https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... day-604-d/
Day 604: “D”
“D” as an exclamation point of past tense, to end out words, stating, this has been “Done” before, enacted upon already, as a closure of sorts, but can also be looked at as things that I can take responsibility for, with words ending with the letter (D), and Because I “De”-man-d to know the truth about me, I’ll start with first hearing the word “Don’t” and what that word made me “Do” as the envisioning of me “Doing” through my imagination what I was told, but never shown why not to “Do what it was that I wanted to “Do” and “Did”, being that from an early age, I felt as if I “Didn’t” belong, so I ‘Dared” to be “Different”, in separation, from seeing/knowing and realizing I once was and still connect to all in which I “Don’t” see and see myself “Different” to/as, as the ultimate “Definition” of separating me from myself, through these few basic words that start with the Letter “D”.
“D” as in ‘Demonic’, ‘Devilish’, ‘Deceitful’, ‘Discuss’ me in away when facing these ‘Dimensions of myself, that I’ve “Decided to bury “Down” Deep” within me, unware that the Deeper’ I bury, the more they would come out and “Disrupt” my “Day to Day” living, by becoming a living, walking, breathing point of Self-Destruction, believing that it was important to not let my Character be “Defamed”, as if fame through Characterization was the ultimate way to live life, but ‘Didn’t” see the evil within live, and so “De-mon-eyes-ed” myself to being lessor than a man, by the look I perpetuated. These words I used as points of Blaming Others/Things/Beings outside of myself for what I would experience and how I turned out.
They say that no good “Deed” goes un-noticed, and for me, this was such a Positive connotation of the word, but when really looking at it, I say who is it that’s taking note outside of ourselves, “Determining” if what we “Do” is good or bad, in which case I “Decided” to relinquish my self-control to that entity no one has ever seen, and that being said, I have “Defined” “Deed” as that in which I “Do” to receive or obtain something, i.e. a place in heaven, and have thought that these “Deed” were payments of sort, to seek favor when crossing the great “Divide”, but boy was I lied to.
Growing up I was told that if I “Didn’t” follow the word of God I would be “Dammed” and in hindsight “Dammed” if you “Do” and “Dammed” if you “Don’t” and because I “Didn’t read the “Dammed” Material, I felt as if my life was headed for imminent “Destruction”, so I blame it all on the “Devil” made me “Do“ it, as a “Devious” way of abdicating my responsibility, and this to me I have “Defined as a Negative way of look at life and the words I used to “Describe“ it, through following the “Dots” that never connected anywhere.
Sounding of the Words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that being done with something was all there was to it, instead of realizing that, being Done is only one aspect of needing to do more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have chosen to Demand things, out of self-interest, that would diminish me as a man in separation from others, seeing things as them and me, instead of Manning up, to discover the me as who I am as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take heed to the Don’t, as was told to me growing up, where I then took this as a sign, in spite of the person saying Don’t, I would Do, instead of investigating for myself the consequence behind it to really see what not to do.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to only Do unto other as I would like to be Done unto myself, in which case when the Dew from the rain falls, there would be no reason for me to cover up, because I’ve treated all as Equal, instead of ending up as a Joe Doe that nobody likes and knows.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Defined Doing as, in the process off, while taking as long as I thought I needed, always ending in procrastination, instead of in the moment of to completion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Did in a sense of cockiness, stating that I Did that/I Did it, not realizing all the why’ll, I was creating my Demon id, to obtain status, instead of using honesty as a policy in what I did, and to take responsibility for it, good or bad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and use as a cover up the words, I Didn’t, when lying face down in the midst of a problem, because of whatever consequence awaits and or the thought of personal Judgement being inflict onto me, which in fact is self-induced, instead of being the unspoken expression of the word, where my actions through walking as a living example would show otherwise, making it obvious
that I Did Not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be antagonistic in following suit and or pushing myself to go outside myself and do something, I wouldn’t normally do, as a Dare, while the truth of the matter in me standing out, was wanting to be accepted, instead of being the first in my world to take responsibility for myself as all as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the looking glass of blindness perceive myself as other than what I was seeing as all, Different, therefore separating myself from that in which I am as everything around me, instead of soaking up all that I haven’t seen and/or heard, investigating it and taking responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ignition to everything is a words Definition, a person’s action or premonition, of who one is in every moment in one’s life, that when redefined, I walk/live/breathe the actions behind the words I speak as a commitment to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to describe and believe through this word (Demonic) the nature of an entity outside of myself, that I didn’t see/realize was within me all along, blaming my self-inflicted sickness on, that in which I created in my mind in separation from me, instead of seeing and correcting my inherent human nature as a mind possession.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a label on a Human action, perpetuated by most everyone in existence and called it Devilish, instead of realizing that I don’t have to partake in such conniving ways as my ancestors Did, that is now coming out of me, but instead to dive into investigating supportive ways to live my life. to that with is best for all. I’m not a Villain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to describe and define a specifically placed conglomerate of words as Deep, thinking that this Deepness would be the saving grace of my life, not realizing that anything deep is of the mind, based in knowledge and information, instead of keeping it practical, in the sense of a Hole, dug taller than one’s own physical body.
[Self-Explanatory} A cycled hour span of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once take into consideration the word Self, connected to Destruction, but have always, picture a Demolition site, whenever this word would come up, so when and as it does again - to check within myself to see what is misaligned within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look upon everything outside of myself in Judgement of it, Demonized. stating that this may have some adverse effect on you, instead of looking into my own eyes to see how I have been judging myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Deeds as that in which I do to obtain something, i.e. make a place in heaven, but instead I now commit myself to living and taking responsibility for the actions I perpetuate good or bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself pin-point place times in my life as Dots to go back and re-live, bring up as memories and try and connect them to no avail, hoping for some sign of the future of what’s to come in my life, instead of realizing to Stop, searching out there and look within.
The thought of being “Done” with everything, is when one is headed “Down” the road of giving up, without “Demanding” that I “Don’t” listen to the thoughts in my mind, but “Do” listen to myself saying you’ve “Did” it, you’ve been “Down” this road before, so keep “Doing” what you’re “Doing” without “Daring” to take the next step on a “Different” path that would lead me to self-awareness, instead of being sick with a stench of “Devilish” behavior on you, where the “Deeper” you go into my mind on a “Day” to “Day” bases, you’re headed for Self-“Destruction”, “Demonizing yourself with the characters you perpetuate and no matter how many good “Deeds” you “Do”, you’ll be forever trying to connect the “Dots” so STOP. As the commitments of ‘instead of’s’, I hereby redefine these words beginning with the letter “D”, as I am still in the process of Actively “Doing”.
Thanks for reading