Marleys Journey To Life

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Marley Dawkins
Posts: 131
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 04 Sep 2016, 21:59

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... osses.html

At the moment I am self-employed, I have been at many points in my life, it is excellent because it enables you to work at your own pace, and taxes aside enables you to keep all the money you make. Recently I left the company that had been employing me for over 2 years, the main reason I left this company as with every company I have left in the past is clashing with the boss.

This system is set up as a destruction of the power of labour, so you will see in any company in capitalism, that the people who do the most hours get the least pay, and the people that do the least hours get the most pay. It is a twisted concept that most in the top of the pyramid enjoy, because it allows them a life of extreme luxury for doing little to no work.

It takes a psychopathic set of principles to enjoy sucking the life force out of people for your own glory, and through my allowance this has caused an anger experience in me for years, because I know that it is not supposed to be like this, and I know that many of these people have the resources to make vast beneficial changes globally now but they do not, which also causes a mixture of Anger and sadness, because the godly experience that these "bosses" experience is not real, because it will only be real when every being in the world can experience it. The power that the top of the pyramid believe they have pales in comparison to the power of this planet, the power of life, and time is running out for everyone from the top to the bottom of the pyramid to realise this.

So iv'e always had a problem with bosses, in any employment iv'e done in my life, iv'e always been an employee that works hard for the company, gaining more experience and power in my tasks as i go along. While at the same time, as I become highly effective at the job and I see how much money myself and the top performers are making the company, I have always voiced my concerns regarding things within the company that do not make sense, or detriment the employees and the company in general.


Once I realise there is an abuse of power, once I realise the perspectives of employees are not appreciated and followed up on, once I realise the bosses just want slave labour to make them rich while paying their staff shit money, once I realise the owners think they are doing their staff a "favour" by employing them instead of the other way around, once I realise there is favouritism, or abusing their position of power, bullying certain staff etc - if I see any of these things happening, then I find that an immense annoyance builds in me, because I know the boss does not understand how to maximise staff harmony and enjoyment. Then because I never actually effectively deal with this annoyance, invariably at some point I will tell the boss to fuck off and walk out the company.

Its interesting because my mind is structured like a boss, so I always want to do things my own way, not take orders from people, so when I walk into a new company it is always a matter of time before I clash with the boss, because in my mind I am competing with the boss, because "i know how to run this company better to improve results", "why are you not doing it like I would do it?" things like that.

I know that every being in existence is equal as life, therefore every being is a boss to me, so its like I expect and demand the laws of equality to work in the work place, like I expect the owners of the company to realise that they have no power without their staff that do the work for them, and so should maximise what they pay their staff at every opportunity. What i am failing to realise within this, is regardless of knowing that equality is the solution for humanity, not every human knows that yet, and we are still confined within the laws of capitalism, so i cannot expect and demand that the laws of equality to be introduced into a business.


I am realising now though that most company owners do not understand the laws of equality, because within capitalism we are all taught from a young age that the bosses "make the rules", tell people what to do, and nobody goes against the word of the boss. So in reality if you want to be employed within capitalism you have to play the "system game" - meaning you have to turn up do your work with full effort, smile at everyone, don't ask too many questions, don't make demands, and don't compete with the boss.

Iv'e been like this from a very young age, for example as an aggressive teenage criminal, you have to be effective at telling people to fuck off, and coincidentally one of my favourite gangster films is a film called "once upon a time in america". And Robert De Niros character at one point says something like "I don't like bosses, that used to be a good idea for us, and it still is". Fascinating how I have carried that concept within and as me, never dealing with my reactions to bosses, just suppressing them until they burst out over any future bosses.

I can also see that because my father was not involved in my life growing up, it has caused thoughts growing up at the back of my mind, that "i have no boss", that i am my own boss, so nobody can tell me what to do, and only i know whats best.


I mean making suggestions to improve a company is fine, voicing problems/ideas to improve the company is fine, as long as you are effective at the job, but making your own rules within a company, competing with the boss, and demanding better pay for everyone will get you in trouble quickly, because these things not how the system works currently, as Neo finds out when he is late for work in the film the Matrix for example.

Within an equal money system everyone will have job satisfaction, because everyone will be able to pursue a profession that they want to, instead of like now within capitalism where we have to take whatever job we can get our hands on. Everyone will be able to choose their working hours, which will increase productivity, and allow people to have flexibility around their personal lives. Every profession will be paid the exact same wage, which will be based on hours of labour, which in turn will cause people to not have to compete to get better paid jobs. Everyone in every profession will be able to afford to buy any luxury item based on the amount of hours we work, which will make the statement "hard work pays off" a reality.

But now within capitalism we have to work within certain boundaries, which I am still learning how to do effectively. So I realise what a mental fuck up has been happening in my mind about bosses currently, and if you experience the same thing, then join me in my next blog as I continue to investigate this point.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 12 Sep 2016, 20:07

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-2.html

Continuing from my last blog - so I have psychological dysfunctions in relation to bosses within employment, problems in my mind that do not compliment me to be the best version of myself, so I walk -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to bosses in a company I work for, whenever I see they are not implementing systems of equality in the office - I realise that while equality is best for all, I must understand and accept that within the realms of employment in this capitalist system there is a "system game" that one must play if one wants to maintain the employment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to any clear abuse of power, as the emotions of annoyance, anger and sadness, which I realise will not assist me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that the boss of a company I work for should always listen to my word equal as their own because of defining myself as a boss in my mind. I understand and accept that while in reality everyone is equal as a boss, capitalism only allows for certain people within companies to have the title of "boss" and therefore I must live the realisation that as a employee of a company, I have to adhere to an "employee character" or i will inevitably have a collision with the boss.

