Marleys Journey To Life

Place your Blogs Here
User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 19 Mar 2017, 21:06

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-2.html

So impatience seeing projects in our lives come to fruition, is something that we all have dealt with, its not a cool curse to put upon oneself, and if you have faced this issue yourself or are dealing with it now, then maybe this blog will assist you.

So lets walk -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consistently impatient about a project that benefits all life coming to fruition - I realise that this impatience does not support me in "speeding up" the process as I have believed it does in my mind, and actually goes against how physical reality works.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that making beneficial changes to anything in physical reality is based on muscle memory, on developing this muscle through the living of the knowledge, breathe by breathe, that can only move as quickly as our individual and collective natural learning ability speed allows.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe, that just like building Rome which took over 300 years - current systems take decades, centuries, aeons of time to be changed, just as new systems, new principles, civilisations and ways of living take decades, centuries, aeons of time to develop.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that this impatience I experience is actually limiting my progression, limiting the development, literally elongating the process, because when one is trying to rush, one only ends up missing points, making mistakes, not aligning the foundation of things, and the project has to be started again and thus takes longer to be made reality through impatience and rushing. Just like an petulant child having a tantrum with an experienced and stable parent - this impatience will not get you what you want any sooner, and will in fact prolong what you want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to see these beneficial changes come to fruition so much, that this desire possess me and I obsess and will make self-interested and selfish manipulative means to try and "cut corners" to get to seeing the fruits -

I realise that this desire possession will only end up tainting the fruits of the labour, which is not acceptable, so I take self-responsibility to make sure that the desire for a better world does not consume me, does not become me, and thus will not drive my decision making - my decision making must be based on practicality and common sense, which can only be achieved through consistently breathing and interacting here in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that because the path I walk is noble, because the projects I work on in my life are to the benefit of all life, that I must see the end results of my efforts on a global scale before I die - I realise that this belief is not based on physical reality, because as Rome shows, the original creators of that civilisation did not live to see the end results of the peak of the power of Rome.

So I must walk regardless, not thinking about seeing the end results, but simply keep moving, living the blueprint, setting the example that empowers the next generation to complete the first waves work so to speak, because the end result will come to fruition when it is ready to come to fruition, whether that is in my lifetime, my sons lifetime, or his children's lifetime I cannot control that, because as I mentioned earlier muscle memory only develops as quickly as our learning ability allows.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to expect more from myself all the time, which while this can be a motivator to keep pushing, which is important, however this can also be detrimental if the ego is expecting too much, which is anything more then what is practically achievable physiologically breathe by breathe. I must make sure that what I expect of myself moment to moment in any project, is within the laws of practicality and common sense.

I forgive myself that i accept and allow myself to exist as the ego within being impatient to see the end results of a project. I realise that this ego selfishly wants results in an instant, the same way the ego can imagine, desire or fear anything in an instant - as we have exposed over and over again, physical reality is based of building brick by brick, there is no instantaneous beneficial outcomes that can be made to anything - a beneficial outcome is always a process of common sense based decisions.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as and feed into impatience within myself, so as and when I see this impatience coming up in any moment in relation to completing a project, I stop and breathe - I do not allow myself to engage this impatience, I realise that this impatience is a trap of the ego that limits me, and makes the blooming of the fruits of my labour more difficult to achieve, which is not acceptable, so I breathe and continue to breathe until there is no more impatience that exists, and the solidifying trustworthy foundation of a project in myself will be certain.

I commit myself to living the realisation that there is no shortcut cheat to creating the best outcome of anything - shortcuts create unsustainable outcomes - sustainable change only happens according to developing our muscle memory practically, step by step here.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 26 Mar 2017, 21:32

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... on-me.html

Have you ever spent prolonged periods of time wondering why you seem to have "bad luck" in certain undertakings? Then you begin believing that some sort of conspiracy in life is being done to you to make these undertakings "impossible" for you?

Its like this self-definition starts to build up over years through believing these concepts, where you literally think that it is raining just on you all the time, and apparently "much harder" then it does on most people, you know like that song by Travis :)

I know this because I have had this concept in my mind since I was in my teenage years, and only through what I have learnt in life, from some amazing people and my own physical experiences, have I realised that this concept is not real.

I focused on transcending this point years ago, however just recently I have noticed a few situations where my mind has begun reacting to certain events in my life, and this "why does it always rain on me concept" has started rearing its head again.

Anything that comes back up within us is a sure sign that our application on the point has not been effective, and that far more self-investigation, self -forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing in consistent self-honesty is needed.

So to you give you some context - just recently one of my dogs has become very ill as the ravages of age catch up with him, my mother is becoming more ill, my son is being brainwashed by those i do not trust, haters popping out of the woodwork consistently, computers getting hacked, and work has been seemingly consuming 99% of my life.

I have allowed my mind to react to all of these factors, and then allow this concept that "everything is conspiring against me" to creep into my conscious thought. which of course does not support me or anyone else in living what is best for all life.

Its like allowing yourself to be deflated by your own life, dis empowered by events within your life, literally like being personally offended by your own life, when really your life is the same as anyone elses' here, it has the same parameters as every living being.

