Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 28 Nov 2017, 22:45

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... f-content/

Day 667: The Gullibility of Content

Being inundated with content is the acceptance of nonsense that we’ve become Content with. “Give them just enough to be satisfied, that’ll quench their thirst for more”, is how we’ve become sedated and educated to be grateful for what we got, which is not a lot, but in comparison with those who have none, is what makes us Content (instead of all having equally), enough to cause no waves or ripples in a fickle society that lies to me about what’s really going on and born in to falling for it everytime, because we know no better or better yet have become gullible to the point of being comfortable with the way thing are and thus perpetuate Contentment.

I’m not trying to ruffle and feather here, or else I might loss what I have, my stuff, remaining set in my own way, in hopes that no one comes and disrupt what I got going on in my day to day, which is a slaves’ way of thinking, slave to the same CON-sciousness that we allow to place a TINT on our vision from seeing the whole picture crystal clear, but still again, we fall for it every time.

Gullibility makes us silly when being conscientious under the belief that this content we come across is substantial enough to live by, thinking that money can buy us time before change is imminent and Content with that, but in fact gullibility only comes in when one choses to turn the other Cheek, then Back on what really makes us tick, as we suppress this into sickness and stick with the same medicine that makes us forget shit. We’re Content with these habitual patterns we’ve patent and continue to play out, but when all is lost, we blame on them without a doubt, somewhere out there puppeteering our strings, stating stop controlling me or I’ll leave, I mean I’m Content with not having this constant pain in my feet, then go back to the next best thing, (Spirituality maybe), as if we didn’t just realize our Self in everything, but got scared at what we saw being that of the truth and it hurts, but blaming it on someone else is not how it works.

Now in bringing it back to self, I’ve spent my whole life, up until this point, being Content with just about everything that came across my path, and misconstrued it as patience, thinking that if I remain Content, then somehow good Karma would play out and things would start coming my way, which didn’t happen, and within that became lazy with the belief that the world/universe owed me something, until the waiting became like a weight on my shoulder, when initially feeling good about myself, then tension in my body, watching myself sink deeper and deeper into my mind, to taking things to keep me awake for extra hours and days on end, because I didn’t want to miss it if something good was to happen and ended up losing everything, because I was too Content, and the gullibility for me came in with an Idea I-Dealt myself that my ‘Patience’ as Contentment was a virtue, but more like a vomiting effect into realizing how I was limiting myself in all aspects of my life, by being Content.

Satisfied with the Status quo, but ‘Oh’ how times have changed, to me now investigating why was I so Content with the person I was, and what came up is a sense of irresponsibility, where when any form of work is involved, especially having to due with correcting/changing my Self, resistance would set in, with an option looming over my head like a Halo of going back to being Content with who I was or to move forward, where at the beginning of my process, I let this Contentment keep me contained to only take bits and pieces of this New found information (Desteni) and use it according to my will as Pride/Ego, which only made matters worse, because of my starting point and definition of the word Content and that of being draped in a cloak of Gullibility, and so I hereby redefine the word Content to that of being a Limitless expansion of Self - only - Satisfied with the constant momentum/movement of forward progression while walking my process, will I be Content with.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 30 Nov 2017, 21:11

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... apologize/

Day 668: Apologize

The knowingly unknowing that what we willingly did on purpose would had a negative effect on those we’ve perpetuated it towards, the more we get, the more lies we spit/say throughout our day to keep what we have, and half the time we don’t mean it, but only because it was brought to the attention of the masses, did we bow down to/with a humble Character, being that the inherent nature of our beingness is far from being humble, therefore we use humbleness as a momentary character to soothe/calm the emotions/feelings of others, and you better look the part as well, so the Apologies can be accepted.

A packed Pile Of Lies that pack in a pile up to our thighs, states that we’re knee deep in shit, with need clean it up before shit hits the fan and the world knows your secrets, which is not a secret at all, but No one saw it coming, that we can’t be trusted with life, because we’re not doing what’s best for all, but for only Just-us, where justice is only served willingly to the weak, have nots and fall guys to make it seem as if we’re responsible for our actions, but in fact lacking in the department of self-investigation, where after the Apology there’s no correction and so things never change.
Did I not really mean to do that, as a mistake made and corrected, because I’m working on myself and at times fall but not fail to see me in what I did, is a different story, where the Apology is then lived because Self-Forgiveness was applied, opting out of a lie to tell the truth of things, I mean it would be amazing if we all lived this way and say ‘I Apologies because we’re seeing the lies within our lives that we live.

