Jozsef's Journey to Life

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 17 May 2014, 11:55

Day 176
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... ardly.html
Self-correction about fear of not speaking and when doing, being awkward

[JTL 176] Correcting speaking awkwardly
Continuing with two point directly: fear of not speaking up, fear of speaking awkwardly.

At moments when I did not speak up but I wanted to - not even 'up' but just speak out what I had in my mind - so then I was damned to circle the thing in my mind for a long time - instead of directly saying how I see and sparing the turmoil and self-judgement of not speaking up.

Many angle was around here - fear of mistake, fear of not being able to express myself, fear of being judged, fear of being awkward. As a kid I was introverted and lonely - I had a vivid, fast mind yet I could not express myself, I had lot of ideas, insights but when tried to express, I was not experienced how to speak and it was influenced by fear, which to I've focused and made myself awkward within my expression and then by these memories I've defined myself as awkward, not good with speaking, people.

At moments when I feel myself awkward and unsure - this is rare, but occurs sometimes and for a moment if I wonder: I miss a moment here.
It is of comparison, validating how I am based on judgement, jealousy, fear. Let's walk it with Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up within fear of loss, fear of change, fear of consequence and not realizing that what it is exactly I fear from because then I would see what would mean directly what to walk through it practically and within that realizing that the fear I use to cover the fear of change, fear of losing who I've defined myself to be and fear from unknown and in the moment of specifically realizing all details here - it is not fear anymore but an opportunity to step through my limitation as self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry from what others would react to if I speak up exactly what I suppress and judging that based on another judgement which not seeing through and fear of being rejected or being rude or being alone because of not playing the nice guy anymore which is a layer to hide behind from others and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am nice within expression and not speaking up points what I've defined as not nice based on memories and preconceptions without questioning these when I face them or giving my mind permission to use these as stimulate/influence/direct me.

I forgive myself that I did not let go the memories, preconceptions which are not facts and not realizing that facts do not have to be thought all the time, kept in my mind so all I think is opinion, energetic occupation to not be here, embrace reality and directly participate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I was a quiet boy who was introverted and did not practice speaking enough and others were apparently more fluid within speaking and if I've defined my words being spoken out as not perfect and rhetorical then I am bad with speaking and then defining myself that way and whenever I speak, thinking that I am speaking badly, ugly, defining myself as speaking as a peasant because using simple phrases and because focusing to these judgements, these reactions, the memories of moments I've had difficulties to speak up and stumbled within speaking, instead of focusing to the actual speaking I do and because of that fear, reaction, energies I focus: manifesting stumbling again and again and again and not realizing that the solution is to let go all past and speak here and accumulate practice and trust here and realize - if I am speaking here - I focus to what I speak, how I speak and then I am changing, learning, expanding and in fact speaking effectively here.

I forgive myself that I have validated my not speaking up to others because of judging them as bad, negative, stupid, bastard, dumb ass, ugly, evil, slow-minded and fearing that if I would say this out to them they would retaliate me or not like me and within that not realizing that there is the original worry of not being liked, loved by myself and then wanting others to like and love me because then I would judge myself being myself as exactly what I judged others to and then fearing from remaining who I've defined myself to be and not realizing that the solution is to let go these judgements and realize that why I need to be liked and loved by others and what is the reason of having the idea of not loving myself and then seeing that how I doubt and fear myself is because I had no idea what is real, practical love and within that realizing that I have no idea who I really am and why and what I am doing and in that realizing the solution is to slow down within and stop first to see all this through within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I did block my direct expression because of the fear of being angry, frustrated within my voice, expression because this is what I've accepted myself to be within, thus filtering it, 'civilizing myself' and limiting myself not daring to raise my voice even when it is required, even when it could be natural self-expression so by that giving permission to automatically not being able to express myself directly based on fear, fear of judgement by myself projected to others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the practical solution to stop existing within frustration, anger and letting go the relationship within myself by definitions, worry, fear and purifying myself word by word and thus giving myself the opportunity to use my voice directly as myself as sound expression as life word by word equal as one as myself here.

I see, realize, understand that all what I was worried about and memorized as fear from failure is in the past, I am in a different scenario, I directly approach, express and learn and if required immediately stop, see/realize/understand and forgive myself and engage and change.

When and as I see I have uncertainty or worry about speaking up - I question within me - is this really me, is this automatic, is this from silence and direct? - and if yes, I express myself, I trust myself and I focus to expressing myself here, I am here physically, voicing myself with breath, sound, body within clarity. If I see it is of fear, worry what I see within - I stop, I breathe I realize I am not my memory, I am physical, I am sound, I am movement here and I focus to how to speak properly breath by breath.

When and as I worry of not speaking up, I see what I fear of losing and then I decide to let it go and I trust myself within deciding of speaking up or not and if yes then I speak, if not, I remain silent within and without.
If I fear losing something by not speaking up - I create separation, friction, energy which then I give permission to possess me as thoughts, feelings, emotions so instead of that I simply stop myself for a moment and I speak or let the moment go and remain here.

When and as I worry of not being able to speak properly or appropriately - I see what is the judgement, the comparison, the jealousy what I defined myself as inferior based on fear and I see practically what I want to express and how to do it and I do it and I express myself here.

When and as I worry of not speaking properly I stop comparing myself and I give myself the opportunity to enjoy myself expressing, learning, expanding and applying my direction within speaking here.

When and as I worry of not speaking properly - I check the reaction - I question the reaction, the thought - is it valid, relevant, is something what can be used for perfecting myself for instance worry of speaking loud enough or too loud and then adjusting it or if fear of not speaking the words properly then I direct myself to focus to speak the words properly but if there is emotion, worry, fear - I stop it, I see it's origin and I hear it, I open myself to consider all who I am and not accept any fear and expressing myself here.

I commit myself to let go all fear from not speaking up by considering what I want to speak when and see is it direct self-expression as not from thought, fear, worry, emotion and if not then I speak it and trust myself, and if it is from thought, worry, fear, then I stop myself and let it go and see what it comes from and I am stopping that as well within myself - this I develop as who I am naturally until I am here as consistency, clarity within when to speak and when not to speak and how to speak and what to speak.

I commit myself to let go all past based on worry and fear from speaking, it's consequence and I allow myself to enjoy expressing my voice here.

I commit myself to purify and re-align all words within myself as life, as direct physical self-expression as the voice, the sound, the act, the physical action within equality and oneness with all what is here as myself.

I commit myself to slow down within when I speak and realize that for being able to speak here within clarity, I do not need to move fast in my mind - that only pulls my attention from here, where is the body with and as what I speak and realizing that when my mind is not aligned with my physical body here, it is fear so I slow down, I breathe, I realize the fear I've accepted to give into and I stop, realign, act immediately.

Recently was a very cool hangout showing up how Self-forgiveness can assist and support one within facing self-limitation:

Desteni I Process Lite - Participant Review

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 18 May 2014, 21:45

http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... ty-vs.html
Day 177

This can come up at weekends when I have two days for doing things I want and there are so many things I could do and in fact I want to do a lot and this overwhelming experience can take the edge of my clinical decision making of what is really priority and should do with the full of my beingness.

This overwhelming experience is in fact worry and fear of not having enough time which then changes my attitude, presence and the way I feel and thus express myself and based on that there is still a tendency to accumulate it into a specific type of frustration which triggers a typical self-accepted response of the least practical yet still self-defined automatic behavior of self-stimulation.

What I experience is a layer of worry and frustration which triggers the need of being stimulated - there were many kind of things I used to stimulate myself with - some were quite self-dishonest and self-abusive: simply delusional for instance obsession to sex, porn, alcohol, drugs, danger, adrenaline, even crime in order to intensify enough the mind I've allowed myself to exist within and as to equate the already manifested negative experiences with what I've defined as positive, interesting, adventurous, good, fascinating and then riding these extreme amount of energetic experiences and by that defining myself to be alive and feel unique and special and just flying through reality.

Well that type of stimulation is over, I am sober, quite stable and in terms of self-abuse I am manifesting a self-agreement with my physical presence, human body to establish a practical, liveable unification within not accepting anything self-abusive, self-dishonesty so facing the living of a change which is not always obvious so in this case the layers of belief systems are unfolding one after one and it is not just about self-realization as "AHA, I SEE" as it is the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the physical work of the real-time change who I am in each breath within consistency as the constant awareness of self-direction of change within and as the very decision of practical transcending the points of energetic addictions.

Within that I am realizing that the very reasons I've stuck myself for mind-altering substances for a while to intensify my experiences(alcohol then drugs mostly) was to hide from the already manifested creation of who I really am and thus until I did not stop the consuming of these substances I did not even have the chance to see why I really used these, hiding and trying to escape from what exact starting points within myself, the very manifested energetic experiences I've used as myself as personality about how and why I've created myself this way and remaining so - as long as I've kept alive these characters within myself with the mind-altering sessions - I've remained within the same cycles.

It required absolute Self-honesty to realize that for instance even when smoking weed all the time - and inducing apparently more and more new cool reactions within myself - it was all the same - from it's starting point - inducing energetic states which initiated from the same: the already manifested issues within myself what I've covered up with this kind of stimulation.
And when stopped the weed - the patterns came up and the judgements, reactions, thoughts - that was the same always - as the very same personality 'made me smoke' always and they very same personality was boosted always with it - and when I've decided to explore what is beyond these patterns I've realized this is sooooooooo limited, so much the same and in fact the very opposite of the idea of freedom so then with Self-honesty, the stopping was simply common sense.
There is this saying that "You do not truly know someone until you fight them" - and I'd change that:

You do not truly know yourself until you stop yourself.

Because to stop who you are - you have to know yourself - and if something you can't stop - it's common sense: it is not self here - as you should be able to stop yourself, that is why called 'yourself', right?

Sunette wrote this article once:

STOP! – and discover yourself

and it is extremely supporting to see one's mind and to what extent we give permission to our mind to influence, separate, stimulate who we are within starting point, perception, the words we use and from that what to act out:

You sit down and you say "I stop all of me" - for a moment, giving the time and situation to not need to care with the world, just for half an hour and just sit and say "I stop all myself, I stop here and remain just be here".
And then from that moment - whatever moves within me - energies, thoughts, images, desires, worries - it is not self here - as self all self can stop is directing to stop for the moment - so then with this simple act we can see the extent how much we accepted and allowed to give permission to the mind to move automatically to influence, stimulate, direct, move ME here.

