Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 11 Jul 2017, 21:32

Day 408: Weaknesses
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... eaknesses/

Yesterday I was painting a wall together with my partner. I was rolling the roof and my partner was masking certain areas of the walls using tape. Some moments later my partner asked me if I could help her to mask an area of the wall, because she had trouble reaching that particular spot. In that moment I experienced a reaction of irritation, and this was accompanied by line of backchat, which went something line this:
“Can’t she do this herself? Why must I do it? Why cannot she learn to do this, it is simple, I should not have to go over and help her with this simple point.”
It was not only about me having to stop what I was doing, to go over to another part of the room and align the tape, what triggered my reaction was also a judgment, of perceiving my partner as being weak, because in my mind, she could not ‘handle’ this simple action – and I perceived it as if she was accepting this weakness, readily embracing it, instead of pushing through it, and for example, herself, learning how to mask that particular place.

So, when I bring this point back to myself, I can see that it is about judging weaknesses, and as well, judging not challenging weaknesses in solitude, but rather asking for help. This is what I would term a typical male approach to weaknesses. The belief that weaknesses must be fought, and conquered. However this is certainly a very one dimensional way of approaching weaknesses, because, what about learning from weaknesses? What about acknowledging my weaknesses, and then structuring my life in such a way that I can focus on my strengths, and outsource the parts in my life where I am weak? Or, what about acknowledging my weaknesses, and seeing that someone else is able to do it better than what I am, and thus, the project as a whole, would be more effectively executed if someone else did it instead – or – what about me learning from them?

And this also opens up a related point, if I am strong in a particular aspect in my life, what purpose does it then serve, that when someone asks for my assistance and support, that I become irritated and impatient? Rather, I could utilize such a moment to actually show the other person my technique, the secrets of my strength, explain the point – because that would that assist and support the other person to move themselves from being weak to strong. Thus, the reaction that I had is really counter-intuitive; because judging weaknesses only leads to pretending that one is strong in order to hide one’s weaknesses, and what good comes out of that?

Do I become strong when I hide that I am weak, or pretend that I am strong? No, that is not the case. Real genuine strength does not have to pretend – it is simply who I am. And when someone else shows that they are weak, in-fact that would be an opportunity for me to share my strength, and also, show others how to develop that particular strength.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge weaknesses, to react towards them, and fight them, and not want to understand them, not want to experience them, not want to have anything to do with them, because I perceive them to be a nuisance, a pest, and if I accept and allow one into my life, it will possess me and make me lose touch with the physical, with myself, with my strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to suppress and fight weaknesses through becoming angry and frustrated, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this will not make the weakness go away, rather, if I want to transform the weakness into a strength, I will have to get to know it, and then see what is required to be walked to bring forth a strength, and then assist and support myself, or the other person, to walk a process to make the weakness into a strength

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge asking others for help, to judge recognizing that I am weak and that I need assistance and support within a particular point, to think that it is something bad, something that I should not accept and allow in my life, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact a point of ego, how I am accepting an allowing myself to compromise the walking of a project, because I do not want to appear as weak, instead of simply, asking for assistance and support, or asking, how for help to improve my skills, and thus, pushing and moving the project forward in such a way that the best expression, the best potential will come through.

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself judging a weakness, reacting in anger and frustration towards a weakness, wanting to suppress a weakness, I take a breath, I bring myself back here, and I stop – and I see, realize and understand that this is a point of self-sabotage that I am accepting and allowing – and that the weakness will not go away only because I try to fight it – whether the weakness is in my or in another person – rather – I must understand the weakness – embrace it – because then I will be in a position to direct it – and maybe what is required is that I ask for help, or if the weakness is in another, that I stop up, and patiently show them how to do it, or that I do it myself, or if I am the one that is weak, that I allow another to walk the point for me – and hence I see, realize and understand that a weakness is nothing shameful or bad that has to be fought – it is what it is and it can be directed just like any point – thus I commit myself to embrace the weaknesses and look for practical ways to support myself or another to turn the weakness into a strength – and also to invite help, assistance and support when that will be what is best

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 12 Jul 2017, 07:56

Day 409: Facing Gossip
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... gossiping/

Gossiping is widely accepted and allowed in humanity at this stage, and interestingly enough, it is often associated with close friendship and bonding – where the bond is created by diminishing and harassing another human being in words.

