Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 07 Nov 2017, 20:25

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... esurfaced/

Day 657: Walk, This Way (Resurfaced)

This is a continuation/addon to Day 484: Walk This Way

To be seen at one’s best at all times, cause for a strut like none other, that would perpetuate the saying; “You want this”, to the selective few that you’ll never meet, but think someday I will, as the right girl or guy just passed you by, when you turned your head looking the other way at a potential suiter that could possibly carry on a strong conversation, if we let them, while missing the obvious chance to be right Here with just you and your two feet and what’s beneath the soles of your shoes, as yourself that has laid a path for you, to have the experience of a life time, but we squander it away every time we take a step outside to start our day, ‘but it’s ok because what’s in our minds we have defined as greater than the path we take, which is definitely up for a debate, but for now come with me, and Walk, This Way.

Which is not about an actual way to walk, but a way to live and a way to talk, defined by how we were taught to be, that’s actually uncomfortable to say the least, I mean for one, are we really at peace with struggling, day in and day out, as the acceptable way to live for the unprivileged, and the privileged Kids, mad at being forced to force people to give their last, but soon it’ll pass, as you get older and start rebelling against the rebels that created this society that we live in, unaware that we’re enslaved within the air we breathe, but enjoy walking this way with crooks and thieves.

Wondering if today might be my last walk of shame, ashamed of the things we think we can’t change, and remain lame to be, that society hadn’t done a damn thing for me, but would rather carry on with a pimp strut, cane and top hat on, whistling Dixie as if nothing in the world is wrong, but it’s me. I mean this is what I see in my world, that don’t care, where we’re all standing in the need of Prayer if it worked, lol, because hell, I’ve been there myself and was told to break a leg, that when you get in a bind it’s ok to beg, so I tap danced around the different points in my life, not once ever walking them through, but who knew that I would be at this point Here today, still learning how to stand and Walk this way, the correct way, to live everyday as if my last, that when based in religion scared the shit out of my ass, but all jokes aside I committed to wake up and to not ever under NO circumstances give up.

Interesting how I created and a different walk with every outfit I had, that didn’t do me any justice when the day was done and I came home and threw the clothes in the laundry basket, I mean a basket case I was, with no real love for the legs that carried me around, my-self in fact the disregard thereof, through the act of walking as if I was stuck up, my posture straight and stiff, wondering if anyone is looking at me, then peeking out the corner of my eye to see, I mean how many times have we done this on the daily, as if it was all about them instead of me.

But when one’s life starts to change so do one’s walk, because one is walking to live the principles of self-honesty, with the regard of oneself in every possible way, with the awareness of every word we say, to become King of your world and directing everything within it, in Oneness and Equality, away from how we have characterized and defined it, as the perpetuation of something to look at. Therefore;

I commit myself to redefining Wal-King to being the King of my world and everything in it, to directing myself and the things around me in Oneness Equality, while standing equal to and one with who Self as all is, that would then show as the expression of my walk, as I Walk, This Way.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 Nov 2017, 21:35

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ntagonism/

Day 658: Antagonism

The taunting, the nagging and Tag You’re It, as if it’s now your turn to react, through the initiation of me, the inherent expression of energy, passed back and forth towards one another, every time we get a wild hair up our ass about something we’re not allowing ourselves to see, so instead of pressing the issue into investigating what it is, interestingly enough we’d rather push the buttons of another, for them to see and experience how we feel, then sit back and watch how they handle it, to be used as a starting point for handling our own problem, instead of just asking for help.

Therefore, I’ll say ‘fuck’ you, because I don’t know how to stop fucking with myself, and if I do, it’s too much for me to see and do right now, because I’m stuck within a mind possession and would rather not ask for help, because I’ll be seen as a fuck up, (A Self-Judgement) when I was doing so well, like Wow, so thank you for being the sounding board of my shit or better yet the fit I just threw, because without you, I would go crazy. But really!