I forgive myself to define myself as a boss when I am an employee within a company, I realise that no matter how effective you become at a job, if you believe that your word is equal to the bosses, you will eventually find out that this is not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my word is equal to that of the boss when I am an employee within a company - now while it is true that everyone's word is equal in reality, capitalism is not based on reality, so i realise that seeing oneself as equal to the boss in capitalism is nothing but ego and completely destructive to maintaining employment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I can support myself financially without a job through self-employed activities, that it gives me "license" to be extra brash towards the bosses of any company I work for, because of not caring if I lose the job. I realise that this concept is destructive, and essentially it is pointless to join any company with this attitude, so I take self-responsibility to remove this concept, so that I expand my capacity in this world having the capability to be fully effective at self-employed and employed work.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment, that not every being understands yet that everyone is equal as life, so it makes no sense to expect/demand that the laws of equality are implemented within a capitalistic business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of being a criminal in younger years, where it is imperative to define yourself as a boss in order to be an effective criminal.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to accept that despite applying self-forgiveness on these points before, that I have not dealt with them effectively enough, which is why the consequences keep time looping every time I get a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unknowingly define portions of my character according to a statement Robert De Niros Noodles character says in the film Once Upon a Time In America - "I don't like bosses, that used to be good idea for us and it still is". I realise that this statement is destructive to gaining/maintaining employment within capitalism, so I realise how this statement has affected my mind, so i take self-responsibility to remove this concept.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to effectively deal with the reactions I have to bosses, but simply suppress them, where they only end up coming back again at moments within employment where I react to the bosses actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly react throughout my childhood/teenage years about my father not being involved in my life, and then through suppressing/holding onto these reactions/memories, to then create a belief/definition that i do not have a boss, I am my own boss, therefore nobody can tell me what to do.
So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through this suppression/holding onto reactions about my father that I am my own boss/nobody can tell me what to do - I realise that while it is true that everyone is their own boss, this concept does not work within the realms of employment, and in reality everyone can give directions to another if those directions are beneficial.


I forgive myself that I have not realised that there are many family related points which are at the root of why I have been reacting to bosses throughout my life. I for instance have been the financial leader and most physically capable in my family for years, which again is a part of how within and as ego I have defined myself as a boss, and been reacting to anyone defined as "my boss" in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with bosses whenever I am employed and I start reacting to their lack of understanding of the principles of equality.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that making suggestions to improve a company is beneficial, but not from a starting point of a pre-programmed reactions, because this is separation so my "suggestions" will be full of thoughts and emotions to destroy the bosses which is unacceptable. I realise that planting seeds when done from a starting point of breathe, will allow for common sense within my suggestions which is best for all.

I commit myself to living the realisation that if I want to work within a company in this capitalist system, I must adhere to the "system game" meaning I must do my best at my work tasks without question, I must not make demands as if i am the boss, and if I am to make any suggestions of improving the company, I must do so gently and not react if those suggestions are not implemented.


I commit myself to making sure that I do not react to the unequal actions of the bosses of a company I work, I realise that within this capitalist system, inequality is paramount and thus I must not expect/demand that the laws of equality are immediately implemented when i make the company a lot of money. So as and when I see myself reacting to the words/actions of any future bosses I may have in employment, I stop and I breathe, I realise the mental fuck up that what will happen if I engage with these thoughts, and go into suppression - the inevitable "fuck you boss" preach will come again which does not support me in living what is best for all life. So i breathe and continue to do so, no matter how many times the thoughts come up, until eventually these destructive thoughts will cease to exist.

I commit myself to living the realisation that I am the boss in living what is best for all in my day to day living, just like every other being, which means that learning to be humble and always learning how to improve myself and my interactions to get more beneficial results is paramount. If any other bosses are not yet ready to live whats best for all, I will not react, because I know that they are not yet ready to fully understand how this physical universe functions, but one day they may learn how to transform from a "capitalist boss" into a boss of equality.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 18 Sep 2016, 21:54

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... amics.html]

What does the word family mean? Well according to the dictionary there is two main definitions -

1: a group consisting of a two parents and their children living as a unit.
2: all the descendants of a common ancestor.

I'm looking at all the dimensions of the word family in my life, because i have noticed a common thread in majority of my pre-programmed patterns, which come back to the word family - relationship issues, work issues etc. problems with the word family seems to bleed into all areas of my life.

