Anthony Field's Journey to Life

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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 20 Feb 2017, 23:51

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Day 648 - Accepting sickness


Over the weekend I got sick. Most likely when I went out and I was feeling quite cold, coupled with some friction and such with another. Anyway, despite this, I had acted like everything was fine with me. So here there is this belief within me that because I’ve walked myself out of my mind (to an extent) that I should NOT be getting as sick or even sick at all lol, which is untrue.

As I mentioned earlier, and what I’ve come to realise is sickness can be a combination or one of..or something, of either physical effects (weather/me not preparing enough for said weather) and/or mind points such as anger, being nervous, worrying, stressing, suppressing etc. I do still get sick. And what I should NOT do is attempt to suppress the sickness. The faster I accept it, the faster I can basically allow it to take its toll/do it’s thing, and in the mean time I do what I can to heal my body effectively, through eating healthy, through rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I won’t/do not get as sick now that I’ve walked through many mind points, failing to see, realise and understand that I am not ‘there’ yet as walking through EVERY SINGLE MIND POINT and thus they definitely still effect me, though I can obviously change this through breath in the moment/self-forgiveness when necessary, and through general physical effects such as weather in which I must prepare myself, so within these both, I commit myself to utilise my breath effectively/self-forgiveness effectively as well as preparing for any weather, preparing VERY EFFECTIVELY for any weather here because I definitely rather ‘over prepare’ in a way as opposed to getting sick in any way, shape or form.


I commit myself to accept my sickness so that I can understand that it is here with me for me to then begin the process of healing effectively/without suppressing the sickness in which it’ll take longer for me to heal my body because I am in DENIAL.



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 22 Feb 2017, 00:39

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Day 649 - Complaining


Complaining is to not take self-responsibility. Whether it’s complaining about things that don’t go one’s way, about the traffic, about someone, about how one feels etc. I’ve seen this within myself, but my excuse was that I was doing it as joking, as sarcasm. But I also saw that this is not so, because it CONTINUED. Maybe a joke/sarcasm once or twice, but if it keeps happening, then there is a deeper meaning in how I see it. Meaning, an actual underlying form of complaining, thus not taking self-responsibility for events and such.

This is an issue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for my complaining.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for the events that happen in my life/what I do/who I’m with so that I do not find reasons to complain as excuses/justifications to do so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe it is okay to complain if it is a joke/sarcasm, when in reality this constant apparent joking/sarcasm is actually showing me that this is a form of complaining because I can’t let it go or move on from it, it is a constant lingering within myself.

When and as I see myself desiring to complain in any way, shape or form, even if it is apparently jokingly/as sarcasm, I stop and breathe. I realise that any prolonged ‘joking’ or ‘sarcasm’ is underlying complaining. So I commit myself to be aware of this, even when desiring to say something for the first time, to make sure I am clear in what it is I am doing/saying and of course that I don’t repeat it/say it in another way, otherwise I know I am not taking self-responsibility and in fact allowing events/others/myself to affect me negatively.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that complaining is a form of blame/pointing fingers, instead of taking self-responsibility for my own actions in something/as the result of something.


I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I can ALWAYS take self-responsibility for everything that happens to myself, to others, in the world, because it is what I’ve accepted and allowed to happen within my life in failing to change myself and be an example towards others.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 02 Mar 2017, 10:00

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Day 650 - Why is drama so ‘engaging’?


There is drama in reality tv, in general tv shows, in movies, in the news. And we are ADDICTED to this drama. Even if the drama is more ‘negative’ – such as a robbery, death, murder...it’s still engaging in a way. So I see that it’s the unexpected, but not only that..also the excitement, something to escape our daily lives that we’ve come to see as too similar..boring.......the same thing, repetitive. This drama gets our attention, makes us happy..excited...surprised.......these things, and then we long for it because it makes us ‘feel something’ – makes us feel ‘alive’.

