Carrie's Journey To Life

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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 27 Oct 2014, 18:08

Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... ution.html

In this blog I'm going into how I have been living the Word Force in response to my thoughts, imaginations, reactions and fears in relation to the Word and then taking responsibility and standing equal-to what I have blindly accepted as the meanings/definitions of the Word Force with self-forgiveness as to assist and support myself to no longer be influenced by the thoughts, imaginations, reactions, and fears that come up when or as I see, here, or speak the Word Force.

In a previous blog, I researched the dictionary and etymological definitions for the Word Force and found the good, the bad, and the ugly definitions and meanings that have been connected to Force and saw how I have allowed myself to be moved and changed by the Word Force depending on the situation, event, and/or context in which the word has been used and the energetic reaction - either positive, neutral, or negative - that I have connected to the specific situation, event, and/or context via actual, observed, shared and/or imagined experiences in the past.

So here I will begin self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitment for how I am currently living the word Force in a NEGATIVE way. I will be using my writings in the previous blog, Day 194: The Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly as reference for this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Force is good, that Force is bad, and that Force is downright ugly, depending on the situation in which Force is used.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself that, in regards to Force, and all of the definitions and meanings that are attached to it, that I haven't experienced the word negatively unless it impacts me specifically in a negative way somehow - by going against my ideas, my beliefs, and my morality.

And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I have a negative experience with the word Force, to separate myself from what I'm seeing and hearing, to judge, and then to justify my negative experiences as well as the negative experiences and situations with others and the external environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others can forced to do things that are not best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where military, police, and other groups with weapons have authority to exert force upon myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where individuals and groups are allowed to conquer other individuals and groups with violent force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, abused, and killed by force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Force within the context of being forced to do things that are not best, forced to do things that are against my will and within this, being stuck. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination where, in my mind I play-out memories and or scenes of myself and others being harmed and/or killed by military, police, rapists, conflict, wars, and all sorts of weapons including those of 'mass destruction'.

I forgive myself that, as a child, I had accepted and allowed Force as being forced to do things that aren't best and/or being forced to do things against my will. I realize that as a child I did not have any say in the matter and that I actually was physically forced to do things by persons of authority. However, when I was old enough to be on my own, I did not question this authority and did not allow myself the opportunity to set myself free from it. Further, I see where I have perpetuated this idea of Force by forcing myself, my will, and my authority onto others.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word Force as me exerting myself onto others to get a desired result. And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for how I have been living Force and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from how I am living Force instead of changing.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others can be forced to do things that aren't not best.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

And within this, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where military, police, and other psychotic individuals and groups have the authority to exert force upon myself and others. So thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, and killed by force.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to ignore, deny or separate myself from how Force is being lived out by myself, others, and this world in an abusive way. And I commit myself to educate myself and then to show others how force is being lived out in an unacceptable way.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow any psychopaths - those that deliberately exert abuse onto others for power and control - to have authority by committing myself to no longer allowing myself to separate myself from these beings, to understanding them, and to standing equal-to them. Here, I commit myself to take responsibility for the creation of these individuals and groups by seeing where and how they exist within and as me - as above, so below, as within, so without - and as I see them as me and me as them, I care for them as I would care for myself where I use the tools of self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment as well as using the structure of Problem, Solution, Reward.

When and as I see that I am going into fear or have gone into fear in regards to the real physical and real scary forces that exist within this world, I stop and I breath. I realize that when I have allowed fear of force, that this fear has moved and influenced me - and as this fear, I react and do not make decisions that are best because I am not seeing clearly. So seeing all of this, I realize that fear of force and being cautious of force are not the same - fear moves me and being cautious is a self-directed action of common sense. That being understood, I commit myself to longer allowing myself to go into and/or be moved by fear of force and I commit myself to be cautious with force.

When and as I see that I am considering using force in an unacceptable way by attempting to coerce, manipulate, threaten and/or exert my self/my will onto others and the external world as a means to see my desired result, I stop and I breath. I realize that I must take responsibility for myself before I can expect that others/the world, can take responsibility - and that as I have solutions that I can share solutions. So, I commit myself to test out ways of directing myself, others, and my external environment - from the starting point of caring and what is best - and allow myself to change my way of doing things. And within this, I commit myself to no longer using the illusion of authority, scare tactics using my physical presence and possessions, threatening, or any other harmful or abusive form of Force.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 01 Nov 2014, 05:34

Day 196: The Force of Good
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... -good.html

