Anthony Field's Journey to Life

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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 17 Jun 2017, 12:16

Day 696 - More about the tv


After writing about my habit in turning on the tv for a lot of my life to feel comfortable, to feel at ease, when in reality I was not even concentrating on what was on tv, more like a background sound - I realised further that I have used it, again, as I use the word ‘comfort’ - that comfort as how I used this word was for aiding in my feeling of loneliness.

For example, I mean, basically any tv channel will have humans speaking in some form, so for me that aided in my feeling of loneliness. It aided in my shyness. It made me feel comfortable, like I was with others - I could hide my loneliness through the voices of humans, to find a voice, even though it was still not my own voice, but it worked to an extent for myself.

I see also this worked for the silent state. Because if there is no sound, then only silence exists - and yes that exacerbated my feeling of loneliness and being alone. So here I see I can work with silence effectively and change my relationship to silence. So that I do not require any type of sound to feel at ease/comfortable in any way, shape or form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a tv/the sounds of humans speaking/sound generally to feel at ease/comfortable and to make me feel like I belong and to make me feel that I am not lonely and that I have no issue with interactions with others as per my shyness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is anything wrong with SILENCE, not a single sound, not a whimper - here I see, realise and understand that in these moments I’m actually more in touch with myself whereas my focus is 100% upon my physical state and I can express/enjoy a lot more in this state, so here is but one example of where I can work effectively with silence to embrace, express, enjoy and BE here.

I see, realise and understand that any loneliness feeling/sensation is purely but a pattern within myself as I do not in fact require to be with others or to interact with others to feel a sense of belonging - here I see, as I said, that this loneliness is but a pattern and a program that I’ve created within myself as an extension of my shyness and also a comparison with others who seemed to effortlessly interact with others and such.

I commit myself to always bring the focus back unto myself because if I am here, stable and clear, then the rest is simple. I will not have issue with interactions, I will not require interactions as a belief, I will not have issues with shyness and communications etc.

I see, realise and understand that I only require me to reach my utmost potential.

I commit myself to utilise myself as best to reach my utmost potential as the qualities that I know I can be and am currently working towards.



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 23 Jun 2017, 11:25

http://anthonyfieldjourneytolife.blogsp ... -isnt.html

Day 697 - When help and assistance isn’t a priority


In my previous working role, I didn’t have as many limitations as I do in my current working role. In fact, I didn’t have any limitations really in my previous role. This role has quite a lot of limitations. The roles have a lot of similarities which is why I bring them both up.

What it basically is..is that I use quite a few of the same systems as I did in my previous role. So I can see the same information, BUT, because of this particular role and what it entails, despite seeing this information that I know will assist another, I am refrained from saying it and so have to advise another to look elsewhere basically. I found this difficult at first. Because I mean, I want to help everyone the best I can and give the best answers etc. I’m beginning now to see that well yes, basically despite that information being available, it’s just the way that system works, so it shows everything no matter what.

In the broader picture of this though, it just goes to show how limiting and limited we are with ourselves and others. If this was a best for all system and that we had with each and every one, then we’d always take each opportunity to best assist ourselves and others at ALL times, but this system and things like job titles and groups and areas etc limit are potential to assist and support everyone to the best of our ability.

For me, of course I’ll do what is as the limitation, because that is what I’m required to do to efficiently do my job as per my title/the title of the role - I won’t compromise myself for the betterment of others - best for ALL includes myself. So this is ‘even’ as I can be as per the system. And until this system changes, limitation and the sacrifice of assistance and support will CONTINUE.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 24 Jun 2017, 05:41

http://anthonyfieldjourneytolife.blogsp ... reply.html

Day 698 - No reply



I get angry, disappointed at another when I receive no reply. Why did they not reply, what did I say wrong, what did I do wrong, what’s wrong with me, so interesting how immediately I go into self-judgment and self-questioning as if it is something I did that is the issue, this is the workings of the mind where I simply see myself as being the issue and not considering that another, for whatever reason, I mean, evidently, has not replied to me and so well, you know, I can’t even begin to conclude as to why no reply was received. There are many factors. So here I require, firstly to stop this self-questioning and self-judgment and also to be understanding of another and leave it at that. I don’t know the reason for another not replying and that is it. I can’t also turn that into self-questioning/self-judgment, because that is weak, that is not looking for answers, that is just giving into a pattern within my mind of judging me.

I commit myself not to judge me or question me when I get no reply or no word from another about something.

I commit myself not to attack, blame another when I get no reply/word about something.

I commit myself to just leave it. I commit myself to see what has happened with the no reply or word and just stop, because it’s not in my hands anymore, it’s in another’s hands, and so I leave it alone, it is purely upon another as for the reasoning and so it’s never anything I’ve done even though my mind as me tells me otherwise which I participate within and as.