My family in my mind has always consisted of three people - me, my mother and my grandfather. So a small family, and while my mother and grandfather brought me up in a beneficial way, to the best of their ability, so iv'e always cared about them massively - my mind however has been a rocky ride in relation to them.
For many years growing up for instance i associated the word family with words like confusion, hard work, weird and fear. I would get confused about some things my grandad would say to me, or confused about why my mother is not with my father and with this guy instead. It was hard work understanding my grandfather sometimes, hard work looking after my mother when she gets ill. Its weird how my mothers illness works, my grandad says a lot of weird stuff. Im afraid my mother is going to die, I'm afraid my grandfather is going to die, and then what family will i have left? -


these thought then in turn have affected how i interact and react around other people. I can remember for instance many times growing up experiencing judgements and jealousy when i would hear people talking about their family in a positive way - Like my brother and sister did this for me, my family is so big, we went on holiday here, my mother is so healthy, my grandfather is still alive and kicking etc. Anything like that which i hear from a friend or an associate has always caused me to go into jealousy and a form of mild resentment in the back of my mind towards that person because "i dont have those things, and you are a lucky motherfucker to have them". This is still something which comes up for me to this day, and so i must take self-responsibility and walk these problems out of existence.

My father and grandmother for instance have has never been involved in my life, so i have never associated them with the word family - However its fascinating that within my teenage years a lot of anger and frustration developed within me regarding my father and grandmother, i resented them both for not being involved in my life, yet at the same time through the years i almost mentally tried to be them, in terms of being as harsh and cold towards people as possible.

So even though they were never around, my father and grandmother were still influencing my thought process a lot - now while i have resolved many issues in my mind/interaction and life regarding my father and grandmother, there are still moments that come up where for instance i will not care about being around someone, where i will be as cold towards someone as my father and grandmother have been towards me. Its like when someone pisses me off in anyway, i am always ready to block that person and cut them out of my life at the drop of a hat. Sometimes i will try to confront the person about what they did that pissed me off before i block them, or sometimes i will just block them without even attempting to discuss and resolve the situation.


Or for instance with relationships in my life, its like i will quickly see a person as someone that i could expand my family with, so straight away i'm usually fucking up mentally by seeing this person as someone to be a vessel to help me "deal" with my fears about my family dying, and as a conduit to fulfil my desire to expand my family - so i will shower that person with as much attention as i can in a short space of time, which most find overbearing, while at the same time fearing that once they find out about my past and my family, they will not want to know me anymore. Fascinating how we can so easily look to relationships to try and deal with the mental shit we are going through, when really we are just avoiding taking self-responsibility for whats happening in our mind, and rather looking for a "quick fix".

So i find that because i expect for a person to literally run away from my family when they hear the stories, its like as soon as they react to something i say, or they judge something that i would not, or say an ignorant comment - i then start mentally and physically avoiding the person, i get memories of being mentally hurt by women in the past in my mind so i start thinking things like - "if they are ignorant enough to believe that, then it will break down inevitably anyway, and i have been hurt before by women that i thought would stay around and didn't, and i do not want to experience that again, so its best i severe ties now before i get shocked". Then i go about my way giving the next female attention, looking for a "perfect storm" partner which does not actually exist - so its really fascinating how these various pre-programmed dimensions of the word family have been involved in relation to relationships in my life.

Then my son for instance add more layers to the pre-programming around the word family - i for instance have spent a lot of time with my son during the first 6 years of his life, yet in the past year, the mother has made it increasingly difficult for me to see him, because she is married and has another child now too. So in her mind i am a nuisance to her idea of the perfect family, and she has always been annoyed about me not wanting a relationship with her, me having very different principles to her, and how much fun my son has when he is with me.


So it has caused me annoyance and sadness to know that most likely the only way i can see my son again now, is if i go through a long legal process, and fascinating also that in my mind because my father was never around in my life, this has caused a nonchalance within me, where i think to myself "well ive spent so much more time with my son then my father did with me, i taught him so much more, had a lot of fun, so if i never see my son again, i will still be happy knowing that i am a better father then my dad" So again its fascinating how my father (family), and me competing with him in my mind for "best dad award" is causing more mental issues that need to be resolved.

Or if we look at how family affects my work life which i have covered in more detail in recent blogs - where i literally walk into companies expecting that i should be taken care of as a family member by the owners, competing with the owners, that they should acknowledge my hard work and then give me and everyone in the company "family benefits" meaning making my own rules within the company.

And because of being the current financial and physical "head" of my current family, and other reasons like being my own boss/own father, i literally tell bosses to go and fuck themselves if they don't start looking after their staff as family, allowing flexibility and increased pay opportunities, which inevitably gets me fired from the company or me just walking out.

All of these things are not assisting me to live whats best for all life, but are rather diminishing me, so all of these things indicate i have plenty of corrections to make in my life in relation to the word Family, so join me in my next blog as i continue to walk.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 25 Sep 2016, 21:57

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-2.html

Continuing from my last blog -

Many people have issues with the word Family, and that is certainly true for myself, so i take self-responsibility to get to the bottom of these issues, so that i can learn to release these issues and thus improve my capacity as a supportive being in this world -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation to the word family, where I have developed lots of pre-programming in various areas of my life in relation to the word family.

