Tyler's Journey to Life

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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 20 Sep 2016, 04:16

Day 10- Rejecting Sex Personality

A point came up in my reality that wasn’t really a negative point or a positive point, but simply provides a lesson on my approach to a certain taboo subject: sex.

With this point I commit myself to exploring and expressing sex as a healthy, normal part of human functioning, but not to allow and accept myself to suppress and deny myself sexual experiences by going into thoughts as the mind wherein I activate the Rejecting Sex Personality. Here, I will deny myself sexual opportunities as they arise simply due to an engrained pattern of denying myself sex. I can see that this point of denying myself sex is connected to and related with my defining sex as more-than.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as more-than wherein I seek sexual experiences expressly for the purpose of comparing myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself not realize that rejecting sex is my reaction to fearing being rejected in a sexual experience I might like to have. At the same time, I see and realize that it is only I can that move myself to create (or not create) a sexual experience with another, if only by initiating and carrying through with it via direct verbal communication.

Thus, another dimension of all this is the fear of actually following through with fulfilling my sexual desires and thoughts. Somehow along the way- I accepted and allowed myself to compartMENTALize sexual thoughts/behavior within sex systems and thus lost my way in owning and allowing myself the space to express sexual thoughts and behavior. It says something about the pervasiveness of sexual repression in society that a lot of my sex-denying behavior is sub- or un-conscious.

And with sex, its not so much my denying myself a positive experience, but it actually feels bad afterwards, like a lost opportunity that I purposely sabotaged myself from having. I believe there are long term consequences for this kind of sex avoiding behavior, as well, and do not with to reap such consequences in my life.

I’ve made receiving sex a big thing, wherein receiving it was connected to my self-esteem, wherein I defined being someone who receives regular sex is better than someone who eschews such behavior, as if it made someone more normal or more powerful or more bold. Thus, when opportunities actually come up to express myself sexually, I denied myself also those parts of myself that I have defined as connected with being someone who has regular sex.

I commit myself to not engage in sex from the starting point of wanting to compare myself to another, but to instead redefine sex for myself as a natural outflow/expression of myself, one which I am allowed to explore and apply in my reality without fearing backlash in the form of judgements from either myself or others.

I commit myself to decouple sexual expression from society’s definition of such, to instead explore and learn about and own my own sexual expression- one that I am ok with and comfortable inhabiting.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 26 Sep 2016, 06:15

Day 11- Projecting Weakness = Fearing Weakness

I realized that I hold a judgement of another as weak. What this person is reflecting back to me is my own resistance to standing up/speaking out in my reality where I shirk from opportunities to stand up to others in my reality or stand up for myself. Then, I project this resistance on another and start to judge and blame them for not standing up to the person I didn't stand up to in my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to person X.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for person Y to stand up to person X and, when they don't, to judge them as weak.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I fear weakness within myself due to and because of comparing myself with others within my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself with others within my mind, wherein I categorize those who are strong as better than those who are weak, ignoring the patterns and relationships that cause some to be weak and some to be strong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'strong' people are better than 'weak' people.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 30 Oct 2016, 19:30

Day 13- Resisting the Now

A point that has been coming up for me lately is that of resisting taking advantage of opportunities to create change as they present themselves within a specific moment.

First, I will give some background to provide a frame of reference for what I will be discussing in this post. Having walked with Desteni for 5 years now, I have learned how the negative systems of greed, corruption, and violence we see around us are actually reflections of the contents of our own minds. As without, so within. Another dimension of this is how much of our participation in this world is dictated by sub- and unconscious aspects of our minds such that a majority of our behavior is controlled by aspects of ourselves-as-our-minds of which we are not even aware. It can be quite depressing to realize not only the extent to which the problems of the world are due to our participation in our minds, but how much of our minds we have yet to explore or understand. The result is that the world overall as the systems of profit and survival as well as all of the individual humans 'participating' within it- has become quite limited in terms of the possibilities for change.

The human mind has been deliberately programmed in such a way as to vehemently resist any threats to the current operating systems. As a result, opportunities for change only afford themselves occasionally. Furthermore, and this is where reactions come up for me, such opportunities are always conditioned by the limitations presented by the world. Truly, being an agent of change in the World System is not a fun or ingratiating task but rather requires intense discipline as well as the courage to follow up on the opportunities for change such discipline can create.

There is a part of me that just wants to whine about how capitalizing on such opportunities requires giving up so much, even when doing so would benefit the world as a whole.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the moments-as-opportunities that open up as limited wherein I go into a moment of self-pity as in "Why me? Why should I be the one to have to seize on such limited moments to make such limited change?"regretting even the steps I have taken to get to the point where such opportunities are available to me.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that such thoughts are indications I have already fallen on and resisted a point and am merely experiencing backchat as my mind's way of trying to take me even further from the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the limited nature of these moments-as-opportunities as an excuse to not seize them, creating Blame towards others for contributing to the limited nature of such moments without implicating myself in participating in the creation of the limited situation on Earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to take responsibility for creating change within the context of what is HERE, regardless of the consequences that have already been wrought.

