Carrie's Journey To Life

Place your Blogs Here
User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 06 Sep 2014, 05:01

Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... nt-in.html

When I began walking my process a few years ago, my starting point was that I did not have a choice - I saw that I must start writing and must start saying self-forgiveness -- or else. I see that I have participated in a fear that I won't exist after death and participated in the fear that in one moment, I will be gone forever. So, in my mind I see that I have been allowing this hope, faith, and belief that somehow (and I'm not exactly sure how) this process of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment, taking responsibility, and creating myself as life will save me from the fate of being gone for eternity.

I remember being angry that I had to do this and I placed blame on the others that had walked this process before me and said, "Who are THEY to decide what will be become of me?" As if, those that have gone before me were the new Gods or gatekeepers of after death existence and would be deciding whether or not I would be allowed to continue depending on my ability to no longer be The Mind, to take responsibility for myself, others, and all that is here, and to place myself in a role that would assist with bringing about a world that is best.

Currently, I sometimes find that I have also gone into the fear of not making process because I see that I have been fearing not knowing what will be become of me if I don't get this in the one life that I have. Now, what I see comes up the most often from this fearing is comparison where I have been comparing others processes to my own - what I am doing, what they are doing, what I am not doing, and what they are not doing. I have said to myself, "Well, if that's as far as they have come, then I am good," or, "oh no, they are pulling ahead of me ... I'm falling behind ..." I realize that belief I've had about my process is the same belief that I have participated in in-regards to my external world where I have seen life as a competition (and not in a cool way) where I am either the winner or the loser, survival of the fittest, and everyone is replaceable. It is the same judgments that I have repeated over-and-over-again where I see myself as either good/bad/right/wrong in my mind - and with these judgments I have participated in the same positive and negative energetic reactions depending on whether or not I have seen myself as doing something good or bad and right or wrong.

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things. Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that. In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing. I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself. I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now.

Even though my starting point was from fear and I used that point to limit myself to not make process a part of my everyday living, I realize that I can now let that fear go and move on to changing my starting point to a point of daily self-support where I'm no longer waiting for or relying on my external environment to force me to do the things that I must do in my process and instead commit myself to this lifelong process that I have decided for myself and move myself day-to-day and breath-to-breath to do it because the reality is that this process has already improved my quality of living greatly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that my decision to walk my process is not my choice.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no choice but to write, speak/write self-forgiveness, self-correct myself, and make self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine, believe, and hope that self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment and taking responsibility for myself and others will somehow save me from death or if that's not possible, at the very least, save me from not existing in the after-life.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see how it's me and myself as the mind that fears dying and not existing - not me as a physical being. And within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that it has been my mind walking my process and not me as a physical being. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to walk my process for me without question.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for me allowing my mind to walk my process for me and within this, for allowing myself to align myself and go into agreement with my mind in relation to process. I see that I have been making this mistake for the simple reason that it is easier and now that I see my mistake and I see that it is the same pattern that I have been repeating with other points in my process, I see that I can physically apply myself to change this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at those that have walked this process before me. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame them for my life changing in one moment - where, because of the information that was shared and with the honesty in which it was shared, I could no longer exist in a fantasy world and would now have to work on myself, sort myself out, stand up, and take responsibility for myself and the others immediately around me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand up from my initial shock in process and take responsibility for my own decision to start walking this process.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imagine and believe that others have the power to decide what will become of me after death. And because of this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place others as an authority of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind, replace one God with another - over-and-over-again in an attempt to place my hope, faith, belief, and trust in another to decide the best fate for me instead of trusting in myself to create my own destiny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my starting point with walking my process to be fear. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself as a response to that fear rather than moving myself because it's best for me, because I value myself, because I want to do this for myself and because I see potential in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't make process. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will become of me if I don't make process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, from a starting point of fear, compare my process to others' processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better or worse about myself depending on how I judge myself in relation to other's processes. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have positive or negative thoughts, behaviors, and energetic experiences depending on whether I see myself as 'in the clear' or 'falling behind'.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to tell myself that it is not my choice to walk process by when and as I see myself telling myself that my decision to walk process was not my choice, I stop and breath. I remind myself that I and I alone made this decision to walk THIS specific process as prior to finding this solution, I found no other way to sort through myself and make changes.

