Day 1 Deconstructing self
First and foremost I am change, I am here to create a better world for our children. That is my foundation - change - doing what is best for all life. becoming the directive principle in my life. the only real value I can offer to the world is my self change. I have slacked long enough. The time is here, the time to change is now and everyday from now on will be dedicated to changing myself.
What have I allowed and accepted as myself? A LOT! When I look back I remember the comfort I felt through my mother. If I fell and scratched my knee it was my mothers comfort that came up as a reaction. I allowed and accepted myself to "feel" better through my mothers comfort and embrace. I felt protected and soothed from whatever discomforts I was feeling. Looking at this now, I say to myself, "it is normal" "My mom was doing what any mother would do" "the way I felt was normal for every child". When I write about my mother in these context I feel disappointed, upset, like tears are coming to my eyes. why? well, maybe I am being over sensitive about the care my mother provided for me when I felt harmed, The regrets or shame I feel when I think about everything I have put my mother through. Yes, I am sure talking about my mother brings up negative feelings about the relationship I have with her. There is soooo much! so, a deep breath, and walk, I must walk this. I was aware as a child that my mom did not have a good upbringing, she was severely abused and I remember feeling like that was wrong, like something was wrong. I believe that was the first thing I realized about my world that I allowed and accepted fear to exist through me because there was something wrong. The way my mom would behave sometimes, angry and frustrated, seeing this for the first time scared me. Like this comfort I felt from my mom could easily be shaken into fear and being scared.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that comfort and care were the only real things in this world. by doing so I have allowed and accepted myself to feel the opposite of that which was fear and discomfort. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create fear and discomfort as myself and my world by initially participating with its opposite, comfort and care.
By allowing and accepting myself to feel discomfort and fear I introduced the belief that something was wrong with my mother, that something was wrong with me. As I grew up and started going to school, I remember certain feelings, painful feelings of being away from my mother. For some reason this painful feeling comes up when I think about summer camp and being away from my mom for long periods of time. There are certain smells that bring me back to a very very uncomfortable place in my past. I can not pinpoint it, but something is indicating to me that it was when we were having lunch at summer camp. I didn't like what was being served and because my mom wasn't there I really felt trapped into whatever I was experiencing. most likely I didn't want the fucking food that was being served and because I was a spoiled brat that got whatever I wanted from my mother I felt brutally alone because my mom was not there to fulfill this entitlement that I felt I had.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I was entitled to eat what I wanted to eat, to lash out at people that tried to get me to eat foods I didn't like. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not eat what was offered to me and instead create a bad situation between myself and my camp counselors. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that people are all the same and that the way my mom treated me is the same way others would treat me. TO GIVE ME WHAT I WANTED! lol
I guess I realized very quickly that I would not get what I wanted and completely shut down, whatever smell was in the cafeteria stuck in my memories and now whenever I smell this smell, I feel powerless, or am reminded of one of the first times when I was away from my mothers protection and care. well, I define it as protection and care and maybe that is what my mom would describe it has too, but really it was spoiling me that I missed or desired from her that I couldn't get. So this sense of entitlement is important in understanding myself as a youngster and how I have allowed and accepted myself to be the way I am today.
Entitlement, I can think of a few ways where I felt entitled. Obviously Christmas time meant I could get a lot of toys/games that I always wanted, and I felt entitled to it. I remember my mom once trying to explain to me that she could not afford to buy me a Nintendo. This sense of entitlement I allowed and accepted brought about a spoiled nature in me that didn't care for my mom's explanations of why I couldn't have a Nintendo, I know I probably cried and begged my mom for it! and.. come Christmas I would get exactly what I wanted. So this entitlement I allowed and accepted was birthed through getting what I wanted. It is interesting because I can see this pattern in my life through all stages of my youth and into adult life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting entitlement with in me and as me, so much so that if I did not get what I felt entitled too, I would shut down, cry,kick,and scream if that's what it took to get what I wanted. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go through such an experience of feeling entitled because the truth is I am not entitled to anything and by allowing and accepting entitlement as myself I have also allowed and accepted a lot of pain and discomfort for myself and my mother.