Gossiping is very, very destructive – and it never gives an accurate picture of another person. It is mostly done to get back in some respect or another – and the purpose is to destroy the other person and to make oneself feel better/superior. As far as character goes, gossiping says everything about the one that is doing it, and nothing about the person being gossiped about. A person that accepts and allows gossip usually feels so insecure and inferior within themselves, that they must destroy others, to be able to remain afloat.

When it comes to the consequences of gossiping, one of them is that view/opinion/relationship the people hearing the gossip have with/of the person being gossiped about, will be effected. And hence, one sentence of gossip, can potentially severely damage a cool relationship between two people.

Thus – the moment I catch myself I gossiping, whether this is something I see in my backchat, or words that I consider actually voicing, I immediately stop myself – because gossiping is not something that I accept and allow in my life.

In this interview from Eqafe you can hear life review with a person that gossiped a lot in their life, the consequences this created, and solutions that can be applied to change and stop gossiping.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 14 Jul 2017, 22:43

Day 410: Self-forgiveness On The Fear of Being Judged and Desire to Be Liked
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... -be-liked/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by the mainstream consciousness, to fear being judged and pushed out from the mainstream consciousness, to fear being seen as strange, weird, unsociable and being disliked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught in a conflict, where I on the one hand want to be like everyone else, I want to fit in, I want to be accepted, and on the other hand, I feel limited in that world, and I want to move, I want to expand, I want to push myself to go where I have not gone before, however, in order to do that, I must break social conventions, I must move myself outwards, I must embrace the courage to be different, and then actually live that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different, and want to seek security and safety in being like everyone else, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself, to not see that I have a value, and that instead of seeking solace in others, I can stand as that point of solace within myself – where I hence push myself to be the stability in my life that I desire – to be the consistency in my life that I desire – to be the clarity in my life that I desire – to be the direction in my life that I desire – to be the purpose in my life that I desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for mainstream consciousness to give me permission to be me – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I will not ever receive that permission – I must give it to myself – I must give myself permission to live me – to be me – to express myself – and hence I cannot wait for mainstream consciousness to change – instead I must change and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear being judged by my neighbor – to fear being judged by those around me – to fear being judged by colleagues – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make these parts of my life more important and significant than myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the solution is the ‘force myself’ through the fears, through doing what I fear, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not, obviously the solution, as it will only create further separation, where I am not really dealing with the nature, the content of my fears, which is the real problem – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to really get through this inner conflict, I must deal with both polarities, both the positive of feeling like I mastered my fear, and the negative, of experiencing the fear, so that I can make a decision based upon common sense as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have a purpose and direction that is one sided and through which I am able to draw attention to myself and my life – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a polarity of desiring to be famous and have a clear definition/purpose/place in the life of others – while at the same time existing in fear – petrifaction of being judged by others ad not having a clear and distinct purpose and point – but rather being pushed out from the lives of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to become a household name – to become famous in the eyes of others – to become recognized in the eyes of others – to become someone in the eyes of others that is seen as special – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to put me and my name out there for this reason – so that I can feel like I am doing something that others are able to see, recognize and commend me for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by a desire to be someone – instead of driving myself from within and as the starting point of sharing myself to as such have a positive impact in the life of others in the sense of sharing a lifestyle – a life – principles and a way of living that is best for all and that can contribute in the life of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being someone – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and make decisions in my life to get out there – to market myself and my name so that I can feel like I have an impact – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that my attention is in-fact not clearly focused – because the purpose of me and my life should not be to get my name out there – but rather to move and push points of support – to place support out there in the world in such a way that people are able to use it and apply it in their own lives – and how I do that – it is really not of any relevance in this case