When and as I see myself go into judgement about the moments-as-opportunities that open up within this world to create change, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that this judgement is a form of backchat within my mind, indicating I have deviated from the Physical, here, and so I allow myself a moment to slow down and realign myself with the Physical. I commit myself to flag such thoughts as indications of backchat and thus transform them into opportunities to re-ground myself.

When and as I see myself blaming others for the limited nature of opportunities for implementing change into the system, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such blame is a form of abdicating responsibility and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for capitalizing on opportunities for change as the Limited World System presents them, walking this not-so-pretty Process until Heaven on Earth is realized for All.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 06 Jan 2017, 15:26

Day 14- On letting the dichotomy of life get you down (Forgot to post last time)

Day 15- SF on the experience of sabotage in relation to using substances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self-sabotage through substances.

Within this experience, I see two things that correspond to two separate behaviors in connection to substance use. The two behaviors are either to use the substance or to not.

In the former scenario, I use the substance and then experience the belief that I cannot “begin” my process due to the suboptimal conditions characterized by the influence the substance apparently has on me.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do something due to imbibing a substance.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself not realize that since I’ve already taken in the substance, there is little I can do about any influence it may have on my body and so I forgive myself for not allowing myself to question the nature of the belief that I cannot begin my process due to being on a substance as the experience of this belief is tied to the behavior of taking substances. Within this, I see, realize, and understand that I create this cycle for myself where I first engage in the behavioral dimension of taking a substance and then experience regret, fear, etc. in relation to being under the influence of the substance.

The second behavior relating to this experience is where I follow the creeping thought in my head that taking the substance will be self-sabotage and do not take the substance. In such scenarios, I then experience myself as trapped by the apparent prerequisite that I be free from this substance’s influence on me. But this is a whole other point that I can explore later.



kranaud71
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby kranaud71 » 11 Jan 2017, 18:18

Cool Tyler!

Now you can write out your corrective statements of what you will do when and as the thought/idea/belief comes up within you again. Add your realizations that you want to remember along with stopping in one breath. Before though, suggested to also investigate if there are visualizations and imagined play-outs pertaining to reactions by your environment. How would they know you haven't had sex, for instance, then the imagined scenario of them asking you, it somehow being revealed etc. together with the emotional charges you then allow meubles design, for instancee shame, embarassment and such. Then what is 'being a good brother', what does it entail? What is 'sexual ability', who are you within and as sex, what is 'sexual status' in your mind?

Remember to check out the eqafe.com series on 'What is Sex?', too! https://eqafe.com/series/6-what-is-sex

Thanks for sharing!
Merci d'avoir partagé cette belle expérience. C'est vraiment cool !



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Kristina
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby Kristina » 12 Jan 2017, 09:53

Hi kranaud71 - welcome to the desteni forums.

I notice this is your first post, so I wanted to just welcome you, and let you know that there are some forum guidelines we ask every one to read so we are all on the same page. You can see that here. I also want to invite you to check out the DIP Lite free online course, as it's the foundation of what we all share here. It gives you a very simplistic understanding, and practice of the principles and tools we all work with in our daily lives. It is amazing support, so check it out here.

Lastly - we would enjoy hearing more about you. There is an intro section of the forum where you can tell us more about yourself, and how you came to hear the desteni message, and how you are doing within your process. If you ever have any questions you can always ask us here, and of course if you are ready to dive right in there are places to share your writings and self forgiveness.

Welcome again!



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 21 Jan 2017, 08:13

Day 16- Suppressing Communication

Something that I have been dealing with lately has been the need to gain employment. Here, I’ve built up a large resistance to a lot of potential jobs and I can see that this resistance is related to memories I have in relation to jobs past. Whereas my approach to work in the past (influenced by 'advice' from an authority figure) has been to simply put out my resume to as many places as possible and then take whatever opportunities present themselves, this has not worked out very well for me in terms of having many negative experiences whilst employed and not a lot of positive or expanding experiences to speak of. Fastforward to the present and I've now created a 'block' or resistance within my mind to just taking whatever job I can because of those negative emotions I've created through my participation in past jobs where I did just that.

Unfortunately I live in a world where I am unlikely to gain access to unconditional life support in the form of money/food/a place to stay, etc. that I require as a human being on this earth provided from an external source without the expectation that I perform some sort of labor in return. Even when I returned to living with my parents after a period of homelessness, while they didn't charge me money for rent or the food they provided, they still expected me to do things like the dishes after meals they cooked and household chores. While I was staying with them, I experienced these expectations as a burden because I was attempting to gain stability and believed that I was in a place where any such external expectations where an intrusion upon my internal process and disallowed me the ability to maximize my potential in this world. Additionally, I experienced resistance to bringing this up to my parents.

Perhaps a part of me feared being cast out (despite their expressed intention to keep a place for me in their home forever) if I brought up my personal needs and a part of me actually did want to contribute if only I could have gained some sort of stability that allowed me to feel ok in doing so. Unfortunately, I didn't speak up at the time on my own behalf and continued to do what was asked/expected of me even though I experienced a lot of friction whilst carrying out these tasks, including the idea that I was doing them wrong and possibly endangering myself and my parents. Interesting that suppression can be carried out so far by a person that they are even willing to allow themselves to feel or believe that they are compromising themselves or others and continue on just to avoid the possible confrontation that would go with expressing the thing suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress communication of my needs to my parents when they expected me to do the dishes every night they cooked dinner for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that suppressing communication of my needs implied that I was not prioritizing my own self-stability regardless of the situation.