And I can bring this back to myself in terms of when I first started investigating the Desteni material/walking process, I feared that if me/EVERYONE stood as the principles of equality and oneness, then I feared that life would be BORING, because of thoughts such as “Where is the fun? Where is the joy? Where is the DANGER? Where is the EXCITEMENT? Where is the DRAMA? Won’t it be shit if we’re all getting along, respecting, caring, loving eachother and life? Does the mind not keep things interesting as fear, as anger, as sadness, as happiness, as death..killing.........drama...happenings, whether negative or positive?”

This only goes to show my addiction and reliance on drama. And the boredom I’ve actually been living because of not even remotely beginning to understand my true potential. The potential I can be/reach to become whatever it is I want to be, to do this and that, try new things, and basically not allow my mind to stop me from experiencing what I would like to experience, but are too fearful because of self-judgements and such.


I am completely wrong here. A world full of each standing as equality and oneness would be...wow lol. Amazing I’m sure. Though imaginations and imagining it now is pointless. Best to focus on the now and actually GETTING THERE PRACTICALLY. That is the MASSIVE STEP infront of us right now. That is why I commit myself to this journey, for life. For all.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 05 Mar 2017, 11:43

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Day 651 - Sweeping things under the rug


This expression is basically to suppress. To hide. To not FACE things. Or at least in relation to issues that I am seeing recently. What happened was I overheard someone talking about me negatively. It was fine. I was not upset, I was not angry, I was not reacting. I went over and obviously that chat ended because I showed up. I suppose they thought I was not in close vicinity. So I showed up, and that conversation ended, and a new started with me being spoken to and as if that conversation about me never existed.

So we chatted for a bit, like..1 minute, then I asked about it, if they had an issue with something I did, that’s what I asked. They owned up to it and said they did and why. And I explained my reasons in relation to the negative thing they said about me. I saw this was healthy, because I was willing to open up about an issue that one had with me, and I got to explain my reasons. They did not explain theirs, they seemed to just understand what I was saying and accept it/agree with it. So within this I see, and even overhearing it, that it was an unusual thing to speak of as a negative thing about me. It did not make sense.

So what I saw then and after I brought this up was it was simply what this person wanted me to do/be, and what they want me to do/be generally. Because I am not doing this or being that, the person that they desire me to be and/or that they want to be/are, then they have reacted negatively and spoken about me negatively. And that’s the same impression I got, because they had no reasons/explanations as to why they said what they said about me.

It was fine though as I said. I merely brought it up, explained. It was cool though, they took no offensive because I was not speaking in anger or anything. I was just calm about it and explained in detail why I did/do and/or did not do what I did not do and such, and as I said, they seemed to understand.

Anyway, I’m glad I ‘confronted’ them about this, because at the time I had considered it but was also considering letting it slide, saying nothing, but I wanted to and did. This is what we ALL should be doing, in speaking aloud about issues that happen amongst eachother so we can come to an understanding, a resolve, something. As opposed to sweeping things under the rug (suppressing) lol, because what I’ve seen with this individual is their body language and such towards me is one of resistance, so all of this backchat and what they’ve said of me is very evident in their demeanor towards me. And I have overheard things before that they’ve said of me negatively. So it is a culmination.


It’s cool though, because if I overheard something similar in the past, I DEFINITELY would have just done the same myself in sweeping things under the rug, by pretending as if I heard nothing negative said about me, and acting all happy (fake) and pleasant, and within this also, trying to PLEASE that person by acting upon what they said of me negatively, so doing something different in the hope of pleasing them, but within this also, I’d have anger towards that person, my own suppression. So it is fascinating how this little chain of events and moments occurs and what it leads to within each moment.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 12 Mar 2017, 08:30

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Day 652 - Getting back on track with my process


I was not fully on track with my process. Process without a single doubt within me is the most vital thing in my life. Nothing else is more vital. I know how important this is, I know how vital this is...I know how necessary this is – for myself and for others, and for life. And for change. I had not been as dedicated as I could be to my process, and that is NOT valid. This cannot be the way. I was compromising my process in favour of something else, something different, something I Desired, something that did work at times, but also, and the majority of the time did NOT work – which I failed to take into account/do something about.

There was no doubt here that I was not being self-honest within myself and thus in relation to the situation I was in. The signs were EVERYWHERE that this was not the best thing for me. The cracks were showing, and they did develop into breakages a lot, where it seemed to be that I made the correct/best for all decision, but then instead of STICKING WITH THAT DECISION, I went back on it, failing to see, realise and understand why I made this decision in the FIRST place. There can be NO maybes. Only definite answers of a yes or no. And thus no going backs.

Despite my failure to stick to a decision as yes or no, despite my umm-ing and ahh-ing – I see it as no regret, because I’ve learnt from this and that is what is important, for sure. I got past it and am now very glad with the decision that I’ve made. I have immediately seen the effects of my decision and it’s only been a day, well, not even a day. I can see more clearly. I can definitely see more clearly how dishonest I was with myself and others. And I am immediately getting myself back on course – a lot of it to do with this decision I’ve made and STICKING to it.


I look forward to sharing more about my process/journey to life and being back on track in what is the most vital thing one can do in this life.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 13 Mar 2017, 06:39

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When we're born, surely we all expect to be ABLE to enjoy life, earth and what life and earth and life on earth has to offer each of us. Why is it then that a simple matter of geographic location automatically shows us the life we'll have? How can we fucking allow this to remotely exist at all, when our fellow HUMAN - exact same as us is not only suffering, but DYING - in conditions that are just...fucking terrible?

I know, we look out of our windows to see beautiful forestry, clear blue skies, nice landscapes, roads, all pristine and well-maintained. What we all require is to put ourselves in these poor countries. Put ourselves in war-torn countries - Both, so we can understand...at least to SOME extent. Then when we look out our windows...or makeshift window being a damn hole in the wall, we see the complete opposite of our lovely pristine landscapes back home - instead we see rubble, we see dust, chaos, destruction, we hear planes overheard, bullets, destruction. Not to mention the lack of strength to be able to move or function effectively at all.

Now, I have not been in this position - but Desteni process has more than awoken me to life on earth, ALL of earth, not just the LUCKY ones in my country. I could go to these countries I speak of, myself, but with Desteni process I don't necessarily have to. Sure, I still can and it'd be a huge learning experience, but a huge PERSPECTIVE change through SELF-FORGIVENESS has informed me enough of the abuse in earth/that others are in due to lol - being 'unlucky' - pathetic.

Change your own perspective and see that THIS is truly the only valid way of actual BEST FOR ALL transformation that WILL benefit ALL LIFE.



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AnthonyF
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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 15 Mar 2017, 00:37

http://anthonyfieldjourneytolife.blogsp ... ed.htmlDay 654 - What I know is required


This is one that I see I am failing at. Or, I try it for a certain period, try as in I see that it is what is best in the moment, but then eventually I go back on it and go back to the same routine. Why is this, why am I not sticking to decisions/choices that I make, when I see that they are what is best for all in that moment and indefinitely? I see that I fear hurting others, because in these instances, it is when others are involved. For example, not seeing one as often because the relationship is not as healthy as it could be/not as effective as it could be – well, this is basically it for me lol.

There are things in these relationships that I’ve been working on in terms of making them healthier/more effective, but when it is still not progressing as much and/or at all, then it’s either to lessen the times of meeting up or not at all. Anyway, I must stick with what I see is best in the moment/for all, and that means to obviously...not go back on my decisions/choices, not to sway AT ALL.

When and as I see myself in a moment when one asks me/says to me if I want to/that some event is happening and I can come along/they’d like me to, I stop and breathe. I realise that IF this does compromise myself/others as what I see/know is best for all in that moment, then I simply do not partake in this energy to accept simply because I don’t want to hurt another. I see, realise and understand that I am in fact hurting another through self-dishonesty, lying, because I’m lying to myself/others and I know accepting this proposal is not what is best for all and then if I do accept it, it is suppressing, it is forcing for sake of apparently not hurting another with the decisions/choices that I make.

I commit myself again to open up about this to others, and this time, to stick with it, because I have opened it up with others before, but then either they forget or think it’s a joke, and come to me asking this and that and when to meet up, and I Just do it, I do it, instead of sticking to my original principles and such in knowing why it is I made this original decision/choice in the FIRST place, so when and as one does ask me despite opening up about my reasons and such as to how often see one, I commit myself to STOP, to BREATHE, so that I see what I originally did as decision/choice and WHY I made it, and just because it seems nice to do at the time and/or I don’t want to apparently hurt another, when it comes time for the moment, it will be suppressed and forced because it’s not what I’d like to do and not what is best for all at the time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am in no way hurting another, it’s just apparently hurting another in what I believe it is they want me to do/say, and maybe this is the case in what they want me to do/say, but if it does not align to what I want to do/say as what I see is best, then it is COMPROMISE and thus it is not what is best for all, it is MAYBE only what’s best for another if my beliefs are correct, but it does not matter about my beliefs, because they don’t concern the practical situation at hand, thus I commit myself to only reply to what is practical and thus necessary in the moment and that means to stick to my original choice/decision of not meeting up with another as often, because it’s what is practical/necessary at the time and I know that this is of best control then and in the long run until/unless things change further down the line, but I come to that line/reasoning when that moment gets here/opens up and/or when anything changes further down the line/into the future.


I also see, realise and understand that it’s not exclusively about the health of the relationship in these instances, but also in regards to perspectives, interests, being on similar levels and such in how I see a relationship and thus how often it happens and such.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 16 Mar 2017, 10:49

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Day 655 - Speaking my thoughts out loud


This is like having a conversation...except with myself lol. I thought this was ‘better’ than having thoughts in my mind, that basically stay silent and are just backchat, but speaking those same thoughts out loud to myself, as anger, frustration, self-judgment etc is the exact same, it’s just that when I am alone and see that I won’t ‘look odd’ speaking to myself, I do this on occasion. I see that I do it as a form of relief/release, but this is neither of those – it’s just manifestation of these very same thoughts I’m having, manifested out loud for me to converse with.

So it’s just an outflow because, and what I see, is that I’m not releasing these in ACTUALITY as I SHOULD be doing through writing/self-forgiveness etc. So obviously it is the same thing. I generally write about backchats, and so I write about the out loud backchats into conversations too, even if/when they differ to the backchats, because it’s all the same stuff – it all must be RELEASED, obviously so I stop SPEAKING TO MYSELF as my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the conversations out loud I have with myself as a manifestation of the thoughts/backchats that I have that are the same and/or transform into other points, realising here that ALL must be released through WRITING/SELF-FORGIVENESS etc.


I commit myself to become aware of ALL that is happening to me, because it is showing me things that I must release. None of it is ‘okay’ or ‘appropriate’ – it is all things that requires MY attention so as to CHANGE myself and how I handle/direct myself in the world/my life.



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 17 Mar 2017, 11:31

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Day 656 - Moving on and up in the world


It always start with me, or to you, with you..and to us, ourselves lol. As I get further and further into process through writing and application, I can definitely say it is so very apparent that it all starts with ourselves. If I am stable within myself, easy. I’ll be fine. I just know it. With every single thing that I do. So obviously it’s so amazingly cool here then that OURSELVES is the ONLY thing we’re in control of, 100% utter control, and so as long as we APPLY, we’ll be absolutely FANTASTICALLY FINE. YAY!

And slowly but surely as process, I’m getting to that point of utter stability. It’s so easy to see, realise and understand the progress. You FEEL IT within yourself. As I have done. I feel it. And it shows in my interactions with others. It shows in how I present myself. It shows in how I stand, in what I do, in how I say things. It’s so damn cool not to be directed by ANYTHING that will definitely set me off in an unhealthy direction/way.

This process is absolutely LIFE CHANGING. For the best, absolutely. This is what you and I need. This is what people on the other side of the world need. And of course what all and each in the world need. It’s so cool to have the answers, to live the answers.

Every Destonian is LIVING PROOF of the possibilities, the possibilities MANIFESTED. Very cool if you ask me. And it shows in all that we do. For example, I’ve had plenty of people notice this and are intrigued/interested/agree with how I do things/what I say/how I say it etc. And you know, these little moments, yes being SEEMINGLY little more like it, they are as I’ve said..being picked up on, and who knows what happens from there within that individual, it could very well be the spark that leads them to becoming a Destonian too. I hope so. And if not, then the constant sparks, like a lighter that sometimes takes a few goes/turns and sparks to get the flame roaring. That is how I see it. All it takes is a single SPARK to start something amazing and awesome in the world and within another. And it’s but the simple equation of 1 + 1 + 1 that will change the world.

It is AWESOME. This change is happening and it won’t be denied. The plethora of examples in all forms is staggering and it will ONLY grow more and MORE. And the internet is a place that is endless. So no need to worry about lack of space!

I’m so thankful for everyone that walks with me and that I walk with on this journey. There is no other journey like this. This is THE journey, the one that is the star amongst the rough, the diamond amongst the rough – the one that shines brightly in an otherwise dull world.


Thank you to you all, Destonians, I am FOREVER grateful for what you have done and continue to do. Let’s continue this shit! :D



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Re: Anthony Field's Journey to Life

Postby AnthonyF » 18 Mar 2017, 05:30

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Day 657 - Respect your elders


I see that this phrase, and others..and generally just respecting people that are older than myself, such as..as a kid, respecting adults, and that their word is best/right, their word is the verdict/conclusion – this has taken a toll on me throughout my life and still does affect and direct me now to an extent, so I have some clearing up to do here so that I no longer fear those that are older than me and what they say and believing thus that their word is final and that saying anything otherwise is pointless because this fear of saying otherwise or even trying to discuss matters with one older than me is pointless. So this is but one example of how what we say to kids/when they grow up etc effects them then and into adult life – something we must all stop doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my elders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that elders/those that are older than me have the best word, the final word, the most accurate word, and that thus within this ‘logic’ anything I say/that I say otherwise is automatically INVALID simply based on these words of respecting my elders and that their word is the best word, which is simply not true in reality, because there is NO reason for anyone, despite the age, to have an invalid or not appropriate or not BEST for all answer based on their age – within this I see, realise and understand that I’ve seen manyyyy examples of kids with so much enlightening things to say and are very wise/smart and can see the ABUSE as example taking place in our world whereas adults do not see this because they suppress and are self-interested – this but one example – but nonetheless age does not define us whatsoever, and thus equality always rules out this age formality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that simply BEING ON EARTH for a longer period of time AUTOMATICALLY means one is ‘wiser’ or can ‘see more clearly’ or well, ‘knows all the answers’ – which again is totally not true. And obviously it depends on the subject at hand, but in the end, no point is invalid or not appropriate, because ALL answers/words/actions and such are capable of being accurate, correct and/or what is best for all, thus I see, realise and understand that there is no pre-determined life that ‘wins out’ amongst any other life.

I commit myself to accept what I know, how I do things, because I see this as the best way of living. I see that I have my eyes/actions set on something massive, and already in the process of doing so, of making a change in myself and others and so the world. I see, realise and understand that what I have to say is of utmost importance, as can be the same for any other, no matter the age, gender, origins, background, state. All are equal at all times, but what is said by each is dependent on THEMSELVES and them as the mind and/or lackthereof directing them.


I commit myself to face my elders as another human being, akin to me, as they are, and to thus speak, action as I would any other life, no matter what it is, how it is. I commit myself to enjoy the interaction taking place and discuss fully, appropriately, WISELY as necessary.




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