So for being able to question ourselves we stop for a moment and this requires to know who we really are - otherwise the attempt to stop self will not be absolute and by that it is possible to see what is really here. And to always use energetic experiences to influence, move me without understanding me - it is just like oil to fire - everything intensifies and within the experience of intensity then that is in the focus, not it's origin, not reality as self here.

Meaning that one does not know oneself until stopping all alcohol, weed, crystal, acid whatever is reasonable to help through oneself within one's life and experiences.

The very fabric of our beingness is the physically manifested dependency on the act of relying to fear, separation, judgement and excuse and justification, hope to avoid direct confrontation of what is really happening in reality, what it is what we exactly accept and allow within our world today in each moment thus realizing the responsibility for what creation we are busy participating within as self here.

For my part within this - is to realize that the substitution for all these energetic addictions when there is any worry, frustration is this self-stimulation which is currently I am accepting sometimes as the need and justification for entertainment.

Specifically meaning when I have many things to do - if I am not practical, if I am not prioritizing, if I am not considering everything here - and react, judge and lost in a reaction to any detail - a part of myself which I do not yet fully know - I allow friction, reaction within me which accumulates energetic reactions ending up fueling certain aspects of personalities automatically by giving permission to act out the character of 'relaxing, chilling, being entertained' and within that to react with an other set of reactions to re-gain the apparent equilibrium in my mind to deal with the frustration meanwhile not realizing that this is just a time loop and not the solution.

So to approach this practically I apply Self-forgiveness to see what are behind these patterns and how to correct myself within self-honesty to prevent further frictions to manifest what takes my attention from facts here to be able to really deal with things I am committed to such as be part of the solution for self-realization and for humanity as a whole wherein everyone can live within dignity and not need to fear from left behind and starve to death. Simple.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really-really prioritize my time because of the fear of not having time for things what are obviously not priority yet fearing to let go or not wanting or not being able to let go for the sake of priority because of the worry of missing out or fear of regret because of not doing it and not engaging into self-intimacy specifically within these points and moments because then I would really see that all attachments I am holding onto and react to are of the past, not here, not real, only the fear-of change, fear of loss I give into because the fact that still participating within self-doubt, fear of facing and living who I really am and trying to gain time and hope meanwhile in fact manifesting the very fear from which is losing time and opportunity and in fact who I really can be without even really exploring who I could be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally and realizing that I've defined myself wanting to do all things I ever could do and because of fear of making the decision what I really want to do and that is because fear of mistake so still wanting to remain within the original idea of "I could do anything, whatever I'd choose" and fearing from losing that because that gives a certain reaction of apparent "freedom" which I in fact use to equalize the already self-accepted judgements and relationship I've defined myself to be in this world as "being powerless slave" so then always wanting to remain within the point of "absolute freedom without doing something yet being sort of "drunk" of the idea of "I could do anything" because fearing from not being able to do anything.

And within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to really decide and commit myself to do one thing with absolute full of my beingness within the fear of loss of the idea of self-defined idea of freedom and also the fear of failure, fear of mistake and thus defining myself based on the mistakes I would make and then accepting myself to define myself according to experiences what I judge, defining myself who I am according to the self-definition, judgement, thinking mechanism and not realizing that the thoughts I accept and allow come up and possess me are not myself as life directly here but as the manifested reflection of what I accept and allow myself to be within the starting point of separation, fear thus the solution is to stop these self-definitions, stop the reaction to these thoughts, find practical ways to prevent myself reacting to these thoughts and embrace these aspects of myself and stop and remain stopped and explore what I can be and become beyond these reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the solution is to stop acting upon frustration and stop playing along with that character of stimulating myself with entertainment and when I am able to stop, I can apply prioritizing effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to dig deeper within myself beyond the energy of frustration of not having enough time and realizing what it is really I fear from specifically in the situation of having a weekend and what to do which is the best for me any my reality and not realizing that I am not seeing directly here and my starting point of self-doubt because of defining myself within experience, within fear of loss, within fear of letting go the idea of freedom and not questioning it and by that not deliberately not wanting to realize that the self-created idea of freedom is in fact self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that how things really work in real time and space and by that being able to plan and do through things I direct myself to and also being that an uncertainty on how to practically approach something getting done because being lost in the self-defined reactions of experiences of worry of not being able to get it done and not realizing that the solution is accumulate self-directed steps one by one within stability meanwhile focusing on preventing frustration from reaction to limitations and also seeing what limitation I experience is self-perceived and which is physical reality and by that being able to work with facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from letting go the idea of freedom of I can do anything without realizing that it is not real freedom, only within my mind - and when trying to live that perceived freedom I can really see how it is exactly self-limitation and fearing from realizing it I'd rather allow myself to be frustrated by fear of failure, fear of loss of freedom by actually start doing it and realizing what really would mean to do it and focusing to the experience of worry and frustration and it's band aiding with another layer of experiences, rather than questioning it and myself and how to stop and prevent that happening and really start exploring within physical self-expression.
[ ]
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within entertainment and self-stimulation with things what I react to with intensity, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions are real and good and positive and not realizing that it is for an other layer of mind to equate, stimulate and the very reason and giving into entertainment and the idea of entertainment is because of that point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that even with the word entertainment I've formed a relationship what I've defined as price, gift, result and defining it as then I can feel myself good and not realizing it is a polarity and by that whatever I do which is not entertaining would mean it can not be cool therefore determining my experiences regarding to the duality of entertainment or not entertainment and by that automatically creating this friction within of negative and positive and defining it as who I am without questioning the relationships I've allowed with words defining what is entertainment, who I am in relation to entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in relation to entertainment and defining it as not cool and blaming myself for doing it and not realizing that if I focus to entertainment only and because of escaping a state of mind into it becomes a problem, not focusing on solution and not being able to direct myself effectively, according to priorities to engage entertainment within self-honesty, without friction, without frustration.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within memories of entertainment there is already an association to frustration of possibly doing it out of frustration even when not and also fearing from remaining within entertainment if enjoying it too much because defining it as overcoming frustration and if fully enjoying it then fearing from wanting to be entertained constantly and never considering self-direction, self-honesty, self-will to prioritize and support and actually enjoy myself regardless of the relationships to specific words such as priority, entertainment, frustration, enjoyment and conditioning myself to think that if I enjoy myself there should be frustration and if I do priority then it should not be enjoyment instead of equalizing, unificating myself in practical real time and space considering facts and letting go fictions one by one by applying self-honesty and focus to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate prioritizing things to do based on frustration and entertainment instead of considering what is the best for me and all within absolute self-honesty and if not being able to consider what would mean this in practical action then directing myself to investigate, see/realize/understand and investigate, decide and will myself doing what I can within self-expression.

I realize that I can enjoy priorities what are in fact myself thus I can enjoy myself and the practical question I can ask is that what is the reason I am not enjoying myself and using common sense to see when enjoyment is possible or even relevant and not trying to define myself or refer myself according to enjoyment thus manifesting another polarity and duality and friction and separation within me by defining who I am myself according to enjoyment with superimposed ideas and opinions instead of trusting myself here and expressing within practically scheduling, using the time effectively and within self-honesty.

A blog post from Creation's Journey to Life on TV, entertainment, fear, solution:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... ision.html

To walk through self-definitions, fear, limitations, mind-polarities, check out Desteni I Process Online Courses:

http://desteniiprocess.com

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 19 May 2014, 22:31

Day 178
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... om-is.html
[JTL 178] Fear from losing freedom is enslavement
[ ] Expanding on the points previously opened up about fears, freedom, entertainment and energy.

It became clear that the uncertainty I give into is an energetic experience wherein I am occupied with reaction instead of solution in order to not change directly when facing self-dishonesty manifested as fear of change/lack of common sense.

Holding onto the energetic reaction of self-definition of the opinion and self-religion of the idea of 'freedom' is in fact self-limitation and it is not who I really am as the seed of life which I am birthing into and as the physical into and as this human physical body meaning changing within real space and time what I actually do based on these realizations, meaning specifying the knowing of myself as practical liberation from the fear from unknown as accumulation of self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to validate myself preventing to commit myself to walk a specific path in reality based on a decision, self-trust and self-direction unconditionally and within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize and understand that the lack of unconditional self-expression is the indication of self-acceptance within relationships what are not based on facts, reality but of impermanence, pre-programming and lack of awareness of consequence as responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself expressing within self-forgiveness as physical action and giving into the energetic temptation of experience of the mind of positive and negative annotations of judgements and excuses for why not standing up for all as equal as one as life in each moment within oneness and equality meaning dilligently walk the job as practical self-liberation from delusions of self-limitation of fear of unknown, fear of facing self and fear from lost and fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create personalities within which creating energetic experiences of constant and stable image and likeness of who I apparently I experience myself to be and based on this experience justifying who I am holding onto these experiences and not realizing the source, starting point of these experiences as physical facts, physical substance, physical reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself why accepting existing within frustration and justifying it with the apparent automatic self-definition self-judgement self-reaction system which I've gave permission to program my physical actions to stimulate me into the same experiences over and over again and by thus creating the apparent image and likeness of who I perceive myself to be and not stopping myself and not allowing and working and establishing self-intimacy to directly see in each moment who I am accepting myself to be by what specific self-limitation to be able to be aware of it and in absolute specific circumstances to see before participating in it to be able to commit myself to the decision to prevent myself going into by taking responsibilities for all what is here and thus becoming the life force as principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can trust myself and in fact I should trust myself because all reasons for not trusting myself are excuses and justifications to not go beyond the limitations what are not physically real, only believing in those and when common sensically investigating with self-forgiveness, I am always directly see that it is not who I really am therefore I commit myself to trust myself within self-direction as self-forgiveness to unreveal and be aware of the self-dishonesties to prevent myself going into within consistency by writing, saying, acting and thus living Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my interest as movies/videos/films/music I do not need to deny and fear from losing it and losing the experience of being stimulated by these - because I can self-honestly and practically and specifically walk through these points within myself facing all the fears I accept as fuel for self-limitation and trusting myself to go beyond and trusting myself to that I am myself, whatever I do, I decide, I realize, I let go within self-honesty - I remain myself because of the simple common sense of I can not lose who I really am, that is why it is who I really am therefore what I fear from losing and what I lose is not who I really am and thus I commit myself to let go all fears one by one and altogether by re-aligining myself with facts here, with reality here, with responsibility here, with living words directly here aligned with all life as equality.
---

I have read today a very cool blog from Kristina:

338: Emotions are Our Weakness - Become Relentless as the System

"That is a point I saw directly today – how uncaring the system is in terms of human's emotions and feelings – it deals strictly with information, facts, rules, guidelines, policy and law. It is very cut and dry, to the point."

