Aldin's Journey to Life

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Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 01 Mar 2014, 19:11

Day 546 Why am I remaining stuck in one point? Why don’t I move on?

In todays writing I am walking a point that I noticed within myself where I realized that I am allowing myself to remain stuckwithin one point and don’t allow myself to simply move on.

So, here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move past my points that I am facing within my mind/process but instead remain stuck within them for weeks, months or even years simply because I do not realize that I gotta decide to move past them and not allow myself anymore to over-occupy myself with the same point which is remaining stuck within a point.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to stay in or at a single point within my mind over and over and over again, writing abut it over and over and over again; the same exact point, never moving on, because I think and believe that there is or must be something else within that point that I have to investigate and write about and clear before I can move on, instead ofseeing, realizing and understanding that this is a form of obsession and possession that is happening within my mind in relation to one single point.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am going to be stuck within one single point or within the same point(s) for as long as I accept and allow myself to be stuck and as long as I don’t allow myself to move on and move past that one single point and deliberately move and push myself to expand myself in my process in the sense of expanding the range of points that I take-on and walk within my process and not allow myself to remain stuck within one single or just a few points within my mind for weeks or months.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I find myself falling over and over and over again at one and the same point to remain stuck within that one point by just doing my writing about that one point over and over and over again, trying to find the ultimate answer/reason as to why I keep falling but do not realize that by doing so I am limiting myself within the points that I can walk within my process and that I am allowing and accepting myself to be and remain stuck within just doing the writing and the self-forgiveness and the self-corrective statements for just this one point that I keep falling and that I am the One that is ‘not accepting and allowing myself to move-on’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I will not be able to move on or move past a point that I find myself stuck within within my process for as long as I do not accept and allow myself to and ‘makethe decision’ to move on and move past that one point that I ‘feel’ stuck in.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this decision to move on and move past a point that I find myself stuck within for days, or weeks or months or even years – has to be a deliberate decision within taking self-responsibility and self-initiative and self-directive principle to make that decision and then apply/live it and move on and unstuck myself from where I am ‘stuck’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself stuck within the point of giving in to resistance often and to within that allow myself to remain stuck within that by wondering ‘why’ and trying to find the ultimate answer/reason as to ‘why’ I have this tendency to always give in to resistance and give up on myself and what I set myself up to do when resistancecomes up within me/my mind and by then always just focusing my attention and awareness in my writings and my self-forgiveness on finding/trying to find this ultimate answer/reason and cure against resistance-energy instead of allowing myself to move on and move past the resistance point by realizing that I will be and remain stuck within that point for as long as I accept and allow myself to be and remain stuck within that point and not allow myself to move on and move past that point: I decide/I am the One that decide.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is no ultimate answer or cure for resistance and that I can write and do self-forgiveness on resistance into eternity without any change happening because I see, realize and understand that when it comes to resistance I really have to ACT physically; I have to make the decision to deliberately move on and past the resistance and still do and follow through with whatever I set myself up to do/whatever I decided to do despite the resistance or amount of resistance that comes up or comes my way and not allow and accept myself to stop there in front of the resistance and just because of the resistance when it comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an accepted program of remaining stuck within a point instead of moving on.

This is it for todays writing and I will continue within my next writing. Thank you for reading!



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Anna
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Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 01 Mar 2014, 19:28

Cool Aldin!

I can definitely relate to this point. Something I've looked at for myself in this context of making a decision to change is the question of: 'what does it mean to make a decision?' - because I've made this 'decision' so many times, but that didn't 'make me change' lol - and then I had a talk with my partner about it and he said that making a decision is to "see what needs to be done and doing it" and I was like: "But that I can do!" lol because I've done that before - I know what it means to see something that needs to be done and doing it. So you can see if you can apply this for yourself, have a look at such points in your life where you've simply physically directed yourself to move and then utilize that same self-movement to make that decision to change.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 01 Mar 2014, 22:51

Yes, a good reference Anna! Thank you I will be applying that point!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 16 Mar 2014, 09:38

Day 547 Self-Forgiveness as the Evil Enemy in my Mind

In todays writing I will be opening up a point where I resist doing my responsibilities when I have free time, like when I finished studying or so.

