Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Place your Blogs Here
User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 19 Feb 2017, 15:28

Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... -creation/

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”

Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 25 Feb 2017, 17:21

Day 378: The Art of NOT Teasing
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... t-teasing/

Teasing, something that I have grown up, and that has been a part of my family dynamics since as far back as I can remember. Unfortunately, teasing, all though at certain times it is something that can be enjoyable for both the giver and receiver, is too many times done inappropriately – at least – this has been the case with me. And I have begun to question WHO I AM within teasing and consequences of this way of expressing myself when I do it without considering or being receptive to the responses of another.

Let me first properly define teasing, so we all know what I am talking about. These are some of the relevant dictionary definitions of the word.

To make fun of (someone) playfully or taunt annoyingly.
To say in a playful or mocking way.

Teasing becomes problematic when it is done from within and as a starting point of self-interest, then instead of being a playful moment of interaction, it becomes about enticing (manipulating) a certain response in the other person. This way of teasing tends to elicits positive feelings and experiences in the giver, a inner experience of satisfaction and pleasure, triggered by successfully being able to push the buttons of another. At that point it stops being innocent and mutually enjoyable, and instead, it becomes a matter of one individual using another for his or hers own personal gratification – and this is not acceptable.

Thus, there are two forms of teasing, the one, done from within and as a egocentric starting point where others are used as entertainment, and the other form of teasing, is done in playfulness, consideration, and respect for another. The latter form of teasing is about two or more mutually enjoying a moment of play and interaction – there is EQUALITY – something that does not exist in the former way of teasing, because there it becomes abusive and about fulfilling the needs of but one of the participants.

In my own life, I have noticed that I tend to start with a playful/supportive teasing, where both I and the other enjoy the moment. That in turn makes me even more playful and excited, and it is when I start to experience, place my focus on and live out these energies that I lose touch with REALITY and the other person. I will so to speak, take it too far – and then – without noticing or seeing how it happened – the recipient will be upset/angry/irritable – and that playful/enjoyable interaction will be lost. It is thus easy to see, that the problem and mistake that I make, is that my focus is internalized and directed towards how I experience myself energetically, and I do not keep my attention directed towards my physical reality and the interaction itself. Because, if I would have been perceptive to the other person, I would never have missed how they initially reacted/responded to my words. And the moment that I noticed, I could have made the decision to not take it any further, but to stop and ground myself – and speak/interact in a way that is mutually supportive.

Teasing, it resembles the word taser, and a taser has the specific function of transferring a massive load of energy and elicit a destructive response in the receiver – and that is very much like the destructive form of teasing – eliciting a response in another without regard or concern. Being a tease, is to lead someone on sexually, and then leave them unsatisfied, also that very much like the destructive form of teasing – where we elicit reactions in another to make us feel good – without consideration for another. Thus – it is clear that teasing is a supportive and enjoyable expression – however – it must be done in EQUALITY – it must be done from a starting point of mutual enjoyment/consideration/support/concern – if not – then it is abusive – and it will create a lot of consequences – unnecessary fights and conflicts being one of them.

Teasing, as with most other forms expressions, is not bad in itself – it is all about WHO WE ARE within it. If we are HERE, present, and together with the other person – teasing can be an awesome, enjoyable, and fun way to interact – however if we are not HERE with the other person – teasing will be a ego-driven activity which will create a lot of consequences in your relationship with another.

The SOLUTION for me: When teasing, make sure that I am here, present and together with the other person, and that I am considering, regarding and treating them as an equal.



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 28 Feb 2017, 09:27

Day 379: Investigating Glee
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... ting-glee/

In Sweden there is this saying, ‘glee is the only the real form of happiness that there is’. For me, this statement has held some truth, because for some reason, I have had a tendency of enjoying the displeasure/harm/discomfort of others a lot – sometimes a lot more than other forms of humor. I have not seen this as a problem, because I have felt as if the laughter coming from within and as glee has been unconditional and innocent – something I cannot really help – it just happens. However in looking deeper at this point, I have come to see that this laughter is only a veneer that covers deeper and at times more malicious intentions.

In looking at the general context in which I experience glee, I have been able to locate a couple of recurring elements. Firstly, the person at which the glee is directed (the trigger person/point) is showing something that I perceive to be a emotional or physical weakness, secondly I feel empowered/superior to the ‘trigger person’ because of this weakness. When these two elements come together at the same time I experience a intoxicating and bubbly feeling, that emerge from my chest, and that come through as laughter. The sound of the laughter is monotonous and more high pitched than my normal natural laughter.

