Day 14: Facing thought manifested lies
http://ambrozbau.blogspot.com/2012/10/d ... -lies.html
I have veiled myself behind the systems of beliefs that I have made myself believed them to be true and within believing those systems of experiences, justifications I have come to the point I am today as me alone. I have deliberately forced myself to write out my thoughts that were closes at the time of writing as a deliberate self manipulation to face that what I have accepted and allowed myself to think about and made decisions based on those thoughts. I always thought that I'm somewhat perfect towards others and than with that justified my reactions towards the judgements of others towards me not seeing realizing that all I think about is what others think of me and always try to hide my true self behind the curtain of belief that others have and act out a persona that would always suit others instead of me being me and allow others to judge me not some acting out of me that i thought it would suit others and in that deliberately manipulating my self expression.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed to express self honestly as my beliefs and my justifications in fear of not being accepted for what I really am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to manipulate myself towards others in the name of getting others to like me and in that blinding/separating myself from myself as I would keep the veil of what I truly am and instead express lie in the name of fear of letting others see me of what I truly am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others judging me is making me scared for myself by not allowing myself to see myself and in that deliberately denying something that I see clearly of what I am an than refusing to be that of what I truly am and hide myself behind the veil of lies.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to face myself and see that all the time I am manipulating myself in my mind that I am more than others and in that denying that I am more than others I deliberately lie that I am less than others, instead of seeing that I am equal and one with others since I depend on others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my beliefs towards others, by making a belief towards me and thus by seeing me for what I truly am I see others for what they truly are and at this I forgive myself that I haven accepted and allowed myself to see that all I do is judge myself and than think that others are doing same exact thing and allow myself to judge others the way I judge myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I deliberately keep bending the point of self honesty and manipulate myself to think that I'm mistaken about it as not being sure about it and thus I rather express something else such as a lie in hope that lie will be the right as a point of not being honest with myself and not allowing myself to express honestly.
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to have doubt as an excuse to not trust myself
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to rather keep relying on others instead of me being self directive principle that is self honest and not being afraid of expressing myself of what I am towards the real world.
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my thoughts not realizing that thoughts are fabrication of my beliefs of what I have accepted and allowed myself to think.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am more than me instead of seeing and realizing that I am only me and that there is no more of me, and that thoughts are only an illusion that try to justify what I am when in fact I am only manipulating myself with thoughts and than think that they are real, not realizing that thoughts are a program that needs judgements/justifications/collaboration of knowledge/realizations/imagination so that I can experience energies within myself of positive and negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself with realizations and justifications for my existence and within that not realizing that I am loosing my time to express myself in now and instead live in my head and keep allowing myself to think if I am good enough, creating doubt towards myself as not being satisfied with myself.
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am perfect when I act-out myself towards others so that I will suit others and in that deliberately suppress myself and my true expression as fear that I have created to think that others will not be satisfied with my true expression and than would deliberately suppress me.
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to think that when I seek honest truth I only express lies that only support my view and not another ones, when in fact I don't really know what another ones point of view is, except within self-honesty we are all the same.
I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful toward my expression of self-honest me as fear of expressing self-honest me as fear that others wouldn't like self-honest me, and within that spitefulness towards expressing self-honest me I would than express lies as self dishonesty, because of fear others not liking my self-expression.