I’m not yet able to name this character/personality or pattern, but will do so as I progress in my walk-through it.

Thought Dimension:

A picture of me sitting by the desk/table with my computer doing my responsibilities/writing/self-forgiveness and looking/appearing distressed, struggling and in pain/agony.

Imagination Dimension:

Within the imagination I am walking towards my desk where my computer is on my way to sit down there and start my writing/self-forgiveness/responsibilities. Already on the walk/way to my desk my body posture and movement is all sluggish and heavy. My arms are heavy and falling on the sides of my body. My head and back is slouched and my neck/head is tilted forward. My legs/knees are bent and my steps are very heavy/tedious. It is quite the effort to take a step and walk towards my desk/computer. I experience tiredness and feel heavy physically and emotionally/mentally. I am surrounded by a dark-grey and black scene and I see my desk/computer with the responsibilities/tasks that are waiting for me in the distance. There is this circle in the dark-grey and black scene that is open and where the computer/desk is visible. The scene looks daunting and the computer/desk/destination to where I am walking looks daunting/scary/intimidating to me. I experience/see/believe the destination/desk/computer towards which I am walking to be a danger from where I want to keep myself away from and that’s why I am so heavy and sluggish in my movement/walk towards the destination because I don’t want to go and be there but experience myself as forced to by my self-awareness that self-honestly sees I have to go there and do the responsibilities/tasks. I project myself finally arriving at the destination and sitting by the desk and starting/doing the writing/self-forgiveness/responsibilities and how it looks like is I am in this dark-grey and black colored substance/scene with just this small circle opened in the the center of it where the desk, the computer and me sitting there and typing on the computer is visible and looking from the outside it looks like I am contained, trapped and damned to exist/be in this little space/circle within this daunting and scary external/outside scenery that is just a pure dark-grey and black substance where I am all alone in this little circle where just a desk, computer, me and my responsibilities/writing/self-forgiveness exist that I have no way out and am forced to do and have a foot-chain with a massive super heavy black ball attached to the chain, like in old prisondepictions in movies, that makes it impossible for me to move away from the desk, the computer and my writing/self-forgiveness/responsibilities.

Backchat Dimension:

“I’d rather study than do my responsibilities.”

“Damn, I’ll be done with studying soon and then I have to do my responsibilities”, “I don’t want to…”

I’ll be starting with some self-forgiveness first and in my next writing continue with further walking/writing down the Character/Personality-Dimensions.

Self-Forgiveness on Thought-Dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when it comes to doing my responsibilities, now especially writing, self-forgiveness and DIP when I have the practical free timeto do so (like after studying) – to then have a thought as picture of me sitting by a/my desk/table with my computer doing my responsibilities/writing/self-forgiveness and looking/appearing distressed, struggling and in pain/agony due to the writing/self-forgiveness/responsibility task – manifest and come-up within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within that thought as picture within my mind as if the thought as picture is real within the sense of that is depicting and showing and reflecting actual physical factual reality, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the fact of the matter of writing, self-forgiveness and doing my responsibilities is that they are not something that inflict harm or agony onto me, but are simply physical acts where I merely write on my computer or on paper or whatever device I use to write with.

Thus I see, realize and understand that the act of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP is not like an external manifested evil entity that is physically or emotionally/mentally abusing me and inflicting harm onto me on any level.

I see, realize and understand that it is my mind that is depicting the act/point/process/task of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and doing DIP as such an evil harming external manifested entity whose function or purpose it is to make my life and self-experience hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from accepting and allowing myself to participate within that thought activate an Imagination within my mind within which I then also participate and allow myself to be directed by instead of directing myself.

I’ll be going up to here for todays writing. See you in my next writing!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 16 Mar 2014, 09:39

Day 548 My Mind makes Self-Forgiveness evil

Within todays writing I am continuing with Day 547 and continuing with finishing up identifiying the remaining character/personality dimensions that I ended off within that last writing.