This sense of entitlement and the pain I have caused others because of it is very deep within me. I remember having a friend named Lucas, we hung out a lot and found a connection between us because of his eastern European roots and mine, we kind of bonded through that and became good friends. Anyways - he came to my door once with $20, back in the day as a youngster $20 was a lot of money and I was excited with what we could do with the money. So we went to an arcade near by and played game for a few hours and even got candys and sweets with the money. It was certainly an enjoyable day. I remember it happening a lot where he would come to my door with money and we would spend it together. Eventually he told me he was stealing the money from her father and that his father was starting to catch on that money was going missing. I remember coercing him into taking more, reminding him of all the fun we had with the money and that he should take more and just be careful not to get caught. He would do it for a couple more times but eventually he wasn't doing it anymore out of fear of being caught. I know how this might sound and I am very ashamed of what I did to lucas. I saw his fear of being caught and I used it against him. I told him if he didn't steal more money from his parents that I would tell them he was stealing money from them. What a friend I was! I am truly sorry for that Lucas. I doubt you will ever read this but if you do, know that I am very sorry for what I did to you back in the day.
So this sense of entitlement has led to abuse. I'll rephrase that, by me allowing and accepting entitlement as who I am, I therefor allowed and accepted myself to abuse others in the name of this self imposed entitlement. So, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse others to fulfill my own self entitlement. Accepting and allowing abuse upon others in order to experience myself as entitled, and doing whatever it took to achieve what I felt I was entitled to. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting entitlement as who I was as a child. I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to let go of my self imposed entitlement when I realized that allowing entitlement was wrong and was hurting others and myself. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to adopt a selfish spoiled character as a child and used other peoples well being in order to gain and appease my self accepted nature of being spoiled and entitled.
As I grew this selfish character of entitlement grew as well. When I was 12 my dad took me to live with him and his new wife whom had two sons from a previous marriage. Which was cool cause I always wanted an older brother and a younger brother. anyways I remember getting into a lot of fights with my dad, he would always remind me of where I came from and that my mom was responsible for raising me up the way I was. So, I felt different from my step brothers because 90% of the issues in the house were because of me.
continuing tomorrow.
My Journey through Life
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
day 24 has come back to haunt me
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
Day 25
"honor" it sounds an awful lot like "on her" take care "on ear-th". Side note: What we honor is the dollar, it's written on our collars. The meaning of honor is to: "take care on her". Her is the girls, her is the doorway to life for most species. (ear-th) her-self is often referred to that way.
Care: "c-'ear" on "ear-th" requires that you listen with your "c-ear" . listening can be difficult with a busy mind so practice breathing deeply and slowly. Image a white tiger if you will, can you see it? cool eh? So the word care for me means to: Listen. To listen is a decision though, because we can listen to the back chat or we can stop and listen with c(ear) here. Yeah, that's what i will redefine care as "ear" which is cool cause now i can rhyme "ear" with "here" and it all makes sense . That is what is required of us all, including the portal = being clear here with care. If there is "beings" talking through "her" then she can only listen with care.
Honor matters. We can not neglect that. If you see an insect in your way, take care, take care of you, you take care of you? no, life. that's what you are, nothing more, nothing less. equal and one. The problem is humans have forgotten the word "honor" and their equality with all things. I too have forgotten once upon a time, i know that it is possible to break free from self imposed limitation. equal to me you have no excuse to continue to abuse. to all the O.G's I'm here to stay, and don't forget to forgive yourself right away.
"honor" it sounds an awful lot like "on her" take care "on ear-th". Side note: What we honor is the dollar, it's written on our collars. The meaning of honor is to: "take care on her". Her is the girls, her is the doorway to life for most species. (ear-th) her-self is often referred to that way.
Care: "c-'ear" on "ear-th" requires that you listen with your "c-ear" . listening can be difficult with a busy mind so practice breathing deeply and slowly. Image a white tiger if you will, can you see it? cool eh? So the word care for me means to: Listen. To listen is a decision though, because we can listen to the back chat or we can stop and listen with c(ear) here. Yeah, that's what i will redefine care as "ear" which is cool cause now i can rhyme "ear" with "here" and it all makes sense . That is what is required of us all, including the portal = being clear here with care. If there is "beings" talking through "her" then she can only listen with care.
