My Journey through Life

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Maite
Posts: 571
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:08

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Maite » 30 Mar 2015, 12:19

Luc,

In terms of your registration, we sent you the following email:
Hi Luc,

In terms of the assignment - please understand that we were attempting to assist you in DIP Pro as soon as possible and therefore offered to let you start the lesson before you were able to make a payment, where we understood our system would allow such a point. We do not usually take such an approach and were making an exception for you. When we believed the lesson/assignment was available to you, we emailed you. Since we haven't used this approach before we weren't able to foresee a problem. We heard from your buddy that you had trouble accessing the lesson, so we contacted you. In your email you described the error message, which allowed us to understand the problem, however you also indicated you didn't mind waiting until the payment was made and that in the meantime you would apply what you have learned in DIP lite. That is why we did not further pursue the matter.

If you would still like to access your lesson asap, let us know as we did find a way to bypass our system.

In terms of the registration fee - when a person drops out of the course entirely and signs up again years later, we do consider it as a fresh start. If you are unable to afford the registration fee at this point, please email us so we can assist.

We hope this clears up any confusion or misunderstanding around your registration.

Thank you

Maite Zamora Moreno
The DIP Team
So - what this point is showing is that you have a tendency to 'make up an explanation' within yourself, where you allow your mind to influence how you perceive a situation when you are not clear on 'what is going on'. So - a practical application as correction would be to communicate with the individuals directly and ask for clarification so that you have all the information and there are no 'holes' and 'gaps' where your mind then attempts to 'explain' and 'fill in the gaps' as this gives rise to backchat and can definitely influence your relationship with individuals. On the other hand, when it comes to communication, also check that the other party has all the information as a person can only work off of the information you've directly communicated. When we are used to participating in backchat we tend to get confused between that which we have actually communicated and that which we have 'thought to communicate' - meaning: where, within our imagination, within our minds, we had conversations with people and said certain things or expressed certain wishes, but then didn't actually do it in physical reality.

So, whenever you notice confusion or you see you become reactive towards a point of communication - check: is the information equal in the phsyical: do I require more information from them (eg: ask for clarification) or do I require to provide more information (eg. express a problem, express an intention/wish/request/etc).

You can use these considerations to expand on your Self-Forgiveness above and add some Self-Corrective Statements to assist you to become Self-Directive on a practical level in similar situations in the future.

Enjoy!



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Carrie
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Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Carrie » 30 Mar 2015, 20:37

Hey Luc.

When I first started DIP, I faced something similar. I was worried about the financial part and unsure if I could keep up with the commitment. See, I wanted to contribute to those that developed the course and kept it going but at the time, and where I was with my budget, it looked like too much. So, I worked out in my mind that I didn't really need the course - that it was not required for my process and that I could do it myself with the writing and the self-forgiveness. Also, at that time, I hadn't yet come to the point within myself where I was okay with asking for support so I didn't see blogging for sponsorship as an option for me.

Within this mind-set, I was able to come up with all kinds of reasons and justifications for me quitting DIP and going it alone - from 'they don't like me anyway' to 'if I get a sponsorship, then it takes it away from someone else'. Fortunately, a friend saw that I was going on the defense and into my ego, and suggested that I listen to Revenge of the Ego - by Bernard Poolman and wow, what an eye opener to see how I had been self-sabotaging myself with all of these thoughts, backchats, ideas, beliefs, excuses, reasons, and justifications to cover-up the point that I was really having issues with which was my money fears.

I made the decision from there to stick with DIP and I am SO glad that I did. The course is very structured, the material is key to getting to the core of ourselves, and the buddy support, for me, has been invaluable.

There have been times that I can pay and times that I cannot - either way, I communicate with the DIP administration about what's going on with me and there is never a problem. This has become the one bill that I don't go into worrying about what will happen if I'm not able to pay - I mean, if I wasn't able to pay my mortgage, they'd take my house - or if I didn't pay my electric bill, they'd shut it off. This is not the case with DIP - which makes sense when it's looked at from the perspective that we're in this for life.

Does that make sense?



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 31 Mar 2015, 00:19

Thanks Maite, I will not consider what you have said, instead, I will apply it as i see it is relevent to me in my process And any considerations that infind relevent to me will be applyed because i want to be apart of the group and i understand the group is a strong as there weakest link.