I commit myself to no longer allow the belief that I have no choice but to write/speak self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitment by when and as I see myself considering this belief, I stop and breath. I realize that I have separated myself from my choice when I have automatically made that choice something that's being forced on me from an outside source. I remind myself that I am the one that has given myself no choice but to do this process for myself and that me choosing this for myself was actually quite a cool thing for me to do for myself. So, within this, I commit myself to no longer use my choice to participate in process as a point of separation and instead see this decision to write/speak self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitment as a point of self-trust.

I commit myself to no longer allow my mind to walk my process for me and I commit myself apply myself in my process with daily physical movement. And when and as I see myself not physically applying myself within my process in a day, I stop and breath. I question my starting point for not moving myself to support myself and I self-forgive and self-correct excuses, justifications, reasons, beliefs and resistances for why I have not moved myself.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to go into judgement when I make the mistake of allowing my mind to direct my process by reminding myself that I am creating a new way of doing things for myself and that this takes time to integrate - so instead of wasting that time on judgement, I simply continue on as per my self-commitment and continue to forge ahead within my process.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to become, suppress, and/or direct blame and anger at anyone outside of myself for my 'life' changing in one moment. When and as I see the blame and anger coming up in-relation to my participation in process, I stop and breath. I bring these points of blame and anger back to myself and see where I have not been communicating with myself, where I have been self-dishonest, and where I am not taking responsibility for my process. Within this, I remind myself that I was the one that started asking questions about existence, I was the one that started researching, and I was the one that found the answers to my questions - there was no force outside of myself that pushed me to do this.

Within this agreement with myself, I commit myself to stand up from my initial shock in process, let it go, put my big girl boots on and move on.

I commit myself to removing my imaginations and beliefs about death, the afterlife, and what will become of me when my physical body dies. And within this process, I commit myself to removing my imaginations about a being - here or in the hereafter - that has the authority to determine who/what/where I will be and when and as this imagination comes up, I stop and breath. I remind myself that I am the one that decides who/what/where I am here and within the principle of 'as above, so below', I will be the one to decide who/what/where I am in the hereafter. I commit myself to take back my authority and show myself that I can be trusted to make these decisions for myself by physically applying myself to do what is required to be done in my process.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself in process to others in their processes in an energetic way by when and as I see that I am comparing myself in process to where others are in their processes, I stop and breath. Instead of going into judgement, I observe others processes and look for points that I can apply to my own process or where I can potentially support another within their process when seeing a point that I have walked.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 06 Sep 2014, 10:32

Awesome Carrie!



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 14 Sep 2014, 01:00

Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... nt-in.html

"Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things. Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that. In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing. I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself. I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now." From Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed reoccurring thoughts of 'being forced to do things' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create experiences of 'being forced to do things' for myself from me wanting to believe that my thoughts about 'being forced to do things' is real and true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my belief and idea that I am 'being forced to do something' despite that I'm not seeing that the idea and belief holds up in physical reality - no one outside of me is physically forcing me to work, clean, take care of my responsibilities and commitments or forcing me to walk my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that because I don't want to let go of the belief and idea that I'm 'being forced to do things' that I will actually create for myself the experience of 'being forced', force myself to do things, and then attempt to project this behavior onto something or someone in my external environment as to further solidify that my belief and ideas are are correct and that I am right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately overlook how I actually enjoy doing what I am doing throughout my day - I enjoy myself while I am working, cleaning, and building a foundation of trust with myself within taking care of my responsibilities and walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to self-sabotage myself within my process by not allowing myself to see how much I enjoy it - all because I wanted to hold onto to the desire to be right about myself having to be forced to do things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate where and why - in my history - did I create this idea and belief of myself as being forced to do things. And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the events in my past and my programming and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing how I have continued to allow my past to determine who I am now and my starting point within approaching physical commitments and process.

I forgive myself that I accepted 'being forced' into my physical fabric and I forgive myself that I have allowed this to be/become me well into a time when I actually did have a choice to change my programming.

I commit myself to no longer accept nor allow myself to believe 'being forced to do things' thoughts that come up by when and as the thoughts come up, I stop and breath. I do not go into the thought nor allow myself to look for reasons why the 'being forced to do things' thought is true or correct. Instead, I allow myself the opportunity to see the thought and self-forgive the memories and reactions that are coming up within me in relation to the thought.

I commit myself to seeing how my beliefs and ideas about me 'being forced' have limited me and self-sabotaged my process of growth and change throughout my history and from this seeing, I commit myself to no longer limit myself to being one that is 'being forced' and instead BEING A FORCE.

Force = Physical action or movement

I commit myself to living the word FORCE by being the physical action or movement within my process as well as my other commitments and responsibilities.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 14 Sep 2014, 08:38

Cool Carrie!
Force = Physical action or movement
In relation to the word 'force' I'd suggest to expand the definition to specifically include what force is, since physical action or movement could also describe other words, whereas force also has its specific characteristics.

I looked it up and force is defined as:
"In physics, a force is any influence which tends to change the motion of an object. In other words, a force can cause an object with mass to change its velocity, i.e., to accelerate" (wikipedia)
This is interesting in relation to the experienced of 'being forced' - because it is like when one feels forced, it is the same as feeling moved by someone/something else and/or that one's movement is changed by something/someone - fascinating.

When looking at the etymological definition of the word the following definition steps forth:
force (n.) Look up force at Dictionary.com
c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920. (source: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=force)
So force comes from the word strong and it could then be redefined as 'strong physical action or movement'.



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 15 Sep 2014, 15:36

Hey Anna. Thanks for the really cool feedback and thanks for expanding the definition of the word 'force'. As I have been applying my self-corrections and 'testing' the word, I have found that I've still got some reactions or undefined experiences within myself while living the word. And it's interesting because as I was looking up definitions for the word, I intentionally disregarded any meanings that I did not like or did not fit my desired result because at the time I wanted to be done with the point and move on to sorting out the other points that I'm walking.

What is funny to me (funny as in LOL) is to see my pattern of getting things only part-way done before moving right on to the next the thing that I want to get done and how I have manifested this in my physical environment - I mean, right now from where I am sitting in my living room and typing I can see 4 uncompleted projects and 6 more that I would like to do.

So, it's looking like I really need to slow myself down and be more thorough.



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 25 Sep 2014, 22:06

Day 191: Measurable Force
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... force.html

In reference to an earlier post, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, a friend suggested that I expand the definition of the word Force. Within the suggestion, she included an expanded dictionary definition, an etymological definition as well as a living definition that could be lived in a practical way without energetic charge. I have included the support here:
Force = Physical action or movement
In relation to the word 'force' I'd suggest to expand the definition to specifically include what force is, since physical action or movement could also describe other words, whereas force also has its specific characteristics.
I looked it up and force is defined as:
"In physics, a force is any influence which tends to change the motion of an object. In other words, a force can cause an object with mass to change its velocity, i.e., to accelerate" (wikipedia)
This is interesting in relation to the experienced of 'being forced' - because it is like when one feels forced, it is the same as feeling moved by someone/something else and/or that one's movement is changed by something/someone - fascinating.

When looking at the etymological definition of the word the following definition steps forth:

force (n.) Look up force at Dictionary.com
c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920. (source: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=force)
So force comes from the word strong and it could then be redefined as 'strong physical action or movement'.
I found this support really cool because it assisted me to see a couple of points.

First, that I was rushing through redefining Force into a living word because I wanted to get on to some other points that I have been walking outside of my blog. And this is a pattern that I keep playing out - not only in my writings but also in my immediate physical environment where I can see several projects that I have started and have not finished - even though I have the all the materials and tools required to do so. Within this, I have come to see that having several things going at once is not 'bad' and it's not necessary for me to go into self-judgment on it. I have also found that I am quite cool with myself physically moving from project to project as long as I am making progress and seeing change. The key, however, is making sure that my movement is balanced where I give my personal process, my home projects, my work, and other commitments equal attention. So, if I find that I am intentionally avoiding doing something, I stop and take a look at why I am avoiding it. Which brings me to the second point:

Prior to my friend pointing out that there were other expanded meanings of the word Force, I was already aware of the other meanings and definitions. However, as I was researching definitions, I intentionally ignored and disregarded any definitions that contained words that I experienced an internal physical movement/uncomfortableness or reaction to when seeing or reading them.

For the next part of this blog, I will be directing the point of my rushing through things because of my relationship to time and my sense of urgency when it comes to my process and getting things done. And in the blog to follow, I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process. I will also be working with my friend's suggested living definition of the word Force as being a 'strong physical action or movement'.


So with my rushing, I have found that I have had some beliefs. One is that I have limited amount of time in which to get things done - which is true in some regards but not always the case. Another belief is that I will have a better of experience of myself once I get things done - like, the sooner I get something done the better I will feel, the more I can relax and do what I want - you know, the 'light at the end of the tunnel' sort of mindset.

A biggie for me as well is how easy I have been distracted and how I have acted impulsive while in that distraction - not considering time and responsibilities in that moment nor the consequences of not considering either. Also, while I have been in distraction, I have had the tendency to place all of my being into it where I have had the belief that if I do this - that if I give something my ALL - that I will have a certain desired outcome. Which, obviously rarely happens so, disappointed, frustrated and/or bored, I have put that task aside for 'another day' and then move on, again, to whatever distraction or task suits my desire to feel better, entertained and/or most productive in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that I have a limited amount of time to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a better experience of myself once I get thing done and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things that I am working on because in my mind, I see myself as being able to to relax and do whatever I want after - which I have connected a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling to.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling and experience to the idea of relaxing and imaginations of doing what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a 'light at the end of the tunnel' mindset where I believe that if I can get through the tedious, the time consuming, the labor, and/or the boring stuff that something good, gratifying, and/or fulfilling will be there for me when I 'get through it'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted while working on things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse when I become distracted and physically move myself to change what I am doing without considering time and responsibilities in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of me going from one activity to another in any given moment - depending on what interests me most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all of my self into whatever I am doing to such an extent that I will not be aware of what's going on outside of me, time, and the other responsibilities that must be taken care of it within that day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'put my ALL' into something, that I will have a positive result - which in my mind is a desired result of perfection based on something that I have already seen in my external reality that I believe must be emulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become disappointed, frustrated, and/or bored with something that I'm working on if/when/as I have seen that what I am working on does not align with the idea of perfection that I have taken from somewhere in my external world and stored within me as a memory of 'the way it should be'.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away from what I am working on because I have become disappointed and/or frustrated with the work - from which, I go into my ego and tell myself I'm bored, a waste of my time, or something that I can work on later which I have accepted and allowed as a reasonable excuse or justification to walk away from what I am working on in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing what I have allotted time to do because I either fear that it's not going to come out the way I would like it, because I am not being entertained, or because what I am doing requires a lot of physical application. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what I am doing and go off to do whatever interests me, entertains me, and/or suits me best as my mind in any given moment.

So, bringing the point back to Force. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an Immeasurable Force - where the strength of my actions - what I put the strength of my mind focus, my physical time, and my inner beingness into completing - is not measurable and not countable because I am busy rushing through things and/or not seeing my work through to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to believe that I have a limited amount of time to get things done and I commit myself to no longer allow myself to limit myself with the excuse of time by when and as I see me telling myself how my time is limited, I stop and breath. Realistically, I see that yes, I only have a certain amount of time with my days to get things done and yes, I have many responsibilities and points to direct within a day - however, I remind myself that this is not an excuse to go into giving up and distracting myself myself within whatever looks entertaining or most productive at the moment. And so, I commit myself to stay on task - or return to that task after something has come up - within the time I have allotted to that task and to not let myself be distracted because of a positive or negative experience that I may be having as I work on what's required to be done.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be of the mind that there is a 'light at the end of the tunnel' by when and as I see that I am telling or showing myself that cool things that I get to do when I get my work done, I stop and breath. Firstly, I realize that there is actually rarely a light at the end of the tunnel - the path always leads back to the same place and is in-fact an illusion. Secondly, I question myself: why do I need something cool and fun to happen? Why do I need to be entertained? Why can't I simply be here with myself working on what I am working on? Why do I not like what I am doing or the way that I'm doing it? So, I commit myself to utilize the moments of working on things as a point of self-support to get to stop making the experiences into personal issues and to get to know myself.

I commit myself to unravel myself from my current relationships and experiences with Time by walking the point slowly and seeing myself through the fear, anger, irritation, and frustration with myself and then redefining my physical movement with Time.

I commit myself to STOP allowing myself to be distracted by when and as I see my attention wander away from what I have committed myself to doing to something that I'm seeing is more fun, more cool, or a better use of my time within the day, I stop and breath. I remind myself of my commitment to stay on task and if/when/as I see what is coming up as 'what I could be doing instead' and requires my attention, I write down the point for myself to direct for when I am done doing or the allotted time for the task is done. Obviously, within this, I allow myself to be aware and responsive to what's going on in my external environment and allow myself to be understanding and flexible in regards to the others around me and their physical and/or mental requirements throughout the day - I will continue to stand as a point of support.

I commit myself to stop attempting to recreate and emulate into my physical reality what I have allowed myself to see and store as a memory of 'perfection' from my mind's perspective by when and as I see myself telling or showing myself how something I'm doing 'should be' or is 'supposed to be' based on something I have seen or come to believe, I stop and breath. I do not allow myself to accept this excuse nor do I allow the experience to change me from focusing on what is required to be done nor do I allow this to limit me from doing something and within this doing something, doing it with my utmost potential. Within this, I commit myself to let go of any mind beliefs or ideas I have about what I am doing, say self-forgiveness as I work, and allow myself to express myself within and as what I am working on.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the thought, "I can do this later ..." to release me from what I am doing that is required to be done. And when and as I see that there is a task that can in-fact be done later or is best to be done later, I direct accordingly from a point of self-honesty practicality where I make a plan of when/how I will do something and commit myself to seeing that plan through.

I commit myself to always working on ways of placing my time and focus equally into the things.

And I commit myself to restructuring my time and my focus if/when/as I see myself NOT distributing my time and focus to what's required to be done.

I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from what I am doing.

I commit myself to being a Measurable Force where the product of my strong physical movement and action - that which I see through to an utmost potential - can be seen, counted, and measured.



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 30 Sep 2014, 18:52

Day 192: The Lego Movie - An Example of Leadership for Kids and Adults
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... le-of.html

My son and I like Legos - we like building stuff with Legos and we also very much enjoy playing the Lego video games together. A few weeks ago, we cuddled up on the couch and watched The Lego Movie and we had a great time as we both found that the movie was quite interactive. While he was getting into acting out the scenes with the multitude of Lego characters that we had previously played with in our Lego games, I got into some cool perspectives that were shared in the story such as the consequences of accepting authority without question, the power of being free of preconceived ideas, how one does not have to be unique or special to make a difference, and how each of us can learn from each others individual strengths and weaknesses. However, what made the Lego Movie a stand-out story for me was that it showed a great example of leadership. Which, as a parent watching a kid's movie, was kind of like a 'halleluiah' moment because most movies for children begin with tragedy, continue on with relationships and conflict within the relationships and then end with some sort of happily ever after.

This movie was fun and interesting. The main character, Emmet, a normal Lego guy, teams up with a group of extraordinary builders and Lego game characters. My son and I got some laughs as we watched the brooding Batman character as he attempted to be all moody and dark and we had a 'WHOA! COOL!' moment when the Star Wars characters were integrated into a scene. For sure, the movie creators didn't hold back on the character introduction and development - it was definitely an 'anything goes' kind of movie.

So being a normal kind of Lego guy, Emmet, like many people in the world, wakes up every morning, does his morning routine, goes to work, does what he's told, tries make friends, goes home for dinner and works on projects in his free time. Emmet's self-proclaimed strong point is that he is awesome at following plans. In one moment, Emmet's life changes from pattern and routine to awareness and purpose where he is told that he is 'The Special', the one, and an elite Master Builder - a part of a prophecy in which he will lead the way in freeing the Legos from the bad guy, Lord Business.

