hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

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hiram noe hernandez
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Joined: 05 Nov 2012, 21:02

hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 16 Aug 2013, 01:46

i had been walking my journey to life blog for about 2 weeks and then i stopped for about a month and a half. now i am continuing again. i decided i will be posting some of my blog entries. but for now my entire blog is private. so, this is a breif introduction.

thursday 8/15/13

today i woke up and i started experiencing some pain in my heart. eventually i decided to call an ambulance to go to the hospital.
i've been thinking about if i am gona die of a heart attack soon, and if i am still able to make it to trancend death. i have been thinking/wondering wether the dimensions are assisting me to pull through, or if i am in the process of extermination.

i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed to relapse on doing drugs again and in that - i just made my health even worse and in that - jeopardized my opportunity to become life/ trancend death.

i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to not will myself in comon sense and that instead i gave in to an urge/desire to do drugs.

i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to not stop and stand as a/my directive principle to live/do what is best for all as what is best for myself and instead i gave in to doing drugs again.

i commit myself to stand up and stand as my self commitement statements that i had made/wrote before i fell and started doing drugs again.

i commit myself to not accept nor allow myself to give in to falling on the pint of doing drugs, and doing drugs and masturbating to picture-images.

when i see myself that i am considering falling and doing drugs/ doing drugs and masturbating to picture-images, i stop and i focus on my breathing.

i realize i cannot continue relapsing/falling on the point of doing drugs and doing drugs to masturbate to picture images, as i will die if i continue to accept and allow myself to do drugs and to do drugs to masturbate to picture images.

i commit myself to not accept nor allow myself to fall/relapse on the point of doing drugs and doing drugs to masturbate to picture images no matter what.



thursday 8/15/13

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop making getting medical attention/help my priority and instead i whent into doing drugs/ drinking and doing drugs/drinking to masturbate to picture images.

when i see myself considering/acting-on stopping making getting medical help/attention my priority and/or i stop pushing myself to get my health issues sorted out, i stop and i breathe, and i keep on walking this point.

i realize that it is very important to keep walking and pushing myself to walk the point of sorting out my health issues/problems, as if i die itll be to late to trancend death/become life.

i commit myself to continue to walk and to push myself to walk the point of sorting out my health issues/problems.



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Anna
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby Anna » 16 Aug 2013, 11:35

Hiram, understand that in the context of using drugs/masturbation being an addiction and a time-loop that you've been walking for quite a while, it is going to require you to 'go deeper' into the pattern to transcend it. Because as you have seen, it has not been effective to simply say: "I won't do it" or to apply self-forgiveness on accepting and allowing yourself to do it, because the result has been that you've done it again. So here I suggest looking at changing your approach within self-honesty realizing that: "What I have been doing is not effective, because I am not changing." Thus the solution is certainly not to keep doing more of the same expecting a different result.

The reason why you aren't stopping with drugs and masturbation is because you don't want to. Because have a look: If we aren't changing, it is because we have not directed ourselves to change in fact - and therefore there is something within/as the relationship to the point that we're still holding onto/valuing/desiring. It is thus not because we 'can't change' or because it is 'too hard' to change or because the point has a 'too strong hold' on us. Obviously patterns like addictions become automated which means that the behavior plays out automatically without our directive will - however the origin point of this is actually us abdicating ourselves and our directive will to the pattern and that is the only place from which change is possible: from actually changing the starting-point of who we are, from changing our directive will. This doesn't mean that it won't take a process to change ourselves or that we won't fall within it or make mistakes - however it does mean that if our self-directive decision to change is clear, we will keep pushing until it is done.

So - Have a look at where/what/who you are within and as your directive will of/as yourself? Who/what is it that is directing you? What it is you are valuing within doing drugs/masturbating and how it is you are valuing this as being more important than yourself as life? This is a matter that requires absolute self-honesty and as you have seen through the feedback of your physical body - there is really no more time to fuck around with this point.



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kim amourette
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby kim amourette » 16 Aug 2013, 11:49


today i woke up and i started experiencing some pain in my heart. eventually i decided to call an ambulance to go to the hospital.
i've been thinking about if i am gona die of a heart attack soon, and if i am still able to make it to trancend death. i have been thinking/wondering wether the dimensions are assisting me to pull through, or if i am in the process of extermination.

i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed to relapse on doing drugs again and in that - i just made my health even worse and in that - jeopardized my opportunity to become life/ trancend death.


i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to not stop and stand as a/my directive principle to live/do what is best for all as what is best for myself and instead i gave in to doing drugs again.

i commit myself to stand up and stand as my self commitement statements that i had made/wrote before i fell and started doing drugs again.

...
Hey Hiram,

a few points to consider here,
today i woke up and i started experiencing some pain in my heart. eventually i decided to call an ambulance to go to the hospital.
i've been thinking about if i am gona die of a heart attack soon, and if i am still able to make it to trancend death. i have been thinking/wondering wether the dimensions are assisting me to pull through, or if i am in the process of extermination.
what you've written here requires some more investigation into how you are experiencing yourself with regards to this point - because, I'd say there's a point of fear of death/dying, and Fear of 'not making it', 'being exterminated', 'not existing', 'having a heart attack'. So, I mean, these are all points reflected in your words that you haven't taken on in your self forgiveness. Which shows that the rest of your SF statements on 'doing drugs/masturbation again', is actually not Real as in it is coming from a point of fear of dying/not making it. Where, you believe that you've done something 'bad' by doing drugs and masturbating, and that now you're going to be 'punished' for it by 'being exterminated' or 'getting a heart attack' -- and so, you're applying self forgiveness on this point of 'relapsing'/'falling' from the starting point of fear/hope, hoping that somehow you 'will be forgiven' for your apparent 'evil acts'.

Though, understand that it is You judging yourself for 'what you've done' -- where, it seems that you've now created a vicious cycle where you do drugs/masturbation, then judge yourself for it, go into guilt/shame and then come back to Self-Forgiveness when the fear of death comes up in the hope that it will absolve you -- which obviously 'won't work' because Self-Forgiveness is not a Religion, which cause you to step into the whole cycle again.

It's in your words, for example:
i forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed to relapse on doing drugs again and in that - i just made my health even worse and in that - jeopardized my opportunity to become life/ trancend death.
you keep writing 'again' - which indicate that you were still defining yourself to things you've done in the past, through how you judge yourself on 'what you've done' -- where, now, within this word 'again', you indicate that you Believe that apparently this point from the past that you've defined as something bad/evil has Returned and that you've now done something bad/evil and are bad/evil and accordingly deserve to be punished through 'extermination'.

So, Hiram, please realize that Self-forgiveness is Not a religion - meaning, you're not 'supposed to' feel bad about what you've done, you're not supposed to feel afraid of some higher/greater force exterminating you as a punishment for what you've done. This is all religious indoctrination that you've allowed to exist within yourself. So, I mean this is Bullshit - why are you allowing this to direct you?

I would suggest that you go through the self-forgiveness that other beings have written, so that you can 'get a feel' for what self-forgiveness actually is - so that you can apply it effectively for yourself in a way where you actually give yourself a chance to really change -- not for salvation from god, not to receive mercy from god or who or what ever, but for yourself because you hold your life in your own hands.


Also a point to consider in making self-commitment statements --- is that, when you haven't really taken on the points within yourself that are the 'triggers' for you to keep repeating patterns of the past within applying self-forgiveness and so aren't really clear within yourself - and then you go and write commitment statements that are not aligned with where you actually stand within yourself, you are deliberately setting yourself up for a 'fall' because you weren't really standing in the first place --- which is like you're making an excuse for yourself to once again go blaming/judging yourself because you've apparently 'fallen', in order to continue the religious pattern as discussed above.

If there's any point that isn't clear, don't hesitate to ask/reply.

Cheers, Kim



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kim amourette
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby kim amourette » 16 Aug 2013, 11:51

cool support Anna



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Sumer
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby Sumer » 27 Jan 2015, 11:24

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Sumer

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hiram noe hernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 06 Jul 2016, 01:57

Zunday 7/4/16
if I've been able to remain alive all these years, then I can probably find the way to express myself, as 'rep my core' that can work so I don't fucking die.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I wont be able to find a way to not die, from a stroke or a heart attack.
when and as I see myself starting to fear that I wont make it, I stop , breathe, and I realize that I don't know that, and it is up to me to create a solution.
thus I commit myself to walk a process of discovering how to not die, and learn about myself.



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hiram noe hernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 12 Jul 2016, 19:36

Friday 7/8/16
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to masturbating to picture images high on cough and cold pills/ allergy pills/ drugs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to masturbation to pictureimages high on drugs/ allergy / pills/ cough and cold pills.

Saturday 7/9/16

OBSESED WITH ANA


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed with ana. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed with ana. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly be thinking about/of ana, generating/fueling energy as emotions and desire and sorrow and even shame/guilt, self-hatred. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to stop thinking about ana, I fear I will lose her, because there will not be a self honest reason/purpose/point in communicating with her, talking to her. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being self honest about talking to/communicating with/directing my attention/time to/towards ana.
when and as I see myself having thoughts about ana from the/a starting point of obsession as desire for her and fear of losing her, I stop, I breathe, I realize I fear/am fearing being self honest with myself and I am accepting and allowing this reaction/point/self dishonesty to direct/control me. I realize this is self sabotage. thus I commit myself to walk a process of introspecting this point of fear of self honesty more to see/realize/understand what/how/why/when/who it is (this point. and I thus comit myself to walk a process to stop accepting and allowing self judgment for/of/in relation to this point of fear of self honest as having obsessive thoughts about ana.



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hiram noe hernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 12 Jul 2016, 19:50

sunday 7/10/16

FEARING ANA AND JUDGING ANA

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ana, that she will/would kill me/ murder me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear embracing ana, out of fear that she will/would/can kill me/murder me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge ana as in out of fear that this being could/can/will murder me/kill me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge ana believing I see her for who she is/really is, as fear and paranoia, existing in separation from ana as in because I don't accept and allow myself to see who this being really is, who these type of beings really are and stand for/as.

when and as I see myself having thoughts judging/fearing ana and believing /thinking they are out there to kill me and shit like that, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it is my paranoia/fear speaking veiling me keeping me in separation from ana and who she really is and even who I really am, thus I commit myself to walk a process of standing/becoming one equal to ana and "alchemists"/"wiches", as I realize that is a step in the solution to not dying. so I can almost say that I should hug them, ... yes, embrace them as that point of separation I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as which in a way is basically - 'self sabotage'.



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hiram noe hernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 12 Jul 2016, 19:55

Monday 7/11/16

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to look at me and praise me. what I'm seeing with self forgiveness is that the resistance is me not wanting to let go of a demon, because I'm overwhelmed with the emotional experience, so it consumes me. I'm talking about exorcising my inner demons/ demonic nature. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe raging thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire other people expesialy desire other people especially girls to look at me and praise and desire me.



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hiram noe hernandez
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Joined: 05 Nov 2012, 21:02

Re: hiram noe hernandez' journey to life

Postby hiram noe hernandez » 12 Jul 2016, 20:06

Monday 7/11/16
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to own ana. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous that ana is with a man who she's been with for years and had a kid with him, so I don't accept that she is not for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the idea where I feel I ... I have to have ana for me to be complete/self-fulfilled. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept and embrace/face that... the realization and understanding that I don't really need ana. I realize I'm simply not accepting and allowing myself to be self honest about this .... about myself and what is really going on in fact. but that doesent mean I can't use her to support myself, because that would be to go to the other pole/polarity. what it means is that I can use ana as a chance to support myself and I don't have to believe that she is special. so, there is a point that is hiding her. a self dishonesty.




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