Anthony Field's Journey to Life

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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 27 Aug 2017, 10:11

https://steemit.com/guilt/@anthonyfield/guilt

Guilt

I’ve been facing some points concerning guilt lately. Feeling guilty for actions I’ve taken. Specifically guilty for the actions/decisions I have taken and how they may impact others. See, it’s only when it involves others in some way, shape or form, that this guilt feeling comes up within me.

It’s like, yes, I, and we all should, if possible..take actions/decisions and make actions/decisions that benefit all. That is important, that is Equality and Oneness, that is unconditional, BUT as things stand, it’s not always possible, in fact, a lot of times it is unfortunately not possible. That is when we must stand strong and see for example and in my own example, that it is best for me to do something that will benefit me, despite not benefiting another or others as much/at all, but, on the other hand, if I am to fool myself for example into doing something for another/others and then also believing this is actually good or alright for me, well, that is the exact same, so here one must draw a line because only I can choose what actions/decisions I take and make, nobody else will do that for me or in my interest, at least I can’t rely on another to make/take actions/decisions in my interest.

I must take matters into my own hands if the situation/moment requires that. This brings up something I had wrote out not too long ago in being ‘ruthless’ - ruthless in standing strong, ruthless in not accepting self-diminishment and also ruthless in not accepting less for myself and more for others in terms of believing I must do something purely and/or mostly for them whilst I am just a low or non-existent priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify feeling guilty and then attack myself and feel down/depressed/deflated as the belief that the action I’ve taken to assist myself has at the same time hurt or not assisted another/others and believing thus that this is a valid reason to hate on myself and regret the choice I made.

I see, realise and understand that as long as my starting point is one of what is best for all, Equality and Oneness, unconditional love and support for all and I have looked INTO decisions/moments as these qualities/principles and was NOT able to come to a decision that benefited all/however many equally/in some way, shape or form, then the next option is to do what benefits me and so within this not wait for another to do something that benefits me, because then I could be waiting forever and thus I must stand for myself and my choices and decisions in moments where I see that this is the ONLY way and that in this system/society, this can and usually IS the only way where it is impossible for all to benefit the same way/as much, but this is but a consequence of this system/society/what we have accepted and allowed to exist.

To be continued.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 28 Aug 2017, 08:16

https://steemit.com/guilt/@anthonyfield/guilt-2

Guilt 2

When and as I see myself desiring to feel guilty and within this, put myself down and feel sorry for others, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that IF this were to be a genuine occurrence/manifestation as per abuse, harm on purpose for example as per an emotion, feeling, thought, judgement of mine, then that is a completely different story and thus that would be a matter of self-honesty and self-honestly seeing that what I did in that moment was NOT what was best for all and thus a point that must be changed, but within recent points where I have faced this guilt feeling/sensation, I do see, realise and understand that none have been or existed to intentionally abuse, hurt or harm in any way, shape or form and I see that they were occasions and manifestations that were needed for myself to benefit above other parties.

I commit myself to if necessary, do what is needed to benefit me as per the only one that can/will do this for me/my benefit and continue and carry on with my life, simply.

I commit myself not to act as if I ‘should’ feel guilty within and as a hesitation of facing/communicating with certain people and/or generally seeing/treating them differently and in the end, NOT equally and as an equal relationship as I do with others.

I commit myself not to create this atmosphere/manifest this guilt through treating another differently in any way, shape or form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others differently from the starting point that I should act differently because I should feel and be guilty ‘for what I’ve done’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to participate within the ‘expected’ and/or standard/normal way as per an emotion/feeling to show remorse or something similar, and even to show another that I am ‘human’ as simply emotions and feelings.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 02 Sep 2017, 09:45

https://steemit.com/writing/@anthonyfie ... g-it-works

Writing..it works!

Is it not, no it is, fascinating that THIS here is my power tool, this is my starting point of change. The words, MY words. MY output. MY change is here, it starts here and so much can come from here. Different points require different change. For example, I’ve noticed with some points that after/within and as writing and speaking aloud my self-forgiveness, self-realisation and self-commitment statements, I genuinely FEEL the change. To me it is like a sail boat in the ocean, one minute you’re going in one direction, then suddenly the wind changes with no warning, and BANG, you’re off on a different tangent, a totally different tangent. The difference here is I KNOW and am AWARE that self-forgiveness and the other statements actually work as I’ve tested them countless times.