So by reading this I've realized that the emotions I react with facing unknown, facing fear of loss of the idea of freedom(which is when investigating it in fact self-limitation) is the least practical, effective and self-honest thing I can do in relation to these points I am currently walking through and re-aliging myself with.

Because when I fear of change, fear of losing what I apparently have within the delusion of 'this is who I am and this I fear of losing if I would change circumstances, my starting point to it, my actions, my reality' and this perception is fueled by emotions - which humans then justify that 'this is why we are humans, because having emotions, because capability of emotions, feelings, thoughts' and within that arguing for limitations.

I have many direct experiences which about I am quite AWARE today here, not just memory but direct physical reference that expressing myself as LIFE, as human being: emotions are irrelevant, feelings are irrelevant - because there is expression beyond these, as direct SELF-EXPRESSION is not relying on nor emotion nor feeling.

[ ] Being as a child, running on the fields, standing here as equal with animals, participating within reality without the interpretation of the mind consciousness system is not just very possible but it is the way, it is the real deal for self-realization to stand here with all as equal as one as self.

The Design of Equality and Oneness Field

...Let's say if you have a relationship with something or someone of this world, you are trapped, enslaved, you are a goner, you are done, you are the slave to the mind, the Unified Consciousness Field, you are in the prison of your own creation....

Because within the mind, the only way to stand in oneness and equality is to have a relationship separate from me.

Thus the solution is to disengage myself from the self-accepted self-defined relationships about points in my mind - which create energy, friction, induces thoughts, feelings, emotions, fuels personality, character to engage into physical action to fulfill being equality and oneness towards me, who I perceive myself to be.

From this specific point - it is to walk further the point and idea and self-definition as self-accepted limitation of relationship with the word "freedom", what I will continue to walk and re-align within self-honesty through applying self-forgiveness.

From Creation's Journey to LIFE blog post:

"I commit myself to SHOW that Nothing that Now exists on Earth should be feared, and that Understanding How what is Now on Earth is Created in Detail will bring an End to all Fear, and Enable and Empower One to Stand and Stop Abuse and Call all on Earth to Responsibility no Matter what Fears are used to try and trap one in a System of Abuse. "

Desteni I Process LITE to start the walk

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 26 May 2014, 19:04

Day 179
Decomposing further the idea of freedom to correct within self-honesty
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... -doom.html

[JTL 179] Idea of Freedom as fear of doom
[ ] Continuing on decomposing my idea of freedom which has been proven to be enslavement as not supporting self-expression, self-realization, self-movement based on the accepted relationships I've defined by memories, images, thoughts, feelings, emotions formed by and through words which from who I experience myself to be has emerged as the personalities, characters of Talamon Joseph what I walk through here.

Within my last post I've started to open the point of idea of freedom to hold onto and fear of losing.

The ultimate freedom I've defined as lack of consequence, lack of responsibility, lack of fear, lack of physical limitations.

My definition of freedom was to always have the ability to change my starting point towards things and eventually my most delusional idea of freedom was to create reaction systems within me to occupy and absent experience of presence in this physical existence from and to always be to justify and maintain the experience of apparently self-decided energetic creation within myself.

And from that the idea of power and the idea of freedom was to be able to have internal experiences separated from here and to be able to form my environment and reality to be able to maintain this habit of suppress myself into my inner realms of reactions.

Never questioning the very definition of freedom, my own polarity-influenced creation of this idea of freedom which was to balance out the same as all has: fear of change, fear of loss, fear of self, fear of fear itself.

And thus seeing this point within self-honesty it is obvious that it is not enough to acknowledge it and from this moment to hope that everything will be solved or even belive that this information/knowledge can change anything in this reality as we can easily realize that many of the current human system has quite specific and exact conscious knowledge about how things really are but they are still hypnotized by the idea of

-knowledge is enough
-change is impossible
-fear of losing self justifies not moving

within the process of actually, practically using the understanding of how things are.

Translating it to the current human system: how the capitalistic, economic, money system is abusing all life on earth, how our current participation, of each and every single human being's direct every day's participation can be simply traced back as direct responsibility for the current system within it's authority and direction force within the extremely massive amount of abuse taking place on earth every day.

Within the idea of wanting to grasp freedom I was exploring how things really work, I've came to the realization that I am responsible, I am enslaved, I am not yet real - only the consequences I've accumulated into existence.

So the very first idea of stepping into the reality of freedom is to let go any - ANY - idea of freedom because it is obviously prison, directly self-enslavement.

I have not yet established a vocabulary to express my current beingness towards the study material what can be found to Desteni, Desteni-I-Process and EQAFE, but undoubtedly if anyone wants to explore what it really means to live a life freely - it is the eye of the needle within this existence.

I've shouted wolf for quite some times already by diverting people, their life, their very attitude how to interpret their experience and living towards ideologies, ways, methods, different kind of *-isms what is related to the "truth" and always realized not really and I've re-aligned myself...

So after all if I say again: 'This is the real deal, people' - I do understand why those who've heard several times this from me would question me, however the only thing I can use as reference is my walk from self-enslavement to the only freedom what anyone can have in existence as practical equality within oneness which means to stand up for all as equal as one in this system, to live as "give as would like to receive".

This in reality means what I do have, do get, do have access to and nurtures me should be granted for all others equally as well - common sense says it is food, water, health care, shelter, education(not just up to university but more imporantly Desteni I Process courses to really start to learn how to grasp how really (and within it myself) really works - and many-many people lacks this opportunity which I see myself not really being superior at all to get so it is already an inequality, which is not fair, not "unconditional love" thus within self-honesty it is unacceptable. Thus the direction is to understand how the system works and how to stand up to it and have an impact to accumulate change it to a system what can consider all humans as life equally. This has never been manfiested so it means we must walk into something unknown which to fear can step towards yet this should not be a stopping force, but to fuel our motivation to see our created limitation to work with, expand through and change the course of humanity as a whole.

For some days I've directed myself out from the rhytm of how I've established my living by going to the mountains where was no internet, no cell coverage, I've spend days in old forests and letting everything go but the presence of who I am and focus to what I want to do.

I've came to the realization that the only thing what really matters is this physical existence, the future, the direction as all beings together as individuals and as a whole as equal as one.

By listening some more of the Atlanteans interviews from EQAFE, seeing the very starting point of this existence's creation and the points beings has never transcended, the only thing comes up for me is to calm down, ensure I am continuing cleansing the system manifestations from my beingness and let go the fear of not being free, fear from loss, fear from losing who I've defined myself to be and the very energetic experience of fear from consequences to stop participate within. Because to fear from sequences which are conned to manifest already is acceptance, the same repeat: enslavement, the opposite of self-movement, change.

By listening the descriptions of the experiences the atlanteans had when they were seeing losing connection from life source substance and their desperate attempt to remain within the experience of rememberance and hope for return I've felt this sadness and desperation which did not overwhelm me but I've realized that the mistake they've made, what we've already made and it not supposed to happen again and again and again, only by the preprogramming of the system's design which took over by our very starting point of separation and acceptances from losing who we believed ourselves to be meanwhile this whole existential process in the first place was a proof that we never had any idea of who we really are and what in fact freedom would really entail.

Seeing the ideas I was holding onto and still participating within it as the same mistakes these beings made eons before and seeing the same cycles are being repeated from endless times brings up the only relevant point forward which is the point of Self-honesty here.

Who I am? Where I came from? Where I am going? What is here? What consequences I am responsible for?

These questions should be and eventually will be answered for all - and this very moment I see the motivation and the purpose which is not from this world, not for this world but to see the answer for the question for this: What is LIFE?

Definitely not by biological terms and not even scientifically as these are merely refractions of fragments of real understandings of what is creation and who we really are - what is the 'I' within the center of it all.

Seeing these points within me it is obvious that I am creation, I am creator and I am created. The judgement day has come wherein I am responsible and whether I change myself for accumulate what is best for all - or I will be proving the fact that I've always been not real, irrelevant.

[ ] Death will come to us for all, inevitably - our days are numbered, the very possibilities what we can bring about as individuals is extremely limited, but even within this confined, predictable system, within this perfectly closed enslavement there is the possibility to bring about change.

But for that Self-honesty, Self-perfection must be born, Self-direction, Self-responsibility, Self-stability must be consistent to birth accumulation to stand up as this system to be able to direct it as self as euqal as one and accumulate solution to end the separation, the massive amount of abuse.

The abuse, which one can not directly tap into as it would bring self-losing madness in the mind from the extreme scale of pain and suffering which is currently being caused in each moment but we must realize that there is no such amount of separation in this existence what would protect anyone from facing consequences of acceptances and allowances of the amount of harm against life is happening today.

The fact that we are all sharing the same existence wherein all's actions has consequence for all is the point what each who considers responsibility as self as co-creator should embrace and those who do not want, can not or not wanting to give up self-interest based on any reason should not and will not be trusted within participating the power of real, unlimited life to birth and live.

But there is a pace, for what to we strengthen ourselves to accumulate self-realization, self-presence, self-direction to be able to have the moment of clarity to decide what we make with our current life and then walk the self-purification from consciousness enslavement word by word, moment by moment, breath by breath with the Process of Self-forgiveness to become able to birth ourselves as in and as this physical existence as the Living Word.