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my desire to be famous and recognized override what is common sense – and as well override the purpose of why I share myself and my process – why I share my life – why I share who I am – which would be to assist and support others to expand and move themselves in their lives – to grow themselves – to become and stand as their full and complete potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become led astray by inner conflict of how I am perceived by others, what kind of stature I have in the eyes of others, instead of remaining clear on what I do, clear on who I am, clear on my purpose, which I see is the point that I must move myself from – that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – it is about the purpose from within which I move and create myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain locked and diminished within and as a state and condition of fear of not being someone in the lives of others – and hence make decisions and move myself from within and as this fear – instead of remaining practical – remaining grounded – remaining physical – remaining HERE with and as my human physical body and understanding that I cannot really loose myself – and that it does not really matter whether I am known or not – it does not really matter what others think of me – what matters is that I in this life stand as part of the solution – bringing through a change in this world in WHO I AM – and then sharing myself within this so that others are able to do the same as what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place my focus – instead on assisting and supporting – to seeing where and how I am able to spend and utilize my time the most effectively to assist and support in creating a life and world that is best for all – and that does not necessarily need to be through my sharing myself on the web – having a blog – it does not necessarily need to be through becoming seen by others – it might just as well be in the unknown that I step forth and that I assist and support – it is a moment-to-moment point – where I must assess who I am and where I am – whether there is something that I can bring through that would assist and support others in their process and journey of self-creation

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into an inner conflict in relation to how I should move myself when it comes to sharing Desteni material, Eqafe interviews, my process with others, and I exist within that fear and anxiety of not being accepted, while still at the same time wanting and desiring fame, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will not find a solution through going into my mind, into emotions, into feelings, that I will not see what is best for me or others by reacting, or fighting my reactions, and hence I commit myself to take a breath, stabilize myself, and then look at the point in clarity, to look at my purpose, to look at the entirety of my life, and assess within that starting point, how I can share myself, with the purpose of assisting and supporting others – and to find alternatives and other ways of sharing myself when I notice that it is not beneficial or supportive for me or others to share in a particular way

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 16 Jul 2017, 21:34

Day 411: Creating My Own Path
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... -own-path/

I recently watched a Netflix original series called ‘GLOW’, where one of the characters, a disillusioned and uncomfortably direct and simultaneously honest movie director, explains to one of his actresses, that is supposed to play the ‘bad guy’ in his movie, that there is great power in learning how to not give a fuck about being hated/disliked by others. This line struck a chord with me an hence I want to expand on it in this blog.

From what I have come understand, of both of myself and others, is that our average/normal way of going about life, is that we want to be loved by others, and act accordingly, which is achieved mostly by trying to please others. There are a few people that gets off by doing the opposite, they want to feel hated and disliked, because that makes them feel empowered. Obviously, none of these polarities are a solution, and does not assist and support with growth and mutual self-expansion. If we move around in our life’s trying to be loved by others, well, in some way or another, that will always lead us to compromise and change ourselves to fit in and try to be the way we believe others wants us to be. If we go around deliberately instigating conflicts, and trying to make others dislike others, well, then we are as well changing ourselves to have others respond to us in a particular – we will still be a slave. The base problem in both scenarios is that we define and live according to the response/stimuli that we get from others – and that is what we need to move away from.

A consequence of only acting/living according to what we believe others want, or do not want us to be/do, is that we do not get to know ourselves. Instead we are moved by fickle and ephemeral experiences, change our direction on a whim, what is popular and what is not popular, what is desirable and what is not desirable (generally speaking), we move there – without really understanding why, or having looked at whether it would be best for us or not. It is a form of herd-mentality – and obviously it is a lot easier to just go with the flow. Then we do not have to look within, consider, assess, ponder, and asks ourselves; Okay, but WHO AM I within all of this? And maybe this is the reason we are so prone to move and act according to the stimuli others present to us in our lives, we really do not want to go through the inner conflict of getting to know ourselves and deciding upon a direction? At least this has been the case with me.

While moving with the flow requires no particular self-will or self-discipline, and mostly, comes very naturally, choosing upon and going in our own direction, is in my experience a lot more tough, at least the first times it is done. The times when I have decided to do what I see is common sense, while at the same time, I have had a desire to follow along with what everyone else was doing (which happened to be something different), I have been very conflicted about the decision. Sometimes I have wanted to go back on what I decided, because, what if my way is the wrong way? What if everyone else is right, and I am making a complete fool out of myself? This is characteristic I have found in terms of choosing and deciding upon our personal path, when we do, we have ALL the RESPONSIBILITY. We cannot blame person X for ‘putting us in this position’ – no we did it ourselves. However, that is also what I truly enjoy about making decisions for and as MYSELF – I am responsible – I am the creator – I move – I make it happen – and it will NOT happen by itself.

