I will focus on the point you’re handling at the moment, more than focusing on the memory background which describes the way that any other human being experiences themselves no matter what is ‘done’ to get high and get an experience out of it.
At this time I don't know weather I'm still blinding myself but the mind got me thinking into something. If the mind is alive how come that the mind with all of its power over matter (moving your hand is mind over matter-Terence Mckenna) can't create life into a computer generated design that can calculate mathematical, logical principles a lot faster than the human mind and yet has no power to make a free choice there is no desire that would give the spark to life, to bring the computer to life. Mind suppose to be alive and life is created only out of life. So than matter is not alive because it needs mind/consciousness to be alive and yet the mind is always logical computer like can't create life with fabrication and matter is not alive and can replicate itself trough sex and the only thing that makes sex wonder full is the need for the feeling of orgasm because if the feeling would not exist than there is no prize and why would someone do something for no prize, when if I look at myself sincerely everything I have ever done was for myself and feeling good about myself and not giving a damn what other person thinks about me and all of it its from a robotic mind. A mathematical mind a mind that works purely on logic and emotions are systems. And the meat bag body is alive and reacts, gives info about nature environment reality. What is real, what is truth? Wake me up if you can, love is what i don't understand.
At the moment you are blinding yourself, just as we are all blinding ourselves when giving into an experience of the mind and believing, thinking, perceiving that the mind is ‘more than matter’ or has any power over it when it is ourselves actually allowing ourselves to be directed by a single thought, a single belief that turns into a physical experience that we act out and furthermore get ‘lost’ in it without really seeing how there is no way that we could find an ‘answer’ to create a solution for ourselves as humanity only by creating further theories of who has what power over matter – no.
First of all whenever you see yourself getting over-hooked on these type of mind ponderings, take a deep breath to literally snap out of it. Realize that it’s become a pattern for you to actually entertain yourself as the mind instead of actually working with tools that enable you to investigate who you are within this ‘thinking process’ and this does not mean getting to an ‘answer’ that keeps you quiet for a while. This is about writing yourself from the starting point of taking responsibility for who you are and what you have become as the mind. Unless this is done as a genuine starting point of you participating here, of you beginning your writings, what will remain is only an attempt to ‘figure out reality’ instead of realizing that you Already are living out reality, you are already HERE and breathing and eating and shitting and doing all the real things that we all do. That’s our common-ground here.
Now, how to get to know what is REAL and what is ALIVE is simple – if you are here as a living organism and require from everything that is also here to live, that means that you require from fellow parts of the equal-ecosystem which is the physical matter that we require to live.
This means that: the experience behind this reality of physicality is self-created as the mind = and that is precisely what we then work with/ take responsibility for in our process – why? Because the moment we THINK reality instead of living it physically, we are already separating ourselves from it into an experience.
We are the ones that have abdicated our power as life to only satisfy the mind’s need for energy – unless this relationship of energy and substance as life is understood, the belief of the mind being ‘more’ than ‘matter’ will remain as quite a knowledge and information obstacle to in fact realize the points that are required to be realized: getting lost in knowledge and information is also a preprogrammed act that enables us to get quite ‘busy’ up there in our heads trying to make sense of our world and reality while there is absolutely no way that we could ‘make sense’ of it with further knowledge and information – as you can see for yourself that you’re creating quite a personal interpretation that in no way supportive for you to get yourself out of the loop.
I’d like to know to what extent you’ve read the material here and read about self forgiveness, or even other people’s posts – the reason is simple: the basic understanding toward self-responsibility as the act in itself of writing yourself within the starting point of stopping participation in the mind of knowledge and information is not quite clear within your writings. An example for this and that you can see/ ask yourself about is how within the memory that you wrote out and the experience are you in fact writing it out to take responsibility for what you accepted and allowed in such moments. See how from the memory it deviated into a elucidation about the mind wherein there is no self-responsibility laid out and specified as part of your writing in itself.
What is real and what is truth is this world as is, you as the body that we have denigrated due to seeing it as ‘slower’ to manifest the fantastic creations in self interest that we have given ‘head to’ in our minds – you are certainly correct about it: all we have been is self interest abusing physicality and that’s our truth, that’s the reality – now that we are aware of it, we take responsibility for it, because no one will if we don’t do it for ourselves.
Another point to realize is that we are not here to convince anyone of taking responsibility, in fact that would be quite an odyssey to complete if we had to go selling self forgiveness and self honesty – no. Each being participating here comes here as a self-willed being that makes a decision to take self-responsibility for ourselves, educating ourselves to see how in fact we have created and are absolutely responsible for everything and all that is here and commit ourselves to live this as our own life, because it IS about life, and life is certainly here to be lived, but we are nowhere living when we are lost in our minds trying to ‘figure out reality’ while using the very oxygen that is real and eating the food that is of the earth to continue powering up and endlessly thinking pondering mind, sucking the energy out of the physical to keep our heavenly-mind running.
If you are serious about your recognition as an equal part of this organism as Life and you are willing to get to know how you really function as your own mind, make it a point throughout your day and for the next 7 years to read Heaven’s Journey to Life
to in fact get to know the exact detail of this entire creation and our direct participation- hence responsibility – toward this entire reality and existence.
This is how you can definitely ground yourself within what is real and as such act upon it as a self-responsible being, just as everyone else here that are walking the same process.
It's up to you what you participate in.