So returning back to my individual process of letting go the idea of freedom I walk Self-forgiveness to assist and support my existence to be free from my delusions, ideas of myself I've created myself by and as manifested consequence of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed to consider when defining freedom the words of "fear of doom" and "free from doom" and "fear me from doom" and within that seeing how my desire was not to face consequence, not to face the end of all what I've created as delusion in the name of free will, free choice, freedom and within that trying to grasp anything what make me believe I can be free from the end of who I define and perceive and experience myself to be, even just for a moment to feel free from doom and if being able to hypnotize myself not seeing the end of me then defining freedom as being able to choose remain within this delusion that I will not die, I am free of consequence, I am not responsible.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the very idea of not wanting to be responsible and defining it as freedom is the sign of not being free and already being responsible thus it is an act of denial of who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that any fear I participate within there is an idea I am holding onto and define myself as meanwhile any self-definition is of inner friction, of energetic polarity of what is here in reality versus what I try to hide behind within my internal experiences and leaning into the experience which only me have versus the factual, physical reality which is for all, shared by everyone equally, constantly, always here.
I forgive myself that I have never questioned the very idea of freedom to participate within my mind, to fall into whispers, silent talks, back-chats, internal conversations, thoughts, energetic experiences, feelings, thoughts I've experienced within myself, my mind, my body, my beingness and not realizing that the real freedom to exist without these, to exist without polarities, without any fear by the constant presence, direct unification with all what is here as self as all equally as one.
I forgive myself that I have fallen into the energetic temptation of the idea of freedom by apparently experiencing myself as more free than others and not realizing that real freedom can not exist until I am more free than others and within this existence on earth I participate within, based on physical constraints, the system's limitations, rules, regulations, laws - I am more free than others which is not fair and thus realizing that "give as I would like to receive" I have accepted and allowed a system to rule on earth which is giving more freedom for some in the price of taking that away from others thus in overall, within seeing the whole picture seeing that this can not be and never was real freedom what I have experienced.
I forgive myself that I have defined freedom as lack of responsibility, the ability and effect of abdication of responsibility, the lack of commitment, the instability and the denial and it's very reasoning, justification for why I do not want to take responsibility for my actions, for what is here to be defined as any form of valid freedom to think, idealize, form relationship within and express it out without realizing that the very essence of idea of 'not wanting to be responsible' is already a starting point for what I am already responsible, whether I see, want to see or not thus I am directly involved with the manifesting consequences anyway.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as not needing and being able to justify and believe it as reasonable justification for why I do not need and have to be responsible at all and not realizing that if I am here - I am responsible always, constantly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right, the ability and the very act of creating frictions within me and become one and equal with and as a mind consciousness system to live within and as and create experiences within the starting point of self-interest and fear of losing it and define who I am as the self-automation to give permission my mind to prevent facing facts of being responsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the fact to see/realize/understand and constantly be aware of the point of being responsible thus facing who I really am without the internal reaction experiences in my mind which I've gave permission to be separated from direct reality, which I experience reality through to not need to remember and always see what I am responsible for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the ultimate freedom to abdicate reality presence and go into mind-experiences wherein I apparently can direct what I experience and who I define myself to be and how to stand towards points I've justified to perceive myself to be separated from in order to live out the self-defined freedom of abdicating responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I allow fear within my expression - I am in a relationship within my mind which I lean to, give permission to and separate myself from reality by in order to justify to remain within abdicating responsibility for all what is here.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is to let go all idea of freedom and all definitions of freedom by applying and living self-forgiveness, purifying the words, stopping following and reacting mind experiences based on thoughts, feelings, emotions and remain here all ways and practically become aware of how to move in practical unification with all what is physically here, move self as real time, breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to grasp how things really are within the idea of losing myself based on the overwhelming experience of abuse is taken place in each moment on earth by defining myself based on experiences because without experience I am not moved, I am not motivated, I am not stimulated into phases and states of which from I can react to automatically what would animate me to be able to define who I am and thus based on that definition believing myself as this is it, as real as something to rely on, to protect and fear of losing and not realizing that all of is a delusion, an idea of which is not really real thus in any moment fear of loss comes up - I become aware of that I try to take refugee within which I not really am thus I re-align and breathe, let it go and apply specific self-forgiveness to be aware of not participate within it again and when it would come be aware of that this is when and how I stand and stop and change.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that holding onto the idea of who I was, who I am and defining myself based on a remembrance, an idea of who I am, who I was, who I will be is limitation, self-defined enslavement within holding onto what I experience instead of considering facts here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for change, hope for become free, hope for better times and not realizing that while I hope, I do not move, I put responsibility to forces outside of self, for what I give my mind permission to feel not powerful enough to stand up to and be equal and one and direct within self-honesty thus defining hope as equating self-defeat into experience of balance the fact that I've given up on myself and decided not to act.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have freedom over my experiences even within the seeing and understanding that my experiences are only internal, not real and causing me not be present, here, direct because who I've defined myself to be is experiences, relationships with experiences, definitions and thus defining myself as less than experiences, less than relationships, less than definitions instead of stand as equal with all here as self as one and direct within responsibility.

So to specify it more to immediately start living the stopping based on delusions about freedom to actually explore in real time and space in my location to really give for myself the freedom to be responsible:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom to whenever and wherever I am to stimulate myself with the ideas of beauty and value and stimulation with women regardless of any consideration of others, only con-sidare-ing my interest for stimulate my energetic experience of freedom based on react with excitement, feel of beauty, feel of arousal and self-value projected to women who I define as source of power to justify my self-created experience of freedom of react in my mind towards any woman whoever I am being stimulated from by believing that it is just in my mind, not real, and it is my right to stimulate myself and by the very idea of value I've given into women and not questioning why and what exactly I do not value within myself what by I experience the friction, the polarity which I've given permission my mind to balance out by thoughts, feelings, emotions to stimulate me into experiences wherein I can define myself as I feel good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having foods for days ahead and having shelter, having comfortable clothes, shoes, warm place to sleep and nothing to be responsible for because if I would be responsible for something I would be worried on how to manage to deal and work with those things to ensure taking care of, which defining it as too much, as too complicated or too uncomfortable and not question my initial reactions as accepted excuses to not take responsibility for myself, the people around me and my reality unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right to change my mind at any time based on the delusion that I do actually change my mind and never realizing the fact that I've given permission to my mind to change me, giving away my power to myself changing myself and thus only changing myself, my attitude, my starting point, my action or not action when my mind tells me and justifying it as freedom instead of realizing that this is the very opposite of freedom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having multiple relationships with multiple women within the idea of losing something for something another and defining the value based on quantity instead of quality and thus fearing from not being able to decide properly with one thus wanting to have fall back instead of realizing it is fear of responsibility for my decision, for my walk with one partner, with one specific partner or with myself at first and thus by apparently wanting to be free from responsibility what I manifest is to abdicate responsibility for myself and for my relationships in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit myself to the business I want to establish fully with all of my beingness because of the idea of losing the freedom what I define myself currently having, meaning not needing to live within absolute consistency because of the belief that if I would do a business, I would do it with my fullest potential thus not being able to have much entertainment what I do currently have access to if I would decide thus realizing it is not even about what I do but only in my mind as possibility as what I COULD do, which is an ability, a backdoor to stimulate myself with the IDEA of freedom and never questioning the specific act of using this self-dishonesty within me to try to balance out the friction I manifest in my mind when splitting away from real facts within my perceptions, meaning to have real self-intimacy to see when I fear of losing freedom and see that as my self-limitation and work on that to let go and expand myself through within alignment with real time and space, considering facts here, breath, by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from be responsible for my actions, my starting points, my acceptances and allowances and not realizing that what I've defined as freedom is in fact fear and until I do not take responsibility for the fear to stop, I can not be free.

I just saw an interesting VLOG from Tormod on explaining friends as "free ends", check it out, here is the link.
I will continue to explore this side of self-limitation with the idea of friendship and how I limited myself within it and how to re-define and live the word friend to support self-honest living.

Walk free online Self-support with Desteni I Process LITE to start working with fear to be free of it.
- See more at: http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... DVRUK.dpuf

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 29 May 2014, 23:31

Day 181
Decomposing friendship
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... -idea.html

[JTL 181] Friendship, self-interest, idea of self: STOP
Exploring freedom in terms of friends and self-interest

How I've defined friends and related to freedom.

[ ] I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who are my friends as my free choice and not questioning exactly why the people who I've defined as friends are in my life and realize that it was not of free choice but self-acceptance in relation to already self-accepted relationships with values and judgements and definitions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the meaning of friends as having common values, interests and be good with each other is the surface only of facts, interests and dynamics amond the minds of friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the value I've given to the judgements and responses and reactions coming from those who I've defined as my friends and building a polarity within my responses according to how much I've defined the person as my friend thus changing myself who I am according to this definition and value of friendship.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within finding and accepting friendships I've formed relationship within my mind with words based on perceptions and judgements towards the persons as projections and thus not seeing directly them who they really are but of my value systems and my definitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as forming friendship and loosing friendship and even breaking friendship and not realizing that the very relationship of friendship is not self-directed within me but automatic, reactive and based on self-acceptance by feelings, reactions, thoughts, emotions I've experienced with these particular people thus forming relationship with these reactions within me and linking those to the people who I've defined as friends and building who I am and how I behave when being with them or considering them in my mind how they would react to something I would do or say even when they are not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry to not express myself freely with the ones who I've defined as friends and even with those who define me as friends because what I've defined as friendship is kindness and positive feelings, reactions, thoughts and thus when the opposite would come up in relation to friends such as not kindness, not positive reactions, feelings, thoughts, not expressing those directly to them to prevent them feel bad, to prevent them feel me as not kind, negative with them within the fear of being judged and disregarded as then they would not define me as friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea of friendship, the relationship with reactions within me with those who I've defined as friends and prioritizing this inner relationship projected to persons as more important than express myself regarless of anyone, worrying to lose the status of friendship and not even questioning it and seeing directly what are the values I am holding onto instead of being free of fear from losing something what is entirelly self-created, inner experience only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to exist within this world without relationships formed in my mind towards other beings because then I would define myself as alone, lonely, lost, weak and uncertain and by seeing this not wanting to directly see these self-dishonesties within me to be able to question why in the first place I am accepting such automatic self-definitions and fear and giving permission to have these reactions instead of understanding how I've created it, how I am participating within it and how I can stop it and be here, simply, directly, physically without any need for relationship within my mind projected towards others which is in fact the very act of separation from all what is here including myself as well.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the need for wanting to define an image and picture presentation to certain friends to stimulate them to react towards me in a way what I defined as reason for the friendship but not wanting to see it because then I would directly and immediately see, always and any time, anywhere the fact that all friendship I participate within is self-interest and I've never considered to re-define the word friendship to be best for all participants, meaning to not accept anything less then who I am and who the other being is and committing myself to stand up and even express my realization on how exactly the self-dishonesty is being played out within myself or within the other but always ensuring the priority to check my reaction first, to stop myself first, to forgive and change myself first to stand what is here equally as one and if I am clear and being able to cross-reference what I experience with the friend and ensuring I've already walked that point and seeing it how I've walked that and being able to support with assistance stepping forward and provide the possible support for not accepting self-dishonesty and how practically walk through such limitation.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within being absolute self-honest with myself and direct here and express that towards anyone and having doubts, suppressions, second thoughts and linking that to others is self-dishonesty as it is not about the other person but myself here which I should immediately stop, understand, forgive and change myself to prevent it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from losing friendship with anyone by expressing who I am and what I see and what I represent and what I do and stand for and realizing that the value I've given into the definition of friendship is the very act of self-separation from who I am or who I can be here projected out to other persons to ensure the point of external dependency, blame and insecurity to not need to face the very starting point of worry and fear I've accepted to manifest within myself as fear of loss, fear of change, fear of consequence, fear of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people as friends who are friendly with me, meaning being kind with me, being open with me, being supportive with me and wanting friendship automatically as a cheesy, gloomy good feeling and some sort of bond which is not based on logic, practicality or even common sense but energetic experiences, intuition and self-interest even when not being exactly aware of the starting point of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a worry, an energetic uncertainty overwhelming within me when somebody wants to be my friend and wants to define our relationship as friendship meanwhile I do not really want it and I'd rather not spend that much time with the person because of my priorities and limited time but not wanting to be rude or raw or blunt, not wanting to hurt and cause bad feelings or disappointment and I play along with the friendship and try to bring out something useful or supportive from this relationship at least because without defined value within relationship I do not see any point to continue, especially when considering that my priorities should not and in fact are not based on feelings, reactions, definitions thus not directing myself to be specitic and directive and based on the worry I am manifesting exactly what I've worried from: not being able to focus and do my priorities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define friendship as something I have to maintain and keep up and basically feed from time to time by meeting or interacting or communicating otherwise it would fade away as there would not be something concrete to react to or define friendship by and worrying of not being good friend when not caring with the friendship, meaning taking time to keep up the reactions and the very starting point of the self-created, self-defined friendship instead of realizing the fear of loss means I am already lost it, I only grasp in my mind which is not real thus I let it go, I let friendship, definition of friendship, definition of values of friendship let go, from all, one by one and all as equal at the same time and I commit myself to consider that if I am changing myself with somebody then who I am is not consistent, I am changing based on the relationship I participate in my mind thus I commit myself the common sense of stop defining, stop fear of loss, stop the act based on definitions and consider and act what is best for all participants within self-honesty.

I use imagination practically to expose my definitions and fears:

[ ]
What comes up in my mind as the depiction of Gandhi or Mandela or Martin Luther King or Leonardo da Vinci as they would worry about priorities among friendship and their priorities what wanting to do in their lives and then the reaction is that friendship is irrelevant, obstacle, distraction.
I image a king sitting on his throne and people are approaching him with issues about the kingdom and at one point he stops the flow and says - now everybody let me be, I now focus to my friends, these are important to me, special and more priority to me than everybody else, please understand.
I image a military general and there is invasion and he is responsible to protect the country - and he has to choose that he is focusing to saving his own family by spending time to come out a plan and use resources to make them escape - or he is focusing to stop the first line of attack meanwhile he can not focus to what will happen with his family and he has to choose which is more important.
And then I image a priest, or a buddhist monk sitting in a monastery and once considering he wants to have special feelings towards somebody - which into wants to take refugee and define as priority.
I imagine the 'Last temptation of Christ' movie wherein when Jesus is on the cross and suffering before death and the last temptation he has to face and transcend is when Lucifer(or whatever devilish aspect of him) is casting a spell wherein he is saved, he has wife, children and becoming old after a happy life and in his deathbed when his death coming he rembembers that 'it is not cool that I focused to my happiness' and then he says 'Noooooooooooooooooo' and then he wakes up dieing on the cross and feeling cool that 'yes, I am willing to die in order to 'be the savior for the world' - (haha this is a weird stuff, it was an interesting movie with very cool music)
Or even I image an existence wherein there is a god who is all seeing and all hearing and once decides to not hear all and see all, only something, what is a part of the whole which is more important to care about.


So these are part of the self-definition, the personality, symbols, desires, the characters I've defined myself to perceive myself who I am or who I want to see myself to be, based on the already-defined 'who I am'.

This in fact comes up not just about 'friendship' but apparently whatever I find as enjoyable and seeing into it and realizing it is of self-interest and then becoming obsessed with letting it all go and then going into the extreme - without really considering what would practically mean to live according to what is best for all - including myself.

There is the point of Self-honesty which is not just to balance out the 'me enjoying' and 'doing all my best for all' - because even within 'I did my best' I see the fact that not the utmost potential was done.

So this is a point what comes up when engaging with a partner also - same as with relationship - until it's not defined and not becoming overwhelming and priority and something to be desired it is alright.

When I see that this day I did all I could do for accumulating what is best for me and for all - if I define myself as 'I did my best' - it is not self-honesty.

If I see what can be perfected HERE that is direct - it is not about 'my best' - it is not about 'me' - but every participants equally. And how practically, physically, every day live my life not balance out personal living and taking responsibility for all what is here within equality and oneness.

As I see within the currently accepted 'norm' within human 'civilization', friendship, relationship, love are merely self-interest, occupation for the fallen slaves - there is no such thing as beauty what I see here on earth - only systems, programs, layer upon layers doing their purpose what has been pre-programmed to act out without awareness, without responsibility for all what is here.

To even try to grasp, consider to take responsibility for self here and for all what is here within equality seems too vague, too crazy, too delusional which I see as excuse and justification to not see what we are responsible accepting and allowing to accumulate every day.

Also to see when I move within the mind when I jump from one extreme polarity to an other meanwhile within my physical action, real practical change I do not manifest - and to reckognise and understand the reasons for not really transcending these patterns.

And to allow the gift of self-honesty to realize what is the most practical way to work with these self-delusions, self-limitations step by step, not making the process to 'spiritual', 'superficial', 'impossible' and not be able to measure the accumulating towards real solution which is mathematically provable as best for all.

I see, realize, understand that writing all down, slowing down within and using the tool of becoming aware of the self-accepted relationship with words through applying self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment and to write, say, act the same is the most supportive thus this is what I accumulate.

[ ] So this is what can be supportive to not fear and judge the word 'friend' and it's definition but to see how it can be re-defined to support living in self-honesty.

I will continue to decompose and work with these points in the next post and in the meantime I apply self-forgiveness to already support myself to practically stop and slow down in terms of fears coming up about the word 'friend', 'friendship'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into worry and fear about the word 'friendship' and 'friend' and try to mistify, fog the experiences about friendship and jump around polarities within my mind to avoid stand up to all duality of 'friendship is bullshit, avoidable' and 'I should care about friendship' instead of stand within unification and act each day the same consistant self-expression regardless of anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with definitions and feelings about friends, friendship and feel bad about not caring about friends and avoid them and refuse them when I see priorities are more important and not communicating what I do why I do and what is my priority and meanwhile fearing from 'failing' friendship and from 'being judged' as 'not good friend' and thus manifesting friction within me and then not focusing to the solution for this attitude, but focusing to the self-created experience of friction, instability and virtual movement around polarities of the mind.

I forgive myself to imagine situations, characters, persons who I've defined as examples for being responsible for all and trying to compare myself towards them and judge myself as not acting the same as I've defined them acting so and generating friction by comparison, jealousy, doubt which with fueling personalities within me to act something out which is not self-expression, self-honesty, self-direction but of fear, of energy thus not stable, consistent and then defining myself as doing it and not doing it and never considering stopping, stopping participating within this and committing myself to practically prevent doubt, fear, jealousy, comparison, judgement one by one, breath by breath and write all down to the utmost specificity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear from being self-interested and wanting to be all-interested and not realizing using the pattern of 'self-sacrifice' which then defining as difficult and thus generating friction and manifesting energies, instability, polarity instead of decomposing all parts of self-interest, all ideas of a separate self, all image and likenesses of who I am or who I want to become and realize that I can live directly here physically and whatever comes up stopping me doing so I can write, forgive, stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as not having friends, not needing friends, not having individuals as specials and being able to handle and see and act towards all equally based on images, definitions, memories, stories, characters and then comparing myself towards these and react and fear and not realizing that who I really am I can not know until I let everything go and explore who I am undefined - and to really know myself is only possible by allowing myself to live freely of definitions, freely from fear, freely from any idea of freedom and realizing I am in an existence being shared with all equally and real freedom is always relate and see this interconnectedness with all here within each moment.

I commit myself to stop myself eating up about friendship and reacting to how I act or not act according to definitions of friendship and I decide to stop reacting but using common sense, trust myself and decide and communicate clearly.

I commit myself if people expect things from me, preventing myself to go fear of being judged, fear of loss (of friendship) by understanding that it is an idea in the mind based on judgements, so I let all go, I use common sense and I trust myself to act according to what I currently self-honestly see as best for me and for all equally.

I commit myself to stop fear from falling into reactions about fear - and I stop and re-align myself whenever I see I am participating within definition of friendship and judgement and expectation and fear - each time I stop participate, I commit myself to let it go and live freely of these limits.
- See more at: http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... GlAA7.dpuf

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 31 May 2014, 09:46

[JTL Day 182] The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... ng-my.html
[ ] Hereby I declare these points as commitment, this is who I am and this is what I stand for:

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth
- See more at: http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... e6HcY.dpuf

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 05 Jun 2014, 23:20

Day 183
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl ... rough.html

[JTL Day 183] 4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application
A review/overview/plan for this blog and my process of self-realization.
Within my last post, I've shared my declaration of principle:
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... ng-my.html

I will be taking each points written in that declaration of how I have lived or going to live as the law of my being as principle of living who I am and who I am going to be.

I continue with the Journey to Life blogging with my personal/interpersonal/universal process of self-correction while adding writings about each point of this declaration of principle as who I am, starting with points what I have lived and living already - and those points do not exist within hierarchy or order but equal aspects of my principled living.

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

TRANSGRESSIONS
What I walk first is also this very blog is one of the points of this practical walk of Self Purification.
Within realizing that there are patterns within my beingness, expression which are not the best possible of who I could be, I take responsibility to for what I have manifested myself to be and become and within that understanding the creation I've accumulated consequences to end up being who I experience myself to be and within that realizing that the same way I have 'done' myself: I can 'undone', meaning accumulating understanding and stopping, re-definition and commitment, active participation: in fact I can change.

This is one of the most important points what we all should realize that self-willed individuals, human beings and thus human nature can change. And if human nature can change - the future of mankind can change.

I find very often facing within discussions the reason to accept self-limitation that 'this is human nature' which with I humbly disagree.
I have seen many patterns within myself which I've found extremely frustrating - so overwhelmingly limiting that I just could not accept myself being that way.
Even a really bugging point within me, what I can not 'unsee', if it takes years to change, I'd rather head on and work on that change, instead of for the rest of my life see it constantly as self-acceptance with the acknowledge that I have never ever really-really tried to change, just given up on that aspect of myself.
And as more and more points I accept within me as it is, it accumulates and one day I realize I do not even see how many things I gave up on myself - yet I am still participating, reacting, apparently 'living' - but I can always remember, see, feel that I did not do all I could and for me this was always a shame - and that shame to accept was really a burden until I did not find the Process of Self-forgiveness.

Before even considering to change myself, I've came up with imagination, daydreaming, sort of escaping into fantasy worlds within my mind just to not need to be aware of how much I've accepted self-limitation with the point of 'this is who I am, this is how I react, this is how I act' and never questioning 'why' - and all I did was 'imagining and thinking about' acting differently but not yet daring to literally, physically explore these things to live out in reality.

There were many reasons for that, mostly fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear - but this is not practical knowledge, it is just labeling it, useless knowledge, bullshit wisdom - for really become aware how I've created the limitations within my mind, I have to specify my understanding about how my mind, my behavior, reactions, personality, my very beingness really work in order to even see the possibility to change by understanding the small steps accumulated to this moment.

That was a phase wherein I've 'consciously' started to manipulate with energy. With energies in my mind I was able to stimulate my perception, my reactions, trigger points within me to react certain ways - mostly with overwhelming by obsessive thinking, self-abuse, self-hate, blame, suppression, emotional storms, 'wheeling up' so to speak to the degree of almost exploding and then forcing to move me towards a direction. Then this compound energetic experience took over in me and acted out to equalize itself before my extreme physical uncomfortability ending up my body fully malfunctioning.
In that moment of extreme frustration it seemed good to have a let go, to even start to move towards any direction and then defining myself as this dynamics: suppressing, judging, reacting, looping, overwhelming, compounding, releasing, feeling empty, defining.

I've abused myself with energies quite extensively - obsession, possession, FALL in love, drinking alcohol, drugs without any specific self-direction - my mind was literally blown away, many times and in fact constantly. And within that - I've lost myself completely within experiences to the degree of disregarding facts here, prioritizing feeling good more than anything else, justifying the inflated, superimposed self-interest towards a delusional process, an ascension from slavery of ignorant darkness to the master of consciousness as enlightenment. None of that supported me as none of that was real.

For some years that made me to perceive some sort of change - but I did not see that "I" did not really change, only more definitions I've created, the consciousness system evolved, upgraded, mutated within my mind, not me as my beingness.

It took quite some time to realize that I was not really liberating myself as I was overwhelmed with the intensity of experiences and the fractal-vortex-nature of the virtual infinity programmed into consciousness and defining myself according to those accumulated energetic experiences but one thing has never changed: lack of consistency, physical stability, power over matter/reality and I was always changing but not me directly, only by reaction to forces outside of my direction and thus being vulnerable and inferior to experiences and circumstances which was obviously not freedom, it was absolute self-dishonesty. Specifically no matter how much stuff I took, how many weeks I've meditated with the most deep states - my dishonesty points remained - addiction to energy, to sex, to alcohol, drugs, self-judgement, fear, which I barely could acknowledge with all those mesmerizing experiences within consciousness systems but when I've lost everything again and again and again, I've started my life from scratches, nothing actually I could accumulate what remained, only the fact that I still must seek, find, search, question.
CHANGE
After hitting rock bottom literally several times, more and more seriously approximating physical death, in those moments I've faced the fact I can let go - so then I've realized I literally have to let go all I've defined myself to be, even the so seriously taken to the most extreme energetic-spiritual striving for a better reborn. I've never stopped looking/searching and within that eventually I've found what I was always looking for: The Principle of Equality and Oneness and the Process of Self-forgiveness.

I've studied the Desteni material every day, which just emerged on the internet around 2007 and eventually I've started to apply Self-forgiveness, sharing in this very blog.
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2008/01/uni ... -here.html
This was my first post here in 2008 January and from that moment I walk what I talk:

Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realizing I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

Within published more than 500 blog posts I've had an outstanding journey to discover how to know myself and how to understand my own creation and within that becoming responsible to stop the patterns what are not supporting me or others.

I have realized that I create my own experiences within myself and with the very relationships I accept and participate within through words, I am shaping reality around me with others.

I have realized I can stop reacting to thoughts by understanding their dynamics, I can become intimate with myself by opening up to experiences and question and answer to myself and if not seeing through, applying Self-forgiveness for that specific self-limitation, to explore why I do not see who I am, why I am as I am and also applying Self-forgiveness for accepting myself to remain hidden from myself, to not allow myself to change myself.

Since started the Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application - I was able to let go many frustrations, fears, addictions, limitations and slowly but surely I learn to exist within actual inner quietness, clarity, unification.
No thoughts are becoming so overwhelming that I completely disregard what is here, I can be comfortable within and as my human physical body without boredom, without accumulating frustration, without undefinable fears what stimulate me into mood swings.

This is already a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge change - I can be calm, directive, present. I do not use alcohol/drugs to get high, I do not become getting low, yet I can have a passion for life, for standing up, for becoming more stable, consistent, expressive.

Thoughts, feelings, emotions are becoming less and less relevant, yet I understand more, I express more vividly, I can make myself quiet within when I want, I can go to sleep and say to myself: now, quiet, I sleep and then I sleep.
I can work with my limitations, I can learn, I can give myself into the moment here without overwhelming worry or fear and I can become intimate with myself and other without any mind-stimulant. I can stop patterns what are obviously taking me out/off from what is happening here and actually express myself as fearless, as self-trust.

I do not need any psychedelic anymore to feel connection with all what is here or to realize/understand/experience(as realized it was not real, only a momentary mind-melting) and I can actually focus to accumulate becoming more aware of how things really work here on earth, the really important systems what are relevant to direct our every day living as the monetary, law, political, educational, media and other world- and regional systems.
I can enjoy myself and others yet not becoming obsessed with self-interest or if seeing such a pattern emerging which I am unsure about 'is it really self-honest?' - I can use the Writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-correction to commit myself to practically, really stop - thus accumulate self-will, self-direction, self-trust.
Within writing I am more and more comfortable to word myself, my experiences, my plans, my point of views - and within that slowing my mind to the degree to be able to see it, see myself, to understand who I am, what is my starting point, what consequences I participate within and thus be able to question and if required commit myself to stop.

I do not need energy more than feeding my body with healthy food and water and give proper rest within shelter and I realize that I would like to give the same for others what I've got: proper education on how things really work, how I can change myself, actually have access to healthy living, food, shelter - so from that perspective I do not live in the clouds, I see that most of the humans are literally abused, endlessly suffering slaves and those who have money, internet, salary and education are the ones who can stand up for all and the system does not have love, only it is an accumulation and conglomerate of all participants here.
I have realized the mistakes I've made within my journey of spiritual practices which I see now as part of the system and flawed yet I do not judge, I do not fear from it, just for myself it is unacceptable within self-honesty to participate within these as directly seeing/realizing/understanding how specifically, measurably, mathematically and physically the Self-forgiveness is incomparably more direct, powerful, self-honest and effective.

These 'realizations' I should and I do actually acknowledge - yet I do not feel 'arrived' - I am, we all are already here, just have to realize and take responsibility for it - as I was always here just I was mesmerized by my own mind consciousness within the delusion of 'free will'.
If free will would exist, then who is really choosing what is not best for all? Is that really freedom to not give what would like to receive?
Is that really freedom when due to deliberate choices manifested consequences will always return as equal as one as self? Is freedom could actually exist without equality?

I stopped the obsession with freedom - I can only be free from my own self-limitations and then realize that we are all within one common existence wherein consequences are always coming back equally for all.

There are so much things must be purified within myself which are still influencing, limiting me to prevent myself to walk Self-agreement and with an other and eventually to stand and live with all what is here within the consistent practical consideration of what is really best for all.

Also by walking this Self-purification I've came to the conclusion that the only really thing what matters is the physical here - it is a great con to be mesmerized with all the spiritual/religious and scientific theories of that the universe is illusion and atoms are of empty space mostly - even if we perceive so - where we are in our process within existence - the only thing remains is matter.