The last email you sent to me was the one paisted above also just one of many.

I understand technical difficulties were experianced but no were does thay apply to me. What does apply to me is filling in the gaps as you have mentioned. When i recieved an email stating my course was open and available for download i must admit i was excited to get started as there is a clear void in habbit from stopping weed and i have found writing and participating in the dip course very supportive in filling that void.

So, you are right, there was some filling in through back chat that i allowed and accepted upon finding out that infact my assignment was not available to me. in complete honesty i can relate to what you have mentioned carrie, the thought that they dont like me came up multiple times but of course i knew that the support i recieved from certian individuals counterd that back chat and i didnt exactly allow myself to completely fall to the backchat but i admit it was there.

also, yes carrie what you have stated makes complete sense to me, although after looking into what i will need for the next to weeks i realize that i can not afford the course as of yet, but i did make an agreement that i would be able to pay for the course and i feel bad about not being able too as you mentioned i feel obligated to support those that developed the course and everyone on the farm as i understand money is important and i want to give to those that are working tirelessly to correct the world and themselves. I find it to be real honor in giving money to a cause such as desteni's

So, i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fill in the gaps upon realizing that my assignment was not available to me allowing and accepting back chat that would attempt to sabatoge my fresh start at applying myself with in the desteni group the only real group in the world as far as im concerned. I commit myself to stop taking things at face value and understand that there could be possible technical things that might not allow for a 100% certianty of an outcome and when the outcome isnt what i have taken at face value i commit myself to stop and breathe and apply myself in asking for clarfication instead of just jumping into assumptions that can harm my relationship with individuals and i commit myself to apply what i have realized that nothing is in full "control" that things are subject to change and that by allowing back chat to exist i am not practicaly finding solutions that allow for clarification inwhich things can be more smoothly assest and fixed instead of complicated and misguided.

I forgive myself for allowing amd accepting a belief that destenis dip pro course has strict policy towards paying for a course before it is made available amd i commit myself to realize that desteni is not you traditional wordly system and leaves room for understanding one unique individual cercumstances and as proven over and over again to be support instead of hindering within that understanding. I am greatful to the desteni group, maite, carrie amogst others that have been very supportive in reflecting the true nature i have allowed and accepted to exist within me and i will honor the support i recieve inconditionaly as i realize that i got myself here on my own and up until a couple months ago my life and how i precieved my life was a mess! And i will do what ever is told of me not as considerations but within the understanding that to stregthin within the group my must take the lead of those who have come before me. i am only 33 days old :)

Thanks guys for your support. Even though i cant afford the dip now because it is rent week i will be able to in 2 weeks, if it is still possible that my assigment can be made available that would be awesome. Thanks again.



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 31 Mar 2015, 14:29

Day 13 rely

http://jouneytolife.blogspot.ca/2015/03 ... t.html?m=1

eveyone has a job to do and if getting the job done effectivly require all participates then one can see how relying on others might be a suitable reaction. Why? When you know what you have to do why rely on another? Maybe because we feel more capable for the task set out for the other person we rely on, or maybe the reaction from an effective job done is more important than the task you were set out to do.

Either way, relying on somthing is problimatic and in most cases stressful. This does appear to be the accepted reality we live in though were people rely on one another. Is it real though? Those who rely on others are there relys met? I doubt it. Im sure starving people rely on being fed cause well they will die without being fed. So what is it really to rely on somthing?

Perhaps people that rely on material gains isnt really relying at all. They are just RE-(LIEING) and those that rely on physical support to dam well live in this world are genuinly relying on somthing, as a tree relys on carbon dioxide, or the human body relys on h2o.

Id suggest to those whos actual needs are met to never rely on another. Lets allocate the word rely back to where is belongs. As humans we have a responsibility to the animal and plant aswell as eachother to assist and support in providing what is necassary. Not what one deems necassary but what everyone can commonly agree upon. life is reliate on many things and that stands firm alongside truth. Rely on giving life as you rely on each breath that give you life.