I mean have you ever look at it that way, as a perspective that I’m see within me and my world today, because every emotion I’ve ever had was but a momentary form of feeling, but the decision I made to tag someone else with it to make myself SEEM better, was short lived, being that only after we calm down from a derivative of energy, can we begin to see the mess we’ve just made, and in most cases relationship ties we’ve severed, severely damaging our reputation and trust from another, that others would see and maybe think it’s funny in the moment, but in the long run, Will chose to run away from you, because they saw just how spiteful we can be.

A tag of Lies is but a reaction out of spite, where because you’re not dealing with me no more, let fight, but do realize this, if you don’t stand for nothing, your laying down, is a sign of being walked on, and what you’ve created up to that point, will be there, then gone, so it behooves one to stand.

It’s funny how we love to invoke the Mommy and Daddy, syndrome, where it’s like “Ima Tell the World about You” to Antagonize you (via social media), for me feeling the way I do, when in actuality, I CHOOSE to walk away, from you and/or else, give my power away, to listening to what someone else was saying. It seems as if I’ve reverted back to being loyal to the mind telling me to taunt you, not realizing that this mind is, what makes you Spineless and in a ways not able to stand for what you once believe, I mean I’ve been there before and fine the fall Daunting, the Mind with its Nagging and constantly Haunting is Exhausting, at times I too become overwhelmed, but don’t use it as an excuse to tell the world how I feel, because what I realized is that NO one really gives a shit in fact, but those that really do, will be there when you come back.

Therefore, in bringing it back to self, and looking at it in reverse, I hereby redefine Antagonism to; A shaking and awakening of myself, when finding myself falling off the deep end, where the; “And-Tag-You’re-it-Is-Me, and always have been and must take responsibility for how I am experiencing me, in my world, this world and reality, by using the TOOLS provided by Desteni. It’s simple. Stop trying to Tag your way out of taking Self-Responsibility, because You’re it.

Thanks for Reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 11 Nov 2017, 22:26

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -offended/

Day 659: Looking to be Offended

And when it doesn’t come, we mount an offense towards others, in other words, we’ll find a way to fuck up the words fuck up, (if that was the case), in essence addicted to the energy that conflict brings, while eating eggs and things for breakfast, waiting for someone to say something, hoping that that something is said the wrong way and so take offense to it. I mean human beings are easily offended, always depended on the energy of conflict that comes with it, that’s explicit in nature, the creator of problems with no way to solve it, living life in wait for the moment to tell somebody, I disagree, I take offense in what you just said to me, I mean there should be laws to protect my spiteful offense, and so defend my free choice and self-interest, while really being agitated at not knowing what to say, except giving oneself a bullshit excuse to respond the other way, it’s like we love going against the grain, but is this who we really are, taking offense to the things we don’t understand which makes for going through life with a short attention span.

The seekers of attention, but only attending to being offended, as if we hate this world and everything in it, but don’t want to do anything to change ourselves and our participation in the things we do that limits our-Self, we’ve become offended by the idea of what other people like, instead of investigating and correcting our own likes and dislikes, that we use towards others merely out of spite, fulfilling an obligation we think we have to our mind, attracted to the polarity of what’s wrong and right.

So the other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mind, where the topic came up of the holidays and he was saying how he liked some of the different aspects of Christmas and I said something along the line of, how people look at things in different ways, he then said how there’s nothing wrong with what he likes about Christmas, and how he dislike the point of people always Looking to be Offended, which was a cool way of putting it, that gave me inspiration to write this blog post, so but within that I started looking at the how I to have looked to be offended or taken offense to different things that others have said and or done in my past and realized it as a point that needed to be look at and so investigating, therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my past looked to be offended while seeking attention that was not coming my way, and so would wait for someone to say the wrong thing, so I could voice my rebuttal against them, that would bring attention my way and others on my side, while disguising this spiteful behavior as a correction of sorts, instead of correcting the point of me looking to be offended in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken offense to others laughing around me, which was judging myself, by thinking that they were laughing at me, when it wasn’t the case, instead of simply asking the question unconditionally; “What’s so funny guys”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been addicted to energy that the conflict of being offended bring, and thrived off of the idea of putting someone in their place (per se), which was purely Egotistical, where I wanted to be seen as better than this other person, and so anything they would said I would take offense to, instead of realizing the stench of jealousy that existed within me towards the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been Off-End my mind looking for a chance to initiate conflict with someone claiming that they offended me, as the poor me character, instead of being here and investigating why I was letting things that others do and say insight a reaction within me, within that; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let what others say and/or do, insight reactions within me and excuse it as being offended.