Thus, the solution as I see to change myself, from needing some form of response form others, to instead making and walking decisions that I have made myself, is to develop common sense – and learn to trust my common sense. If I have made a calculated decision, because I have seen that it is best, and someone else comes and says – ‘No, this is what is best!’ – if I stand clear within myself and know the specifics of my decisions – then I am less likely to fall into doubt and uncertainty. When I am clear within myself with regards to why I am doing what I am doing, I cannot be swayed and controlled the same way as I would otherwise.

Hence, this is exemplifies another point, it is not about being different, not about fear of what others might think about me – the reactions I have within me towards the input/response/stimuli of others reveals to me my relationship with myself – and if there is any form of dependency – that implies that I have not yet developed and stood as a point of grounded, decisive and clear point of common sense in my own life – but that I still wish to push the responsibility of my decisions unto others. As such, on a deeper dimension, it shows that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand accountable for my own life. The solution to this point is to live accountability – and do that through practicing STANDING with and by the decisions that I make – in terms of establishing what is BEST for ALL before I make a decision – and then deciding according to the assessment I have made. This way I will develop accountability – and at the same time – become a lot better at making decisions for myself, as well as standing with and by them even though others might say that I should do or think differently.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 21 Jul 2017, 22:23

Day 412: Potential
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... potential/

Today I am going to open up the word POTENTIAL.

Recently I looked at a documentary covering the campaign of the current president of France, Emmanuel Macron. It was an interesting view of the political machinery, from the inside. However, I am not going to review the content of the film, but rather my reactions towards it. The reactions that came up within me was that of stress, as well as comparison. I compared myself to Emmanuel Macron and the position he has achieved. The backchat went something like this:

‘My god, he is only 39 years old, and already president. What have I achieved with my life? I must get a move on if I am going to do something with myself.’

After a chat with my Desteni I Process buddy (she helps me a lot!) I reached the conclusion that the reaction had to do with how I had defined the word potential. The way I saw the word, it was still imbued with the various ideas marketed in the current system of what it means to be successful, what it means to achieve, what it means to become someone in this world; and those are mostly about getting money, or having influence or power. In my life, neither of those factors are particularly salient, at least not to the extent where I can compare myself to a president. Hence, in my mind, the comparison with Emmanuel Macron, fell out in such a way that I was the loser.

Thus – it is time to redefine the word potential. An interesting point to note is that I do not have difficulties in seeing the potential of others. In-fact, that is natural to me. And the potential I see within others is not limited to the polarities of the system and ideas of success – rather – I am able to see how they would be able to contribute/give/expand within their current situation and in their daily living. It is really fascinating actually. An example would for example be my neighbor, who is a farmer. Now, in his life, and profession, and because of who he is, I see the potential of him inviting young people, children, to follow him and learn what a farmer does. I can see that he would be able to give a lot of himself through such a set-up – a POTENTIAL. Though, when I look at my own life, I have experienced a lot more difficulty in trying to establish, what is my potential, and what I am able to do with myself in this lifetime to assist and support myself and others.

Let’s redefine the word POTENTIAL

Sounding the word

Creative writing
I see that word potential is about filling and empty space. A shallow pool waiting to be filled. The pool has a certain amount of water when it is filled to its brim, its utmost. Living the word potential, is hence about recognizing the amount of water that should be in the pool, and then filling it with water – manifesting its utmost. And filling my pool with water would be the process of realizing/manifesting my potential.

In the world system potential oftentimes has a very limited definition. Mostly it is connected to either sex or money. However, there is obviously a lot more to the word potential. What I see at the moment is that most aspects of our lives holds a unfulfilled potential. For example, the way I drive my car. In certain traffic situations I might be sloppy and careless – and I see that I could do/become more in that particular context of of my life – there is a POTENTIAL for EXPANSION – a pool that is not yet filled. Hence – realizing my potential in that context would be to actually push myself to in similar traffic situations become more attentive and careful.

Thus potential is not limited to improving ourselves in our career or in our ability to acquire and hold unto a partner. Potential is everywhere – and really – our task is to learn to SEE the potential. And to be able to SEE our potential we must learn to recognize what we are dissatisfied with and want to change, learn to see and become inspired by the examples of others, so that we see that we are able to see that there is MORE, and learn to listen to ourselves and bring forth those inner visions we have, were we see we could move and expand with regards to a particular point, into the foreground of our lives, where they can become part of our daily movement and living.

