Dan's Journey to Life

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Daniel
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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 18 Aug 2014, 05:40

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/d ... ntial.html

Day 393 - Realizing My Utmost Potential: Seize Moments of Opportunity


Never again will I wait and hope for opportunity to embrace me.


The eighth vow of success as written in Og Mandino's book titled The Greatest Salesman in the World, Part II: The End of the Story. I just read this "scroll" tonight for the first time, and it resonated with me in a very important way. Most of my life, I've been fortunate and had access to most earthly pleasures. I felt special. My world was filled with opportunities, and it was relatively effortless to move myself in the direction that best suited me. Opportunities came knocking, and all I had to do was say yes or no. For the first time in my life, opportunities are not overtly coming to me as they had in my past. Going with the flow is no longer a viable option.

Now it is my turn to go knocking on opportunity's door. I am now responsible for recognizing potential, AND doing the hard work to create success from opportunity. This is the key take away I received from my reading tonight. Moving myself and taking the initiative in life is personally an underdeveloped skill. I hadn't need it in my passive approach to seizing blatantly obvious opportunities that would serve my best interests. No longer flowing down that easy river of predetermined direction that I called life, I now must lead myself in and as life to create my/life's utmost potential. The commitment to consider all as equals, as life, as one, as myself is a real game changer! I stand. I take on this challenge. I commit myself to finding and creating opportunities that are conclusive solutions in supporting what is best for all life.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is my responsibility to put forth serious effort in transforming opportunity into value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my past living and lifestyle of going with the flow, of zombie-like decision making, of waiting for success to find me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will always be taken care of by the universe because I am special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more special than other people in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel entitled to comfortable living.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that without taking the initiative to lead and create my life in specificity, I am not really living at all. To follow the automated living of consciousness is hardly living. I realize that if I am going to manifest my highest potential of myself and so contribute to manifesting the highest potential of humanity, I MUST MOVE.

Inertia.

What a great word to investigate! Join me tomorrow for my philosophical reflection here.



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 19 Aug 2014, 06:33

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/d ... -self.html

Day 394 - Inertia of Self

Inertia: (physics) the tendency of a body to maintain its state of rest or uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force

I have been a body at rest. Life has thrown at me a myriad of impulses (external forces) that have moved me in a multitude of directions. The impulses that I accept and allow most, become the direction in which I most travel. Inertia.

Fascinating! My force within me has hardly been expressing. This force, this initiative force that comes from within me, not an external force, is a force that I must actively create and strengthen. It starts small and while I'm still within the storm of velocities that I'm traveling as a consequence of external influences that I took on. So, firstly, this inner force must be directed at understanding itself, myself. Knowing who I am as this inner force will require practice, testing and living. I no longer allow myself as a victim of inertia.

I create or allow movement. I am a being subject to inertia. I must see, realize and understand my velocities, or directions in which my personality has developed and so guides me currently. My current speed and direction that shapes my life path must be stopped if I am to create a new velocity for my life. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see this dynamic of how I am a product of my past, traveling down my life path with not even an ounce of 'free will'. I commit myself to create movement as a manifested stopping power for my pre-existing state of inertia. I commit myself to create myself as manifested movement in the direction that supports what is best for all.

Desteni has a very specifically created direction. The Desteni material was an external force unlike most of the others. It forced me to look at myself with Self-honesty, and for the first time I began recognizing my own inertia. I still have sooo much inertia that continues to move and create within the self-interest & survival principles. But now that I'm a Destonian, I have an understanding of my own inertia and my capacity to change it.

I'm not condemned to the direction my life was headed before I started investigating the Desteni material. I understand and see my Self-Directive, Principled Living Potential. Now I am continually faced with the awareness of my current movement and state of inertia. Now, I have the choice to be self-honest and direct myself according to what will create best for all outcomes for life.

Life has an inertia to it. It's unstoppable. The programmed mind also has an inertia quality to it, but it's much more easily stopped. It's just a program. I, as an internal and principled Life-Force, am able to direct effort toward rewriting the program. It's just an educated choice.

