mind – and ‚Who I am‘ as Self/Beingness – in other words: Believing myself (my Self) to be the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements, but that this is not true – and that the ‚I‘ within the backchat statements actually is the ‚I‘ of/as a specific Personality / Personality System / Character within/of the Mind that I have created throughout/within my past/life/time.

So, within that: I commit myself to immediately remind myself that I as who I am as beingness / Self is Not the ‚I‘ that is mentioned / existent within the backchat statements of my mind (such as the backchat of „I can’t do my responsibilities.“) – but that it is the ‚I‘ of/as a Personality / Personality System / Character referencing/speaking of/as itself/in it’s own name and not as the ‚Real‘ Me as Beingness/Self – when and as I see and find myself to participate within backchat – and to then simply allow myself to let go of it in my understandings and realizations and take a new In-Breath and Out-Breath and make a self-honest, self-directed, informative Decision of what to do in that/a moment and of who I am/will be/will accept and allow myself to be in a/that moment.

Alright, this concludes the self-corrective and self-commitment statements for the self-forgiveness walked on the backchat within Day 360.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 29 May 2013, 23:07

Day 362 „I don’t want to do my responsibilities“: Backchat has spoken

Within todays writing I am continuing with self-forgiveness for the remaining backchat identified within Day 359 and Day 360. Here is the backchat identified within Day 359 and Day 360:

Backchat:

„I don’t want to do my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 359)

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 360)

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“

„I don’t have this/that – I don’t want to do my responsibilities/this/that.“

„My life sucks, I am in so much conflict – I don’t feel like doing responsibilities/this/that now…“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I am/feel anxious. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I’ll do it later.“

„I feel/am stressed. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

Now, continuing with self-forgiveness:

Self-Forgiveness (for backchat):

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and exist within the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ and for accepting and allowing myself to participate in and be directed by and act out on this backchat – instead of being my own self-directive principle in making self-honest decisions as/by me myself.

What is the nature of this backchat of „I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“?


It’s like having the final word, the final say – and not accepting and allowing any further arguing or questioning of why I don’t want to do my responsibilities/a task. So, it’s in a way making/having the final say to Not look into the backchat and question it/it’s motive and start questioning Why I don’t want to do my responsibilities and why I accept and allow myself to participate and exist within such backchat, because of Fear that I might find the self-honest point/answer that will Invalidate the Resistance towards doing my responsibilities.

So, it’s a form of protection/defense mechanism against ‚finding and reaching self-honesty‘ and ‚moving out of my comfort zone‘ / getting my hands dirty and doing some labor/effort from my side, and/but to keep myself in my comfort zone through Not doing my responsibilities/a task.

I also see within it that it’s kind of a ‚authoritative‘ statement, as if an authority/power has spoken and it’s the last word/final say and that that statement apparently Validates all the Resistance and Backchat I have within my mind towards doing my responsibilities/a task. Kind of like a statement by a ‚Power‘/‚Higher Power‘ that is wise, and that must not be questioned because everything it says is Valid and Validated and Validates whatever the ‚Power‘ speaks about. Kind of like saying „This is it“, „This is how it is“, „Do not dare question it“, „It cannot be questioned“, „It is the truth“, „The point is Validated now.“.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as a statement of having the final say/word that apparently all justifies it why I am not going to do my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ to have the last word/say that I do not want any further arguing and questioning of my resistance and unwillingness to do my responsibilities – out of fear to go there (questioning the backchat and the resistance) due to fear that what I find might invalidate the backchat and resistance.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experience resistance towards doing my responsibilities/a task, and then for even a brief moment start questioning the resistance and tend towards self-honesty – to, within my mind, manifest / bring up the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as a form/‚expression‘ of having the last word and that I do not accept or allow any further arguing or questioning about my self-dishonesty and the resistance and backchat itself – because I fear that if I continue to question my resistance and my self-dishonesties that I will reach a point of self-honesty and within that an answer to my questioning that will/might Invalidate my Backchat, Resistance and Self-dishonesty of Not wanting to do my responsibilities.