Of course that’s something that each has to see for themselves, so I speak for my own experience here. Anyway..
That is how it feels to me. So the ‘warning’ part is not so much, but it is still a sudden change, like an awakening, a finding out something key, a REALISATION, yes, that’s the word I’m looking for lol. And there are other points where, actually, generally I do feel a change of some sort, but the magnitude of the change differs. That can be because I need to work on it in a moment, in a certain situation/scenario to expand and make that change come through as needed, and then also I can expand at later times on the same point where I figure out more, perhaps through these physical in moment and scenario situations, or I just generally expand and the realisations come through within me.

It’s cool either way. So here I’ve seen how there’s no necessarily…like, one particular way to do something, because points are so multi-faceted and each are unique.

That brings up another point for me and realisation in itself in how one cannot go into writing and the statements that follow EXPECTING change. It has to be more like, writing to see where you are at, writing about the points, releasing the points to assist yourself, but just see it as a point of assistance and support with no strings attached and thus no expectations attached, because any expectation will lead to disappointment otherwise. I prefer myself to just write. Literally, just write. Assist and support myself through writing, through seeing what is a part of me and what realisations and changes I can POSSIBLY bring through, but won’t NECESSARILY bring through, I must see for myself and see what comes up/out and then what I can do to further change if necessary. As I said..each and every point is a unique one and the change that follows and is needed therefore will ALWAYS vary.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 04 Sep 2017, 11:09

https://steemit.com/embrace/@anthonyfie ... bracing-me

Accepting and embracing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the world and a society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sense of lostness when entering the world/society/being with others/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not belong in this society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am the odd one out, the one that is wrong, the one that is odd/weird.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a problem or issue with me as a human life form/life as any other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to accept myself entirely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only accept certain parts/areas/things that I do, failing to see, realise and understand that this is no where near enough and that I in fact must accept ALL of me, otherwise I can never fully BE here.

I commit myself to accept my apparent ‘quirks’ and ‘oddities’ - though within this and writing this, I see, realise and understand that any quirks/oddities that I believe I am to have are actually a SYMPTOM of an underlying issue, that issue being my self-judgments of myself and things I do/of me/as me which then manifest as ‘quirks’ and ‘oddities’ because I’m for example forcing them or not being natural and thus my output is not a simple extension of me.

I commit myself to remove these quirks/oddities from me through deep breathing because as I’ve seen and realised within myself, this is very effective in getting back on track so to speak and moving effectively and as one unit, as opposed to multiple parts of me that are directed by this or that as per a self-judgmental energy, emotional energy.

I commit myself to embrace my body and how I look and how it is and what it is.

I commit myself to accept myself as a work in progress.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 07 Sep 2017, 11:34

It’s not ALL bad

Despite the world, society, us…being in basically complete and utter disarray, what has pleasantly surprised me are the moments of kindness on display at times. Not at times, that sounds like it is rare lol, but actually I have been overwhelmed at times with how frequent these kindness moments can occur. Of course I don’t see each moment ha, but just my own experience and seeing/hearing, it’s nice. Like, how humans treat other humans in close vicinity, how they speak, the apologies, the offers and the genuine aspect of it all.

It has personally assisted me a lot in my process. As I said, at times, frequent time in fact, I have been verrryyyy disappointed, down…about the state of everything, or most things in this world. Now that I was no longer suppressing all this shit, well, suppressing REALITY, I didn’t know where to turn, so I just felt down about it all lol. I have written self-forgiveness on these points too which has assisted me tremendously, and then also seeing this kindness in people - it is a beautiful thing and a type of indication of the potential for all of us to become if we expand on that kindness completely and utterly a million times over!

What I’ve also realised is that it is BECAUSE of my self-forgiveness and application, that I am now AWARE and seeing these acts of kindness. Definitely, these acts of kindness have, are and will continue happening, but it’s just that I was so despondent about society/the world, that I was immune to seeing anything cool and kind in the world!

It is very amazing what new insights, realisations and awareness can bring to a person and thus any situation.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 17 Sep 2017, 11:46

https://steemit.com/speaking/@anthonyfield/agreeable

Agreeable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so agreeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree with others instead of saying what it is that I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree to the point of not even being HERE within and as the moment and thus the conversation at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be in control whatsoever or in total control and direction of myself as I want to be, through being so agreeable with others instead of adding substance by speaking what I want to say and how I see things.

