My Journey through Life

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Carrie
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Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Carrie » 03 Apr 2015, 20:34

Hey Luc. Thanks for sharing. Cool to see you walking this point - I'm certain there are any men (and women) that can relate.

Something fun to practice is to not allow yourself to go into your mind when you're having sex with your partner - so if the thoughts and images come up, stop for what you're doing for a moment, breath, let go, and then continue on.

Also, bring your awareness to your WHOLE body. Wow man, when you do this, sex becomes so much more expressive and enjoyable.



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Andrea Rossouw
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 11:41

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Andrea Rossouw » 03 Apr 2015, 20:36

Hi Luc,

If you are interested in exploring these experiences further,

I would suggest take more of a look into this second statement:
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with being dominated by my partner ontop and in control as being safe and feeling comfortable, protected, i commit myself to again only see it with my eyes and not my mind and take it as it happens as a physical expression and not a state of mind or by participating with the mind in anyway
For example you mentioned in your writings and in this statement:

being safe - from what or who, why does this position during sex make you feel safe?
protected - also from what or who and why that specific position?

You also mentioned:

dominate position - why?

pinning her down making the act of sex a bit smoother, most likely more of an impact too - why smoother and why the need for 'impact'?



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Apr 2015, 22:34

Much like a women feels safe or protected by her male partner that can also apply to males through their female partners. When she is ontop she is wrapped around me, in control of the physical connection between us(dominating) the act of sex between us. I guess this is just a diffrence in definition of how certian position offer dominating roles.

in regards to feeling safe or protected from a spicific thing or person, probably not, but having some one wrapped around ontop of you sort of shielding you, idk i guess its a way of expressing it into words. im also sure you know i dont have a spicific answer for the question either...

Ok since your asking for a discription, when i am on top, and im really going at it, my thrusts can push her a little higher on the bed and usualy if i dont get a grip on her hips some how, she heads up at the top of the bed with her head hitting the head boards... so i vice her hips by putting my hand close together on the bed and when i straighten my arms it kind of locks her in place, making the act of sex smoother and yes far more impacting as this is usually at her request.

if you have any further question about my sex expressions feel free to ask, ill answer them as best as possible.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 04 Apr 2015, 02:29

Day 14 religion

Today is good friday and alot of my family are firm believers. I see there posts on fb promoting their beliefs and the ressurection of jesus. I admit there that i react towards the belief of a god quick to denounce their passages and comment. I dont comment directly instead allow the voice of reason and rationalization come through me.

When i was young I believed in god (christianity) as that what was taught to me and i certianly didn't want to go to hell. yet i had a lot of agnostic and eithiest beliefs installed in me at a young age aswell which i am thankful for to say the least.

I found ways of convincing people that there was a god. I was taught through my pasture at church that I was special and would one day vangelicly lead people to christ. I came up with lots of debative arguements towards athiest even though at the time i myself wasn't sure of a god but i certianly wanted to believe i was special lol.

First off, you love your mother right? You love your child right? Well where does your love go when you die? Do you stop loving your child or parents after you die? It was a clever play on people emotions because mist want to believe the love lives on even in death. essentially useing and abusing the so called definition of love to assertian a belief that their love lives through death would inturn prove the existance of a god no? Lol horrible little fuck! i came up with several arguements such as this to try and convert agnostics and athiest, because i wanted to be special... lol

obviously as I grew common sense became my starting point aswell as weed but non the less desteni found me lol which really shook off my doubt and willful desire to believe in a god. Im sure i have stated before that my realization of "no god" came to me in the form of tears, because through the right moment and the right questions, i was able to see just how i myself was my own god, how i myself allowed and accepted through my own participation creation and everything within it.

So religion become nothing more then a pinyatta that i beat around every now and then, so colorful and full of beautiful sweets, but a lie! Nothing but a lie! And to this day i still take swipes at religion, using the gifts i have been given to prove its division.

