Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 22 Jan 2018, 20:21

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -a-moment/

Day 687: Staying within the Energy of a Moment

Happy times and realizations created, to praise given for something said or did, spawns the excitement we get, at the moment received/realized, that we then take with us, run with and want to relive and replay over and over again, and again as if it ‘ll never happen again, and that’s all I got and that’s all there is, and this is the type of energy I like to stay within, to I can’t top that, Ima hard act to follow, oh so how we down ourselves in sorrow when taking it into tomorrow, and when tomorrow comes we miss out on a new moment of inspiration, by waiting on the same thing to happen again.

Where if the energy is left within the moment, makes room for self-expansion and the enhancement of ourselves, to becoming a better self, to being that better self, to living a better life, to living every moment within breath outside the energy that arises, which creates a better awareness of all that is me, as all that is life, to all that I see and take responsibility for, to all that I’ve become and taking responsibility for, that cannot be achieved, if I’m staying within the energy of a moment that’s already passed me.

What’s then said is; “I wish that I can be this person all of the time, and receive praises like this all of the time, but if ‘all of the time’ was a way to live, I would be living in time, and on time Here, all of the time, living outside of any fear, outside of being attach to what I hold dear, and close to me as material possessions and stressing if I don’t have someone else’s blessing, on the things I do I’m apt to second guessing myself too, I really need to trust myself, what about you, instead of staying within the energy of a moment past due.

Point being when one has gotten so used to not being appreciated and pushed aside as if one wasn’t really a part of things, when one finally experience a moment of acceptance, unexpectedly from others, in a way of thankfulness for sharing oneself within the process one has walked thus far, it’s easy to become attached to it, and attach a positive energetic feeling to it, and want to stay within the energy of this moment, way after the moment is done, I mean it takes time for one to become comfortable with the Idea of unobstructed real time acceptance, that’s real all the time and not just for a few second.

I mean I wish this moment could last forever, and forever and it can, where there’ll be more moments like this, if one just stand and keep standing, to be Here in the moment and own it as an expression of me, outside of trying to please, but to do it all for myself, because it’s who I am now, no more looking for acceptance or waiting for fake smiles, as a sign of acceptance for all to see, which is still based in energy that we now call synergy, because I’m starting to feel it internally flowing through me, which is not cool.

So what’s required is the use of these tools; where Self-Honesty comes into play and Writing does wonders, then followed by Self-Forgiveness, to stop the ponder, what if’s and assumptions, but not quite done, to what will I do if this pattern arises again, that’s “When and as I see myself”… Corrective Statements into Application, then applying it to your life as a Corrective Living style, to living one’s utmost potential, Here and Now, to no longer accepting and allowing myself to continue to bow down to my mind, but to live within the parameters of one moment at a time, without taking the energy of it into the next.

Thanks for Reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 24 Jan 2018, 20:01

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -specific/

Day 688: The Specificity in Being Specific

Specifically speaking is not only reserved for teachers and teaching, like beating around the bush is reserved for preachers when preaching an ether of a message that knocks you right out of yourself, off balance and away from expressing the talent of being Here, but for all to be clear about what’s really going on in one another’s life and the life we have to live right Here on this planet.

Different people from different walks of life, that speaks different languages, with different slangs, that all means the same thing, for most part have somewhat of a time communicating with one another, unless the commonality is within one language they both speak, but at times still seek clarity within the context from which the words is placed and said, that for a moment boggles one’s head, into pondering what do they really mean, that may be why one would experience a moment of silence after a joke was said and not seen by the other person.

Rehearsing and/or reciting scripts to say, if not done in person can be taken the wrong way, where one has preempted a conversation before it actually happen and have created answer for questions not asked, but assumed will be with no specificity on a potential topic that would be discussed, and so therefore we end up manipulating the conversation to go our way and in a rush, according to the answers we came up with yesterday, that for most part causes a fuss between us and the person we’re communicating with.