Honor matters. We can not neglect that. If you see an insect in your way, take care, take care of you, you take care of you? no, life. that's what you are, nothing more, nothing less. equal and one. The problem is humans have forgotten the word "honor" and their equality with all things. I too have forgotten once upon a time, i know that it is possible to break free from self imposed limitation. equal to me you have no excuse to continue to abuse. to all the O.G's I'm here to stay, and don't forget to forgive yourself right away.
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
Day 30
the word alcohol originates from Arabic and translates into: THE RECTIFIED "SPIRIT" OF FOOLISHNESS, Agoul. I do not like alcohol or those who consume alcohol. I do not like it because it alters my physical presence as well as my state of mind, to such a degree, that i do not understand how anyone could consume it. it taste like shit, it makes my belly swell, and if i drink too much i become rambunctious, looking to fight and fuck everythang! my vision becomes severely impaired often leading me to puke where i stand, plus the hangovers are dreadful.
I have been surrounded by alcohol for the past 13 months, it is proving to be quite the challenge. I haven't had a drink since new years eve 2016 so you can imagine having to see, smell, and associate with it every day for the past year. I have poured out more alcohol than I have drank in my entire life! i'm not joking. it's sad, i can see the damage it causes when severely abused. I can see the contrast between sober and drunk and the hardest part is when it is someone you care about. That is why i hold this aggressive stance against alcohol, i become full of pitty for all those stubble homes at 2 am. It is beyond me how someone can enjoy being so gawd dam altered. People tell my I am "lucky" that i do not drink... I tell them/her/him they are confusing "choice" with "luck".
so, what will i do, I just don't know. Do I stay involved with alcohol or do i split. Am i giving up? I am not a weak individual so i feel as though i am giving up on a 13 months long investment. i don't want to give up so easily, but drunk people are like ghouls, just horrendous creatures they are. ya ya there people like me, but they choose to harm themselves, I do not. there fore they are horrendous creators, emotional escalators, and plain retards. don't like it? to bad, welcome to reality.
I apply forgiveness around this point every day. My i am torn between deciding whether to leave or stay. i'll figure this out and write about it another time. thanks for reading cheers!
the word alcohol originates from Arabic and translates into: THE RECTIFIED "SPIRIT" OF FOOLISHNESS, Agoul. I do not like alcohol or those who consume alcohol. I do not like it because it alters my physical presence as well as my state of mind, to such a degree, that i do not understand how anyone could consume it. it taste like shit, it makes my belly swell, and if i drink too much i become rambunctious, looking to fight and fuck everythang! my vision becomes severely impaired often leading me to puke where i stand, plus the hangovers are dreadful.
I have been surrounded by alcohol for the past 13 months, it is proving to be quite the challenge. I haven't had a drink since new years eve 2016 so you can imagine having to see, smell, and associate with it every day for the past year. I have poured out more alcohol than I have drank in my entire life! i'm not joking. it's sad, i can see the damage it causes when severely abused. I can see the contrast between sober and drunk and the hardest part is when it is someone you care about. That is why i hold this aggressive stance against alcohol, i become full of pitty for all those stubble homes at 2 am. It is beyond me how someone can enjoy being so gawd dam altered. People tell my I am "lucky" that i do not drink... I tell them/her/him they are confusing "choice" with "luck".
so, what will i do, I just don't know. Do I stay involved with alcohol or do i split. Am i giving up? I am not a weak individual so i feel as though i am giving up on a 13 months long investment. i don't want to give up so easily, but drunk people are like ghouls, just horrendous creatures they are. ya ya there people like me, but they choose to harm themselves, I do not. there fore they are horrendous creators, emotional escalators, and plain retards. don't like it? to bad, welcome to reality.
I apply forgiveness around this point every day. My i am torn between deciding whether to leave or stay. i'll figure this out and write about it another time. thanks for reading cheers!
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
Day 31 Spite
spite - plight - fight - spit - spit it out! - "dicks as far as the eye can see" lol -Joe
Spite is an internal reaction allowed and accepted to exist within me, by me, towards me. It causes a lot of friction and resistance on the inside and by allowing and accepting such an experience, I allow and accept it in/towards others. It manifests in many ways such as words, actions, thoughts, whatever medium I participate through, it is in fact harmful to everyone around me and i do not want, nor will i allow myself to go unchecked with regards to spite. Yes cerise, leaving even %5 spite in this world is too much to leave behind for our children thus I will remove that %5 here today starting with me.