I forgive myself for not prioritizing my own self-stability.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 08 Mar 2017, 11:27

Day 19- Habits Prove the Unconscious Mind

If we observe within our lives certain specific tendencies, habits, or patterns which take up our time in repeating loops, rather than participating within infinite cycles of guilt and shame around such behaviors, maybe there is something we can learn from them. The first step is to of course stop the thoughts, feelings and emotions related to the pattern we want to change. If you have been following me for a remarkable amount of time you will know already that the tool for stopping thoughts, feelings, and emotions is self-forgiveness.

However, it's important to realize that, in addition to these conscious and perhaps subconscious thoughts, emotions, and feelings related to a pattern we would like to change, there is an unconscious aspect to the pattern as well. A perfect demonstration of the way the unconscious mind functions within our lives is with habits within which we participate.

1. First, we have the conscious mind aspects such as the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that, with time and self-writing we can become more aware of. These include the thoughts, emotions, and feelings we experience within our day-to-day lives as we experience ourselves in the self and the mind.

2. Second, we have the subconscious aspects which are like the personality systems that are triggered by certain people or situations throughout our day. These are much larger systems than, say, a simple thought and can comprise a whole network of thoughts, feelings, and emotions within which a Self can fall and get lost.

3. Finally, we have the unconscious mind which largely functions below the conscious level but dictates our behavior down to the places we go and people we "choose" to spend time with. If you follow any sort of pattern whether it be a tendency to put your clothes away in a certain way or use a certain drug or see a certain person, and your actual doing so has sort of melted/faded into the background of your daily life such that you are only aware of the thoughts, emotions, and feelings related to the things you are doing within the pattern but not that you are participating in a behavioral pattern at all, that is proof of the unconscious mind.

Patterns prove the unconscious aspect of our Mind Consciousness System. That is how we can act in repeating ways while only being aware of the conscious aspects of the point. Through self-writing, we can uncover the details of the pattern and forgive ourselves to release ourselves from anything that is holding us back from being able to stop participating in the pattern. Visit Desteni 'Lite' for more information of self-writing and a free course to learn how you can use writing and self-forgiveness to explore and stop self-limiting aspects of our minds.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 14 Mar 2017, 08:22

Day 20- Hesitation: The Golden Moment?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate to speak up in gratefulness within the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to overthink in that moment, analyzing points of the moment within my mind for clues as to whether it would be appropriate to speak up in that moment, or if it would benefit me, or person x, to speak up in that moment, or if it would be best for all where what I am really missing within all of this is self-trust within the moment where I cannot rely on being able to write about the point but must actually apply myself to bring forth: something new. By hesitating on the point, “bailing on it”, so-to-speak, all I am doing is allowing myself to be swept up in the mind in that moment, allowing myself as limitation as the mind to extract resources from my human physical body just to satisfy the act of thinking and suppressing myself to, ironically, protect myself in that moment. If I am in fact degrading the body through thinking and not actually protecting the physical body, then what am I protecting: well, perhaps an image of myself in my mind but the BIGGER picture here, so to speak, is that I am, through the mind, acting to protect the mind itself. 

Here is another familiar consequence of hesitating within the moment: shame. Self-judgement. All the negative things associated with not acting/speaking within a moment that conveniently are missing in my thinking process when I am sitting there, frozen, unable to speak despite the potentially useful nature of my words, moving within my mind towards positive energies like safety, isolation, abundance. In the end, it’s not clear that I’ve gained these things due to my self-limiting (non)action, but rather that I have instead mined the body for resources and still must face the negative emotional aspect of the mind construct. 





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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 22 Mar 2017, 12:34

Day 21- Suppression Proves Personal Power

I have been experiencing suppression lately. Then I had a look at the definition of suppression and came across this interesting tidbit: the restraint or repression of an idea, activity, or reaction by something more powerful.

While I was aware of the definition of suppression as restraint/repression, that such restraint is carried out by “something more powerful” is what struck me as interesting.

While I have defined suppression as negative within myself, it actually reveals this powerful part of myself, so powerful that it is able to restrain ideas and activities as they arise within me, even when those ideas or activities resonate with me. 


Another way to think about it is: if the thing you were suppressing were negative (say you had a sudden urge to say something hurtful to another), then exercising restraint over that urge would be considered disciplined or tactful = a positive. What then does suppressing positive aspects of myself teach me? That I am a powerful being not on a spiritual journey where some God or Spirit bestows upon me a series of ecstatic experiences. If that were so, why would there exist a capacity/part of me that was capable of overriding these ecstatic experiences?



What this actually reveals to me is that I am far more and far more powerful than the limiting self-definition of weak or a failure would tell me. I am so powerful I can in fact stop my own miraculous self-expansion in a single moment of self-doubt and hesitation.




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