I forgive myself for allowing amd accepting myself to rely on anything outside of my physical capabilities allowing a RE-LIE instead of truth which is obviously in dire need on this earth. I commit myself to rely only on myself with my process of correcting the mind consciousness system to enable complete and utter support of myself and to stop and breathe where i see myself relying on another for a gain that can only exist in the mind as the world gain to should be alocated souly to those that actually need gains.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the abuse of the world rely by placing it on another therefor abusing the other and myself and life by re telling the lie within my mind consciousness system and i commit myself to stop participating with the accepted and allowed definition of rely and breathe through any experiance where i see myself relying on others and instead do what needs to be done to actually form the self trust necassary in building a relying relationship with myself and through that giving what is actually needed to life and not the mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to rely on myself in world that clearly has lost the meaning of what it actually means to rely on somthing. I commit myself to give back to myself through breath placing myself here within my self correction as the physical world is relying on my the stregthen myself with the world system to aid and assist humanity in realizing its short comings, and i commit myself to breathe and push through any and all obsticals set out before me to bring about an outcome that is best for all Life.



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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 02 Apr 2015, 13:45

This morning I have a similair experiance as written before about frustration. I completely failed.

This morning again walking into a micdonals for my morning coffee, some guy looked at me as though he saw the easter bunny. It was too obvious when i walked to the back of the line and he sooo obivously turned to look at me, i was taken away, i reacted again by calling him a queer bag in my head and walked to a part of the resturant where he couldent look at me. I waited a few minutes and walked back hoping he was served and gone... he wasnt. whatever right, the cashier is use to me coming in and had made my coffie when she saw me come in the first time, so i immediatly grab my coffie and started walking outside for a few puffs on my esmoke.. he, with his tray and food followed beside me, i slowed down, he slowed down, i picked up speed and so did he, i was certian he would take a seat in the resturant because he had a tray and usually you eat in... not him though he followed me outside and tryed to engage me when i opened the door by say , "thank you sir" i didnt respond at all, in my mind i was frustrated with him manners and how he was forcing his existance in my life.

At the same time when he got into his car with his tray of unbagged food, i felt bad for not responding at least, i mean a head shake or a "your welcome" cause usually thats what i do, but this guy made it sooo obvious he was attracted to me, i know i am not projecting either because im good with faces and i have never seen this guy before! But i feel bad for how i handled the situation because i was agressive within and had he approached me to say good morning, i probably would have told him to fuck off.

I dont know why i react soo harshly like that but the thought of another man wanting to grab my hips why smashing my asshole really gets to me.and its not funny at all because my reactions are agressive and i am very capable of physical harm, but thats not what i want, i dont want to be this man. So i gotta get down to it.

I forgive myself for allowing amd accepting myself to call the man a queer bag, i have lots of friends that are gay and i guess its the manner inwhitch he forced himself or how i saw his actions and intentions as being gay, as though he wanted to have sex with me or somthing. I commit myself to stop being so harsh towards guys that make it obvious they are attracted to me. I have to understand as i do with my gay friends tgat just cause they want me physicaly doesnt mean i will give them what they want. I am straight and i am very comfortable with my sexuality, so i need to assert this the next time a man shows clear and obvious attractions towards me. I will stop and breathe and not react in frustration within understanding that there attraction is there own and grtting upset doesnt support either of us. I will stop allowing and accepting myself to react with friction as i understand it can lead to trouble for me. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a negative attachment to being stared at by guys, i certianly dont mind from girls but even girls dont stare at me that bad, so its just not a comfortable position beimg stared at soo hard, i sure a lot of people can relate.

I remember going to the casino a few months ago, and this old chinese man was staring sooooo obvioisly at me... i ended up stareing back with a very angery looking face.. he didnt look at me anymore.. so it worked right, but i was not happy with it because thats not who i want to be, i dont want to be angery or agressive anymore, unless its in a boxing match for money lol this is certianly a point i will writing more about when i get home from work as this agressive nature in me needs to be examined.



Marlen
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Marlen » 02 Apr 2015, 18:32

Hi Luc

A pointer I noticed here, in the ways of how you describe the way sexual relationships take place between men can be quite judgmental and holding quite a lot of reactions to it. So, even if you are forgiving the point, there's more aggression coming up as you describe it, which is something you can see for yourself. Therefore, I do suggest to re-look at this points, reading again your words and so being able to actually self forgive the judgment you may have toward homosexuals.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Apr 2015, 00:53

Yeah there is agression. one thing i notice is when i discribe a male penatrating another male. From my experiance with sex it is a dominating position to penatrate from behind while gripping her hips, a show of strength or somthing, so another man doing that to me most likely goes against that alpha male complex most boys have. So yeah there is a lot of agression when put at the will of another man. It makes me feel powerless. Uhm like im at the will of another man, and there is nothing i can do.