And so, in hind sight realizing that being offended is but an excuse to not take self-responsibility for the reactions that comes up within us, to what others do and say, and need to correct this within ourselves first in order for change to happen in our life/world and reality and then in this world and reality as a whole, so stop looking to be offended and start looking at how we can defend the right to life for all Equally, that would be best for all life Here on this Planet, Earth. Thanks for reading, and not being offended, lol.

Desteni.org



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 13 Nov 2017, 20:59

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ntimental/

Day 660: Sentimental

On so many levels and emotional outburst of feeling, when feeling bad or sad about a situation we think we have no control over, lost in the statement of how did this happen, as a perpetuation of they, them and the other person created this mess, that struck a nerve in me, to the point of me walking around with a frown on my face and/or balling my eye out, because I didn’t know that such things could possibly hit home, land on my doorstep per se, which is actually an awareness that I too am responsible for what’s going on in the world, my world and reality, that I didn’t want to see for the longest time, that’s now sitting in the forefront of my mind, overwhelming me to the point crying, (in some cases).

And In others, sheltered from seeing the world for what it really is, and how we the people of humanity can really be towards one another, so seeing/experiencing this for the first time without the protection and/or watchful eye of a “caring” Parent, we soon come to grips with how cruel life as the human beings we attach ourselves to can be, and so become Sentimental when thinking, ‘Why wasn’t I informed/told/shown this growing up’, and so build a mild form of resentment toward those we looked up to/trusted and believed in, and when getting to the point of questioning them, they to become Sentimental as well, then say ’But I was just trying to protect you” and that when we realize where we got our Sentimentality from.

Within this, we become softies, touchy on subjects we’re not used to hearing about, things we haven’t seen done before, nor understood to a level of comprehension within stability, but silly me because I feel for you, as the gullibility of things begin to set in, used as a defense mechanism to not let things get under my skin, but accepting and believing the “Oh well” of things that are bound to happen, so why Not trust what they say, I am now open to suggestion, without realizing the advantage that is about to be taken on me, into becoming hopeless and powerless to do anything about it, until years down the line we finally realize that it’s all been a game that I’ve been playing with myself and have allowed other to play against me as well.

Too Sentimental to be exact, when falling for the give back of something that was avoided to you, that you came across. I mean what first comes up is the saying ‘You reap what you so’ or so a blessing just came to me but did see it as such, then have second thoughts within a charismatic experience about giving it back, because it couldn’t be, but could be somebody else’s, who’s not around, with the expectation of getting more in the long run for doing so, that’ll never come because we were too Sentimental to see that it was right there in front of our face, but tried to save face by giving it back, I mean everything is not a bad thing or as it seems, where Sentimentality doesn’t need to be the theme of everything we do, causing one to look over one’s shoulder when no one is around you.

When realizing that sentimentality is but a mental projection of the fear of loss, and the point of momentary giving up on yourself and that of a life situation that takes place mostly in relationship, one can’t help but to understand that that something that’s amiss is me disempowering myself, giving my power away to a thought and/or Idea that would cause a reaction within me, a movement of sort in my solar plexus, that arises up and comes out of my eyes as a watery sensation, that supposed to release the frustration of thinking that I’m not able to do anything about what I’m facing, but in fact can.