But you will notice that the more you feed into this "everything is raining on me" concept, then the more you will limit yourself, and live inconsistencies, misalignments and failures into your life, which in your mind will apparently "validate" how unfair things are for you, because when you look for failure, and disappointment, it will always surely find you, same if you focus on positivity funnily enough - because bringing polarity friction into anything always creates messed up outcomes.

Some people say that they just have more "bad luck" then others, when in reality, "bad luck" just like "good luck" is an illusion which does not exist - created by humans to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions, because it can always be chalked off to "bad or good luck".

So within this "its always raining on me" concept you will not see that your are actually designing these things into being by defining yourself according to them, by expecting things to work against you all the time, and fearing/doubting that your efforts mean nothing because of this - you will also look for excuses and any indicator that can validate that "things really are working against you" in a "me against the world" type of stance within oneself, which is a recipe for discord and war instead of improving the world.

In my experience expectations to fail or succeed in anything are always misguided, because what we expect is irrelevant, all that really matters is we do our best, give our full attention and effort to completing what we need to in our days without any expectations of the outcome - I can only ever direct my own input, nothing more.

So in reality there is no rain cloud which apparently follows you in your life no matter how strangely "against you" things can be. I mean if you have your basics, and your ability to expand in various undertakings in life, then what conspiracy is really working against you?

There are Billions in this world that still really are having the world literally conspiring against them - these people cant even eat, have safe housing and healthcare in peace, they are our brothers and sisters that need our help in every moment.


So we must be strong and resolute, for the battles ahead in building a better world for all of us, and it starts with us on an individual level -

We are the Kings and Queens of the future, of a brave new world, so we have no time to believe and define our life as having "forces working against us" we all have failure and success in our lives everyday, highs and lows. and when we take self-responsibility in self-honesty, we will not hold onto these moments in our minds unnecessarily.

So if you have had issues with believing their is a "constant conspiracy" against your life, if you think "bad luck" just follows you, if you define your life as being "cursed" and constantly "under the rain clouds" then now you know that is not the case, because everyone has days or periods of life that seem unfair or against us, so it is never specific and exclusive to only you. So you should join me in my next bog as I continue to investigate and pull apart this problem in my journey to life.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 02 Apr 2017, 20:01

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... on-me.html

So have you been thinking a lot that everything is raining on you all the time? Even if there are forces trying to conspire and make it rain on you, it is pivotal that we do not let the rain settle in our minds, we cannot allow the concept of things working against us to control our actions.

I will not settle for anyone or anything trying to control my actions, so this is where we walk to redesign our mind to suit what is best for all -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything is working against me all the time - this believe manifests as an experience of consistent sadness, feeling alone all the time, of expected failures and expected conspiring attempts of others to make this failure happen. I realise that no matter who is doing what to me in my life, whether I allow it to effect my mind is my own doing, and within believing that there are forces trying to stop me all the time, I limit my ability to learn, interact and expand in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this "raining on me" experience is responsible for making things "impossible" for me to complete, because of some imaginary "bad luck" which is apparently "out of my control". I realise that this "raining on me" experience literally creates "bad luck" as negative outcomes, through an apathetic acceptance that things just won't work out from the start.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that "Bad" or "Good" luck do not exist, as essentially we are always responsible for creating our own luck but the concept of certain people having bad or good luck, is just a way to avoiding taking responsibility for ones own actions which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within existing mentally as this "raining on me experience" my mind is automatically looking for things to validate the conspiracy against me in a state of paranoia and blame, reacting to anything this character perceives to be working against it in a defence mechanism.


I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react to various issues in my life like with my dogs, my mother, my son, haters, or work as apparent "validation points" for the fact that things are raining on me all the time, that there are those that are conspiring against me, and why I should just keep feeding into the idea that "everything is against me" which is not acceptable because this concept and belief does not assist me to complete anything effectively in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dis-empowered by bad events in my life, instead of empowering myself within theses events, where I literally take my life personally, and limit my own capacity in anything I'm doing - when in reality my life has the exact parameters as anyone else, meaning through education, caring, commitment and attention to detail anything can be achieved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect failure in anything based on this "raining on me" experience, when in reality expectations are meaningless in anything, because all I can control is how much effort I put into something, the outcome is irrelevant really, but as long as I show what was needed to be done in my conduct and interactions then that is all that matters.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that any projects that I have completed successfully in my life has been when I focus on breathing, where I can apply common sense, maximise my potential and complete the task at hand without any allowance for distraction by this "raining on me" concept, so it is clear that this concept is not needed to be maintained in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being cursed.