Because the glee has come through physically as laughter I have justified its existence thinking that I cannot help myself, it is a natural expression, part of who I am, and I cannot do anything to change it. However, I am able to see that it is not innocent. It is a form of separation, where I am not emphatic with the person that triggers the glee. I do not see what he or she is going by standing in their shoes, I rather see the situation as entertainment and as something that empowers me. And obviously, when someone is having a difficult moment, this does not make me more than in anyway what-so-ever – and neither is the situation/moment entertaining.

The solution that I can see is to be emphatic and push myself to see the situation through standing in the shoes of the receiving person (‘trigger person/point’) – hence see it through their eyes and not my own – to allow myself to experience what they are going through and not watch it from a starting point of separation.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, go into, and express glee when people in my life show what I perceive to be emotional or physical weaknesses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relate to others and their difficulties from a starting point of oneness and equality – but to see myself as separate – and see their plight as entertainment – instead of standing one and equal and seeing the situation by standing in their shoes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand in the shoes of another and experience life from their perspective – to thus stop viewing life as separate from me, to view people as separate from me, to view the system as separate from me, and apparently there for my entertainment and my pleasure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become gleeful when things go badly for others instead of seeing the consequence as them – seeing the situation as them – and within this seeing their pain as my own – and relate to the situation from such a starting point of oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become gleeful instead of being emphatic and seeing the situation as a part of myself and not as something separate that is here to entertain me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the misfortunes of others as entertainment – instead of standing as empathy and relating to the people – seeing them as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered and superior when and as I perceive that another is showing emotional, physical or feeling weaknesses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh, enjoy myself, and amuse myself at the expense of another, when and as I perceive myself to be more powerful than another, due to a perceived emotional or physical weakness in another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself justify laughing and amusing myself within and as glee thinking that laughter and amusement is always innocent, is always trustworthy, and it is something that I can always do without harming or influencing another negatively – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself, to question all of my experiences, all of what I am, seeing, realizing and understanding that I will only ever know what is real, if I question and then see the very origin of the point within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify laughing and amusing myself at the expense of another thinking that it is innocent and without a ulterior motive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify glee thinking that it is innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow glee in my life, as a normal part of my life, because in my family, glee was a normal part of life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot use my family as a benchmark for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable – because my family has not proven themselves in writing – showing that their nature stands within and as the principle of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop glee within me when it arise and instead apply empathy – to see the pain, discomfort of another as one and equal and not as a separate point of amusement or entertainment – but as a part of myself – and thus approach from within the context of looking at how I am able to ameliorate and move this pain into a solution

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming gleeful, as I am faced with a trigger point, such as a person that is exposing something that I perceive to be a emotional or physical weakness, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that gleefulness is not supportive – it me using the pain and discomfort of others as entertainment and to feel empowered – obviously that is not a supportive solution and it does not change a thing for the person experiencing the discomfort – and hence – I commit myself to change this point to instead stand as empathy – to see the point of perceived weakness as my own – to not separate myself from it – and then move myself to find solutions to direct this weakness into and as a strength – and move the moment to become a moment building towards a world that is best for all



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 04 Mar 2017, 20:11

Day 380: Enforcing A HELL-thy Lifestyle
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... lifestyle/

The Problem

Today I faced a situation where I got to experience a less pleasurable side of myself. I am going to call this side of myself the ‘coach’-character – because what happened is that I started to coach and push my partner to do a certain thing that I perceived to be healthy. When my partner responded negatively, instead of asking why, or simply letting the point go, my attempts to get my partner unto the ‘right path’ intensified, because I perceived myself as knowing/seeing what would be the best and most healthy option for my partner. Obviously, in retrospect I am able to see that the entire moment was created because of how I have misaligned my relationship to coaching/pushing/supporting others, and to the word health – and in the following blog I am going to walk through these misalignment’s and establish solutions that I am able to live instead.

When Coaching Becomes Forcing

Coaching becomes forcing when I am trying to create/will an outcome without consideration, without being humble, without seeing the other person, where they are at, and what would be best for them. Hence, forcing comes through when I have my own personal agenda, when the support is not unconditional. Because when I have an agenda, a mission to complete, a goal to reach, then suddenly, in my mind it makes a lot more sense to force, because then I have something to lose if I do not.

However, the notion that I have something to lose if my support (what I perceive is best) does not come through the way I have imagined, that is a misaligned understanding of what it means to support. Because then it is not anymore support, then it is gratifying my own self-interest, and using the word support as an excuse to be able to continue. Obviously, support, to be what is best for all, must be done unconditionally, it must be done without a goal, desire, a personal investment in anyway what so ever, because a personal investment will cloud my clarity – and make it difficult for me to see what kind of support the person really needs.

