Day 388: Is It Possible To Be Too Ambitious?
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Since becoming a father, one of the ways in which my life has radically changed has been that I have a lot less time at my disposal. On a usual weekday, I am able to get home from work, deal with my responsibilities, and then there might be an hour left for me to do with as I decide. Naturally the weekends has come to represent the ‘time’ when I get to really have time for my projects and more time consuming responsibilities. Because of this the weekends are usually packed with things that I have planned that I am going to do. Unfortunately, because I have planned SO many things during the weekend, my schedule tends to become too ambitious. The consequences thereof is that I haste through my tasks, that I become frustrated when things take longer than what I initially planned, and that I become stressed when I see the clock moving forward with unbreakable determination.
I discussed this with my partner, and she brought up the point that I might be too ambitious with my activities/projects/things I desire to be done during the weekdays and weekends and that this then causes me to become/live in a state of stress pressure – and where my responsibilities become burdens/shackles – and not something that I am doing/taking part of as an expression of myself. I can see that she has a point. Instead of realigning my plans when things get too tight, I try to squeeze everything in there through forcing myself to move faster, think faster, do things faster. Hence, from my perspective, I can benefit from approaching this point in a wholly different way – and some of the alignments that I see I have to do is to be less ambitious with my planning – and also – to practice becoming more flexible and easy-going when I see that my plans will not hold up – and that there is a lack of time.
Thus, two words comes up for me that I want to look at/redefine/live in my life to solve this problem of mine: Realistic and Flexible.
What is interesting about the word realistic is that, from my perspective, it should be natural to be realistic, considering that we have grown up in a world, that is realistic, and that we are continuously throughout our days faced with a REAL reality. Hence, the reason why I have had difficulty to be realistic is because I have obscured my clarity with feelings and emotions, in this case, particularly hope and fear. Fear being the central point of motivation, where I fear not getting done certain things, and then hope, as the energy that I use to suppress my fear and fool myself that I am able to do and get to more things than what I am actually able to handle.
To live realistic practically would thus be to FORGIVE and LET GO of my fears, and then to proceed making decisions about my day without hope. Instead, I will practice myself to see my reality for what it is – simply for what it is – nothing more than – nothing less than – instead PHYSICAL reality – what is ACTUALLY here for real.
Flexible, being able to change direction, change plans, change mindset on the go. This is important, because when something is not working, when there is in-fact to little time for me to walk through an ambitious schedule, that is when it is important to notice this, and allow myself to change direction. Hence to live flexibility with regards to this point would be the ability to act in the moment and dare to change and veer of path when I see that this is the best direction to go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on too much, to be too ambitious, to try to do too much, and because of that, stretch myself thin, and become stressed and worried, because suddenly, I am not anymore in control, and what seemed to be so simple and easy to get done in my mind, is not as simple and easy in real life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a ‘minor value complex’ – where I believe that the way I prove my value and worth is by making sure that I can recognition from others because of how many things that I am able to do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to establish my value in life by actions and by showing how good I am at what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself to do too much – and to because of that – become locked into a trapped in a state of fear and anxiety – because no matter how much I try to do – there is always more to be done
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to relax and settle down and be realistic and easy going with my demands, with my schedules and plans for what I am going to do and achieve with the time I have at my disposal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible and realistic when it comes to what I have to do, the time at my disposal, and what I am able to get done without placing undue strain on myself – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – to bring myself back here – and make sure that I am realistic, calm and flexible, so that I can approach responsibilities and projects with stability
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan for too much, and then become stressed and anxious when my plans do not match my reality – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in my tendency of planning for, and doing too much, not remaining practical and grounded with my plans, and seeing what could work, and also, not placing any value into how much I get done, but instead doing as much as I am able to in any given moment, and not defining myself as less than or more than depending upon how much I am able to achieve
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create too much to do in my mind from a starting point of fear of not getting enough/sufficient with things done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and contain myself into and as a state of stress/anxiety/wanting to get things done – and constantly strive to get more things done – because constantly feel that I am not doing enough things
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/practical/common sensical when I make plans/decisions as to what I am going to do throughout my day
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/specific and use my experience as to how much time a certain point takes to bring through and complete when I make plans – and then if I notice that I have more or less time – to be flexible and change my plans according to what is required
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relax, to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, when I make plans and look at how to arrange my day – to make sure that I am not driven by an anxiety or fear – but that I am moving myself within and as common sense – that I am walking and pushing myself from within and as a starting point of stability – and that I do not try to within stress/haste – grab any opportunity to make things work out because I fear the consequences if I do not
When and as I see myself making plans or looking at how I am going to arrange my day from within and as a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – I take a breath – I bring myself back here and I see, realize and understand that in making plans from this experience, I am going to make unrealistic plans, I am going to make plans that I will then hurry, fight, and be anxious/worried about completing, because there simply is not enough time to complete them within, and hence I commit myself to practice being realistic and specific when making plans – to be stable when I do them – to thus also understand that at times I will to be less ambitious with certain points – at other times I will to prioritize and not do other things – that I must weigh and consider what is most important and then learn to make a decision