Marleys Journey To Life

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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 15 Oct 2017, 19:20

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... e-die.html

It's a question that has been existent within all humanity for a long time, a pre-programmed pattern of thought, where we all wonder - what will happen when I die? Some one asked me this just last night, what I believe happens when we die.

It is a fact that we all will die, and there are of course the main religions, each with their own perspective, yet there is thousands of different ideologies around the world, from thousands of different cultures and groups. What does this huge variety of options suggest from a starting point of common sense? It means that a lot of people are going to disappointed, because surely not every ideology is correct right?

It tends to be fear of the afterlife that makes us as humans cling onto whatever concept we believe fits our personality, whatever concept we believe will keep us "the safest" in the afterlife, give us the best outcome.

People see the horrors in this world like wars, rape, starvation, the abuse of anything natural and innocent - these things cause us to become afraid, to want to escape, to get to "somewhere better" then here.

The hope being of course that in the afterlife will be a paradise existence, much better then whats here, when in reality it is this hopeless pursuit of happiness in self-interest which is the reason why the suffering occurs in this world - the majority still do not want to take self-responsibility to fix the issues in the world, but rather just hope for something better here after, and so the cycle of abuse continues in this world.

Yet one thing my granddad taught me growing up with regards to any religious ideas of the afterlife is this - Marley if I cannot quantify something, if I cannot measure it here, then there is no way I can claim to you to know what something is, which is why each religion is confused because they are all claiming that they can quantify the afterlife, as if they have already been there and been able to bring back their findings, which in reality is not the case.

So within this is where my Scientific Atheistic personality developed - also as my questioning mind continue to question the afterlife growing up, this lead me to more research, more cross referencing and some things have clearly become certain about religions and death -


The more you research the history of religion, the more you realise that today's religions are essentially new religions created for profit for a few/propaganda/slavery and the continuation of a pyramid like system as capitalism. Yet in the scope of human history on Earth and the further you go back cross referencing the stones of the earth, then the oldest religions on this planet paint a far different story then what the main religions say, because the further you go back tens of thousands of years before the words Christian, Jew, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist or Hindu were uttered by humans, then the more you find Reptilians and a whole host of various beings from various places, some of which seem to have also been trying to find God, the meaning of life and death, and in some cases turning themselves into Gods over humans and other beings in hieroglyphs and scripture.

One thing for certain is you will not be taking your earthly physical possessions with you, this is perhaps one of the most commonly agreed upon factors of death, and in fact it is this fear of losing possessions, fear of repentance, fear of death that has been the catalyst of a lot of scientific research into Immortality.



Breathe - our physical breathe is encapsulated in our physical body, and one the day we die everyone knows that breathe stops in the physical body - so one could say that our breathe is not our own then, but rather a natural life force of Earth that is our balancing weight for our time in this physical world.

If your mind is encapsulated in your physical brain, then surely you cannot take your personality with you, so it seems certain that after the physical death that there is some kind of "second death" of everything about our character in this lifetime that occurs.
There are of course other things that are not certain - variables which various people have shared with me through the years: a tunnel of light, seeing your life flash before your eyes, perhaps having to explain yourself to Mother Earth, seeing your life replayed and having to take self-responsibility for the abuse that you incurred in your lifetime as a form of cosmic karma -

perhaps these life memories will be stored in some kind of records, then perhaps I will be reborn into the physical body of a baby, and I will have to attempt to relearn to stop the mistakes from a previous life. Some say there is different beings that you will see, Reptilians and the like perhaps.

Yet in reality outside of the 4 things I mentioned there is nothing else that I or anyone else can prove
to be fact about religion and the afterlife - so I suggest do not waste time on thinking about the afterlife.

Through the years I have installed a new system within myself to develop stability, whereby I commit

myself to not allowing myself to participate with random thoughts about the afterlife, so when questions and thoughts come up about the afterlife, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into these thoughts, because in reality all that happens is the separation of myself here, wasting hours of time, wasting so many moments of breathe sitting there "wondering and researching" that which cannot be quantified, when there is work to be done in this world here, to make myself as this world a better place, which is the optimum point of importance.