So, within that: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as a protection and defense mechanism to prevent finding and reaching a point of self-honesty, which would happen if I’d allow myself to introspect and investigate my points/resistance/backchat towards doing my responsibilities/a task – because I try to protect/guard my comfort zone / to be able to continue existing within my comfort zone.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to protect and guard and keep up my comfort zone and maintain my comfort zone and me existing and moving within that comfort zone – because I don’t want to put in physical effort and labor on working on my Inner Self to Change myself into a being that is Honoring Life – All Life Equally – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this Resistance towards putting in actual physical effort and labor from my side to Change myself – is originating from the point that I have never actually done any physical labor / effort / self-movement myself, but have always only followed automated behaviors and experiences and patterns and habits of my mind.

So, within that: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that it’s just going to have to be a matter of Starting to do Physical Labor and Effort on my side, and I do it Day by Day, I practice it Daily, in Every Moment of Breath until I move out from the Acceptance and Allowance / Pattern I have put / locked myself into of just following automated reactions, behaviors and patterns of my mind.

Further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as a way to give Immediate Validation to my Resistance and Unwillingness to do my responsibilities/a task – because the statement of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ rings/resonates an authoritative statement/command within the parameters of my definition of such statement within my mind, that sounds / seems / feels so Powerful and Unquestionable that it must be true and give Validity to any point, such as Validating / Justifying my Resistance towards doing my responsibilities.

Alright, I will go up to here for this Day, and will continue within my next writing in Day 363 with more self-forgiveness on the following writing/point/part:

I also see within it that it’s kind of a ‚authoritative‘ statement, as if an authority/power has spoken and it’s the last word/final say and that that statement apparently Validates all the Resistance and Backchat I have within my mind towards doing my responsibilities/a task. Kind of like a statement by a ‚Power‘/‚Higher Power‘ that is wise, and that must not be questioned because everything it says is Valid and Validated and Validates whatever the ‚Power‘ speaks about. Kind of like saying „This is it“, „This is how it is“, „Do not dare question it“, „It cannot be questioned“, „It is the truth“, „The point is Validated now.“.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 30 May 2013, 23:16

Day 363 „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it. Point.“: Saving Face

Within todays writing I am continuing with the self-forgiveness applied and walked within last days writing (Day 362). In last days writing I ended up with the following paragraph/point that I need to do self-forgiveness on:

I also see within it that it’s kind of a ‚authoritative‘ statement, as if an authority/power has spoken and it’s the last word/final say and that that statement apparently Validates all the Resistance and Backchat I have within my mind towards doing my responsibilities/a task. Kind of like a statement by a ‚Power‘/‚Higher Power‘ that is wise, and that must not be questioned because everything it says is Valid and Validated and Validates whatever the ‚Power‘ speaks about. Kind of like saying „This is it“, „This is how it is“, „Do not dare question it“, „It cannot be questioned“, „It is the truth“, „The point is Validated now.“.



Here is the backchat I am walking from Day 359 onwards:

Backchat:

„I don’t want to do my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 359)

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 360)

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“

„I don’t have this/that – I don’t want to do my responsibilities/this/that.“

„My life sucks, I am in so much conflict – I don’t feel like doing responsibilities/this/that now…“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I am/feel anxious. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I’ll do it later.“

„I feel/am stressed. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“



Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as an authoritative statement within my mind – to try to justify and give immediate Validity to the Resistance and my Unwillingness to do my responsibilities – because the nature of the statement is authoritative to me – like as if my Dad says something and he has the last word, and when I am questioning him, he is like „Listen!? Don’t argue with me!“ and „Because I say so!“.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ in order to have the last word and not allow any self-honest arguing or questioning to come up or go on or continue going on within me – and not seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s actually me shutting myself up to not start or continue to be self-honest and stand up for and as myself to any self-dishonesties and points that come up within my mind – through that backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ to silence and shut myself up to NOT start, or continue to LOOK-AT and INVESTIGATE, or QUESTION the Resistance of/as ‚Not wanting to do my responsibilities‘ – through that backchat being the last word that is spoken and from here no investigation is allowed anymore – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am through that actually really only suppressing and denying myself to discover the truth and find self-honesty and set myself free from my burdens / mind.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny myself the opportunity to find self-honesty and self-change and setting myself free from my mind-bullshit – through utilizing the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ when I have to do my responsibilities and have resistance towards it and have guilt come up within me because I know I am being self-dishonest in accepting and allowing myself to participate within the resistance because I can stop / do otherwise – and so use that backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ as the last word if/because I can’t find or come up with any really valid and reasonable justification for why I can not move through the resistance and do my responsibilities, and so to save face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/have the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ come up and manifest within my mind when I don’t want to look for more justifications for the resistance of/as not wanting to do my responsibilities – because it’s too much effort and I see, self-honestly, that there is No justification and that I indeed can move myself past that resistance and Do my responsibilities in fact if I but decide so – but still do not really want to move through the resistance, because I do NOT WANT TO do my responsibilities, because it means moving out of my comfort zone / leaving my comfort zone behind and/or ‚losing something‘ I fear losing – and so to save face because I am caught lying or I caugt myself lying and keeping to lie to myself.