It's easy to remain inert, but at death...you don't want to look back and see that you were merely a creation of inertia. You want to look back and see the inertia you've created.


Start educating yourself. Investigate everything. Give yourself the choice to express as life. Best. Gift. Ever.

desteni.org



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 30 Aug 2014, 06:02

Day 395 - Remember the System Demon Portal Interviews?

Desteni Portal - System Demons (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... httKZbLY3i)
This is a YouTube Playlist of the 32 different demons that came through the portal in 2011-2012

--

It's been too long since I've watched these! I can't even be sure that I've watched them all. This post is just to emphasize how supportive these interviews are, still today! I'll continue from this post expanding on specific System Demons, how they exist in my life, and how I will support myself to remove them.



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 02 Sep 2014, 04:01

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/09/d ... sions.html

Day 396 - Why Do I Make Rushed Decisions?

I have a propensity to want to take the fast route, and this is because I've trained myself over the years to do so based on obtaining desires and avoiding fears, namely Self-interest. This training of myself was a process of automating my decisions, so I wouldn't have to put in the effort of discernment when a similar situation arose in the future.

That's a really important insight. congruent

Now recognizing that this decision automation phenomenon works based on the assumption that similar situations that may or may not happen in the future are essentially, exactly the same. Sometimes the past and future situations may be so overwhelmingly similar that we confidently label them "the same," but this experience would primarily serve to reinforce/solidify the misconception that "similar = same." I'd like to propose that this may even be the source of all conflict in the world.

Solution: Slow down the decision processes to nearly the speed of initial learning/integration, allowing us the space and time to bring multiple dimensions into consideration. To have a clean slate going into a decision process, versus utilizing my brain's preprogrammed decisions that really only function according to one or a few dimensions at most. Therefore, creating new mind-programs for the sake of easy decision making in the future is really an obsolete use of the mind. It follows that I can no longer run from the "effort of discernment." I must embrace it.

For as I apply myself more and more in this moment to moment decision making, the process itself will become easier as would anything that is practiced. As the saying goes, 10,000 hours of decision making within here-moments of comprehensive consideration, and I'll be a master decider! :)

I conclude that trying to avoid the "effort of discernment" only perpetuates, if not strengthens, the perception of difficulty within making decisions without preconceptions. I now commit myself to practice making more real-time, moment to moment decisions.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've automated most of my decision making processes based on what best served me, as a mind, within my past experiences.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive and trust that I am "knowing" because I've had multiple accounts of success while applying my self-pre-programmed decision processes throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the value of putting forth a fresh, unbiased perspective when facing a moment of deciding something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown, as a central, subconscious justification for collecting knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to circumvent the effort of discernment by accumulating enough knowledge and information that I can trust will guide me through life successfully by allowing (old) knowledge and information to, in essence, make my decisions for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from knowledge and information through attempting to collect, gather and store as much potentially-some-day relevant information as I can to free myself from the responsibility and consequences of making decisions myself.

Wooooooooooooo. That's a doozy. *Breathes in*

*Breathes out*

Continuing:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superiorize my self-concept based on the amount and quality of the knowledge and information that I possess, quality being determined by the number of experiences of success and being 'right' when employing it.

I believe that it is I who is right, when clearly it was the information that was correct. And practically by luck of the draw, my opinion aligned with fact, and my ego soaks that moment up to create myself within the Arrogant Character. What's really interesting is how the decision to apply past information was really me. The decision was actually made by me, as the mind, as the knowledge and information itself. Goes to show why I would fight tooth and nail to prove I am right...Because I believe that I am the mind/information.

Wow, perception is powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the information that I've gathered throughout my life experience.

And, I forgive myself for not accepted and allowing myself to realize how I've created and allowed my mind to automate my decisions and guide me through life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue protecting and defending myself as the mind, as information, and I now commit myself to reconsider everything.

I commit myself to flag-point my quick decisions to serve as a reminder that I may be in energy and of mind within the decision. Action plan: Check-in with self, and assess the starting point of the decision. If there is any memory, belief system or a dated mental construct, SLOW DOWN. Strive to bring more into consideration than what feels natural. Breathe.