I have dreams like that too, where i am at the controle of another man not sexualy though in most cases just a fighting situation and no matter how hard i hit, no matter what i do, there is no impact, its like that man just walks through all of my attempt to stop him. Scary shit. So the thought of another man having his way with me in any situation is a scary thought and i react with an intense agression. I get very angery.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach a negative reaponse to being at the will of another man sexually, or maybe perhaps the sex is just a symbol or another man imposing his will on me, so not just homosexuals, but certianly the idea of sexual encounters with anither male cause this reaction within me. Espechally when i see a man in clearly attracted to my physical. i.commit myself to stop and breathe when i notice this, no matter how much one stares at me to stop allowing the reaction of this man wanting his way with me. I mean being attracted doesnt mean they want to fuck me, i guess its just a snowball effect when i notice a man staring at me. So i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with the belief that just cause a man stares at me doesnt mean he wants me sexualy, i commit myself to realize that nit everyone is like me, for example if i see a man that is attractive i notice he might have unique facial features, maybe thats what the guy was doing this morning just noticeing what he thought was nice features, but at the same time when you make it a point that you staring at somone that generally means you keen on there reaction to you starimg right? I mean i would be no means stare at another man, so if he stares even when i look at him its kind of obvious he is trying to open a door there. Idk id like to think i am good a reading peoples intentions and thats what i got from that man this morning. No big deal though, the big deal is how i allowed and accepted myself to feel in reaction to that. Again i will state i have 2 homosexual friends that i hug and feel very good when i see them, one of them.is a geniues and i enjoy our convos cause he is incredibly smart! He jokes around somtimes, like if was a millionair would I then sleep with him.. lol it makes me laugh and i have no friction towards him at all. so its not the guy staring it me, its how i react to it. Anyways thanks marlen, anything you suggest i will look into, anything that can help support and assist me to realease this point of agression cause i dont want it.



Marlen
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Marlen » 03 Apr 2015, 03:51

Cool Luc for expanding on that, what you mention is indeed common fears and power-plays that exist beyond sex only bu altogether as part of the constant 'comparison' that goes on between two individuals, here specifically how between men and power play in homosexuality is more defined based on the role each one takes in the relationship, which is simply how it is associated with the 'passive' and 'active' role and so associating that with male and female or 'the controller' and 'being controller'.

So here I'd rather suggest looking at the key aspect of this all here:
" Idk id like to think i am good at reading peoples intentions and thats what i got from that man this morning. No big deal though, the big deal is how i allowed and accepted myself to feel in reaction to that. "
Indeed, the big deal is not how we tend to think that we know exactly what others are thinking/saying or intending toward us or toward others, so even if you were absolutely right about what you see - which we cannot in fact assure most of the times - this is about you being able to take responsibility for the reaction you created toward males looking at you and so immediately linking this to sexual-attraction or other sexual intentions. So all you can do is simply be able to breathe in that moment, realize it's you 'giving a name' to that stare and associating it with them 'wanting to have sex with you' or something, which again is an assumption and even if it was so: you would be the only one deciding how to participate in such situations. Therefore if you don't react, if you don't respond/participate in the mind in such moments, you will be able to not generate any anger/aggression and move on, take the moment for what it is, we are human beings coexisting in the same spot so it would be ludicrous if we did not stare to each other at times for whatever reason.

On the aggression point, I can relate to this, though mostly in terms of men's words attempting to be 'flattering' which turn quite abusive in a way because this happens in real time on the streets, which has been a great cause of absolute anger/aggression and violent responses coming from me, which I would not actually suppress most of the times, but shout out back or do something else so as to demonstrate how angry it would make me, even though it was meant to be a 'flattering thing.' So I can relate to that emotion in such case as if one could not control them not 'staring at oneself' but in the end, I keep working on not reacting to others' stares.