Alright I’ll go up to here for this Writing and continue within my next Writing in Day 364.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 01 Jun 2013, 22:12

Day 364 Justifying my Resistance through „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it.“

Within todays writing, I am continuing with self-corrective statements for the self-forgiveness walked in Day 362 for the backchat identified whiten Day 359.

Here is the backchat:

Backchat:

„I don’t want to do my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 359)

„I don’t feel like doing my responsibilities.“ (walked in day 360)

„I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“ (walked in day 363)

„I don’t have this/that – I don’t want to do my responsibilities/this/that.“

„My life sucks, I am in so much conflict – I don’t feel like doing responsibilities/this/that now…“

„I can’t do it/responsibilities now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I am/feel anxious. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“

„I am not in an emotionally well position/state to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I don’t feel well to do my responsibilities/this/that now.“ (walked in day 360)

„I’ll do it later.“

„I feel/am stressed. I can’t do my responsibilities/this/that now.“



Now, continuing with the self-corrective statements:

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application become the Self-Directive Principle of myself, and release myself from my Acceptance and Allowance of being directed by Backchat.

When and as I see and find that I am having and/or participating within the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ – to stop and breathe.


I see, realize and understand that the nature of the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“ is to Prevent/Suppress myself / my self-honesty to Not Look-At and Investigate or Question the/my Resistance I experience or my Unwillingness to do my responsibilities.

I see, realize and understand that the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it, that’s it! Point!“, with specifically the words „That’s it!“ and „Point!“ within the backchat – being used as an expression/statement of having the last word and an act of Silencing/Suppressing/Compromising Myself to Not Question or Look/Investigate the Resistance and/or Unwillingness I experience towards doing my responsibilities and Suppress/Compromise/Prevent Myself from reaching/becoming/being self-honest.

Within that, I see, realize and understand that the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ acts as an Defense and Protection Mechanism of my Mind / Mind’s Personality / the Resistance I experience towards doing my responsibilities, to keep that Personality / Resistance / Experience towards doing my responsibilities up and the same and to keep me away from reaching and being self-honest.

In that, I commit myself to Not accept and allow myself to be part of and participate within that Protection Mechanism of the Mind – and keep myself from reaching and being self-honest and from self-change – and I commit myself to take a deep in-breath and a deep out-breath and remind myself of my understanding and realizations and within that unconditionally let-go of the Backchat and Resistance and move myself to just do my responsibilities immediately.

I see, realize and understand that if I allow myself to not allow the resistance I experience to stop me from doing my responsibilities, such as writing and self-forgiveness – that I would, eventually, within and through my writing and self-forgiveness and through me pushing myself through the resistance and through not letting the resistance stop me from writing and self-forgiveness and/or any other responsibility – that I would reach a point of Self-Honesty and actual Self-Directive Self-Movement – but that the backchat of „I just don’t want to do my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ is used within my mind to actually Prevent/Stop me from reaching that point of Self-Honesty and Self-Directive Principled Self-Movement.

So, I see, realize and understand that what I am doing to myself by/through accepting and allowing the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ to exist in my mind and me to allow myself to participate in it – is that I am suppressing/compromising myself by denying myself to reach self-honesty and self-directive principled self-movement.

So, in that: I commit myself to when and as I see and find that I am participating in and/or having the backchat of „I just don’t want to do it/my responsibilities, that’s it! Point!“ to come up within my mind – to Immediately Stop and Breathe and remind myself of my realizations and understanding and take another deep in-breath and deep out-breath and unconditionally let-go of the backchat and immediately just make that decision to move myself physically and get my responsibilities done immediately/in that moment if practically able to.

I see, realize and understand that it’s simply going to be a matter of actually starting to practice moving myself physically and doing physical labor and finding enjoyment within it through actually focusing on being here within my physical body and enjoying doing things WITH my physical body and stop participating/preoccupying myself in Backchat in my Mind – to break through the pattern I ACCEPTED and ALLOWED Myself to pattern myself into of Not enjoying/liking physical labor/work/effort.