I realize that decision making will become easier again. Understanding Self-honesty conceptually is a whole other thing from applying/living it. My self-interested, automated and pre-programed decision making within my mind consciousness system needs to be debugged. I have to recode and restructure how I make decisions...one decision at a time.

More on this to come!



Notes for further expansions:
- Impatience Character
- Trust in pre-existing knowledge
- Resisting responsibility
- Opinion as self-defining
- Parkour Philosophy
- Ego-death resistances



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 18 Oct 2014, 04:42

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/10/d ... -post.html

Day 397 - Finishing a post
I commit myself to finish this post.

I have a long-standing behavioral pattern of starting lots of little projects and not finishing them. For example, I've now got 4 draft posts starting with "Day 397 - ..." Some of them have have only a sentence; others have enough content to be published.

An important question = WHY?! Why am I doing this? There are several angles to take on it, so I'm going to methodically work through them.

1) Trying to blog about too many angles of a particular topic. This is what happened last time, and what I am now at risk of doing, but this time, I'm committed to finishing. When unexpected angles, dimensions, facets, factors, etc. come into play, suddenly the whole idea of the plan can become shaky. It's like the mind is driven to reach a goal within a rigid plan, and as soon as things aren't going as expected, then the drive vanishes and the beginning never meets the end.

2) Nurture. It's far too easy to just blame my parents, but I can see similarities in myself and the way I approach projects and various activities in life. I could go on to make comparisons, but that's not direction that I'd like to take my writing. The key within this is to recognize the similarities between Self and parents/whomever, write and expand our understanding about the strengths and weaknesses, and then TAKE RESPONSIBILITY to leverage our strengths and strengthen our weaknesses.

3) Focus. I have 11 tabs open in my browser, not including this one or the other 220 I have stored in my OneTab extension. Like I said, I have an issue with finishing what I start. Fret not! I've got this point in my sights and I'm not backing away. To stay focused is simple (see the first 7 words in the post). And if that fails, investigate what went wrong, and start again with a fresh commitment. Why is this so powerful? Because Self has all the power, unless you give it away through accepting and allowing mental programs to drive your thoughts and so your Self.

4) Prioritization. Without it, we can cast our vision too wide and quickly become overwhelmed by it all. My relationship with the sensation of overwhelmingness has typically been avoidance. As soon as things become "too much," I turn in the other direction. So, "too many responsibilities to do right now" = avoid all responsibility and find bliss in a game of Sudoku. It hurts to write. Self-Honesty is easy, said no one ever. Solution = orient to only the top priority and go for it. If a higher priority comes up, then focus every fiber of your being on that task until it's done so that you may return to the highest priority you were previously working on.

5) Habit. Procrastination is not just something to take pride or shame in. It's also a habituated behavior. The mental pathways that lead to this behavior over and over again become favored in specific situations. Throughout my school years. I did what I wanted to do after school, and I did my homework (sometimes very) late into the night. This was my preference, and whatever the negative consequences were, I simply wrote them off for years on end. Now, the pattern is basically the same, except now, I've got a new starting point: Do what is best for all. So, it's not just me considering me anymore. To build my future and create significant value for others, I need to shed this habit. How? Self-forgiveness and corrected application commitments...work damn well.


Wrapping it up: I realize now that I don't have to have the perfect post...

6) Perfectionism. Almost forgot it. I've intentionally left the above line to show my willingness to no longer trouble myself with the impossible goal of perfection defined in comparison with the ideal. This haughty goal takes a lot of energy and has gone on too long. Enough! The correction is in realizing that what I've written so far is already perfect within the process of perfection. Meaning, it doesn't have to be perfect now, but through continually applying myself and adjusting things as I go along, I will ultimately get as close as I can to perfection. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is living to your highest potential.


It is important to realize that forward movement is essential to becoming a success in any endeavor. Trying to reach perfection in one fell swoop and giving up if any obstacle comes up is a recipe for regret. Practice the writing and Self-honesty (@DIPlite). Move within imperfection while striving for a well defined outcome, and be ready to parkour any obstacles that stand in your way. Be ready for anything. Focus on the outcome you want, and focus on the solution when problems arise.