But for me, interesting how suppression sets in, when walking my process of correction, but at times thinking that I’m always doing something wrong, because of not wanting to mess up, which screams Self-Judgement, but where did this come from? The sum of my life growing up was not wanting to get/be in trouble, being that the fear of punishment was always looming over my head and in my mind, stigmatized and ingrained within layers upon layered designed of memories that was yet to be uncovered, and so needed assistance to look at what I initially couldn’t see, but manifested into a nowadays experience of dozing off, shown to me by my Buddy, that I’m still in the process of correcting this suppression and the projection of my perception of perceived hostility and aggression from other and so then believe that I’m doing/have done something wrong, and always Apologizing.

But far from how I used to be on the surface of an Apology, thinking that I really didn’t see, but saw in hindsight the spitefulness in my ways, was a hard thing to admit, in general, being that we see this vulnerability as embarrassment, which is again judgement projected towards others, then back to self, in essence not wanting to be seen as a corrector, but a protector of our own self-interest and Ego, and so the flaws in my Apology, meant that next time, I won’t get caught, but will do it again, if placed in the same position, but again at that time No correction was taken, to now seeing and learning a lesson from my own imperfections. Therefore; I hereby redefine the word Apologize from that of being A-Pile-Of-Lies, to; the acceptance and correction of the lies been told and mistakes shown and seen by me – to no longer accept and allow myself to repeat these acceptances again, but to live the word Apology when correction is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the lies been told into being exposed and admitted to in fact, while using the Humble character to say the words I Apologize, biting my tongue the whole time, like a finger crossing behind our back to protect our Ego and stuff we fear losing, as if the conflict we’ve just created will soon go away, when these words are spoken, to forgetting that it ever happen, saying to oneself; next time I won’t get caught, as we still live in this spiteful way of existing, calling it life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have caused strife between those who love being right and fear being wrong, as the self-perpetuated neutrality position I’ve placed myself in, to not side with one or the other, in the midst of being self-righteous towards all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said that I Apologize to get what I wanted, and/or to momentarily stop the inevitability of things happening in my world, without realizing myself to be the cause thereof, the creator of aggression and hostility (as a collective) pitting one against the other and perceiving others to be hostile towards me and so before this could happen, I (as a collective) projected it onto towards the masses, until we get caught as the sower of discord amongst the Brethren and /or our ways exposed.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my life, by the actions I take, which takes toll on the relationships I make, then break without a moments notice, when going back on the Apologies I’ve made, that have made me enslaved to the Ego that just took revenge, whenever I got caught doing whatever I was doing, and so now need to correct my crooked stance to standing erect within the stability of knowing that I too have an opportunity to correct myself and change.


And so on and so forth, to live Apology as the understanding of a mistake made, instead of the sorrowful judgement of being the one who made it, correction is Key, and so for that I Apologize.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 02 Dec 2017, 21:39

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 669: A Freedom Perspective

The happiness that comes with the idea that one is free from something is short lived when one finds oneself back in the same self-created bondage one just removed oneself from, i.e. relationships, belief system (That feed you the idea that freedom comes from conformality), a dead end job, and so on and so forth, looking forward to escaping this place we’ve willingly placed ourselves in, simply because at the time it seemed like a ‘good’ idea to do what we did to put our self in such a precarious position, but now because it’s not working out for us, we long for freedom, when if we would only Free our Dome/Head from the plague that we define as our mind, things would most likely be fine, it’s time to Wake Up, as the profound freedom that was found when we were all asleep.

The weight on ones shoulders that creates the bogging down effect, chemically induces, that we experience when things are not going well, to the point of saying I don’t feel too good, is not looked at and misunderstood, but created through our participation in the mind/our minds, but it’s fine, I’ll jut take this medicine to suppress it in the meantime, just to watch it come back stronger later on, is in fact what we crave to be free from, but don’t want to see how to achieve this and so remain powerless to do anything about it, doubting there to be any solution to obtain this freedom.