I forgive myself that from this "raining on me" experience I have built an offshoot idea that it is always "me against the world" which is a recipe for conflict and war, not improving the world, so I stop this now.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within this "raining on me" experience, I am completely separated from physical reality, and i am actually trapped within self-interest, thinking that there are special rules for me then other people, which is not true.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be defined according to this "raining on me experience" through years adding layers, where I have accepted this pre-programming for so long that it has become who I am, which I am not willing to allow to continue, so I take self-responsibility to redesign myself without this self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when I was younger in life, and I first experienced this "raining on me experience" in my mind. I remember standing in hospital watching my mother bleeding everywhere and doctors and nurses rushing around her - my mind was a whirlwind of fears and emotions. I wondered why am I on my own? Where is my father? Where is my family? Why is this happening to my mother? Why is all this happening to me? Then i decided here that I must be a bad person with bad luck, because this must be the reason this is all happening in my life, so I can see that this is where this "raining on me" experience first originated.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe in my life, that the reason this "raining on me" experience has compounded in my life, is because of holding onto this experience I had as a child, which imprinted on me and was the origin of this "raining on me" experience.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments of breathe, that their are many in the world such as starving people, that really do have it raining on them all the time, and their really is a conspiracy against them to destroy them. So if their is a conspiracy against me of any sorts, then at least I still have my basics, my luxuries, my ability to move around different groups etc. I realise that as long as I have my basics in my life, then i have no reason to see things being against me.


I commit myself to not allowing myself to feed into this "always raining on me" experience, so as and when I see my mind having thoughts centralising on believing things are working against me, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to feed into these thought constructs, as I realise that I will only entrap myself, feed into separation and limit myself through participation, so I breathe and continue to do so until these kind of thoughts do not come up anymore.

I commit myself to living the realisation that no matter what anyone is doing to make my life more difficult, I am always responsible for my own mind, and through learning to maintain stability in the worst of situations,or situations being made more difficult by others, I am empowering myself to maximise my potential and power in anything I do.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to justify this "raining on me" experience through reacting to bad events in my life. I realise that good and bad things happen to people all the time, so I take self-responsibility to not take these events personally. So as and when thoughts come up trying to justify that things are "raining on me" I stop and breathe, I realise that my mind is trying to over dramatise the situation and defend this "raining on me concept" so I continue to suffocate this concept by breathing and continuing to breathe no matter what until I have transcended this limitation of myself.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 09 Apr 2017, 20:09

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... ogies.html

Manners are an interesting concept aren't they? Its an idea that when someone does something for you, even if you asked them to or not, you are supposed to thank them, or when you first meet someone you must be as polite as possible, or when you make a mistake you must immediately say sorry and apparently plead for the forgiveness of another.

These things according to the dictionary are supposed be a way of showing respect to another and being considerate to another, which makes sense from a certain perspective, although even then I notice animals for instance do not care if I am polite in my speech when I feed them, play with them, wash them, cuddle them or walk them, they just want to know they are supported.

But it is the second dictionary definition that humanity has a problem with - "relating to people who regard themselves as more cultured and refined then others."

Now this is a problem, because this is where the ego gets involved here, where an idea is forged that those who are polite are "better people" then those who are not polite. In England this problem is more pronounced then in most countries, but still it is endorsed in many other countries.


Now when you look at the Royal Family for instance, you can literally see the deception of this concept - because they are considered to be more polite then anyone else, and many of them are easily personally offended when someone is "not polite enough" to them.

There are numerous accounts throughout history of certain Royals abusing and killing people who are "not polite enough" to them according to their fucked up concept of reality. So in reality these people use manners as a trap for other people, a pretence of being "respectful", when behind your polite speech, is a myriad of psychotic behaviour and no matter how hard you try you cannot hide this.

In life i find that being yourself is always best, having one face, not searching for the respect of others with certain words, but gaining it through actions, instead of trying to manipulate and deceive people into believing that you are a "better class" of person by using manners.

But remember that sometimes you must play the politeness game in this capitalist system, like at work with bosses, or meeting psychotic Royals, or you will face the consequences of personally offending someone deeply and being fired or attacked.


Just recently for instance I offended someone by not being polite, and when I look at myself within this, I have noticed that I have long had a tendency to ignore being polite, where I am sometimes attempting to offend a person if I know they place a lot of value on manners, where I try to show the person that politeness and being a caring person have nothing to do with each other.

However, within this I often judge a person as ignorant that gets offended by a lack of manners in others, and my communication with that person after that will be compromised. I also realise that premeditating and attempting to offend anyone in life just to teach them something is not supportive for the most part, even if the point you are making to the person is true.

Because gently planting a seed always has a far greater impact then forcing my point across, especially with new people we meet in life we must always be careful and gentle. Obviously with family and friends, sometimes we have more need to be forceful if there is continual abuse we see.

So I must get more adept at understanding and stopping my reactions in relation to manners, so join me next time as I continue this point.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 16 Apr 2017, 20:45

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... -look.html

So continuing from my last blog, we look closer at the concept of manners.

While the reality of a person is not known based on their level of manners, if you have been judging manners and polite people for sometime, then maybe you will find support in this blog.

Because remember, just because you do not focus on manners yourself, some people do, and you will create conflict with that person if you do not play the manners game at times, and especially if you judge them for their manners, so walk with me -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who get offended by a lack of polite speech and manners in myself and others to be ignorant - I realise that while the concept of being polite and having manners is something that is predominantly based in separation, so to is the act of judging those who react to my words.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to disregard manners in certain situations, even when I know it will offend some, where I will ignore offering polite speech purposely to offend, which is not acceptable as it only serves to create conflict with others, which will not support me or anyone else in my life.