I do not want to leave a world of shit for my children and their children to have to fix, I take self-responsibility here, to live a life of self-honesty, redesigning myself and the world around me to that which supports all life equally.

Never allow yourself to give up on life, to give up on building a better world here - because if we cant get it right here, don't expect it to magically go right in the afterlife.



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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 22 Oct 2017, 19:10

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... es-to.html

It is one of the most exciting things to achieve, because while it can difficult and uncomfortable for us to make certain changes in our life - once we are committed, we stick to our aim and when you stand at the point of transcendence of a limitation you previously had installed in your life it is the most exciting thing one can experience.

Because in my experience it is in these moments where I am self-honest, where I test myself, push myself, shock myself, that is when i realise that I am stronger then I imagined, that harmonical change really is possible in my inner and outer world, in my day to day life, because I have just shown myself in my actions that there are no limitations other then what I make for myself.

This realisation makes me confident about my own and humanities collective potential to build a world that truly is actually best for all life here, right here on our one planet, a reality of beauty and dignity forged with our hands - not in the deceptive, selfish and imaginary realms of the pre-programmed hereafter.

Yet as I mentioned at the top there is always uncomfortability manifested as fear that comes with the initial decision to make changes to anything in our life, and then there is more fear at the physical uncomfortability that I will have to endure to make the necessary beneficial change to my conduct.


Then there is more fear about whether or not I can maintain the change that I have endured and created, and of course within this the only way to know in my experience is how well I am breathing, how self-honest am I actually being? Are there still thoughts coming up all the time? Because if they are then I always know there is much more investigation and work to do.

I know when there are still thoughts with regards to any point of change and when there are a reduction of thoughts and when there are truly none -

when there are none that continue to come up then I know I have been effective, that my transcendence of the limitation is complete.

That is not to say that the point of limitation will not come up again in the future at some point, but even if it does, it will have no control over me, I will be able to immediately align myself here, so then I will be able to interact with the point without any fresh addictions, desires and fears coming up.

I have pushed myself a lot in recent weeks with regards to living in a new house, building a new home which is always a beautiful analogy for what self-directed change is all about - building stronger, more stable houses within ourselves.

There have been fears though, which I must walk out to make sure that I maximise my potential within living in my new home - so join me next week as I continue on my journey to life.



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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 29 Oct 2017, 21:10

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... es-to.html

Always there are new horizons, new expansions to our learning capacity, new limitations that must be stood equal to and removed, then through removing these limitations I increase and maximise my potential in anything that I do.

Nothing is more exciting in life then the fruits that come from transcending a previously held definition, or point of separation, a pre-program that was slowing me down, isolating and abusing me and everyone around me within and as the ego.

This is the rewards of Self-honesty, it is the enjoyment, the stability and state of bliss that occur from a consistent commitment to beneficial change, the physical elasticity and free flowing of movement that comes from consistently not allowing the pre-programmed mind to determine our decision making.

Nothing is more beautiful in life then showing ourselves that we are stronger then we ever imagined, so much stronger then the egotistical chatter in our heads would suggest-

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing where I live, I realise that this fear comes from defining myself according to the previous place I was living as if I am removing a piece of myself if I move.Yet within this I have seen how stupid this fear is since I have completed a move recently - what did I notice? I realised and saw that am still breathing, that I have not lost any part of me as imagined in my ego prior to the move, because it makes no difference what house I am living in, any house that can provide.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe that fear always paints a grim picture in my mind to deceive me, that I will "not be able to breathe" without this or that - how will I manage without this or that? Etc. When I stand as Self-honesty here, it always shows me that these ideas from the fear based ego are not true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would lose a part of myself through moving house, because as I have seen this fear was false, and was simply something my ego was throwing up as a defence mechanism to not move - I always notice that with fear, it keeps me stuck, not moving while time is moving fear keeps us unmoving like statues in a world where physical movement is needed to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who always must live with animals, because while I have multiple hotel stays in different countries on my own at different points, I have only ever actually lived with animals with a family member or friends at any point in my life. I realise this definition only serves to limit me and does not assist me in living what is best for all life, so I walk to remove this self-definition from my life and align my resonance to a new expansion of my living capacity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt if I am capable of living completely on my own in my own house for a prolonged period of time - It is only me and my plant in a large house, and even then I have noticed my ego trying to almost desperately call out to various different people to "join me" from this fear based doubt of my capability to keep on top of looking after this whole house by myself continually and not having any animals or humans in my home.