I forgive myself that I have not realised until recently that problems with the word family seem to bleed into all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words Confusion, Hard-work, Weird and Fear to the word Family within and as my pre-programmed mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experiences confusion regarding some things my Grandad would teach me growing up - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience confusion about my mothers disability and why she is not with my Father growing up - I realise that these confusion experiences I had to some of the things he talked about, and mothers health/relationship status, lead me to create this mind dimension in separation from the word family, where I associate and define my family with the word confusion in complete separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my grandfathers words at certain times growing up, experiencing my granddad as being hard-work to understand - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react to looking after my mother at various points growing up as being hard work - I realise that these hard work reactions/experiences growing up that I have had towards understanding my grandfather and looking after my mother, have lead my mind to create more pre-programmed baggage in relation to the word family - I commit myself to deleting this unnecessary separation of myself, because it does not assist me in anyway in living what is best for all life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to and judge my grandfathers words growing up, and my mothers illness as being weird. I realise that this judgement reaction has existed within
me for a long time, and again has compounded the separation of myself in relation to the word Family. I understand and accept that my first initial reaction/judgement to my grandfathers words and my mothers illness, was when i was around 6 years old, thus it was based on my lack of understanding of the words of my grandfather and the nature of my mothers illness at that age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all the time growing up that my grandfather and mother will die and I will be left on my own - I realise that this fear has again added more unnecessary layers to the word Family, and i can see as a consequence of accepting this fear continually growing up, that it has contributed to depression in relation to my family at certain points in my life, as well as a comparison/jealousy of people with larger families with good health/less difficulties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my family to other peoples families - I realise that comparing ones family to another is stupid, because you cannot choose your family, and this comparison just keeps me in separation of myself which I will not allow to continue.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that comparing my family to other peoples family will not assist me in living what is best for all life in each moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Jealousy towards people who explain something about their family in a positive way to me - again this Jealousy makes no sense because you cannot choose your family, and reacting to other peoples family as Jealousy which implies that they have something that i do not - when in reality yes someone else's family may have more or less problems then my family, but as long as most of the family looks after each other as best they can, then there is no "better" families that exist, and this Jealousy will not assist me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this jealousy experience is not assisting me in living whats best for all life - I also realise that whenever I accept an experience of Jealousy towards other peoples families, I am compounding negative reactions in relation to my own family members here, and therefore not contributing to beneficial interactions with family members, which is not acceptable.

There is much more to type regarding this point of Family, so join me next week as I continue.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 03 Oct 2016, 03:20

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... art-3.html

Continuing -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and frustration about my father and grandmother never being involved in my life. I realise that I have held onto resentment towards them both which has had the consequence of separation within and as myself in relation to the word family -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto resentment towards my father and grandmother for most of my life, I realise that this resentment is not supporting me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the coldness I can show people, in terms of cutting people out of my life, is a form of imitation of my father and grandmother, where I have built a belief that the best of friends, close friends and family members are supposed to walk away when they are annoyed with you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe for years that something is wrong with me, which in my mind has always been a part of why my father and grandmother never were around me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as strange, and therefore this is what i use as a reason why I should stay away from people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the definition I have created of myself, as a justification to remove people from my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people close to me will leave me at some point, especially when they find out about my family, so just beat them to the punch and block them out of my life first. I realise that this "lone wolf" character is prominent within all this, and so I require to take self-responsibility and stop allowing points of pre-programming in relation to family to keep me in instability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my family, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself for being ashamed of my family and then trying to pretend that I am not ashamed of my family in complete self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to start a new family, because of never dealing with my reactions to the word Family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to save money for years with the intention of starting a new family - I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to constantly fear not having money to start a new family.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that trying to make connections with people for my selfish intentions of having "my new family", yet at the same time pushing people away is a pretty fucked up dichotomy to have within myself, so I must do all I can to change these issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have attention from others, to be adored by someone, but then as soon as they react to something about me or my family, then I immediately react, and tell that person to fuck off - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people that react to me or my family, I realise that I cannot control the reactions of others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto bad memories of past relationships, as another reason to push people away from me, as soon as something even very slightly resembles a memory I have with a new person i meet.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to jump from partner to partner trying to find this "perfect storm" which i realise does not exist in reality, so rather then letting the pre-program keep running endlessly, I must align this point, I must make sure that I develop communication with a person based on common sense, that I make a concerted effort with people based in physical interaction/feedback rather then pre-programming, so that I can see clearly what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add more layers of bullshit to the word Family, in relation to my son - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent my sons mother for attempting to stop me from seeing my son - I realise that this resentment experience will not assist me in my life, so i must stop cycling this resentment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience immense burning anger whenever I think about people teaching my son bullshit when im not there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy of the fact that my sons mother has started a new family, and continually keeps me out of that family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to her definition of me as being "an evil thing that cant be allowed in the good family" to be real - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what she thinks about me to be reality and then compound my own experience of shame and self-loathing-


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound my own experiences of shame regarding family and myself, through believing what others believe and define me to be is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience continual sadness/heaviness within knowing that the only way i can see my son is if i go through a long drawn out legal process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a nonchalance about seeing my son, because of knowing that i have spent so much more quality time with my son then what my father did with me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself since the birth of my son to be competing with my father in my mind for "best dad award" where in my mind there is an ongoing backchat "talking to my dad" trying to "teach my dad" how to be a good father, which again is completely unnecessary separation - I realise that i must make actions as a father based on what is best for all life, which does not include having a constant mental warfare with my father in thought about being a good dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let family related pre-programming affect my work life, whereby every employer I play a game with mentally -

I join the company, do well at the job, then once I make the company a lot of money, I start quickly expecting "family benefits" meaning making my own rules, demanding better pay for staff, I compete with the bosses, I start using my family as an excuse to not come into work on some days - there has genuinely been many days that my mother or grandfather have been ill, and so ive taken a day off to support them, but there has been equally as many days that i have taken off through using my family issues to create a lie and use it as an excuse to not come into work.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect "family benefits" from an employer just because ive made the company a lot of money, i realise that this concept does not align with the "system game" of employment, which demands total obedience/subservience.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bring my home situation into the office - meaning that because i am genuinely the financial head of my family, i expect to have my word respected and listened to by my employers, just like in my family at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for years to define myself as my own boss/father - I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compete with ex bosses because of them not treating their staff as family.