I commit myself not to partake in this desire as a program/pattern within my mind to ‘do the same’ to enact a revenge/same way of being treated as I see blindly through a pattern within my mind as if the lack of reply/word is another’s means of hurting me, judging me and wanting to return that same emotional pain ‘so they know it feels’.

I commit myself to always stand and stick to my principles as life as what is best for all, so that is to never go into this desire to blame, seek revenge or anything, which isn’t necessary in the first place, as it never matters why/what another does also, I am always in control of me and what I do and what it is I do and say must REMAIN HERE, despite how every single one around me may do or say or not say or do, that is to be then unbreakable and unshakeable as what is best for all.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 25 Jun 2017, 02:49

http://anthonyfieldjourneytolife.blogsp ... th-me.html

Day 699 - What is wrong with me?


I’m continuing from my last blog in a way in where I didn’t get a reply/nobody said anything to me and I’d immediately go into questioning myself and blaming myself for this as if I was the issue or I did something wrong or I said something wrong, basically just pointing fingers at myself and then going into self-judgment and depression, sadness, anger. Now I’m writing about it generally as per when another does something or doesn’t and it impacts ourselves in some way, shape or form, then the desire, still as I said, in blaming ourselves and believing we’re the issue/reason why another did/did not do something and how it affects us in some way, shape or form.

Why does it have to impact/affect us at all though? When we leave something in another’s hands, even to the smallest extent, then we can’t rely on it. Not speaking of having no trust in another or anything, but when we as ourselves aren’t in direct control, then we should be expecting this or that to happen and so things to suit or not suit us. That’s just how it is. I do my bit or my part, and that is it - I’ve reached my goal, my conclusion, I’m satisfied with this - anything that does/does not come afterwards in relation to others is THEIR decision.

And I must accept that it’s their decision. It’s their decision, and so it’s out of my hands, and so well yeah, lol it’s not in my hands and so how can I possibly blame myself or point fingers at me or go into any form of self-judgment and emotions/feelings that follow?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m responsible for every single decision that another makes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that EACH make their OWN decisions and that is FINAL.

I see, realise and understand that if I genuinely say or do something that will affect one in a certain way that is NOT best for all, then I’ll know about it through stopping, breathing, realising - but in these instances where I just desire to go straight into self-questioning, self judgment, emotions, feelings - I am just looking for answers within myself, failing to understand that through simply stopping and breathing, I am able to see if what I did as my decision was NOT what was best for all.

I commit myself to accept and understand one’s decision, not necessarily understanding it totally, but understanding and accepting that this is their current decision for whatever reason, and so what they then do is out of my hands/control, though being satisfied within myself that my previous decision or decision in relation was what best best for all, and that is all that is required on my part/for myself, and another too.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 03 Jul 2017, 11:38

https://steemit.com/desteni/@anthonyfie ... nsequences

Fearing change and potential past consequences
5 days ago
anthonyfield 34 in desteni
board-978179_1920.jpg

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn awareness into a fear of not doing things appropriately the first time/before.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I’ve allowed fear to ravish, influence and control me, in which I partake in and am then immune to being aware of what is required, what must be done, the way forward, again, because I fear that I’ve not done things the best way possible previously.



I see, realise and understand that doing things in the best way possible as what is best for all is not rocket science, it doesn’t require thinking, dilemma, delay, obsessing, mathematics, anything like that, it just requires the moment with myself, my breathing to realise I’m here with my physical body, and the awareness follows, because that is what is here, all I am is me, I can then see clearly without lying to myself in thought.



When and as I see myself being aware of something I can improve/do better/best, yet allowing fear to prevent me from changing because I fear what I’ve done before has not been right/as good/best, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that this journey is ever-changing, and I am ever-improving, and with improvement comes acceptance of how it is I can improve. With acceptance comes realisations that I have been lying to myself, that my starting point to doing something was not what was best for all - but not always, it can even be a simple matter of improvement that I had not realised because I learnt new things, new techniques, and so to incorporate these new techniques and such, I accept the past and past me, and allow myself to gain, grow, learn and improve - that is how I level up myself.



I commit myself not to stay stagnant, mundane, the same, repetitive. I commit myself to explore new ways, new techniques. I commit myself to discover new ways. I commit myself to through acceptance of how I can improve, be unconditionally open to new ways of improvement, because that is change. Change doesn’t just happen, it requires acceptance, understanding, willingness, even risks.



I commit myself to turn a fear into an opportunity.