For, I see, realize and understand that Changing Myself and Changing the World will require Physical Labor and Work and Effort from myself and from each one, for otherwise Nothing will move by itself.

So, within that: I commit myself to investigate and stop my resistance/discomfort I experience towards doing physical labor and bringing effort from my side to get things done, and to create myself as a human being with integrity and responsibility – and use the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to do so.

That’s it for todays writing, and I will continue wihtin my next writing in Day 365.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 07 Jun 2013, 21:39

Day 367 Why do I fear going to another country? Imaginations? Movies?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety of going to another country, because of having various imaginations within my mind about it that fuel that fear.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and participate within the imaginations in my mind about moving to another country, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that All I am really doing is create, fuel and maintain Fear and Anxiety within me about moving to another country.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, fuel and maintain my/the Fear and Anxiety about moving to another country, through accepting and allowing myself to believe-in and participate in my Imaginations that Automatically came up within my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that most of my Imagination that comes up within my mind about moving to another country and the Fear and Anxiety that gets activated by/through that – is actually coming from movie scenes, series and news articles of the past.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use movie scenes and series and news articles I read within my past – within my mind and convert/play them in my mind in form of Imagination and Believe-In that Imagination to be true/real and so activate Energies of Anxiety and Fear and Nervousness within me – instead of Breathing and Remaining Here and focusing my attention/awareness rather on ASSISTING and SUPPORT myself within/through the REQUIRED/NECESSARY Process of Moving to/Going to another country – instead of creating and entertaining Fears and Anxieties and Nervousness about it within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak myself out about the point of moving/going to another country, through accepting and allowing myself to participate in Imaginations within my Mind – instead of directing/shifting/focusing my attention/awareness onto Assisting and Supporting myself within and through that process/point of going to/moving to another country.

It’s like I create / maintain / fuel Fear and Anxiety and Nervousness within me about the point/process of going-to/moving-to another country, focusing my attention/awareness All the way on that Fear/Anxiety and ‚What could go wrong‘ – Instead of to actually focus my attention and awareness on ASSISTING and SUPPORTING myself within and through this moving process the Best I Practically can.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus my attention/awareness All on the Fear, Anxiety and ‚what could maybe possibly probably go wrong‘ with moving to/going to another country – Instead of putting that much awareness/attention/effort that I put into participating in my Fears and Anxieties – rather onto ASSISTING and SUPPORTING myself within and through the point of moving to / going to another country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not put that much attention/awareness and effort that I put and direct onto Participating within my Fears and Anxieties about moving to/going to another country – onto Assisting and Supporting myself within and through this point of moving to/going to another country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather would direct and focus all or most of my attention and awareness and effort onto Participating within my fears and anxieties and the imaginations and backchat that fuel and activate these fears and anxieties about a point, such as moving to/going to another country – and Not onto actually Assisting and Supporting myself within and through this point/any point to make it easier/my self-experience more comfortable for myself within and through this point of, for example moving to/going to another country. Bizarre, isn’t it? Lol.

I see, realize and understand that Participating within my Imaginations about moving to /going to another country, activates, fuels and maintains my/the Fears and Anxieties around that point.

So, I see, realize and understand that a key to stop these Fears and Anxieties is to Stop / Not Accept and Allow myself to Participate-In these Imaginations.

Also, I see, realize and understand that I am allowing myself to Believe-In these Imaginations and Fears and Anxieties I have about moving to/going to another country as if they are really true and as if it’s like they are already manifested and happened/happening – while they are Not!

So, with that: I commit myself to assist and support myself with and through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find, flag-point and source and stop all my Imaginations and Fears and Anxieties I have about moving to/going to another country – and to rather Assist and Support myself within and through this process of moving to/going to another country than to participate in and perpetuate/entertain Imaginations, Fears and Anxieties about it.

I see, realize and understand that all or most of the Imaginations and Fears and Anxieties I have about moving to/going to another country comes from movies, series and information I have watched/read within my past and that I am within my mind using that/these memories and Knowledge and Information to create the Imaginations and Fears and Anxieties around/towards moving to/going to another country.