Backchat Dimension – continued:

“It’s gonna be so tiresome, I can already feel the tiredness.”
“Do I really need to do the writing/self-forgiveness now?”, “I don’t want to…”
Emotions and Feelings Dimension:

Resistance,
Tiredness,
Anxiety,
Irritation,
Physical Body Experiences and Physical Behavior Dimension:

Physical Body Experiences:

Constricted Chest,
Muscles in my arms and feet tense up/constrict,
Shallow breathing
Physical Behavior:

Tilt my head;
Slouched body posture with my back slouched, arms hanging off the sides of my body;
Eyes close half-way;
Breathing slows down, I breathe very slow and irregularly;
I turn my head to a direction and stare into the air or an object as if I am in a trance (this is me going into my mind participating in the resistance that I experience)
Self-Corrective Statements on Thought-Dimension:

I see, realize and understand that the thought as picture that manifests within my mind that depicts the process and act of writing, self-forgiveness and DIP as a gruesome and struggling process that is making me feel shit – is not aligned/reflecting/showing/representing actual physical factual reality and that the truth/reality of writing, self-forgiveness and DIP is that it is not something that puts me into such an experience or position, but are actually physical tools that are quite ‘comfortable’ to do and can be done for example by simply sitting on a chair with a computer in front of me, a cup of coffee or other beverage next to it, me sitting in a physically comfortable position, breathing comfortably and typing my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and my DIP-Assignments on the computer – thus quite a physically pleasant activity where I get to know myself, my mind, my physical body and my problems better and am able to equally get to know and see and realize solutions and implement/script/define clear step-by-step routines/actions/applications that I can follow and apply/live in physical reality to assist and support myself to accomplish/realize/manifest Self-Change within and in relation to any points/problems/programs/systems within myself/my mind.

Thus, I see, realize and understand that I am through my MIND creating the illusion/picture/imagination about the act/process of doing my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments being this something that puts me into a position of inflicting emotional and physical harm/discomfort onto me – and that the process/application of doing my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments is not as my imagination/thoughts/projections in my mind depict it to be to me and that all such experiences that I experience are thus Self-Created THROUGH my very participation and belief within those thoughts/pictures/expectations/projections/imaginations that exist and come up within my mind.

So that, When and As I see and find/become aware of such thoughts/pictures that depict the process/act of doing my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments as being this something/force that is going to inflict ‘negative’/unpleasant experiences emotionally and physically onto me, manifest within my mind: I stop and breathe. I take an deep in-breath and breath-out slowly. I remind myself that it is only my mind through these/such thoughts/pictures that depict/define/project that doing my Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments will put/place me into such a position where ‘It makes Me’ experience myself as shit and unpleasant emotionally and physically and that such depiction is not in alignment to the actual physical reality fact of how and what doing my Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments is like. I remind myself that in physical reality, as a fact, doing my Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments is a physical act that I can make quite pleasant for myself where it requires me to but sit somewhere and I can position my body so that it sits in a very physically comfortably feeling position and way, I can have a coffee or any other beverage of my choice next to or with me, I can comfortably place my hand on the desk or wherever I write or do my Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignment, type comfortably on my Computer or wherever I am doing or planning to do my Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments, I can direct myself to and decide to breathe in such a way that it feels physically comfortable and then I simply do/walk my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and DIP-Assignments. Within that I take another in-breath and with the out-breath I unconditionally let go of the thoughts/pictures and direct myself to – and decide to stop participation within them. I continue breathing and direct myself to do my Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness and/or DIP-Assignment in the most comfortable way that I can practically make/create it for myself.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 17 Mar 2014, 00:46

Day 549 From imaginative to physical demotivation & listlessness

In todays writing I am continuing with self-forgiveness for the character/personality identified within the last two writings. Today starting with the self-forgiveness for the imagination dimension.

Self-Forgiveness for Imagination Dimension:

Within the imagination I am walking towards my desk where my computer is on my way to sit down there and start my writing/self-forgiveness/responsibilities. Already on the walk/way to my desk my body posture and movement is all sluggish and heavy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and participate within the imagination in my mind that depicts me walking towards my desk where my computer is and I am on my way to sit down there by the desk and start my writing, self-forgiveness and/or other responsibilities and where I in my walking/physical movement and attitude towards the writing, self-forgiveness and responsibilities am all sluggish and heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the imagination and keep myself occupied by only the content of theimagination as my mind is showing it to me, and within that occupation with only or mostly just the content of my imagination distract myself from and thus prevent myself from seeing the actual energy-experiences as emotions and feelings that are within and behind the imagination.

