http://dantolife.blogspot.com/2016/10/d ... blame.html
Day 419 - Back to Basics: Blame
I'll admit, I've been a little naïve, thinking that I've got more of a grasp on the concept of blame at this point. Maybe it's a side effect of increasing awareness. In becoming more aware of it, I figured I'd have a better handle on it in my life. I suppose I can say that I've been getting better and better at identifying when other people are participating in blame, but when it comes to seeing it me clearly, haha, dropped the ball there.
There's a particular energy design within blame that feels kind of good...natural even. You know what I mean. Whenever there's anything negative going on, it's relieving and satisfactory to attribute the cause to anything external, anything other than self. So, if I can walk through my whole life, blaming anything and everyone for all the bad shit in the world and in my personal experience, then I can rest easy knowing that I was never in the wrong. I can die, feeling good about myself.
Haha, really? No.
But that's the thing. Taking responsibility for my mistakes and transgressions doesn't quite feel good or natural. It's like a sinking in my gut. Face flushes red with that "I've been caught" kind of feeling. On top of the emotional energy, there's the logical conclusion that I'm flawed, incorrect, or imperfect. From my ego's vantage point, there's a cognitive dissonance that needs to be resolved. Textbook says there's two ways this can occur: change in perception or change in behavior.
A change in perception would be to blame or redirect the responsibility away from me. A change in behavior, well, that's an interesting process in this case. To get to a change in behavior means I need to fully accept that I'm to blame, that I'm responsible. That can be tough to do given the emotional disarray described above.
The key = Self-forgiveness.
With self-forgiveness, I can release that negative energy that comes up with accepting responsibility. When applied effectively, forgiveness is so incredibly powerful. The challenge is in remembering to apply it, especially when the when the desire to blame is SO tempting. The knee-jerk reaction is to push away that sinking feeling - not to take it in, and apply self-forgiveness. I mean, who has ever heard of that? (Other than us process walkers) It takes practice, preparation (writing the JTL blog), and most importantly: the decision to just do it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so quickly follow into the blame energy programming to protect my sensitive ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to find fault everywhere outside of myself, so I may avoid that sinking feeling that comes with considering self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify blame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear accepting responsibility for my mistakes and transgressions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can avoid consequences through blame.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize the inevitability of self-honesty, and thus, the inevitability of taking responsibility for my experience.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally consider taking responsibility for the totality of my experience here on Earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to creatively ascribe blame toward others, so that I may be free of guilt.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to live courage to take full responsibility for the outcomes of my creation.
When and as I see myself participating in a blame narrative in my mind, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I can use my creative capacity to rather investigate personal responsibility, and I commit myself to do that. I commit myself to finding my humility and ending the blame game.
When and as I see myself actively participating in blame within and through the words I speak, I stop, I breathe. I realize that in these moments, I am speaking from a starting point of mind energy as blame. I commit myself to self-correct in real-time; or if this proves too difficult, then I commit myself to investigate the full nature of the blame point in writing.
When and as I see myself in fear of the emotional discord arising from taking responsibility, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this discomfort is my best friend, as it signals to me that I'm on the right track for moving out of the blame game. I commit myself to embrace this discomfort, and I commit myself to release it with self-forgiveness.
When and as I see myself applying reasons, justifications and excuses to validate blame and defer personal responsibility, I stop, I breathe. I realize that taking responsibility for myself is what I ultimately want to do, and thus, why should I waste time entertaining a mind-job such as blaming external forces for my experiences..
Within and through this, I see, realize and understand that I will need to specify my process in order to more readily accept responsibility. To quickly react with blame indicates a failure of self-investigation to the nth degree. So, I commit myself to going all the way, forgiving myself when I do realize a point of blame I'd missed, and keep my eyes on the prize: 100% Self Responsibility.