Within that, I commit myself to when and as I see and find that I am going into and participating within Imaginations that activate Fears and Anxieties and Nervousness and Uncertainty within me about moving to/going to another country – to Stop and Breathe and calm myself down. I remind myself that I see, realize and understand that these Imaginations, Fears and Anxieties are mostly coming from movie scenes, series and news articles I saw or read within my past and are not real. I see, realize and understand that having and experiencing and participating within the Fears, Anxieties, Nervousness and Imaginations does Not help anything but makes things even worse for myself. In that, I take a deep in-breath and a deep-out breath and unconditionally let-go of / drop the Imaginations, Fears and Anxieties, and I shift/direct/re-direct my Attentions/Awareness and Effort onto ASSISTING and SUPPORTING myself within and through the point/process of moving to/going to another country instead.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 12 Jun 2013, 20:15

Day 368 Resistance towards going to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going to work because I feel tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am tired to go to work and within that use feeling tired as a justification to validate the resistance I experience within me towards going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards going to work, because I have memories come up within my mind of past moments I was at work and experienced the working day as long and grueling and as if it’s never going to end / slow moving and I couldn’t focus on my work because I had so many unresolved issues / worries within my mind.


Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that I experience resistance going to work because I Fear to experience myself again in worry, conflict and unsettled due to my unresolved issues/points – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that my resistance towards going to work is Resistance / Fear towards facing and dealing with my worries, inner conflicts and unresolved issues/points.

And, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can Not work and do my work properly if I have worries, conflicts and unresolved issues/points within me and my life – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is just an Excuse and Justification to Validate my Fear of having to Face and Deal within these worries, concerns, inner-conflicts, uncertainties and/as unresolved issues/points and that I can physically move myself to work.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the Excuse and Justification of that I can Not work properly because I have worries, concerns, uncertainties, fears, inner-conflicts and unresolved issues within me and my life and that I am too preoccupied by these to do my work and feeling comfortable doing my work – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all these Excuses and Justifications just fuel the Energy of/as Resistance towards going to work and doing my work.

In that, also, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about having to work the job I have, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that complaining doesn’t help anything and only fuels the Resistance I experience towards work and doing my work even more and so I make it just more hard/difficult onto myself than it has to be.

Further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that complaining about having to go to work and do the job I currently have – is not going to change anything about my situation because my situation is created by/through the current World-System/Money-System and unless that changes – Nothing better will come to my job and ‘having to work my job under the current circumstances’ and so Complaining about it won’t help but just fuel the Energy of Resistance towards going to and doing my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Resistance going to work – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the Resistance is in the Nature of Fear.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear / experience Fear of going to work – and hide this Fear behind the Energy of Resistance, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that behind the Resistance there is a Fear of going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear and experience Fear towards going to work, because I fear to experience Thoughts, Backchat, Imaginations and the Emotions I experience because of my worries, concerns, inner-conflicts, uncertainties and unresolved issues within myself and my life.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my CURRENT worries, uncertainties, inner-conflicts and unresolved issues/points within me and my life and whatever bothers me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that they are only TEMPORARY until I walk-through all them and resolve them through self-honesty and commonsense and find a Solution to them.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so preoccupied by my worries, concerns, uncertainties, fears and unresolved issues/points within me and my life – and always ‘keep them in mind’ – kinda like ‘hold onto them’ constantly within my mind – because of fear that if I don’t constantly THINK about them and channel/direct my Attention/Awareness towards them – that it means that I am Suppressing them and they will Not be resolved/solved ever.

Within my next writing I will continue with the last self-forgiveness statement in opening up the point further.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 03 Aug 2013, 20:05