This blog is a continuation of my process of becoming equal-to and releasing myself from my accepted and allowed polarity definitions of the Word Force. In this blog I will be focusing on my positive energetic experiences - as how I have come to see and live the Word Force as being something good, positive, and enlightening. For the process walked thus far, refer to Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, Day 191: Measurable Force, Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, the Downright Ugly and Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive relationship to the Word Force in response to the negative relationships that have have created to the Word Force - where, I have not liked how I experience myself within the negative definition of Force so I have separated myself from the negative and gravitated to the positive definitions of Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate and/or move myself to the positive meanings of Force - such as strength, courage, and fortitude - words that have assisted me to feel better and empowered. All the while, the negative relationships that I have connected to the negative meanings and experiences with the Word Force - and denied as existing within and as me -have continued to accumulate, simmer, and fester.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with negative experiences in regards to the Word Force and thus react with fear, to suppress that fear with the thought, "I do not not fear forces -- I am a force - a strong and powerful force." I have attempted over-and-over again to change my negative thoughts to positive thoughts which hasn't worked. Instead, this practice only has automated my response to cover-up the negative thoughts with positive thoughts - never actually removing the negative thoughts. And in this case, it has been the same with my thoughts in-relation-to the Word Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as standing strong, proud, and invincible when I cast the positive light of force upon myself. In my mind I have seen myself as a super-hero, a force of good, what's right, and what's just with my hands on my hips, my neck stretched out, my chin pointed to the sky, and my super-hero cape bellowing behind me in the wind. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into happiness and hopefulness when and as I have imagined myself as this powerful person with strength and fortitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a power-trip when I've escaped into this fantasy of myself as being a superior, just, and righteous force of good. In this, I have participated with all sorts of thoughts, backchat, and imaginations of how much better than I am then others, how I am best, how I am right, how I am a helper, and how I am here to save, protect, and serve everyone. I have told myself that even though others may not like my decisions, in the end, they will be grateful for me, they will adore me, they will honor me, and they will respect me for being this force of good in their lives and in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself as my physical body to respond to the positive definitions and meanings of force - strength, courage, and fortitude - by rising up physically in response to the rising within me and pushing myself outward where as I have felt and experienced myself as solid, focused, and determined. I have actually physically uplifted myself.

I commit myself to no longer move myself toward the positive meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force as a response to any reactions that I am experiencing in regards to the negative meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force. When and as I see that I am reacting and/or moving when and as a meaning, definition, and/or negative experience comes up in regards to the Word Force, I stop and breath. I bring myself back to the point of Force that I have been faced with and have been reacting to and I speak self-forgiveness and apply the necessary self-correction and self-commitment.

I commit myself to no longer automatically allow myself to gravitate to thinking, imagining myself, and/or being a force of good - righteous, just, and superior - by when and as I see that I am going into thinking, imagining, and submerging myself into my ego, I stop and breath myself back to here. I go back and investigate the fear and judgments that I am attempting to escape/hide from - the wrongness, the unjust, and the inferiority - I self-forgive the points and realign myself to self-correction and self-commitment.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 05 Dec 2014, 23:30

Day 197: My Way
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... y-way.html

A point that has repeatedly resurfaced for me throughout time has been me seeing that things must be done 'my way'. I have seen myself going into this mindset with my children, my other family members, my partnership with my husband, my friends, my career, how I have lived leadership roles, how I work in the system, my education process, and day-to-day living like paying bills and how the house is cleaned. In my mind, in order for things to be perfect, these things must be done 'just so'.

When I have seen reality - when I have seen that I cannot make others do things my way - I have attempted to give up on others, myself, my ideas, my beliefs, and my known way of doing things. However, because my ideas and beliefs about what's best have still existed within me as memories, experiences, and physical ways of doing things that 'work' for me over time, I have never really ever been able give up my ideas, beliefs and ways of doing things - nor have I ever been able to give up on myself and others.

I realize that this giving up never lasts which indicates to me that it's an energetic experience which is not real and then on the other-hand, this having to do things 'my way' is quite real because it is my pre-programming, I have accepted the imprinting of others' words and behaviors, and I have also allowed it to become a part of me because of my utilization of my pre-programming, my participation with the illusions I've created in my mind, and my acting out what I have seen in others when they have gotten things done 'their way'.

As I look at the point, I see that this point exists within all of us - our need for our beliefs to be right and our desire to have our ideas be perfect. So, perhaps I'm not only facing a personal or a interpersonal problem but also an existential predicament.