I commit myself not to fear my past me/decisions I’ve made, and despite me making these decisions and doing what it is I’ve done, I commit myself not to fear changing things I can still change in relation to the past decisions I’ve made which I see I can change and alter the outflows whilst of course changing myself and so current and future decisions within and as improvement.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 03 Jul 2017, 11:38

Peace of mind
5 minutes ago
anthonyfield 34 in life
injury-903380_1920.jpg

Peace of mind is a bandage solution with what I’m dealing with. I can gain peace of mind easily, but peace of mind is a reply to my fear. So I fear something, then to give myself peace of mind, I’ll do something so I can put that fear to rest, which I’ve done before, in giving myself peace of mind, but it occurs again and again. Fear + acting on fear = peace of mind. Like, the comfort zone. Just ‘knowing’ that all is well. I’ve had huge trouble not going for peace of mind. Even now, it’s soooo tempting to have peace of mind and respond to my fear for peace of mind, but the more I respond to my fear, the more difficult it will become in actual fact, where I will just continue responding to the fear for peace of mind, instead of STOPPING and BREATHING when the fear comes up, along with my self-forgiveness etc, to see that the fear is not valid, it’s a belief, thus to act upon it for peace of mind is to act upon the fear in which I stay compromised. Compromising my physical body for fear to take hold of me.



I commit myself to fight the temptation to respond to a fear, by seeing myself that this is a huge step in regaining direction of my physical self and directing myself physically as opposed to via fears of my mind.



I commit myself not to use justifications and excuses to respond to the fear, even in the SLIGHTEST, I see, realise and understand that there is either a response to the fear in which I act upon and manifest, OR there is a stopping within myself where I do not act upon the fear or respond to it and manifest it, I just stop and continue on with my daily life.



I see, realise and understand that peace of mind is a bandage solution, something but temporary which ‘will’ aid me in that moment, but NOT in the overall picture, the huge picture of the fear itself - to overcome the fear itself or any fear is to breathe through the moments coupled with my writing to get to ultimate form of resolve and solution that is EVERLASTING, that is a permanent cure for myself as the fear.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 05 Jul 2017, 12:23

https://steemit.com/life/@anthonyfield/ ... orgiveness

Excitement energy self-forgiveness
23 seconds ago
anthonyfield 34 in life
domino-163523_1280.jpg

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected by excitement energy as a positive experience and future projection which I look forward to and thus am purely focused on that and not in my life moments at all times in which therefore I cannot focus as needed and do my job as needed as being completely here within a moment for my movement to be totally directed as necessary for that moment here.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my situation here in a moment again, through my focus purely upon this future projection in which I was only working towards this future projection and ignoring the moment here that needed to be directed as per the moment itself if I were to be focused upon that moment and thus the direction needed in that moment, but instead I was guided and directed by excitement energy in which I see, realise and understand now that had I stopped and considered my options, I could have saved for a later time/day to look more into, as opposed to getting excited by the future projection and immediately switching my focus to that and disregarding my present needs for that future projection in some way, shape or form.



When and as I see myself hearing some news or something that I look forward to, which IS fine, as long as I do not participate within this excitement energy as a positive which directs me and makes me lose focus on who I am, what I am, what is needed in each and every moment, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that to look forward to something is to be aware of that future moment, or to work towards it, but not to allow it to direct me and change me and what I do, otherwise I’m being influenced and not moving effectively, steadily, as a form of stability - because as I saw within myself, I was rushing as being directed by this excited energy, rushing, not focusing, being careless, not working to the best of my ability, and being slack/lazy.



I commit myself to understand that each and every moment is what is here and what COUNTS - that must be my focus, no matter what may or may not be happening at any stage, anywhere.



I commit myself next time to stop, to breathe, to consider my options in relation to the future projection and what I can possibly do, how I can work towards this future projection WITHOUT missing myself in a moment, so that I can do what I need to do in every moment, but within my considerations, I can give myself the necessary time to put my all into that moment so that I can then work the best towards that future projection, so either way I see, realise and understand that if I’m putting in 100% of me towards something, then that thing will work out the best in every way, shape and form, as opposed to this stopping and stalling and this or that on mind and directing me and pushing me and pulling me this way and that way where I just can’t FOCUS with my all 100% drive and need to do what I must do and want to do.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 08 Jul 2017, 03:12

Identifying the beneficial qualities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an aversion to humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame humans for how I feel towards humans and how I see/think about humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a human is a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that humans are the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generally see humans as negative, evil, harmful, abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate on humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whilst hating humans, not count myself in the human category, when in fact I am human myself and so the same as all humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all humans are bad and that there is nothing else to take from a human, other than harm and abuse.

I see, realise and understand that each human has qualities that work and others that do not.

I see, realise and understand that I must accept, understand and take what exists now as the qualities that benefit, whilst also taking into consideration and noting the qualities that do not benefit, because either way I learn and adjust.

I commit myself to accept myself as all I am currently and so as to best assess myself for what I can change, improve, stop, but not only THOSE qualities or things that require change, but also, and what I see I’ve failed to do, to look at the qualities that benefit, which are many within myself and within others - it’s not all dark, evil, gloomy etc, I see beneficial qualities in each.

I commit myself to stop identifying the most with the abusive qualities, the harmful qualities, the qualities that require improvement and change, and instead be able to see within myself the beneficial qualities that I have and have gained in my life, because those are equally as vital and important as the qualities that require change - they are both me and a part of me.

I commit myself to identify with my beneficial qualities and so that I can make the best use of them, I commit myself to do this by stopping, breathing, seeing what cool things I do in my life, in how I interact with others, what I do generally, my actions, and see how those are cool things in moments, that may happen so fast, but the fact is they exist, and so they count, and so I must be aware of these and continue using them, also, to see who I am, where I am, how I am, and so not just constantly see a need for change and improvement and IGNORE these moments where I am already doing cool things as what is best for ALL.

http://desteni.org/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 09 Jul 2017, 11:16

https://steemit.com/okja/@anthonyfield/ ... r-audience

Okja - Bringing our system to a wider audience

Okja is a movie that was released on Netflix. I did see that it was a new addition a few weeks back and was interested by the blurb which stated that it was about animal activism and corporate greed. Though I at the time held off on watching it, because I was awaiting for some reviews to appear, as at that stage no reviews existed. I was just interested in the feedback it would get. Anyway, I saw reviews yesterday and saw the first half yesterday and second half today - overall, I really enjoyed it and was glad of the message it sent to us to be aware of.

Generally, I’m just really glad and pleasantly surprised that more and more, these issues in our system and society are coming to light in some way, shape or form, and especially through a media like movies or tv which can reach a wide audience through streaming services like Netflix - I find it fantastic! Because it is fantastic lol. I’ve seen plenty of documentaries too, on Netflix and elsewhere about system issues etc, but it’s also nice to have it within a movie and as the essence of a movie.

Anyway, I definitely highly recommend Okja. Animal abuse is evident, corporate greed too, genetic modifications on life, animal activism, life activism, profit…very cool stuff. And this movie is quite direct about these topics, which I hadn’t seen too much before in other media. In other media I had moreso seen subtleties of these issues, which is still cool without a doubt, but it was nice to see it quite clearly in Okja.

I mean, whatever it takes, really..for us to see, to realise, to understand, it’s all good. We gotta realise the shit we’re in now as opposed to after it’s too late, obviously.

And that is where Desteni comes into play, for me. Never have I encountered such a group and group of people, as well as tools, as well as information, understanding, awareness that exists within this group that explores and promotes self-change for the betterment of mankind, and that actually WORKS. I still am surprised myself by what simply WRITING can do, in how I explore points within me and see why I struggle, why I exist as I do, why I fear, worry and so forth. I found the key to change, though, it’s not as easy as putting it in the lock and twisting the key to change for the better. The Desteni key initiates the self-change, but then WE must put in the hard work, the effort, to be able to see our self-change and self-improvement.

Unfortunately there is no easy or fast way to change and improve ourselves - much too many patterns within us to have it be such an easy and straightforward path to a successful change.

ANYWAY, we do have to be the change we want to see in the world and within others. We can’t WAIT for others to change. We can’t wait for anything. We only have this life to make a difference. Is it not cool to make a difference via ourselves and then of others through our living example of said change? Is it not cool to be able to give future generations an opportunity of a life, one that is hopefully much different to ours here, one that is much easier, happier, more joyful, and not a BURDEN to get through? Surely to at least TRY is vital. I am trying, because I want to see something positive in the world and in people, and I see that as long as we are alive, we can change and make a difference. We’re here, we’re capable, then thus there is no excuse not to do anything about it, that is how I see it.

http://desteni.org/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 10 Jul 2017, 12:08

https://steemit.com/communicate/@anthon ... nteraction

Interaction

I see myself not putting myself in situations for interaction. Why not though, why do I not step up to the plate and just initiate a conversation? Well, I am working lol, but there ARE times where I can say something, and I want to, but I don’t want to bloody ‘interrupt’ as I call it. Interrupt? What is this, code for friends or something? Who cares if me and another aren’t ‘friends’ simply because we don’t know eachother, bs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply SPEAK to another, seeing, realising and understand that all labels as this or that are bullshit because interaction and speaking but requires a VOICE, which I have with me always, thus I commit myself to use my voice for interaction and communication, simply.

http://desteni.org/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/




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