Interesting how once we’re free from such momentary predicaments we chase after the happy go luck memories found way back in the beginning of this escapade and watch them escalate to the point of wanting to experience them again, which blinds one from seeing the freedom we’re in, where we then go back and do it again, claiming, but I love them though, and Whoa to the one that would tell me anything different, that it’s all lies, then find ourselves back looking for freedom again.

It should be a sin to have such a friend, that would tell you to follow you heart, then console you when things fall apart, I mean I fell for that trap a countless amount of times, like listening to the consul of doom telling you everything is going to be ok, don’t worry, then hurry up and leave the room when you get done crying, I mean test it out for yourself you’ll see exactly what I mean, the clinging on to an idealistic expectation of things being the same as they were before, but wait there’s more, it’s all my fault for running away from the problem in the first place.

Therefore, the question would be, is this search for freedom, to free oneself for one’s own bad habits/patterns and behaviors, on our behaves, or did it just get too hot in the kitchen for us to deal with/handle and dismantle, meaning the friction that conflict cause, causes us to long for freedom, because it wasn’t looked at and checked from the onset, but brushed aside due to being stuck in the honeymoon phase of any relationship, which should be a creation-ship, equally participating with one another to resolve any differences before they become flowers and drop pollen all over your parade, to achieving freedom that’s made Together.

In which case togetherness should be redefined, in order to really be free, because if you’re longing for freedom, that means you’re in a relationship with something, and that something we let get the best of US, instead of listening to what U-Say unconditionally without interruption, (unless it’s the trepidation of the mind) that would lead to the resolution of any situation, because Communication is Free and that what we’re trying to achieve, Therefore it may be that Communication is in fact the point of Freedom. Let’s Talk!

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 04 Dec 2017, 21:48

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -in-focus/

Day 670: Focusing in Focus

As a Caution sign to self, stating Life is Present, and seeks your attention, right Here, right Now in whatever you’re doing, in this moment/At the moment/After this moment and to the next, into infinity and beyond, beyond the devil of a mind sitting on your shoulder assisting you to lose yourself, whispering in your ear, this is For-Us-Cause after the fact we got this going on, and on until it Suck-Off (Focus) our attention to detail into just so happening to miss the fine line in what we’re doing and fine ourselves lying about the mistake we just made, to ourselves and anyone else who’s watching and couldn’t see that we had company helping us do this, but that’s normal.

What’s un-normal is the point of stopping and (hypothetically speaking) telling your mind to shut the fuck up, through self-forgiving the acceptance of such mild distractions and infractions we’ve just caused to ourselves and what we’re dealing with, i.e. (I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind jump somewhere else, instead of focusing on this that I’m doing in this moment), that would shift us back Here and see clear the subject at hand, but for most of us, that’s out of the question, unless the focus suits an interest outside of our Self, being that everything outside of us, we look to try on like a suit, and walk right passed what we’re doing, into a head ache for the Mistake we just made, because it was too thick and burnt on the grill in our minds, that’s Embroidered in Braille; “ENJOY THE SIDE SHOW”, and find ourselves looking to focus again.

Better yet, looking for focus to begin, because as it been, I would just skim through to get by, and onto the next thing that pleases my eye, so in fact not here 100%, but hell bent on rushing to finish things, in whatever I was doing, just to say; “I did it”, “I gave it the good old college try”, which is one hell of a lie to perpetuate when things don’t pan out and have to start all over again, instead of realizing that it only takes ONE time to do it correctly which requires focus.

Interesting how when one obtain focus, as the silencing of ones mind, in the midst of your day, that’s been enacted with practice, tried, tested and true, no matter how long or short the time (and on the other hand), a disturbing phone call or text received from another, can momentarily throw a monkey wrench in your deprogramming process, which puts one out of sync with the focus one has attempted to achieve and if Self-Forgiveness is not immediately applied, makes it hard for one to revert back to the focus sought after and achieved, which just happened to me this morning while focusing on stopping my mind through elongated breaths driving, and got a text from a friend stating a detrimental form of abuse just happen to one of their friends, with a detailed description of what happened, and had to catch myself, from tumbling down a hill in my mind into a collected pile of thoughts ready to be activated when this topic comes up, so after realizing what just happened, saw this as a cool cross reference to my perspective on focusing in focus.