We are animated dust on earth and our life spirit is merely nothing, no more than an atomic breeze without an actual human physical body and also to really transcend we must first let go the mind, the consciousness to get into the physical to be one and equal with that - and then we will see - but until that we are really less than the physical here, currently the physical is god - whoever claims differently - should investigate and test it.
This is only me, I state it and I suggest it as with this starting point one can work with actual Self-realization - not with spiritual energies, ideas flying around in the mind but stick to Earth, grounded to use any realization to work with the human system, to actually see what abuse must be understood and stopped. And for that we must stand equal with all what is here and for that we must walk the purification from limitations, to stand as self-trust unwavering, undefined yet unlimited. This comes with accumulation, dedication, direction.

So this writing is that: to see where I came from, how I stand with the point and how I continue to gift myself with the more specific application of Self-forgiveness to never accept anything less than who I really am, which I did not yet seen though we all should not accept less than our utmost potential, which we not yet reached, this should be obvious now.

And for that I commit myself to walk this blog to support myself and others within the fact that the human can change with the right tool and principled living to become absolute self honest with self and all others equally.

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 08 Jun 2014, 19:12

Day 184
Continuing with the Principles
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl ... -self.html

[JTL Day 184] 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness
Continuing with my shared declaration of principle:
[ ]
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/05/jtl ... ng-my.html

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

I start with describing my typical daily activities when I am so to speak 'with myself'/'alone'.
I take a shower, I diswash, I take a bath, I walk on street, I travel with subway among many-many people, I work at my desk in the office, I go to toilet, I walk out to the store, I do shopping, I stand in a queue, I sit on a tram, I walk up the stairs, I clean the flat, hang out the clothes, I watch a video, I lie down to go to sleep.

I do these almost every day and within these moments it is only on me what it is I participate within my mind. In fact physically it is quite obvious what I want to do, of course I had to learn first with which metro I use to get to work but after some times it can happen quite automatically.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined freedom as being able to think, imagine, daydream about things while I am alone and doing things what are easy/obvious/automated.

And because of that I've literally became the habit of not being really, fully present within these situations.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined not having enough time to distinguish thinking/seeing through things and doing what I usually do alone so then I've came up with the idea of wanting to think/imagine/daydream about things while doing other things, especially when I am alone, or I am among others but what I do can do it even while thinking.

Back to the topic point - I've realized this is the opposite of freedom - in fact I am not present, I am not fully here, I am looping within, I am not pushing myself to express myself to the utmost potential within what I actually do because of a judgment about what I actually do.

So, what is the utmost potential to just 'diswash' all the time without thinking over many things meanwhile when to just wash the dishes is something what even a robot could do?

Within my process I've realized that the whole concept of thinking, as usually we, humans do it - is because of fear, lack of self-trust, lack of real, profound understanding.

Thinking about something can not bring anything new - it is the past evolving but it's always the same.

Also it is a relevant point that when something is not so pleasant to rather think about something cool which then makes me feel good - and in fact not changing reality here, but accepting as it is, leaving it for a moment and the next moment, and so on.

Each day I see the point of thinking would come up within me, when I am alone at home, when I am among strangers in the metro - and thinking about things I am not fully standing as equal as one with.

Within writing, investigating my accepted patterns in my mind and in my behavior - I see/realize/understand that these thinkings are always the same - there are several kind of thinking patterns what I repeat all the time - for the same reasons, every day, constantly.

These points within absolute Self-honesty I find unacceptable and I investigate and expand my practical understanding about what I actually do and what I actually think about and why.

First of all - the energetic state and reactions for thoughts - is like a 'virtual self' feeling which to I've became addicted and the ability to always 'return to that' became automatized, whenever I find physical reality uncomfortable or unpredictable about feeling alright/good or by actually feeling bad/painful to leave that into the mind, even for a moment or for a while.

This is quite a 'dangerous' permission to give because with words and my accepted reactions to words - I can re-define anything - even the meaning of 'comfortable' or 'good' - only remaining in and as my mind, not considering others, reality here.

Also when facing something what I have already defined myself about as 'fallen' and want to prevent - to think about it, to bring up all I know about it, to remember, to re-experience to understand more, to prepare myself for it - or to intensify, repeat or even suppress something what I've defined as preferable/avoidable based on the polarities I participate in the mind.

Even at moments just allowing reactions within the mind coming up randomly by looking at people and automatically judging them, 'nice shoes', 'ugly face', 'interesting scene', 'stinky old hobo', 'sexy body' and for those judgements then coming up another reactions, memories, worries, desires and then imagine about those - while just 'sitting on the bus' with staring eyes.

These are also unacceptable for me - within many years of investigations, research, actual cross-referencing I've came to the realization that when I am empty within my mind, so to speak 'dark', 'embracing', 'undefined', I can be fully here and experience directly - not defining what is here but allowing to be with the moment, not just as an observer, but actual equal and one participant, without experience of separation.

When diswashing, to experience my breath, my hands, the water, seeing the slight movements as I use the sponge, holding the dish, and just allow this moment to be simply here and not judge the diswashing, myself, nothing particular fears/desires are coming up in my mind - I am quite, in peace with myself in this moment and I am here.

When I need to consider about something - a job, a project, when having the concern about forgetting something - not to think about it in each minute within the 'fear' of "Oh I might forget if I do not think about it all the time", not worry of forgetting it - because being constantly busy in my mind with many other things, most of them are automatic, just triggered by experiences - so within that - forgetting, dismissing, being distracted is very possible.

But when I am empty, clear, present - the first point what stands out is that I stop forgetting things: when my mind is empty - I decide to remember something and not being busy, overwhelmed with hundreds of thoughts, going into these tube-like mind-experiences all the time - I can actually remember what I've decided to do.

One can say: I could set up an alarm to remind me - yes - but still - to be always present is such a gift we can give ourselves to, which cannot be really explained, just the whole experience of beingness is more whole, full, aware.

Sitting in metro and be with others - without thinking, just be here, seeing them, not judging, just experience my presence, the whole situation and not judging, yet participating, be completely open and vulnerable in each moment and trusting myself about whatever comes: I act accordingly with full of my beingness.

By walking the process of Self-forgiveness I've noticed these points emerging within me - when I am alone and doing things what I've defined previously as boring, automatic - I can be more and more present within comfortability yet it is not automatic - and further stabilizing my presence and see what points are coming up in my mind - those are the points I work on - as of fear, as of doubt, as of not fully understanding here to the degree of practical solutions.

I write down all and I commit myself to stop participate within the fear that I can not do one thing at a time fully and for that I want to go into my mind instead of remain here and find out actual solutions.

I understand that there are judgements thus perceived separations within my approach which blocks me fully experience what is going on here, because of the tendency of being a mind-person, not trusting my physical expression absolutely, only with the energetic reactions to judgments, opinions to virtually make the experience whole.

My strides become more stable, my presence becomes more consistent, my stability becomes less and less conditional and accumulating something what remains here as myself. This is undeniable now. And for me, as a person who was constantly daydreaming before, if for me it is possible to walk the process of quieting my mind, to let go the constant escapism, then others can walk this process as well.

Because within being present, here, I can become really effective with dealing things in this reality - and that is required for heading on to actual systems what are directing our lives, being responsible for preventing human rights, practical equality to be available for all and it is the first step to be comfortable, quiet and directive with myself to be able to open and use common sense with others, the system.

It may start with past issues coming up, due to the stopping of constant occupation and distraction of thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/images - I start to remember what I've decided some time ago, I see how much I give my power away by focusing to parts of my reality and forgetting the whole picture.

I see more clearly that how my mind, the thoughts, reactions, judgements, definitions, rules of my personality programs are constantly busy - even when I see myself as much-more quiet - it can be very surprising to slow down within to the degree to see the slightest judgements - which I've allowed myself to completely accept without question and without the actual understanding of how limiting this is. For that writing regularly assists me to see as much as possible patterns within my mind and actions and always cross-reference, specify and push.

Also I notice quite odd things, for instance at the office I go to the kitchen area for water and I count my steps, it takes 34 steps to get there - and then I walk back and count it again - without problem, without particular 'focus' - just I walk, I am here, it really feels like a superhero ability or similar when I was on drugs - just it is myself, naturally, and I can decide and direct it, in fact becomes my natural expression.

I can not foresee the utmost potential within Self-awareness - hereby I commit myself to walk the process of Self-forgiveness to stop all mind-occupations, but it is obvious that this changing is much more 'myself' that I ever experienced/defined myself to be, so it is common sense and the point of Self-honesty to principle myself within Self-awareness of what I participate in the mind and what I actually do here in reality.

It is also related to the word 'unknown', as literally not knowing myself and what is here - and with my mind trying to figure out and never realizing that the very fact is that I do not yet know myself because only using the mind for knowing, the thinking, the feeling, the reaction, the emotion, the memory, the judgement, the polarity, the desire, the fear - and who I really am and can be is not yet known and I can be only Self-aware if I stop participate in this mind.

I forgive myself that I have not seen/realized/understood the auto-categorizing within myself - thus the becoming polarity from unknown to known and then used thinking/judging/defining to trust memory, judgment, experience instead of Self here.

Unknown redefinition: When I realize I fear from not knowing - I commit myself to trust myself and slow down within and remain physical, present, breathing and make sure I remain undefined as I face and 'deal' and express what I do not know yet - myself and thus I explore myself as practical knowledge here and if required I change.

With Self-forgiveness(this link is a throughout guide for what it actually means and how to apply) I see what I already accepted and allowed by seeing what I actually participate within here by investigating and specifying and questioning further until it is clear, it is known, no thought is required, no reaction would apparently 'give' but it would 'distract' from here - then I can be fully here and actually for the first time be aware of what I do, what is here.

So, instead of approaching the unknown with emotion, I OWN it - and then make the unknown KNOWN by doing research / investigation - which is the Process of Self-forgiveness.