Day 395 Why is it so hard to move self during tiredness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss doing/walking my writing and self-forgiveness, because I felt tired – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I didn’t even question and investigated that tiredness when I used it within my mind as a reason to not do my writing and self-forgiveness, but go to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired and find it strange right now to apply self-forgiveness for the tiredness I experienced and that I then decided to go to sleep instead of doing my writing and self-forgiveness yesterday due to being tired, because I find it just natural that when I am tired, that I go to sleep and that sleeping, or ‘going to sleep’ has precedence over doing my writing and self-forgiveness and everything else – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am kind of just blindly and automatically trusting and believing the point of ‘feeling tired’, or ‘being tired’ and never really question it, but automatically and immediately accept/validate it within me/my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it just ‘natural’ that when I am tired, that I go to sleep, and that within that the tiredness has precedence over everything else, even my writing and self-forgiveness, and that therefor it is okay, or valid to skip, or not do my writing or self-forgiveness, because it is what I have aways done, as far as I can go back within my past/memories: I have always either taken a break, or gone to sleep whenever I would be/feel tired, and then just drop or skip my responsibilities or whatever I was doing, or was about/had to do – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within that I have actually never really questioned tiredness and seen how it always came up within moments where I was busy doing a responsibility, or preparing to/having to do a responsibility or something that I did not really Wanted to do.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I have always taken a break, or gone to sleep when I would have been tired and stopped or skipped the responsibility, task or thing I have been busy with, or about to do within those moments – to use this memory reference as a point of excuse and justification to validate and make it sound/feel/appear ‘okay’ to skip/not do my writing and self-forgiveness and/or other responsibilities within my process or life when/if I feel tired, or a tiredness comes up or overwhelms me in a moment – because I just find it to hard and difficult to continue with my responsibilities or work or tasks I am busy or have to do when/if a tiredness comes up and a tiredness is present within me and my body – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am just unconditionally/fully submitting to an experience, without even questioning and investigating and understanding it; investigating and understanding/finding out whether or not this tiredness that I perceive or claim to be real and ‘to much’ for me, is in fact real/physical, or really just a mind-energy experience/feeling that I am accepting and allowing myself to give into and abdicate my self-directive principle to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it to be just to difficult and hard for me to move myself to either continue or start to do/work on my responsibilities and tasks within my process or life that need to be done, such as writing and self-forgiveness, or work and school – when/if a tiredness comes up and/or is present within myself/my body/my awareness – because it has this feeling, or force to it of ‘pulling’ you down and back at the same time, and also ‘weakening’ your very physical body where the eyes feel like just closing and the body feels like just finally wanting to rest, even if it’s just for short – that I feel powerless against/towards – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience I have of being powerless against/towards this feeling/sensation/effect that tiredness has on me/my physical body, is not something that I have decided to exist as in relationship to the experience/sensation of tiredness, and that it thus raises the question of where this ‘powerlessness’ comes from that I accept/see myself as in relationship to feeling/experiencing the feeling/sensation of tiredness on me/my physical body, and find it out/understand it, and change my relationship to it through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I’ll go up to here for this writing, and continue with this point of tiredness within my next writing in day 396.

Thank you very much.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 28 Aug 2013, 17:20

Feeling hopeless against anger, therefor I should just give in

Within the last few days I have been getting more and more irritated and having reactions of anger towards some family members. While I was sitting on the couch, closing my eyes, taking a breath, a family member was talking, and I could experience how this anger started to accumulate, strengthen, become more, but I was determined to stick to my breathing, reminding myself of the processes of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application I have walked already on the anger point – but at one point I felt overwhelmed by this anger, because the more and more this family member talked and continued talking, the more and more the anger and irritation would be fueled and I was at a point of feeling helpless/hopeless to the anger and to the situation of getting/reacting in anger when this family member talks to me – that there came a moment where I Thought to just give in, because it felt like I cannot ‘control’ this anger, that I cannot not react in anger and remain stable within this storm that is going on in my mind.


In here I saw a pre-programmed point within my mind/myself of if I feel/experience helplessness towards stopping a point/emotion/feeling/experience/energy/pattern/reaction/behavior within me, that I will then have this overwhelming, strong, forceful Desire come up within my mind to just Give-In to the emotion/feeling/pattern, like Anger in this event.

I am assisting and supporting myself with/through self-forgiveness to release/let-go of/stop this point/program/pattern within me.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the desire within my mind to just give into the anger that I am/was experiencing and no longer concern myself about ‘trying’/putting in the effort/self-application to live my self-corrective application/self-correction I established or that I see for the Anger I am/was experiencing within me, because the anger felt overwhelming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to if I react in anger and experience anger, and if the anger feels overwhelming within my mind, to then automatically and immediately have the Desire/Want come up within my mind to just give-in to the anger and go into it fully, because I feel helpless and hopeless towards the intensity of the energy of anger within me.

I see, realize and understand that there is this point within me/my mind where I will experience a Desire and Want to just give-in to the anger, If just the very energy/experience of Hopelessness and/or Helplessness is present within my awareness of what I experience/feel on an energetic/energy level. In other words: If I experience the energy/emotions of helplessness and/or hopelessness within me/my mind, that very point of these emotions/energies of hopelessness and helplessness being what I experience within me at that moment, will then trigger a/the Desire to just give-in to the anger, to come up within my mind in various forms: Thoughts, Backchat and Emotional-/Feeling Energy.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless and helpless towards the level/intensity of anger I experience, because I think it’s too strong and too much to handle or direct.