In the case with my partner, I wanted her to do something that I perceived as healthy. My point of self-interest within this was that I wanted/desired to have a healthy and strong partner with an active lifestyle. Because I held unto my self-interest I did not hear or see my partner and where she was at, as she did not have the strength to pursue the particular activity at the moment. If I would have been clear in my starting point, this is where I could have dropped the entire point, however because I was personally vested, I pushed the point even further, and became forceful.

Solution: When I see that I can support another with a point, I make sure that I am clear and there is no personal investment, no desire, no fear, that is motivating me to achieve a particular result, because I know, that if this is the case, my support will be tainted and not unconditional. Hence – I commit myself to clear myself using self-forgiveness and writing – and to first when I stand stable – offer my unconditional support to another and give as I would like to receive.

When health becomes a HELL

Health, a word with so many meanings and that have become excessively abused in this world, causing a lot of pain and misery for many, many people. The problem with how we have defined health is that health is seen as one state, one ideal, one way of living/being/looking, and that if we are able to compress/alter/change our life/ourselves to fit into this lifestyle of health, then we are apparently healthy. However, a big problem with this way of approaching health is that we are not considering that what might be healthy for one person, can be completely unhealthy for another.

This is what I did with my partner, as I had a particular idea that it is healthy to go out and walk for a moment. And sure, that might be so in a certain context. If I am otherwise in a good shape, not sick, I have the time, and there are no other barriers, it is usually supportive to go out for a walk. However, in my partners context, she did not feel physically rested, and she instead felt that it would be best for her to remain indoors and sleep. Because of my limited definition/understanding of health – I reacted – and thought: ‘But that is not healthy? I must help my partner to do the healthy thing’.

Since then I have reflected on the word healthy – what is real health? Having a fit body does not define health – eating only vegetables does not define health – because health is obviously something much more expansive – it is not only related to physical looks, food and exercise routines. What is more important is WHO WE ARE as human beings and how we relate to our human physical bodies – where a healthy approach would be to listen and be aware of how our physical bodies respond and feel to who we are in our minds and to what we eat and how we move ourselves – and acting/living in such a way that we support our bodies to reach its utmost potential. And that potential does necessarily imply that we have abs, toned bodies and that we only eat green, vegetarian food – rather health and the way our bodies express as health will be different and unique to each body – and will also reflect the beings individuality that inhabits the body.

Thus – in this moment with my partner – my partner was healthy when she made the decision to sleep – as that was what my partners body required in that moment to be able to express and function at its full potential.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the word health through defining it as eating vegetables, working out and staying away from sugar – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand the word health, to move it, and make it part of my life, and as such give it a holistic, all encompassing definition, where it is not only about looking good, and eating good, but also about WHO I AM

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit how I live health through only focusing on my body – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that health is also about who I am within my mind, within my thoughts, who I am within my daily movement and direction, who I am within making decisions, it is the entirety of me, where I can support myself to stand within my full potential (living healthy) in all areas of my life instead of merely being concerned with how my body looks like and what I eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge certain foods as healthy, and other foods as unhealthy, and within this separate myself from certain types of food, and not eat them, even though my body is showing me through hunger/urges/movements that it wants a particular type of food that I have defined as unhealthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot understand food through labeling it as either healthy or unhealthy – because food – as with all physical parts of this reality – is multidimensional and has a different purpose/function/value depending on the context in which it is existing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical instead of standing with and as my physical and interacting with it directly – immediately – not relating to it through thinking/experiencing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand health and make it a part of myself – not something separate that I must reach and attain through eating ‘healthy food’ and doing ‘healthy stuff’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health according to what is said and written in various news papers that profess that they know what health is and how health can be reached – instead of looking within me and redefining health according to my own understanding of health – and then live health in my life in a way that is supportive and that enhances and builds me instead of destroying me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force another to do what I perceive is best – instead of understanding – learning – and being humble – to see who another is and within this also come to terms with the point that I do not necessarily know what is best for another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force my view and idea of things unto others and expect them to live and behave according to how I have defined ‘what is best’ within me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be open and humble to learning new perspectives – seeing things differently – understanding that I might not know exactly what is best – what direction to go – and how to be healthy – and that thus – it is important for me to take a breath – relax and bring myself back here into and as my human physical body – and approach the situation from within and as a stable and grounded starting point where I am open and ready to learn something new