I care about all those who walk this process inclining me to investigate the harm i have caused through spite towards myself and the relationships i have/had with other destonians. I will refer to one fellow destonian as, "X" as I do not wish to bring anything up in detail about what happened in the past, instead deal specifically with how i have carried it with me today and from today onward put it behind me for good.
X is a good man. Yet this spite that I allow within me doesn't want to believe that, instead look for any little thing possible to hate and drag what I know to be true (x is a good man) into dragging x down not directly but who I believe X to be within me. So there is a conflict with what I KNOW to be true and what the SPITE I allow within me wants to MAKE true but certainly isn't.
X made a stand a long time ago to stop engaging me. However X decided to get in touch about a year and a half ago to ask how things were going. the conversation went smoothly and I was happy that it did. However the next day or so, I had noticed that X re-blocked me on FB. I allowed and accepted spite as a reaction to that. I asked myself a shit load of impossible questions like, "why did x do that" "was x seeking a reaction by doing that" "what was X's intent in getting intouch with me only to block me the next day?" these are unfair questions because I can only ever answer my internal experiences to myself, as i am the one that created them.
So, I have ruined a great relationship with somone that quite frankly showed me the door to my own salvation. So the spite wants so desperately to blame things on X when it is really me being Spiteful towards myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse and therefor end our relationship. People understand when I say "abused" i dont mean, "fuck you dude" or some sequence of words, I in fact had a direct negative impact in his life and those he cares about. THAT is REAL shit and I carry a lot of regret and spite towards myself for that. Although to make one thing clear, X wouldn't recognize me in comparison to my past because I have made a 180 in my life starting a couple years ago.
Maybe things will never fully heal between us, but I will heal the way I portray us to myself, this spite I hold towards myself for what I have allowed and accepted between us let go of, in order to release this Spite within me. Which can be also called regret sure but as a reaction to regret I have allowed spite in order to not face what i have allowed and accepted to occurs. I place myself where I stood so long ago, and I apologize for the harm I cause X and those he cares about. I apologize and only request that x find it in him to forgive my of my past actions and perhaps build on that towards something new, something fresh. However I understand if X will not accept, I understand that sometimes it is in fact best to just let go completely and I respect that. As I will do that same. Take care X, only my best goes out to you and your loved ones. o/
thanks for reading.
spite - plight - fight - spit - spit it out! - "dicks as far as the eye can see" lol -Joe
Spite is an internal reaction allowed and accepted to exist within me, by me, towards me. It causes a lot of friction and resistance on the inside and by allowing and accepting such an experience, I allow and accept it in/towards others. It manifests in many ways such as words, actions, thoughts, whatever medium I participate through, it is in fact harmful to everyone around me and i do not want, nor will i allow myself to go unchecked with regards to spite. Yes cerise, leaving even %5 spite in this world is too much to leave behind for our children thus I will remove that %5 here today starting with me.
I care about all those who walk this process inclining me to investigate the harm i have caused through spite towards myself and the relationships i have/had with other destonians. I will refer to one fellow destonian as, "X" as I do not wish to bring anything up in detail about what happened in the past, instead deal specifically with how i have carried it with me today and from today onward put it behind me for good.
X is a good man. Yet this spite that I allow within me doesn't want to believe that, instead look for any little thing possible to hate and drag what I know to be true (x is a good man) into dragging x down not directly but who I believe X to be within me. So there is a conflict with what I KNOW to be true and what the SPITE I allow within me wants to MAKE true but certainly isn't.
X made a stand a long time ago to stop engaging me. However X decided to get in touch about a year and a half ago to ask how things were going. the conversation went smoothly and I was happy that it did. However the next day or so, I had noticed that X re-blocked me on FB. I allowed and accepted spite as a reaction to that. I asked myself a shit load of impossible questions like, "why did x do that" "was x seeking a reaction by doing that" "what was X's intent in getting intouch with me only to block me the next day?" these are unfair questions because I can only ever answer my internal experiences to myself, as i am the one that created them.