+The other day I was coming out of a documentary about domestic violence - males beating females to the point of almost non-existence - and go out of the documentary projection, it was late at night and two different cars passed by and doing their thing to say some remarks about me,so that felt very vulnerable as I was walking alone on the street and it was already night time, so the absolute aggression came up within the thought that they were a bunch of males in cars and how I could not prevent that, how they had the 'power to say whatever they wanted' and 'stare' at me and I could do nothing... my reaction was accentuated based on what I had just seen in the documentary, so the aggression/hatred toward males became a sudden possession that was in fact quite difficult to step out of in the moment. Though i did not take it out on anyone, simply saw how I got possessed by the rage in that moment and it all has to do with this belief that another could 'rape' me with their eyes or have the power to say things in such disrespectful manner. In the end, it would not matter what others say, even if they stop by and yell these things: what matters is me not reacting and taking their words/stares for what they are, I cannot control them or use a shield to prevent this, I have to ensure that I do not react or take it personally - and this is a work in progress, a constant reminder whenever I project the idea of someone 'staring' at me, or even when I see other males staring at other females - in this I have to also take it back to myself and see where I have done the same, stared at people for the sake of finding them attractive and so, change begins within me not doing that -which is also a direct decision to not judge others, constant test anytime you see yourself between people - and so as one stops this, it is also then easier to stop creating all types of reactions toward perceiving another is looking at us.

So, after all of this, the big deal is indeed: self forgiving our reactions, ensuring we do not assume, do not project and do not react at others' stares and words, no matter if they are 'silent' or explicitly expressed, this way we can stop our constant 'war' against others' stares and rather focus on stopping our own aggression/rage, which does nothing good but instead becomes self-abuse, as all emotional reactions in fact mean consuming our life in that moment for the sake of a mental hissy fit.

Thanks for sharing and see how you can open up further the aggression, to stop the notion of 'dominate' through particular positions in sex, and rather be able to see them as different expressions that can no longer involve submission/domination roles.



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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Apr 2015, 04:22

Thanks marlen, and yeah its totaly up to me how i participate with and react too the things going on around me, well infact the things going on within me.

I totally understand what you mean about being gocked at by men, i see it happen all the time. Its funny how a man would precieve a girl honking her horn and screaming out sexual comments, as apose to a girl having guys screaming out coments sexual in nature. Of course women have it much worse than men because, well, just looking at the history of it all, women sustianed a lot more sexual abuse than men. As a man i appologize to you and all women, indeed we men have a lot of work to do in our approach to women and how we treat them.

Again thank you for your support marlen, i will write about the point you brought up about sexual positions and training myself to see it as what it is, as a physical expression, and not an abusive power play or dominate/dominated thing.

I just started uploading a vlog about my experiance this morning. looking over it, i dont really get to any point in paticular other then self examination and breaking down how I participate as being the important aspect to all of my internal experiances.

thanks again marlen.



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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Apr 2015, 13:41

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=em- ... IQYLHKArRY

this is a video of my experiance yesterday morning, mainly just talking about it exposeing a few points about my reactions and participation with the mind.

dominate positions during sex to me is being ontop or doggy style. When my partner is essentialy layingDOWN. putting myself in that position with thoughts of another man allowes for agressive reactions. Mkst likly that alpha male complex seeded in me from a young age. of course its not the same if it is a women taking a dominate position over me, i feel safe and far mire comfortable with a women then a man. Of course this probably stems from my child hood and how my mom would comfort me. My dad wasnt around past the age of two till 11-12 so it was mainly a womens influence that i was raised with. If i hurt myself, or just in any situation my mom would generaly show love and affection for me. she hit me acouple times but nothing more then what i diserved for acting out and stuff. So yeah, being in a dominate position, i tend to use strength, ill sort of pin my partner in a certian position, obviously there is somthing to the hips, um the center of the human body right. in most or even all positions there is the option of incorperating a grab on the hips. I noticed my partners do it too. Obvioisly an expression of touching, but what i recall from my experiance is a show of strength to some extent. idk like i said its like pinning her down makeing the act of sex a bit smoother, most likely more of an impact too. its strange talking about this lol but whatever! So yeah i certianly attached a dominating view when in control of sex.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see sex positions as a mind playout and i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting sex for what it is as a physical exoression of the body that needs no mind participation. I commit myself to no longer allow myself to grab my partner with too strong of a grip as i see that is me participating with a dominating roll and instead apply my hands as physical touch and not a show of strength.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with being dominated by my partner ontop and in control as being safe and feeling comfortable, protected, i commit myself to again only see it with my eyes and not my mind and take it as it happens as a physical expression and not a state of mind or by participating with the mind in anyway




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