Self-commitment statements

Solution with regards to Forcing

When and as I see myself trying to impose, push, force my way of thinking, seeing things, understanding things, and I have a reaction, that motivates me to continue to argument, and force, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in forcing, I am merely living out my own reactions, trying to have others adhere to how I experience things, thus, not supporting others to live to their utmost potential – and hence I see that this is not something that I would have wanted others to do towards me – as I would have wanted them to support me unconditionally and without their own agenda and personal investment in the point; hence I commit myself to stop my reactions and ground myself – and make sure – that if I decide to support another – that I am clear, stable and grounded – and that I speak and support from a starting point of genuinely caring for another and that they expand themselves and move to become the best that they can be

Solution to misalignment with regards to Health

I commit myself to live and apply the word health in my life with the following definition: Health is when I assist and support myself, mentally and physically, to be the best that I can be – and I do this through listening to myself and my body – being aware of what I am going through and what would be best for me – being fully and wholly open to all directions and not judging any part of the physical as ‘unhealthy’ and per definition avoiding it – hence not relying on ideas, ideals, diets and similar concepts.



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 11 Mar 2017, 08:35

Day 381: A Moment With Many Dimensions
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... imensions/

I walked through an interesting experience at work that revealed many points and it played out as follows. I was sitting with one of my superiors, to whom I usually feel inferior. We were together working on a project, and my superior asked me some questions, which I answered, in that state of inferiority/fear – with a low voice – slightly held back. It was a short answer. And now comes the interesting part, at the meeting, one of my new colleagues was present, which my superior also asked the same questions. My colleague answered with confidence, self-assurance, and I was surprised at the depth and understanding with which he spoke. This made me feel insecure and fearful, as well as jealous. I wanted to be the one to shine around my superior and show off – however – because of inferiority and fear – as well as polarized desire to impress – I was not able to express myself genuinely and to my full potential.

I see that inferiority and fear in relation to authorities is self-debilitating. I see that wanting approval from authorities is self-debilitating. I also see that my expression/movement at work should not be motivated by comparison – or rather – not the form of criticism/emotional comparison/competition that I have become used to – rather – I can use others as positive references to develop and refine my skills. For example with my colleague, I can take him as an example when it comes to speaking with self-assurance and self-confidence – and also take him as an example when it comes to trusting my own seeing and realizations – however then not to move myself in order to win or prove myself – but to move myself in such a way that I expand and grow as a person.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional, to judge myself, and criticize myself harshly when I react in inferiority/fear around my superior, and when I suppress myself because of this inferiority fear, because I fear that I have then not made a good impression on my superior, and I want and desire to make a good impression, to feel that I am worthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making a good impression on my superior, to fear not being accepted by my superior, to fear that one of my colleagues will make a better appearance, express himself more eloquently, and effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing and being judged as second best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be judged as the best by my superior – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto insecurity, to believe of myself to be less than, to believe of myself that I need the support, the understanding, the love from others to make it, that I need someone to reassure me, that I am doing good, that my decisions, that my way of expressing and moving myself at work, that it is sufficient, and that it is okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete against my colleagues and want to show off so that I can feel that I am the best – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this way of living is motivated by fear and insecurity – I am trying to show how good I am because I do not trust myself – because I do not value myself – and because I feel that I am in need of another, especially my superiors, to recognize my strengths, my abilities, my style of working, to have them say, that I am really good and effective at what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in unhealthy competition, which is a competition where I judge myself, hate myself, because I feel that I have lost, and I drive myself to win, only to feel superior, more than, and above others, instead of participating in creating a healthy competition where I accept and allow myself to see and learn from others, to take the strengths of others and make them my own, to take the powers of others and expand upon them and grow as a person for my own sake, because I want to grow as my own person – I want to become the best me for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards and push away my colleague, because I fear him, that he is better than me, and that he will take away my value and outshine me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am existing in a state of fear, thus not seeing the actual value of this moment, how I am able to learn a lot from X – because he is really good at somethings that I am not very good at – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach others from a starting point of fighting, of trying to win so that I can feel good about myself for a moment – instead of moving myself to for my own sake, and so that I later can share this with the world, expand myself to grow as a person and become more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself when I feel that I am being outmatched by another – and to believe that I am then a loser – and that I must at all costs push myself to take back my position – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact existing in a complete delusion, a self-limitation, where everything becomes about winning, and proving myself in relation to others, instead of me getting to know myself, and seeing what I would like to do/express/live for and as myself – where it is not necessarily built upon what others do or do not do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to increase my self-value through feeling on top of and better than others – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough when I am just an equal, when I living HERE in equality – to believe that there must be something added to me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my equal value and worth – to see that my equal value and worth is HERE as who I am – and that it is not something that is dependent upon me receiving attention or being seeing or liked by my superior – or me being able to outshine my colleague and better than him or her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards my colleague because I perceive him to be very direct, confident, and clear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead learn from my colleague, to observe, and to look at how my colleague is living and expressing himself – so that I can apply this within myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to my superiors and worry/fear how they might see me, and what they might think about me, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to be fired, or isolated, because I am not perceived as a likable individual – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on having others liking me – instead of placing my focus HERE in looking at how I am able to expand – push myself – and move forward within my life to create myself to become a human-being with integrity and strength – and with care for humanity and this world – with care to create something that is best for all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into inferiority/fear, and I hold myself back, through speaking with a lower voice, through limiting and hold back my physical body expression, literally diminishing myself, in relation to a superior, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of living is not worthwhile – that it does not allow me to live and express a supportive/efficient/enjoyable life – because I am not really sharing myself one and equal – I am hiding; and thus I commit myself to straighten my back, look up in the eyes of my superior, and speak with a clear and stable voice, and share myself one and equal, thus living the words of confidence, equality, and self-assurance