And if one wants to be accepted but have nothing to say, will say just about anything to see an eyebrow raised, which usually end up being about what someone else has done, in the attempt to make fun of what this person has done, which may not be in the context with what’s being talked about, and so now the interruption will be talked about, like what do you mean, and taken the wrong way, and now have to explain the nature of your ways, that raises questions about you even being there, within a group of friend and what you had to share, all because we weren’t specific in what we had to say.

At times it really doesn’t hurt to live “mums the word”, if what we say may sound absurd, I mean we should just sit back and observe, then talk about what we ‘ve lived and learned, where the specifics in who you are will shine through, that way everyone present will understand you, because who really want’s their words mixed and jumbled up, to being fumbled up and said the wrong way, that comes back to you in a different word play, where you then look at it and have to say, “I didn’t say that you must be crazy”, that can be misconstrued as a point of being lazy, because we didn’t take the time to be specific in what we said that’s now all hazy and unclear to someone you may respect, and in a way hold dear when walking your process, and so need to become obsessed with being Specific. And that’s it for now, more to come.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 27 Jan 2018, 20:30

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ific-pt-2/

Day 689: The Specificity in Being Specific Pt.2

Continuing for Day 688: The Specificity in Being Specific

And so, need to become obsessed with being Specific. And that’s it for now, more to come.

The obsession thereof is the specificity in being specific, where the metaphor of a life we’ve created for ourselves, comes through in our words, and so at times speak in metaphors that others can’t relate to, because they haven’t seen what we’ve seen and/or heard what we’ve heard, from someplace or someone else, (i.e. Person/Movie/Advertisement/Environment etc.) that stuck with us, and now use as a defining factor to what we’re trying to get across to the other person, I mean I’m definitely guilty of this more so in my past when wanting to sound like I knew what I was talking about, but couldn’t explain it specifically, because I didn’t do the research on it, and at the same time, didn’t want to be seen as not knowing much about what was being discussed, in my interaction with other people.

Then you have purposefully unspecifying things when talking to other, because we’re unsure as to what response we’ll get from them, according to the hint we’re giving, which Is more related to Hinting towards something, to someone I would say, that we define as testing the waters so to speak, instead of saying exactly what it is that we’re looking for, therefore our perception of an answer not given, dictates the structure/selection and placement of our words, which is far from being specific, to the point of giving a “questioned answer” such as; “You know what I mean”!, but still don’t say what it is that we really mean.

It’s also interesting how we at times, take it upon ourselves to not say certain things to people in our worlds, in the belief that we know what’s best for them, mostly with children, where instead of being specific in answering what their asking about, we tell them things like; “You’re not old enough to know” and “When you get older, I’ll tell you, but for now get that crap out of your mind”, and/or “Get out of here boy, don’t you see grown folks are talking”, which always made me wonder even more what they were talking about, thinking they’re talking about me, (and that’s where we get that from). And also, why kids grow up, not knowing how to control themselves, because things like ‘the birds and the bees’ are not explained correctly and/or at all in some households, in which case mistakes are made, and many more.

But we get it from our parents and they get it from their parent and depending on the environment in which we’re raised, determine what we know/how much we know, and how much we’re able to say to someone, before we go into just winging it, (making it up as we go along), which brings us back to the point of not being specific and not listening to what being said, but judging it in our head as a point to debunk or trump.

Which opens the door for not hearing specifically, unconditionally, where selective hearing comes into play and the words; “I thought you said”…, comes up in hindsight of now seeing what was really meant behind the words that was said, and taken a different way, to believing our version of it, and spreading it around, which is one way disinformation and gossip is created, laid out, told and spread throughout our worlds, where separation is then born, because now two people that don’t even know each other, are pitted against each other, because of the word of another, who didn’t hear specifically what was told to them by one or the other persons, but took it upon themselves to say what they thought they heard in their own way, where now, if so happen these two people meet, there’s already somewhat of an unspoken disconnect between them, because of what one has heard about the other, while the real culprit (within it all) has gone about their way and onto corrupting the next persons business and day.

Addons within the chain of specificity is self-interest based, where one would seize the moment of attention given, when telling others about a time/experience they had with someone, in the belief that they’ll get a greater response to what they’re saying, by pumping up what really happened, instead of sticking to the specifics of what really happened, which has now turned into a big fat lie, although the bases to what’s being said is the truth, but yet and still we’ll leave it at that without checking ourselves, being self-honest with ourselves and correcting the mishap we’ve just created for ourselves and direct it towards others

But would rather walk around elated that we made other laugh, if that’s the case, but in any case, need to and should be corrected, before the accumulation of consequences comes into play and set in, to disrupting the normality of our everyday life. And thus, the need to be specific.

- more to come.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 29 Jan 2018, 22:28

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rgiveness/

Day 690: The Specificity in Being Specific (Self-Forgiveness)

So, continuing from Day 688 and 689: The Specificity in Being Specific Pts. 1 & 2, here I do some self-forgiveness on the points that opened up, that I’ve faced and /or is currently facing. And it goes a little something like this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only specify and remember what someone has said, what I’ve read and/or saw in Advertisement/Movies etc., things of self-interest that resonated with me, in pursuit of my wants/needs and desires, that fired up an energetic experience within an as me, telling others I know what I’m talking about, but only within these certain things, that wasn’t based in substantiality, but light gravity (so to speak,) that I used to float up into my mind, throughout my day, dreaming of being happy that I knew something, that had nothing to do with changing me, which was the extent of my specificity in being specific at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this energetic experience to manipulate myself into believing that I’m definitely changing, because I didn’t know the specificity of these things a few months ago, instead of realizing that change only comes when I’m living and applying the knowledge and information I receive and chose to hold onto specific parts of it, that suited my self-interest and let the rest go, because it didn’t fit my forte (per se), which is actually the religious way of looking at things, to only take bits and specific piece of it, as the Protestants did to break away from the Catholics in Thesis, that in a way kept me within the design of a believe system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have rehearsed and or recited ready made scripts to say to other, that would validate my being specific in what I thought I knew, then would have ready made answers for potential questions, when being questioned about the specificity in what I would say, that for most part was all made up, most of the time, because of my Bit taking and Bit Sharing, which was not the complete story, and so try manipulating the conversation to go my way, quickly and in a rush, that ended up causing somewhat a fuss between the person I was spewing my bullshit to and I., I mean in the end it was all a lie I made myself believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in seeking after the attention of wanting to be accepted by others in my past, say just about anything to see and eyebrow raise, that wasn’t always necessarily what was being discussed, and at times end up being questioned, about what and who I was talking about, to the point of others silently questioning me even being there, that I had to learn a lesson the hard way, that I now walk as a corrected point today, but faced with the consequences of sabotaging my past relationships, I could have keep with me today, all because I wasn’t speaking specifically to what was being discussed, but tried to change the topic to me instead of us, that often times than a few, backfired on me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to (back then), see, realize and follow through with the well know saying ‘mums the word’, which would have kept me from sounding absurd and loosing friends, meaning if I really don’t have anything to specifically say about the topic being discussed, Don’t just make the shit up, but to wait to talk about something that I really know about, live and apply in my everyday life, that I now know ‘oh so well’, to do and not to do, hence my silence at times when in group discussions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I need to be obsessed with being specific in a way, to not let anything pass or get by me, but to make sure that what I heard was what I heard, and what I read was what I read, and what I saw was in fact what I saw, with nothing more or less, but the actual factual, in the specificity of what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my past, have spoken in metaphor as a response to what was being discussed and/or asked, where in one incident I was with two individuals and one was asking a question about something they was unsure about, and as I begin to answer, I started speaking in metaphors they couldn’t understand and said, they didn’t understand what I meant and why do I talk in metaphors, then preceded to ask the other person, who specifically answered their question, plain and simplistically, which was an eye opener for me, in realizing what I was actually doing, that I then woke up about, but hadn’t till now applied self-forgiveness for, and so, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of being specific in answering a question from someone, speak in metaphors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to specifically and on purpose unspecify things (not saying exactly what I mean and hinting towards) when talking to others, where I would beat around the bush, in hopes they pick up on what I was getting at, which nine times out of ten was based in self-interest, where manipulation would be the play at hand, because I was unsure as to what type of response I would get from them, (like for example, making an excuse to be with someone, when you have ulterior motives and they know it, but play along with the game you’re presenting) when all one have to do, is to specifically say our intentions in the first place, and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak, in essence; “Say it how it is son”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been faced with, as a child, being told, that I wasn’t old enough to know things and took it personally, but kept this ideology stored within and as me, to be use towards someone in my world once I grew up, and so did this in a few instances to someone that was close to me, that I faced the consequences for, by them withholding vital information from me that I could have used to correct a brewing situation at the time in a relationship I was in, and when asked why, they said “You did the same to me” and there was nothing I could say, but swallow my pride, that in a way jeopardized our relationship with this person, that haven’t been the same since, which goes to show how one needs to stand corrected within the resolve of correcting ones past patterns and personalities we’ve created in our youth, that will come back and bite us in the ass, at the most unforeseen time, again not being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and had selective hearing, in a way of not remembering what has been said specifically, and have taken it (in my past) and added my two cent to it, then choose to spread it as a conversation piece about someone , that I misconstrued and said the wrong way, that was then taken by the person telling me, the wrong way and so self-handedly sabotaged my relationship with them. I mean it’s the specifics that when learned and understood can creates change in one’s life, and so I commit myself to making sure I stick to the specifics of things, to no longer accept and allow myself to take it upon myself to alter/change/addon to the specifics of what has been said, I’ve heard and/or saw, but instead if clarity is needed, to go back and ask/look at, to hear and/or see the specifics of it again.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 31 Jan 2018, 22:28