Living potential is as such very much about being ACTIVE and constantly MOVING, CHALLENGING, PUSHING myself forward to see what more I am able to do, and what more I am able to become. Because really, what stands in my way most of the times is that I am not sufficiently ON THE BALL to catch and move on the potential when it opens up.

Redefinition of the word POTENTIAL
Pushing Myself To Make A Moment/Expression/Point The Best That It Can Be

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby Raúl » 22 Jul 2017, 16:00

Really cool blog, amazing!

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 23 Jul 2017, 09:28

Day 413: Putting Ourselves Out There
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... out-there/

Lately I have met many interesting people, with new views and perspectives on reality, that would assist and support if they became common knowledge. However, a point that I have realized as of late, is the importance of making sure that one share those ideas/perspectives in some way with the world. And there are unfortunately only a few of these people, with valuable insights and knowledge, that share themselves with the world, in mediums that will be accessible for many people, or in some other way make themselves known in a way that would affect a larger mass of people.

The perfect example of this I would say is politics. Many of us see parts of society that are able to be improved, we see solutions and we see new ways of tackling long standing problems. However, few of us bring that knowledge/insight into the public sphere – into the sphere of politics. Instead, we blame the current politicians for not solving the problems. And instead of us contributing, we stand back, and feel good about ourselves for being able to see the problems, while not standing up, to offer and work on tangible, concrete and long-term solutions.

It is thus a fascinating pattern of self-sabotage, our tendency to stand back, not share ourselves, not put ourselves out there, and then to blame others for not doing, what we see we could do, if we would have stood up and moved ourselves. Fascinating, and also, unnecessary and very destructive. Because how much could we not have changed, if all those capable, would have stood up and moved themselves?

Hence, what I have come to see, realize and understand in my process of self-change, is the importance of taking part, participating in the world and the current system, regardless of how it is done. To make sure that I do not isolate myself in a group where my sphere of influence remains limited, but that I push myself to move outwards. And that is something I do through blogging, though it does not really matter how it is done, it could be through vlogging or meetings in the physical, and it can be done anonymously – the point of importance is to is to in some way GET OUT THERE and BE an active PARTICIPANT in the shaping and creating of our current society and world.

Being an active PARTICIPANT – that is what I see as living with PASSION = Pass-It-On. Living with passion entails making sure that my strengths are shared with the world, that I pass them on, that I show and stand as an example. Because that is what I would have liked others to do for me. If I have a weakness, and someone else is strong in that area of their life, I would have wanted them to make sure that they share themselves and through that, show me, how I am able to transform my weaknesses into a strength.

Because fact is that no man is an island. We do live in a community, we are dependent on each-other, and hence, as a community, we will only ever be as strong as the weakest among us. That is why we ourselves also have an interest in making sure that we are heard, that we share ourselves and that we voice ourselves – because at the end of the day – that will also benefit us.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 24 Jul 2017, 22:03

Day 414: Redefining: Physical
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... -physical/

After listening to the Eqafe interview Location of Existential Physical Process I have decided to redefine the word PHYSICAL.

How have I lived the word?

Physical, is a word, that I primarily see as a noun or adjective – hence not an action – but rather a passive object or description. Obviously you are able to use the word as a verb, such as: ‘Let’s get physical’ – though that is about the only example I know. Hence, to LIVE the word PHYSICAL – is something I have yet to explore.

However, I have since starting the Desteni I Process been continually practicing physical presence, being AWARE of the physical. I have done that through pushing myself to breath with awareness, and through being aware of my body, from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes – and that is something that have challenged me a lot – at the same time it has also been very enjoyable. This is the closest I get to living the word PHYSICAL.

Otherwise, physical, is something that I see as what I can tangibly touch, see or smell – it is something that interacts with my physical body or in my physical body – something that I am able to sense and experience with and through my body.

Sounding the word



early 15c., “of or pertaining to material nature” (in medicine, opposed to surgical), from Medieval Latin physicalis “of nature, natural,” from Latin physica “study of nature” (see physic). Meaning “pertaining to matter” is from 1590s; meaning “having to do with the body, corporeal” is attested from 1780. Meaning “characterized by bodily attributes or activities” is attested from 1970. Physical education first recorded 1838; abbreviated form phys ed is from 1955. Physical therapy is from 1922. Related: Physically.