I forgive myself thus that I have accepted and allowed myself to just prolong a conversation and moreso be a bystander, instead of getting into where I am sharing equally and in response with my own take and perspective and suggestion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to add something cool, different, or at least SOMETHING to a conversation/situation to make it more alive, make it expand more, make it something more than it is when I am just agreeable and just listening and speaking as wanting the conversation to end and/or to move onto a different topic. I commit myself to add to each and EVERY topic, because there are in fact none where I can’t speak and say something that I want to say, but just are not saying because I fear a conflict or being different or judging my own perspective or ideas or thoughts as this or that and so keep them locked away within me where none get to hear and also I don’t get to hear, but this I see, realise and understand is a stagnant point where I just stay comfortable and motionless instead of creating motion and ripples in others and myself and the world as a whole in whatever it is I am doing, anywhere.

I see, realise and understand that if a conversation is not going anywhere and is stopping and starting and not flowing, that tells me that I am not doing enough and I am also not ‘there’ in the moment and I’m instead fearing a conflict or judging my own thoughts, perspectives, ideas, instead of just speaking them in the moment as what is best for all, even if it MAY not go down too well, I see that the point is to actually open up and speak them, to put them OUT THERE in the world, in society, because otherwise they just stay hidden, silent, where I don’t even give any an opportunity to at LEAST LISTEN, HEAR, not taking into consideration what more could potentially happen too.

I commit myself to speak this, say that, do this, do that, where I am no longer judging my own ideas, thoughts, perspectives as too out there, too crazy, too weird, too this, too that, and instead am not judging them and instead EMBRACING them and embracing the differences, the changes, the support, the assistance, the potential.

http://desteni.org/



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 22 Sep 2017, 02:11

https://steemit.com/breathing/@anthonyf ... omes-first

Breathing always comes FIRST

I don’t know about you..but in my process, my Desteni process, and learning and utilising the importance and method of BREATHING, I’ve come to fail many many times. And I don’t just mean failing to breathe, which I have done too, but specifically I have delayed my breathing whilst I do or finish something else. This can be a multitude of things. For me for example, I mean, fears, worries, self-judgments etc, etc…can come up whilst doing anything. So for me, whilst brushing my teeth. Or. Before brushing my teeth.

So in this example I have either continued to brush my teeth despite this fear for example in my mind coming up and directing me. And in this example, it’s not necessarily a fear relating to brushing my teeth or anything, it can be something totally unrelated and in fact is most of the time I am doing this or that and something comes up that directs me. Anyway, the point is to STOP whatever I am doing. Brushing my teeth, 1 min into my teeth brushing routine? Fear comes up in relation to ANYTHING? STOP. Yes I have toothpaste in my mouth, on my teeth lol, can spit it out if necessary and then get to breathing.

That is what I mean. So if I have to spit out toothpaste if it will impact my breathing in that moment, then cool, do that, then breathe, then I can continue brushing my teeth after I breathe, bring myself back, get out of my mind, out of the fear, do some self-forgiveness, investigate the point then or later, or keep it in mind for later writing and investigation. I mean, not saying I must give myself 5, 10 mins to breathe, to self-forgive in that moment. Generally it’s just breathing that is needed I have found, but perhaps some self-forgiveness and then obviously can expand later.

Another example is listening to music. I do enjoy music. And I enjoy specific parts in songs a lot, like a guitar solo! So I have in the past whilst listening to music, again, a fear for example comes up, and again can be in relation to ANYTHING..so I do some breathing…BUT, I RUSH the breathing, because in 25 seconds, that guitar solo is going to begin! Lol, this doesn’t work. Fuck the guitar solo, fuck the music. This is vital shit, my breathing. The guitar solo won’t release me from the fear I have, only breathing will. The guitar solo is cool, I enjoy and admire the skill, the creativity, the sound, texture, but that is all…breathing happens and is within me and it is my tool in that moment to get out of a fear. And whatever, I want to hear that guitar solo again, rewind…or not, lol, whatever I want.

Anyway, all I am saying is their is nothing that can come before or has more IMPORTANCE in a moment than breathing. That is absolutely what I have found. Always brings me back, gets me out of that fear, out of my mind, out of anything that I am thinking that is controlling, directing me, making me not be one with my physical body. Anyway, if I am not HERE, one with my physical body, then I definitely won’t be enjoying the moment, so for example that guitar solo and/or doing a as good a job as I can do with brushing my teeth. All these thoughts, fears, judgments impact even if in minute ways.

KEEP BREATHING!!

http://desteni.org/




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