When and as I see myself becoming worried as to what my superior think of me, whether I have overstepped a line, done too much, or too little, whether I am in some way or another not satisfying my superior, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this tendency within me of accepting and allowing myself to be overly concerned as to what others think of me, that it limits me, and especially with my superiors, it puts me down, when I could have embraced my equality, and simply shared myself one and equal with no fears or anxieties – and thus I commit myself to share myself as an equal – to stop overthinking and analyzing who I am in relationship with another – and instead live equality and oneness HERE practically through sharing myself openly, with a clear and stable voice, sharing myself when there is something I would like to say, and not holding myself back



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 18 Mar 2017, 23:01

Day 382: Achievement and Significance
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... nificance/

The way I have decided upon a purpose and direction for myself in life has generally speaking been decided/moved by a feeling of pressure/stress/lack. Today I looked at one of the decisions I have made recently in my life, and I could see that this stress/pressure was part of my starting point – because of this I questioned the decision and decided to look deeper in the motivating factors.

What I could see was the following: My primary motivation was a emotion that ‘I am not doing enough’ – in short a emotion of inferiority, insignificance and insecurity – thus the decision was a way to balance out this inner experience and strive towards a positive polarity. Thus – what I have concluded is that in order to be able to make a decision – I have to first and foremost make sure that I am not driven and motivated by a irrational attempt to make an emotional (negative experience) into a positive experience – because through doing this – I will always be stuck in a loop – walking back and forth between a positive and a negative.

As I reflected on this point today I was able to see that this way of making decisions has in my past resulted in my creating unnecessary conflict and consequences in my life. I have forced myself to pursue and live in ways that have not been in alignment to how my life was in those moments. And I have given up on or compromised responsibilities and projects I had already decided to take on and be a part of because this other thing/decision I decided to walk.

Thus – what I can see is that the solution is to STOP trying to achieve a sense of significance through an experience/energy/feeling – significance – and what is of significance – must be a living and stable word in my life – something that I take with me and live/create every day – not by attempting to invoke feelings – but rather by living it practically and taking action in my daily life with what is already here and with the points/commitments I am already walking.