Where responsibility can be taken in the moment of occurrence to stop this watery current of emotion from plaguing us, by seeing the Key being ourselves, because when it boils down to it, one of the most profound forms of sentimentality is the seeking of attention, for someone to say ‘are you ok’, but to lose this is to stand in Expression of/as the word “Ok” when something comes up in your world, which would make the statement of; “Ok I Am” a living reality, which is only possible through investigating oneself through writing out one’s feelings and the experience of you in the moments we attach ourselves to that message sent from our Minds, telling us to cower away and/or Hide from facing ourselves, then forgiving yourself for all the point you just wrote about, to no longer accept and allow yourself to repeat these emotional outburst, by making statements of corrections and commitment to oneself, into living these statements as ourselves, which can be found in detail HERE for FREE if you dare.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
Posts: 715
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 15 Nov 2017, 20:17

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -a-mirror/

Day 661: My Relationship with A Mirror

From the walk by and sneak peeks, to the shaving of my head and brushing of teeth, at times have been afraid to look myself in the eye, without ever once investigating why, what are my likes and dislikes that I hadn’t stood one with and equal to, the changing faces to bring different characters through, who will I be today, according to who I will see today, are just excerpt of my Relationship with A Mirror.

So, when listening/watching “The Mirror Process” on SOUL, opened up within me my absolute relationship with a mirror, as in what exactly do I do in the mirror, how do I see myself, am I looking in the mirror at me or through the eyes of any other that would see me today?

As per my perspective; It’s rather interesting how what I realized is that when I am in the mirror, mostly in the morning during my routine, what stands out is my face, where there’s a belief I have that if my face/head is ok then I can feel good about myself, and then glance at my body and move on, I mean there is little to no investigation as to how/why I stand the way I do/move the way I do, make certain gestures and facial expression the way I do. For one, why does it take me standing in the mirror to adjust my posture and not be aware of it throughout my day, (For Myself) because when walking by a person of interest or as I see someone approaching, I would unconsciously only then adjust my posture and start walking with my head up/chin tucked in and shoulders back, which is interesting because this usually happens after finding myself in my mind and so not paying attention to how I am carrying my Physical body.

Thing is, most of the time when walking a certain way in public, it’s not in consideration or regard for our bodies, but in service of how others would look at us and what they would think, which is too much thinking, and at times lose focus as to where we’re walking, trying to look straight ahead and end up tripping or bumping into something, then becoming embarrassed and even more self-conscious of ourselves and yes guys do it as well, in relations to making cool faces in the mirror and squinting our eyes to look cool, instead of being the plain faced beings that we are.

It never fails that anytime anyone walk passed a mirror, we look in it and call this, checking to see if everything is in place and excuse this behavior as fitting in, but in essence not wanting to be judged/laughed at, because that would make us feel bad, then carry this throughout the rest of our day, which make this mirror peeking even more prevalent in our lives.

It’s fascinating how we let a feeling/mood define how much time we would spend in the mirror, how much make up we put on, whether we shave our beards or not, because today, I’m just not feeling it and don’t care what people think, which should be all the time, but projected in the wrong context considering the starting point that we perpetuate this ‘lack of care’ per se thereof, obviously we do care, but only around certain people and if energy is attached to it, which then makes the Mirror our best friend.

Funny how when going out with someone, let’s say with your partner, girlfriend/boyfriend we make ourselves look real pretty in the mirror, get to where we’re going, party or public outing of sort, and in the midst of, go to the bathroom and look in the mirror to make ourselves up more, (why is this) the thing that gets me (when looking at it) is at that point, who is this re-adjustment for, is it for the person you’ve been with and possibly known forever, who don’t care how you look, or is for the next on-looker to achieve an extended glance from them, that gives us a sense of approval, and the reason we give for this behavior, is because I’m a representation of you honey, which is then accepted with a proud look, like yeah that’s right, but for most, have been manipulated into thinking so. And believing that you’re really loved, which is in very, very few and rare cases, in relations to the whole of relationships in Humanity.