Family - Fam-I-Lie, existing in separation from my family, lying to myself regarding my experience to the word Family - existing in dishonesty.

Redefinition - Fam -I -Life

I commit myself to living the realisation, that the word Family, just like any other word, is not separately exclusive to one dimension in my life - meaning any separation i allow within me in relation to a word will bleed into all areas of my life no matter what i do.


I commit myself to not allowing myself to carrying unnecessary shit in relation to the word family - I realise that the living of a word must be equal and one as life here, a physical singular definition based in reality, not in multiple strands of pre-programming - so as and when I see my mind is reeling off thoughts about my family, or something in relation to the word Family, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage with these thoughts as I realise I will only cycle endlessly if i allow participation, so I breathe and continue to do so until there are no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to investigating and getting to the core of any points that i have not covered/or missed here, or anything that i have not yet considered/ new points that come up that come up in relation to family - so as and when i see my mind trying to avoid getting into the nitty gritty of any family issues, i stop and breathe, i do not allow myself to interact with the thoughts, because i know that will only result in no revelation, no investigation, no correction, and instead a compounding of the issue which is not acceptable.

I commit myself to living the realisation that the word Family redefined to me is Fam - I - Life, meaning family regardless of blood/genes is a group that i walk with for a lifetime, a fam of life where we all work together to improve each other in any way possible as an unconditional caring of another - Family.

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Marley Dawkins
Posts: 131
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 09 Oct 2016, 20:55

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... ement.html

In the best of times and the worst of times, I have found this statement has supported me within improving myself as a human being - for instance just recently I have learnt how to create websites, and increased my understanding of how the internet is structured, and this statement that has supported me to do so.

Through this statement "As long as there is movement there is improvement" have also realised through the years that making improvements in my life in any capacity, does not have to be giant leaps. I mean if we can make giant leaps of improvements practically in our life then great, but big or small improvements matters not, only the fact that there is improvement.

I mean yes there can be aimless movements, of course we will make mistakes in our movements sometimes, especially is we go to fast - but as long as there is movement, then you will empower yourself to be able to find out what areas of your life are aimless and for what reason.

But without movement then nothing is possible to be improved upon, because the more grounded within moving we become, and the less daydreaming we do throughout our day, then the more effective our interactions in this world will be.

Can you think of moments in your life when you were so happy about something, and because you were on such a high with positive feelings, that you didn't want to have to come back to reality to get your hands dirty and put in labour to improve something?

If you cant think of one, then just think about your birthday, because birthdays are when majority of people have a blast of positive energy as money/love energy. Notice how in these moments we try to stay in our positive feeling bubble and try to avoid any beneficial work.

Then think about times in your life when everything just seemed to be falling apart, and you are trapped in a negative blackhole of emotions in your mind. Notice again just like with the positive highs, that when we are trapped within the negative lows, we will do anything to avoid participating in anything.

The point I am making is that in the best and worst of times in our mind, ultimately the mind will always try to avoid working, to avoid improving things, but rather just entertain itself within a never ending spiral of self-interested thoughts.

Within committing to and walking this one statement "As long as there is movement there is
improvement", I have found that I have been able to empower myself through the years to not allow the high or low points to affect my ability to learn new information, and then how to apply that new information physically here.

This way I learn to not get stuck for too long within high or low points in my mind or my daily interactions, because I move myself to get to the root of why I am so happy or sad in my mind at that moment, or why is this point in my daily interaction not working well?

Without movement it is impossible to learn anything about ourself or the world around us, and thus impossible to get to any beneficial solutions for either - so whatever is holding you back in your mind and your interactions from improving something, you may find that the statement "As long as there is movement there is improvement" will assist you as it has assisted me.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 16 Oct 2016, 18:33

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... money.html

So if you have never had these thoughts before, then i suggest that you look closer at your thoughts in self-honesty. Because in reality we have all had fears of losing something in our life, and as we grow into teenage years-adulthood- and 40+ maturity, those fears becoming increasingly financial based.

Everyone from the poorest of people, to the richest households in the world fear to lose money. When we are wealthy, then while we will enjoy luxury everyday, we also experience moments of fearing losing the ability to have this daily luxury in our life - if you cannot see that, then look closer at the activities of people like David Rockefeller, Queen Elizabeth, George Bush Snr etc - they all interact in activities that show they fear losing their money and their life.

Then for middle class people with stable 9-5 jobs, we are content with what luxuries we have, while having to be a wage slave to acquire these luxuries. We battle with our work colleagues to smash all competition and get the next promotion before someone else, while fearing that if we do not battle with our work colleagues to get more money, then our ability to have money will cease to exist and we will lose our job/stable content life.


Then for low class people, as we are unemployed, and as we get less money in our lives, as everything we own falls away from us, then the more our thoughts transform to fearing that we will lose the last thing we own being our lives.