Further – the negative experience of insignificance and inferiority – these are mostly created by self-judgment and comparison – where I will judge where I am at and then try to become and make something more out of myself to ‘feel better’ – instead of – STOPPING the judgment and comparison – and focusing on making my life significant HERE through actually living it WHOLLY, FULLY and COMPLETELY – not a house divided – but ONE me HERE living and interacting fully.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not doing enough, to judge my life as not significant enough, to judge who I am, where I am, and what I am, and think that I have to become more – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at and define myself from within and as a starting point of comparison – instead of looking at myself and my life from within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my life from a starting point of comparison – instead of developing self-assurance and self-confidence – and knowing what I want to create and do with myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when my focus is out there, when my focus is trying to achieve a feeling of significance through being meaningful and special in eyes of others, that is when I loose touch with what is real, with real significance, real responsibility, real meaning, and instead, my life becomes focused on experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel special and significant, instead of standing as/living those words practically – and here I see that special – and significance – it is practical words – practical words that can be applied and lived practically in my life through for example – making sure and pushing myself to live and apply words in my life in such a way that I each day find a word – and strive/push/will myself to live and implement it in my daily reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my emotional experience of feeling ‘not good enough’ and try to ‘fix it’ through creating a polarity opposite of ‘being good enough’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding that what I should be looking at is my relationship with and as myself – because I see that this is the relationship that I am projecting unto my world – and that it is not actually becoming significant and special out there – it is about me pushing myself to walk my personal process – pushing myself to change and live in expansive and new ways that are outside of my current zone of comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to ‘be someone’ in order to feel better about myself, feel more important, special, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, my significance, my role in this life, according to how much I feel that I am worth to others, according to how much I feel that I impress others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and live naturally, organically, see, realize and understand that significance is not something that is achieved through convincing others that I am good – significance is something that I live in each moment of breath by actually making the decision to change and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hunt for achievements and significance out there instead of looking within and looking at my relationship with myself to see how I am able to live these words within me – to hence understand– that I am projecting these words ‘out there’ because I have not effectively lived and stood as them within me – thus it is still something that I desire and want to happen to me – not something that I have created and lived for and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself looking for achievement and significance ‘out there’ – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never find what I am looking for out there in the world, I will never be able to satisfy and please my urges of achieving some form of notoriety, because it is not based on a real, practical, physical life experience – it is me wanting and desiring to fill a hole in my own relationship with myself with some form of experience – thus I commit myself to practically create significance and achievement in my life through living these words practically – significance – by pushing myself to change my personalities and patterns – the who I am – markedly – moving myself to a point of definitive change – where I push myself to life my full potential and be the best that I can be – and achievement – by pushing myself beyond my comfort zones – especially when it comes to changing my relationship with myself and what I will accept and allow – to thus push what I believe myself to be capable of – and walk it through to a conclusion – thus achieving



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 25 Mar 2017, 18:46

Day 383: Projections and Imaginations
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... ginations/

I find it easy to become distracted by material things. For a while I have becoming increasingly enthusiastic, and equally anxious about changing/altering/refining certain parts of my living quarters. From being an innocent hobby, it has escalated, and moved, and now, I am basically daily imagining and fantasizing about new projects. The problem is that it is done, usually, from a starting point of anxiety, from a starting point of lack, where I perceive that there is something amiss in my life at the moment, and that I desperately need to direct/change/alter the point in order to streamline my life. Hence, the problem is not the actual changes, alterations I want to make, the problem is WHO I AM. I see this experience as symptomatic – and fact is that I suspect it actually originates in a different part of my life – and that it then moves itself into for example the dimension of my life where I deal with hobbies.

Thus – the problem I would say – the actual deep rooted problem – is my habit of approaching things from within and as a starting point of lack/anxiety – because if I would have not done that – then the projects I see around my home would simply have been that – projects – that I might or might not get to one day that does not change WHO I AM in anyway what-so-ever. That is the point that I want to get to. Because I do not want to distract myself, and exist in this state of continuous fear/lack/anxiety that I am missing something, or that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing. I will thus push myself to live the word abundance – to embrace the abundance that is all around me in my life in the form of the physical with all its various expressions – nature, breathing, sensations, physical relationships, I mean there is so much to be aware of and discover, that disappears when I accept and allow my mind to be cluttered by anxiety/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on new projects in my mind, and then become stressed when I notice that I do not have the time to fulfill/walk them completely, and then become stressed and anxious, because I still try to walk and complete them – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this behavior – to not question why I feel that need and urge to continue walking and pushing myself to complete and fulfill a particular point even though I notice there is not enough time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with taking on and moving new points into and as a form of fulfillment and completion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to make my environment, my life, and my world seem perfect, and then create, and form all of these projects in my mind that I perceive I have to get to and finish for my life, and world to become what I want it to become, instead of remaining stable, and questioning this way of approaching life, questioning, why the hell I get this experience within me, and why I feel there is such a shortage of time, and why I require, or feel the requirement, and need to push myself so severely, and harshly, to ‘get by’ and ‘make it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with achieving perfection in my outside world and reality – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is literally a distraction – something that captures the attention of my mind – a point that I get focused and hooked upon – where I then lose touch and connection with reality because all of myself – all of my mind – is caught up in this state and experience of wanting to achieve perfection – picture perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to achieve material perfection through altering and changing my life to make sure that all parts of it works – and is perfect – that there is no flow – no mistake – nothing in my life that in anyway gives away that there is a problem and difficulty in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this way of becoming obsessed with the material side of my world as a way to escape and distract myself from walking my inner process of self-change and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what this tendency is showing to me – is that I too serious within myself when it comes to material success in this world – and that I am accepting and allowing myself to be all too possessed with making sure that I acquire material success and notoriety – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and smell the roses – to push myself to walk in the moment and not be so serious and determined to reach some kind of future that is not even here – to reach a future that I am not even able to at this moment clarify to myself exactly where it is that I am going and why