Creation is a movement and it doesn't always go as planned. Expect the unexpected and move like water.



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 04 Nov 2014, 05:57

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/11/d ... ainty.html

Day 398 - The 'Creation through Certainty' Character

I have created a character that allows me to feel comfortable in knowing that I am on track, and because I'm on track, I don't really need to exert myself. I'm going to call it "The Universe will take care of me" character. This stems from having a comfortable and privileged upbringing. My parents did a good job nourishing me and increasing my capacity to take on great challenges, but I didn't have a whole lot of practice taking on challenges. This probably connects to that feeling of anxious ambition that I have identified with for most of my life.

Now, I'm not completely spoiled nor unwilling to work. I like to envision and create some pretty cool stuff, but I haven't had many serious applications of this. I would create little, fun projects that yielded a sense of pride. For example, when I was in elementary school, about 9 years old, I saw a roll of raffle tickets in the store one day and realized that I could run my own raffle to make money! I sold several tickets to some of my school friends before I got sent in to the principal's office.

The the underlying point is: I've had lots of creative experience with ventures that were relatively easy. I could see the start through to the finish, and the amount of effort required by me was unmistakable. This way, I had enough overall certainty to determine that I would succeed before I started...

Here is where I messed up. I liked the certainty so much that it became the primary way through which I initiated creation. And that's the problem I did not foresee from the vantage point of youthful ignorance. Whether or not I could have is irrelevant because there's only one reality here, and that's what I have to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how creating within the confines of certainty is vastly limited in scope.

And I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I had created this habit for my creation process, and so have vastly limited myself and my potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear uncertainty, risk, and loss.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be okay with loss.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to welcome uncertainty and risk into my life so that I may challenge myself to ask the relevant questions and make decisions of greater magnitude without fear, but instead with common sense.

Here we go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe fear to be valid within my decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by fear energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create thoughts and backchat within fear, and then accept this inner voice/perspective as valid, and at that, more valid than any other perspective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to substantiate my fear-spawned beliefs and opinions by acting and moving within them.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that with common sense discernment, I can make significantly better decisions in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully embody the realization that I can stop any energy - thought, feeling or emotion - that comes up within me in reaction to any specific circumstances. Breathe. Release. Forgive. Let it go.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the energies+thoughts that come up within me automatically, are self-creations of the past that must be updated.

I created me through the vastly limited perspective of my youth. I created me through an incomplete picture of reality. I created me in consideration of only my own interests: desires and fears.

I now commit myself to creating and recreating myself within expanding awareness of Self and All.

That's huge! The criteria with which I create myself is continually changing with expanding awareness. There's the full circle key insight. All my creations, external and within, were based on known certainties of the past. They were all neatly packaged up and ready to be executed. If something went wrong...I'd just abandon the mission. Remember how I mentioned only being comfortable with uncertainty and risk when the stakes were low? If the stakes were high, and abandoning the mission were not an option...

...I simply wouldn't try.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the end of the road, being left with no options, no alternatives, falling into the darkness of the unknown. It feels like death, or at least has a strong connection to the fear of death point.

Transmutation of perspective: There is always a way. Where there is a will, there is a way, as my dad would often say. (Why didn't I orient to this from the beginning?... I was lacking the will.)

Parkour Philosophy agrees. When there appears to be no path, keep looking. Regardless of if it truly is a dead end, real-time, solution-oriented focus is unyielding and may even become stronger.

This is my resolve.

I commit myself to breathe some life into my process.
I commit myself to persist with solution-oriented living.
I commit myself to create without fear of failure.
I commit myself to bring serious effort into all my pursuits.



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 13 Dec 2014, 00:05

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/d ... nship.html

I am quickly approaching the one year mark of living with my agreement partner. The past three weeks have been pivotal for me in realizing who I have become since moving in with my life partner, and who I want to be as a self-lead individual, acting to create that which is best for all within common sense.