Because we are physically and mentally separate from each other, we have the tendency to make ourselves the center of existence - we alone live and breath with ourselves day-after-day-after-day. We may share ourselves and our physical space with others but when it comes down to it, we always only have ourselves within and as us. Pair that isolation with a mind that records our personal experiences, functions in a constant state of self-preservation and survival, and maintains it's existence by utilizing that energy generated when one gets one own way or not, and our ability to see, be aware of and consider others, beliefs, ideas, and ways of doing things is impaired.

Further, when another challenges, opposes, or is not in agreement with our beliefs, ideas, and ways of doing things, we can become quite nasty because these are points that we have defined ourselves by, have been living out, and see as who we are - and who we are is what we choose in our own way - and in that respect, is perfect. And being Perfect As You Are is just another idea that's thickly layered on and around our existing ideas and beliefs to keep them and ourselves in place.

Another dimension I have seen is having to do with insecurity. I recently listened to a discussion entitled Insecurity: Going Deeper: Introduction - Atlanteans – Part 248 on Eqafe which assisted me to see where and why I created this fear of being wrong or doing something wrong and how my insecurity has been triggered when I have been faced with something where there is a potential for me to mess it up or to get in trouble somehow.

And today, I listened to Everything Must Be Just So - Life Review which opened my eyes up to how I have been attempting to control others and how things go as to avoid insecurity and avoid going into something that is unpredictable, is outside of my comfort zone, is challenging, looks overwhelming or may change something in some way.

Which brings me to the fear of the unknown - the things I don't understand, the things I can not predict the outcome of, and the things that I simply have not known what to do with because I have not familiarized myself with these things and haven't known what to do with or about them. This is where I have had the tendency to react and to handle these unpredictable things with emotions.

Being emotional hasn't improved my situation much - and even if I did somehow manage get out of not facing a point that I'm not comfortable with by having a tempter tantrum, convincing myself and others that I'm not capable of dealing with the thing, or going into doing these things 'my way', I have not challenged myself to be able to handle whatever life brings and so I have not allowed myself to accept and participate with life.

After investigating all of this, I see that the solution is to breath and not react - and perfect this. I also see that it's an absolute must to participate with life by understanding, problem-solving, and directing the things that are new, unfamiliar, or seemingly beyond my ability to control.

More to come.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 18 Dec 2014, 05:40

Day 198: Living and Being A Part of Life
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... -life.html

I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to see and be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my mind created this belief, idea and fantasy that life is this wonderful, beautiful, and peaceful kind of existence that is currently separate from me and is 'somewhere out there' waiting for me to become good enough or to achieve something special in order to see and be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I cannot see nor can I have access to life. And within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it has actually been my decision to not see, have access to, and be a part of life because I have chosen my mind life over real physical life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that life is here and that in order to see life that I must take the time to look, research, investigate, and self-educate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be and live life because I have been physically uncomfortable with life, I have feared the unpredictability of life, I rarely find joy in life, and I generally have not liked life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and live life as a series of unpredictable negative, positive, and/or neutral experiences, events, and things that are coming at me from outside of me - where I have wanted no part of the things that I have seen as negative and have been mostly cool with anything positive or neutral.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to live life and be a part of the things in life that I have defined as positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried to ignore life when and as I see or experience something in life that I have defined as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted to remove myself from life when I have seen or experienced life as negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand what Here is - and to not understand what directing self here in breath actually entails. And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that being here and being an active participant with life and directing myself according to what is best for myself and others - no matter what comes up - is living.

I commit myself to see life and participate with life.

I commit myself to always remind myself that life is not something separate from me 'somewhere out there' and I commit myself to stop seeing, living out, and having a relationship with life in my mind.

When as I see that I am believing the idea that I cannot have access to life or that I am telling myself that I cannot have access to life unless something happens or I become something else that I currently do not see that I am, I stop and I breath. I realize that I am not locked out life and that life is already here and around me. I realize that to become life, I must participate with life, learn from life, and see myself as / become equal-to life.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself with ideas and beliefs that I've manufactured in my mind about life and myself becoming life by allowing myself to let go of my preconceived ideas and beliefs about what life is and opening myself up to see life, be apart of life, and learn about life.

When and as I see that I have become physically uncomfortable with life - what's happening in my life and what's happening globally with life, I stop and I breath. I realize that me being uncomfortable is me simply not having any previous experience with what's going on and instead of going into resistance or ignoring what I don't understand, I direct myself to investigate and understand.