When and as I see myself going into a imagination, looking at, projecting myself into the future, from a starting point of lack/anxiety/fear – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not realistic – it is based on a idea of lack and that I have to fight/move/push hard in order to stabilize my value and get to a point of equality – instead of embracing my equality HERE – embracing the abundance that is HERE – seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need nor do I require to accept and allow myself to limit who I am according to what I am able to produce and build, create, in the external – and thus I commit myself to breathe – to let go of material possessions and the anxiety/fear related to these – and I commit myself to live abundance within and as every moment of breath – to use each moment to integrate and stand with and as my human physical body – and the abundance that is HERE



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 01 Apr 2017, 17:15

Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... structure/

I find it easy to become distracted by material things. For a while I have becoming increasingly enthusiastic, and equally anxious about changing/altering/refining certain parts of my living quarters. From being an innocent hobby, it has escalated, and moved, and now, I am basically daily imagining and fantasizing about new projects. The problem is that it is done, usually, from a starting point of anxiety, from a starting point of lack, where I perceive that there is something amiss in my life at the moment, and that I desperately need to direct/change/alter the point in order to streamline my life. Hence, the problem is not the actual changes, alterations I want to make, the problem is WHO I AM. I see this experience as symptomatic – and fact is that I suspect it actually originates in a different part of my life – and that it then moves itself into for example the dimension of my life where I deal with hobbies.

Thus – the problem I would say – the actual deep rooted problem – is my habit of approaching things from within and as a starting point of lack/anxiety – because if I would have not done that – then the projects I see around my home would simply have been that – projects – that I might or might not get to one day that does not change WHO I AM in anyway what-so-ever. That is the point that I want to get to. Because I do not want to distract myself, and exist in this state of continuous fear/lack/anxiety that I am missing something, or that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing. I will thus push myself to live the word abundance – to embrace the abundance that is all around me in my life in the form of the physical with all its various expressions – nature, breathing, sensations, physical relationships, I mean there is so much to be aware of and discover, that disappears when I accept and allow my mind to be cluttered by anxiety/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on new projects in my mind, and then become stressed when I notice that I do not have the time to fulfill/walk them completely, and then become stressed and anxious, because I still try to walk and complete them – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this behavior – to not question why I feel that need and urge to continue walking and pushing myself to complete and fulfill a particular point even though I notice there is not enough time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with taking on and moving new points into and as a form of fulfillment and completion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to make my environment, my life, and my world seem perfect, and then create, and form all of these projects in my mind that I perceive I have to get to and finish for my life, and world to become what I want it to become, instead of remaining stable, and questioning this way of approaching life, questioning, why the hell I get this experience within me, and why I feel there is such a shortage of time, and why I require, or feel the requirement, and need to push myself so severely, and harshly, to ‘get by’ and ‘make it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with achieving perfection in my outside world and reality – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is literally a distraction – something that captures the attention of my mind – a point that I get focused and hooked upon – where I then lose touch and connection with reality because all of myself – all of my mind – is caught up in this state and experience of wanting to achieve perfection – picture perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to achieve material perfection through altering and changing my life to make sure that all parts of it works – and is perfect – that there is no flow – no mistake – nothing in my life that in anyway gives away that there is a problem and difficulty in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this way of becoming obsessed with the material side of my world as a way to escape and distract myself from walking my inner process of self-change and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what this tendency is showing to me – is that I too serious within myself when it comes to material success in this world – and that I am accepting and allowing myself to be all too possessed with making sure that I acquire material success and notoriety – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and smell the roses – to push myself to walk in the moment and not be so serious and determined to reach some kind of future that is not even here – to reach a future that I am not even able to at this moment clarify to myself exactly where it is that I am going and why

When and as I see myself going into a imagination, looking at, projecting myself into the future, from a starting point of lack/anxiety/fear – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not realistic – it is based on a idea of lack and that I have to fight/move/push hard in order to stabilize my value and get to a point of equality – instead of embracing my equality HERE – embracing the abundance that is HERE – seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need nor do I require to accept and allow myself to limit who I am according to what I am able to produce and build, create, in the external – and thus I commit myself to breathe – to let go of material possessions and the anxiety/fear related to these – and I commit myself to live abundance within and as every moment of breath – to use each moment to integrate and stand with and as my human physical body – and the abundance that is HERE



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 06 Apr 2017, 21:38

Day 385: Structuring Life, What Have I Realized Thus Far?
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... -thus-far/

I have now for a while been practicing living the word STRUCTURE. Thus far I have come to see, realize and understand a couple of things in relation to living this word. Firstly, in order to be able to live structure it is important to follow through on my plans – because structuring my life through using timetables, calendars and to-do-lists is only worthwhile if I actually commit myself to follow these. Hence, the word/expression ‘follow-through’ I have found to be very important.