This is the point what I bring up about the point of Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 10 Jun 2014, 01:29

Day 185
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl ... -time.html

Seeing that beyond stopping the actual change must be specific and what limitations I face within that

[JTL Day 185] Self-forgiveness: Time, Agreement, Practicality

[ ] So, I see how I was busy on focusing on stopping myself and remembering to stop myself when I get busy in the mind and recently facing the fact that I was preparing myself to change from quite some time and I am really stopping I start to realize, actual change, re-creation I do not yet practically walk within my writings, and thus in real time-space thus I start to expand on this practicality with Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energies in regards to points what I was not sure - thus not directing myself accordingly, within specificity, but being moved by reactions, being reacted by definitions, being stopped by fear instead of standing up to each and every single points and in the moment let go the fear, see the information holding onto and forgive, let go, and commit and act the change directly and then going to the next point to sort that out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed about the defined quantity of points I am not directing myself within towards and then defining it will take time, it will go slowly and thus not stopping each in each moment because defining something as more important by myself instead of sorting these points out first.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the self-defined priority wanting to focus to things what are not as important as self-dishonesties to correct immediately within the fear of it would take too much time and thus accepting those for long time influencing me instead of taking the time, whatever it takes and sort it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from re-aligning within self-honesty about a point would take too much time, and currently being busy and defined myself to want to do things thus not sorting out the points and allowing multiple points of self-dishonesties manifest within me to the point of losing presence, but popping attention from one self-accepted point to an other without walking and forgiving and correcting any within the fear of not having enouth time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my calmness as who I am and wanting to keep that instead of facing points within me because defined this calmness as good and preferable instead of being faced with points what I react to and by that reaction in fact accumulating the losing of this calmness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that fearing from losing calmness and fearing to face points what coming up within me because of defining nervousness and frustration as avoidable and never considering the common sense of sorting out these points as emerge instead of allowing them to remain within and as my beingness and accumulate to the point of losing presence, calmness, just as I've defined myself in the relationship of fear of loss of calmness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to determine and define my state of mind instead of not focusing attention to my mind only to the point of seeing what I am doing within it to correct and thus be comfortable to remain stable when facing my mind because of the direction with what I use it to sort out the relationships what are self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having time as more important than sorting out self-accepted self-manifested self-dishonesty within my behavior and using as a justification to not need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to how I feel and disregard what is here, what I speak with somebody when I have the feelings/emotions and then use the feelings to influence, shape my perception and reaction towarsd the another person, even to the degree of not hearing the other here, not hearing myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry of agreeing in something with my partner what I would only do for her not feeling bad and only when already seeing her feeling bad, reacting bad, sad, nervous, frustrated, off-present and then defining that as something what makes me feel nervous, frustrated, off-present-sad and to stop my feelings agreeing with her just to stop my and then her frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not specifically, directly, clinically seeing the points what we try to agree about - and using common sense and the equality and oneness and the principle of giving what I would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to have come to an agreement with the points with my partner, with anyone because that would bring up the points I am not yet principled and fear from conflict not being able to resolve, fear from facing who I really am accepting myself about that point and fear from letting go the self-dishonesty I accept within myself about that point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go a point of self-dishonesty within me by agreeing within principled living to a degree of not even seeing that point, not even being aware of that point, just the automated resistances, reactions to face/change it and only care and focus to that reaction and thus being overwhelmed with the accepted/triggered frustration/uncomfortability and just wanting to stop that.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go all what I see/experience/feel in and as my mind by establishing an agreement with someone and having projectons/blames/worries about the agreement as an extra point coming up, in fact unrelated to that point but another worry coming up and not being able to remain focused to that specific, firstly chosen point to agree on how to stop the dishonesties about in practiaclity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump around the same worry/concerning points about establishing an agreement by -when hearing or facing the practical point of agreement -, always feeling all the worries I am accepting about all the points without actually seeing those, without actually being aware what exactly I do within fighting for my limitation to be able to exactly see what I need to stop and figure out how.

I commit myself to not just write self-forgiveness on deciding to use the tools within writing, but actually in writing to prepare what I am going to do - scripting up the solution literally before facing it - thus continue with my decision and the common sense within actual time-space to support me and others in my reality.

I commit myself to STOP the worry on agreeing on something what I am not absolutely sure about it and realizing what I agree with someone does not have to be 'eternal' - just for a while until our agreement stands - and I commit myself to worry of letting 'backdoor' within my commitment about when I would feel uncomfortable by giving into the temptation of wanting exit and realizing it is about self-honesty and practically live self-support for all participants, not roman law and I can even enjoy it to actually pushing my limits and keeping and living my words.

So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Postby jozsef » 12 Jun 2014, 23:13

Day 186
http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl ... inity.html
Exploring why allowing uncertainty to really decide and stand - in relation to infinity towards agreement

[JTL Day 186] Facing reactions to Infinity
[ ] I continue where I've stopped last time:

http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl ... -time.html

"So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.


Let's walk the explore of self-acceptance first:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic reactions towards specific words which to I've defined relationship to emerge automatically and never questioning/seeing/realizing how and why I create myself such way and within that in fact not taking responsibility for what I accept myself to be and express and thus not be aware of the consequences of my actions as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a problem with the word 'infinity', 'eternal' as in fact trying to imagine it with my mind but seeing that within my mind I always change, I have in fact no reference for such word thus defining it this already emerging reaction of 'ungraspable, uncertain, unthinkable' and for that as 'unstable, unpredictable, ambigous' and for those words allowing instability within me and then wanting to equate that feeling, that energetic experience with some sort of stability experience and never realizing that what I experience, what in fact I can experience can not be infinity, especially with considering the fact that experience always come and go - thus within all this creating a resonant doubt, worry within me when considering certain points within my life in regards to 'standing or planning or considering' infinity, eternity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the programes within my reactions always concluding with the same result in regards to the words 'infinity', 'eternity' and never considering that it is something what is already self-accepted and never questioned and never even considered to change within me as taking granted all what I've experienced, defined, reacted before as who I've defined myself to be and never realizing that I constantly generate reaction, friction about these words because there are points within me with what I see that I do not stand as equals thus fearing from remaining this way to 'infinity' reacting with worry, anxiousness as not wanting to exist within such friction for ever and within that not slowing down and applying self-honesty to my self-accepted word-reactions to the common sense that I can change specifically with what I create friction with in my mind and explore what I can LIVE in physical reality with what starting point to prevent myself creating friction within me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense of for preventing friction, conflict within me I must know what I am within and also I also must understand how facts are in this world and what is the difference and what is the 'surface' of conflict with what specific words, what specific actions triggering energies within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear existing for infinity, eternity as who and how I am today because exactly seeing that I am living in conflict, friction, what would be really unacceptable for ever and when seeing this point, as imagining compressing time and multiplying the very conflicts today I accept, then I have worry, more friction and doubt and within that not allowing myself to really understand this, the conditions, circumstances, consequences and realize the solution to stop, change myself in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity as myself floating in endless space and imagining creations, realities to participate within and while reacting and existing in this mind consciousness and believing that for really-long term it is just a simulation and virtualization and imagining myself within this endless, timeless, spaceless substance and considering my current life to that kind of 'perceived' experience, and then reacting with a motivation to better myself and change myself to try to transcend all here and as soon as possible experience myself into spaceless, limitless, timeless, infinite eternal beingness and never considering this as only an image and also this I imagine only for a specific mind-reaction and never questioning what is it and when specifically I image it and thus happening automatically without my direction.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity and eternity with repetition and emptiness, not realizing that within the mind these words can not be really grasped - only within actual direct REAL physical I can LIVE infinity and eternity thus whenever I define/imagine/think about it - it is not real, it is not me, so I realize the necessity to stop defining, start purifying the reactions and imaginations about it based on polarity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I can assist and support myself with the words infinity and eternity with actually see what I do and accept myself existing within and without in regards to a point, a word and asking myself that "Can I accept myself as who I am today within Self-honesty through infinity?"

And if no, then I see what I require to change, specifically what I do requite to live out as change towards accepting myself as this point, in fact as decomposing this self-accepted relationship through thoughts/feelings/emotions and letting go these completely.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to walk the Process of Self-realization, Self-purification, Self-forgiveness, the Unification of Self I am comfortable with to walk within infinity as realizing this is who I am, yet with certain points, within my practical living I have the reaction and the worry about infinity as not wanting to remain so as I accept myself to be or not wanting to take responsibility for what I currently do for ever and thus realizing this reaction within me is actually assisting me to see what exactly I have separated myself from and what I must stop react to and live the correction as realizing that all I do is Self and all I participate within is in fact the Process of me as all as equal as one as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making decisions, especially when those are influencing other beings, because of the point of infinity, because of the worry of manifesting consequences for infinity and reacting with uncertainty and within that experience, allowing myself to become this experience instead of realizing the solution to see what it must be changed within me and then assist and support myself to plan and actually LIVE it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that facing a point within my life what for I do not want or feeling as can not take responsibility for is in fact already a participation with physical consequence and if I allow myself to always, repeatedly, constantly go into reaction and defining myself as this reaction of 'feeling can't take responsibility or even if wanting fearing from falling', instead of seeing what practically this responsibility means and within common sense see what I can do and in fact what I really want and face that decision and live it within certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for being able to make final decisions, to strive to find myself the way that I can decide what to do and what to take responsibility for in a way what I do not change my mind about and then allowing this becoming a desire instead of a practical plan and thus separating an image and likeness of me and actual facts here and thus giving my mind permission to perceive myself more and more separated from reality, in fact myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have manifested a polarity within me about the word 'infinity' as having a desire for it with certain things and also having a fear from it with certain things and thus never standing as equal as one but always in relationship with points what I am not standing within equality and oneness but separate from me and never realizing the solution to stop participate within each and live that stopping, expressing myself as direct clarity and if seeing currently not being able then investigating why and how to be able and live that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined as fearful to chose a partner for 'infinity', meaning standing unconditionally with my decision, with my partner because of not being sure of my decision about her, not being sure about me, not being sure at all and never considering to walk the process for certainty but always accepting this reaction of 'not wanting to commit myself to' and within that in fact 'can not be able' and still 'wanting to' and thus creating friction and compounding reactions instead of stopping.

okay, more specifying will come

Live hangout about Self forgiveness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYGBxrQxGBg

And about Self-correction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0tF1IdRmJY


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