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... eing-sick/

Day 691: The Excuse within Being Sick

Oh how this is such a good one to give up on, being that in fact we are under the weather, but whether or not it’s a point to give up on, remain to be seen, and used as a go in between handling our responsibilities or taking an extended period of time off, to not doing anything at all, when all we have to do is the little that we can, in the meantime, while our body takes the time needed to assist itself to do for us what we can’t see to do for ourselves.

From coughing to sneezing to runny noses and sneezing again, to coughing even more, as if you’re about to cough up a lung, to the depletion of energy, because into me I see that I’m not doing well, and want to tell the next person I see that I’m sick for them to feel sorry for me and come take care of me, but in the mean time my awareness is shot and the little things I miss, because I’ve fallen for the chinky eyed feeling, as if I got a hangover from being too sober, while listening to the thoughts playing in the background, “This is a cool time to give up, you deserve a break today”, while knowing that I still have a lot to do today, to doing what I can, because I’m a one man band and it’s only me, so giving up is not an option.

But some opinion may vary telling me that I work too hard, who hardly work and have an answer for everything that happens to you, but never question themselves as to what they do or don’t do, which really doesn’t matter, because the matter as fact is that I’m going through this, Not you, but will tell you that you need pray, like “It’s me/It’s me/It’s me of Lord, standing in the need of some medicine”, so I can suppress even more the lesson, I’m supposed to learn from this, which is more of a self-correction, that you can’t really do anything about, but to walk through it, remain stable and come out the other side all the better for it.

The excuse within being sick, was built upon layers of bricks, from back in our childhood, when we got sick and sought after the more gentle, caring parent (as my buddy explained to me) and created this personally around it, with big eyes, in seeing this as a way to get more attention, to making ourselves sick because we didn’t want to do something, like go to school, for instance, lol, to seeing an instant change once our self-interest is fulfilled, to taking this with us into Adulthood, and into our relationships to get our self-interest fulfilled, to now being alone and realizing me as all one, to no more playing this silly game for fun.

Thing is, not to say that one should still go full steam ahead, because that virtually impossible that I have experienced, but now when and as these thoughts come up of wanting to give up, to not follow suit, but to weigh between what I can and can’t physically, keeping in my regard that my body do need rest as well, and to take it one breath at a time, will tell, until we get no more excuse within being sick and lying, but to walk through it without trying to change the dynamics of it. And that’s it.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 03 Feb 2018, 20:51

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -in-the-a/

Day 692: When the Perception of “Nothing’s Wrong”, Bites you in the A**.

The outer shell of a character played oh so well, is but a veil to cover up what’s really going on, in our worlds and reality, that’s really a tight shoe fit away from having a blister of a time maintaining one’s sanity with a sound mind, that make sounds in the form of voices in our heads, telling us that everything is going to be alright and you’re fine, when we can’t find where we left our keys, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg, but let someone else look in on it from the outside, there’s nothing wrong.

Thing is, we then accept this “Nothing’s Wrong” concept that we’ve created for others to see and run with it, to the point of keeping everything bottled up within and as us, to not say nothing to no one, or ask for help, like look man, I’m really going through something right now and don’t know how to handle it, i.e. and sickness/flu or hard time of sort, or even short-term memory loss, while trying to be a good sport, when things are probably all bad, and it’s sad because nine time out of ten, the opportunity we had to reach out to someone who’ve notice and/or asked if we’re ok, we squander away with a simple smile on our face, then turn around in dismay, asking ourselves, ”Why didn’t I say something”.

And interesting how the compounding factor comes into play, where now that people assume that you fine and ok, start inviting you places and/or offering to do things with you, where you just can’t refuse now, because of the perception you’ve upheld, and by saying no would through a monkey wrench in your mojo, so as the point of interaction get closer and closer, we then feel the need to come up with some form of excuse to not go through with it, because we just physically can’t do it , but want to save face as much as we can, then after the fact, do the same thing again, until you get caught out there and have to tell the truth, and now everybody knows exactly what’s really wrong with you.

Point being we can only do what we can according to that we have and physically able to do in any given moment, but to present ourselves as if nothings wrong, only prolong what we’re going through, because we’ve fallen in love with the energy that come with this perception, I mean how long can we really hold up this mountain of an idea, especially now since we’re feeling that effects of this perpetuation in the form of pain onto our physical bodies.

I mean it’s a wonder how we really get through things, when making it hard on ourselves, by wanting to be seen as ok and stable, willing and able to do what we really can’t do at the time, but place ourselves between a rock and a hard place and fine that it’s a small space to fit, things is, if we don’t give a shit about what’s going on within and as us, not one else will know, and/or give a shit either, because we’ve decided to leave out the fine print of what we’re dealing with, and it hurts.

Therefore, the more we continue this self-created behavior, the more we stay the same, doing the same old things, playing the same old game, acting like I don’t know what you’re talking about, when going down the same old roads, saying the same old shit out of our mouths, with this same old perception of “Nothing Wrong”, that hasn’t gotten us anywhere within our lives, where one would think, it’s been time to stand up and reach out to the very ones we’re in fear of sharing ourselves with, that’s been there sharing themselves with us, so what makes us greater than them, saying to ourselves, I don’t want them to see me like this, but why perceive how they would be, when the best of us remains to be seen, I mean try it out, you might find that others are more acceptable to who you really are outside the façade we put up, that has taken us nowhere thus far. Was it worth it?


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held up the perception that nothing’s wrong, throughout my life, with the excuse that I’m strong enough and can handle things myself, which was really a cover up for not wanting others to see me within a moment or moments of vulnerability, in which case I’ve defined vulnerability as a point of judgement, in the belief that I would be judge by others, if they knew that I had things wrong with me too, instead of seeing/realizing I was in fact judging myself, without looking at the example they would give, by sharing themselves with me unconditionally, that I didn’t judge them, so why would it be the other way around, and found myself stuck on the same rut, time and time again, because of this, I have patronized within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made it harder on myself at times to get through certain things and points of times throughout my life, by using this perceptual cover up technique, that has forever kept me limited as sheep to who I was, not getting to the point of experiencing and/or reaching the utmost potential of who I really am as life, all because of this shell of a thought I thought and perpetuate that nothing’s wrong and played out as a lullaby song in the back of my mind, that would put me to sleep, away from being Here and speaking on that in which I need assistance on at the time, then find myself feeling the effects of this slumber, where it’s time to wake up and realize that, yes we create the thunder in our life, but don’t need to lie to ourselves in disguise that everything’s ok, so the word play of the day is that it’s ok to reach out, and just don’t be scared to open your mouth, but speak about you son.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 06 Feb 2018, 20:42

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... in-stress/

Day 693: The Skinny in Stress

Feeling that the world is going to end, because things are not going our way, is detrimental to oneself when walking down a highway of emotions, to swimming in an ocean of feeling, simply because the love potion I took with someone is wearing off, because they don’t like me anymore, so I’m just going to sit back and eat ice cream and stream love videos until I cry myself to sleep, because when I’m dreaming I don’t think, but wake up in the morning, just to sink deeper into this depressive state, but wait , I forgot to eat and now I’m skinny, to being a mini version of me, with plenty of room for growth and expansion, but let me tell it, I’m living in a mansion, in my mind and all is fine, I’ll just keep suppressing the point of stressing and have huge breakdowns, instead of confessing to someone what’s really going on with me.

I mean don’t I look good now, I got a model body, but can’t hold myself up hardly, because everytime I do, I think of what has already happen, then go back into what happened in my mind, in search of what I did wrong and could have change, instead of changing me at this point and time, I mean it’s should be a crime what we put our bodies through when stressing, where we start erasing substance from our own physical flesh, instead of seeing the lesson in it all.

When you think about it stressing is such a skinny Idea, but accepted as an acceptable phenomenon, like how many times you’ve heard someone in your world saying “I’m stressing”, and we accept it as a point to be ok with, as the nonacceptance of responsibility, because you’re stressing me out, so stop stressing me out, can’t you see, I’m getting skinny., but no one wants to hear this, because how dare you tell me I’m not allowed to stress, where in some casing they might say that the right amount of stress is health that keeps you on our toes, but fuck that, if you look back at what you’re going through with the pain of uncontrollably crying, like lying to yourself out loud, I feel like die, because I can’t make it stop, is the point where all one has to do is to say stop and mean it and it will, for most part, for enough time for introspection to take place to take a commanding role in the face of you, and this perceived problem, to solving it with no problem.

We tend to blow things out of proportion at time, then believe the portion we blew into a hug balloon, to be the size of the Goodyear blimp, then look back on it like “Oh no, how did this happen”, as we then accept the overwhelming factor of it, into being swallowed up into a stressful mind possession, when all on has to do is take a pin of a moment to investigate it and poke a hole in this ever so expanding idea and watching it deflate to being just a skinny point to resolve.

It’s easy to see how growing up, the point of stressing was only in relations to something being taken away from us, that we’ve grown attached to and so fear losing, to losing it, then getting over it in the next moment, then into thinking about other people and their perception of us, in grade school, then in to High School, into stressing about fitting in, and will I make the grade or the team, to will I get into college and how hard will it be, to wanting to make my parents proud of me, (depending on how one was raise), according to the normal societal way of being raise, but what about those who was raised in a different environment, under a different set of circumstances, with No running water, and not knowing where there next meal will come from, and so on, I mean look at it, then ask yourself, is what you’re stressing about really worth it, in consideration of the have nots, that no one wants to see, and I know it’s hard because that was me, and have to remind myself, what are you really stressing about, to seeing that we’re always one step away from solving the problem, but all we have to do is look at it first.

Simply put stress causes one not to eat or sleep and neglect ones responsibilities, to becoming sick in some case, and unbearable to those around us, to eventually giving up on life in itself, which is not an option, until one has had enough of it and decide to stand up, within the realization that I’m creating this bullshit for myself, which is a waste of time and energy, in search of some form of energy to get us out of this funk, when all one has to do is to deal with any matter as if it was a pressing problem in the moment, to not let it build into anything greater, prevention is the best cure. Therefore, one can learn about oneself and practical life skills even more, Here, a free online course that would start one into Self-Mastery, and so stopping the Skinny in Stress forever.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 08 Feb 2018, 20:57

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 694: A Resisting Perspective

That for some reason we don’t feel like doing in the moment, with the excuse/justification looming in the background to push it off until later, that’s a procrastinators dream words, while promising to ourselves that I’ll get to it, you just watch, wait and see, to seeing the next day that nothing ever got done, because I was lazy, which is easy to do when it’s related to only me and you, but for someone else it’s always a different story.

But will still look for ways to get around it if we can, like washing the dishes and leaving the pots and pan, because I didn’t want to scrub them in the moment, so I just let them soak which is easier for the grease to come undone over time, but still a point of resistance that I’m fine with, that little by little soaks up my time quick, to not having enough time for myself later, than later do the same thing again, to resisting the point of having resistance and then when finished, telling ourselves, I could have done this a long time ago, I mean where have all the time gone that I need right now.

Which brings up the point of accumulated resistance (time), where if we were to look back at all the time we’ve delegate to the point of resistance, throughout our lives, I’m sure it would add up to all the time we wish you had right now, in a moment of being sad, that I’m not going to be able to finish this in the time I have, and interesting the design of it that’s so perfectly place, I mean the resistance we face, really takes up extra space in our lives, until it’s walked through and realized to be that something extra that we can do without, that would change our perspective on life, without a doubt.

And pouting within the belief that I have no energy, but the energy that I needed I resisted completely to staying in my ways of self-judgement and empathy, to simply not doing anything at all, until the last moment in the midst of a fall that never fails, because I’m now seeing it all, to standing tall and getting back on track again, but am I too late, because even when I’m done it’s still a moment I waste, and end up resisting to even face and correct, although it comes up as a past reflection, no need for missed opportunities and a moment of self-direction, but to instead take self-responsibility.

What I realize is that when sitting down and jumping right into it, the point of resistance seems to diminish, dissipates and fade away into the back ground and the more I continue the easier it get, to getting it done without putting much thought into it, and then rinse and repeat every time this resistance comes as a point to defeat, to stay consistent and meekly walk through it throughout your day, keeping in mind that the word play of the day is to create space in your life, by facing and walking through the point of resistance today.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 11 Feb 2018, 21:13

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Day 695: Who am I, in the Moment of Doing Things

More like where are we and what is our inspiration for doing the things we do, to what is it that we use (in essence) to keep ourselves grounded here and focused on what’s at hand, to who am I doing this for and why is it not for me, to am I always the starting point of what I chose to participate in or is it to appease others? Interestingly enough these are questions we don’t ask ourselves beforehand, before getting deep into doing things, participating within things, but would rather (unaware) follow an automated way of doing things, without considering the direction we’re taking is not by our own accord (although it feels like it), but by what’s been the way of the world for so long and as far back as we can remember, and so who am I in the moment of doing things is not considered.

What I’ve come to realize (with assistance) is that, it’s not necessarily the outcome of what were doing that counts, (although it do), but our participation within the process of doing it, for example, say one is having a conversation with someone, about any specific topic where, the ‘Who I am’ comes in investigating and looking at what thoughts are coming up within me, what reactions are coming up, if any to what’s being said/discussed and why am I allowing such thoughts/reactions to come up, where in the moment one can do self-forgiveness within oneself to stop this from happening and/or take a pause or step back from the conversation, in asking for a moment to clear oneself, but who does that, when the only thing that’s on one’s mind is getting one’s point across, which begs the question, is getting one’s point across more important than clearing and correcting oneself in the moment or before the moment to communicate effectively?

Obviously when it comes to work related projects and things, one’s starting point is that of survival, but within that, what may come up is a point of competition, of wanting to do better than your colleague or the person in the cubical next to you, in order to stand out and apart from the rest, in the bosses eye, which can still be achieved, by doing the best we can, without bringing the next person into it, that in a way takes away from the authentication of what we’re doing, that opens the door for missing things and mistakes made, with the extra of someone else being on our minds.

Then when you’re alone is where the real test comes in, even just around the house when doing random things, where who am I comes in when thinking about what’s going through my mind when cooking and cleaning, other than just cooking and cleaning, and it’s fascinating how our mind will bring up, certain things to think about in certain parts of our homes, that when in that specific area we may have specific thought about what’s now coming up, but when we leave that room it stops, then get to the next and a memory of being in that room resurface that’s accompanied by an old thought that came up before when previously being in there, and so on and so on.

Initially what I didn’t realize is that these old thoughts that’s being triggered by going into specific room in my house, is points being shown to me that may have underlying dimensions that I hadn’t looked at, in the initial moments of correction and doing self-forgiveness for them, that need to be looked at again and investigated deeper, but instead wondered why this was happening, into judging myself for it, instead of the continued correction of it, that altered who I really am, to who I had become in a moment of self-judgement.

I mean forgetting to let it go, is easier said than done, than should be the first thing done, in the sense of stopping the extra baggage before any correction can be taken, placing oneself in a position of changing the experience of me before and during, doing the things we do, that would show that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, at all times. Therefore, the correction would be;


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, but have rather disregard the investigation needed of the experience of me, in bringing up extra thoughts, memories and reactions to what I’m doing/participating in, from conversations, to projects at work, that could work out better for myself, if I let go of the judgement I hold towards myself, as resentment for becoming emotional in the midst of doing things, to correcting every aspect of what comes up within me, as these thoughts and reactions to standing in fact as the starting point of what I do and allow myself to participate in, as who I am as life.

And in doing so, one begins to take self-responsibility for our behavior when in the little moments of doing things, to doing things in awareness that I am Here/Present and focused on what’s at hand, before and in front of me, to doing the best that I can with efficiency and effectively.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 14 Feb 2018, 19:39

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Day 696: The Devil is in the Details

What you don’t see, but eventually will see, is the devil in you and the devil in me, because of the way we lived, brushed aside and swept under the rug, has now piled up into a pile of crud, that in the moment of enacting, may have housed cruel intentions, where the mere mention of what we’ve done may cause one to cringe, but only we know the details to what’s so hard for us to see, thing is once known, will we then take self-responsibility and correct it, nobody has to know so by all means don’t put yourself on blast, just be self-honest with yourself when correcting your past, to get to the point where one is changing at last, that can be seen by others, that they’re changing fast.

They say the devil is in the details, but no one want’s to tell you what it is, because of it being a slogan that no one has lived, except when the details can make you a lot of money, I mean everybody wants to live in the land of milk and honey, but no one want’s to share this land equally with all, I mean they fall, you fall, I fall, and we all fall and that’s all she wrote folks, to seeing this world as one big joke, to poking holes at and within it, to sinking deeper into our devious intentions and way, to dealing with only what we can save for ourselves and leave the scraps for the rest, not considering that the details is in what we just left.

They say the devil is in the details, but who really reads the fine print, when all that’s really longed for is the energy within it, to attaining this energy, then saying money well spent, while in the midst of forgetting about common sense, that in a short time this product will break like everything else, that we then place as another trinket on our shelf, next to all the other stuff we’ve missed the details in, then claim that the devil is the catapult to our sins, but really though when we’ve just reversed the word lived, and blamed the devil instead of learning how to self-forgive.

If the details got the devil in them, then we haven’t lived life, but deviled in spite our whole damned life, claiming that if they’re wrong I must be right, but who cares about the details if all we do is fight over which way to look at it, with a thousand different perspectives, instead of coming to one accord by doing introspection, and of course it’s best to be detailed in what you do, which can be done without the devil coming out of you., just to blow things out of proportion, instead of playing with fine tune, where a two week project would probably take you to June or July all because of the energetic high of wanting to be seen as the show off type, then thinking about it too much into procrastination and prolonging into telling ourselves I’m just being detail when everything is going wrong, because the word detailed has become an excuse to take our time, and the devil comes in when being directed by our mind, so yes there is a fine line between the details and the devil, and that fine line is the way we chose to tell it, and look at it and sort it out, to be detailed in fact, but by all means don’t get stuck between the crack of being detailed and over doing it to knowing that you blew it, but to slow down and breath, then move through it like fluid to get things done. So, the word play of the day is to have fun when being detailed and leave the devil out of it, to be able to walk through with ease all sorts of problems.

Thanks for reading.




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