Closely related to ‘follow-through’ is discipline. I have realized that it takes discipline to live structure. For me, this is because I have a tendency to become too impulsive and spontaneous, and sometimes, motivated by stress/anxiety to try and take on and do all things at the same time. Utilizing discipline however, I can push myself to remain consistent and true to my plans – which helps me to remain earthed/practical/rational with regards to how I use my time. With Structure, I can create an overview, however it takes discipline to then stick to the small steps which I have mapped out from that ‘overview’ position – because when I am in the middle of everything – it is easy to get sidetracked and digress.

Living and standing as the word structure is thus a combination of many different words and expressions. This is what makes it challenging to live structure – and especially for me – the challenge has been remain true to my initial commitments. Hence, when I have noticed that I digress, I have applied a technique where I stop up, slow myself down, and breathe for a few moments, and then I return to that point of having a overview, and from there, I look at what is required to be done next. And usually, what causes me to digress is some form of feeling or emotional, where suddenly, I experience something different as very relevant to pursue, though when looking at the point objectively, with clarity, that urge/stress is in-fact not real.

I have also found that structure is not only about time, planning and what happens in my external reality. Structure can also be applied within me. For example, making a decision to always apply self-forgiveness upon, and direct internal experiences as they arise, that is a type and form of structure/platform. Or, simply writing a self-commitment statement, where I specify how to deal with and direct myself in relation to a certain point, that is a form of structure. Thus – structure is an expansive word – that can be lived in a variety of ways – and thus far – I have primarily explored it in the context of work/career – however I do see a lot of potential with regards to living the word in other parts of my life as well.



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1323
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 09 Apr 2017, 07:02

Day 386: HEa(LL)th and Investigating the Limitations of Defining Self According to Body Image
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... ody-image/

Body image, we give it so much value, even though it is not that important, because at the end of the day how much of our self-experience is dependent upon how we look like? Not much. In-fact, because we obsess about our body image, we miss that qualities/characteristics that are of real importance in our life’s. Skills such as communication, trustworthiness, understanding, empathy and various other types of expressions – that is what determines our life – and unless we develop those – we will not be able to experience life to its fullest.

Lately, I have faced my body image ideas/judgments more intensely – and in particular how I have connected body image to the word health. I am in this blog going to investigate, through self-forgiveness, my relationship with body image and health – and how I have come to limit these two words by defining/seeing them in a very limited and superficial context.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as having a body that is fit, athletic and thin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as looking good, as having a perfect body image, as looking perfect, looking nice, looking beautiful and getting positive attention because of that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as being accepted by others and noticed by others because of how I look like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and judge my body according to its image and define it as either healthy or unhealthy depending on the image – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose touch with my body as the physical matter that is beyond looks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better I look the more healthy I will become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better I look that the happier I will be, and the better sex I will have, and the more peaceful I will be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outcome of my life is dependent upon how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outcome of my life, my future, my process, is dependent on how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the body image all important, to define myself according to body image, and to worry about body image, not seeing, realizing and understanding that body image does not determine who I am, body image does not determine whether I am healthy or not, and I cannot, by merely looking at myself in a mirror, establish a relationship with my human physical body – and hence I see, realize and understand that, that solution is in embracing the physical – my human physical body – without reference to the image – to breathe and ground myself into the very cells, into each and every breath, into my muscles, into my bones, and to feel my body – and to discipline myself to only relate to my body through this depth of connection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand, get to know, become intimate with my human physical body, through connecting with my body in the depths of its existence – through connecting with my body in each and every breath – where I breathe in and feel all of my body as how it really feels like beyond image, looks, and judgments – and thus I commit myself to BREATHE – I commit myself to each time I want to relate to my body through judgment – to take a deep breath and instead move myself inwards – move myself into my body – into the flesh of my physical body – and see, realize and understand that this is where the solution lies – that is where I can establish a real, sustainable and deep relationship with my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adopt the beliefs of my parents and friends, thinking that I can determine the nature and condition of my body by merely looking at it, not seeing, realizing and understanding that as with all things, in order to understand them, I have to immerse myself, I have to get my hands dirty, I have to move inwards and look at the point from within as how it really exists, one and equal – and thus I commit myself to through effective BREATHING, through progressive muscle relaxation, and through reading up on and studying the functions of the physical body – practice and build a relationship with my human physical that goes beyond image and looks and that is deep, fulfilling – and based on UNDERSTANDING




Return to “7 Years Journey to Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron