Day 543 Too much of one thing
„I see and realize that I have created the overwhelmingness that I experience right now through/by postponing my responsibilities tothe end of the day and then feeling pressured and being in a rush to complete and get all these responsibilities done for which I had the entire day time for, but didn’t and postponed – trying to get them all done now within the last few hours I have left of my day.“
“So, I see and realize that the overwhelmingness that I experience is not due to the amount of work/responsibilities that I have to do, but ‚overwhelmed‘ by TRYING to get everything done within the last few hours that I have left of my day, because I didn’t do them when I had the opportunity and practical time to so so, but postponed them instead – building up resistance-energy and then in the late evening WANTING and TRYING to get it all done then, which creates a point where I feel pressured and am in a rush and aFear and Anxiety of not being able to get it all done by the end of the day within the last few hour that I have left of my day – which creates the Energy/Emotion of Overwhelmingness.“
Today I am continuing with the last days writing, continuing from the above paragraph.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my process responsibilities to the end of the day, because of resistance that I experience to do them in the moment that I have free time and the opportunity to do a responsibility opens up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to do a responsibility when I have the time to do so and the opportunity to do so opens up at a time within my day – because I want to do something else that I have either been doing or wanted to start to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to find a balance between all the responsibilities and overall tasks that I am, have to or want to do within a day – and not obsess with one task over another, but create an equilibrium, a balance between responsibilities and tasks during one day.
Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess with one task and want to do that one task most of my day, and within that resist to and don’t want to do anything else but that one task that I obsess with – instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I cannot obsess with just one task or responsibility over another, and that I have to find/create a balance between all the tasks and responsibilities that I have or need to or want to do within one day.
For, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that allowing myself to obsess with one task/point only, is going to have consequences. Consequences like not having enough time to do or finish up other responsibilities or tasks that I have to or need to do and finish within that day, because I have postponed them to the end of the day by not wanting to do them due to wanting to continue to do the one task that I obsess with.
Within that, I see, realize and understand that it is not suggested or ‚wise‘ to obsess with just one or a few tasks / points and neglect all the other tasks / points that are part of my life, world, reality and process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the few tasks or points that I obsess with and want to spend most of my daily time with, are NOT the ONLY point, are not the TOTALITY or ENTIRETY of ALL the points that are PART of my ENTIRE world, reality, life and process, and that the task or point that I obsess with and that I like doing a lot – is but just ONE single point within a MULTITUDE of different points that are also existent as parts within my self, world, reality, life and process, and that within that I cannot obsess with just one or a few points / tasks within a day and neglect the other part/points. I see, realize and understand that I have to find/create/establish a balance within and between ALL the points that are part of my life, world, reality and process and need direction or to get done within / during a day or specific time.
I see, realize and understand that another consequence of obsessing with just one or a few points and within that obsession neglecting all the other points that are still very much part of the points that I need to do or direct within the same day or the same time or time-frame – is also going to create guilt within me, because I self-honestly know that I am obsessed and that I am due to my obsession with just one or few points neglecting all the other points within and of my life, world, reality and process. And with that guilt being present within me due to that understanding/awareness of mine in relation to what I am doing – it’s going to compromise my ability to enjoy doing what I like even, so I’ll end up not being able to enjoy what I like even due to the guilt of me knowing that I am being self-dishonest.
So, I see, realize and understand that it’s not worth it to obsess with one or a few points over another.
I see, realize and understand that it should simply be me assessing self-honesty how much time is required for me to set aside and dedicate to a particular point/task based on it’s priority, which I also assess and determine within self-honesty – and then the next step is I set aside that amount of time and dedicate to work on / with that point for the necessary/required time.
Further, I see, realize and understand that not all points require the same amount of time for me to work with them, and that balance or finding balance between all the points that need direction and that I need to work on/with within a day or time-frame/time-period – doesn’t mean that all points will need or require the same amount of time to be dedicated to do them or work with them. No. Balance or finding/establishing a balance in that context means to schedule my available time within one day in such a way that I do tend to the most priority tasks/points that need direction and work within THAT day or THAT time/time-frame/time-period, and this scheduling is flexible and not set. Meaning it is a Daily and Real-Time New Scheduling of what tasks/points I need/require to tend to within THIS DAY/TIME and determining how much time I need to dedicate to each of those tasks/points and determining what is the most Priority point/task within THIS DAY/TIME, and accordingly move myself within and throughout my day.
I commit myself to practice such a daily real-time scheduling of the points/tasks/responsibilities that I need to tend to within the CURRENT day by assessing what tasks/points are of most priority to tend to within the current day and then determining how much time is required for me to dedicate to walk that point/task/responsibility.
I’ll be going up to here for today and continue within my next writing.