So in a way I have adopted desteni as my "god" good onto dust. Proving that how we live our lives matter, and that the only real honor of life is life. but i have a reaisitance towards the fools that choose ignorantly to beLIEve in heaven and hell and some sky guy that watches over us.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a belief that religion is bad and by doing so attaching the belief that those whom believe in religion are bad, and by doing so seperating myself as good because i dont do the bad religious thing. I commit myself to realize i am not good or special that i realize and understand that all life is good and special no matter their beliefs. And i commit myself to treate everyone religious or not equaly with in self support and self honesty realizing i can not change a person only support and assist where i see myself able to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become aposed when seeing family or friends posting about good friday and the death and resurrection of christ, when maybe he did get killed today idk and maybe he didnt really die just awoke from a comma idk, all i do know is here and now and how i choose to participate in honoring life in all its form and that included religious form aswell, because life is not defined through beliefs, i commit myself to stop and breathe every savoury pressious gift of breath that i am given to establish myself with in stability of this realization and to never again allow myself to look at a human life through is disicions and choices and i commit myself to forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold this same dimension of judgement upon myself as though i am defined by oast dicisions and choices when i completely understand ajd realize that is not true and i am who i am with this breath, i am what i do! Not what i did.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting religion in this world the very creation of the word anf its implimentation, i am fully responsible for the outcome of religion as division and i commit myself to take utter responsibility within breath to never again allow myself to participate with division from life regardless of religion. I commit myself ti breathe and hold on tight to this realizatiom whenever i notice my mind taking its revenge and i stated before it know every strand of hair on my head, and i commit myself to know myself equaly as the ego to overcome and place behind me the mind as reactions and use the mind as it has used me to bring about a better world for all, it can be.done and will be done and will be done for our daughters and sons to live in a world where tolerance to abuse is no longer accepted, where everyone has a chance to realize their potential and no one will ever abuse another through their self interested self.glory and instead apply true glory - CORRECTION. untill it is done.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 05 Apr 2015, 03:32

Day 15 words

Words are vast, there are so many diffrent words that have the same meaning. An example would be: happy, joyful, gay, good. So one could say I feel good, and I feel happy. When I hear either one, i get the idea. I ask myself what diffrence in interpretation do I get when hearing both words? And why? Not the best example but easy to understand as the words become more complicated.

There are a lot of words that have the same meaning yet somhow have been created. Do they discribe in more detial? Do they reveal more or less then their counterparts. Like the word anger, or rage, even fury, do they not intail the same exact experiance in their discription. To me they do, And i find that words can complicate things, giving the exact same experiance more delusion to "simply" complicate things for myself lol

I have been reading a lot of posts today and throughout i found a lot of unecassary words. an example would be the word "organic robot" would it be the best to discribe myself as an organic robot when i clearly took a stand to direct myself? Why would I discribe myself as an organic robot? i admit our mental back chat can rise up pretty fast as us, but do we not see it? I do? Everything, how? Because i made a stand to question everything that happens within me. who, what, where, when, why, the five kings as an old friend once said. If I allow myself to be ruled by these then I am no longer an organic robot right? the very nature of these words are to move oneself within our reality right?

words are who I am, if i am complicated my words will be too, if i am.simplisitic my words will be too. ive heard arguements about getting a point across and needed complex words as discription!?! I call fairyshit cause whats the point of getting across only a few, because I know most are not educated into these complex words and are only developed within the lucky few %1.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the complexities in words to hide behind within complex meanings that can complicate my stand in doing what is best for myself. I commit myself to take my stand and not label myself within complex words as i understand thise words are unecassary and only create seperation feom the the stand i made. I commit myself to realize and apply that everyones stand will be diffrent as my fall was my own doing and my stand is my own doing, and with in that apply the understanding that everyones process is their own and To focus on the words i have allowed as my water as my being and not the words of another. i commit myself to allow and accept myself to develope an understanding of my whos whats wheres and whens to be able to take a stand within myself in every internal reaction. Apply what I know to be true and removeing what i know to be faulse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt myself, to place human beings higher than me in an attempt to scare myself off from speaking my words and making my stand. I commit myself to apply what i have known but never applied, we are all equally fucked and no one is free until all are free. I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my full potential through fear of others and what others may think. So i will speak without fear from here on out!

I am going to be a pastor! Yes i am going to preach the good Book lol i figure what better way to infultrate the system by becomeing it! A real wolf in sheeps clothing! Hahah! I always believed fear is a great way to sway man! And if fear can make a man double think their actions then by all means!!! a pastor haha so ill be able to get my voice heard, of course the approach to this will have to be carefully considered as to not give myself away but man can you imagen the influence one could have for life being.in that position! Woops maybe i shouldent talk about it here! Lol priase god(life) :)



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 06 Apr 2015, 14:12

Day 16 smoking cigarettes

Its been four days of not smoking the traditional ciggarette, instead i am useing an e-smoke (electric smoke) that still delivers nicotine without the added 4000 harmful chemicals included in our traditional ciggarettes.

Some of the bennifits are noticable right away. Like saving money for one. But also physical bennifits, a week ago i was hitting the bag for 3-4 minutes at a time perfusly sweating and breathless, yesterday just 3 days of no ciggarettes and i am hitting the bag 5-6 minutes and no wheres close to the same amount of sweating. Of course i am not coughing during the night anymore and the expansion in my lungs feels a lot cleaner and fuller.