I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that i should never require to be what is defined as rude or polite to anybody, it is always best to be myself, but at the same time I must always be aware of my surroundings, and participate in some polite speech if it will keep the peace in the situation with others.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that while there is a clear difference between being polite and being a caring person, taking on the role myself to "explain an teach" this to the person is unnecessary if they are a reactive person - I must be aware enough in these situations to realise that planting a seed gently is of the utmost importance, and everyone is ready to self-realise these things in their own time in their process.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that when I judge someone as ignorant for being offended by a lack of polite words - I have been in their shoes before growing up, where I have reacted to someone having a lack of manners, so therefore it makes no sense for me to judge people for something that I have done myself in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that once I have offended someone with a lack of manners, and once I have been offended by them being offended, then our communication is compromised from that point on, and their is no support for either which makes no sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is ok to disregard all manners, because certain people in the world like people within the royal family, use manners and a system of "graded etiquette" to hide their truce face, to make people believe they are a "better standard" of person, when really they are the worst standard of people.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that my pattern of behaviour where I try to offend polite people with direct speech, is a consequence of resisting a part of British nationality as manners. I realise that I cannot change my nationality, no matter how much i try to disregard the parts that don't make sense to me - I am who I am regardless, and i cannot change what others wish to participate in, i can only change myself, and only if possible attempt to support others to see the same - but this is done through seed planting, which is much different to direct speech here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to automatically assume and believe that because someone is being very polite, then they must apparently be hiding, thinking they are better then others and looking to cause harm - when in reality while some in world do use manners for this purpose, most simply do it as a way to show respect which they were taught from a young age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I must take responsibility to pull out "the evil" this person is hiding about themselves with manners - I realise that this results in unnecessary conflicts, because it is not my responsibility to show anyone their own shit, I can only live my own example, and being polite with a person, so that I can plant a seed later makes more sense then denying their manners from the start.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to purposely disregard manners to purposely offend in certain situations - so as and when I see my mind reacting to the polite speech and manners of another, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage with the thoughts that come up, as I realise that by doing so would likely cause a situation of uncomfortably and friction within the other person and the situation, as well as keeping me in a time loop. So I breathe and continue to do so, until no more thoughts come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that while manners are used by some to deceive and manipulate, there are those who simply are being polite to show respect, and as such it is not my responsibility to show them directly here that they must stop all politeness, because in reality politeness can be a sign of respect, and planting a seed of what it takes to be a caring person can come later.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 23 Apr 2017, 20:16

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... sleep.html

So sleep is something we all do, whether you enjoy sleeping or not, we all require it naturally, as a form of stasis where the immune, nervous, skeletal and muscular systems recuperate. This also comes with the added benefit of recharging neurons, and helping proliferate brain cell growth.

Once we are asleep we begin to flow between NREM (Non rapid eye movement sleep), and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). Dreams and Nightmares happen during REM sleep, while NREM is considered to be the deepest part of sleep, where no eye movements or muscle paralysis occur.

Then what is encompassed in our unconscious mind can come through during sleep, where certain unresolved long standing issues we are dealing with in our life can determine what type of dreams/nightmares we have. As many other people experience I haven't had a dream in a long time, and there is plenty of chemicals and technology that can affect what a person will or will not experience when they go to sleep, which we will cover further in future posts.

But what can help us get to sleep easier? And what can stop us from getting to sleep in the first place? Well there are many things, again many chemicals and technology can affect how easily you can get to sleep. But what I want to focus on within this post, is the effects of things we cause ourselves,

meaning our own thoughts.

I have always been a night owl, where going to bed at 2 am is considered an early night for me, many have called me an insomniac, and while there are often many work related factors as to why I sleep so late, but sometimes it is because of cycling through thoughts, as well as just disregarding and almost avoiding sleep.

I wired myself years ago to be completely comfortable just having 4-6 hours of sleep every night. But in more recent times I have been struggling to get to sleep more consistently, and when I get to sleep I don't want to wake up.

Sleep deprivation is a serious problem, and if you do your research you can find our about all of the side effects of not sleeping. Many Scientists and Governments around the world have documented and disclosed information about the serious effects of sleep deprivation.


I have found that as more responsibility has grown in my life, as I have aged, I have built more stress, more things to take care of, more people to look after, and 24 hours in a day seems to be more crammed.

I mean i don't get physically tired easily in the first place, but then when you add in too much thinking, then its obvious why I have been struggling to sleep.

But I am not willing to continue to allow thoughts in my head to dictate when I sleep, so I am in the process of learning to change my mind in relation to sleep, to support my body through making sure I maximise my sleep and I give myself 4-6+ hours every night comfortably.

So if you have also been having sleep issues, then join me next week as I continue to explore this and change what I can here, to be whats best for all.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 30 Apr 2017, 20:41

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-2.html

So continuing from last week - are you struggling to sleep often? A pattern of not being able to sleep easily for years? Well I understand this very well, better then most as I myself have had sleep issues for a long time now, and within this blog i am walking solutions that I can implement to improve my sleep habits.