So, I have ruined a great relationship with somone that quite frankly showed me the door to my own salvation. So the spite wants so desperately to blame things on X when it is really me being Spiteful towards myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse and therefor end our relationship. People understand when I say "abused" i dont mean, "fuck you dude" or some sequence of words, I in fact had a direct negative impact in his life and those he cares about. THAT is REAL shit and I carry a lot of regret and spite towards myself for that. Although to make one thing clear, X wouldn't recognize me in comparison to my past because I have made a 180 in my life starting a couple years ago.
Maybe things will never fully heal between us, but I will heal the way I portray us to myself, this spite I hold towards myself for what I have allowed and accepted between us let go of, in order to release this Spite within me. Which can be also called regret sure but as a reaction to regret I have allowed spite in order to not face what i have allowed and accepted to occurs. I place myself where I stood so long ago, and I apologize for the harm I cause X and those he cares about. I apologize and only request that x find it in him to forgive my of my past actions and perhaps build on that towards something new, something fresh. However I understand if X will not accept, I understand that sometimes it is in fact best to just let go completely and I respect that. As I will do that same. Take care X, only my best goes out to you and your loved ones. o/
thanks for reading.
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
Day 32 letting go.
After holding on for so long letting go becomes quite a challenge, even when I know that letting go is the best thing to do. I have experianced this in many forms in my life like substance abuse, relationships with girls, gaming ect. In regard to relationships the one thing that stands out most is missing their physical presence. Of course there is more to an individual than just their physic presence and that is the reason I had to let go. I can not change anyone and I've known that for a long time but I have also come to realize that I can not support someone that doesn't want to be supported. I myself was not willing to support myself within the relationships thus always ending up at these cross roads of spite/animosity with in myself towards myself. Somtimes I can see where the relationship is going waaay before it gets to those cross roads and yet I still participate, compounding the consequences I now must face.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a relationship simply for the physical presence of having somone around totally disregarding the fact that the individual them self is not what I am looking for in another thus accepting less than what I would expect from someone I am in an agreement/relationship with. Therefor I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to apply myself accordingly with in an agreemebt /relationship to have the best outcome for the both of us even if that outcome involves ending the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing someone's physical presence because I now realize that I can not dictate who stays in my life or not because as individuals it is up to us to sit with ourselves and be content with ourselves there for I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at the relationship I was involved in from an objective starting point thus allowing and accepting the consequences to compound.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cycle through the same patterns within relationships/agreements instead of breaking the cycle accepting and allowing less than from myself in the hopes of holding on, there for I realize that by holding on to an abuse pattern that I have only compounded the consequences further. I commit myself to not allow and accept the cycle of abuse anymore and to walk the experiance of letting go wholly without resistance using breath and self forgiveness until it is done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to adopt a lie within my awareness of a failed relationship in order to keep the physical presence I was after, by doing so I allowed and accepted not only an abusive wall of separation within me to hide the real experiance I was having thus participating with polarity so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place blinders over the awareness/realization I had so long ago with regards to letting go.
After holding on for so long letting go becomes quite a challenge, even when I know that letting go is the best thing to do. I have experianced this in many forms in my life like substance abuse, relationships with girls, gaming ect. In regard to relationships the one thing that stands out most is missing their physical presence. Of course there is more to an individual than just their physic presence and that is the reason I had to let go. I can not change anyone and I've known that for a long time but I have also come to realize that I can not support someone that doesn't want to be supported. I myself was not willing to support myself within the relationships thus always ending up at these cross roads of spite/animosity with in myself towards myself. Somtimes I can see where the relationship is going waaay before it gets to those cross roads and yet I still participate, compounding the consequences I now must face.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a relationship simply for the physical presence of having somone around totally disregarding the fact that the individual them self is not what I am looking for in another thus accepting less than what I would expect from someone I am in an agreement/relationship with. Therefor I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to apply myself accordingly with in an agreemebt /relationship to have the best outcome for the both of us even if that outcome involves ending the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing someone's physical presence because I now realize that I can not dictate who stays in my life or not because as individuals it is up to us to sit with ourselves and be content with ourselves there for I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at the relationship I was involved in from an objective starting point thus allowing and accepting the consequences to compound.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cycle through the same patterns within relationships/agreements instead of breaking the cycle accepting and allowing less than from myself in the hopes of holding on, there for I realize that by holding on to an abuse pattern that I have only compounded the consequences further. I commit myself to not allow and accept the cycle of abuse anymore and to walk the experiance of letting go wholly without resistance using breath and self forgiveness until it is done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to adopt a lie within my awareness of a failed relationship in order to keep the physical presence I was after, by doing so I allowed and accepted not only an abusive wall of separation within me to hide the real experiance I was having thus participating with polarity so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place blinders over the awareness/realization I had so long ago with regards to letting go.