An innate reflection of ourselves a mirror is and should be seen as a gift that show us who and what we have become, how we have disregarded our bodies/ourselves, as a sign to investigate who is this me that I’m look at and how have I got myself to the point of not accepting what I see as me and how can I correct myself, internally as to what comes up within me when looking at myself in the mirror, so that I’m able to embrace the reflection of me in its totality, as who I really am as life, and live these corrections. Self-Forgiveness to come.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 17 Nov 2017, 19:26

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rgiveness/

Day 662: My Relationship with A Mirror (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been afraid to look myself in the eye in the mirror in my past, because of not liking the me that I saw at the time, being that I didn’t like the person I was, growing up and blamed it all on the church I grew up in, thinking that I didn’t have any choice and that it wasn’t my fault, therefore the person I saw in the mirror, I despised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have despised the image of myself that I saw in the mirror growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the church I grew up in for the image of me that I saw in the mirror, believing that because of them is why I didn’t like looking at myself in the eye, when looking in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an Idea of the image I wanted to be/look like, when not liking the image I saw in the mirror, growing up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate, back then, my likes and dislikes about myself, as the image I saw in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking in the mirror in the mornings, place emphasis on my face, with the belief that if my face is ok, then I can feel good about myself, that stems from the picture perfect presentation, accepted in this reality, in society, where you are more acceptable and defined by the face you present, without flaw or blemish, therefore, I make my face up to save face, in essence, in front of the masses of society in public, to fit in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have engrained within me, the idea that I need to look a certain way to fit in with what society accepts in image and so, find myself at time looking twice in the mirror at myself to see if I fit the bill, so to speak.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate why I perpetuated this behavior to the extent I did, instead of just seeing the common sense in having a clean face, until of late, that has been my calling card for the longest in my past, before I would step out of my house and into the world on a daily base.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been corrupted, by mediocracy in society that created the idea within the point of separation that image is everything, that we in some form must abide by, in order to survive with the acceptance of those in our immediate worlds, that we deal with on a daily bases, from our neighbors, to our bosses, to the clerk at the grocery store, that shouldn’t be this way, and so by changing my stance is one step in the right direction, as I can only direct me through the consequences for being one point in society that help create such extensive separation, that we now see as ourselves in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have viewed looking in the mirror as a point of trying to achieve perfection, instead of being a point of correction as to what I saw that I didn’t like about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked in the mirror not through the eyes of myself, for myself, but through the eyes of and in service of how others would see me/view me and what they would think, without seeing this as a point of judgement in fact that I was placing on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed judgement on myself in the past when look at myself in the mirror and the projected this judgement onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still today whenever I walk passed a mirror, look at myself in it, with the excuse of making sure my posture and characterized walk is together as well as everything else is in place, which shows a since of insecurity, protecting my minds view of how I think I should look at all times, when around others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made characterized faces in the mirror, by squinting my eyes and adjusting my cheek bone and tried to hold this expression, that I’ve defined as being cool throughout my day, which is actually pretty hard to do, and would soon find myself frowning once I passed another mirror and glanced into it, as if my body was telling me; “This is bullshit, Carlton, straighten your face”, lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let a feeling/mood define how much time I would spend in the mirror, fixing myself up and for who.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my past, when out with someone, an old partner at a party/dinner or social gathering, and in the midst of, have went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror to fix myself up, with no real consideration for the person I was with, but for the on-looker, to achieve an extended glance from them, that I would derive a sense of approval from, while telling myself that I was doing it as a representation of the person I was with, which was the case sometimes, but for most not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and define the usage of a mirror as in an innate reflection of myself that should be seen as a gift, that shows me who and what I have become, how I have disregarded my body, and so as a sign to investigate who this me is that I’m looking at and how have I gotten myself to the point of not accepting that in which I see as the me in the mirror and how can I correct myself, internally as to what comes up within me when looking at myself in the mirror, and so I thus Redefine My Relationship to a Mirror, to the aforementioned, so that I am able to embrace the reflection of me in it totality, as who I really am as life, and live these corrections as the acceptance of me.

Thanks for reading.




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