As a self-employed person in this system currently, i find that an amalgamation of wealthy/middle class/low class fears intertwine in my mind daily. Because i have savings and many luxury items that enable me to work for myself, yet at the same time, when you are self-employed money is sporadic and not as consistent as employed stable work, so on slow days for business, where outgoing money is higher then incoming money, the fears become more pronounced.

It will be like this chill that comes across me in my mind, where a cascade of thoughts come about fearing losing the money i have - i mean if i have more days where more money goes out then come in, then my money will continue to go down, and then at some point i will have to get employment from a company again.


But what if i cannot get employed? Because i have tried in recent times unsuccessfully due to my skilled experience, but fractured past relations with company owners, as well as my online name notoriety, which tends to scare employers.

What if i lose all my money and end up on the street? Victim based thoughts - please don't make me homeless, because i will give up on myself.

Well in the words of a great friend that reminded me of this recently, this kind of statement makes more sense - "if I ever find myself homeless or jobless, I stand, I breathe, I walk, and will not allow my mind to tell me who I should be or how I should experience myself".

I mean who know when we could lose money, but ultimately i am not willing to let my money/money fears/fear of loss affect how i interact in the world - i will not allow my pre-programmed mind to tell me how to live my life.

So join me in my next blog, as i walk to remove this pattern of unnecessary fear based thoughts from my mind.

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Marley Dawkins
Posts: 131
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 23 Oct 2016, 19:32

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... money.html

So continuing from my last blog, I'm looking at how the fear of losing money has affected me, and how i am taking steps to stop these fears -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all my money. I realise that losing my money physically, just like losing my life physically is not something I can control - I can take steps to reduce financial loses and losing my life, but within a system of capitalism that takes from and destroys life, none of us no when anything could be taken away from us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in moments where business is slow, to have pulsating thoughts about losing money and the fears of financially evaporating.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that I cannot change when or if I lose my money or my life, so I must walk this realisation, as breathe in self-honesty, so that I do not exist in separation as fear, but remain silent here stable as myself as life.


I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe, that when I get these money fears, particularly on days where more money goes out then comes in, that the fact that I actually get goosebumps come up on my sin really is showing me that the point is ingrained deep through my sub-conscious into my unconscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure at being self-employed, which will then force me to gain employment from someone else - but within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get employment because I have tried since I lost my last job.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the reason I wasn't getting hired, was because of resonant points that I wasn't dealing with regarding former employers, which were being picked up on by interviewers in some cases, as well as my name being connected to controversy in general which can cause uncertainty for employers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot gain employment from a company - this belief was proven incorrect just this past week, when I was offered a job by a company.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise, that there are consequences from participating with fears of losing money, this consequences can vary and bleed into all areas of our life, and ultimately a cycle of strengthening the fears happens whenever I participate with the fears -
It becomes more of me, as me the more I participate, and I realise that if I do not take action now, then my fears of losing money will become more normalised/pronounced within and as me, which is separation which I am not willing ti accept for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I lose all my money, I will end up on the streets - I realise that these victim based thoughts do not assist me in my life to any capacity, they only push to give up on myself, which does not assist me to live whats best for all.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to fear losing all my money, so when and as I see my mind having thoughts like this, I stop and breathe, I realise what is happening in my mind, I realise that participating with these thoughts is going to only cause a continuing cycle of consequences that will only keep me in a state of separation, which is not acceptable.

I commit myself to living the realisation that if I ever find myself homeless or jobless, I stand, I breathe, I walk, and will not allow my mind to tell me who I should be or how I should experience myself.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 30 Oct 2016, 22:26

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... -talk.html

So if you have a partner, or a friend that your sexually attracted to, someone that you spend a lot of time with, then undoubtedly at some point you will have experienced Jealousy when you see that person speaking to someone of the opposite sex.

It doesn't have to be sexual in the slightest way, it could just be seeing that person smile during a normal conversation with someone else of the opposite sex. It could be when your watching a film with your partner and they keep saying things about what the lead character needs to do. It could be that they share a similar interest with a friend that you do not, I mean the list of moments where jealousy creep up between people is pretty massive.

So recently I experienced this when my girlfriend went on a university trip to London. Now I've been to London so many times in my life, due to work and family/friends there, but for her it is very new and she has only been there once before. Now I'm not the biggest fan of city living, which factors into my reactions here, as I much prefer being closer to nature in the place where I live day to day.

Now when she told me about this trip, she said that she has friends in London that she wants to see again, and noticed that when she was saying that one friend was a female that she would be staying with there was no reaction - but when she said one friend was a male I reacted, and immediate jealous thoughts started coming into my mind.


I didn't hide this jealousy, I started asking about him, like how she met him, and how long they've known each other etc. She could tell I was jealous about it, and began reassuring me that she hasn't known him long and that I have nothing to be worried about.

Its fascinating how when we have a partner, or a friend that we like, we start thinking in the early days that we kind of "own them" in someway like a property, and that they must not even speak to people of the opposite sex lol. Its ridiculous, its like a paranoid thinking that they are having sex with their opposite sex friends just because they are meeting them.

I have female friends, and she has male friends, its just something that has to be accepted about people in life, so why would I be jealous about anything when there isn't even any sexual connotations involved here other then my mind is fabricating?

This was while I was driving to a restaurant with her, then there was some moments of silence, where I was thinking things but not saying them, and when we got to the restaurant, I was just agitated for the whole meal. I was complaining because the waitress didn't get me my drink until about 10 minutes after I ordered it, I was complaining because it was a Thai restaurant, yet I couldn't see any chopsticks on the tables, or even one person of Asian decent in a packed restaurant, as well as being slightly despondent with my partner.


Anyway this situation showed me that participating in jealousy does not have any beneficial impacts for any relationship to any capacity, if not dealt with effectively jealousy can be a destroyer of relationships. So I wanted to write about this because it has come up this past week in my life, and she is coming back tonight, so I want to prepare myself in case there is any thoughts that come up so I can make sure I remain stable.

Trust is something which takes me a longtime to build up with anyone, even family members, because in my world I do not trust anybody until I know for certain through years of experience that I can actually trust this person with my life. But while that makes sense, and assists with strengthening real bonds and real trust, the experience of Jealousy does not make any sense at all to participate with and feed into.

So If you have had some Jealousy issues come up in your life recently, then join me in my next blog as I continue to walk this point.

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Marley Dawkins
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 19:33

Re: Marleys Journey To Life

Postby Marley Dawkins » 06 Nov 2016, 22:43

http://equalityonenessonearth.blogspot. ... -talk.html

So yes Jealousy, this is a not very cool experience which we are all familiar with, I've noticed a pattern with past partners of having moments of this experience repeating itself through the years. Really what I've noticed every time is that in the moments when I am jealous that the person I like and spend a lot of time with is around someone else of the opposite sex, I either do one of two things -

I react to the fact that this person I like is spending time with someone else, and then pretend to my self that I'm not experiencing this jealousy, and I suppress my reactions, saying nothing about it, but rather just "stewing inside". where there's a mental battle going on in my head that I keep to myself, of thoughts like - "is she doing that? am i annoyed? no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm really not" then accepting that "I am apparently not" experiencing jealousy in self-dishonesty as the ego, when really I am.

I kid myself that this is effective and that I'm "dealing with it" but suppression never is truly dealing with anything. Then my behaviour towards the person will slowly become more silent, more direct in speech and colder in my general interaction, then if the person "gives me more reason" to experience jealousy, well then I usually just block that person from my life.

Or I react to the fact that this person I like is spending time with someone else, and I tell her about it immediately, complete honesty immediately, but that will usually result in a slowly escalating discussion based in sarcasm with every word, leading into an argument.
My voice gets louder and more direct in speech like daggers, as I try to enforce how "unfair this experience is" that I'm having, and blaming her that "your responsible for this experience" I'm having now.

I mean yeah its always best to bring up any reactions/experiences with your partner as and when they do, but if its going to be from an emotional starting point then that doesn't make sense, because only the inevitable will happen -

Because its interesting that the two ways I've been responding to jealousy experiences in my life thus far has not been effective, I mean seriously - the two routes I highlighted above only end up with me verbally and mentally hurting someone, and the relationship ending sourly. Also because I'm an intelligent and direct being, my ability to fuck someone up mentally is very effective when I'm caught up in some jealousy/annoyance experience.

From the moment of the first point of jealousy I experience towards this person I like that spends time with someone else, my mind begins to trace though all the memories of past partners/encounters, and i use this information to project into the future of what I believe will happen, which is a breakdown of the relationship.

I can see though how this future projection that i accept to be real, then begins to manifest through me physically accepting the relationship to slowly die, not because it actually has to be this way, but just because I was not able to remove this projection and just accept a repetition of the motions so to speak.

I can see that whenever I have had relationships with people in the past, once a connection is made, I become attached very quickly, so it is often based on a neediness experience, which fuels into and works in tandem with this jealousy experience.


I can see that because I have carried an insecurity about myself in my life, believing that I am not a desirable person to have a relationship with, and thus I am always expecting the person to want to walk away from me, so because of feeding into that, i try to cling hard on a person a like, which can be overwhelming.

I can also see that because I have had a lot of sordid onetime sexual encounters, and relationships based on sex, that I believe that once I meet someone that I like spending time with, that whenever they are not around me and I know they are around another male, I automatically assume that they are fucking or working towards some arrangement of fucking, with often 0% evidence of anything I'm assuming.

So there's been a lot of mental dysfunction here, so I'm in a process of learning now, that its best to write, self-forgive, and commit to breathing immediately in these moments so that I'm clear when discussing the point of jealousy with the person i like and generally moving forward in the relationship.

I have realised that whenever I am feeding into uncertainty in my mind about a relationship with any being to any capacity, that that uncertainty will then manifest into an unstable relationship which does not benefit anyone.

So to me it is clear that I have to remove all the energy from this jealousy experience, deprive it of oxygen so to speak, until through repeating a new script for myself enough times, i will have stabilised myself nicely within that point, transcending the reactions and pre-programming associated with those reactions.

So lets walk -


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when my partner spends time with another male, regardless of if that interaction is sexual or not. I realise that this experience is destructive and has been occurring in a pattern for many previous relationships with women, which is propelled by my insecurity and lack of trust for human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have gone and defined myself according to this jealousy experience, by repeating my participation with pre-programmed thoughts, which has affected my behaviour in relationships with people of the opposite sex in many ways, mainly resulting in an unstable and eventually broken down relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly pretend that I am not offended when I am experiencing this jealousy in Self-Dishonesty and dishonesty, where I also bullshit myself and everyone around me that "I'm fine, I don't mind" when in reality in annoyed -

I realise that this self-dishonesty inevitably leads to me suppressing my jealousy reactions, but this suppression ends up with my behaviour becoming more erratic towards that person, where I will become more distant and less responsive to interacting with them, which then annoys that person, and then as soon as I experience any jealousy/annoyance or any negative emotion towards that person again, I will block them and not speak to them again.


So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my jealousy experience from my partner and I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that when I start becoming unresponsive, and cold towards a person that I liked/considered my partner, it is usually because of a suppression of a jealousy experience, where I thought to myself in the moment "I will get you back for making me feel this jealousy", and then I will suppress, pretend I didn't think that, and it will come out in behaviour like becoming more separate and volatile towards that person- fucked up shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say "I'm ok" to my partner when she asks in dishonetsy, and to tell myself "I'm ok" in self-dishonesty, but in reality I'm "stewing inside" about reacting to her spending some time with another guy, having all kinds of mental ping-pong conversations about - "is she cheating on me? can i trust her? and I'm stupid for thinking these things about her, of course shes fine, no shes not, yes she is". Then these thoughts become charged and boom shit eventually hits the fan.

I realise that this experience is incredibly taxing,and I have found that once I breathe, remove the enegry, slow down and look at what is happening in my mind I can see how uncool it is to carry this kind of shit in my mind, and what the inevitable outcome will be of participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as jealousy when the person I like is spending time with someone else, and then "confront them in honesty" about it straight away while caught up in the experience. I realise that this is not effective, because I end up just escalating from jealous/annoyance filled words of sarcasm, blaming this person for my experience, leading into both of us being offended, an argument ensuing, no effective communication expressed, and a weakening of the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that I am pre-programmed like everyone to trust honesty, to believe that coming out and saying the truth straight away about my experience is always the best thing to do in a relationship with a person. But in reality, our true thoughts are nasty, and telling the truth to people while caught up in emotionally charged thoughts about them is a bad idea because you are guaranteed to offend the other person.

I realise that before I speak about anything, I must always be myself here breathing, where I am calmly able to discuss the point with clarity, understanding and common sense without any energy involved.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of the other person, and realise how complex, cold and insulting i can be towards someone when i am offended and caught up in this jealousy experience. I realise that when someone talks to me with disdain, unnecessary complexity, and general harshness, I do not want to hear that person speak anymore, so it makes no sense that I would do that to someone I care about.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memories, intertwined with this new jealousy experience to project into the future about the relationship "inevitably failing" which i then physically make manifest in my interactions and daily participation.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to try and hold onto a person I meet that I like a lot, from a kind of needy starting point, where in my mind once an initial connection is made, I feel almost as though i own the person and thus their movements, which then leads me to become very jealous when they choose to spend any length of time with a different male.

I forgive myself that I've not realised in all moments that relationships which are best for all, have nothing to do with ownership, because they are unconditional in the support that is provided to each person, so if we are together excellent, if we spend some time apart now and then with other people excellent, that is healthy for any people that like each other, spending too much time with one person can result in a needy possessiveness increasing, so as I am realising two partners spending some time apart is crucial to develop real trust of a person and in any type of partnership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insecure about my validity as a long term partner to the opposite sex, I realise that this is a big part of this jealousy experience as I define this person I like, as the "light of my life" where I desperately try to cling onto most of their time or as much as possible, and when they spend time with someone else, I react as this avalanche of pointless jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically assume that because I have had one time sexual encounters/secret/affairs in the past, that when I meet someone I like and want to spend most of my time with, and they then go and spend time around someone else, then they must surely be fucking or building towards fucking with that other person, and usually this assumption is made without any evidence of what I'm assuming, but just being based on a "feeling".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base what someone is doing to any capacity on a feeling which is not in anyway the same as basing something on physical fact here.

Madness.

I commit myself to not allowing this jealousy experience to dictate how I will live my life and interact with others, i am responsible for how i exist in every moment, so as and when i see myself having jealousy based thoughts in my mind, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage with these thoughts, as i know the cycle that will happen if I do, so I continue to breathe until there is no more jealousy based thoughts that come up.



I commit myself to making sure that whenever I want to discuss something I am reacting to about any person I am in any kind of relationship with, that I must be clear as breathe, where I can apply commons sense real time to the words I'm saying without this jealousy experience taking over - so as and when i see my mind getting caught in jealousy based thoughts, stop and breathe, I make sure that I before I consider discussing my reactions with the person I like/partner, that I am here as myself as breathe where reason can always be worked out.

I commit myself to not seeking and walking into relationships unless I am clear in starting point, and where there are shortcomings in my character that could potentially damage the relationship like this jealousy experience, I commit myself to walking in self-honesty here as breathe, where I will not allow these issues to decide who I will be within this relationship, so as and when I see my mind seeking and getting attached to a certain person, I breathe, I do not allow myself to participate with any attachment and possessive based thoughts, I make sure I am clear as breathe no matter how many times this comes up when I am around this person.

I commit myself to living the realisation that i am only able to have more effective relationships in life, if I am able to transcend any shortcomings in my character which we all have, and this jealousy experience is a shortcoming that I take self-responsibility to end in my life.


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