I remember a post once stating that smoking isnt bad but our beliefs attached to it were... lol as i stated then and will state now, thats fairy shit! The truth of matter is when you combine things together they change. Like vinigar and baking soda. Its not our beliefs that make the effect take place, its physical properties of both substances that create the fuzzing bubbly expasion. The same goes for our bodies, if we add certian things to our bodys there will be effects, some positive some negative, its the reality we live in. Simple.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to start smoking cigarettes because i saw people around me smoking from a young age and wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. I commit myself to stand within my disicion to quit smoking as the bennifits are undeniable and certianly improve the quality of my life. I understand that when i smoke my body is screaming at me from the top of my lungs lol and i will honor my body by never again allowing and accepting myself to smoke a ciggarette.

4 weeks ago i weighted in at 185lbs, yesterday i weighted in at nearly 207lbs. My body is showing me its ability to store nutrients and substance since my disicion to quit weed 40 days ago and obvioisly ciggarettes will increases this bodily ability. Because i did the research and turns out either typ of smoke strips the body of nutrient and vietamins because the body uses them to expell the poisons and nasties that come with smoke weed or cigs

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to intake a substance that harmed my body and to justify my actions be adopting beliefs as reality, believing that if i change my starting point towards tabaco that all of a sudden tobacco wont have negative effects on me lmfao totaly going against the principles i stand for where i understand believes are useless, beLIEfs are lies and that the only thing real is matter and what is here infront of me, denying these facts of matter these matter of facts is not what i have been shown and is not what i will participate with, the physical is screaming out and we must listen!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ignore the physical in hopes that by installing beliefs the physcial will change according to my beliefs lol i realize and understand that god(the physical) could careless for beliefs, instead honors physical actions that prove to inhance ones quality of life and that by inhancing oneself you are infact inhancing life! Which is the only real value that is being ignored with the faulsehood of beliefs.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to.participate with tabaco with a belief that what i believe as a starting point to tabaco will change its outcome lol i commit myself to see the physical for what it is as beliefs as fairy shit cause they have to place in our reality.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 07 Apr 2015, 12:56

Cult education :o i can not believe the ignorance of people. Hitler, anu, ghosts, demons, god, the devil, atlantians, you name it, there is somthing for everyone.

If the video is intitled, "poor people in africa will that attract people?" Maybe if the video is titled, "hitler seen in small village of africa?!?" Now people are going to go butt fuckin crazy! Lol

The portal is nothing more than a straw, you put the straw in the truth and you suck!! Suck it up! slurp slurp!

If I said: Im the easter bunny' and people starve to death... what is important within that statement? The fact that I said Im the easter bunny or the fact that people unecassarly suffer? Of course the statement, "im the easter bunny is rather exsentric and outlandish, but does that discredit the following statement? If so, ask yourself why? WHY ?!? When we deticate an entire fucking day to the easterbunny, we spend millions tickling the taist buds of our children with choclatey goodness on a spicific day plasterd and personafied with the fucking easter bunny?!? grow up! Losers! uselessness!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get angery at people that attack desteni and it's members to harshly! I commit myself to stop and breathe to ensure I dont crack skulls if ever approached in life by anti desteni folk! Lol im not an agressive guy mostly, i mean my instict to defend physicaly is always due to physical outputs. I have never thrown a first punch. Anyways i forgive myself for allowing and accepting a defensive stance when observing the massive stupidity in the world and i must learn to see everyone as having the potential to realize themselves aswell commit myself to realize that everyone is needed and that life has no bias towards peoples opinions only i as mind do. I commit myself to realize that the truth in this world has been masked as a lie inorder for the lie to survive! Well i commit myself to demasking the lie! To forcefully remove the vails covering the truth! People scream out to us and i will answer their call!



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 08 Apr 2015, 11:21

Day 16 Unconscious

The word speaks for itself right, unaware, unobserved.

A good tool of support for myself is with my physical eyes, Where do they look?.. and When, why, where, who, what. I found this support to be effective yesterday. Somtimes what I look at is seen as insignificant but surely it is not, espechally true when I say to myself, "meh" but then... I look again! my physical body will point me in the right direction back to myself. Yesterday it was very revealing, I wont go into detail here but for myself support I realized I had to face it - I had to ask the questions.

I realize I am alone in this, i have cut tighs and burned bridges - a single bottled being that has to refill my own self, no one will do this for me.

I can and will do this, I have been through exactly what I needed to go through to shape myself a perfect fit for the "eye" of the needle. The unconditionaly forgive correct and commit myself will take time, well time is all we truely have as our individual selves, the only thing we can claim to be ours. "where there is time, there is mind" that intails a life long journey here, the only destination is death and until then I have to push myself towards the clues of myself, my patterns, my vocab, my conscious and unconsious.