But again this applies to any and everything, why is it that the fear of loss doesn’t apply to focus, unless we fear losing monies attainable through what we’re doing, where focus we then force upon ourselves, such as when going to school for a job, and strenuously do so, but anything else outside of superficiality, we think doesn’t require much focus, let alone our time, especially having to do with anything self-corrective related, in relations to correcting oneself from festering around with life, and in life pestering around with other people and repeating in sequel, this over again, where, where is Self in this equation? it’s time to start focusing on the focus that is us, by stopping our minds. Focus = Forgiving-Correcting-Us. Self-Forgiveness to come.

Investigate Desteni.org

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 08 Dec 2017, 20:23

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rgiveness/

Day 671: Focusing in Focus (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus too much on focusing and fine myself looking for things to think about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a moment of silence look for things to think about, which comes up the most unforeseen and reactive thoughts, where I then suppress it and skim through applying self-forgiveness for it, instead of in specificity, thinking how could such thing still come up within and as me, to beating myself up over it, thinking that I’ve did something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have skimmed through applying self-forgiveness in specificity, during a moment of bring up the most foreseen and reactive thought, after achieving a moment of silence, in the attempt to get back to the focus I once had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up the most unforeseen though. After I’ve experienced a moment of silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to momentarily lose focus on what I’m doing in moments, due to allowing myself to be distracted, by the things/people around me and what they’re doing, instead of breathing myself back into focus, to erase the blur of a sideshow going on in my mind and the vicinity I’m in.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that to be here at all times takes practice to stop all infraction as created scenarios, imaginative ideal and thoughtful assumptions, through constant breathing and applying self-forgiveness in specificity, to obtain complete focus/awareness on what’s at hand for me, in moment throughout my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined focus as something to attain to, out there, where I would then say; “Man I got to focus”, then focus too much on focusing and so lose track/focus on what I’m doing in the moment, at times.

I forgve myself that I haven't accepted and allowed mself to see the Equality within myself as the focus that is me, standing Equal to and One with the word focus in itself.

And so here what I realized I would face would be the point of thinking/focusing too much about/on the word focus in itself, that would take me away from being here, and so have come up with all sorts of ways, methods and means, with trying to achieve this focus, from yelling at myself, to calling myself names, to concentrating real hard on one thing, to the point of giving myself a headache, that none of these methods were ever effective enough as solutions, no matter how much I would try and use them, therefore what had to give was the energy, I’ve placed in the word focus in itself, the chase there after and straining my brain, to the point of disaster and end up walking away from the mistake I made, to stopping everything as a momentary freeze in space and time to see if/when there’s nothing else moving/coming up, within and as me, and then exhaling myself from the blurred reactions I’m having, back into focusing, and so remain focusing in focus.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 11 Dec 2017, 21:51

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... f-a-doubt/

Day 672: Without a Shadow of a Doubt

[An Analogy of Self] The Thomas that doubted made a promise with his mind to not believe anything that anyone said, and so lived be a code of self-dishonesty. Shouting in disgust that his world is corrupt and that something needed to change, I’ve been through religion, I’ve been through spirituality and tired of the hearing the same old things, but still lied to myself about the past I held on to, that kept me in my same old ways, for days upon day, weeks, months and years, to decades I perpetuated decay, I calcified my mind up and down my spine, in an throughout my entire physical body, but suppress the pain and didn’t address the issue to see that, “it’s you” = me, blame was the game I used instead of being ashamed that I couldn’t remember, I did this to me.

Open to the idea that someday I may live to find a solution that fits, I tried everything from religion to Zen, just to realize that I was still full of shit, and within it all I kept on falling every time I would take a step, then beat up and down and to the ground and all around, over it. I didn’t see that if I am that of the problem, then the solution must exist within me, but since the mind was mine and a terrible thing to waste, I kept squandering the opportunity, and so the search goes on.

Until one day I was knee deep in ‘hay’ and saw a face on the Tube, I thought to myself after listening to it, I wonder who is this dude, because what they had to say was way out of bound, but for some reason it resonated with me, I thought and thought and couldn’t find a doubt, because of its simplicity. And that’s when I found Desteni.