With this purpose, he comes together with a group of creative Master Builder Legos that refuse to follow plans and instead insist on expressing themselves in whatever way they like in any given moment. When they find out that Emmet has no particular creative ideas and that he's only followed plans, the Master Builders no longer value Emmet or believe that he is 'The Special' and continue on with their random building and not getting anywhere. This is where Emmet, who sees everyone's potential, including his own, puts together a plan that utilizes each Lego's ability and individual creative talent and then he uses common sense and practicality to show them how it could work and within this group effort, realize their objective of saving their existence. Though there were mistakes along the way and things didn't go exactly as planned, they pushed forward until eventually coming to an agreement with Lord Business and thus ending the conflict.

To me, this was a really cool example of leadership that aligns with how we're becoming leaders within the Desteni I Process where leadership is no longer a position of authoritative power over others and instead a creative process of seeing and utilizing our individual potential, learning from each other, challenging each other, looking at innovative ways of doing things, and seeing plans through within our collective agreement of principles and purpose.



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 02 Oct 2014, 00:29

Day 193: Why Do I Give Into My Resistance To Learning?
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... to-my.html

In this blog I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process.

For context, see: Day 191: Measurable Force
Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2
and Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1

To expand on the point I have been facing with the redefinition process, I will share that this has been the part of my process that I have struggled with the most. In the beginning, when I was first learning about redefinition, I had not wanted to do it and I didn't see the relevance. After I had gotten through my first redefinition process I was so relieved that it was done and I did not want to go back to it. However, over time, I have seen more and more how this redefinition process is the way in which I am moving - that, as I let go of who/what I am that I in-turn must then define for myself who/what I will be. Also, I no longer wish for myself to be influenced or changed by words that I'm seeing or hearing and would for myself, like to decide on using and being words that are free from polarity, clear within the meaning, realistic, and livable.

In relation to learning, throughout my history I see that I have gone into resistance when I am learning new things and within this resistance, I have become impatient, frustrated, irritated, and angry because to me learning should not be as hard as I experience it as being. Additionally, because I have been able to learn with ease in the past depending on how material is presented or who is presenting it, I have often blamed others for me not getting something. And unfortunately here from this point of righteousness, I have acted out impulsively, aggressively and disrespectfully. Looking back, I see that I have been participating in this pattern since I was in 5th grade.

And recently, a friend assisted me to see how I attempt to control my learning process where I am aware of the quickest way for me to learn so I refuse to learn in any other way and within this I have become demanding and expecting things to go my way - as if an entire curriculum should be changed so that I do not have to work as hard. Which is what it comes down to: I have not wanted to apply myself to do the work because it requires that I slow myself down, sit still, focus, learn from others how to do certain things, and then be with myself as I do all of this.

So my questions to myself have been: what is it that is behind all of this being uncomfortable with myself and others when I am learning something new? Why do I feel the need to control the situation? Why can't I just simply let go and embrace this opportunity to redefine myself? Why do I continually separate myself from this?

As I have investigated the point with EQAFE interviews , getting perspectives from friends and taking a look at how I am while redefining and working on other things that are new to me, I see that my uncomfortableness, my need to control, my separation from learning, my reactions, and my resistance to applying new things are from a starting point of fear. Fear of making mistakes, getting it wrong, not being right and not being perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the process of redefining words and myself as words. And within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I go into the same resistance when and as I am learning and applying new things.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relevance of the redefinition process and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into not wanting to see the relevance.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself about the importance of redefining words and myself as living words and I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that redefining myself and myself as words is the direction that I am moving within my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how the redefining process supports me to no longer be influenced by words that I hear and see, to no longer get stuck in polarity, and is a tool that I can utilize to align my self integrity, honor, and respect and thus better hold myself accountable to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient, frustrated, irritated, and angry when and as I am working with redefining words and I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have become the same when and as I have been learning and/or applying most other things that are new to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not 'getting it' when and as I have been been learning and/or applying something new and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this blame as an excuse, reason, or justification to not apply myself, to not try out different ways of learning, to give into resistance, and to walk away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that learning something new should be easy for me because in the past there have been things that I have had no problem learning, understanding, and applying. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories and also made-up ideas of myself being a 'fast learner' when in reality, the times that I have learned something 'fast' have been few and far between.

