Anthony Field's Journey to Life

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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 27 Aug 2017, 10:11

https://steemit.com/guilt/@anthonyfield/guilt

Guilt

I’ve been facing some points concerning guilt lately. Feeling guilty for actions I’ve taken. Specifically guilty for the actions/decisions I have taken and how they may impact others. See, it’s only when it involves others in some way, shape or form, that this guilt feeling comes up within me.

It’s like, yes, I, and we all should, if possible..take actions/decisions and make actions/decisions that benefit all. That is important, that is Equality and Oneness, that is unconditional, BUT as things stand, it’s not always possible, in fact, a lot of times it is unfortunately not possible. That is when we must stand strong and see for example and in my own example, that it is best for me to do something that will benefit me, despite not benefiting another or others as much/at all, but, on the other hand, if I am to fool myself for example into doing something for another/others and then also believing this is actually good or alright for me, well, that is the exact same, so here one must draw a line because only I can choose what actions/decisions I take and make, nobody else will do that for me or in my interest, at least I can’t rely on another to make/take actions/decisions in my interest.

I must take matters into my own hands if the situation/moment requires that. This brings up something I had wrote out not too long ago in being ‘ruthless’ - ruthless in standing strong, ruthless in not accepting self-diminishment and also ruthless in not accepting less for myself and more for others in terms of believing I must do something purely and/or mostly for them whilst I am just a low or non-existent priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify feeling guilty and then attack myself and feel down/depressed/deflated as the belief that the action I’ve taken to assist myself has at the same time hurt or not assisted another/others and believing thus that this is a valid reason to hate on myself and regret the choice I made.

I see, realise and understand that as long as my starting point is one of what is best for all, Equality and Oneness, unconditional love and support for all and I have looked INTO decisions/moments as these qualities/principles and was NOT able to come to a decision that benefited all/however many equally/in some way, shape or form, then the next option is to do what benefits me and so within this not wait for another to do something that benefits me, because then I could be waiting forever and thus I must stand for myself and my choices and decisions in moments where I see that this is the ONLY way and that in this system/society, this can and usually IS the only way where it is impossible for all to benefit the same way/as much, but this is but a consequence of this system/society/what we have accepted and allowed to exist.

To be continued.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 28 Aug 2017, 08:16

https://steemit.com/guilt/@anthonyfield/guilt-2

Guilt 2

When and as I see myself desiring to feel guilty and within this, put myself down and feel sorry for others, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that IF this were to be a genuine occurrence/manifestation as per abuse, harm on purpose for example as per an emotion, feeling, thought, judgement of mine, then that is a completely different story and thus that would be a matter of self-honesty and self-honestly seeing that what I did in that moment was NOT what was best for all and thus a point that must be changed, but within recent points where I have faced this guilt feeling/sensation, I do see, realise and understand that none have been or existed to intentionally abuse, hurt or harm in any way, shape or form and I see that they were occasions and manifestations that were needed for myself to benefit above other parties.

I commit myself to if necessary, do what is needed to benefit me as per the only one that can/will do this for me/my benefit and continue and carry on with my life, simply.

I commit myself not to act as if I ‘should’ feel guilty within and as a hesitation of facing/communicating with certain people and/or generally seeing/treating them differently and in the end, NOT equally and as an equal relationship as I do with others.

I commit myself not to create this atmosphere/manifest this guilt through treating another differently in any way, shape or form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others differently from the starting point that I should act differently because I should feel and be guilty ‘for what I’ve done’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to participate within the ‘expected’ and/or standard/normal way as per an emotion/feeling to show remorse or something similar, and even to show another that I am ‘human’ as simply emotions and feelings.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 02 Sep 2017, 09:45

https://steemit.com/writing/@anthonyfie ... g-it-works

Writing..it works!

Is it not, no it is, fascinating that THIS here is my power tool, this is my starting point of change. The words, MY words. MY output. MY change is here, it starts here and so much can come from here. Different points require different change. For example, I’ve noticed with some points that after/within and as writing and speaking aloud my self-forgiveness, self-realisation and self-commitment statements, I genuinely FEEL the change. To me it is like a sail boat in the ocean, one minute you’re going in one direction, then suddenly the wind changes with no warning, and BANG, you’re off on a different tangent, a totally different tangent. The difference here is I KNOW and am AWARE that self-forgiveness and the other statements actually work as I’ve tested them countless times.