But really though, why is it that we look for something outside the box, but when it smacks us in the face we jump back in, saying to ourselves, I doubt it, but felt the pain of truth that came with it? Is it that it’s just not our time to un-whine the entanglement that we’re in, or is it that we’ve become too comfortable with the limitations of four wall and a mind, that reminds us to live in sin?

To live ‘Without a Shadow of a Doubt, has nothing to do with religion, but the Knowingness that Nothingness must be achieved in order to become life, and live life to one’s utmost potential, doing that which is best for all life, so all life can thrive in and on this planet, that would seed the spawn of a New Universe to come, that can only happen when ‘You-and-I-Converse’, share our realizations with one another, that would assist and support the world as a whole (And Everything/One in it) to reach our utmost potential and truly live life Free, Without a Shadow of a Doubt.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 15 Dec 2017, 08:33

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 673: A Self-Supporting Perspective

The act of doing for ourselves what we think we can’t and need others to do for us, i.e, come save me from the shit of a life I’ve created for myself, because I can barely breathe, due to the suffocating experience we perpetuate onto ourselves, by accepting the inundating of thought that our mind present to us on the daily, that we follow around in our heads, live and act out in our world and reality, and so the support aspect of self is missed and/or unseen by most, because when seeing the problem as it currently exist, (that we’ve created) we become overwhelmed with powerlessness and hopelessness along with a magnitude of thought telling us that where unable to do anything about it, and so tell ourselves, “I can’t do anything about it”, which vails us from seeing the solution within ourselves/that we are, thinking that this to too great of a problem to even ask for assistance of show and telling me how I can fix it myself. The solution lies within you that you’ll see as the truth of who you are, once you awaken it.

And awaken to the fact that self-support is real and works, which works if you work it, without a thought of thinking about an alcoholics worst nightmare, AA, far Away from a proven solution, but a momentary remedy of suppression, because of the acceptance that I’m powerless to do anything about it, because “I” don’t know my own mind and self-worth outside a monetary value that doesn’t value the life that is me, so support me as the crutch I think I need and leave the hard things to an entity I never seen, is our beckon cry and plead, I mean most would rather die than realize I am responsible for Self and need to support me, Yes the me that put me Here in this position in my Life, Yes the Life that I disregarded in spite of knowing that the world might be different , but only if I change, then resist the chance/opportunity to stand up for life, by supporting myself. The question then is; What is Self-Support?

Self-Support (as an analogy) is like a stork that never put its head in the sand to hide behind a suppressed Idea from the past, but instead would say to the past; “Hi you Like Me Now”, that I now live in the Here and Now with no judgement or comparison, but dared to be different and did it, in equality with all that is life, and now live with all, learning to respect life that gives support, when self-support is achieved. Then again Self-Support to me is the taking of self-responsibility and responsively responding to the spontaneity of the minds design, that would have one stuck within space and time while being mined to the bone without realizing it, a divorcing in fact

The divorcing of oneself from oneself, thinking that the ring didn’t fit, but shit, I never knew that I was married to me, but only followed the tricks up my sleeves that thieved the life right out of me, to me taking a back seat with the rest of humanity, frantically waiting for a chance to step in/jump into the Double Dutch of life and support myself, I mean this mind shit is slowly but surely getting old real quick and fast, once realized how limited and slow I’ve allowed myself to be and the past I’ve clung onto, instead of realizing the need to just STOP… and BREATHE. Therefore, the solution is to seize the opportunity and opportunely support oneself to realize that our Self is more than just skin and bones, but the ultimate way home, back to the Oneness we used to be and live Equality with all as me from sea to shining sea, which all start with Self-Support. Support yourself Here to learn what Self-Support really is, and what it means to you.

Thanks for Reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 18 Dec 2017, 21:13

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 674: A Past to Present Perspective

(In the Future Sense of Now):

The past is a pause on the present to perpetuate a preferred preference, idea of how we think things should have been, ‘if only I would have…” a statement of predisposition, in positioning ourselves in a precarious state or place of time looping and illusion, eluding the point of what’s Here right in front of us that needs to be looked at, handled, sorted out and corrected in real time, for real this time, to find that what’s Here, is in fact all that matters, where as a matter of fact the past is a blinding mechanism, stating that if you can only see me now, as if something would have changed between then and now if we could go back.

The realization is that nothing would have changed, I would have remained the same old pain in the side of other, doing the same old thing with pride, while hiding as much as I could, that I was in pain too, but who wants to go back to that, really, a feeling of disappointment, because I disassociated myself as a social misfit that missed my appointment with the Present/Here and Now, and now out there somewhere wondering how did I get here, which is there and not Here.

The horrific factor is a past that haunts you, but only if you haven’t correctly faced the faces you’ve made in and throughout the mirrors of time as each one’s mind, that each one designed for themselves and don’t want to let go of, because we created it, then say things like ‘”I want to remember you just the way you are”, (before time passes by) and/or “I wish this moment could last forever”, without realizing the demise we’re manifesting by stating these words, that’s spread and heard throughout existence, which contains an undercurrent of ‘the fear of loss’, because I know/think something is bound to happen, meaning I didn’t trust myself to live out a happy ending with you, because I don’t know myself, and so want to go back and do it again. The past.

I mean do we ever forget who we are and the people around us, or is it that we’ve allowed ourselves to be calcified with a trunk full of junk thoughts, carrying it around as the burdens we bare, until we’re barely able to stand up straight, because we DID NOT just let it all go, the Past, hanging on to one’s flesh like the stench of burnt grass, then step into a different atmosphere with a bag full of shame, because these people are not the same, and it’s not what I’m used to, so I’m nervous as fuck, but just my luck, I’m assisted and helped to see the doubting of self, that I’ve perpetuated for so long, that nothing’s wrong, it’s a New environment that’s New, with a changed life that I have to get used to, by using the tools of self-honesty and self-forgiveness, in stating, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring my past into the present when interacting with people I’ve physically met for the first time in my life, and expected things to be different, but the same as I remembered, that didn’t happen in this case/situation, where interaction is always a moment of create, after correcting my stance apart from, then with the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time loop the past in my mind, of jumping through hoops to please someone, to telling myself to please stop, because this is not a circus, but how the whole world should live in a circle of harmony without harming the me that is you.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the harm I am doing to myself, by holding onto the past, as if it was the key to life, which is the minds way of using spite to stop any forward progress from coming into fruition in my life, when I am Here. Therefore, the past should be but a stepping stone, to living a corrected future, with emphasis on correcting oneself Here in the Present, that would be a present I gift myself to opening up a promising future for me to experiencing the breakthrough that oh so needed in my life, that’s been looming in the distance, waiting for me to make a corrected decision, So, HERE I Stand. Learn how to move passed the Past and live in the Present HERE.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 21 Dec 2017, 22:52

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... alization/

Day 675: A Startling Realization

The alarming shock treatment perpetuated onto the physical body, that some connect to the statement; “Being caught read handed”, with big eyes and a solemn look on one’s face, is not necessarily a point of fear, or being scared, but a return to the Here-ness of Now, out of one’s mind, during the following of a thought around in one’s head, that in most cases we dread to leave and believe it’s who we are and in the midst of creating, that’s misconstrued as contemplating, which is an actual internal conversation that’s taking place, interrupted and erased when a noise/sound, movement and/or person comes into our vicinity unannounced, and in our unawareness we say; “Man you scared the shit out of me”, while really it’s a gift (if realized), that one was in one’s mind, which is NOT into-me-I-see (Self-Intimacy), and so become startled.

A simple jolt is all that’s needed to awaken the inter-you from participating in the sideshow, in essence, as if the cells in your body are asking you, have you learned your lesson yet, and still create an imaginative picture of ‘what if though’, and that’s where the fear of things come in at, which begs the question, are we really afraid, or just scared of the idea of something happening , I mean it could get extensive, when not realizing that nothing should move me in anyway what so ever.

And in some cases, we cleverly suppress the reaction inside, then go outside and smoke a cigarette to stabilize ourselves, stating to oneself; “I’m alright”, but Whoa to the act of none correction, which is self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to not take with me the lesson and Art of being Here, but instead for the second time got caught looking into my mind and so became startled.

A borrowed moment from reality is a fallacy, because I fail to see the importance of being Here, and that time is not on our side, but a tool to be used and side with, in increments when spending one’s day in the moment, which houses clarity, which makes for a less startled me. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inundate myself with an alarming shock treatment, as a statement of being startled when roaming around in my mind and awaken suddenly by a noise/sound, movement and/or someone coming into my vicinity unannounced, as if the cells of my body have announced to me in the form of a jolt, “Where were you”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved into being startled, when following around a bombardment of thought in my head, and instead of realizing the gift within it all, fall for being scared of “what if”, something was going wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become startled when my friend walked in the room where I was working, then look at him with big eyes, because of being shocked out of my mind and back Here.

So after I experienced this a few times, I started to investigate why this was and realized it not to be a point of fear, but a needing to be Here and focused on what I was doing, then tested it for cross referencing, where when he came in times after that, I didn’t experience such a jolt of being startled, but more of a stable calm demeanor, because I made sure I was in the Here-ness of Now, and as an bonus/additive was able to support him, when I went out for a moment and came back in on him working and startled him, and so shared my realizations with him about how I experienced the same thing when he came in earlier, and so became an “Ah Ha” moment for the both of us.

Thanks for reading.

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 25 Dec 2017, 20:15

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -approval/

Day 676: Looking for Approval

One goes to a boss and ask for an approval, as the completion of a work done, but in the mean time unsure about the work one has done and until the Nod of acceptance is given, one remain in a state of uncertainty/nervousness/fear of being spited in a way, which is a form of self-judgement along with the distrust we have for ourselves, because, if with self, one is assured that one has done things to the best of ones ability, so why look for
Approval, when the proof lies within one ability to effectively get things done?

Looking for Approval, interesting how, (And I’m guilty of this to) when two guys pass each other on the streets they give each other a head nod as if to say what’s up and call this respect and leave it at that, when this should be done by each of us, to/towards all equally, amd as the acceptance of all that all is equal to We.

It’s ingrained within our DNA as the programing we exist as, that others are more important than we are, to the point of making everything we do about them, to show them that, “Hey I’m human too”, but is it human to believe that you’re not, I mean the whole lot of us in a way experience inferiority towards someone in our world, thinking that in a way we’re less than, and then go about our life, in chase after what each other got, just to say, look at me, I got it too, when in essence, if you look at it, we all have and/or have had the same abilities that each one has, but what differs is the opportunity afforded to some and not all equally, and so look for approval from those who have more.

And interesting how those who have more look to keep their approval rating high, while in the meantime, on a downward spiral of disapproval, from those whose toes been stepped on by them, on their way to the top, unaware that it takes the support of everyone underneath them to stay on top, so but when the tower starts to crumb, and equalize itself into a rubbly fashion, one’s approval ratings become null in void, but still we hold onto impressions, impressing our imprint of the character we’ve created for the acceptance of others onto others, which is still Looking for approval, looking to be approved, then lose touch with reality that’s calling for the equalization of you and me in every way possible, and still don’t see it.

How can one possibly keep up with the Joneses when the Joneses have only combines there STUFF to present a fake face, that’s veiled by a fake smile and eating crepes, in front of the kitchen window for all to see, while on the inside looking for approval from the Andersons, so to speak, and them the Jacksons and so on and so forth, causing refractions that ripples and spread throughout existence as a whole, and expect and Holy than Thou
Being to come and equalize the separation we’ve perpetuated for Aon of time, up until this point of compartmentalizing ourselves away from each other, while looking to be approved by each other, when all one have to do is to walk outside and get to know your neighbor as yourself.

With the removal of the idea that we all should live in fear Here of each other, equalizes the playing field, where no deals need to be made to be on the same side, outside the cages we’ve placed ourselves in, the little boxes and bubble we claim people are in, when what come out of your mouth is you in fact You and not them, because they didn’t say it, You did, and just now only pointed it out to yourself, so take heed to what you’ve just Approved yourself to say, and to see it as a gift to correct on the Christmas day, to walk into tomorrow with an expression of the Approval that you are, that’s far from looking in a sense, because you’ll Now be living it.

Thanks for reading.




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