Now as I mentioned in my last blog, there are certain technologies and chemicals that can cause a person to stay awake or go to sleep for a varied length of time.

Let me give you a few examples - there are many variations of different frequencies that can be aimed at a person or groups of people to effect their mind and physical physical body from a long distance.

There is certain advanced Isochronic Tone amplifiers that exist for instance, which is a proven form of brainwave entrainment - this technology can be used to assist a person by helping improve focus, stress reduction, motivation and study optimisation - but this technology like most technology ever created has been abused by the usual illuminated suspects.


Other technology you can look into that has been proven to have a variety of applications, including effecting sleep patterns in a person is - Remote Neural Monitoring, which was developed by the NSA some time ago as a way of tracking peoples thoughts, as well as implanting thoughts and a whole host of other applications.

If we look at chemicals I mean we really don't need to say anything at all, because it is pretty much common knowledge that there are thousands of chemicals which can be used to effect peoples sleep patterns positively or negatively.

But one of the most powerful ways of all that effects my sleep patterns the most, is my own thought patterns that run through my head at night.

As the ego, I have judged sleeping as a form of weakness for a longtime to start with, that I am in a "vulnerable state" when i am sleeping, and the whole concept of writing sleeping off as something I will do when I die.


Also even though I have not had any dreams for nearly a decade, there is a fear of what I may experience if I am asleep, that something bad can be done to me while I am in this "vulnerable state" of REM/NREM sleep phases. It's almost like I created my own insomnia in my life in relation to sleep, through these concepts alone keeping me in separation from physical reality.

So as a result of this I resist any tiredness that comes up intently, where I have effectively brainwashed myself to not accept any physical tiredness that comes up, where I want to feel like "I am in control" of when I sleep, not this tiredness "trying to consume me now" or anyone else wanting me to go to sleep.

When in reality as I mentioned in my previous post, sleep is something that is a requirement for everyone, and is beneficial for general recuperation of the mind and body - so having all these resistances, and fears of sleeping will obviously only have negative mental and physical health effects on me, it only makes getting to sleep more difficult, and actually getting into deep sleep even more so.

Having a short temper, tiredness during the day at random moments, headaches, nausea, losing focus

easily while working on tasks, and making mistakes are common minor side effects of not getting enough sleep.

Then also this is something I learnt years ago when I was around 8 years old, I remember my mother was in hospital and I was staying with my granddad. After he had had a long deep ranting chat about something to do with Science, the Occult, History or Aliens which were his usual favourite topics - when I started going to sleep that night and nights after that, I just started worrying about everything in my life a lot.

I would worry about my mother being seriously ill in hospital, the crazy things my granddad would talk about, wondering where my father and grandmother are, wondering why they don't want to see me, worrying about the future, thinking that my family will cease to be, so I must stay up like the adults for as long as possible, because I must take the responsibility of an adult now.


I have noticed that as more responsibility has grown into my life, more points to deal with and the constant knowledge of knowing that more people rely on me then ever before, has added to the spiralling thoughts that keep me awake at night.

Then I have routinely been trying to distract myself from these stressful thoughts before sleeping by focusing on some form of distractions from these thoughts like computer games, or sexuality - where I am playing games or having sex with a female friend for hours into the night, or I'm sexting and masturbating with some female friend that I have had sex with before.

Every woman I have had sex with in my life, has usually been incredibly tired the next day just from how much energy I had late at night, while they were getting really tired. Then understandably this is not a process that many women can keep up with, as they usually just feel tired all the time from my crazy sleep patterns.

So all these things are an issue, all of the things happening in my mind in relation to sleep is not necessary, i must learn to make my sleep patterns more practical, to not be trapped in a cycle of shit in my mind keeping me from having supportive sleep patterns -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of avoiding sleeping, through judging sleeping and the act of "submitting to being tired" as something that is a sign of apparent "weakness" in a person as the ego. However, even though I do not tire easily, I realise that avoiding sleeping if I am psychically tired is just me allowing my ego to dictate to me when to sleep, as if I am apparently "stronger" if I always push through the tiredness that comes up which is bullshit, and as studies show, the effects of sleep deprivation are mentally and physically damaging for the most part, so I cannot allow this self-sabotage to continue.

So join me next time as I continue to walk in investigating and pulling apart the limitations in my mind in relation to sleeping, and re-designing my mind to have as supportive a sleep pattern as possible.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 07 May 2017, 20:41

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-3.html

Now we continue the point of not sleeping well consistently, because as i have shown, this is a complex topic for me -

So research is also another thing that keeps me awake through the night, its like an endless desire to know more knowledge about myself and the world I live in, an endless questioning of why the world is the way it is, and an uncomfortability about the point of resting until the pain in this world is cured -

