Ambrož's journey to life

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Ambroz
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Re: Ambrož's journey to life

Postby Ambroz » 08 Oct 2012, 19:27

Day 9: Anger when not succeding

http://ambrozbau.blogspot.com/2012/10/d ... eding.html

Forgot to post it yesterday , no worries:P


Marlen
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Re: Ambrož's journey to life

Postby Marlen » 08 Oct 2012, 19:52

Hi Ambroz, I suggest pasting your writings here for further perspectives/ support in your blogs, that's what the forum is all about.

Ambroz wrote:I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to not to believe in existence of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that God is only an idea made up by human mind due to too much thinking and not living.


What are you exactly self forgiving in relation to the non-belief in the existence of a God?

And on the second point which is what sums up the current perspective in which you are approaching this entire god point, is to see how one has played out the exact same role as a believer that thinks too much and doesn't live while waiting for something/ someone to do the work for us, to 'change the world' for us - instead of us actually taking responsibility within this.

Also you can see how you would experience yourself within those 'inner talks' of challenging religious/ believers within such imaginary conversations, those are aspects that you can go further into in order to really get to see 'who you are' within this entire god topic, because at the moment there is common sense in relation to the figure it represents 'for others'/ as humanity, without really taking the point back to self and for example see where you have played out the exact same role in any other aspect in your life: waiting, self-talking/ praying for something to happen or criticizing others instead of focusing on oneself and one's own points to face/ correct/ work with.

I can relate with the religious bashing character until I realized how much I have only appeased to my own self-religion of feeling superior than the 'faithfully deceived' as I would call 'them,' without realizing that I was doing the exactly same thing as believing that a single thought in my mind is 'real' and is 'who I am' and that i had the Right to point out other's flaws, which was quite egotistical and conceited from me - so, it was only through taking the religious point back to self to see where and how I had built myself as my own 'righteous god' in my mind, and that's all done applying the 'golden rule' of taking it back to self: whatever bothers/ annoys/ irritates you from 'others,' immediately take the point, reverse it to see where you have done the exact same thing/ how you have lived the same mechanism but with other points/ aspects or even people in your life. Then, that's self supportive as you are acknowledging that you've also been part of 'them/ others' that also have a mind and have participated in all of this delusion to create the world and manifest it as it is now.

If you have further feedback, questions/ comments - share it

Thanks


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Anna
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Re: Ambrož's journey to life

Postby Anna » 09 Oct 2012, 23:01

Ambroz wrote:Day 11: Hacking competition

http://ambrozbau.blogspot.com/2012/10/d ... ition.html


Hey Ambroz. As Marlen mentioned, it is suggested to place the text to your blogs here in your thread - both so that support and perspectives can be given effectively. If someone is for example walking similar points as you they might be assisted by your writings as well.

Thanks.

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Ambroz
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Re: Ambrož's journey to life

Postby Ambroz » 10 Oct 2012, 20:09

Day 12:

http://ambrozbau.blogspot.com/2012/10/d ... -2012.html

Day 12: My sad new year of 2012
I woke up, was still stressed out because of some epiphany that happened to me at the start of last December. I have never experienced so much of melancholy and depression due to an experience I did not understand nor anyone that I talked to had any idea what I was trying to describe with words. I closed in on my self no thoughts of remorse felt like there is nothing to live for that there is no purpose to life I used to believe that the point of life is to live, than that just somehow got lost.

Than I went down asked mom if there is anything I can help her with. I was mostly quiet that day. My mind was raging inside i could not stop it even breath was just a pathetic try to find peace within myself, i felt terrible for no apparent reason, i didn't know how i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself that way. Mom was giving me instructions what to cook for the unavoidable new year celebration. Made some stuff, basically the whole day was spend in the kitchen, until parents went out to celebrate and I was left alone.
Didn't know what to do so I called in some friends to spend time with. We gathered up some money and we went looking for weed. We got high to havens. I still remember asking myself why the fuck don't I ever stop with this shit why do I smoke something just for the joy of getting to that point to take a first breath of dope and after that every expectation of getting a good feel just evaporates and all that is left is getting more numb and feeling useless. After that we went inside and I placed platters on the table and some food called psarma. Than other two friends got to my place and one of them all happily proud said to me go on turn on the radio. It was about nine in the evening and than the radio program started. There was much noise of firecrackers going off and the spokesman said something about who is the biggest puzzle, I started to engulf myself into thoughts, than he asked who is the ruler of the world and some guy said Obama, than he asked again something like who is that old kid that is too much robotic.

At, this I say that when I try to make contact with desteni on You Tube with the name 1none2one3be4more and when I was shit scared of reaction that I got. When I introduced myself on a `private´ send message button with `being still same old kid´, I meant as old joke (kid-kidding, joke-joking) anyway they translated it like old boy in slovene.

I was crushed from the inside out. I thought why the fuck do they give a fuck me why do they bother and now I'm even a too much robotic. There was so much shit running trough my head only thing I wished for was a fucking gun so that I could shoot myself. Great I have just become the biggest fool. I felt my nightmares have just become a reality. A friend poked me, asked me if I again meditate, and than he asked me how everything can be alive to me how can a table be alive to me how can some thing made out of matter be alive to me etc... At that point I couldn't move I didn't had any explanation for there was so much chaos running trough my mind I thought I was imagining things, I truly lost it. Before that I had a brief experience of matter as being an illusion made up by us made up in the mind that is connected to this apparent robot meat bag of a human body and that the mind is real and alive and everything made out of matter is just matter (not alive). I was so shit scared I felt terrible about myself. I kept quiet since there was no point explaining and that the illusion of a mind started for me when I was a little kid in bed trying to get some sleep asking myself how the fuck to stop the thought perpetuated mind experience.
I went to the bathroom and cried the shit-rainbow out of myself. At that point I was lost, I forgot everything about life, I became a robot I said to myself I will ignore the whole thing, I was weak or trying to present myself as weak in my tears, self pity as an emotional disaster all made up in my mind, crying like a little baby that lost nothing but still victimizing myself as I don't have a clue of what is going on. Stop, think, act.What part of acting don't I understand? Do I have to pretend to live, to express myself accordingly so that I will feel good about myself so that I won't be seen in the eyes of others as something that I don't want others to see in me? So much fucking worries over one little paradox, and the emotional distress every fucking morning after that new year, well eventually I got used to it.

At this time I don't know weather I'm still blinding myself but the mind got me thinking into something. If the mind is alive how come that the mind with all of its power over matter (moving your hand is mind over matter-Terence Mckenna) can't create life into a computer generated design that can calculate mathematical, logical principles a lot faster than the human mind and yet has no power to make a free choice there is no desire that would give the spark to life, to bring the computer to life. Mind suppose to be alive and life is created only out of life. So than matter is not alive because it needs mind/consciousness to be alive and yet the mind is always logical computer like can't create life with fabrication and matter is not alive and can replicate itself trough sex and the only thing that makes sex wonder full is the need for the feeling of orgasm because if the feeling would not exist than there is no prize and why would someone do something for no prize, when if I look at myself sincerely everything I have ever done was for myself and feeling good about myself and not giving a damn what other person thinks about me and all of it its from a robotic mind. A mathematical mind a mind that works purely on logic and emotions are systems. And the meat bag body is alive and reacts, gives info about nature environment reality. What is real, what is truth? Wake me up if you can, love is what i don't understand.

Marlen
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Re: Ambrož's journey to life

Postby Marlen » 11 Oct 2012, 02:57

I will focus on the point you’re handling at the moment, more than focusing on the memory background which describes the way that any other human being experiences themselves no matter what is ‘done’ to get high and get an experience out of it.

At this time I don't know weather I'm still blinding myself but the mind got me thinking into something. If the mind is alive how come that the mind with all of its power over matter (moving your hand is mind over matter-Terence Mckenna) can't create life into a computer generated design that can calculate mathematical, logical principles a lot faster than the human mind and yet has no power to make a free choice there is no desire that would give the spark to life, to bring the computer to life. Mind suppose to be alive and life is created only out of life. So than matter is not alive because it needs mind/consciousness to be alive and yet the mind is always logical computer like can't create life with fabrication and matter is not alive and can replicate itself trough sex and the only thing that makes sex wonder full is the need for the feeling of orgasm because if the feeling would not exist than there is no prize and why would someone do something for no prize, when if I look at myself sincerely everything I have ever done was for myself and feeling good about myself and not giving a damn what other person thinks about me and all of it its from a robotic mind. A mathematical mind a mind that works purely on logic and emotions are systems. And the meat bag body is alive and reacts, gives info about nature environment reality. What is real, what is truth? Wake me up if you can, love is what i don't understand.




At the moment you are blinding yourself, just as we are all blinding ourselves when giving into an experience of the mind and believing, thinking, perceiving that the mind is ‘more than matter’ or has any power over it when it is ourselves actually allowing ourselves to be directed by a single thought, a single belief that turns into a physical experience that we act out and furthermore get ‘lost’ in it without really seeing how there is no way that we could find an ‘answer’ to create a solution for ourselves as humanity only by creating further theories of who has what power over matter – no.

First of all whenever you see yourself getting over-hooked on these type of mind ponderings, take a deep breath to literally snap out of it. Realize that it’s become a pattern for you to actually entertain yourself as the mind instead of actually working with tools that enable you to investigate who you are within this ‘thinking process’ and this does not mean getting to an ‘answer’ that keeps you quiet for a while. This is about writing yourself from the starting point of taking responsibility for who you are and what you have become as the mind. Unless this is done as a genuine starting point of you participating here, of you beginning your writings, what will remain is only an attempt to ‘figure out reality’ instead of realizing that you Already are living out reality, you are already HERE and breathing and eating and shitting and doing all the real things that we all do. That’s our common-ground here.

Now, how to get to know what is REAL and what is ALIVE is simple – if you are here as a living organism and require from everything that is also here to live, that means that you require from fellow parts of the equal-ecosystem which is the physical matter that we require to live.

This means that: the experience behind this reality of physicality is self-created as the mind = and that is precisely what we then work with/ take responsibility for in our process – why? Because the moment we THINK reality instead of living it physically, we are already separating ourselves from it into an experience.

We are the ones that have abdicated our power as life to only satisfy the mind’s need for energy – unless this relationship of energy and substance as life is understood, the belief of the mind being ‘more’ than ‘matter’ will remain as quite a knowledge and information obstacle to in fact realize the points that are required to be realized: getting lost in knowledge and information is also a preprogrammed act that enables us to get quite ‘busy’ up there in our heads trying to make sense of our world and reality while there is absolutely no way that we could ‘make sense’ of it with further knowledge and information – as you can see for yourself that you’re creating quite a personal interpretation that in no way supportive for you to get yourself out of the loop.

I’d like to know to what extent you’ve read the material here and read about self forgiveness, or even other people’s posts – the reason is simple: the basic understanding toward self-responsibility as the act in itself of writing yourself within the starting point of stopping participation in the mind of knowledge and information is not quite clear within your writings. An example for this and that you can see/ ask yourself about is how within the memory that you wrote out and the experience are you in fact writing it out to take responsibility for what you accepted and allowed in such moments. See how from the memory it deviated into a elucidation about the mind wherein there is no self-responsibility laid out and specified as part of your writing in itself.

What is real and what is truth is this world as is, you as the body that we have denigrated due to seeing it as ‘slower’ to manifest the fantastic creations in self interest that we have given ‘head to’ in our minds – you are certainly correct about it: all we have been is self interest abusing physicality and that’s our truth, that’s the reality – now that we are aware of it, we take responsibility for it, because no one will if we don’t do it for ourselves.

Another point to realize is that we are not here to convince anyone of taking responsibility, in fact that would be quite an odyssey to complete if we had to go selling self forgiveness and self honesty – no. Each being participating here comes here as a self-willed being that makes a decision to take self-responsibility for ourselves, educating ourselves to see how in fact we have created and are absolutely responsible for everything and all that is here and commit ourselves to live this as our own life, because it IS about life, and life is certainly here to be lived, but we are nowhere living when we are lost in our minds trying to ‘figure out reality’ while using the very oxygen that is real and eating the food that is of the earth to continue powering up and endlessly thinking pondering mind, sucking the energy out of the physical to keep our heavenly-mind running.

If you are serious about your recognition as an equal part of this organism as Life and you are willing to get to know how you really function as your own mind, make it a point throughout your day and for the next 7 years to read Heaven’s Journey to Life to in fact get to know the exact detail of this entire creation and our direct participation- hence responsibility – toward this entire reality and existence.
This is how you can definitely ground yourself within what is real and as such act upon it as a self-responsible being, just as everyone else here that are walking the same process.

It's up to you what you participate in.


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