We had little break for a weekend, and this space and time served as an opportune moment for me to reflect on who I have become. We have been constantly falling into the age-old pattern blaming each other as the problem and source of disharmony in our lives. Why would I continue unchanged when I see that the real problem is how I perceive and approach conflict in my life? Why am I here in this pattern? What happened to how I used to be?

I used to have this inner drive to excel and create, mind you, this drive is not free of energy. The desire for superiority, for praise and pride, for power, for longevity, for immortality through lasting creation, all of this contributed to the energetic personality that I specifically structured in my younger years.

That, I had to protect. Those false priorities of narrow and self-interested mind...they held my inner drive for excellence together. They comprised a very intimate sense of self. Before beginning my agreement-relationship, I was not fully ready to take on these dimensions of character. I was preserving them, and justifying how they can still exist in alignment with Desteni / best for all living. Living in close proximity with another process walker is an outstanding amplifier of self-honesty.

And because neither of us have walked this process of creating a comprehensive set of living agreements from which we define and shape our lives, individually and together, neither of us had an overwhelming quality of grace when trying to support the other to see themselves self-honestly. Lots of finger pointing, and disgruntled nights. It was uncomfortable for both of us. Reminding myself how the squabbling and reactive fights are revealing the mind's dominion of my vocal chords, and reminding myself of the end-picture, the potential that I know we will create together, is how I remained stable through the dark hours of the mind. It's only energy, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow it to sabotage a physical potential for authentic love.

--

What have I come to realize? I'll share that tomorrow.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to protect my self-dishonest nature of self as the desires for greatness, immortality through the creations that will outlast my lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fixate on manifesting moments with others in which I will feel praised, so that I can feel proud within the self-concept construct of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that who I believe myself to be is not who I am physically, and within this, for not realizing that who I am physically (in writing, in the spoken word, in action) is all that truly matters in the grand scheme of life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really let go of who I am as the mind, as the self-concept, as the person I desire to be reassured by my external reality, of who I fear I'm not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the solution of covering up my own fears. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that hiding my fears is but a bandage bound to fall off.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, understand and ACT within the ultimate solution as facing all of myself within self-honesty, to dispel the illusion of grandeur, to forgive the fears, and to create lasting, best for all solutions that will stand into eternity.

And,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually blame my external world and the people in it when life isn't handing me ego-validation on a silver platter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take this journey to life for granted, and within that, for taking my agreement partnership for granted.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've been taking these processes for granted by attempting to perpetuate constructs that support me as the mind, as my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project how I want the world to be and how I want others in my world to be and be toward me, onto the physical reality, and to not see how this is a serious force creating conflict in my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the physical first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run within the energies of the mind that pop up so nice and automatically for me...from me.


Thank you, my precious ego. You're prior ideas about the world and yourself in it are no longer of service.

Thank you, my dearest breathing body, for sticking with me through this horrible abuse that my ego perpetuates. I promise to diligently work through all the layers of dishonesty and bring myself home to the physical. I can, and I will.



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 03 Jan 2015, 17:50

http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/d ... nship.html

Day 400 - Self-Leadership in a Relationship, Part 2

The key insight for the success of a relationship:

Reorienting Self to Self

I got stuck in a subtle, long-term possession of sorts. Moving across the country to live with this lady person wasn't the plan. Two weeks later, it was. I prepared to leave my family over the next 5 months, and when the time came, I was in a completely new environment. Granted, I have had a lot of practice with this when in college. Each year I picked a new place to live and embraced the randomness of Craigslist to assign my housemates. Each year, I adapted, and in doing so, I significantly created myself based on who I was living with. My operating philosophy at the time: In order to be successful in the future, I needed to be able to handle myself in any living environment. I saw it as a challenge and a practice in flexibility; however, I didn't realize how much I was compromising myself by creating my character to be at the whim of my world. Perhaps I promoted harmony, but I didn't stand as the director of my reality.

Now, living with my LP, we're committed to becoming the directive principle of our lives in alignment with what is best for all. That's not an overnight process. Closer to 7 years. Walking with another process walker, we are constantly facing our minds, day-in and day-out. It's safe to say that this is far from the easy, go-with-the-flow style of living that I had been operating within most of my life. This has been far more real, far more challenging, and unquestionably more rewarding.

So what is really the difference? How I had learned to live was primarily through self-interest, meaning that I would dynamically alter my expression: thoughts, words & deeds, to get from life that which I wanted. The scope of my consideration was narrowly what I saw would best suit me. I enjoyed laughing and getting along with people, so one of my favorite characters was a humor-oriented personality. There is also a fear energy of not being accepted by others, so I was kind of hitting two birds with one stone. I had no idea how I was using my mind to create these well-adapted characters, nor did I have any idea of the consequences.

Creating harmony-producing characters is simply not working anymore. Those personalities function on a more surface level. My LP and I are committed to going deep, sorting out the false personalities, and getting to know the real Self here. This task is much more involved than creating a temporary personality, and this means it's not going to be all pretty and lovely-dovey all the time. The friction and conflict between us is much like tilling the earth for the next season of growth. This can be most uncomfortable! We're drudging up many of our personal 'truths', the ways which we've accepted and defined the world to be. But Hey, it's a new year, and they say the first year of an agreement relationship is the hardest.

I have already begun to see how we're shifting from 'fighting for our limitations' - which is how we say: fighting to be right or to protect our existing 'knowledge' - and into understanding each other, accepting each other, and moving to firstly change self. Letting go of her in a way, frees me up to focus on myself and my process through the mind. One of the most supportive tools I've been focusing on developing is: Listening. More on that to come.

There are plenty more tools to define and use, and I'll make a more sincere effort to begin sharing them with you here. Writing is so incredibly essential if you want to move forward into/as life. The mind will play games to no end if you let it. The coolest part about being in an agreement is that neither of us will let it happen to either of us. There is no question in my mind whether moving across the country was worth it or not. My life partner and I are going to Garb-Dan the world together :)



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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 14 Apr 2015, 05:49

Day 401 - (I'm back!) Good Fortune Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brag about being in this sleep study to everyone I message on Facebook while using this iPad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become excited about being fortunate and afforded the opportunity to participate in this sleep study, and within this, for accepting and allowing myself to attribute this excitement to my ego in making it personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself hold value in and create value in my circumstances which affect me in a positive way, especially when others do not have the same experience. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thrive within myself in separation as ego when others are or become jealous of me, my situation, or circumstance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and believe myself to be inferior and/or at a disadvantage to others around me, and so make attempts to position myself as superior or special by way of fortunate circumstance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself as life, as my breath, and as my physical body, through which I only yearn for what is best for all, and as such, interact only in ways which are most supportive for each individuals with whom I come in contact.

I commit myself to stop attributing good fortune to myself personally.

I commit myself to stop believing that I am special because of my fortunate experiences.

I commit myself to humble myself when provided for by circumstances within and throughout my life.

I commit myself to accept and allow myself to take full responsibility for the circumstances in my life, which I create through my decisions.

On that note,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all my circumstances are by way of my decisions, and that this implies that I am never separate from the responsibility of creating my world and the fortunate or unfortunate experiences and circumstances in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the fortunes that I experience in my life - and then use it, as ego, to define myself in separation of others - and from here believing that I am special or greater than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not special or destined for greatness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately poise myself as special and greater than others to try to convince myself and others that I am great and destined for greatness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to compensate my fears by forcing the illusion of the polar opposite within my mind and in my outside world to attempt reaffirm the illusion and self-deception I have within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conceal fear through intensionally creating external consequences for the sole purpose of strengthening the illusion of the opposite of the fear that I've created within and am still holding on to.

When and as I see myself strengthening my stance of ego when interacting with another, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I do this because I am adding a layer of protection to a fear or insecurity that I have been holding onto for most of my life. I commit myself to stop protecting my fears by trying to fight, force, and advocate for the polar opposite of a specific fear in a rash attempt to prove to myself that I am not this fear.

I commit myself to track down the fear that I was trying to dismantle through polarized energy, and open the point up in writing so as not to allow my mind to be the principal director of this fear removal process.

I commit myself to walk the self forgiveness process in writing to delete the power that I have given to a specific fear to the best of my ability at my current perspective in my process.

...damn, and here's the point that's largely held me back from blogging:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my process writing is not acceptable as perfection, and through this allow my inner critic to project a moment of self-judgment into the future - in this not realizing this as the purely self-sabotaging system of mind that this is - and choose to rather not write, so that I may continue to protect the fear that I am not walking my process effectively...and in this, not seeing or realizing how this fear is manifesting itself, nor understanding the impact of this in the bigger picture.

It is time.



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Daniel
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Joined: 25 Jul 2011, 21:18
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Re: Dan's Journey to Life

Postby Daniel » 15 Apr 2015, 01:59

Link for the last post:
http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/d ... eness.html

And for this one:
http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/d ... mplex.html


Day 402 - The Perfect Writer Complex

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my process writing is not acceptable as perfection, and through this allow my inner critic to project a moment of self-judgment into the future - in this not realizing this as the purely self-sabotaging system of mind that this is - and choose to rather not write, so that I may continue to protect the fear that I am not walking my process effectively...and in this, not seeing or realizing how this fear is manifesting itself, nor understanding the impact of this in the bigger picture."

This opened up nicely for me last night. Again, I have access to the iPad tonight, so I'm going to continue with demolishing this particular self-sabotage construct that's been operational for far too long now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed when I sit to write because I don't feel that I will be able to produce writing that I will be proud of, especially in the context of anyone on the Internet being able to read and judge my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my effort in walking my process in writing based on how proud I feel about the end product, and how safe from others' negative judgments it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into fear ridden, conditional writing, where in my key focus is on how others will perceive my writing process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not write to unconditionally support myself and others within common sense sharing of my writing process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate the blogging process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cycle and accumulate backchat as fear-based justifications in relation to why I shouldn't write a blog post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, IN MY MIND, create and define a more and more narrow structure for how my writing style and format should be, such that I get less and less confident that I am able to meet my own expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure and compare myself to my expectations of perfection, which are created through the mind projecting an ideal outcome, and then entertaining all the possible negative judgments that could be created about my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to forget how to write comfortably, in an expression that emerges from my presence, my hereness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get wrapped up and invested in my cycling self-critical thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this to have gone on for this long without me realizing the simple solution of applying myself in a single moment.

This self application is a specific process. It's a process that I had clouded from myself through too much thinking. It's a simple process:

When there is a problem, I commit myself to here forward investigate it, ask myself questions, apply self-forgiveness and above all else, embody a solution oriented mindset. It's only when I began judging myself, and then double judging myself because of the problem. From there I would continue to elaborate on the problem, giving myself more and more reasons why I shouldn't write. If something is not working, raise a red flag, handle the issue with full attention and resolve to find the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy with intellect and not realize that further participation in thought is not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the consequence of entertaining the logic of the mind, which only served to dig my hole deeper, even though I thought I was smart by creating all these sound arguments for why I couldn't write to the level of perfection that would satisfy me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to evaluate my writing by any standard other than how effective it is in my personal process of supporting myself to move forward and transcend the mind constructs that hold me within a limited version of myself.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the belief to exist within me that if my writing is not of the utmost quality, then I will NOT be supporting myself or others according to the framework of what is BEST for all.

Ahh, I see what I did there. I distorted the phrase "best for all" into a point of self-sabotage wherein if my writing wasn't my best, then best not to write at all... Tricky mind-logic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and justify the pressure to write at my most best, most perfect level of quality in terms of insight, realizations, phrasing, vocabulary, effectiveness, etc. - wherein this measure exists in separation of myself. In other words, I can and should write with my best effort, but here, no comparison exists because there is only myself, united with my best effort, expressing myself authentically. No second guessing and trying to cater my expression to a world wide audience, which in actuality is just a slice of my subconscious at that moment in time; meaning that I will only be catering my writing to subvert the possible judgments of one or a handful of those whom I'm imaging will read my writing.

See how convoluted that is? This is no way to express myself in real time through writing.

I will continue in the next post on a closely related point: the editing process.

Thank you.




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