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to consistently desire to know more about the world I live in, to know more about myself and find solutions to the problems in this world. I realise that constantly understanding the pain that exists, that wanting to learn new things about the world, myself and solutions to improve things is very cool, but not at the expense of a stable sleep schedule.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that I cannot make the pain of this world disappear instantaneously no matter how hard I try to keep myself awake and vigilant all night, I can only improve what is practically possible within my capacity everyday here - I realise that for all pain to disappear in the world, requires all of humanity to focus on improvement and sustainability together, so I cannot expect more then what is possible of myself as a single being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the importance of sleeping in my mind, I realise that sleep is an important part of having a healthy mind and body, so this disregard must be stopped now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the process of sleeping because I do not have
dreams. I realise that this is no justification to avoid sleeping, because dreaming is not the point of sleeping, sleeping is for recuperation of the body and mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to consistently avoid sleeping, making sleeping more difficult through my own thoughts,and then when I get to sleep, I don't want to wake up, as a result of resisting sleeping so often.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment what the dangerous effects of sleep deprivation can be, because if you do your research the data is unanimous - the longer a person goes without sleep, the more zombie like the person literally becomes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of avoiding sleeping, through judging sleeping and the act of "submitting to being tired" as something that is a sign of apparent "weakness" in a person as the ego. However, even though I do not tire easily, I realise that avoiding sleeping if I am psychically tired is just me allowing my ego to dictate to me when to sleep, as if I am apparently "stronger" if I always push through the tiredness that comes up which is bullshit, and as studies show, the effects of sleep deprivation are mentally and physically damaging for the most part, so I cannot allow this self-sabotage to continue.

Within this I forgive myself that I have allowed and accept my ego to dictate to me when I should sleep, where apparently "pushing through" any tiredness that occurs makes me "stronger" in some way, which is not true.

I forgive myself for defining myself as someone that "does not need sleep" as if I am different to anyone else, when in reality I am not, so this definition is stupid, because I do require at least 4-6 hours sleep a day just like everyone else, so I must learn to get this consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sleeping is something which I can do without, because "I am strong" and that sleep is something that is for weaker people to do, when in reality this is a completely limiting concept, because everyone requires sleep - yes we can gear ourselves to have less or more of it, but that does not give me or anyone else more value regardless.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being in a vulnerable state while I am sleeping, to feel like I could be attacked by some form of technology, or my physical body could be harmed if someone broke into my house for instance. I realise that yes while I could be attacked by some technology that effects my mind, and yes it is impossible to defend yourself from physical attack while your asleep - I also realise that the fear of these things is separation and thus only serves to limit my interaction, which is unacceptable, so I walk a process to to stop this.

I forgive myself for believing that sleep is something I can do mainly when I die - this is not true, as I have pushed the limits of avoiding sleep more then most people, and it is unanimous that everyone requires it during their life - and who says that death will involve any form of sleeping?


I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself to create my own insomnia in my life though fearing sleeping. I realise that being in a self-created state of insomnia, is nothing but self-sabotage, which does not support me in living whats best for all, but instead keeps me in a state of separation from the physical which will not assist me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to resist physical or mental tiredness that comes up intently, and to actually brainwash myself to not allow myself to naturally allow myself to sleep if I am physically tired.

I forgive myself for defining the process of becoming tired as some kind of untrustworthy monster which is trying to consume me, to "take away my control of myself" when in reality thing is just a defence mechanism of my pre-programmed mind trying to remain "in control" which is an unnecessary limitation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the effects of sleep deprivation in my life, come through as a variety of consequences, such as: short temper, random moments of tiredness in the day, random headaches, and losing accuracy and focus with certain tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of paranoia while trying to sleep about science, conspiracies and aliens, that I developed in younger years from staying round my grandfathers a lot. I realise that the reactions I had to things my granddad would teach me, are not relevant to hold onto in my life, so I give myself license to release these memories.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to hold onto memories of worrying about things in my life while trying to sleep from when I was younger. I can remember laying in bed wondering why my mum is so ill, wondering where my dad and grandmother are, why don't they ever see me, worrying about the future. I realise these memories do not support me in living what is best for all like have a stable sleep pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to hold onto memories from childhood of fearing that my family will cease to exist, that I will be on my own and have to be an adult - part of being an adult is staying up later then children. So I indoctrinated myself with this for a long time, and now it will not help me to maintain this is my mind, so I walk to train myself to change this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react to the increased amount of responsibilities in my life, where I again add more fuel to staying awake all night worrying about the best way to care of each responsibility. I realise that while planning how to handle responsibilities is important, this worrying about my responsibilities while trying to sleep, will only damage my ability to look after my responsibilities effectively, so I must stop.

I forgive myself for consistently distracting myself form the paranoid, worried thoughts I have while trying to sleep, by immersing myself into hours of computer games or sexuality with a female friend. I realise that playing games and having sex is cool within reason, but neither should ever be used to distract myself from facing and dealing with my mind, so i will walk to re-wire myself with regards to this.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that one of the reasons why I have never had a partner longer then a few years, is because my sleep pattern is too crazy for most people to keep up with, as it just causes them to become tired all the time. So I must make sure that when I am interacting with a potential partner, that I get used to pushing myself to sleep earlier, the same way that I have pushed myself to avoid sleep for so many years.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to purposely force myself to stay awake in a pattern of self-sabotaging behaviour, so as and when i see my mind having thoughts come up about avoiding/disregarding sleep, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage in these thoughts, as I know the cycle of self-destructive behaviour will continue, which I am not willing to accept, so I breathe and continue to do so until these thoughts do not come up any further.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to be distracted by memories, beliefs and fears while I am trying to sleep, I don't care how long it takes, i will learn how to do this, so when I see my mind moving to some of these things, I stop and breathe and keep myself stable here. I do not participate with these emotions and feelings, I breathe and keeping maintaining myself as this stability of breathing until this shit does not come up in my head anymore.