I commit myself to see the gift in situations or moments where I experience being uncomfortable and utilize this as a flagpoint for something to research, investigate, and understand. Within this, I commit myself to specifically see and understand how these points are in-fact a part of me and so bring these points back to myself.

I commit myself to no longer gravitate to the positive and ignore the negative - this includes any preconceived ideas and beliefs I have about life, what life is, and what life should be.

I commit myself to stand and be stable with and as life by understanding what I am facing and always looking for and testing out potential solutions.

When and as I see that I am wanting, desiring, thinking about, and/or wishing that I was never here and/or that I am no longer here, I stop and breath. I remind myself that choice is an illusion which is proven by the very fact that I did not choose to be here - however, I am here and I commit myself to create the best possible life for myself and others while I am here.

I commit myself to be a part of the process of removing the old - the world that no one should be born into - and being a part of realizing and making real a world where any one would want to be.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 26 Dec 2014, 15:20

Day 200: Responsibility Sets Me Free
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... -free.html

If there is one point that I am able to share with all of my fellow human beings, it is this:

You can take responsibility for everything.

People often come to me to express their problems. The majority of these problems are with their relationships - how the relationships are not working, all of the things that their partner's are doing wrong, how their partner won't change, and how disappointed, frustrated, and angry they are. Most of the time (if not always), I look for points where an individual can take responsibility for their creation of the problems and sometimes, when possible, I express these points. In general, I have found that when an individual's responsibility for the creation of their problems is expressed to them that they have a clear understanding of what's being said - they begin to breath, their body relaxes, they often smile, and I see what I can best describe as self-awareness and self-honesty in their facial features where they are freed from themselves for a moment.

For a moment. Until they say, "I know ... but ...", then attempt to go back into their problems again, they go back into the emotions, and they go back into imprisoning themselves in these individualized self-victimizing personality bubbles.

It's like there's this outright refusal to take responsibility and this refusal makes living impossible.

I don't know exactly why it is this way and I don't know why it seems like the universe has been set-up in such a way that that there are certain laws that we must honor in order to be okay in this existence - and, I really don't think the why here even matters at this point as much as the actual problems and solutions that can be seen right here and right now.

So here's the thing: I have come to realize that taking responsibility sets us free. I have looked for a way around this and I am here to say that it's impossible. You can't get out of this and to try will simply repeat the same sequence of events and patterns over-and-over-again and things will get worse and worse. You're going to have to take responsibility for everything - yourself, your personal relationships, and everything that exists on this planet that we share.

And you know, it's all the same - every problem that you have with others are the same problems that you have with yourself and the world. Every pattern that you repeat over-and-over again, every character that you play, and all of the beliefs that you refuse to let go of are just your way of trying to get a handle on your life and make it through this existence without ever changing any of it.

Do you want to have a cool relationship where you are free to realize your potential as individuals and together? Do you want a world where all are free from debt and enslavement? Do you want to be free from the constant thoughts and emotions that come up within you?

Stop waiting for someone to do this all for you. Take responsibility. Stop attempting to shut out the truth of yourself and allow yourself to get to know who and what you really are - who and what you have accepted and allowed yourself to become. Everything that exists here exists because it exists within and as us.

Don't believe me - test it out for yourself. My suggestion would be to take one point that is annoying you, scaring the heck out of you, something that makes you angry, or completely frustrated, whether it's Barack Obama being a pawn of some evil cabal, the militarization of the police, an alien invasion, or your partner leaving their dirty towel on the bathroom floor. Take that point and bring it back to yourself: When have I done a similar thing? Under what circumstances would I do the very same thing? Why do I allow this for myself and others? Why does this exist? Where does this exact same construct exist within me? Why am I blaming something outside of myself and expecting it to change when I have not changed it myself?

It's really that simple. It's not easy to actually do it but the process is simple.

I mean, if you understand the problem then you're going to look for solutions and when you've got a solid, practical solution that you commit yourself to and actually change yourself with, then you've taken responsibility, show others how to do the same, and stand as an example. It takes practice to move yourself from being an individual that is consumed by problems to an individual that is directing what comes up in life - but you can do this. Seriously, if I can do this, anyone can.