For, I see, realize and understand there are certain energies/energy-experiences as emotions and feelings behind and within an imagination within my mind and that it is these energies as emotions and feelings that are powering and giving ‘life’ to the imagination and thus I see and realize and understand that I need/require to find and walk/stop participation in these energies as emotions and feelings that are powering the imagination and not only focus on just the detail of the content of the imagination in-order to be able to effectively stop being controlled and directed and existent within such/that imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate within an energy/energy-experience that I can at best describe as heaviness at this moment and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to not participate within that energy/energy-experience of/as ‘heaviness’ by seeing, realizing, understanding and reminding myself that I am the One that Decide who I am in every moment and thus I am the One with the ability and power to make the Decision to either participate or Not to Participate within that energy/energy-experience of/as ‘heaviness’.

My arms are heavy and falling on the sides of my body. My head and back is slouched and my neck/head is tilted forward. My legs/knees are bent and my steps are very heavy/tedious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the energies/energy-experiences of/as sluggishness, demotivation/absence and lack of motivation, listlessness and drowsiness towards moving myself physically towards a location or destination where I will be starting to do my writing, self-forgiveness, DIP assignments and/or any other responsibilities and towards writing, self-forgiveness, DIP assignments and any other responsibilities itself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that through having and participating within such an imagination where within the imagination I am depicted as sluggish, demotivated, listless and drowsy in my relationship/approach to writing, self-forgiveness, DIP-assignments and any other responsibilities – that I am from that imagination creating my emotional and feeling as-well as physical experiences and thus creating that imagination into physical reality from the perspective of creating such inner emotional/feeling experiences as-well as inner physical experiences plus outer physical behaviors for real and so actually create myself from the imagination into actual reality as sluggish, demotivated, listless and drowsy because that is what I accept and allow and define myself to be.

Alright, I’ll be going up to here for this writing, and continue within my next writing.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 16 Apr 2014, 12:32

Day 556 Temptation of Positive Energy and Resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that missing one day of writing where I could have done it is okay and alright and doesn’t harm.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this thinking has become a mind-set within me that I now follow more than just here and there.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and live by the mind-set of missing one day of writing even if I could have done it practically is okay and alright and doesn’t really harm, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that if my starting point of not doing my writing and self-forgiveness in a day where I can practically do it, where I do practically have to the time to do it, is due to resistance or energy – then I am being self-dishonest and upon that the living statement that I embody and make by such an action is that of abdicating self-directive principle and allowing and accepting the Mind as Energy to direct me and ‘make me’ not write and/or do/apply self-forgiveness and thus I see and realize that what will accumulate is this abdication of self-directive principle and this allowance of allowing the mind as energy to direct me and this specific point which is my relationship to energy within the context of who I am towards and within Energy and My Mind will gradually start changing and sooner or later, at some point, the small changes that accumulate through time will reach a moment/point where the relationship I have towards energy will change to such an extent that my directive principle will be so diminished that I will be more ‘sensitive’ to Energy and what my Mind brings up within the context that I will fall more often and easier to Energy and the points and energies that my mind brings up.


So, I see, realize and understand the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to deliberately miss a day of writing and/or self-forgiveness from an self-dishonest starting-point. I see and realize that such an accepted and allowed action of mine will backfire and I will be the One whom is going to be hit by the Consequences that such action harbors with it.

So, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately miss a day of writing and self-forgiveness if I have energy experiences and resistance come up within my mind and physically towards doing writing and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tempted by the positive energies/energy experiences/feelings of comfort and relaxation that I experience together with the energies and experiences of resistance when it’s about time to do my writing and self-forgiveness, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that such positive energy experiences as positive feelings are deceiving and only showing the bright side of the context of the moment while veiling and obfuscating the ‘dark’ side of an action, which is the Consequence Side/Part that the action, if carried out, will have and bring upon and into manifestation.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the positive pictures and ‘promises’ that positive energy as positive feelings present to me instead of also looking at and assessing if there are any ‘negative’ sides as Actual Long-Term Consequences to the positive images and ‘promises’ and imaginations of positive energies as positive feelings that my mind manifest and have me experience it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through allowing and accepting myself to fall for the temptation of the positive energies/energy-experiences as positive feelings of comport, relaxation and easiness that my mind manifest and stream into and through me/my beingness when the moment comes to do some actually PHYSICAL work that requires me to put in actual PHYSICAL EFFORT and that is something where my actual AWARENESS has to step-in and I have to work on something With AWARENESS, such as writing and self-forgiveness – for Writing and Self-Forgiveness are things that require actual PHYSICAL EFFORT and PHYSICAL WORK and require my actual AWARENESS-INPUT and AWARENESS-FOCUS onto what I write about and do self-forgiveness about which is ME/SELF and thus bears the potential that I Realize or Discover something within my Self through my Awareness that my mind feels threatened by within is current parameters and protocols of how it functions and what it needs according to it’s wants and desires.

In other words, since writing and self-forgiveness are actual physical actions where I actually have to physically move myself and be in my Physical Body and Move Myself and Direct Myself Physically within My Body and really use my Awareness and because I am really working on MY-SELF through writing and self-forgiveness – doing so bears a very, very, very high potential and likelihood of realizing and discovering something more about myself that will actually empower me but at the same time be a threat to how my mind perceives it and thus my Mind doesn’t want me to go there where I even just could possible discover or realize something about myself and create something within myself that will empower me as a self-directive principle for if I do so, my relationship to my mind will change and it it will change not in favor to how my mind works and what it wants and desires based on how it’s currently programmed as, which is Energy – and that’s why it will create Resistance towards doing such actions like self-forgiveness and writing where I can discover something about me that will empower me and change my relationship to my mind and energy, and also bring up positive energies as positive feelings of comfort, relaxation and easiness together with negative experiences as negative emotions of like tiredness, laziness, fear, anxiety, stress etc. just to not have me in fact go there to do something like writing and self-forgiveness where I will discover something about me that will empower me more and change my relationship to my mind/energy.

I will continue with this within writings to come. Thank you!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 21 Apr 2014, 16:35

Day 557 Boredom, Resistance and Positive Desire-Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bored and don’t know what to do within my day, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do have quite a lot of process responsibilities and other responsibilities to do but that the point is that I do not want to do these.

Thus, I see, realize and understand that I am in fact fully aware of the fact that I do have very important things and tasks as responsibilities to do, such as my process responsibilities as well as responsibilities in other areas of my life like school and that I in fact cannot be bored due to not having anything to do, for I see and realize that I do have things to do.

When and as I see and find that I am within my mind going into justifying the boredom energy/emotion/energy-experience by believing or participating within the belief that I do not have anything to do and that’s why I am bored: I stop and breathe. I remind myself that if I really self-honestly look I will admit that I in fact do have quite lots of responsibilities such as process ones to do and that I cannot and won’t be bored if I have such things/activities to do. Within that I do not allow myself to further participate and give-into or try to justify the boredom energy/energy-experience/emotion that I experience. I take another in-breath and within and as it I ‘place’ myself as the directive-principle. Then I hold the breath and in that moment in-between the in-breath and out-breath I make and stand/’place’ myself as the decision in self-directive principle to myself be the One who moves myself and not allow the energy/emotion of boredom to move, direct and control me. Then I breathe out and within the out-breath I express My-Self in and as the Decision I made/’placed’ myself within/as and pick/choose one of the responsibilities/things/tasks that I do see I have/can do and accordingly move myself physically to do them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to as in not feel up for doing responsibilities, such as process responsibilities, because it’s not as exhilarating and entertaining/amusing like doing other things such as watching a TV show, a movie or just browsing through the internet on Facebook and others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am allowing myself to simply not do my responsibilities, such as process-responsibilities due to an energy/energy-experience/emotion such as exhilaration or amusement not being present as an Energetic- Movement, Presence or Force within my mind and my body that I experience that gives me and stand as the Motivation/Force that gives me a Reason and Purpose that is strong enough to make me move myself and actually do the tasks/responsibilities; it’s like there’s not enough or a strong enough Desire-Energy/Positive Desire-Energy within my mind towards doing responsibilities like there is towards watching a TV show or movie or just relax in other entertaining ways.