I commit myself to living the realisation that sleep is a natural process that everyone requires, it is vital for physical and mental health to have at least 4-6 hours a day. So i walk, I change my interaction with sleep to become something that is best for my physical and mental well being, which is an act which is best for all life on earth.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 14 May 2017, 19:43

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... ithin.html

So Dragons are fascinating aren't they? The word Dragon derives from the Latin word Draco, which then derived from the Greek word Drakon "Huge water snake". I mean for thousands of years, human cultures around the world have venerated the symbol of the dragon. Particularly in Asia and Eastern Europe there are countless stories and historical depictions of various types of Dragons.

In the west historical depictions and concepts surrounding Dragons are that they are synonymous with the Devil, and are cold blooded evil beings, that are enemies of mankind, the western dragon has typically been seen as a fire breathing scaly horned creature with wings.

There are countless historical and mythological stories in the west such as Beowulf, St. George and the Dragon, The epic of Gilgamesh, the Bible, and many others, all centralising around a famous prince or king being praised for fighting off dragons to protect their village or kingdom from the threat that the Dragons posed.

Yet in Asia, the Dragon is historically depicted differently as a being that is a combination of snakes

and eagles with no wings. yet still being able to fly, and is seen as a symbol of strength, imperial authority and wisdom, which you could say I have shaped much of my character after this premise.

Again there are countless fascinating stories throughout Asia, which tend to praise Dragons much more then in the west, as we see in the classic 16th century Chinese novel called Journey to the West. In Vietnam for instance it is believed that Vietnamese people descend from a Dragon and a Fairy, in Japan and many Asian cultures it is believed that the Dragon has the ability to change weather and make it rain.

Yet despite this difference regarding the viewpoints on Dragons in the east and west, in all areas of the world all Dragons are typically taken on as symbols of authority by all royal households.


But lets look closer at what I mean by I have shaped much of my character after the premise of the eastern dragon, because my fascination with Asia in general in my life, much of it has stemmed from the point of the dragon -

Any historical and mythological story I learnt about growing up, was always automatically more interesting to me if it had Dragons involved. I can remember my granddad teaching me stories from Gods of Eden, Beowulf, George and the Dragon, the Secret Doctrine and other books where dragons are involved growing up.

So Bruce Lee who was Chinese was a huge hero of mine growing up, probably the most influential figure on TV for me. It is common knowledge that he had many philosophies about dragons, his ties to Chinese secret societies of the Dragon families, and even going so far as to speak about invoking dragon entities before battle - Bruce himself was often referred to as The Dragon.

So you can imagine how much this imprinted on me, now on top of this one of my ex partners was from China, which was a passionate relationship for the the time she was living in England.


Also I have owned a few dragons in my day in the form of a Monitor Lizard, a Python and a Bearded Dragon.

Now what I noticed the other day at work, one of my work colleagues was struggling to complete a deal with his Chinese client, and at one point he started ranting and raving after a long phone call, about "how the Chinese are such weird people" "its all bloody Dragons and hidden meanings".

I reacted aggressively immediately when I heard the words China and Dragons in a derogatory light, I told him to shut his fucking mouth, and start learning the Chinese culture better and respect the fact that the guy will make him a lot of money instead of talking shit about him when hes not there. My work colleague could see I was offended by his words, and then apologised to me, but it was a moment that silenced the usually bustling office for a few seconds.

Now while what I said to my work colleague was valid with regards to respecting others equally as life, but the point of me reacting defensively and being personally offended when someone talks shit about China or certain other Asian countries like Japan, Vietnam, Indonesia, and South Korea is an unnecessary reaction to have.


I mean in one of my offices it is very common to hear someone having a heated debate with someone from another country, and then venting some steam about the culture at the end of the call, but why is it when I hear about someone talking shit about certain Asian countries I lose my shit?

When I look closer I can see a lot of memories I've been holding onto, and with charged emotions with regards to dragons/asia. So the moment that happened in the office recently has happened in many other situations before, and will only continue to happen again if I do not change some things in my mind in relation to this.

When someone says or does something really stupid in our environment it is always more advisable to move into action to direct the stupidity to whats best for all, but within this no reaction inside my mind is needed, no breathing fire on people - no personal offence, annoyance and aggression is needed within this equation,

Dragons are amazing creatures no matter what you look at it, there is nothing wrong with enjoying Dragons in symbology, history, mythology, animal kingdom etc. But nothing in this world should move me to instability in any moment, because I must learn to be in this world, but not of this world,

So join me next time as I continue to unravel this pre-program.