I realise that I am capable of living on my own just the same as living with other people, I am not more or less regardless of this - however within this building comfortability of being on my own daily in my living space, I of course must be aware and careful that I do not allow a pre-program of Isolation and Self -Isolation to start trapping me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with desperate thoughts at times since I have moved, to get random people to come round my house - I realise that interacting with people is cool and always important to getting things done more effectively because two hands are always better then one, but doing so from a starting point of desperation in relation to my living accommodation trying to fill a void of silence in my house, a silence that I have reacted to and is actually nothing but separation which is thus not real and thus is pointless to accept within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that It is within living what is best for all life, that one creates multiple beneficial interactions and effective new relationships in life - yet living what is best for all is never done form a starting point of desperation, which is always self-interest. For instance I started leaving food out for birds from the first day I moved in, as an action that supports all life and now there are already new bird friends who are coming to say hello to me everyday :) so I take self-responsibility to make sure that I do not participate with any thoughts based in desperation to have company, but rather create company from actions that show all life that I can be trusted with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the silence of living on your own, because while I have never had a problem living on my own for a week or two in this hotel or that persons house etc - I have now been on my own in my new property for over two weeks now, and I have noticed my mind having backchat about the silence of not hearing other people speak in my house, no animal noises.

I realise that this reaction to the silence does not assist me at all, because silence is what it is, and assists me in many ways to focus on what I'm doing, which perhaps is why my ego has been reacting to the silence, because silence afford us the opportunity to slow down and look at exactly what we are doing within ourselves and our surroundings.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate myself as the ego, to try and create noise, the bustle of people in my new home as a means of trying to avoid effective introspection, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that there are no limits on my living accommodation other then I what I allow to be imposed in my mind - because ultimately if a property gives me a roof over my head and allows me to live in dignity then that is all that matter with anywhere I find myself anywhere in this physical existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my own potential through feeding into this fear of changing living accommodation - I realise that I must be continually stable as breathe regarding the property I live at, which enables me to maximise my common sense decision making and thus increase my ability to live in a wider variety of scenarios.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to not allowing myself to participate I within nay fear based thoughts with regards to living in my new home, I realise that these thoughts only serve to strengthen the ego, limiting my own potential and keeping in a cycle of separation, so as and when I see my mind having fears about living in my new home, I stop and breathe, this is where I bring myself back here, keep myself aligned to physical reality where I can apply common sense, learn effectively and maximise my living potential.

I commit myself to living the realisation that no matter where I find myself on this planet, if I am with people, with animals, with people and animals or on my own, I am no more diminished or enhanced in any scenario, I am me as this breathe of life as my specific resonant signature - so as long as a building gives me a roof over my head and a life of dignity, then I have everything I need to live a life that is best for all.



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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 05 Nov 2017, 19:48

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... dless.html

Isolating myself, something I am so familiar with, it is like a "safe place" in my mind where I am in control of everything, where I am alone with only the solitude of my thoughts, why do these thoughts endlessly come up?

Its amazing that when i push and do not angage with these self-isolating thoughts that I am very effective working with others in group situations. When I am here stable as breathe, I am aware of what's going on around me and I stand as a conduit for common sense and beneficial change.

But why is it so easy to just exist as these pre-programmed thought patterns and nothing else? Why do I feel incapable of being honest with myself so often? I see that within this self-isolation is the thoughts in my head which are the endless conspiracy of my life.

People know my name in connection with conspiracies, and what are conspiracies without self-responsibility? Nothing but endless knowledge and information spewing out in an eternal cycle. Sure a lot of the conspiracies I talk about do happen, It is not a joke and its amazing how that one point of it not being a joke has had such a profound effect on me.

When I am on my own, my sadness becomes me, and I have for a long time been in love with the self-imprisonment of isolating myself with in and as this sadness, defining myself according to it within groups you could say, a sad story where death never seems to be far away.


A breath away and we die, that's it - you are born alone and you die alone. Amazing how I have allowed that one truth to cause havoc in my mind, to so often just go through the motions awaiting the next death to mourn.

Its like when i trap myself within and as these thoughts, I cannot sleep at normal times,every night sleeping before 3am is a serious difficulty.

Its almost like I am unable to wear any clothing colour then black, my car is black, the bird that visits me the most often is black, my dog is black, it serves as reminder to me that death is an endless reality everyday for so many and our final day is always certain, often unknown, but always certain to occur, I don't give a fuck who you are and what you claim your special ability is - You will die.

This causes an apathetic outlook within me when I see that people don't realise that death is all around us, it permeates everyone's lives, why do so many people still not give a fuck about the fact that we live in a world where the most innocent seem to die most often?


I see as this self-isolation, how its so easy to just get high, drink beer, listen to "deep music" and look into all the endless conspiracies that get sent my way, some true and some not. Its amazing how the intelligence agencies around the world majority of the time they don't know themselves what is real and what is not, because of how much disinformation is mixed in with real information from department to department in one agency! Like a compartmentalised fragmented mind, trying to hide things from one another, a mind that doesn't know what one part knows from another - cells in friction.

I have realised that I am fucked and to fix myself is always the most difficult thing to do - its so easy to direct someone else to improve - I can do that in my martial arts gym, I can do that online with some "profound statement", I can do that at work, with friends and family - but always directing myself here in self-honesty is the hardest thing.

To really be honest with myself about what I'm actually allowing myself to live as, is this really worth this time? Or is this really just all a waste of time?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Isolate myself within the familiar comforts of my own thoughts, the patterns that have followed me, as me for so long in many cases. I realise that for everyday I hold onto these thought patterns is another day I have to walk to extend my process unnecessarily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and define isolation of myself as my "safe place" which I realise is just my ego trying to hide my power from myself, so that I stick to the familiar pattern of fearing interaction within the group.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here breathe, that the reason why this self-isolation seems so comfortable, is because it requires no direction of myself, no effort, it just runs on auto pilot because I'm brainwashed to do that by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consistent interaction in group settings, where my interaction is limited to spurts of dialogue with people, in between the weeks, months, years of inactivity as this self-isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being recorded, to fear being photographed, to fear being watched by other people.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that when I keep myself here stable as this breathe, I apply common sense and I see how effective I am at directing myself and others around me to whats best for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how effective I am when I consistently stable as breathe here, which is then where as the ego I will look for an excuse to get lost in my thoughts, usually accompanied by weed or alcohol or both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have more then a few months off weed or alcohol for years, using them as crutches for my fears and doorways to the conspiracy of my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use weed and alcohol as consistent doorways for the conspiracy of my thoughts to continue in the solitude of my own space.

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as a "conspiracy guy" which again is where I justify isolating myself because of fearing when I meet someone new - do they know the shit I talk about online? When they find out that will fuck off, so best not to interact with them too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people finding out about some of the things i talk about, some of the things me and my family have been through and to then be scared to be around me, so I justify limiting my interaction with majority of people from day one.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define real conspiracies as such a "serious matter" and when I see so many people not taking them seriously, then again it is a justification to feed into this self-isolation.


I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to justify isolating myself to avoid "complications" with people, yet I have realised that I cannot control what others think of me, or anything in this world, so these fears make no sense, locking myself in a room, limiting my interaction to work related matters, or looking after my mum, my dogs, random birds, sticking up for poor people, occasionally one or two friends - but rarely more then that, I mean shit, for someone who writes so much I hardly say more then two words in a day outside of work talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sadness for so long, to perceive many events in my life to be a sad story, to define myself as sadness or the darkness which is behind this sadness. which of course feeds into this pattern of the isolation of myself - because we all know that it is when we are on our own is when the deepest of our sadness comes forth, where there is no hiding from what we have allowed.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that while it is very cool to be comfortable with being on my own because it it allows one an opportunity to look directly at our self with no hiding, it is not cool to be uncomfortable with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and desire death equally when I am existing as this self-isolation cycle - always such a fucking poet warrior samurai ready for his death day at any moment. Yet how much time have I actually wasted thinking about death? Way too fucking much, I mean while we all have considerations about death from time to time, there should not be a pattern of almost meditating on death, because this is only detrimental to me and everyone around me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed the truth that we are born alone and die alone as a justification to isolate myself from other people.

I forgive myself that as this self-isolation, I am always waiting for the next death to mourn, which considering how many people die everyday keeps me in a constant state of mourning, where I'm always one thought, one sad song away from crying silently to myself.

What am I doing while mourning these people? I am not moving, I am isolating myself away from reality here, wanting to join the greatest of us that always seem to die before everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be constantly confused and depressed about the fact that I have been in many dangerous situations in in my life and I am still alive - how am I still alive? That's what my backchat is always saying in my self-isolation - It is not fair that someone like me can be alive while a child, an animal or a plant can die of starvation or some random abuse at 1 years old or less for the most pointless and painfully short life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally find discomfort in wearing clothes that are not black.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to have my sunglasses on, because it helps me to isolate myself from others - nobody can see my eyes, nobody can connect with my eyes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consistently have a "naked experience" like I feel naked when I don't have black clothes on or sunglasses - when in reality when I just stick to breathing I see that this naked experience is not real at all just separation that I don't need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the reality of working on my own on certain projects as again a reason why spending the most time just with myself is "always better" - yet in reality even when I working on my own, it is always in the moments where I work with another that the project gets completed more effectively - amazing how the ego always thinks it does better on its own then with other people, when that couldn't be further from the truth.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define my life as a sad story, when in reality no matter how fucked up ones life is, or has been, in reality things are never as bad as my mind will try to tell me, I have my basics, and many luxuries also - the realisation that so many in this world do not have what I have is always a reality here showing me that my mind is fucking with me and I should not participate with the pre-programmed elements of my mind like this self-isolation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prolong my own journey to life here, through continually interacting with my own thoughts in my own space, where the endless conspiracy of my thought patterns become me so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what these thoughts really are, why are they really occurring, why does it feel so enjoyable to be by myself and limit my interactions with people?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am fucked beyond repair, that I will breakdown and die as the dysfunctional machine that I am.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that I am not as fucked beyond repair as I think, because the fact that it is a thought tells me that it is bullshit, because in reality as long as one has money in this world along with dedication then one always has the potential to change for the better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on "helping others" to change for the better, yet in reality - how can I actually show effective direction to a person in anything, if I am not accustomed to and experienced in directing anything in my own life? Not possible.

I commit myself to not allowing this self-isolation and everything that goes with it to continue to dominate my life - I am under no illusions this will be difficult to change, but only I can change this and because I have the tools and the comfort of money, I have no excuses to not get this done - so as and when I see my mind slipping into excuses to not interact with others, I stop and breathe, where I check myself and can use common sense about moments where I must push to interact. I continue to focus on this breathe not participating with these endless thoughts until they do not come up anymore.

I commit myself to finding a way no matter how many times I fall flat on my face, I will not allow this shit to limit and destroy my life anymore then it already has. I commit myself to living the realisation that I am only ever as isolated as I am allowing myself to be in any situation, it is never anybody else's fault why I am not interacting, and when I push myself, I am always effective at working in groups, so I must become accustomed to doing this consistently instead of these limited spurts I have been allowing.

I commit myself to living the realisation that If I am existing as a limited machine currently, then I am not really living life, meaning these patterns will have to die in order for me to be able to live life to the fullest of my potential here - hence my journey to life, not a journey I'm chasing over there somewhere, because I have been chasing, existing over there, and everywhere but consistently here.



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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 12 Nov 2017, 21:04

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... never.html

Fighting, for so long since my childhood as I grew into and as this mind consciousness system what I have known is fighting. Fighting within the family, fighting others, fighting myself, fighting society, creating situations and consequences of conflict.

This is what we are geared to understand growing up - how to fight. It is the basis of what capitalism is, because this is a pyramid designed energy based system, where the strongest survive, and any friction between two points creates the largest amounts of energy to maintain this system as ourselves.

I played a lot of computer games that were all about fighting, and my favourite cartoons and films all had fighting going on within them.

I have had training partners since a young age tell me I should have been a professional fighter and while I have had many fights in the gym and in my life in general, I have always had a resistance to being a professional fighter, self-doubts, and fears - What if I'm not good enough to be the best? And what long term damage could I do to someone? It's like being scared of what I could do to someone in a fight, how one confrontation with me could change their future so much, and vice versa when I eventually meet an opponent that will best me in the fight in every way.


I have never had an issue with standing up and defending myself when conflict is brought to me or my family or friends. But when you do engage in unarmed combat, there is always the potential for someone to be severely hurt or worse.

Martial arts is about honour and respect, but fighting no matter how you good you are at it, is the part you don't want to have to resort to - "I don't like fighting", that is what all the best professional fighters say, the ones that are caring people because they are more in touch the the martial arts then the fighting part - because it is the fighting part where you or your opponent could be very badly hurt, which can scar peoples lives for the duration of their time in this life.

With regards to combat you can say that the stable martial artists who lives whats best for all are like Jedi in Star Wars with regards to only ever acting in defence of something pure.

Where as Sith are like the ego of the fighter, the being that has no morals and will look to use their skills to dominate others, to create fights in every moment possible - it is the polarity of these two points, these two characters that go back and forth in all martial artists minds - do I feed into this darkness, this desire for dominance and combat? Or should I stick to the defence of that which is of worth fighting for in this world?


Many martial artists and fighters when they see how effective they are at utilising the techniques in real life situations will often immediately look to start a pro career. I fall into the other category, those of us who felt we have caused enough physical pain to people in real life fight situations, those of us who do not want to hurt anyone unless we are forced to do so, getting paid to feed into the fighting elements of martial arts such as with MMA for instance are thoughts I purposely suppressed in younger years.

Martial arts is about living a life of improvement, a life of alignment, a life of humility and service to life - the fighting part like in the world of MMA is about feeding into your self-interest, your Sith like prize fighter ego.

So I have learnt a lot about MMA in my life, because within training with professional fighters consistently at various points I have seen all the dangers that can occur in the world of professional fighting.


Amazing that as my body gets older, slower, not as effective as it was, my mind has been having these thoughts recently pretty consistently about competing professionally - I reacted to a training partners words recently but in a different way to how I did as a kid, as a kid I would try to always disagree with adults who said I should be a professional fighter and suppress thoughts about doing it.

I felt that my criminal activities in younger years would get worse if I was fighting people professionally as well, it was a fear that I would lose control in that Sith mindset and I was scared of how many people I could hurt.

But in my older years now I am a more stable being, so its like my ego wants to hold onto being a professional fighter, as a result of suppressing the thoughts and not releasing them effectively for years. Being a professional fighter is not suggested for anybody to start doing at the age of 30, and the way the sport of MMA is structured currently means you have to be fighting professionally for at least 2/3 years to be able to make enough money to do it as a full time profession.


I know fighters right now, some who are my friends, we sometimes train together, yet some will be struggling to pay the bills and I often will be making more money then many of them, from the self-employed/freelance and company work I have done in my life.

So how will these consistent thoughts to fight assist me? They will not, I have to accept it, my ego must accept that I missed the best years of my athleticism to become a professional fighter, my contribution to martial arts and this world is and can be done in many other ways.

Join me next time as I continue to discuss these regrets and walk the necessary corrections in my journey to life.



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Marley Dawkins
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Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 19 Nov 2017, 18:49

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... never.html

So continuing from my previous blog, I cannot allow these fighter regret thought patterns to keep me in separation of myself -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thought patterns where I question myself about why I have not pursued a professional fighting career.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to interact with and charge these thoughts as the emotion of regret, where I second guess every profession I do which is not fighting, as a consequential result keeping me in separation from physical reality.

I forgive myself for consistently getting annoyed at myself for not utilising my athletic talents in my youth to pursues a professional fighting career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to my body as it gets older and slower, compounding this experience of regret.


I forgive myself that I have not realised that as my physical body gets older and older, and because I have not yet dealt with these issues yet, I find that these thought patterns pulsate more and are more consistently, so I must take self-responsibility to not react to my body getting older, so stick to breathe and unravel this fighter regret thought pattern.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself, and to fear doing professional fighting myself, even though since around the age of 12 years old when I started training, I have had trainers and training partners tell me I am skilled enough for a pro career.

I forgive myself that I have held onto fears about what damage I can do to an opponent physically, and what damage they could potentially do to me also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to win fights and fear to lose them, without realising that this desire and fear is what feeds this system of capitalism as the ego globally.


I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be integrated into and as a being of competition, as a capitalistic energy machine, where there is no self-expressive movement that is best for all, but only the pre-programmed vicious and self-interested pursuit to be the winner and destroy all opposition.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hold onto memories of watching endless hours of fighting in cartoons, films and games growing up - I realise now that this is where the seed of polarity as the light and the dark friction in relation to fighting developed, manifested as a characterisation of the " the sith vs the jedi" where I am in separation of myself, internally battling in thoughts what path of combat my life should take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create two personalities as this "sith vs jedi" polarity friction in my mind, where when I am angry about something I can seem like a Sith in many scenarios looking to start conflict with another, yet when I am in a seemingly "stable/happy" place in my life, I become the Jedi only engaging in combat when life is being attacked in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to dominate and destroy people with my fighting skills as this dark lord, I have realised in my life that this desire only causes pain to me and others in a variety of ways, therefore this sithlord in my mind must be beheaded.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to defend life with my fighting skills, as this poet warrior jedi character I have realised that this desire is counter intuitive, because taking care of life is no energetic game based on how I feel, based on any type of friction, it is a physical commitment here that I walk as, where my starting point is clear and self-honest.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself for not pursuing a professional fighting career.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a "failed fighter" as this regret.


I forgive myself for believing in my youth that me competing professionally would be dangerous for me and my opponents psychologically and psychically, because all my training was based on my annoyance with my life, annoyance at the world and a desire to dominate people.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be gentle with myself, always fighting with myself, because in reality while I had the all the skills as a youngster, psychologically I was not ready, there was too much aggression and emotion in me in my younger years, so it is very likely that I would have become a destructive type of fighter and influence in this world, because just in my day to day life in younger years hurting people was a common thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this regret I experience does not factor this in, does not support me in anyway, and misses the point that my contribution to martial arts in this world does not have to be in the ring.

I forgive myself that I have not realised until recently that, teaching the world about the importance of martial arts, giving youth the psychological direction in martial arts that I missed growing up, to share my knowledge of various martial arts, to possibly even be a trainer for a future champion is something which is now a passion of mine that is a worthwhile one in this world.


I commit myself to not allowing these thoughts of regret to affect my life, to influence my decision making, so as and when I see my mind having thoughts questioning why I'm not fighting, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to interact with these thoughts, as in self-honesty there is no benefit to mine or anyone else's life to allowing these thoughts to cycle round - so I breathe and continue to breathe until these thoughts do not come up anymore.

I commit myself to living the realisation that while martial arts is great for discipline, honour, respect and the ability to defend oneself, yet as my life has shown, without the correct psychological support martial arts can also be dangerous in feeding into a persons aggression.

I commit myself to providing psychological support to martial artists in this world, because with great power comes great responsibility, so a stable mind in tandem with martial arts training forges powerful humans in this world, full of self-will, confidence and fearlessness to speak up for what matters.




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