Carlton's Journey To Life

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Anna
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 05 Mar 2014, 18:36

Cool Carlton!



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 07 Mar 2014, 05:48

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... real-time/

Day 7: Realizing My Brokenness (Real Time)

In this post I will be walking the point of doing things different than I would have normally. It seems to be hard to do things differently, taking a new approach to things or trying something new for the first time and much easier to stick with what I know “works” for me. This is how I have programed myself to be my entire life. There are two saying that I remember hearing growing up, the first is “You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make them drink”. The other is “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. How do these phrases apply to me? In a non-literal sense, the water being something that I should have done, but didn’t because I believed that I had things under control, not realizing that I was being controlled. So every time I was lead to the water to drink per say; I used my “free choice”/ spite to refuse, which kept me following my designed path.

”If it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. This is were doing things differently, taking a new approach to things and trying something new for the first time comes into play. Not correcting myself. Being as stubborn as I was, I would walk around as if there was nothing unusual about the way I presented myself as a (character presentation), and the way that I addressed and spoke to people as if they were (lessor than). As long as I was making myself “happy” that’s all that mattered. As I look back at myself, there is a lot of correcting (fixing) that needs to be done within me.

I realize facing myself is hard to do when I am used to following the same old patterns not wanting to do things differently or take a different approach to things and not wanting to try something new for the first time because I believed in the saying “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I didn’t realize that I was broke, needing to be fixed my entire life. I have now the tools to fix my “brokenness” which is as mentioned writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and the Gift of this 7 Year Journey To Life Process, which I have found at DESTENI. Self-Forgiveness!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do things differently, take a new approach to things or trying something new for the first time than what I am used to doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that there is no other way because I had things under control, not realizing that I was being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind control me into believing that I have free choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the non-literal sense of the phrase “You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make them drink” use my “free choice”/ spite to refuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is no free choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a (character) and speak to people as if they were (lessor than).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the attitude of as long as I was making myself happy it didn’t matter.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the need to correct/fix myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been broke, needing to be fixed my entire life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that continuing on following my preprogramed designed path is my stubbornness as ego and that in order for me to irradiate this pattern I must use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and the Gift of this 7 Year Journey To Life Process to rebirth myself as life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself not wanting to do things differently, take a new approach to things or trying something new for the first time, I stop and breathe. I realize that following my preprogramed designed path is my stubbornness as ego and in order for me to irradiate this pattern I must use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and the Gift if this 7 Year Journey To Life Process to rebirth myself as life. In this, I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, assist and support myself to stopping my stubbornness as ego and rebirth myself as life.

I commit myself to no longer think/perceive/believe that I have it all under control but realize that with breath in every moment I am taking back control.

I commit myself to through breath in every moment take back control from my mind.

I commit myself to in the non-literal sense of the phrase “You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make them drink, no longer believe that I have free choice/ spite using it to refuse.

I commit myself to when and as I present myself as a (character) and speaking to others as if they are (lessor than), I stop and breathe. I realize that in my separation of myself from myself I am creating friction/conflict, and thus consuming oneself.

I commit myself to no longer create friction/conflict with myself but instead get to know myself through self-introspection and self-intimacy.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 Mar 2014, 10:57

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... ggishness/

Day 8: Facing My Sluggishness

Whenever I am waking up and look ahead to the things I have to do throughout my day I start feeling sluggish. It’s like I dread doing things like getting right up when I awake and doing my chores. Although I get up and do my chores, while I’m doing them my mind go into overdrive and start overthinking about the next thing that I have to do then I become frustrated, instead of focusing on what I’m doing in the moment. What I realized is that the sluggishness is my resistance to change. That being said here I apply my self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I look ahead to the things I have to do throughout my day start to feel sluggish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread waking up and doing my chores, and while I’m doing my chores accept and allow my mind go into overdrive and start overthinking then become frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to go into overdrive and react energetically with an emotion of frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated, instead of focusing on what I’m doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my sluggishness is my resistance to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change my entire life but just remain the same because that is the way it has always been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change thinking that if I change I wouldn’t have fun anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into believing that change is to hard therefore I became sluggish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed as the patterns that I have been playing out my entire life, believing that these patterns is who I am.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself starting to feel sluggish whenever I awake and when I look ahead to the things I have to do throughout my day, I stop and breathe. I realize that my sluggishness is me resisting change and that is why my mind goes into overdrive and start overthinking, which causes me to become frustrated. Therefore;

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my mind to go into overdrive and start overthinking as the trigger that makes me react energetically with an emotion of frustration.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to breathe in every moment allowing myself stay focus on what I am doing in the moment and interacting with the people/beings in my environment in the moment.



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Anna
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 09 Mar 2014, 11:23

What I realized is that the sluggishness is my resistance to change.
Very cool Carlton!

Thanks for sharing.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 11 Mar 2014, 00:33

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... shadowing/

Day 9: Over Shadowing

I have taken notice to a pattern that is commonly used on a daily. I’ve noticed that I am quit the critic when it comes to others making mistakes. Not necessarily in public or in front of others and most of the time not even to the person I am criticizing. This is where self-honesty comes into play. It happens when I’m all alone and I have made the same or similar mistake but without anyone knowing. What I do is, firstly, start comparing, over shadowing what I have done just to “clear myself” to myself, using this over shadowing as some kind of justified cover up for the mistakes I have made .