User avatar
Marley Dawkins
Posts: 155
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 21 May 2017, 19:43

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-2.html

Continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consistently react in personal offence to those who speak about Dragons and China/Dragon countries in an judgemental negative light. I realise that this reaction does not support me to be the best version of myself, as it only feeds into conflict and separation of myself and thus the interactions with others, even though it is true that nobody should judge others.

I forgive myself for not realising that verbally attacking people with emotion when I allow myself to be personally offended will not help me or the person I am attacking - I only cause internal discomfort for myself, and the other person only reacts back in fear, which is a recipe for disaster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not react in moments where people talk shit about dragons and china, I realise that if I had not reacted and instead remained calm here as breathe, then I would have been able to apply common sense, where I can plant a seed in a person instead of reacting to their reaction towards Chinese people and Dragons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as ego, where I become a defensive mechanism with regards to china and dragons, as I see it as a part of me, a part of how I define myself. So within this I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself through dragons and china in separation of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe from a young age that mythological

and historical stories that include dragons are automatically more interesting then stories without them. I realise that the reason I enjoyed it more when my granddad or whoever taught me stories with dragons, was because all throughout childhood some of my favourite films and animated show would be things that involve dragons in the story such as: Conan the barbarian, Aliens, Gargoyles, Dragonball z, Dragon wars, Power rangers, Teenage mutant ninja turtles etc.

So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto these memories of watching these dragon shows as a child, and then using these memories as a starting point of the importance I have placed on dragons and china in my life as this "dragon within" character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of watching and

listening to Bruce Lee growing up, I realise that the iconic god like status that I built in my mind through the years in relation to him is a huge part of this "dragon within" self-definition I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that enjoying certain peoples skills, character and input to this world is a fine and enjoyable part of life, but once I allow myself to go beyond enjoyment into reaction, infatuation, to praise and become addicted to a person, that has only an imaginary identity, where there can only be frictional consequences because it is based in separation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hold onto and charge memories of the relationship I had with a Chinese woman, it was a very passionate relationship, she taught me many things about Chinese culture and history, which just added more layers of value to Dragons and China in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself to realise that because this relationship was very

passionate and we both taught each other so much, that in my mind she is marked as one of the greatest interactions I ever had with a female, which caused an immense sadness within me when she went back to China for work and disappeared from my life - we still talk from time to time, but the nature of her work means its difficult for us to speak to each other more then a few times a year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have this partner back in my life, which has caused my mind to hold onto the memories so closely and allow layers of value to add onto my infatuation with dragons and china, thus fuelling this character I become in moments where people speak negative remarks about china and dragons, which I am not willing to continue in my life, so I take self-responsibility to stop this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally transform as this dragon where my eyes get wider, my chest puffs out, my voice deepens and raises in volume significantly and I am ready to literally breathe some fire, to bite the head off of the person who is disrespecting dragons and china in my presence, which as I noted earlier, can only denote a response of fear in another which is not supportive for me or the other person, even if the point I'm making to them about disrespecting dragons and china is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of me having a snake and a lizard for years, which are both a type of dragon you could say, where I have then gone and defined myself according to this memory as a kind of "dragon man" in my mind - where dragons "understand me" and therefore I must apparently "stand up for dragons" when they are disrespected by others in any situation - but what I am learning now is that as breathe planting a seed, a statement of truth without emotions, is far more effective then transforming into a raging dragon for calling out peoples bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to any derogatory national slants towards countries that associate themselves with dragons historically - so countries like Japan, Vietnam,
Indonesia, South Korea, Scandinavian countries, some eastern European countries, and China standing at the pinnacle of these countries in my mind with regards to this.

I forgive myself for not realising in every here moment of breathe, that I am allowing my actions to be controlled, through reacting to the derogatory statements about dragons and china, but I am not willing to allow myself to be enslaved by this pattern of behaviour anymore.


I commit myself to not allowing myself to transform into a fire breathing dragon when I see or hear someone making ignorant statements about dragons and countries that associate themselves with dragons predominantly china. I realise that this transformation does not assist me, but only causes issues for all involved, so as and when i see my mind having thoughts coming up about defending dragons, china and various "dragon countries" when someone says something stupid, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to react and become unstable -

I simply continue to breathe until I have grounded all the energy and I can speak from common sense to assist the person and myself rather then feeding into these thoughts/emotions etc. I continue to focus on breathing in these situations, until these thoughts no longer come up any more.


I commit myself to living the realisation that while using emotion and putting fear into people is effective at shocking people, sometimes frightening them onto their feet for a moment, but on the whole it is not conducive of a support relationship with anyone, therefore I must stop this cycle of reacting to dragon/dragon country ignorance from others.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to hold onto memories of this dragon love, because I have only gone and limited myself by defining myself as these memories, which as I have shown myself in this blog only keep me in separation, which is not supportive for me or any life on Earth. So as and when I see my mind reminiscing over some kind of dragon associated memory, I stop and breathe, I continue to breathe until these memories are no longer coming up in various situations that trigger them.

I commit myself to walking in this life to make the best version of myself no matter what, where amazing creatures like dragons are enjoyed without any unnecessary separation inside of myself being added, which is best for all life in equality and oneness.

See you soon.




Return to “7 Years Journey to Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron