Day 362: Remembering Things
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Sometimes I have difficult remembering things and usually it will be things like buying certain types of foods, or taking care of this or that responsibility. To prevent it I have tried various techniques, such as for example, using my calendar more effectively, using checklists and writing things down immediately. To a certain extent this has worked well, however, I still find that there is a tendency within me to forget.
Another interesting aspect of this is that I do not have the same difficulties in my job, or with points that are in the sphere of my interests and hobbies, or with other things that I care deeply about. I have thus seen that this point of having difficulty to remember certain things is not about memory in itself, it is about who I am in relation to memory and how I have conditioned myself to exist within myself in certain moments.
Let me share an example; a family member comes into my life. This person says asks me whether I am able to pick up X after work. I tell the person that sure, I can do that. The family member then proceeds the explain the details of the pick-up to me. This would then be a moment where I would start to feel slightly bored, unfocused, and zone out. Not because I have a short attention span, but because I do not value this particular aspect of my life as much as I would with for example my work. Hence, I would not put as much energy/presence/focus into this moment as I would if I had instead, as an example, received instructions from my colleague. The consequence of this pattern is that I would miss important information that my family member shares with me, or that I would only integrate the information on a superficial level in my mind, and that it would because of that disappear at a later stage.
What I have realized is that the real issue is how I value things, and in particular, that I have created a belief that I only have a limited amount of attention/presence/life to give to each part of my life – and that I am thus not able to value all parts of my life equally.
The solution is to push myself to value all parts of my life equally. Practically, this I will do by pushing myself to be present and fully here in all contexts of my life, and in particular, when there is a moment of relaying information, because then, if I am not fully here, I will miss the information and create consequences for myself and others at a later stage. I also see that part of the solution involves creating routines for writing down the things that I have to remember, and learning how to integrate and use a calendar more effectively in my daily life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I only have so much energy that I can spend, and that I cannot be fully invested in all parts of my life, but that I need to save, and spend my energy carefully, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that when I am HERE – I have full access to the moment and there is no need for an energy/feeling/emotion to drive me – I drive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to remain attentive, focused and HERE when it comes to planning, discussing and sharing responsibilities in my home environment – and I see, realize and understand that the solution is not complex, advanced, or difficult to apply, it simply to change WHO I AM in the moment of interaction, and instead be HERE fully
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my life, I must be HERE, and that I will create consequences for myself by placing different values on different parts of my life – because what I am doing then is that I am separating myself from that very aspect of my life – and instead approach it within either a high strung energy or a low strung energy – instead of simply walking that part of my life as a physical being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my home environment, my personal and family relationships as much as I do with for example, work, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is showing me something about myself, and my relationship with me, where I thus must ask myself, where am I not valuing my personal relationship with me? Where am I placing my relationship and agreement with myself second, but instead giving all of myself to for example, work?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my personal relationship with myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my personal relationship with myself seriously
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself seriously
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my relationship with my body seriously, but to instead value work more, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these very defined, compartmentalized rooms in my life, where I place a certain value on the content of each room, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach my life as a whole, as one, and thus not create any separation within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself, and believe that it is normal, and that it is good for me to place a higher value on my work for example
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be HERE in all parts of my life, and to value the manifestations and expressions of my life equally, to look at all that is here as ONE, and not compartmentalize and limit myself, and believe that I only have ‘so much energy’ to spend, and that I thus must keep myself contained, limited, and held back, to be able to survive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent upon me holding myself back, keeping myself in check and in control, and to believe that I must sparsely give of myself in my life, that I must save, and not waste myself on anything unnecessary, because then, apparently, I will not have the energy to survive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on me not squandering my attention/focus/presence on things that are not important to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself – believing that my attention/focus/presence is limited and that I must save it – that I must keep it tight and close to my heart – because else I might spend it unwisely and then I will not have anything left for the important parts of my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place value on myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value within and as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize real value – to not see that I do have value – and that my value is what I gift to this world that supports life to move towards expressing its utmost potential
When and as I see myself ‘zoning out’ when I am discussing responsibilities and commitments, or other things, that include a dimension of remembering something for later, I take a breath, I bring myself back here – and I stop myself – and I see, realize and understand that when I do this – what I create is forgetfulness – because I was not HERE – fully – completely in the moment – the information does not integrate – hence I commit myself to be BREATH and come back here in the physical and attentively listen to what the other is saying – and ask questions if anything is unclear – and then – if the point that must be remembered lies some time ahead in the future – as soon as I have the possibility to do so – I write the information down in my calendar
I commit myself to practically value all parts of my life equally, through pushing myself to be equally focused/attentive/here regardless of where I am at – regardless of whether I am at work – or whether I am at home