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Day 313 - Fear mongering tactics as to distance self from Desteni
There are a few points to this.
1. I have not been writing as frequently (daily) as I COULD be (which I know from personal experience is not helpful to me whatsoever - using excuses to not write, skipping days, things like that).
2. I feel and well, see within my life, that I'm not making 'much' progress towards obtaining a job, and therefore a stable income to sustain myself in life.
The first point, about writing frequently/daily. It's actually amazing, the benefits of writing daily. I've realised this countless times, yet, I have at times (recently) gone astray, astray in terms of straying from my course of DAILY writing. I'm talking about my personal process - I have time to spare, I have points to write out - so, excuses to avoid writing do not benefit me WHATSOEVER, both in the short run, and the long run. Back to the benefits of writing daily, as I was saying...it's amazing that the act of writing daily, no matter the topic, the point - it has kept me HERE and has allowed me to stay CONSTANTLY focused on what I really have to do within my life. That is what I gain from daily writing. Skipping days/weeks, I lose that stability GREATLY. I don't know if others' have found this, but it is certainly the case for me.
Failing to write daily, ESPECIALLY when one has the time, and especially when one uses excuses or whatever reason it may be, to NOT write - it's ONLY damaging one's process. That is what I've seen through both writing daily, being committed to that, and on the other hand, failing to write daily, using excuses of 'Being too tired.' or 'I'd rather do other things.'. I've paid for using those excuses countless times, and obviously, within this, I'm only hurting my own process/myself.
That's the first point. Writing daily for me is vital. As I have seen the effects of writing consistently, and lagging - giving up. There's only ONE way to keep stable/steady/focused, for me.
So, that first point leads to my second point somewhat: in that I lost 'focus', I lost stability on my goals, my main goal being gaining employment, and thus a stable income. Yesterday, I felt that I was 'wasting time' and 'wasting my life'. I could and SHOULD be doing things like, improving my resume, applying for jobs, researching potential study options - things like that. But, I wasn't. I was preoccupied with other things.
So - through both of these points, I participated within a memory. I remember at the time of this memory occurrence, it had a strong resonance within me. It was at a time when I was 'weak'. I was 'weak' in terms of I was very unsure of Desteni - reason being that I was new to Desteni at the time, and I had people telling me that Desteni was a scam etc. But, basically, my cousin had picked me up from my father's house, and he drove me to my other cousins' house. While in the car, my cousin, super skeptical of Desteni, and I - we had a pretty thorough discussion about Desteni: He wanted to know all about it, how I found out about it, what it's about.
I was still learning about Desteni, so there was a lot I was still confused about, in associate within Desteni, that is. I may have also been a 'God believer' at the time of the discussion, I'm not 100% sure, though. Anyway, the thing that my cousin said to me that really stuck with me was that 'You don't want to participate with Desteni your whole life, and only realise later in life that you in fact wasted your whole life by trusting in and believing in Desteni'. So, my cousin was basically telling me that I don't want to be associated with Desteni for 5-10 years, and only after that long of being associated with Desteni, then realise that Desteni was a scam. Through someone uncovering Desteni perhaps, or other means of 'evidence' proving to Desteni being a scam to make money.
So, again, that memory, those words did stick with me. And, although I am absolutely convinced within self-realisations/my own process - that Desteni is legit and NOT a scam to make money or a scam to brainwash people - I still have an attachment TO that memory of being told that. But, what I actually realise is my cousin's words were fear mongering words. Words to put FEAR into me. I mean, who wants to go through life, and only realise in their later years that they were lied to? I doubt many people would want that. And of course, it being my cousin - a family member, I took his words strongly. So: It's interesting how people/family attempt to put fear into one, well, into me.
Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come.