Of course that’s something that each has to see for themselves, so I speak for my own experience here. Anyway..
That is how it feels to me. So the ‘warning’ part is not so much, but it is still a sudden change, like an awakening, a finding out something key, a REALISATION, yes, that’s the word I’m looking for lol. And there are other points where, actually, generally I do feel a change of some sort, but the magnitude of the change differs. That can be because I need to work on it in a moment, in a certain situation/scenario to expand and make that change come through as needed, and then also I can expand at later times on the same point where I figure out more, perhaps through these physical in moment and scenario situations, or I just generally expand and the realisations come through within me.

It’s cool either way. So here I’ve seen how there’s no necessarily…like, one particular way to do something, because points are so multi-faceted and each are unique.

That brings up another point for me and realisation in itself in how one cannot go into writing and the statements that follow EXPECTING change. It has to be more like, writing to see where you are at, writing about the points, releasing the points to assist yourself, but just see it as a point of assistance and support with no strings attached and thus no expectations attached, because any expectation will lead to disappointment otherwise. I prefer myself to just write. Literally, just write. Assist and support myself through writing, through seeing what is a part of me and what realisations and changes I can POSSIBLY bring through, but won’t NECESSARILY bring through, I must see for myself and see what comes up/out and then what I can do to further change if necessary. As I said..each and every point is a unique one and the change that follows and is needed therefore will ALWAYS vary.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 04 Sep 2017, 11:09

https://steemit.com/embrace/@anthonyfie ... bracing-me

Accepting and embracing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the world and a society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sense of lostness when entering the world/society/being with others/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not belong in this society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am the odd one out, the one that is wrong, the one that is odd/weird.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a problem or issue with me as a human life form/life as any other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to accept myself entirely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only accept certain parts/areas/things that I do, failing to see, realise and understand that this is no where near enough and that I in fact must accept ALL of me, otherwise I can never fully BE here.

I commit myself to accept my apparent ‘quirks’ and ‘oddities’ - though within this and writing this, I see, realise and understand that any quirks/oddities that I believe I am to have are actually a SYMPTOM of an underlying issue, that issue being my self-judgments of myself and things I do/of me/as me which then manifest as ‘quirks’ and ‘oddities’ because I’m for example forcing them or not being natural and thus my output is not a simple extension of me.

I commit myself to remove these quirks/oddities from me through deep breathing because as I’ve seen and realised within myself, this is very effective in getting back on track so to speak and moving effectively and as one unit, as opposed to multiple parts of me that are directed by this or that as per a self-judgmental energy, emotional energy.

I commit myself to embrace my body and how I look and how it is and what it is.

I commit myself to accept myself as a work in progress.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 07 Sep 2017, 11:34

It’s not ALL bad

Despite the world, society, us…being in basically complete and utter disarray, what has pleasantly surprised me are the moments of kindness on display at times. Not at times, that sounds like it is rare lol, but actually I have been overwhelmed at times with how frequent these kindness moments can occur. Of course I don’t see each moment ha, but just my own experience and seeing/hearing, it’s nice. Like, how humans treat other humans in close vicinity, how they speak, the apologies, the offers and the genuine aspect of it all.

It has personally assisted me a lot in my process. As I said, at times, frequent time in fact, I have been verrryyyy disappointed, down…about the state of everything, or most things in this world. Now that I was no longer suppressing all this shit, well, suppressing REALITY, I didn’t know where to turn, so I just felt down about it all lol. I have written self-forgiveness on these points too which has assisted me tremendously, and then also seeing this kindness in people - it is a beautiful thing and a type of indication of the potential for all of us to become if we expand on that kindness completely and utterly a million times over!

What I’ve also realised is that it is BECAUSE of my self-forgiveness and application, that I am now AWARE and seeing these acts of kindness. Definitely, these acts of kindness have, are and will continue happening, but it’s just that I was so despondent about society/the world, that I was immune to seeing anything cool and kind in the world!

It is very amazing what new insights, realisations and awareness can bring to a person and thus any situation.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 17 Sep 2017, 11:46

https://steemit.com/speaking/@anthonyfield/agreeable

Agreeable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so agreeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree with others instead of saying what it is that I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree to the point of not even being HERE within and as the moment and thus the conversation at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be in control whatsoever or in total control and direction of myself as I want to be, through being so agreeable with others instead of adding substance by speaking what I want to say and how I see things.

I forgive myself thus that I have accepted and allowed myself to just prolong a conversation and moreso be a bystander, instead of getting into where I am sharing equally and in response with my own take and perspective and suggestion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to add something cool, different, or at least SOMETHING to a conversation/situation to make it more alive, make it expand more, make it something more than it is when I am just agreeable and just listening and speaking as wanting the conversation to end and/or to move onto a different topic. I commit myself to add to each and EVERY topic, because there are in fact none where I can’t speak and say something that I want to say, but just are not saying because I fear a conflict or being different or judging my own perspective or ideas or thoughts as this or that and so keep them locked away within me where none get to hear and also I don’t get to hear, but this I see, realise and understand is a stagnant point where I just stay comfortable and motionless instead of creating motion and ripples in others and myself and the world as a whole in whatever it is I am doing, anywhere.

I see, realise and understand that if a conversation is not going anywhere and is stopping and starting and not flowing, that tells me that I am not doing enough and I am also not ‘there’ in the moment and I’m instead fearing a conflict or judging my own thoughts, perspectives, ideas, instead of just speaking them in the moment as what is best for all, even if it MAY not go down too well, I see that the point is to actually open up and speak them, to put them OUT THERE in the world, in society, because otherwise they just stay hidden, silent, where I don’t even give any an opportunity to at LEAST LISTEN, HEAR, not taking into consideration what more could potentially happen too.

I commit myself to speak this, say that, do this, do that, where I am no longer judging my own ideas, thoughts, perspectives as too out there, too crazy, too weird, too this, too that, and instead am not judging them and instead EMBRACING them and embracing the differences, the changes, the support, the assistance, the potential.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 22 Sep 2017, 02:11

https://steemit.com/breathing/@anthonyf ... omes-first

Breathing always comes FIRST

I don’t know about you..but in my process, my Desteni process, and learning and utilising the importance and method of BREATHING, I’ve come to fail many many times. And I don’t just mean failing to breathe, which I have done too, but specifically I have delayed my breathing whilst I do or finish something else. This can be a multitude of things. For me for example, I mean, fears, worries, self-judgments etc, etc…can come up whilst doing anything. So for me, whilst brushing my teeth. Or. Before brushing my teeth.

So in this example I have either continued to brush my teeth despite this fear for example in my mind coming up and directing me. And in this example, it’s not necessarily a fear relating to brushing my teeth or anything, it can be something totally unrelated and in fact is most of the time I am doing this or that and something comes up that directs me. Anyway, the point is to STOP whatever I am doing. Brushing my teeth, 1 min into my teeth brushing routine? Fear comes up in relation to ANYTHING? STOP. Yes I have toothpaste in my mouth, on my teeth lol, can spit it out if necessary and then get to breathing.

That is what I mean. So if I have to spit out toothpaste if it will impact my breathing in that moment, then cool, do that, then breathe, then I can continue brushing my teeth after I breathe, bring myself back, get out of my mind, out of the fear, do some self-forgiveness, investigate the point then or later, or keep it in mind for later writing and investigation. I mean, not saying I must give myself 5, 10 mins to breathe, to self-forgive in that moment. Generally it’s just breathing that is needed I have found, but perhaps some self-forgiveness and then obviously can expand later.