I commit myself to stop resisting the process of redefining words and myself as living words by when and as the I see myself becoming frustrated, impatient, irritated, and/or angry with myself and others, I stop and breath. I allow myself to see how I have allowed this pattern to influence my learning process throughout my history, I forgive my reactions that are coming up, I let go, and I embrace the opportunity to work with and redefine my words and myself as living words.

As an additional point of support within my commitment to stop resisting redefining words and learning in general, I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from physical discomfort where I will - when and as become physically uncomfortable while in the process of redefining, learning, and/or doing something in a new way, I stop, breath, and allow myself to remain within the discomfort - with myself as my physical body. Instead of going into my mind for escape and comfort, I practice staying here and taking responsibility for the consequences that I have accepted and allowed - the very same consequences that are the cause of my physical discomfort - with speaking self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop using projected blame as an excuse, reason, and/or justification for me to give into my resistance to redefining words, learning, and/or doing things in new ways and commit myself to bring these points of blame in relation to redefining words, learning, and/or doing things in new ways back to myself so that I can change my mistakes and do for myself what I am expecting others to do.

I commit myself to let go of my self-definitions and self-beliefs about myself as I see that I have held onto these for the purpose to make myself feel better and that within this, I have not changed nor moved and have become stagnant.



Marlen
Posts: 4092
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
Contact:

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Marlen » 02 Oct 2014, 19:30

Cool self investigation, Carrie and I can relate to that redefinition that at times could be experienced as a puzzling thing. However what is fascinating to see is how within us 'automating words' we tend to miss out how one is going to practically Live the word and make it one's own expression, instead of defining it as a 'system out there' based on ideals or platforms that one would usually define in an 'external manner' instead of making of one word an expression of oneself.

So, definitely whenever we think we're 'done' with something, that's a cool point to challenge and deliberately repeat it until one no longer holds a resistance to it in any way, but acknowledges the resistance, see how it is created and why - such as the fear to make mistakes or having to integrate new learning ways - recognizing the gift that implies, the opportunity for self expansion it represents and so, the inner conflict goes.

It's interesting that we tend to argue for our limitations meaning that we would rather create an experience for wanting to remain in our comfort zone/ known ways rather than taking the stand to venture oneself into an unexplored aspect of our reality and life, and in doing so, expand ourselves. This is definitely the kind of considerations required for this process, as it is all about directing ourselves to give one step further from our 'known territory/limits'

Thanks for sharing



User avatar
Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 08 Oct 2014, 23:40

Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... -ugly.html

Again, I am looking at the Word Force and this time adding an expanded dictionary definition as well as an etymological definition.

1. strength or energy as an attribute of physical action or movement.
"he was thrown backward by the force of the explosion"
synonyms:
strength, power, energy, might, effort, exertion;
antonyms:
weakness
PHYSICS
an influence tending to change the motion of a body or produce motion or stress in a stationary body. The magnitude of such an influence is often calculated by multiplying the mass of the body by its acceleration.
a person or thing regarded as exerting power or influence.
plural noun: forces
"he might still be a force for peace and unity"
synonyms:
agency, power, influence, instrument, vehicle, means
"a force for good"
used with a number as a measure of wind strength on the Beaufort scale.
"a force-nine gale"
2. coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence.
"they ruled by law and not by force"
synonyms:
coercion, compulsion, constraint, duress, oppression, harassment,intimidation, threats;
3. mental or moral strength or power.
"the force of popular opinion"
the state of being in effect or valid.
"the law came into force in January"
synonyms:
effective, in operation, operative, operational, in action, valid
"the law is now in force"
the powerful effect of something.
"the force of her writing is undiminished"
synonyms:
cogency, potency, weight, effectiveness, soundness, validity,strength, power, significance, influence, authority;
antonyms:
weakness
4. an organized body of military personnel or police.
"a soldier in a UN peacekeeping force"
synonyms:
body, body of people, group, outfit, party, team;
troops and weaponry.
plural noun: forces
"concealment from enemy forces"
a group of people brought together and organized for a particular activity.
"a sales force"
informal
a police department.
noun: the force
5. BASEBALL
a force-out.
a situation in which a force-out is possible.

