Cool Anthony, this reminds me a lot to the time when I would pack a set of cd's (lol back in the day) whenever I would go on a trip and I would not have internet access, I would experience similar obsession and not wanting to 'miss out' in the future moment of wanting to listen to particular music and not having it with me.
What would eventually happen is that yes, I would mostly be involved into many other activities that I would barely even use the cd's or only on my way there, so it's interesting how we want to keep our so called 'safe zone' of entertainment, instead of actually letting go of our routine and expand ourselves in the things that we can do, in this case: seeing what you can actually create as an activity for yourself without internet and so really take the opportunity to enjoy yourself, and not only being bound to 'receiving entertainment/being entertained'
There's definitely much more to life when we actually let go of our constricted ways in which we believe 'is the only way we enjoy ourselves.'
Thanks for sharing
Thanks, Marlen! Cool stuff. I can relate to that as well, specifically the going to trips, taking cd's, and barely using them, lol. That is definitely true about wanting/needing to stay in and keep the 'safe zone', no doubt about it. Time to expand our horizons!
http://anthonyfieldjourneytolife.blogsp ... -fear.html
Day 303 - Big nose fear
I was in the city today in a rather crowded area, waiting to catch the train back home. All of a sudden, I participated within this fear that my big nose is disgusting, that it's hideous, that people find me disgusting for having a big nose. I accept that I have a big nose. I used to somewhat avoid admitting that I do have a big nose, but what is the point of that? I have a big nose. But does it define me? Only if I allow it to - and I am NOT allowing my big nose to define me, as it is but ONE physical feature of me - and why whatsoever should I live in a constant fear because of the physical appearance of my nose, something that I literally have no control over? There is no reason for me to fear other's judgements towards my big nose.
I do have a big nose when compared to other's noses, lol. But, we all have different sized everything. Anyway..I related this fear to a memory I had when I was in high school. It was before classes had started, so I and the other students were in the long hallway where all of our lockers were placed - we were getting our books and whatnot, preparing for our first class. A 'sort of' friend of mine and I started jokingly arguing. It was nothing serious, it was all fun-spirited. Anyway, this person said that I had a 'big nose'. I remember feeling rather down at the time. I know it was all in 'good fun', but still, I allowed myself to take it personally and reacted with sadness.
That is the memory that sticks in my mind the most. There would have been other instances when I would have had fears about my big nose, but this is the one that sticks the most. If others come up/I feel the need to write other memories out, I will do so - but just this one for now.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the memory of someone saying that I have a 'big nose'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to in a public area, fear that people find my big nose 'disgusting' when and as I see myself participating within the memory of someone saying I have a 'big nose'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the size of my nose - within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that my nose is just but one physical feature of my face, among a bunch of other physical features - I therefore commit myself to accept all of my physical facial features for what they are, instead of holding them against myself through an energetic fear reaction.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed my big nose, thus my mind to be the directive principle within guidance of myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not accept my big nose for what it is.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to label myself as 'disgusting' just because commonly, people that I see have 'small' noses - I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not accept my nose, no matter the size of it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react within emotions/feelings when I hear comments about my nose from others.
When and as I see myself participating within a fear that my big nose is 'disgusting' in terms of others' seeing it/being near my big nose, I stop and breathe. I realise that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within a memory of someone commenting that I had a 'big nose', and that I have lived within separation by participating within that memory and remembering the 'sadness' that I felt within myself as I heard those words 'big nose' being said by someone.
I commit myself to accept my nose for what it is.
I commit myself to be the one and only directive principle within myself - not allowing myself to define myself by the size of my nose, thus be directed by my mind.
I commit myself to accept that I do have a big nose when compared to others' noses, but I commit myself to NOT hold that against myself - as it is something that is OUT of my control.
I commit myself to not allow a big nose from doing anything that I'd normally do in any way, shape or form, if I in fact had a different sized nose - a smaller nose.