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
Day 33 "who are we if we don't try"
Within me was an emotion telling me that stopping animal abuse is impossible and basically to give up on trying to end the animal abuse that exist in our world.
Who am I if I do not try?. This struck home because it is true, I won't allow animal abuse, I will do whatever I can to end it. I only get a blink of an eye in this world and that implies that there is a constant, moment by moment, breath by breath stand to be made against animal abuse. Even if it seems out of reach who am I if I do make the effort to reach out to end animal abuse?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on animals that are being abused
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting animal abuse in our world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse animals
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to take a stand against animal abuse regardless of what is in the future it is here and now that matters and who I am within here and now towards animals that is measurable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself abuse others and their will to find solutions by telling them there is nothing we can do
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to harm animals further by accepting and allowing an emotional reaction to move me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with mind energy as emotions when faced with animal abuse images/videos
I understand just how horrific we as humans have become to animals and life in general and I do not allow and accept that same nature within me by accepting that nothing can be done about it. I commit myself to stop and breathe when faced with animal abuse and to apply the understanding that participating with my emotions won't change a dam thing! And that not a dam thing changing is not acceptable! It must be changed! It will be changed! I commit myself to never again cast aside animals that are abused with the justification that it won't ever change! I will no longer accept myself to participate with that thought pattern and instead adopt a new one! That my reach can have an impact and I will have an impact on my reality to assist and support change in how we treate animals. I will reinforce my stance of thanking my food that gave up its life so that I may live, eggs, beef, fish, chicken, all of them deserve my upmost respect and honor for assisting my body. I commit myself to remain in harmony as I have been with how much animal products I consume. All animals deserve nothing less from me, my honor and respect, my loving compassion, and my strong influence on my direct reality through my presence and my words that I know can have a direct impact on those around me and the way they perceive/allow animal abuse.
Within me was an emotion telling me that stopping animal abuse is impossible and basically to give up on trying to end the animal abuse that exist in our world.
Who am I if I do not try?. This struck home because it is true, I won't allow animal abuse, I will do whatever I can to end it. I only get a blink of an eye in this world and that implies that there is a constant, moment by moment, breath by breath stand to be made against animal abuse. Even if it seems out of reach who am I if I do make the effort to reach out to end animal abuse?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on animals that are being abused
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting animal abuse in our world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse animals
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to take a stand against animal abuse regardless of what is in the future it is here and now that matters and who I am within here and now towards animals that is measurable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself abuse others and their will to find solutions by telling them there is nothing we can do
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to harm animals further by accepting and allowing an emotional reaction to move me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with mind energy as emotions when faced with animal abuse images/videos
I understand just how horrific we as humans have become to animals and life in general and I do not allow and accept that same nature within me by accepting that nothing can be done about it. I commit myself to stop and breathe when faced with animal abuse and to apply the understanding that participating with my emotions won't change a dam thing! And that not a dam thing changing is not acceptable! It must be changed! It will be changed! I commit myself to never again cast aside animals that are abused with the justification that it won't ever change! I will no longer accept myself to participate with that thought pattern and instead adopt a new one! That my reach can have an impact and I will have an impact on my reality to assist and support change in how we treate animals. I will reinforce my stance of thanking my food that gave up its life so that I may live, eggs, beef, fish, chicken, all of them deserve my upmost respect and honor for assisting my body. I commit myself to remain in harmony as I have been with how much animal products I consume. All animals deserve nothing less from me, my honor and respect, my loving compassion, and my strong influence on my direct reality through my presence and my words that I know can have a direct impact on those around me and the way they perceive/allow animal abuse.
- Luc St-Amand
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54
Re: My Journey through Life
I use to believe in desteni. Now I know desteni. They are not out to support you unless you are able to financially support them! If they spend time with you - it is an investment on their behalf, an investment into your hard earned cash. Desteni has accused me of not genuinely supporting myself and that is an accusation of deviating consequence. I have not only supported myself through out the past couple of years but those around me too. Desteni is nothing more than a bunch of people that understand the atrocities in the world and are looking to make an impact, which is cool, but they do not understand everything on a dimensional level! They are not perfect! No one is free in this world from the ego and the grip of emotions and feelings. I am often told to be self honest! Well I tell you some Destonians are still not self honest! They are LAZY! instead of getting a fucking job and supporting themselves they have takin on a journey of selling desteni as a product to those who hold the message close to their hearts! This is a message of change in the world! Yet they always state that this is the way the world is!!!! Is try to provide hope to people about numerous things such as poverty, animal abuse, and most importantly the fact the we are ABLE to change!!! I am living proof of that fact! But desteni is still made up of broken individuals that only seek their own self glorification! We are right, you are wrong! I disagree that the information on desteni should cost $15 dollars Canadian for a single session!!! They are not practical at all yet claim they are!!!!! If I spent the money they were asking for on all the interviews in e qaufe. I would spent upwards of a million dollars Canadian! There response to this is "that's the way the world is" all the while professing a new world! Greedy lazy farm people that NEED money! The slightest criticism from anyone that doesn't give them money is quickly made to look like they do not take responsibility or accountability in their life! Laughable to say the least!!! Beware! Read between the lines! Desteni is just a bunch of human beings looming to make a diffrence! They are not special they do not have your answers
Re: My Journey through Life
How do you define "Desteni"? Is it the community of people around the world who participate here on the forums, through social media, through blogs, vlogs, facebook groups, all without getting paid a single cent for what they do and have been doing - many of them for nearly a decade now?Luc St-Amand wrote:I use to believe in desteni. Now I know desteni. They are not out to support you unless you are able to financially support them! If they spend time with you - it is an investment on their behalf, an investment into your hard earned cash.
Or is the context of "Desteni" here referring to people specifically only on the farm - who do not have jobs in the world system to bring in any income at all but have still dedicated their entire lives to the mission and purpose of bringing the message to as many as possible? Because if these are the people that this topic is about then it is important to consider the amount of time and sacrifice each and every person on the farm has put in - much of which is NOT paid for.
Considering that many people are on sponsorship programs or walking the completely free of charge DIP LITE process, how many people we have stood with through thick and thin and had always been here to give support when someone asked, i am not seeing how your statement can be accurate.
If the intent of desteni was only money we could have gone a much easier route lol.
Here is the thing. Whenever you feel accused of something and feel you must defend yourself against someone else, one thing to look at is why you feel you must defend yourself. Because if you are absolutely clear that the words of another person have no basis at all, then why would you have an energetic reaction of needing to prove yourself? This isn't personal or meant to highlight you as a target - this is a design that exists in all of us equally.Luc St-Amand wrote:Desteni has accused me of not genuinely supporting myself and that is an accusation of deviating consequence. I have not only supported myself through out the past couple of years but those around me too. Desteni is nothing more than a bunch of people that understand the atrocities in the world and are looking to make an impact, which is cool, but they do not understand everything on a dimensional level! They are not perfect! No one is free in this world from the ego and the grip of emotions and feelings. I am often told to be self honest! Well I tell you some Destonians are still not self honest! They are LAZY! instead of getting a fucking job and supporting themselves they have takin on a journey of selling desteni as a product to those who hold the message close to their hearts!
The way this point is being put forward needs to be looked at. The response here to "being accused" by Desteni seems to be immediately accuse Desteni back. This leaves no room for investigation, discovery, discussion, problem solving. If there were any practical points that could have been brought forward for an open assessment, it is buried by accusation and blame, which is a cycle that begins with ourselves when we experience that something or someone else is blaming/accusing us when in fact this experience can only exist, and be allowed to persist within us, if we have something to defend or feel powerless about.