verb
verb: force; 3rd person present: forces; past tense: forced; past participle: forced; gerund or present participle: forcing
1. make a way through or into by physical strength; break open by force.
"they broke into Fred's house and forced every cupboard door with ax or crowbar"
synonyms:
break open, burst open, knock down, smash down, kick in
"the door had to be forced"
drive or push into a specified position or state using physical strength or against resistance.
"she forced her feet into flat leather sandals"
synonyms:
propel, push, thrust, shove, drive, press, pump
"water was forced through a hole"
achieve or bring about (something) by coercion or effort.
"Sabine forced a smile"
push or strain (something) to the utmost.
"she knew if she forced it she would rip it"
artificially hasten the development or maturity of (a plant).
synonyms:
extract, elicit, exact, extort, wrest, wring, drag, screw, squeeze
"they forced a confession out of the kids"
2. make (someone) do something against their will.
"she was forced into early retirement"
synonyms:
compel, coerce, make, constrain, oblige, impel, drive, pressurize,pressure, press, push, press-gang, bully, dragoon, bludgeon;
rape (a woman).
BASEBALL
put out (a runner), or cause (a runner) to be put out, at the base to which they are advancing when they are forced to run on a batted ball.
"I was forced at second base as the first half of a double play"
(in cards) make a play or bid that compels another player to make (a particular response); make a play or bid that compels (another player) to make such a response.
"East could force declarer to ruff another spade"
Origin
Middle English: from Old French force (noun), forcer (verb), based on Latin fortis ‘strong.’

Etymological Dictionary Definition
force (n.)
c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920.
force (v.)
c.1300, from Old French forcier "conquer by violence," from force (see force (n.)). Its earliest sense in English was "to ravish" (a woman); sense of "to compel, oblige" to do something is from c.1400. Related: Forced; forcing.


As I wrote out in a previous blog, I have been living the Word Force as though there has been a stronger power than me, outside of me, making me do things regardless of whether I want to do them or not. With the process of writing and self-forgiveness in regards to Force, I have realized that there is no force outside of myself that is making me do anything. I mean, even if someone was holding a gun to my head in an attempt to force me, in the end, it would still be my decision of whether I would do something or not. And from a physics stand-point, someone or something can physically move me depending on the mass and strength of the force.

In reality though, there is no one individual or outside force that is physically motivating me to do anything and it's clear that the Word Force is a word that I have been living out in my mind and not in real physical time.

I am also adding that I have been seeing the Word Force as mostly as a negative word and when it comes up, I experience fear and then go right into resistance and avoidance. When looking at the definitions it is clear why because I have attached the word Force to things that I fear like: Rape, Violence, Physical Pain, Negative Military and Police Activities, Breaking, Coercion, and overall manifesting something into existence that is not best where there is no choice in matter. Another point that I would like to investigate is how, when I have said or thought about the Word Force, that I have had this strong physical presence that quickly rises within me like an in-breath where I have a body experience of becoming focused, solid, and determined in a way that pushes outward in to my external environment. And finally, I see that there aspects of the Word Force that I like or that give me a positive experience - specifically in-relation to Force as Strength where when I see Force in the light of Strength, I experience a happiness, a hopefulness, a sort of relief or a sense of momentary freedom from all the the negativity that I have attached to the Word Force.

So in the next post I will be going into writing self-forgiveness for what's coming up for thoughts, imaginations, beliefs, reactions, fears, and behaviors in relation to the Word Force. Followed by writing out my plan for self-correction and self-commitment within no longer allowing myself to be influenced or moved by this word as something outside of me or separate from me. Then, I will share my living definition of the word which is how I will be living out the word via my physical movement and self-directed action, equal and one with the word.




Return to “7 Years Journey to Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron