Day 57- Avoidance: Memory Dimension (Part 3)
“Instead, I accept and allow a new reality in which, after investigating all the points/aspects/dimensions associated with a point in the mind, I then script a new reality for myself in which these aspects do not together constitute a program/pattern/behavior that limits me, but that I’ve mapped for myself a new way of living/being/expressing.” –Day 56- Redefining Success
I’m going to pick up on the Unsuccessful Character. This character doesn’t believe that success is likely or possible. Instead, the unsuccessful character has been created from a memory within and as my mind as a way for me to trap myself into not being consistent or effective in my reality.
I have a Memory within and as me of my mother laughing at me and telling me I wasn’t disciplined enough in order to be successful as a professional soccer player. I love soccer at the time and enjoyed being relatively good at it. Thus, upon then reacting within the suppression of striving towards or achieving this goal, I instead created this weird energy around the idea/concept/reality of success. Instead of seeing success as a measurable and definable thing consisting of concrete goals against which one can measure oneself as one strives to achieve this goal, I created a weird sort of giddy positive energy towards success. I have long since suppressed my expression of/as success, believing that who I am as the mind is undeserving of this success. Having slipped into Depression, I stopped even feeling the positive energies in/as relation to success and was completely consumed by, for example, self-limiting thoughts to/towards success, and emotions like ‘I have been betrayed’, ‘I am unloved’, ‘no one cares about what is best for me’.
Thus, based upon a belief/fear that I wasn’t good enough to become successful, based upon a Memory and its reactions to being told I couldn’t be successful within what I had dreamed, I have now created this entire vast personality program that even turned into avoidance behavioral patterns where I avoid socializing with people. This only creates consequences that serve to create energetic reactions that: serve to feed and perpetuate the program to: you guessed it, keep me trapped in a cycle of negative/neutral reactions to/towards the point without ever giving myself the chance to live/express the point in reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear success.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that fearing success implies that I have create a personality program around avoiding success based upon a resistant to the negative emotional energies I’ve built up and failed to release around the idea of success. As my feelings are nearly completely suppressed within and as me, I have experienced the rather boring reality of switching between thoughts, essentially neutrally charged pictures as images that are meant to resemble the real thing, but are merely experienced within 3-D by the being within the mind, and emotions, which are negative experiences.
I forgive myself for holding onto resentment towards my mother for the memory I have of her telling me that I couldn’t become a professional soccer player.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I’ve used and utilized this initial Memory to/towards achieving success, the expression of which was rejected by the external reality I knew and subsequently suppressed, imprinted, contained, and stored within and as me, to create a Personality System of the Suppressed Character.
When and as I see myself participating in a Character of Suppression/Depression, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize and understand that this Depression Character does not serve me but consists of the energies I’ve created around the initial negative emotional reaction I had of anger and betrayal to being told I could not become a successful professional soccer player, despite believing initially in myself that it was capable.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and realize how I have, since that time forward, participated in the behavioral dimension of this Character System by not even attempting to achieve Success in anything that truly would have furthered who I am as a being.
Thus, I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize how this Depressed Character is related to the Avoidance Character, where, instead of actively going out and seeking interactions that would influence me to transcend my stuckness in my internal and external realities, I avoid socializing and thus having to expose myself altogether.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the emotional energy of guilt as it relates to avoidance to possess me wherein I have accepted and allowed this negative emotional energy of guilt to direct me to participate in physical avoidance of people- instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding how, why and specifically in what ways this construct has been created in my life and what I can do to avoid repeating the consequences of it again.
I thus forgive myself for allowing myself to disempower myself in relation to the emotional energy of guilt for avoiding people, allowing myself to revel in the negative emotional energy of disempowerment- instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I have thus indicated that I am giving my power away to an emotion- just energy in my mind- and that I can in fact change my behavior to no more participate in avoidance for the sake of continually participating my participation in negative emotional energies of self-pity and guilt and fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in short-term feeling-energy fixes as a way of temporarily reprieving myself from the constant and continuous shifting from neutral thoughts to emotions, whereby I have, instead of taking care of myself in my reality, I have relied upon and become addicted to and dependent upon for the my beingness’ sake, these vices as cigarettes and pot and coffee and alcohol.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize how it is that fear of failure as part of this unsuccessful character has prevented me from attempting anything that would transcend this state of lacking success.
When and as I see myself fear success, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that this fear is part of a mind-consciousness system program and thus = not real. I bring myself back to reality with the breath and commit myself to no more be directed by these negative emotions to/towards Success, but to see and realize the sound energy of Sex within Success inasmuch as living both worlds: Success, that is, and Sex, by living in these worlds I am gifting myself the understanding and realization and demonstration of my recognition of the relationship between success and sex: in how, due to how our reality is constitued, one is required to both: A)Become successful and B)Have a healthy sex life.
Suggest check out the Relationship Success Course at Desteniiprocess.com or the relationship success tools available on Eqafe.com: Sex & Relationships.
Finally, I would recommend to check out the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs for examples of self-corrective writing and the application of self-change within/as reality as this place we all share.