Creative Writing

Physical – when I take this word within me and look at it – I get the sense of and endless ocean of darkness – silence – there is a deep and contented steadiness to the word – and it feels as if the word is solid – manifest – complete – the foundation from which everything springs and moves. The physical is not only about what can be sensed – it is about that deep connection within the human physical body – that goes deep, deep, into a dark and timeless calm.

Standing and living as the word PHYSICAL – would thus be to bring that deep and timeless calm up within me – and practicing that stance/living/expression within me as I go through my days – seeing, realizing and understanding that these shallow, hasty, rushes of positive and negative energy, that moves about, they are not relevant, neither are they of any consequence, in comparison to the endless depth of the PHYSICAL. Hence – bringing this word up within me can be of great support when I notice that I am loosening my balance and direction – and where I notice and see myself – falling into the trap of some experience or energy.

Redefining the word

The deep and timeless matter from which all originates

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 28 Jul 2017, 09:14

Day 415: Redefining Debate
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... ng-debate/

When facts become about winning, that is when discussions will loose meaning, decisions will be made that makes no sense, and people will disagree with each-other just because, even though they might not disagree with one another on a factual level. In the western world, we call this phenomenon ‘debating’ – taking the-bait – and trying to overturn the opponent to ones own world view.

It is really interesting to look at the nature of debating, because what is really the point with it? If we enter a discussion with the mindset that we are going to convince the other person that we are right, while at the same time being convinced that we ourselves are right and the other is wrong, then how much space is there for us to actually learn something and reconsider our own points of view? Not that much I would say.

I have noticed with myself that I will, especially with my siblings, enter a debate mode. I will enter into the discussion with a certain point of view, this view will be challenged by my siblings, and then I will defend my view. The reason as to why I defend my view is because I fear losing, fear losing in the sense that my siblings will not agree with my perspective and the way I see things. Obviously, it is completely irrational, because my perspective will not disappear or become diminished only because someone else disagrees with it – if I see what I see – and I see that it is in-fact so – then why am I so fearful about what others say about it? On a physical level, there is nothing for me to lose.

In-fact, it is in reverse. When I approach a discussion from a starting point of wanting to convince another, I am closing myself off from hearing their perspective, hence, closing myself off from expanding and learning from another, thus actually creating loss within myself and my reality.

Hence, what is really going on here? Why is it that I feel a need to protect myself, my views, my perspectives, and to make sure that others agree with them? The way I see it, it is about insecurity, and because I build my self-image through others, and then, when others respect and agree with my views, apparently my self-image is strengthened, and when the opposite happens, it is weakened. If I however, would trust myself, and have a stable, constant self-image, not based upon the stimuli/response of others, then I would not be in fear of changing my point of view, and not in fear of allowing the perspective of another into me, for me to consider it unconditionally.

Hence, the solution that I see is to dare to step beyond ‘my information’ and ‘your information’ and see, realize and understand that it is simply different perspectives, different kinds of information, and that it does not matter who or what is the bearer of the information. What is important is the perspective in itself, the words in themselves, and whether they are supportive or not – and to be able to establish that – I must dare to be open and unconditional – and thus I will practice approaching discussions from this starting point. Hence this is how I will redefine ‘debating’; ‘A discussion with another to establish what information/perspective/direction is BEST and to support mutual growth and expansion for all participants’.

Additionally, a supportive principle to live by with regards to this point is to ‘investigate all things and hold unto that which is good‘.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 30 Jul 2017, 07:31

Day 416: The Concrete Floor
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... ete-floor/

Because I still have my holidays I have had time to commit to a couple of carpentry projects on the farm where I live. Some of them, I am really satisfied with, others, I am not. A few days ago I completed one of those projects which I am not satisfied with, at all.

The project was about casting a new concrete floor in the carpentry cabin on the farm. The floor was definitely in need of a remake, because it had a big hole in one section, a oil spill in another, and looked generally, quite rough. On my mothers initiative, it was thus decided to recast the floor. And I was on board and excited about the project, because I have never worked with concrete on my own before.

However, this excitement, and throwing myself into the project, was also, partly what caused me to in the end, be dissatisfied with the results. Because, without doing much research, my mother and I bought some bags of concrete, and without doing much research – except for making a few calls to check in with a couple of retailers – then I threw myself into blending, meshing and throwing the concrete.

