Day 2 death
I found out about the death of a friend this morning.
He was a sweet heart, one of the types of people that avoided conflict and only wanted to get along and be accepted by others.
I met him on the street, he was a sweet heart and tried to fit in by dressing the part, being a thug or speaking like a gangster, but i knew better through conversations that this guy was kind, and i remember thinking to myself that he could get into trouble on the streets because it was easy to see he was a gentle person, and a lot of people on the streets are hardened and would take advatage of his kind nature.
I feel so sorry for him, i say things like, "he was innocent" or "undeserving of what happened to him"
from what i saw from him, he was undeserving of death, but at the same time, so many people that die at a young age are. I dont know about all this karma crap and how karma works or if it is even real, all i know is when talking to him, i felt no conflicted words or agression, he was soft spoken and quesrmtioned why people had it out for him.
qhen i first met him, people on the streets were conflicted by the fact that he wore blue rags, as most wore red, and claimed to be "bloods", i wasnt around for the conflicts he experianced but when I heard about who jumped and robbed him, it made perfect sense to me. A native blood with no regard towards people had jumped him with a few friends takeing everything of value off his possession. He wasnt beaten to bad as he gave in to the request without conflict
of course when i heard about it, i shook my head because i understood what had hapoened because i understood the nature of both of their starting points.
I am deeply saddened by his death. Even though i barely knew him, i know he was taken too early that he probably had a chance to break from what he had become as a wannabe gangster and had a lot of potential to make it in life, where the guys that treated him like shit.. well.. they are very abusive to others and it will probabky be more difficult for them to break from there pre-programming. Although who am I to say! I am not them and i will not allow or accept myself to project unto them.
He had a massive stroke throughout the night, doctors said they have never seen such a massive stroke before. I thought to myself about my own condition with blott clots in my left leg in the past and a fear of my own death by stroke invaded my thoughts, well of course I envaded my thoughts as I am 100% responsible for my thoughts so i quickly stopped myself and breathed through the conditioned self imposed experiance and decided to write it all out.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach fear of death to the death of a friend because of the manner inwhich he had past.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger towards those that hurt him in the past by attaching an isea that he was innocent and undeserving of what haloened to him, simply because i could see he was a flight not fight typ person.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting mysekf to attach positive to flight nature ajd negative to fight nature, when both are based in polarity and I will not attach anything to physical reality that is not real, not tangible, not here and now.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel hurt or upset about his passing, when i now understand the best move I can make in my reactions is to write them out and find a way that is best for all.
I firgive myself for allowing and accepting negative attachments to my internal reaction about the death of my friend, believing that I should be able to remain stable as though i am not in this mess together one and equal with the world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to apply what i have realized already that these internal reactions that come up within me are trillions of years old and that they will take time to subside and I will take the time to correct them in doing what is best for myself and other by doing what is best.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myaelf to feel anger towards the individual that jumped my friend attaching a belief that harmful people that hurt others shoukdent be around and by that statement hurting myself and others in reality that do things that cause harm.
I commit myself to breathe and apply myself within writing when ever i experiance internal reactions towards others, projecting on to them my own self created beliefs of who they are is what they do, when this is true infact, but i am not akways around to see what they do therefor I should nott paint a image within myself of who they are and instead aimpky work with what is presented to me through common sense understanding which will enable me to move effectivly within gaining and engaging their own commen sense ablitiy and assisting and supporting unconditional through this realization. no mind is perfect, but the body and that which is here as the physical is and i commit myself to simply observe with breath what is taking place physicaly and to work with that, know that is the best solution to revealing the perfection that all being have and are capable of.