Changing the world requires that we be self-honest with what the world really is, not what we want it to be. The same goes with our process of self-change - we cannot change and become the best versions of ourselves if we are dishonest about who and what we currently are. Right now we live in a co-created world where we depend on money for survival, let alone for creating anything of value. I would say that desteni is not about giving hope - because hope implies that one day someone will come fix it all for us and we won't have to change who we are. This has never been the message of desteni as far as I have been a part of it for a decade now. We understand that the world system is made up of individuals, and it is the individuals who must change WHILE still working with the system that is here, not going against it.Luc St-Amand wrote: This is a message of change in the world! Yet they always state that this is the way the world is!!!! Is try to provide hope to people about numerous things such as poverty, animal abuse, and most importantly the fact the we are ABLE to change!!! I am living proof of that fact! But desteni is still made up of broken individuals that only seek their own self glorification! We are right, you are wrong!
Again if self-glorification was our goal it could have much more easily been achieved by giving the message of "Hope" and "Love" and talk about angels and spiritual elevation and all the ways in which people can abdicate their responsibility and self-change - there is a huge market for that kind of message and we could have easily glorified ourselves through that. Yet we find ourselves in a curious position because our principle is self-honesty and what is best for all - and this means we don't pander or compromise the principles of desteni.
In this world - honestly - can anyone really do anything of lasting impact without money as a vehicle? For us to do everything free all the time would have meant that we gave in to morality - gave in to compromise - gave in to the very fear and separation and inferiority that is in every way counter to the message of desteni. So - to say that we seek self-glorification seems an odd stretch. Because either we have stood by principles in which we do not compromise and therefore continue with integrity of what Desteni is about, or we have been trying to glorify ourselves but doing a terrible job of it by trying to give the most difficult, reaction causing, non-feel good message of all time that has brought us countless haters and personal grief.
There are some very important and valid points here. We also agree that Desteni material should not cost $15 canadian dollars. Unfortunately since all of us here at the farm (I assume you mean only those on the farm in South Africa when you say "Desteni") have pledged our daily lives to doing everything possible to not only maintain our bodies, health, land, and the animals in our care in a world system run on debt and money, we also spend the majority of our time on chats, developing lessons, creating new material, working one on one with our trainees, and taking care of all of the maintenance, upkeep, and administration that goes behind making desteni possible - we don't have enough hours in a day to also fit in a job that brings in income in exchange for us stopping everything we're doing in order to not have to ask for money and support to bring forth the only real message worth listening to in this world.Luc St-Amand wrote:I disagree that the information on desteni should cost $15 dollars Canadian for a single session!!! They are not practical at all yet claim they are!!!!! If I spent the money they were asking for on all the interviews in e qaufe. I would spent upwards of a million dollars Canadian! There response to this is "that's the way the world is" all the while professing a new world! Greedy lazy farm people that NEED money! The slightest criticism from anyone that doesn't give them money is quickly made to look like they do not take responsibility or accountability in their life! Laughable to say the least!!! Beware! Read between the lines! Desteni is just a bunch of human beings looming to make a diffrence! They are not special they do not have your answers
We have the challenge of having to "sell" something people will be most resistant to hear. We have the challenge of having to ask for money and support because there is no market for what we have to offer, and we don't compromise on our core principles and won’t try to dress up the message to be more appealing and make enough sales to be able to give more for free or drastically reduce our pricing. So - our question would be are there people in this world willing to make sure we are provided for and that all of our needs can be met and we can live free from worry of daily survival? If so, I am certain desteni would gladly make all material free. But unless that can happen, we have a responsibility to maintain ourselves in a world system that is hostile to the concepts we stand by, and so we must charge what we charge for our subsistence, not for our luxury, or profit, let alone our "greed".
But another point you make is that we are in fact a bunch of human beings trying to make a difference. We are not special. We do not have your answers. One of the first messages Desteni gives is to NOT TRUST DESTENI. We are not here to be anyone's master or guru. We are here to show that oneness and equality is the principle that frees us all. We are here to show that what will change the world is not superhumans or special people - but individuals like you and me, each changing themselves first. We do not have YOUR answers - only you can give yourself the answers you seek. What we give is the tools, the cross reference, the support, the frameworks, and our commitment to principles and holding to your utmost potentials even in moments when you sometimes lose sight of it and get stuck in a mind pattern. Nowhere have we said we can save you, free you, or give you anything that you don't give to yourself or that we will in any way walk your process for you - and in this we will never compromise.