One thing im sure we can all relate to is music, in the past I can recall playing a tune in my head over the course of acouple days. It's funny cause I'll say to myself, "enough already" im sick of this song! lol but i still play it in my head! Like, "dont break my heart my acky breaky heart, i just dont think you understand" :) its halarious cause the song is catchy but what the hell do i keep playing it in my head lol I realize because the physical is speaking to me, through thoughts, the physical is sacificing itself to show me somthing. somthing in the words perhaps needs to be faced, unconscious yes but if we really examine it, we can pull it into the conscious field of play, fair play in a way. Cause I have broke down the words that kept playing in my head, what I attach to the words, the feel if the words, there is sooo much to learn about myself through the smallest insignificant things.

All of my writings can become tedious, when I overlook them, i find self doubt, that system that is so use to keeping me - is loosing its grip.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to overlook the small things in my life realizing that the small things are probably the most significant, i commit myself to bring to my attention everything I consider insignificant within breath and write out the questions, as hard as it is, as much resisitance as there is, i WILL do this for myself, as i am by myself in this, gifted to lead myself, gone through to weed myself OUT! I commit myself to never again allow myself to consider instead commit, as everything is relivent even the smallest little things!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel alone within my process, when I know I am here to support myself, i place my hands on my body to comfort myself, i talk to myself about my day and the things i experianced because it is the way i have have paved for myself, it is the way back to myself, to honor myself, and I commit myself to never again attach value in others and I know the real value here is being here and remaining here, i commit myself to apply what I already know that by bringing myself back to the physical is the tool needed to correct the physical, my loved ones, my fellow destonians, humanity, animals, plants, they need me! And I will not fail them! PERIOD!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with others on a personal level, people that could careless and have thier own lives to attend too. I commit myself to apply breath forgive and forget whatever comes up within me in my own personal journal in regards to others, and i commit myself to realize that i am my own creator, thats it, thats all!



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 09 Apr 2015, 10:57

Day 17 seek and ye shall find

A constant search within the mind, a non stop action packed thriller full of anticipation and stimulation. One without desteni is on this ride, inevitably one will exhaust the mind, the failed attempts to understand themselves as the mind. understanding what you ARE makes asolutely no sense.

I remember when I was participating in the demonology forum, I had a "realization" about thoughts as where they come from. It ended with the idea that thoughts will come no matter what and its our duty to not participate with them... Not true, a lie that enables justification. This is my body, and what I experiance inside and out is my doing, i hollowed out the space for thoughts to take place, they are my doing and will be my undoing. thoughts are not somthing that just happen out of thin air!! fairy poo, the truth is I am responsible for them. I am there creator.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe thoughts are out of my control accepting and allowing a belief they manifest through thin air accepting and allowing a belief that I am forever subject to them, allowimg amd accepting justified abusive thoughts that have no prupose is creating a better life for all.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 10 Apr 2015, 13:01

Day 18 death of a pet

I've had a few pets in my life that past away and as usual there is dwelling memories that I allow to hurt me. One was my cat named Bear, i did forgiveness of the point and it seems it work, i have let it go. But yesterday another pet came up, my pet rat. His name was Milky, he was solid white. he past away 12 years years ago of old age.

Yesterday I participated with thoughts of coming home and he would hear me coming in the door and wait right by the frony door for me, put his nose in the air smelling for his daddy, i would greet him and put my arm down where he would imedialty climb up to my should and get a cumfy position licking my ear.

I was almost at tears when I remember it all. it came on very quick, one day he was fine, the next he could barely move, i knew his time was running out. The next moring he was gone. He was Loved, it hurt me a lot, i barried him and to this day he lives in my thoughts.

what gets me too, is how people buy rat and mice to feet to there snakes. Im not sure about mice or hamsters i mean i use to have some when i was a child but no wheres close to the same relationship i had with milky, i know it sounds ridiculous but he was very smart and social, he understood things very well. Like soft spoken words or loud spoken words, he knew he was loved and spoiled! I cry everytime i dwell on it, it's hard to say it, i "have to" let him go.. well instead, after proper assesment, I will let him go.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the memory of my pet rat that past away. As though death is not normal and he should still be here?!? Allowing and accepting myself to get hurt every time I think about him, I commit myself to see it for what it is, life and death go hand and hand and his passing was normal for a rat of his age, i commit myself to apply what I realize and to let go of the harmful thoughts that cause me to become striken here in this moment and to understand that this is not favorable behaviour for being stable and self empowered within my relationship with life and death and applying the understanding to all life that dies. There is nothing good that can come from dwelling on death, nothing practical within in, normal within the msc, so doing what is best, is not typical of the human but I understand this and I commit myself to apply my understanding and let go of the (me-more-lies) that have proven to do harm and no good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a memory of Milkys lovable sociability and attaxh value to him as though he is the only rat that is sociable and loving, indeed being selfish within that cause I realize that he was only valued as such because i raised him up and he was with me, all direct selfish points, nothing practical or of oneness with all rats, i commit myself to apply what I realize that all rats are loved by the affectionate owners and all rats are very sociable and affectionate in return.




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