I see, realize and understand that the reason why I am more motivated to watch a TV show, a movie, listen to music, browse the internet or do any other activities that I define as relaxing than doing my responsibilities/process-responsibilities is due to a different extent and intensity or even absence of Desire-Energy that I experience within my mind towards a task/thing. Like I experience a lot of desire-energy towards watching a TV show or movie but there is an total absence or lack of Desire-Energy towards doing my responsibilities/process-responsibilities and I further see, realize and understand that I am allowing myself to define my motivation, my movement, the “Whether or not I do something or move myself to do something” based on the Presence or Absence or Intensity of Desire-Energy towards a particular task/thing in comparison to another, instead of me myself as SELF being the Only Directive Principle and Determining Factor and my own Self-Motivation that Decide if I do something or not, but not allow the presence or absence of an Energy-Experience/Feeling such as Desire-Energy to tell me or make me either want to do a thing/task or not.

When and as I see and find that I am not wanting to do my responsibilities/process-responsibilities but want to do something else that I experience more positive energy towards: I stop and breathe. I remind myself that the reason why I do not want to do my responsibilities but rather want to do something else that is something I define and experience as more ‘relaxing’, such as watching a TV show or movie or so – is because within my mind there is more Desire-Energy towards doing that than towards walking and doing my process-responsibilities. Within that, I remind myself that I see and realize that I am allowing Desire-Energy and it’s absence or presence to direct me for me to decide what I will do and what I will resist and end up not doing. I see, realize and understand that it does not have to be this way and that I can in fact stand as my own self-directive principle and ‘place’ myself as the only one who directivly decides what I will do and what not based on my understanding, self-honesty and simply by me being self-directive and not allowing energy, such as desire-energy to direct me or make decisions for me. Then I take another in-breath and out-breath and I express myself by breathing and moving/pushing through the desire-energy that I experience towards doing something else instead of my responsibilities and not allow the desire-energy to divert my attention and influence/direct me to the point where I give in to it totally and end up following that desire-energy and moving myself away from doing my responsibilities.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application investigate and remove/release myself from the control of positive desire-energy and to establish myself as Absolute Self-Directive Principle that stands in the face of any Emotion and Feeling, Positive or Negative and Not allows myself to be diverted or directed through it but Direct Myself simply as My Self.

I commit myself to practice my self-corrective applications in real-time to see if they work or not and accordingly adjust and modify as and when and if necessary.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Journey to Life

Postby Dilan » 22 Apr 2014, 12:41

Day 558 Studying… an Emotionally-Negative Horror…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience irritation within myself because I see that I require to study for school, especially for certain subjects but that I am wasting precious physical time by postponing doing so and participating in and staying in resistance-energy.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste precious physical time by postponing my responsibility of studying for school due to having/experiencing and participating in and staying in resistance-energy towards studying and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and remain/stay/continue staying within the resistance-energy that I experience towards studying instead of assisting and supporting myself with breathing, physical self-movement and self-corrective application, writing and/or self-forgiveness to push through and so move-out of the resistance-energy.

I see, realize and understand that I am making a choice/decision there within the moment that resistance-energy comes up and manifests or activates within my mind and I experience it – where I choose/decide to participate in and remain/stay/continue staying there within the resistance-energy instead of also seeing, realizing and understanding that I can make another choice/decision within the moment that resistance-energy comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind, which is that I can choose/decide to assist and support myself to push-through and move-through the resistance-energy and still continue to do my responsibilities or whatever it is that I have to do or that I set/decided/wanted to do before the resistance-energy came up or activated within my mind; seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the tools to assist and support myself to move-through and push-through the resistance-energy – the tools which are breathing, self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-writing and self-corrective application.