Within this, I see, realize and understand that this is just thoughts that speak to me/tell me that it is just too strong or too much to handle or direct the anger I am experiencing, and is thus, in fact, not a real valid statement to justify why I want/desire to just give-in to the anger instead of putting in the self-effort/living application to remain stable and direct myself within and as the storm of anger/reaction I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Think that the anger/the energy of anger I experience is just too strong and just too much to handle and direct/direct myself within, because I know it is much easier to just give-in to the anger and play along with it, go with it, instead of ‘against it’ so to speak, and that I will experience a release from the energy of irritation and anger after/when/if I give-into the anger and just burst out in anger in word and deed.

Alright, I will go up to here for this writing today, and I will continue with further self-forgiveness within my next writing.

Thank you for reading!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 29 Aug 2013, 19:38

Day 415 Giving into Anger: Short Term Release or Long Term consequence?

Within todays writing I am continuing with expanding on the self-forgiveness walked within last days writing (Day 414) on the point of Anger.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Think that the anger/the energy of anger I experience is just too strong and just too much to handle and direct/direct myself within, because I know it is much easier to just give-in to the anger and play along with it, go with it, instead of ‘against it’ so to speak, and that I will experience a release from the energy of irritation and anger after/when/if I give-into the anger and just burst out in anger in word and deed.” – from the writing of day 414

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that that is just an Excuse, Reason and Justification for why I am not willing/wanting to put in the effort to face and walk through and stop the anger within me.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse, reason and justification of knowing that if I give into anger/the energy of anger, that it is much easier than to breathe and move myself and not participate in the anger, for I will actually FEEL BETTER if I participate fully/go fully into anger/being angry and burst out in anger/act on the anger when I experience the energy of anger, while it is quite ‘hard’ and ‘difficult’ to remain stable and move myself and not act on the anger/energy when it is experienced/present/here – for Why I give into the anger/energy and not direct myself with all effort/will/decisiveness/discipline necessary.


I see, realize and understand that I am defining the process/act of breathing and keeping myself stable and self-directive and moving Myself within the energy of anger, as ‘hard’ and ‘difficult’, and within doing so I am ‘determining’/accepting/creating my very experience of that being so. Further, I see, realize and understand that I have in doing so, created/programmed a character/personality within my mind. This character/personality is: “It’s hard and difficult to remain stable and direct myself in anger/anger energy” Character/Personality.

In that, I see, realize and understand that I am believing/existing within a BELIEF that I will feel better if I give into the anger, but what is escaping my mind is in the long term. Meaning, that, yes, it is easier to give into the anger/energy and feel better immediately by doing so, BUT, this ‘feeling better’ is only temporary/for the moment, for the long term consequence is, that I will probably, while I give in anger and ALLOW myself to be possessed by anger – will say and do things that will cause consequence, and that I will, in the end, when the anger/energy wears off, come back to earth/here and be hit by regret and consequences for what I did or said while I was allowing myself to be possessed by anger. Within this, I see, realize and understand that I as the mind only aims/focuses/tunnel-visions on the short-term Release/Feeling Better Experience, but is within that blacking-out/covering/not looking into the LONG-TERM effect/impact/consequence it will have within my life, on me and others when/if I give-into the anger just because I want to feel a release and feel-better/feel-good because the anger is making me ‘feel bad/unpleasant’.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will feel better/good if I give into anger/the energy of anger when I experience it, because I as the mind have accepted and allowed myself to only be oriented/looking for how I can make myself feel better/feel good immediately/as soon as possible, BUT what I as the mind is not aware of is that I am not considering/looking at the LONG-TERM process/impact/effect this point of giving into the anger and feeling immediately better because of that – will have in my life, on me and on others – But that I as the mind am only Looking/Looking For/Aiming for the SHORT-TERM, the IMMEDIATE RELEASE from Discomfort/Not feeling good and within that disregard/not see/not look at/not realize/is not aware/is not considering of the actual CONSEQUENCES in the long term.

Alright, I will be going up to here for this writing, and continue within my next writing.

Thank you for reading!




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