The first thing that happened, was that we had not bought enough concrete. Hence, we were only able to cast roughly one fifth of the surface, and then we had to wait for a couple of days, until we were able to buy more concrete. Because of this a part of the new floor got a different color compared to the rest, and a slightly different height. Obviously, I was not very satisfied with that.

Then, the rest of the floor, because I had not done my research, it got a rough surface, not the floor-like, normal surface that I am used to. Further, the floor height was raised about 25-30 mm which made the height of the ceiling, in some areas, too low. All this because, I did not consider, reflect and look on the point beforehand. It was done impulsively, on a whim, and the results were equal and one to that.

When I looked how this happened, how I got carried away, I see that it has to do with the excitement I was experiencing in relation to the project, and also, a form of anxiety/fear of not being productive. The excitement point, well that is easy to understand, I was excited to get started and begin working. The anxiety/fear of not being productive, has to do with the belief/idea, that what counts is the finished product – and the physical labor that is put into creating that physical product. I have seen that my mother has the same belief. And the consequence of following/living according to this belief, is that the process of consideration/looking/preparation/planning will take a backseat – and the ‘doing’ will be placed in the forefront – causing unnecessary consequences – such as in this case. Because if I would have slowed down, and meticulously planned the point, undoubtedly the results would have been a lot better.

That is the lesson to be learned. However, instead of simply learning, and moving on, I got stuck in a loop of judging myself, where I thought that I could have known, that I should have slowed myself down, that I should have pushed myself to do the necessary planning. It was a form of torment within myself. When I looked at the point I realized that the origin point of this judgment was actually not that I was dissatisfied with the result – but that I had caused a ‘loss of money’ and time. According to the capitalistic mind-set, this project and the execution of it could be defined as a waste – however – for me it was not – because the process of walking the point – what I learned from it all – WHO I WAS within the execution – all of that is still with me – and that is not something that can be defined utilizing money or used time as a marker.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, and to feel bad, and become obsessed within myself of thinking that I should have, and could have created a better result, if I would have prepared myself more and done things differently, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself this character, thinking that it was a great loss, because I lost money, and I lost time, and apparently, I need to utilize these two resources to produce and manufacture, and create monetary value, so that I am able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money and time, and see money and time, as things that I have to be careful with, because I might waste them, and think that what must be done with this resources are to generate more monetary value into my world – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful, anxious, and judgmental, when I perceive that I have used these resources to something ‘unnecessary’ and something that did not produce the necessary ‘monetary value’ that I believe is important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn from my mistakes, and then empower myself through this learning, and do that without judging myself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I learn better, that I learn more, that I learn faster, when and as I am judging myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that no, I do not learn more only because i judge myself, this is an idea that I have created, and in-fact – I do not need any emotional experience within myself to SEE, UNDERSTAND and move on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become carried away by a rush of wanting and desiring to complete and produce and see the final results – instead of pushing myself to remain methodical, structured and calm – to slow down – and to allow each point in the process to take its time – to see, realize and understand that the value of life/living/expression is not in the finished product but in the process of movement/application/walking – and within and as WHO I AM in the moments of life/living/expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that from my mistakes, I can learn a lot, and I can do that without judgment, simply by seeing and recognizing what I am dissatisfied with, and then taking that with me, and changing myself – hence – it does not have to be – in anyway a emotional or reactive point – it can simply be me learning and then moving forward to apply what I have learned

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming carried away, excited, and wanting to move ahead to the execution phase in a project, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a project is not only about the execution, that I have to see the entirety of the point, slow down, look at it, consider, prepare, and plan – that in physical reality, when doing things that I have not done before – things will move a lot smoother, and without as many problems and issues, if I give myself time to consider and look at it – and thus I see, realize and understand that each point has its time to be created – and that there is no meaning or point in trying to stress and force a project to move forward – thus I commit myself to take the time required and needed for me to walk a point of creation with the necessary attention to detail and preparation that is required for me to be able to walk the point effectively and manifest my vision into creation – there is nothing wrong about something taking a lot of time to create – in-fact all things of value and substance do take time to put into creation

When and as I see myself judging myself for having made mistakes, for having moved to fast, without consideration, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that I can learn from my mistakes without judging myself, and that it is not ‘the whole world’ that I loose money and time because of mistakes and things that could have been avoided, its simply a consequence, and I can learn from it – and hence the time has not been wasted, the money is not wasted – because it is all about WHO I AM within and as the project/expression and what I take with myself

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