Within that, I see, realize and understand that I have full self-responsibility within this context of deciding who I am and what I will do in the moment when/as resistance-energy comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind towards a responsibility or task I have to do or want to do and decided to do before the resistance-energy came-up and manifested or activated within my mind.

Thus, I see, realize and understand that I have and carry full accountability for Who I am and What I do and How I act/move/behave/respond to the resistance-energy when/as/if it comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind towards a responsibility or a task that I understand I have to do or want to do and decided to do.

Within that: When and as I see and find that I am participating in and staying in/continuing to stay within resistance-energy when, as or if it comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind towards a responsibility or responsibilities or a task or tasks that I understand and see I have to do or that I want to do and/or that I decided to do before the resistance-energy came-up and manifested or activated within my mind towards it: I stop and breathe. I immediately remind myself that I don’t have to stay, continue staying or participate or continue participating within the resistance-energy that came-up and manifest or activated within my mind towards a responsibility or task, but that I do have the ability and tools and understanding of how to assist and support myself to move-through and push-through and out of the resistance-energy and still ‘manage’ to do the responsibilities or tasks or things that I experience the resistance-energy towards within my mind. I remind myself that I have full responsibility and accountability for Who I am and What I do and How I respond to the resistance-energy as/if/when/that comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind towards a responsibility, task, thing or point for I see, realize and understand that in the moment the resistance-energy comes-up and manifests or activates within my mind towards a responsibility or task or thing or point or when I see and become aware that I am participating in it already – that in THAT moment I do have the ability to make a choice/decision of whether I will give-in to and participate in and stay and continue staying within the resistance-energy towards the responsibility or task or thing or point that came-up and manifested or activated within my mind OR if I will decide to utilize and apply the tools and understandings and corrective applications that I have and/or that I established for myself within the past to assist and support myself in that moment to move-through and push-through and out of the resistance-energy and still ‘manage’ to do my responsibilities, tasks, things or points that the resistance-energy came-up and manifested or activated towards within my mind. In that I take another in-breath and out-breath and with the out-breath I make the decision within myself to apply and utilize the tools, understandings and corrective-applications that I am aware and have established within my past to move-through and push-through and out of the resistance-energy and not allow myself to continue participating or giving in or staying within the resistance-energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and experience resistance-energy towards studying for school, especially technical subjects and math, because I have a fear deep down that it’s going to be so hard and that I will fail at it, meaning that I will not be able to grasp or understand anything that I will study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this massive fear deep within myself in my mind that studying for math or technical subjects is going to be so hard within the sense that it’s going to be a mental and energetic negative journey/process that is accompanied with all the possible negative emotional-experiences that one can think of and that at the end I will still fail at the study by not having grasped or understood or been able to integrate anything or very very little of what I studied, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I have been describing here has been my inner-experience of studying within and throughout my past that I project now into the future of studying; thus memories of past moments of studying for school or for something that I ‘have-to’ or am feeling ‘forced-to’ study where I have been experiencing the moments and process of studying as an negative mental journey/process where I experienced lots of different and intense negative-emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have developed/created an emotional-trauma within my mind towards studying due to all the times within my past where I experienced the process/point of studying for school or something that I was obliged to study for in-order to pass as a struggle due to experiencing it as an negative mental process where I had and experienced a lot of different and intense and unpleasant and wearing-down negative emotional-experiences.

Thus, I see, realize and understand that I have to investigate and clear the reactions I have within and towards the memories of the past of studying for school or something that I was obliged to do and stop/change the connections/definitions and judgements I formed due to that towards studying that I experience still to the present moment.

In that, I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application investigate and forgive and find solutions for the memories within my mind of past moments and times where I was studying for school or something that I felt obliged to do and where I experienced the study-process in an emotionally-negative way that I experienced myself as struggling in and to through doing so assist and support myself to change my relationship to studying and integrating new information to no longer be of resistance and/or fear or trauma or in anyway with negative emotions or positive feelings of a Self-Emotion/Feeling-Information Relationship, where I as Self approach information first through negative emotions or positive feelings where the Negative Emotions or Positive Feelings have a direct-relationship to the information and I only interact with the information through my emotions or feelings instead of Directly as My-Self interacting with the Information without Negative Emotions or Positive Feelings being or acting as this intermediate-medium THROUGH-WHICH I interact with (new) information, but simply a direct-relationship to new information – a SELF-INFORMATION Relationship instead of a SELF-EMOTION/FEELING-INFORMATION Relationship, where I directly approach and interact with (new) information as My-Self and integrate it directly instead of approaching and interacting with (new) information through negative emotions or positive feelings within my mind and then attach these negative emotions and/or positive feelings to the information I interact with, which is going to compromise my integration and remembrance/recall abilities of that information I ‘wish’ to integrate.