When I realized that I was doing this, I said to myself, “What makes what you have done any different than the person you’re criticizing”? I didn’t have an answer. Within this realization I could clearly see how I have automated myself to overshadow my mistakes by shifting the light off of myself onto someone else, while keeping in mind that this is all done while I am by myself. So here I apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be quit the critic when it comes to mistakes others have made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself make the same or similar mistake and over shadowing my mistake by criticizing others without seeing/realizing/understanding that I have automated myself to over shadow what others do by shifting the light off of myself onto them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by me shifting the light off of me onto others, I am trying to hide from facing myself for the mistake that I have made.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself and face myself for my mistakes. And therefore I have never given myself a chance to get passed this point.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being quit the critic when it comes to others making mistakes, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am trying to hide from facing myself for the mistakes that I have made by shifting the light off of me onto others. And so,

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to over shadow the mistakes that I make by criticizing others when they make mistakes. But instead, stand and face myself and take responsibility for my mistakes, in the moment without harboring it within and as me.

I commit myself to investigating what I have become within these automated patterns through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and assist and support myself to stand and face myself within every moment of breathe.

I commit myself to stopping these automated patterns in real time, as I realize and see the patterns as they come up within and as me by checking myself when and as I see myself making a mistake.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 13 Mar 2014, 00:38

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... questions/

Day 10: Hidden Agenda When Asking Questions

I ask questions with a hidden agenda behind it. It’s what I call beating around the bush. Instead of asking questions directly, I “test the waters” per say, meaning that I “see” what type of mood that person is in before asking the questions. Depending on the mood that the person is in is how I de-ter-mind how or if I will proceed. Then, when it’s all said and done I ask myself, “Why didn’t I ask them directly?” I didn’t see myself as not having a voice or understanding that I was being timid. This is how I have interacted with people my entire life and whether or not I got to the direct question I saw as normal and I just blew if off as “Oh well” that’s that.

That being said, I realized that I have accepted and allowed myself to design this pattern within and as me of not being able to communicate effectively and not knowing why. So here I apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask questions with a hidden agenda behind it, instead of asking questions directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask questions directly, if I de-ter-mind if that person is in a good mood or not, because I wanted to stay in that person’s “good grace”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that the questions I ask will be taken as negative and will end all bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask questions directly because I assume that it will end all bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask questions directly then after, question myself to why didn’t I ask directly.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in not being able to ask questions directly, I am making a statement as to me not having a voice and being timid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just blow off my designed pattern of in-effective communication as normal by saying “Oh well, that’s that”.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself asking questions with a hidden agenda behind it, instead of asking questions directly, I stop and breathe. I realize that asking questions with a hidden agenda behind it is me being timid and not being able to speak up.

I commit myself to asking questions directly and to not have to de-ter-mind, (detour in my mind) if that person is in a good mood or not.

I commit myself to when and as I think/perceive/believe that the questions I ask will be taken as negative and will end all bad, I stop and take a breath to bring myself back here to physical reality and assist and support myself to ask the questions directly.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself “beating around the bush” per say, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that by beating around the bush, not being able to ask questions directly, I am making a statement as to me not having a voice and being timid.

I commit myself to no longer make the statement as to me not having a voice and being timid, but instead ask questions directly without beating around the bush.



Marlen
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Marlen » 13 Mar 2014, 20:32

Cool support, Carlton. When we already take into consideration and pay attention to another's 'mood' it is already our doom, meaning we're already giving value to it, we then manipulate ourselves according to such mood in order to express ourselves, which in turn not only keeps you bound to the fear of how others will react, but we also become a confirmation of such person's mood and as such, we don't support them either by adapting the who we are based on the experience they have inside.

So, I agree it's about not manipulating one's expression based on another's mood and practice such clear-head before speaking so as to not have any pre-considerations in mind before speaking to another, but simply speak in the physical moment, obviously within the consideration of you establishing that self-stability as well. This way we embody what we would like others to also consider as a way of expression, and break the cycles of conditioning each other's expression, which is how we cage each other in roles, personalities, moods etc.

Thanks for sharing.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 15 Mar 2014, 07:53

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... -kindness/

Day 11: My Self-Interest Kindness

I grew up hearing that kindness was something that came from the heart, but self-honestly as I look back there was always self-interest involved. Meaning that, I was expecting something or another in return. It didn’t have to be in the literal sense of getting something. It could be as small as someone saying that, “that was kind of you”. Then I would use that to feel better about myself for doing it, but if I didn’t receive it, that’s when I would take back, in my mind the Kindness and turn it into a slogan wish that karma will get them. I didn’t know that in order to be able to express kindness, I must first be kind to myself and get to know myself and become self-intimate. Self-Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define kindness in separation of and as me, as; doing for others expecting something or another in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define kindness separate from me as someone saying that, “that was kind of you”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that expecting something or another in return is not kindness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon not receiving appreciation, take back the kindness in my mind and turn it into a slogan wishing that karma will get them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe, that I need to be appreciated in order to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and positive energetic reaction of feeling better about myself when I receive appreciation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wishing that karma will get those who don’t appreciate “what I’ve done for them”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for me to be able to express kindness, I must first be kind to myself by getting to know myself and becoming self-intimate.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to express kindness by first getting to know myself and becoming self-intimate.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself and be intimate with myself to be able to express kindness.


I commit myself to when and as I see myself defining kindness in separation of and as me, as; doing for others and expecting something or another in return, I stop and breathe. I realize that expecting something or another is not kindness.

I commit myself to no longer expect something or another in return when I have done and Act of Random Kindness but instead realize that I am helping myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting energetically, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I am reacting it is out of self-interest.

I commit myself to no longer react out of self-interest thinking that it’s kindness, but instead become the kindness.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 18 Mar 2014, 02:38

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... e-minimal/

Day 12: The Minimal

If there are two ways to do a job, both having the same outcome, you could either do all you could to get it done which will result in a shorter time frame or doing the Minimal which will result in a longer time frame. Which do I choose?

(Choosing both with self-interest) I have been one who would do the Minimal using the excuse of just “take my time” expecting results as if I was doing all that I could, knowing that I could be doing more. And on the other hand, I would choose to do all that I could only in the context of receiving an achievement, reward or praise from others.

I realize that me doing the Minimal is me leaving the door open and just getting by. And doing all that I can is me not doing it for myself but for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the Minimal and excusing it as just “taking my time” out of self-interest expecting results as if I was doing all that I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do all that I could in the context of receiving an achievement, reward or praise from others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by doing the minimal I am leaving the door open and just getting by.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by basing all that I could in the context of receiving an achievement, reward or praise from others I am giving my power away, not taking responsibility for myself.


I commit myself to when and as I see myself doing the minimal and excusing it as, just “taking my time” expecting results as if I was doing all that I could, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to leave the door open and just getting by.

I commit myself to doing what is within my means of doing and not excusing it as just “taking my time”.

I commit myself to no longer leaving the door open and just getting by, but to do what is within my means of doing.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself only doing all that I could in the context of receiving an achievement, reward or praise from others, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am giving my power away, not taking responsibility for myself and that I should and must bring my “doing all that I could” back to self.

I commit myself to doing all that I could within my means of doing and bringing my “doing all that I could” back to self.

I commit myself to no longer giving my power away to others. I see/realize/understand that I am the “I” in doing all I could.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 20 Mar 2014, 01:33

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... ird-party/

Day 13: Third Party

When receiving information from someone about a Third party that pertains to me and how the Third party is, it is easy to react to the information that I received because, after I leave the person who is telling me the information, it starts replaying itself over and over again in my mind posing question and coming up with answers, as well as justifying my assumption about the Third party which put me in a “catch 22” (In between a rock and a hard place) per say. If I inquire to the Third party about the information that I received, that would be self-interest based and creating friction/conflict. On the other hand using it as leverage against the third party is also self-interest based spiteful and creates friction/conflict as well as saying that I believe the information to be true. My initial reaction was anger, then, I realized that this is not a solution. How do I find a solution for something that has already happened? This is where trust comes in. I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of and as me, as; putting my trust in others thinking that they will not betray me. Within that what I have also realized is, by placing my trust in others I am saying that it’s ok to betray me, because how can I trust others if I don’t trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when I received information about a Third party pertaining to me and how the Third party is.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that anger is not a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replay the information over and over again in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind pose questions and come up with answers as well as justifying my assumptions about the Third party and believing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that the information I received about the Third party is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I am being put in a “catch 22”. (In between a rock and a hard place) per say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to inquire to the Third party about the information I received out of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the information I received to be used as leverage against the Third party.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of and as me, as; putting my trust in others thinking that they will not betray me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in defining trust separate from me, as; putting my trust in others thinking that they will not betray me, I am saying that it’s ok to betray me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting with anger when receiving information, I stop and breathe. I realize that reacting with anger is not a solution.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react with anger when receiving information, but instead know that it is only information feeding my mind consciousness system in order for me to remain enslaved to the patterns that I have created so that I won’t realize who I really am.

I commit myself to no longer allow my mind come up with questions and answers justifying my assumptions about the Third party, but instead breathe through the information as I am receiving it so that it doesn’t get stuck in my mind.

I commit myself to no longer place myself in the position of thinking/perceiving/believing that I am being put in a “catch 22” (In between a rock and a hard place) per say, but instead understand that I am believing the information to be true because it suits my self-interest which makes me react energetically feeding my mind consciousness system in order for me to remain enslaved.

I commit myself to no longer believe in information that I receive to be true.

I commit myself to stopping my mind from wanting to inquire about and hold on to the information that I received to be used as leverage against the Third party, out of self-interest and spite.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself defining trust in separation of and as me, as; putting my trust in others thinking that they will not betray me, I stop and breathe. I realize that by defining trust separate from me, as; putting my trust in other thinking that they will not betray me, I am saying that it’s ok to betray me.

I commit myself to changing my definition of trust to that which is best for all life.




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