To make this process easier, I suggest starting with taking the free DIP Lite course. And if that works out for you, get into DIP Pro. You can also check out some cool blogs where it can be seen how others - everyday people like you and me who are taking responsibility for the creation of what exists in this world. Here's a few (of many) links to blogs you may find interesting and supportive:

Creation's Journey To Life (suggest to start at Day 1)
Crime's Journey To Life (also start at Day 1)
Earth's Journey To Life (also cool to start at Day 1. I utilize this site when I'm looking for perspective on specific points - here's the timeline)
Activists Journey To Life



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 06 Jan 2015, 06:26

Day 201: They and Them - Powerful and Wealthy Elite
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... l-and.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been using the words 'they' and 'them' in reference to an elite individual and/or a group of elite individuals that make decisions for this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to address individuals as 'they' and 'them' rather than using their given names, positions and/or professions in the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call the elite individuals who make the decisions 'they' and 'them' because I have not researched who exactly these elite people with power and money are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express 'they' and 'them' in such a way as to make it seem like these powerful elite individuals are the enemy of myself, my fellow human beings and the earth.

I forgive myself that I have labeled 'them' and 'they' that make the decisions as evil, demonic, satanic, criminals, and/or other words that I have defined as 'the worst of the worst kind of humans' - and within my doing this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate who these individuals are, their histories, how they came to be, what is important to them, what they do care for, and what is it about themselves that is driving them to think, speak, and act in ways that are not best for all.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to give myself the opportunity to get to know the powerful elite that are making the decisions - and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject the opportunity to get to know myself better through getting to know those who I have accepted and allowed to make decisions on my behalf.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those that make the decisions by naming the powerful elite 'they' and 'them' and 'those people'. I have seen them as being completely separate from me as if they are not human, do not have families or people they take care of, do not have their own minds to face, and do not have to live with the consequences of their decisions day in and day out.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed the individuals that I call 'them' and 'they' to be equal to myself and within this, I forgive myself that I have seen myself as either inferior or superior to these individuals that are currently making decisions for the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on these individuals that I refer to as 'they' and 'them' for the horrible state of this world. How can I place blame when I have allowed it from the beginning? How can I place blame when I have refused to stand up and take responsibility for myself, my fellow human beings, and this planet that we share? How can I place blame when I am self-honest about my nature (programmed and pre-programmed) and can see that I probably would have made the same exact decisions - the decisions that I have not liked and have not been comfortable with - if I were in 'their' shoes and had not been walking this process of self-integrity, self-respect, and understanding what it means to make a decision that all can live with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry at 'them' - so angry in-fact that I won't use their real names and/or use my anger as an excuse to not do the research.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought, "they are evil and not worth my time," to exist within and as me.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what horrific acts these individuals could inflict upon me if I were to find out something that I shouldn't know or were to actually be in communication in some way with these elite, super wealthy, and powerful individuals.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I have been seeing in the media and to fear that what I have been seeing could happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed what I have seen in the media - in regards to those in power that make the decisions - to feed my fear of death and within this, influence the decisions that I have made in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that those who are making decisions are just as fearful as I am because the starting point for desiring control is fear - the fear of the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that those who have money are either from a family that has done the work or they themselves have done the work required to place themselves and those they are responsible for in a position of financial security.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of these elite families and individuals who have had to do horrific acts of abuse and other crimes against humanity in order to ensure that their family, the future generations of their family and those that they are responsible for can have a life free of financial worries and all of the mental and emotional issues that come with not having money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the super powerful elite have been enslaved within/as/to the same system of money that I have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demand that 'they', the wealthy and super powerful criminals in this world be held accountable when I have not yet held myself accountable for the decisions I have made that have had serious and brutal negative consequences for others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically go into judgment of these individuals rather than looking at, dissecting, and stopping myself from going into my morality system, my beliefs, my emotional and feeling reactions, my thoughts, my imaginations, my projections and my reactions.

I realize that if I had looked at what I was seeing clearly with practicality, I would have instead seen a problem and began working on common sense solutions that could benefit all of us. And if I had taken responsibility for myself from the beginning, I would not have gone into blame and could have had the potential to have a say. Further, if I had not allowed myself to react emotionally, I would have had the confidence in myself to make the connections and build relationships with the people who are a part of the decision making process so that I could have participated and contributed to a process of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and then regret not waking up to my responsibility earlier and within this, using this as an excuse to self-sabotage myself and a reason to self-victimize myself which has as only kept me locked into this pattern of blame and anger that I have been working on releasing myself from.

I realize that I really didn't know better before walking my process with Desteni - in fact, there's a lot I hadn't put together until a few days ago. So within this realization, I commit myself to continue walking, investigating, making connections, and putting things together - and I allow myself to let go of how I have handled things in the past and allow myself to enjoy my self-discovery process.

I commit myself to investigate all things - which, at the moment, means to see what I've separated myself from, seeing how all exist within/as me, see how all these things and people have come into being.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from individuals or groups that are the wealthy and powerful elite that make decisions for this world.