I commit myself to actively dedicate and put in the required time and effort to change and optimize my relationship to studying and the integration of (new) information to my potential utmost through any and all tools available to me and constantly see if I can find new ways or methods to assist and support with that as well, for I see and understand that by doing so I am actually investing time and effort into MYSELF, for expanding and optimizing my information integration and recall abilities through changing and optimizing my relationship to studying and integrating new information is going to be of highest assistance and support for myself and my life and this world system; thus I see and realize it’s in fact an absolute Investment in MYSELF and MY FUTURE and making My Experience and Life here on Earth and in this World-System better/”positively’ optimized’ and so I am gladly to do and walk and dedicate all the necessary time and effort required for this for MYSELF.

I will continue with this point within posts to come, targeting the memories mentioned here in this writing. Thank you very much for reading!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Fear of Failure and Making Mistakes

Postby Dilan » 03 May 2014, 19:03

Day 560 Fear of Failure and Making Mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel anxious then not want to write or do my self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself within the state of anxiety when/as I experience anxiety and within being in that state of anxiety don’t ‘feel up to’ do anything in relation to further facing myself within and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I actually have a fear/anxiety of facing myself, facing my mind and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and exist within fear and anxiety of/towards facing myself as facing my mind and the process and point of self-change itself, because whenever I see an opportunity to do something, like to write about something/a point then this fear and anxiety starts coming up within my mind – and I see and realize that this anxiety that starts coming up in that moment/such moments is coming from me going into a point of fear of failure and fear of making mistakes of/towards that particular point/thing that I planned or wanted to do but then the anxiety started coming within my mind towards it.


I see, realize and understand that I am sabotaging and manipulating myself through me accepting and allowing myself to give-into anxiety and fear of failure and making mistakes and stop myself from taking the next step of actually doing what I planned or wanted to do when and as the fear of failure and making mistakes comes up towards that point/thing that I planned or wanted to do, and together with the energy of anxiety that starts building and manifesting within my mind in relation to that fear of failing and making mistakes – I am sabotaging my own opportunity and potential to expand myself within myself and actually change myself in relation to a point within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own moment/moments of opportunity and potential of discovering something new within myself and/or expanding myself within myself in relation to a point and/or actually changing myself in relation to a point within myself and my mind and my living – through accepting and allowing myself to give-in to the anxiety and the fear of failure and making mistakes that comes up and exist within my mind towards whatever I do or want to do or plan to do, especially if that thing I want or plan to do is something that within my mind I see as ‘quite a big task/point’ – instead of pushing through that initial anxiety and fear of failure and making mistakes and breathe and move myself in physical time as the clock/beat of breath to through doing so assist and support myself to move in real physical time to walk the process of doing/living that thing/point that I planned or wanted to do in real physical space-time movement and not within my mind rush with this point in quantum time through rushing through various energies within my mind.

I see, realize and understand that this fear of failing and fear of making mistakes that comes up within mind towards any new challenge or point within my process or life – is something that is and has been always present within myself and that now finally I have become aware of it to the extent of actually seeing it for what it is and what it’s doing to me as in what consequences it has unto me and who I am and how I walk my process and live my life – and thus see and realize that I require to investigate these two fears more.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application assist and support myself to further investigate the fear of failing and the fear of making mistakes that I have/exist in within my mind towards new challenges/points/things and to release myself from these and establish effective self-corrective applications to apply to aid in the process of changing myself as and in relation to these fears within my mind, so that they no longer have directive power and influence over me but that I can direct myself within and through and As these fears if/when/as they ever come up again within my mind towards new challenges/points/things.




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