Another example is listening to music. I do enjoy music. And I enjoy specific parts in songs a lot, like a guitar solo! So I have in the past whilst listening to music, again, a fear for example comes up, and again can be in relation to ANYTHING..so I do some breathing…BUT, I RUSH the breathing, because in 25 seconds, that guitar solo is going to begin! Lol, this doesn’t work. Fuck the guitar solo, fuck the music. This is vital shit, my breathing. The guitar solo won’t release me from the fear I have, only breathing will. The guitar solo is cool, I enjoy and admire the skill, the creativity, the sound, texture, but that is all…breathing happens and is within me and it is my tool in that moment to get out of a fear. And whatever, I want to hear that guitar solo again, rewind…or not, lol, whatever I want.

Anyway, all I am saying is their is nothing that can come before or has more IMPORTANCE in a moment than breathing. That is absolutely what I have found. Always brings me back, gets me out of that fear, out of my mind, out of anything that I am thinking that is controlling, directing me, making me not be one with my physical body. Anyway, if I am not HERE, one with my physical body, then I definitely won’t be enjoying the moment, so for example that guitar solo and/or doing a as good a job as I can do with brushing my teeth. All these thoughts, fears, judgments impact even if in minute ways.

KEEP BREATHING!!

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 30 Sep 2017, 10:56

https://steemit.com/programming/@anthon ... a-new-path

A NEW path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear POTENTIAL future consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea as fear within my mind and then allow myself to be so directed by that and under a control as illusion of that future fear idea, that I change EVERYTHING as my being in totality in that moment to AVOID or specifically potentially avoid that fear future idea from happening in the SLIGHTEST.

I see, realise and understand that I already know by now that the MIND makes HUGE deals, HUGE scenarios and HUGE THINGS over literally nothing, something that is nothing, in fact, that is the powerhold of the mind, to create SOMETHING from NOTHING and then to go on as that because it seems so valid and purposeful and real or going to be real in the future, though simply as an idea based on my own fears, judgments, worries, concerns, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that just about ALL of these fear future ideas that I have created within my mind, just about ALL of them have NO validation, no purpose, nothing of MERIT. And here I see, realise and understand that only a fraction, and this goes for future too, will ever be legitimate in terms of ACTUAL SOMETHING AS SUBSTANCE giving me the IDEA in that MOMENT that will allow me to choose what is best or at least most accurate in that moment as what is best for all, but it will never be based on fear or anything of the mind, it will be self-honesty, common sense.

Thus I commit myself to move without question, without concern. Here I see, realise and understand that the QUESTION ONLY comes up BECAUSE of the fear, the thoughts, the judgments, the emotions, the feelings, whereas I question myself, question who I am, what I am, what I can or can’t do, what decision I should make, where I can go into a frenzy, I then suffer physical consequences of headaches, of pains throughout my body because I’ve trapped and locked myself with chains, in a prison, my own self-created prison or trap, where I just keep giving attention through my acceptances and allowances of this SINGLE LITTLE thought that I make MASSIVE, that I make ALL ENCOMPASSING and that realistically, I allow to fuck myself over with.

I commit myself to QUIT fucking over my physical body with pain, with disease, with torment, with torture, with abuse, withOUT reason.

I commit myself to ‘gamble’ for lack of better word, but not as a gamble in the sense of making a inconclusive or non adjusted decision, but instead as a form and physical movement to break my programming that I am otherwise stuck as whereas I am simply doing based on worries, fears, concerns and so on, whereas thus I am taking gambles to sidestep what I’ve accepted and allowed so that I then become THAT, become a gambler or a risk taker, which is neither in fact, but is but a gamble/risk based on the life and thus moments/decisions I’ve made which has kept me on a programmed path and so to gamble/take a risk, otherwise be stuck in an endless loop of no potential whatsoever and that means no change, no growth, no ambition, no stability, no confidence, no ANYTHINGS.

I commit myself to MOVE ME without QUESTION.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 08 Oct 2017, 11:21

https://steemit.com/addiction/@anthonyf ... rug-addict

Energy drug addict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR despite NEVER drawing and seeing and realising..understanding an actual SOLUTION or CONCLUSION or PROCESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to QUESTION without giving myself the time to seek answers, seek processes, ask for assistance in seeking processes/answers and so on, and instead NOT taking the time to seek processes/answers and just immediately doubting/fearing within myself about something which is an obvious and clear as day product and program of the mind, that being a product/program as fear that does in no way, shape or form include even the interest of seeking a process/answer in any way, shape or form.

When and as I see myself participating within a fear, a fear, like all fears that are unjust, that are not BACKED by anything concrete, anything real, anything legitimate, again, as all fears - I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that I MUST stop in these moments, because if I am in reality to actually know of and have the answers and thus I have done investigation, seeked answers/processes, then what is there to fear? I can read it for myself, live it for myself, see it for myself - what else is there to exist as?

So here I also see, realise and understand that this fear energy has become something of a drug for me, where even though I dislike it..or at least I perceive I dislike it, I actually DO like it to an extent, and in fact I see that I actually like it more than I dislike it, because something that can alter and change me so much is..appealing in a way, something of an ‘outer body experience’ for lack of better description, despite not being that specifically, but as per all types of energy, it changes me, brings something out in me, like adrenaline, it is like a vehicle inside me, a motor..some type of quantum process that gives me a boost that is addictive - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love this energy, to run on this energy, to exist as this energy, to use this energy as fuel, instead of using my fuel as breathing, as resting, as drinking water, as eating food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a different type of feeling within me and inside me as per an energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be CONTENT, ACCEPTING, UNDERSTANDING, GRATIFIED, DIGNIFIED, as per my one and only physical body, that I am here because of, that I exist as, that allows me to breathe, to function, to exist, to be real and me in all moments of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a drug addict, an energy addict, and want to go back and back again to this energy, despite the obvious detriment to my body, to my health, to my process, to my change, my evolution and so that of others too, of society, of the world, of humanity, of life.

http://desteni.org/



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 08 Oct 2017, 23:51

https://steemit.com/dedication/@anthonyfield/dedication

Dedication

Definition: the quality of being dedicated or committed to a task or purpose.
"his dedication to his duties"

synonyms: commitment, wholeheartedness, single-mindedness, enthusiasm, zeal, application, diligence, industry, assiduity, resolve, resoluteness, purposefulness, conscientiousness, perseverance, persistence, tenacity, doggedness, drive, staying power, backbone, sedulousness; hard work, effort, labour, striving
"success in sport requires tremendous dedication"

I very much enjoy seeing the description, and also seeing some synonyms associated with the word ‘Dedication’.

In my life, I’ve seen, even recently, that I have been dedicated doing SOME things, but not OTHER things. This is not therefore LIVING dedication. This is therefore NOT living dedication in ALL that I do. Living dedication is not a matter of putting in the effort, the hard yards, the perseverance in just some things. Selective dedication? Lol, no, that’s not on, and I definitely don’t want to do that. I can be dedicated in literally everything I do. I see it also as being so dedicated in moments, in difficult moments to when my mind comes into play, when I Desire to go into certain energies within my mind, emotions, feelings, but I am DEDICATED in stopping them and dedicated in brings myself back out of those energies and back to my physical self.

Dedicated in my process of change, of betterment, of Oneness and Equality. I actually find it amazing how one word can bring out so much coolness, and this word has for me already.

I commit myself to be dedicated in literally ALL that I do, and so I see, realise and understand that this doesn’t mean to ‘wait’ for a ‘task’ to happen or initiate and/or me initiating a task, as it is not about doing a task. Here I see, realise and understand that I have defined a task as something ‘work’ related or something that I don’t want to do, like a typical one that would anger or annoy one as the mind, that being housework or to call it a ‘chore’.

I commit myself to thus be dedicated in my MOVEMENT, which is living dedication, which means I live dedication within every fibre of my being, every muscle of me, every vessel of me, every organ of me, because then it obviously outflows into all that I do because the origin point exists within ALL of me, everything within me as DEDICATION - and so through this I will not be taking short cuts, I will not be dedicating to some things and not others, instead I will be living dedication, existing as dedication in the small movements, the small moments, as well as the big movements and the big moments. And here I commit myself to treat every movement/moment equally.

I commit myself to treat every action, every breath, every movement that I make and do, equally.

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