Within this, I commit myself to stop blaming and being angry toward those that have been making decisions in the world by when and as I see that I am reacting, I stop and breath. I bring the points of blame and anger back to myself, allow myself to instead see my responsibility, see how I am the same and forgive myself.

I commit myself to stop creating enemies for myself to exert my anger onto. And in addition to taking responsibility for my anger with self-forgiveness and self-correction, I commit myself to push myself to go from problems to creative solutions to assist and support me with letting go of my self-anger and self-blame.

I commit myself to no longer going into inferiority or superiority when and as I see, am faced with, and/or am in the presence of those that have vast amounts of money and power by when and as I see that I am comparing myself to others, I stop and breath. I realize that this comparing leads to judgment, reactions, delusions and thoughts/communications/actions that are not best for anyone. So, instead of going into the mind-pattern, I allow myself to breath, be present, be clear of reactions, and able to respond.

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into imaginations and anticipation when in the presence of others to further assist and support me with my anxiety and fear of others by when and as I see that I am imagining or comparing what's going on or potential outcomes, I stop and breath. In the moment of interracting with others that trigger certain imaginations or anticipations, I make a note of it for myself to look at later, I do not go into it, and I let it go for the moment. I realize that I cannot control how things will go while I am interracting with others.

An additional solution that I see for myself is to utilize the moments when my imaginations, anticipations, anger and blame are triggered during my self-education process. Here, I commit myself to go to writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction.



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Carrie
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Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 29 Jan 2015, 23:57

Day 202: Beliefs About Good and Evil and My Loss of Morality
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... l-and.html

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the way the world functions is the opposite of how I have come to believe it functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positive thoughts and deeds - the good and the righteous - are rewarded in this world. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the negative thoughts and deeds - the bad and the evil - are punished.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that evil attracts what I have placed a lot of positive value in - like, money, control, power, and safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in things that create the worst possible consequences and have placed less value on things that create the best possible outcomes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put 1 and 1 together when I have heard that 'money is evil' and that 'like attracts like'.

On the same note, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in homeopathic terms with 'like cures like' and how money is attracted to evil - that the initial cure for evil is money - where all must be provided with money in order to begin the healing process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the depth of the meaning of these Words -> this world and the systems that exist here are a direct reflection of ourselves.

I have come to realize that this world, how it is set up, and the beliefs about what life is and what it should be are who we are. This is why we have not questioned it, why we have not taken responsibility for it, and why we have not changed it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not evil and that I am separate from evil and those that do evil in the world.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the key to me seeing that everything is the opposite of what I have believed it to has always been right here in the very Word Evil - which is Live spelled backwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in polarity between myself as my mind showing me the truth of myself as Evil and my beliefs supporting the idea that I have been Good.

I forgive myself that I have fragmented my mind in my pursuit to see only the good and righteousness in myself, others, and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Spiritual Personality where, within and as this personality, I attempt to live out my delusions of myself being good while seeing all others as bad or at fault. All the while, I have secretly known my actual nature and how I have been the one at fault - and I have feared this being seen or exposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as good when I do the good things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil when I do things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out my relationship with Good and Evil that I have created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there may be something for myself and this world beyond the confines of good and evil.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the potential to create and move on this because I have been entertained with this Good and Evil play-out and have found comfort in how it has gone unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my attempts to be Good, as per my accepted and allowed pre-definition of Good, has all been in separation. Where, I have only acted on self-interest within the belief that Being Good will make a positive impression on the things and people that I have seen as more powerful and/or the authority of myself - and that this Good Impression will result in positive rewards for me. Within this, I have imagined that I am appreciated, respected, and that I will receive Good Things In Return from my others and the external world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the negative polarity of 'fuck it', going head first into my Evil nature, and wanting do everything in my power to harm or create problems for others upon the realization that my whole life and my desire to do good by others has been a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not getting anywhere with them - for my efforts that have gone unseen, unnoticed, unappreciated and unrewarded. As if they did this to me, they are the Evil one, and they are the enemy.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this blame to fuel my already suppressed anger to the point where I am completely consumed by rage. And because I suffered from a loss of self when I lost my morality, I considered for a moment to embrace being evil and doing the things that the most evil people in this world do and benefiting from those actions - because no one cares about me so why should I care about them?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and go into guilt and remorse after the energy had disapated and I was able to see my starting point and the decisions I had made from that starting point of fear and anger.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to see that what I showed myself about myself was absolutely necessary for me to understand myself and my responsibility for why this world is in the state that it is in - and within this, what is required to be changed.



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Carrie
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Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 09 Feb 2015, 07:17

Day 203: Equalizing Stability
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... ility.html

Recently, I observed one individual threaten, bully, and attempt to diminish another. The one on the receiving end of this attack, saw that it was their responsibility to stand up, face, and speak out a response - apparently, it is a part of their culture to do so where if someone 'calls them out', it is expected that they answer the call.

I saw this action as being admirable and as something that we all could be developing for ourselves.

However, as the situation unfolded I saw that the one on the receiving end saw themselves as safe from their attacker - they have money and they have placed themselves into the system in such a way that they have become something like 'untouchable'. Which was a fascinating thing to witness - how one in an actual position of authority directs themselves when faced with conflict.

Unfortunately, the element that did not exist was understanding and care. See, because the responder had still taken it personally that they were being bullied, they reacted. And in this state of reaction, they began threatening with greater measure.

What I realized from this is that even though someone is in a position of authority, has standing, and seems to be doing great things in the world, does not make them an individual that will always handle others in a way that is best. To many, it may be an obvious point - for myself, I have had the tendency to look up to others that I have seen as having a strong presence, voice, and an unshakable belief of themselves - and within this ignoring or accepting the details and consequences of our individual actions and words.

I also see clearly how we are all the same in how we're dealing with things. How our family, our education, our culture, our positions of responsibility in the world and our individual experiences - regardless if these things are positive or negative - have not been changing how we systematically process and respond to each other and our external environment.

In this case, we see the same exact programming playing out of seeing others as separate from ourselves, seeing how they are in the wrong, seeing how they are doing something to us, seeing that we must defend ourselves, our honor, and our self-definitions and within this recreating the exact same war between us that we're working on stopping outside of us.

Don't you see? That until we stop this programming by becoming people that actually understand and care for ourselves and each other, that these battles and wars will continue to manifest? So, you can invest all your time, your energy and your money into stopping the evil that exists in this world but in the end, it will have been all for nothing and probably go right back to the way that it was because while we were focusing on stabilizing our external world, we did not see what was required to be stabilized in our inner and inter worlds.

A solution would be to stop ourselves from reacting which is easier to do when we direct ourselves to see with understanding rather than seeing something as personal. Further, it would be best in the long-run to take a look at our cultures and the beliefs that have been entrained into us about how we should or should not handle ourselves and others. Is it truly beneficial to hold onto these things when we see throughout time that it improves nothing? That there is always a winner and a loser? Somone with power and someone without? Do we want to continue repeating patterns when we realize that patterns produce the same results?

In closing, I propose that if we do in-fact dedicate ourselves to changing and creating stability in this world, that we utilize equal resources to changing and stabilizing ourselves and each other.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 15 Feb 2015, 07:01

Day 204: How I Become Hard and Uncaring
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... aring.html


This past week, I had the opportunity to communicate with someone that works in the entertainment industry and is very famous. The purpose of this discussion was to expose the dark side of this world and to show how celebrities are used, manipulated, abused and expected to participate in specific actions to ensure their success, their personal wealth, and for some, their survival and the survival of the people that they care about. For themselves, they said this was a healing process - that they were breaking the rules - though, for them it was worth it to communicate with the people outside of the world that they exist in as it reminded them of a time when they were normal and the process assisted them to re-align themselves with their humanity. They said that they were in a unique position of having a group of others around that protected them in a way.

For me, the things that I heard and was shown seem massive. Like, there are an innumerable amount of points to be sorted out and directed. However, I see how I drive myself when researching new connections and within this, how I do not slow down and support myself with my process through writing - so obviously, I am processing most of this information in my mind which is going to make it seem too big and time consuming to sort through.

More importantly though, I must be self-honest and share that I went into this with some judgments and insecurities. See, even though I was participating and reminding myself to be open to what was being said and to not make it personal, I saw all of these thoughts about myself running in the background - most (if not all) of which, I attempted to suppress with comforting words like, "This is not me coming through," or, "I am this way, not that that way," or "I am beyond seeing and experiencing myself like this ..."

I was lost in denial. So much in-fact that I was determined to show how the personal points that were coming up for me were not actually about me but about something else or something that someone was doing - who they are, how they got to who, what, and where they are, and how the system works.

I eventually had become angry from all of this and found that I was wanting for this famous individual to take responsibility for what they had done, participated in, and perpetuated. The consequence of my reactions, suppression, and projections is that my ability to hear and make a connection had been compromised. I stopped communicating fluidly, I physically felt hardened, and my words became short and sharp.

My head started to hurt which is a flag-point that I use to show myself that I am too much in my thoughts and that I am not getting anywhere by trying to process or sort through what's going on. For me, it's a reminder to stop participating with the thoughts until I am able to write. So, the thoughts would come up and I would say, "No. This is not getting me anywhere," and I then went about arranging myself some space and time to write in my personal journal as these were the points that kept coming up again and again and again - how I was taking this whole thing personal and attempting to pin it on someone or something else and trying to come up with words, phrases, quotes, beliefs, or self-definitions that would make it NOT about me.

I sat down with my journal and I wrote out every thought that was running rampant in mind. These are some things that I have not wanted to face - childhood experiences, my real beliefs about myself, and how I have always allowed these experiences and beliefs to place me in conflict with myself, confuse, influence, and change who/what I am in any given moment.

Later, when I returned to the discussion and reviewed what had been shared, I saw so many points that I had missed as I was in my thoughts and then reacting. I see that I was fortunate that the entire discussion has been documented on a public platform on the internet - if it had not been, and I had been face-to-face, I would have missed an opportunity to fully understand the presenter and what was being presented.

I also found that when I was no longer in my thoughts nor on the defense in my Ego, that I was able to be more gentle, genuine, and caring. So, points that I saw were important for me to make were well-received. From this, I see that I also must stop giving in to this idea that I have to get into places and shake people up which is something that I have been doing for a long time with the belief that it works when in reality it does not.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Carrie's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 16 Feb 2015, 06:45

Day 205: How I Become Hard and Uncaring - Self-Forgiveness
http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogsp ... aring.html

In this blog I'm writing self-forgiveness for points and realizations that came up about myself during an experience while in an experience of becoming hard and uncaring toward another that was sharing themselves as well as some possible relevant information about the dark side of the entertainment industry and the world -- Day 204: How I Became Hard and Uncaring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, in a moment of opportunity to educate myself, see and realize how I am making information look massive, innumerable, too big, or too time consuming to sort. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to process new information in my mind rather than writing out the points that I am seeing and/or are being presented.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable with and thus separate myself from what I am hearing and within this, allow myself to to go into my thoughts with my beliefs, judgments and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then, when I go into my thoughts with my beliefs, judgments, and insecurities, tell myself that the beliefs, judgments and insecurities coming up are Not Me or are not Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the fears, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, insecurities, and self-definitions that come up when I am working on something new and/or am in communication with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the emotions and feelings that come up when and as I have gone into reactions. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions and feelings by telling myself that I do not have time or that I will get to it later - instead of directing myself to make a note of it so that I can sort through what's coming up when I do have the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in denial - where, because when I have been in this denial of the truth of myself and trying to force myself to be someone that I'm not, I have gotten lost in not knowing who I really am or what I could be doing that is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fears, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, and insecurities onto others - as if they belong to someone else and not to me. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to separate myself from my fears, thoughts, beliefs, judgments and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to suppress thoughts like, "It's because of them that I am this way, " or, "It's because of them that the world is the way it is," instead of self-forgiving myself when and as these thoughts come up - regardless of whether or not I'm aware they are are bullshit - and take responsibility for them just the same.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself that when I am in my mind and in my thoughts, that I can not hear what's going on outside of me. And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being in my mind and my thoughts is the very same reason why I have not been able to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with another and demand in my mind that they must take responsibility for what they have done - rather than taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed, letting go of the anger, and allowing myself to see/hear what another is saying/writing/showing.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize anger as a means to keep myself separate from others and to not allow myself to get to know them, understand them, be gentle with them, and care for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what was shared and make it personal - and within this taking it personal and wanting it to stop, I went through words, phrases, quotes, beliefs, and self-definitions that I have stored as information and knowledge - not an expression of me, and attempted to express the knowledge and information as Being Who I Am. Here, I forgot that: when I have been making things personal, reacting, and going into my Ego, that it has been impossible to express myself in a fluid, genuine way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the time to write out my childhood history and experiences, my real beliefs about myself, my conflicts with myself and my confusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to beliefs that I must shake things up in the world - that I must agitate things - and within this take prompts from what I can come up with in my mind from past experiences, information, and knowledge and attempt to change things in that way. I realize that perhaps it works for some but it doesn't work for me. I also realize realize that I am attempting to be/live out someone else's expression instead of allowing and trusting myself to be/live out my own.




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